“Hawks go to heaven, doves dice in death.”
This post may come across to many readers as a case of retrospective gloating on my part. If I’m honest, it once was. But time and life cycles or situations mellow people, and it brings a person like me to look at things from a different angle. At the end of the post you can make your mind up to your perceived view and opinion of my emotions and motivations behind the anecdotes. All I can say right now is that many more people will read this and be able to relate to it, first or second hand, and understand the considerations both women and men have when landing in the middle of dynamics of this kind.
I make no excuse that I once didn’t understand the way women work in terms of their choices and reasoning when interfaced with men seeking their attention, and perhaps, their love. This was many years ago in true time, but when I sometimes recollect during sunny afternoons or frosty morning strolls, it almost seems like yesterday too. The long and the short of it is I belonged to the blue pill syndrome – believing women needed a man who was always the kindest, sweetest, considerate and caring human being they could possibly find, and in turn always being there for them in making them the highest priority in your life. Many women will still tell men this is the case. Some will concede there is a balance to be struck but they desire him to fall far nearer the nice guy extreme than the bad boy polar opposite. And an extremely small percentage will fully confess to being attracted to the traits that jerks possess, and that this is the truth behind falling for them. Needless to say, but vital for clarity, the quality of a jerk’s desirability metrics – hence looks, personality, charisma, money and status to name but five – will determine the numbers of pursuits he attains.
For what it’s worth, my take on the whole female mindset of “nice guys versus bad boys” is this: Nearly all women are drawn to jerk characteristics – because this guy’s apathetic and care-free life aligns with the fundamental make-up of the female mind desiring something that doesn’t arrive easily - but only a select few are consciously proactive in hunting them down. The greatest numbers of women are attracted to them, but they will only chase once a vicinity or circumstance has been granted, and in the meantime they will continue with the self-belief of thinking a prince charming is her dream man. This leaves the remainder of women who are also attracted to the bad boy type, but because they have larger than average egos, high opinions of themselves and fragile pride, they, under most occasions, repel from going for these men due to the loathe of thought in being treated undeservingly. A few homely girls will always only be found with your typical passive and predictable beta males, but don’t think this stops them from the odd day dream of being seduced and dominated by the fantasy tattooed enigma.
The above explanation is most prevalent in women under the age of 25. This factor is a combination of women below this age holding the most options they will ever have with men due to their peak physical beauty, but also down to not being so prone to settle down with a more responsible provider at this stage of life. They can afford to take more risks. This isn’t to say their sexual inclinations ever change to a wholesale degree, but their ultimate decisions do. Beyond the age of 25 will bring about a stronger search for wealthier, higher status and personable men who they can see a future with past tomorrow. It won’t be as exciting for them, but I guess all good things come to an end.
So irrespective of a woman’s physical attractiveness rating in comparison to her female peers, her largest quantity of male followers will be pre 25 years of age. Exceptions exist, but they don’t make the general rule. The high end of beautiful looking women can accept and decline men at will, and men are often left scratching their heads at the time. It can all be interchangeable. A very good looking man could lose out to an average looking, high social status jerk. A good looking man could lose out to an average looking or above average looking man with similar desirability measurements. An average looking man could lose out to an ugly wealthier man. A popular jerk could lose out to a higher occupational status man. A high profile positioned affluent man may one day find his better looking fiancé in bed with an aesthetically pleasing (but economically poor) man. Women have choices to make, but as I will point out in real terms, they only have a certain amount of time to make it.
I would think almost every man can relate to being on the wrong side of a woman’s choice. Some men have a favourable ratio, but more of them will possess a negative score. In its moment, it can seem devastating. You may, if weak natured, think this woman was way above your league and you were a fool for ever thinking she could find you appealing. However, sometimes a man may see the woman who rejected him with a male partner that, in objective terms, does not quite seem the ideal match for her. The wisest men ascertain clues from a woman’s past, present or personality, and they are almost knowledgeable prior to interaction that her decision is not actually a choice. And most often, the rejected man can see the same woman years down the line, but the tables of sexual emotions have been turned on its head.
I’ve lost count over how many times I’ve been through this cycle of being turned down by a woman, or for her to break off the relationship, yet years later to come rushing up in hope I remembered our treasured history. Some have even arrived embarrassed that their former self was someone I had time for in relation to her current self. Their proposals of possible renaissances were politely declined. By no coincidence, it has usually been the scenario of me being on the wrong side of things prior to their 25th birthday, and the recipient of their advances after this date. There have been two examples when this age can be forwarded on a couple of years, but once 30 strikes the tables really do turn. Women lose options, and sometimes hope, if they haven’t tracked down a quality man by this age.
In a way, I feel for women who do have that look of regret on their face, because most often these are women who I admire for not desperately falling for a man at the drop of a hat. They are, in the main, “girls girls” (women who are, or at least say they are, more inclined towards strong female friendships than the need for constant boyfriends) who do have a level of independence in comparison to the lion’s share out there. Unlike their insecure female competitors who need the validation of self-importance by proof of a boyfriend, these women are biding their time for the most suitable and high quality male mate. They think time will last forever in finding him, but unfortunately time is unforgiving for women in a way that most men do not need to comprehend. This is only true because as the years pass by men can, and should, become more valuable as a marketable commodity to the opposite sex than the gender inverse. Men do not rely on physical attractiveness anywhere near to the level that women need to in the sexual field. We can deny this until the cows come home, but it is the reality. Sure, women can make up a little of this with engaging personality, empathy and laid-back attitude, but it will only take them so far.
Some women, with a small ounce of justification, can be brain-washed by media coverage or real life good luck stories of older women dating younger men. Phrases of “forty is the new thirty” or “young men love experienced women” can be fired out as much as any wishful thinker needs, but you only need to analyze the dynamics to how each gender views attraction. I actually have a close friend who is in a relationship with a woman 15 years his senior, and I am skeptical to it working long-term. A man’s brain functions in a way of seeking youth and physical beauty in a woman. A woman’s (especially an older woman) likewise process holds predilections for power, status and provider – traits usually accustomed with an older man. But when all is said and done, there are barely any women who will be more desirable at 33 than 23. Flip the coin, and men should reverse the playing role in being higher value at the older age.
Further to the whole reassuring older woman’s need for a younger man’s love, you have to question the younger men themselves who select, or end up with, significantly older women. The big money is on one of three, but sometimes all, factors:
- He is low calibre in abundant sexual market value metrics, and quality younger women are beyond his grasp.
- He has no true knowledge and understanding in how to handle women. This subconsciously enforces him towards lower maintenance women.
- He is objectively a good catch, but his low confidence levels do not allow him to see this potential through.
So how does all this effect women and men? Well, as this post was designed more for the ladies, I’ll take their perspective first:
Women need to know that their best years are pre 25 years of age. They can hide from the truth, but I only talk from honest words that I, in an unbiased fashion, have counted the number of women (outside of celebrity world) who look better at 30 than 25 on two hands in my lifetime. Some can hold this decline until their late 20s, but 30 onwards will show a more rapid deterioration. This all means that after the bad boy phase has passed (and I advise women to eradicate it from their system as early as possible), they think carefully about the men they are rejecting. Second chances, as I am testament to on personal experience, do not come around very often for a woman in the face of a decent guy. This isn’t to say they should make safe choices in the knowledge of not being fully into a man on a visceral level, but they should assess the present with the inevitable future. This is on the basis that a relationship is high priority to a woman. They have to concede that, with the absence of marriage, every year that passes by after 25 leaves them in a less powerful position to locate quality men, and be appreciated within a relationship itself. This is unless a 25 year old woman is with a man post 40 years of age, in which he is not as likely to seek pastures new in respect to a man of younger years.
Men need to take all this in their stride without being too smug about it all. If they get rejected, time is far more on their side. It is important not to be bitter about women maximizing a small window of opportunity. If anything, it should make approaching and interacting with women all the more easy and comfortable, because I believe the majority of men have problems with women when they see them in their full physical glory on nights out. Comprehension of women’s hard time in life past 25, in addition to a mentality that should allow him to think he is a valuable asset and she should seek his approval, is actually what women deep down want anyway. Men fail in reaching this stage due to their lack of positive attitude in the first place. Women want a man to show how privileged they should be to be with him. Egos aside, women do not desire to be treated like a princess because this only goes to prove how appreciative he is to be with her. They want to feel valued, but they need to know they value him more. Remember, this is why they fall for jerks in their younger years. Their mind only alters in negligible emotional terms. Their pragmatism takes the greater turn of events.
One of the women I make reference to has strong preferences towards Afro-Caribbean ethnic men, as do her two older sisters. When I saw all three of them out not long ago, in recollection to six or seven years previous, it was painful to see the difference in the men they interacted with. They used deal with an equivalent Will Smith in his prime. Now they were talking to a Barack Obama lookalike.