“Hawks go to
heaven, doves dice in death.”
This
post may come across to many readers as a case of retrospective gloating on my
part. If I’m honest, it once was. But time and life cycles or situations mellow
people, and it brings a person like me to look at things from a different
angle. At the end of the post you can
make your mind up to your perceived view and opinion of my emotions and
motivations behind the anecdotes. All I
can say right now is that many more people will read this and be able to relate
to it, first or second hand, and understand the considerations both women and
men have when landing in the middle of dynamics of this kind.
I
make no excuse that I once didn’t understand the way women work in terms of
their choices and reasoning when interfaced with men seeking their attention,
and perhaps, their love. This was many
years ago in true time, but when I sometimes recollect during sunny afternoons
or frosty morning strolls, it almost seems like yesterday too. The long and the short of it is I belonged to
the blue pill syndrome – believing women needed a man who was always the
kindest, sweetest, considerate and caring human being they could possibly find,
and in turn always being there for them in making them the highest priority in
your life. Many women will still tell
men this is the case. Some will concede
there is a balance to be struck but they desire him to fall far nearer the nice
guy extreme than the bad boy polar opposite.
And an extremely small percentage will fully confess to being attracted
to the traits that jerks possess, and that this is the truth behind falling for
them. Needless to say, but vital for
clarity, the quality of a jerk’s desirability metrics – hence looks,
personality, charisma, money and status to name but five – will determine the
numbers of pursuits he attains.
For
what it’s worth, my take on the whole female mindset of “nice guys versus bad
boys” is this: Nearly all women are drawn to jerk characteristics – because
this guy’s apathetic and care-free life aligns with the fundamental make-up of
the female mind desiring something that doesn’t arrive easily - but only a
select few are consciously proactive in hunting them down. The greatest numbers of women are attracted
to them, but they will only chase once a vicinity or circumstance has been
granted, and in the meantime they will continue with the self-belief of thinking
a prince charming is her dream man. This
leaves the remainder of women who are also attracted to the bad boy type, but
because they have larger than average egos, high opinions of themselves and
fragile pride, they, under most occasions, repel from going for these men due
to the loathe of thought in being treated undeservingly. A few homely girls will always only be found
with your typical passive and predictable beta males, but don’t think this
stops them from the odd day dream of being seduced and dominated by the fantasy
tattooed enigma.
The
above explanation is most prevalent in women under the age of 25. This factor is a combination of women below
this age holding the most options they will ever have with men due to their
peak physical beauty, but also down to not being so prone to settle down with a
more responsible provider at this stage of life. They can afford to take more risks. This isn’t to say their sexual inclinations
ever change to a wholesale degree, but their ultimate decisions do. Beyond the age of 25 will bring about a
stronger search for wealthier, higher status and personable men who they can
see a future with past tomorrow. It won’t
be as exciting for them, but I guess all good things come to an end.
So
irrespective of a woman’s physical attractiveness rating in comparison to her
female peers, her largest quantity of male followers will be pre 25 years of
age. Exceptions exist, but they don’t
make the general rule. The high end of
beautiful looking women can accept and decline men at will, and men are often
left scratching their heads at the time.
It can all be interchangeable. A
very good looking man could lose out to an average looking, high social status
jerk. A good looking man could lose out
to an average looking or above average looking man with similar desirability
measurements. An average looking man
could lose out to an ugly wealthier man.
A popular jerk could lose out to a higher occupational status man. A high profile positioned affluent man may
one day find his better looking fiancé in bed with an aesthetically pleasing
(but economically poor) man. Women have
choices to make, but as I will point out in real terms, they only have a
certain amount of time to make it.
I
would think almost every man can relate to being on the wrong side of a woman’s
choice. Some men have a favourable
ratio, but more of them will possess a negative score. In its moment, it can seem devastating. You may, if weak natured, think this woman
was way above your league and you were a fool for ever thinking she could find
you appealing. However, sometimes a man
may see the woman who rejected him with a male partner that, in objective terms,
does not quite seem the ideal match for her.
The wisest men ascertain clues from a woman’s past, present or
personality, and they are almost knowledgeable prior to interaction that her
decision is not actually a choice. And
most often, the rejected man can see the same woman years down the line, but
the tables of sexual emotions have been turned on its head.
I’ve
lost count over how many times I’ve been through this cycle of being turned
down by a woman, or for her to break off the relationship, yet years later to
come rushing up in hope I remembered our treasured history. Some have even arrived embarrassed that their
former self was someone I had time for in relation to her current self. Their proposals of possible renaissances were
politely declined. By no coincidence, it
has usually been the scenario of me being on the wrong side of things prior to
their 25th birthday, and the recipient of their advances after this
date. There have been two examples when
this age can be forwarded on a couple of years, but once 30 strikes the tables
really do turn. Women lose options, and
sometimes hope, if they haven’t tracked down a quality man by this age.
In
a way, I feel for women who do have that look of regret on their face, because
most often these are women who I admire for not desperately falling for a man
at the drop of a hat. They are, in the
main, “girls girls” (women who are, or at least say they are, more inclined
towards strong female friendships than the need for constant boyfriends) who do
have a level of independence in comparison to the lion’s share out there. Unlike their insecure female competitors who
need the validation of self-importance by proof of a boyfriend, these women are
biding their time for the most suitable and high quality male mate. They think time will last forever in finding
him, but unfortunately time is unforgiving for women in a way that most men do
not need to comprehend. This is only
true because as the years pass by men can, and should, become more valuable as
a marketable commodity to the opposite sex than the gender inverse. Men do not rely on physical attractiveness
anywhere near to the level that women need to in the sexual field. We can deny this until the cows come home,
but it is the reality. Sure, women can
make up a little of this with engaging personality, empathy and laid-back
attitude, but it will only take them so far.
Some
women, with a small ounce of justification, can be brain-washed by media
coverage or real life good luck stories of older women dating younger men. Phrases of “forty is the new thirty” or
“young men love experienced women” can be fired out as much as any wishful
thinker needs, but you only need to analyze the dynamics to how each gender
views attraction. I actually have a
close friend who is in a relationship with a woman 15 years his senior, and I
am skeptical to it working long-term. A
man’s brain functions in a way of seeking youth and physical beauty in a
woman. A woman’s (especially an older woman)
likewise process holds predilections for power, status and provider – traits
usually accustomed with an older man.
But when all is said and done, there are barely any women who will be
more desirable at 33 than 23. Flip the
coin, and men should reverse the playing role in being higher value at the
older age.
Further
to the whole reassuring older woman’s need for a younger man’s love, you have
to question the younger men themselves who select, or end up with,
significantly older women. The big money
is on one of three, but sometimes all, factors:
- He is low calibre in abundant sexual market value metrics, and quality younger women are beyond his grasp.
- He has no true knowledge and understanding in how to handle women. This subconsciously enforces him towards lower maintenance women.
- He is objectively a good catch, but his low confidence levels do not allow him to see this potential through.
So
how does all this effect women and men?
Well, as this post was designed more for the ladies, I’ll take their
perspective first:
Women
need to know that their best years are pre 25 years of age. They can hide from the truth, but I only talk
from honest words that I, in an unbiased fashion, have counted the number of
women (outside of celebrity world) who look better at 30 than 25 on two hands
in my lifetime. Some can hold this decline
until their late 20s, but 30 onwards will show a more rapid deterioration. This all means that after the bad boy phase
has passed (and I advise women to eradicate it from their system as early as
possible), they think carefully about the men they are rejecting. Second chances, as I am testament to on
personal experience, do not come around very often for a woman in the face of a
decent guy. This isn’t to say they
should make safe choices in the knowledge of not being fully into a man on a
visceral level, but they should assess the present with the inevitable
future. This is on the basis that a
relationship is high priority to a woman.
They have to concede that, with the absence of marriage, every year that
passes by after 25 leaves them in a less powerful position to locate quality
men, and be appreciated within a relationship itself. This is unless a 25 year old woman is with a
man post 40 years of age, in which he is not as likely to seek pastures new in respect
to a man of younger years.
Men
need to take all this in their stride without being too smug about it all. If they get rejected, time is far more on
their side. It is important not to be
bitter about women maximizing a small window of opportunity. If anything, it should make approaching and
interacting with women all the more easy and comfortable, because I believe the
majority of men have problems with women when they see them in their full
physical glory on nights out.
Comprehension of women’s hard time in life past 25, in addition to a
mentality that should allow him to think he is a valuable asset and she should
seek his approval, is actually what women deep down want anyway. Men fail in reaching this stage due to their
lack of positive attitude in the first place.
Women want a man to show how privileged they should be to be with him. Egos aside, women do not desire to be treated
like a princess because this only goes to prove how appreciative he is to be
with her. They want to feel valued, but
they need to know they value him more.
Remember, this is why they fall for jerks in their younger years. Their mind only alters in negligible
emotional terms. Their pragmatism takes
the greater turn of events.
One
of the women I make reference to has strong preferences towards Afro-Caribbean
ethnic men, as do her two older sisters.
When I saw all three of them out not long ago, in recollection to six or
seven years previous, it was painful to see the difference in the men they
interacted with. They used deal with an
equivalent Will Smith in his prime. Now
they were talking to a Barack Obama lookalike.
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