Sunday 12 March 2017

Women's selection motivations

"From near or afar, the answers are only clear once you take a step back."

Reader Bryce asks for some of my knowledge on the following topic:

Hi Vinay,

I have a couple more questions, I've been away in foreign countries and greeted well by the women there, some even asked if I'm a athlete haha.

One good looking guy problem I've always noticed is being "used" for validation. For example, a women may talk to you to impress their friends or ask for a date themselves so that they can say they went on a date with you with no intention of moving things further. Ever experienced this? I'm usually annoyed when this happen.

Another one is women creating (relationship) drama with your name in organizations such as school and work. Again, I think this is validation related, where their girlfriends see them having drama with an attractive guy, these girls are average at most in terms of looks. Keep in mind I try not to feed into it, but they will tell their friends lies about me asking them out and usually it's they that have been trying to date me and I respectfully declined only to be met with female harassment and a ruined reputation :(

Anyways, curious if you have any insights on this. I feel like people don't realize that the attention that attractive guys get is sometimes unwanted and they have the option to decline. Women think if they show interest you must follow through, you don't have a choice... basically like an object. 

My response:

Whenever you consider the subject of female selectivity in terms of the man they (rarely) pursue or (mostly) consider taking up adventures with, whether this consideration is for a one night stand, a short term fling, an indefinite timescale relationship, or even marriage and kids, you will almost always need to concede that a woman's primary thought is based upon how it can benefit her externally judged self-value and economical self-interest. 

If she chooses the one night stand or short term fling, her first thought will, by and large, be based upon desires for her social network "followers" or close friends to know she is appealing to the world.  "This guy found me irresistible", she so says in silence and hopes everyone thinks.  The secondary motivation to this short term mentality, and I'll reiterate secondary, is satisfying her heart and sexual orgasmic enrichment.  Even in the modern world where women have become more promiscuous and sexually liberated in comparison to generations gone by, it is still important to remember that only a very small minority (I'd estimate fewer than 10%) of the female sexually active population proactively go into one nighters or conscious knowledge of only a few weeks of sex.  Their prides are too fragile to come across as cheap, and ultimately they know that too much of this lifestyle will detract future worthwhile male candidates to take them on as girlfriend or wife material.  This is all the more pertinent with women as they move up the hotness scale.  In other words, the hotter the girl, the less sexually easy, generally speaking, she is.

With longer term thoughts - long term relationships and marriage thought process - a woman will pick out men who can give her the best profile and financially appealing life.  This is most relevant to women post 23 years of age, and even more so between the female ages of 25 to 28.  So a woman will compromise heavily on what makes her heart tick and knickers wet, in return of a lesser looking but higher status and wealthier man who can provide the biggest house in an affluent location, the most expensive car she can drive, the best holidays to put on her social media pages, and kids kitted out in clothes at a school that stands out in relativity to her so called other female friends. 

To Bryce's first point.... He is absolutely on the money about some women using the most physically attractive men as a source of validation and exposure to impress her onlookers.  Again, I would still say this is a minority of women, and it is far more prevalent to women under the age of 24.  Strangely you may see women go through this trend once more around the mid 30's, with a far less frequent female demographic of say aged 25 to 32 - hence the heavy stage for women to seek out "the one" - taking on men who only make them look more important and valuable. 

I always recall a few years ago on a night out when a woman (a few days before her 25th birthday) made her friend approach me and ask my opinion on what I thought of her.  Her friend had said how fit she (the woman pursuing me) thought I was.  She was a cute 7/10, nothing special but fuckable, but as I was single at the time it was more than worth me approaching her to take things on that bit further.  Even as the night went on, I sensed her enthusiasm diminishing.  We went out the following Friday, and there wasn't much chemistry on her part at all, or mine either to be be fair.  Nevertheless, I would still have indifferently seen where it could take us.  I barely heard from her again, absent of a few texts to most likely ramp up her good inner feeling.  About a year later on another night out, she came up to me in front of her friends.  I was far wiser to the event this time, pretty much talking to her whilst concurrently checking hotter women out.  She ended up marrying a man of total average (6/10) looks, and they have since had at least one child.

In terms of the drama thing, again this is a by-product of all women requiring a level of intensity, dramatic happenings, and attention that shows the flame is still burning in their life.  How many women, even newly married women, do you meet who come across as just more than happy to describe a low-profile and enjoyable (but none drama contained) weekend when in discussion with her other female friends?  Not many I would guess.  So yes, I agree that using a good looking man for extra drama is more than a possible occurrence, however what I would say is drama-seeking girls will more likely go for jerks or/and local well-known men (think of DJ's, club promoters, gym instructors, city centre bartenders, etc).  As, in my view <1% of men are truly from a stand out aesthetically blessed stature - hence facially good looking, impressive body, 6ft to 6ft 2" height - the chances are that not many of these jerks or popular men are also top end physically attractive men.  So in essence, what I'm saying is women, especially under the age of 24, will seek out drama and self-importance more from this kind of man than a very good looking man.

All women want and need drama in their lives.  It's just finding out the level of drama they require in determining whether they are worth long term consideration or placement in a compartment as pump and dump material only.

In summary to the final point made, you have to acknowledge that, in a world where >95% of men are average looking, at least this same percentage of women will end up with an average looking man.  Sounds obvious, but it needs illustrating to make sense of the next point.  A rare man who sits at the top end of male physical good looks is going to stand out like a sore thumb to all these women who are with mediocre looking men, and because of their boredom with looking at their uninspiring man day in day out, human instinct dictates that they will, at the very least, take a look at the very good looking man they are not accustomed to see very often.  A tiny percentage of them will try and take it further, but most will not take the risk of losing out on everything they have just for a bit of fresher and intense sexual stimulation.  But as the man receiving these bed eyes, especially if he is single, the natural response is to interact if you find her bangable.  At the end of the day, it is attaining the ability to distinguish between female and male motivations and agendas when they look at the opposite sex.