Which male attributes most attract women?

 

“If unsure or uncommitted of the corrective move, always go with your instincts. You never truly know which decision was best, so at least your conscience is then clearer.”

  

This was an interesting article I came across the other day, aligned to the post title:

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Ah, now that's a question with a lot of layers, isn't it? I remember a conversation I had with a friend of mine over coffee about this very topic. It was one of those lazy Sunday afternoons where the world seems to slow down just enough for a good chat.

She was telling me about a study she'd read, which suggested that different people are attracted to different things. For some, it's a physical trait like the eyes or a well-defined jawline. Eyes can be quite captivating, you know, they say a lot about a person's emotions and thoughts. And a strong jawline, well, it often signifies strength and determination, doesn't it?

But then she leaned in, with a twinkle in her eye, and said, "But you know, it's often more than just physical features. It's about how he carries himself, his confidence, and, oh - a sense of humor is a big one!" We both laughed at that because, honestly, who doesn't appreciate a good laugh?

And then, with a more serious tone, she mentioned something that really stuck with me. "It's the little things," she said. "How he listens, the way he shows respect, his passion for his interests, and kindness. Those are the real deal-breakers."

So, in essence, while physical traits might initially draw attention, it's often the personality and behavior that truly captivate. It's a mix of both, and what attracts one person might be completely different for another. It's the beautiful complexity of human attraction, don't you think?

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Over time, and with more experience gained from and observation acquired with women, you will fathom which women are more honest than others.  No women is immune from lying, in particular when faced with emotional topics and preferences regarding men, however you will be able to distinguish between those who speak with sincerity, and those who just say what makes their ego feel better (hence, say what makes them feel better about life and themselves).

In respect to the narrator and her friend, I would hedge a fair bet that the former is far more honest than the latter.  My experience with women, with firm confidence in my view, draws to the conclusion that when a woman talks about endearing physical features she likes in a man, providing she states with transparent genuine verbalization (hence, not saying she likes extra fat around his waist, or bald men etc), she is saying what her instincts and heart tell her.  Conversely, when a woman attempts to bypass talking about the physical blessings in men – in switching it to the personality side – there is more than a fair chance she is a woman who resents the most physically attractive men.

To further elaborate, I suspect the narrator most likely goes for hotter men than her friend, all else being equal.  Of course, we do not know what her friend looks like (the narrator looks about a 7/10 based on the photo), as often, but not always, a woman’s physical attractiveness plays a large part to the kind of aesthetically looking man she screens for.

Q-tip:                                                                                                                                Opinions will always be opinions, and on subjects where facts cannot be pinpointed and where subjectivity is king, it allows a person to say pretty much whatever they want, irrespective of how lacking in credibility and how far from the truth it appears. With this in mind, if you can base your opinion on what you truthfully believe, and what your eyes see and not what you want to believe, you will live a far more stress free and productive life.

Male personality is important…

With that said, and even accounting for the undeniable life consequence where the vast majority of women will desire to be with a lesser looking man in gender relative terms, it is still vital to accept that a man’s personality in attracting, or at least appealing to, women is especially important.  Whereas a man places first emphasis in striving for the best looking woman he can acquire, and other factors come secondary to this, women do place far greater weight towards a man’s non-physical attributes.

This is why I have always said that for all men – irrelevant of their physical attractiveness degree – personality is something they should work on.  It is most likely, for most men, far easier to improve their personality and character than it is to become significantly better looking.  I dissect three categories:

·       Ugly to below average looking men, absent of extreme wealth and social status, will not be able to secure much better looking women.  Nevertheless, if he has a great personality, he will bridge that gap of what he wants, against what is he currently getting.

·       Average to above average looking men, even with poor to mediocre personalities, will still regularly be able to secure women at least 10% more attractive.  This is a direct result of a woman desiring to be with a man who is noticeably, but not significantly, less physically attractive than herself.  However, throw in a good personality and charisma to assist, and this leverage will jump to 15% at least, and even >20% on rarer (but not uncommon) occasions.

·       Good looking to very good looking men’s necessity for a good personality is arguably greater in comparison to ugly and below average looking men.  Perhaps not so much at a younger age where college/university women or younger women in general are more inclined to go for lunkhead (but hot) men, but from a female age beyond 24, it is harder for these men to solely rely on their hotness.  This illogical reasoning is because, as described above and inundated times on this blog, women are looking for reasons to not date the best looking men.  If said good looking man can bring an endearing personality to the table, it mitigates this obstacle and predicament to an extent.

How important is male humour?

Male humour requirement is a grey area to me.  If it was imperative in attracting our good female gender, then the most beautiful women would all be with comedians (which is not the case) and not sports/film/music stars (which is the case).  With this simple observation considered, it is an easy assumption therefore to say that women place far greater priority on male wealth and status, than they do on male humour (or on male personality generally).

With this acknowledged, you could make an argument that a man’s humour level is not of immense importance.  However, you have to remember that >99% of men are not sportsmen, Hollywood actors or musicians, and >99% of women do not look like these referenced stunning lookers seen on the television, internet or magazines (coming to think of it, these celebrity women do not look as good as that in the flesh, such is the photographic enhancement world we live in), therefore you need to look into it from the perspective of us mere mortals of the world. 

My take on it is that having a sense of humour is far better than not having one and being anxious all the time, and it will, more often than not, give a man a better chance of upgrading with women.  I would also though say it is by no means a deal-breaker if you do not have a profound sense of humour, as if you are living in the same world as me, most women take themselves too seriously - which prevents them from being able recipients of humour anyway.

A final thought

And at the risk of talking about myself to end this post, I would say I have a good sense of humour - as a by-product of not taking myself or life too seriously – but I am not a hugely funny person.  What I mean by this is, unless in an environment where I am at most comfort (usually one on one or in small groups, and with people who I know enjoy my company), I am not a competent jokester or storyteller. 

The way I have mitigated this, one could say, weakness, is to, at the risk of repeating myself, not take criticism or haters too seriously.  I am not a great thinker on the spot in coming back with one lines in the face of ridiculers or people antagonistic towards me, however I have learned to respond with a mild smirk and hold a few defaulted and memorized one liners when applicable.

My personal favourite is as follows:

Ridiculer (example): “What the hell are you wearing!”

My response: “You don’t like me very much, do you?  Is that because you’re worried your girlfriend may like me more than you?”

This has been beneficial on a few occasions, because I find that no matter how humorous a man is trying to be at my expense (and usually these men are not funny, but just trying to be funny in front of their mates), the sheer power of psychology and reality conquers any form of humour they produce.  At the end of the day, if you fire back something where even the funniest man in the world has to question his worth, his weapon of humour has effectively been destroyed.

Materialistic and stressed out Brits

           “There may only be one crowned, but usually it takes two to either fail or succeed.”

  

Post gym workout, I was having a conversation the other day with a middle aged man who runs a pharmacy business.  We started talking about stress levels and people having heart illnesses in the United Kingdom at much younger ages these days.  It opened up a ten minute discussion on the whys and hows…

His main reasoning behind this predicament derived from obesity.  Being a pharmacist, his knowledge of medication evolvement regarding obesity, and its necessity it should be said, is far greater than mine.  With this considered, I can only respect his view and assume he knows what he is talking about.

He went on to further add that the only true way to confront the obesity plight we live in is in the form of prevention.  He elaborated in terms of the way to reduce obesity levels is to address it at an early age.  We both agreed that even if this process were to be successful (as there is little sign of success right now if it is in place), it would take decades, maybe generations, to show any sign of objective real life improvements.   

My take on it…

I responded in a way that whilst I agreed with his thoughts, the bigger reason towards our country becoming a high stress and heart attack vulnerable hotbed is more a by-product of working excessive hours, and further to the point, the stress involved within the time we work.  He very much agreed.  Don’t you just love talking to someone on a similar wavelength to you!?

I then stated that the main cause of this – British people working longer hours than other countries in the Europe – is because we have effectively replicated our big brother of the United States in becoming over-materialistic and searching for the (American) dream.  In essence, too many of us Brits have been dragged into the “Keeping up with the Jones” mentality, in holding desires for our lives to look better than our colleagues, friends, acquaintances, and even enemies.

A recent first-hand view

Having recently been made redundant, I met up with a Chief Operating Officer/Director of a large company in the demolition industry.  I had actually met this man just under five years ago to talk about the same job we were about to discuss, but back then nothing came of it.

I went into the meeting with an equal dose of open-mindedness and reservations to suit.  I met both him and his right hand man, and we sat down for just under an hour.

The COO just about recognized me from five years ago (granted, his high ranked position will mean he meets a lot of people), to which he said it was my hair he recalled.  To lighten up the conversation back, I said that I had aged in the interim period, but then haven’t we all.  He exerted a mild chuckle.

What first struck me, somewhat pertinent to my comment as explained above, was how much he had physically aged.  Five years may have passed in time, but he looked ten years older.  When he had to take a call, his right hand man took over for a while.  What was clear to me was how stressed and haggard he also appeared.  If he were to tell me his blood pressure and cholesterol levels were excessively high, I would have said to myself that you are only telling me what is obvious.

The COO came back, and he clarified that the main reason they are looking to recruit someone is because, due to the workload over recent years, he has been working evenings and weekends.  In his own words, he said this is why he is always pissed off.

As the meeting progressed, I remember saying to myself that, in spite of it being a financial package higher than anything I had earned previous, it just simply would not be worth the hassle and sleepless nights.  It brought back memories of a course I went on in my early career, and the course leader explained that no matter how many pay rises you receive, it will not compensate if you are just moving from one role to another, or within the same role in a job, that you hate.

A few hours later, the recruiter rang me to ask how it all went.  I told him that even if they offered a position, I would not be interested in pursuing.

How does this all come together?

I have tried to narrate this post in such a way in order to illustrate how it all manifests as follows:

1)    We are a nation which is over-stressed and susceptible to early heart trouble.

2)    We are obese and unhealthy.

3)    The main reason we are obese and unhealthy – compounding the effects of stress, mental health, and heart issues – is because we work long hours in jobs where we encounter too much anxiety and sleepless nights.

4)    Because we are working too long and too stressed, our poor diets and lack of exercise – due to both a shortage of time and lack of self-esteem – produce our obese and internally unhealthy bodies.

5)    Because of all this, we are basically an unhealthy human being in waiting for a heart attack.

In a way then, one factor feeds off the other.  Obesity is a result of over-working and high stress, and high stress and a lack of free time fuses further obesity.

Why do we work this way?

Nevertheless, the crunch of the matter, in my view, will be explained.  It is a view that not many people truly consider, or perhaps more to the point, they will not accept, as it goes against what society wants and needs us to believe.  Even clever pharmacists, doctors, or other high professionals will abstain from this belief, because quite frankly, most of them have been dragged into this quandary themselves.

In easy summary, the male British mindset is one, to secure the best woman he can attain, and two, to keep the future wife happy from leaving him.  He thinks he needs to give her everything he possibly can, no matter how unhappy he becomes.  If it means him taking extra hassle roles time after time, working longer and longer to cater, just to give her the biggest house, best cars, best schooling areas for the kids, and fancy holidays, then who gives a crap about what is best for him…

And I believe this is the problem we live in today in this country.  We all want things we cannot afford, or at least things which will cause us an unhealthy existence to get there.  If men desire to choose this path, then be my guest.  It has been a path I repulse in seeing, and most certainly a path I have never held any ambition to dip my toe into.

A final thought

Furthermore, not only is this problematic situation causing male unhappiness and deprived health, but it is often a root issue for marriage breakdowns.  There cannot be many men out there who enjoy being over worked, over stressed, and overweight, and whilst his respective wife may enjoy the extra money this troubled life of his brings, it is rarely enough to maintain her love and liking towards him unless it is a constant barrage of excess money.  Even this is usually not enough to save the relationship. 

Notwithstanding, such is the lifestyle they need to maintain to impress others, disposable income of excess and not knowing what to do with it is very rarely the case.  What is the reality is that even if the man is taking reasonable pay rises as he moves up the career ladder, the extra money seldom keeps up with his female partner’s expectations and required predilection for the nice life.

With this in mind, he just gets unhealthier and more unattractive as each monthly pay cheque arrives.  In the simultaneous timeframe, his wife’s attraction towards him gradually, or quite often hastily, deteriorates. 

The final chapter of this sorry state of affairs is, quite aptly, an affair.  The man slaving his guts off becomes unhappy with his life, concurrent to his wife and children not appreciating him for his endeavours.  Sex becomes more infrequent as each month passes, and, like no mean coincidence, temptations on business ventures or office interactions lead him to adulterate.

This is if his wife has not got there first.  She has become so unattracted and unappreciative towards him that, even if just for sexual pleasure as opposed to having a clear intention to leave him (usually she will hold desires to leave him, as a woman who cheats on her man does not want to be with him in any capacity), she will very much screen for better male options regarding infidelity or longer term.

Q-tip:                                                                                                                                        You can have everything, but if you are unhappy, your life will be shit.  Alternatively, you can have nothing, but if you are happy, your life will not be shit.