Thursday 23 April 2015

Don't make this mistake

"Hope the best.  Expect the worst."

There are some images, scenes and events in our lives that give off simultaneous emotions of nausea, pity and amusement.  The below link offers just that:

Now, I could spend a couple of paragraphs talking about a geeky average looking guy showing desperation in demonstrating undying affection to a woman, with harshness accepted, who is even less physically attractive than him.  If based on objective and honest views, it would take someone living in cloud cuckoo land to disagree with this judgement.  In a world where women prefer (their ego's prefer) to be with lesser looking men in comparison to their own physical attractiveness relativity, a man boxing below his weight has questions to answer.

I could then pick out countless errors in his body language, verbal execution, content of words and facial expressions during the shameless minute or so in his existence.  

Taking it on one step further, it could even be examined in terms of how much he has to lose, on the basis she isn't the daughter of millionaire farming parents who have been informed they have weeks to live, by choosing the route of marriage in this scenario.

No, the biggest lesson in this is that you, as a male reader, could conceivably be watching something like this with your respective girlfriend.  If you are weak, naive, too much in love, and living in obliviousness of the reality in women's genetic characters and true feelings towards men's emotional handling, your girlfriend will allow you to believe these actions and gestures shown above are exactly how a man should act if he truly values his female partner.  She will lead and talk with her ego, take the ring and show it off to her allegiance of "friends", social network gatherers and work colleagues, probably even make her way to the alter to at least have the big day to repeat the cycle once more in a compounded fashion, and then leave you wondering why she doesn't appreciate all this a few months down the line.

Ultimately, women desire the most what doesn't come easily in life to them.  Whether this is a new pair of shoes, a dazzling handbag, her own way in an argument, or ambitions of a man proposing to her, she wants to work for it before eventually, or never quite, achieving this accomplishment.  

Be the man who doesn't lay it on a plate for her, who never seems any more pleased (ideally less so) to be with her than the inverse, who knows there are plenty of other women to replace her, who disagrees with her absent of a moment's hesitation when necessary, who knows how to say "no", and most importantly, ensures she works hard for her rewards.

You will find plenty of men in the world, usually in their 50s, but sometimes in their 30s and 40s too, who openly admit they wish firmer strategies had been used with their current or past female loved ones.  Many of these men did not have the accessibility to blogs of this genre.  If you do read literature of this kind, yet you still continue with the old faithful and conditioned ways - like our friend in the link - then don't go crying in years to come.

Monday 20 April 2015

The Wonderful Women of Oz

“Sometimes there is a period in your life when the more you lose,
the more you are willing to spend and gamble.”

A few days prior to my recent month long visit to Australia, I met up with a friend of mine who lived and worked over there for a year.  His highlighted words were to look out for the quality of women, the vast amounts of people jogging in the streets/parks, the female Aussie liking of British male accents, and the sheer positive outlook of the country’s natives.  I remember thinking at the time that he was perhaps overstating all this a little.  It didn’t take me long to realize how on the nail he was with all these views.

Without this post turning into a geographical, history or current affairs lesson – all subjects I have no great depth of interest or knowledge in – it is important to point out a few aspects of Australia as a country.
  • Australia has a land area of approx. 7,686,000 square km.  Contiguous United States of America is roughly the same.
  • United States of America’s approx. population (301m) is nearly 13 times the Australian equivalence of 23.5m.
  • Australia’s land area is more than 31 times the land size of the United Kingdom (243,694 square km).
  • The United Kingdom population (64.8m) is 2.75 times greater than Australian total inhabitants. Granted, the estimated 3% of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders that make up Australia’s total population may be higher due to unregistered members of society, but this non-calculation occurs in most countries of today.
  • The unemployment rate in Australia currently sits around 6.2% as of March 2015.  U.S and U.K equivalencies are 5.5% and 5.6% respectively.

That’s enough of the whiteboard usage, but hopefully it paints some kind of picture.  Basically, when it derives to Australian consideration, there is a small amount of people, in a large area of space, living in a country where most people (especially in comparison to many other countries with high unemployment rates) are at the very least employed and earning money.  Yes, cost of living and city centre accommodation is expensive, but the higher earning capacity does, to a large extent, cover these costly acquisitions. 

What all this manifests in is more human space, less traffic, less stress, a relaxed life, disposable income, and positive attitude.  Add on the small matter of great weather and nearby beaches to all the major cities, and what you have in a mixing pot is a creation of one happy and good-time hunting place.  Even when you ask the locals about their prided country, it is hard to find someone with a bad word to say about it.  Compare this with the random UK candidate who cannot wait for the opportunity to slag off their passport emblem – often with a fair amount of justification too.

But of course, despite all as explained, my eyes were on the native women and respective sexual dynamics that emerge from this fantastic country.  Four major cities (Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane and Adelaide) later, countless small towns in between, and 4000 kilometres of tyre rubber burnt, this is what I conclude to:

Australian women – physical attractiveness

If you were to ask for my honest, reflective and objective opinion on the numbers of eye catching Australian women in consideration to Italian, Spanish and Greek female counterparts, and base it on a population relative terms basis, I would have to say it is lower.  Not by a million miles, but something like 10% fewer.  In comparison to French (French women represent some of the most beautiful in the world, but their benchmark level is not that spectacular) and Portuguese women – I predict it is slightly higher to roughly the same.  German and Dutch girls?  I’ll go on a photo finish. Then compared to American and British women (I’d say they outweigh British women in beauty terms by 5:1 in quantity, despite there only being little over a third as many of them), well I guess you know what’s coming – yes, considerably greater in Australia. 

Essentially, it won’t take you too long to see an impressive looking Aussie woman after walking past the last one.  And although I confidently say the southern European ladies as mentioned have the edge, what I can say is that Australian women are more to my sexual liking.  I guess as a guy who has lived his life in a paler white skinned dominated country, this ethnicity will always be my preferred choice.  Then consider that the broads of Oz are usually seen showing a fair amount of flesh – usually toned and in shape.  In fact finding an overweight bird in Australia is as rare as finding a hot girl in England.  So you can imagine that when I strolled past and interacted with high numbers of easy on the eye white girls, in respect to the inundated flabby and plain female Brits I see in my everyday life, it did at times feel like the kid who raided the candy shop. 

Australian women – personality

If they most certainly impressed me on a looks basis, they came top of the pile in relation to personality, confidence, approachability, friendliness, positivity and chilled demeanour.  It was like a breath of fresh air that, as a man who is so accustomed to British women who in the main are total opposite to the non-visual traits as mentioned, I could collide with women who would look me in the eye with a confident and helpful manner. 

Yes, this may have had something to do with the British accent mesmerizing their concentration, and who knows, maybe they were even somewhat impressed with my visual offerings, but I think it goes further than this.  When you live in a country which provides a great life, the optimistic feeling is bound to rub off.  Don’t get me wrong, there were plenty of women who came across as stuck up bitches too, but once more, you go on the experienced averages.

Australian men – physical attractiveness

In a nutshell – not overly impressive.  I can’t recollect a handful of guys who I thought cut the mustard with top end physical overall blessings.  They are more in trim than British guys, and I guess this is to be expected when the outdoor culture is all so blatant to see, but nobody can try telling me this is a nation with an overload of male good looks.  Compare this to my visit to Italy last year.

On the topic of Australian men, and British men too, it kind of reminds me of an online survey knocking around where women voted these two nations as the “sexiest” men in the world.  When I looked a little deeper, it was no coincidence that the questionnaires were formed from answers by American women.  Similar to British women, you need to tread carefully when women give their “honest” answers towards men who are at the forefront of topic:
  • First, women’s definition of “sexy” is different to men’s interpretation.  Men would view a sexy woman as hot – pretty face and good body.  Women, on the other hand, often define an average looking man as sexy because he has a cute accent or holds down a high level of status.  Cue: Hugh Grant.
  • Second, men answer instinctively when judging a woman’s sexiness/hotness.  If he thinks she is pleasing to the eye, so he shall say.  Women, with big egos, fragile prides and distaste to male unattainability inside their veins, will not necessarily point out the men who catch their eyes and make their panties the wettest.
  • Third, famous Australian and British men have done well stateside over recent years in their relevant fields of work.  As status is such a high attraction magnet onto female eyes, combined with the ability to understand the same English spoken language, women have an automated and naive concept to think these high status men fly the flag for all men belonging to these two nations.

As always, visit the place, open your eyes, judge objectively with an absence of egoism and self-agendas, and assess accordingly.  In essence, all things most women are incapable of doing without someone to hold their hand.

Australian men’s knowledge of women

In a developed world where the consensus, and observational evidence backs this up, is that >80% of men are beta males, Australian guys do nothing to decrease this average.  Someone really should pass them a copy of this blog or similar.  Unchallenging, over-friendly, supplicated, clingy, jealous and clueless are just some of the words I can find to describe the way they deal with women.  What makes this all the more bewildering is the high numbers, especially in the big cities, of physically attractive women.  When there are plenty of shiny and tasty apples on a tree, why would you need to spend time in worrying if you drop the one you hold.  Simply put, options should bring about a more efficient mentality to consider women for what they are – replaceable by another.

But Australian men all so obviously throw this luxury down the toilet.  Whether it is overweight and older men with higher occupational status and wealth, or younger alpha male wannabes, I couldn’t help but notice how horribly wrong they get it in the proximity of women.  The Aussie girls lap it all up of course, and why wouldn’t they?  If they can be provided by the good feeling of men surrounding them like lapdogs, jogging in the park with male platonic buddies, or boyfriends who will supply them with a providing but uninspiring life, why would they tell these men the truth behind their honest thoughts?

What I would say in view of the above is that this unavoidable showing of beta characteristic men panting around better looking women was highly dominated in big cities.  When I stopped off at coastal and outback towns, it couldn’t be denied that far more women, of whom some were cute, tended to sway towards the typical surf dude or low calibre jerk. 

How to handle Aussie women

Despite all the endearing characteristics that sit inside a high percentage of Australian female personas, don’t be fooled by the “butter wouldn’t melt in their mouth” ways.  A gullible man could also be reeled in by that lovely accent, and I was enamoured by this too, but always remember that the sweet, innocent and puppy dog eyed girls are just as prone to leave a man waiting at their doorstep as any other female out there.

And this was obvious during the interaction I experienced myself, in contrast to the observation as a neutral bystander overseeing abundant men failing horribly.  The guy who stands back, acts a little apathetic and treats these stunning women like any other human being, will gain the most respect and, more importantly, sexual admiration in return.  The majority men who act like their conditioning belief tells them – sycophant, needy and over-exerting – are the men picking up the bar bill and saying a platonic and friendly goodbye come the end of the evening.

And ultimately…

So here you have it - a wonderful country with a decent percentage of cute, and some hot, women.  Add on their bubbly personalities, career driven lifestyle, and motivation to enjoy life, and an all-round girlfriend material woman is the end product. 

Then throw into the same paddling pool a low number of good looking men in relativity to the women (I’d predict 1:15 at least), and it didn’t take long to see how men are driven to box above their weight.  That is: score the best job possible, earn good money on the back of it, find a woman, pay for her lavishes and luxuries concurrent to worshipping the ground she walks on, put a ring on her finger and supply her with a nice status whoring pad, and hope she appreciates and loves him all the more for it.  For season campaigners in the reality of life, this story rarely has a final chapter of comforting reading.

A coincidence?

As a final thought, I couldn’t help but notice that fewer women started to look at me in a sexual way and were less endearing in engaging terms during my last four days down under.  Naturally due to endless days of sunshine, this time was when I was most tanned.  It also coincided with when I was in Adelaide.  Although Adelaide has a population exceeding a million inhabitants, it could not be hidden that there was a sleepy and small town feel to the place.  It also clearly possessed the least amount of glamorous women. 

So here I was being a man with a suntan, sitting inside a lower profile city, with very few people of eye catching physical attractiveness.  Was this reduced accommodating reception a sheer coincidence, or was it something a little more ego manufactured? 

Acknowledgements and further reading

Tuesday 14 April 2015

Do male height and introversion compromise a man’s relationship fortune?

“You will find that most cynics were former purists and idealists.”

A reader asks a valid question based on this previous WCMD post:

I'm either guy 1 or guy 5. (Probably in between.) I've been called handsome many times and I know I'm facially more attractive than most guys, not sure I'd put myself in the top 2% though. I'm naturally athletic and slender, and now that I've been working out for a while my body is close to, if not ideal. For either guy 1 or guy 5 though what effect does being over 5'10 have, can it have the same intimidating effect being too facially attractive can have? Effectively working against you, or does it carry benefit? (Or a mix of both?) I'm 6'2/6'3.

I found this to be a very interesting read and I'm just wondering where I fit in. Something else to mention is that I have a very introverted, reserved personalty that could easily be mistaken for unfriendliness and I was wondering how you think the combination of the negatives of being physically attractive with a personality like mine would play out.

This particular post has clearly resulted in an amount of inquisitive feedback and questions.  I’m glad it has, because although the general manosphere has done, and will continue to do, a great job in offering men valid and truthful advice in how to deal with the modern day woman and to consequently understand her emotional mind, I do feel that it neglects how the mechanics should be viewed and conducted when considering the male and female relative physical attractiveness levels. 

I can understand why this may have been somewhat neglected, as at the end of the day a blogger can’t sub-divide physical look scales for every single post.  With this is mind, you go by the averages – and most men are average looking at the end of the day.  Also, it is my humble opinion that some people don’t like to accept that women’s decision making in male mate selection is heavily weighted towards a man who is less physically blessed than her, and instead they prefer to advocate it is mainly down to male status, wealth, game, personality, commitment, etc…  All the aforementioned do play a big part, but I stand by it being a smaller part than female egoism factors.  If I’m guilty of overstating this, then I would argue that this is a better option than taking an agenda driven oversight.  I digress….

My response to the reader:

For guy 1, being over 5ft 10", and in particular being 6ft 2" to 6ft 3" in your case, will result in pre-conceived rejections from near on 90% of women.  Tough to swallow I know, especially when you will see so many female sexual glances making their way to your eyes, but unfortunately that's life.  Simply put, women will feel intimidated and inferior due to your god given physical blessings.

The benefit for guy 1 is the numbers game as explained.  Eventually, when you are attracting so many women something is going to bite that is suitable to your predilections.  Like sending your CV off hour after hour to various companies, and gradually attending more interviews as the weeks pass, in a buoyant job market something will give.

If you are guy 5, and I tend to think from your comment that you are (simply because you would subconsciously know if you're in the top 2 out of 100 in a random group of men), then this should eliminate some of the problems as illustrated above.  However, it does still arrive with other issues.

The plus side in being guy 5 is that your average (and you are clearly at least above average from what you say) facial features result in far less automated rejection mechanisms than the top end facially gifted man of body and height equivalence will incur.  Your overall 7.75/10 physical attractiveness rating allows you to score the low to medium end hot women due to their knowledge that the face takes the greatest weight of importance.  Their "better" face eases the insecurities sustained with the guy 1's of the world.

Top end cute women (7.75/10) may be reserved in giving you a chance due to being on their par, but a percentage (I'd estimate 15% to 20%) will still receive your advances kindly.  Again, a very cute woman done up to look her best will stand out more than an above average facially looking man - even if he has a great body and good height.

The "negative", and I use this word loosely, comes in the form of you having almost ideal height and an outstanding body profile.  A woman below 7.75/10 will assess you as out her league.  And women below 7.75/10, in view of a female age range between 18 to 40, easily represent more than 9 out of 10 women.  At least in countries like the UK and USA, in any case.

So in summary to your height issue, it will usually be far more beneficial than detrimental, irrespective to whether the man is average, above average or good looking.  This is because average and above average height women naturally prefer taller men, and even many short women will prefer a man of your height than someone of only 5ft 8".  This is why I have documented in the past that, in my opinion, the ideal male height to be is 6ft 1 1/2".

As for your mention of introversion and reserved personality, no I don't think this will be mistaken for unfriendliness in the vast majority of female interpretations.  The less savvy girls out there will construe it as arrogance and an "up his own arse" attitude - something that is still better than being too friendly and unchallenging I may add.  The smarter and classier broads will view it as a lack of confidence.  Either way, this introverted demeanour will rarely be advantageous to you.

A man with good looks (or even top end above average looks), impressive body and height to envy needs to portray an amalgamated delivery of confidence, positive body language, approachable character (not to be mistaken with over friendliness or smiley), care-free attitude, solid eye contact and a mild smirk.  Don't get me wrong, even this will deter a good number of women, because in a country like the UK where the female mean confidence level is so low, they will think a man with a positive and confident approach to life is unattainable.  But for the top quality women, and ultimately these are the women worth having, this will be gold dust to most of them.

I emphasize "most" of them, because there is still the occasional higher end hot woman who will still play it safe.  Usually this comes in the form of picking out a lesser looking man, but appropriately one with confidence, status and wealth - which makes him high quality, in spite of his mediocre looks.  But sometimes this same hot woman will just select a man on safety and good feeling ego terms, such is the undeniable fact she just doesn't believe in herself.

Sunday 12 April 2015

Women settle for less

“Some birds aren’t meant to be caged.  Their feathers are just too bright.  And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice.  But still, a place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they’re gone.”
                                                            (Shawshank Redemption, 1994)

In a world where women, or at least the vast majority of women, do have a hypergamous mentality in seeking out the highest calibre man possible to provide them the “best” life, it is important to remember that this same vast majority of the female population do eventually settle for men who are not even close to the level of quality visualized in their fantasies.

This female settling policy is by no means only in reference to male physical attractiveness.  In fact, male good looks are the one aspect where most women actually happily (happily to their ego) settle for less.  Because although women will find many men more sexually arousing and attractive than the man they enter a relationship with, this decision will be born out of subconscious, but often conscious, pre-determination.  Simply put, at least 90% of women don’t want to be with a better looking man in comparison to their own looks relativity.  If readers get bored of this truth being pointed out, then I’ll still sleep tonight…

I could reference hundreds of women I have known personally who fit this explained settling bill, and I will have seen thousands of likewise frustrated faces when stepping outside my house.  What I will do is illustrate a recent anecdote that spells out how women take less than what they need to in male candidacy:

During one Saturday night in early February I saw this striking blonde in a busy bar.  She seemed to be hovering around my proximity, but with her back turned.  What a fine curvaceous figure she possessed, and the tight dress worn didn’t exploit even a millimetre of excess lard.  Lovely long straight blonde hair was accompanied by a pretty face.  Her nails were manicured naturally just right.  I’ve seen enough women in my time to be confident that her age would be 28 to 29.  All in all, I had to give her an 8.75/10 in overall physical attractiveness.

When I asked her if she had a boyfriend her reply was of “I’m sorry, yes” (she mentioned they had been dating two months), but she kind of answered before totally turning round to speak.  It was as if she expected some loser to have asked the question, because the glee on her face was immediate once facing me.  At the risk of coming across as an attempt to swell my own head, she followed her answer by saying “I’m just grateful that you spoke to me, because you look amazing.”  To think this comment was when my skin was at its palest, so when I saw her last night, after I have spent a month in Australian late summer sunshine to give a tanned glow, I can’t help but wonder what she thought.  In terms of that evening in February, our paths just drifted as usually happens in a crowded place.

Nevertheless, last night was clearly not going to give me great opportunity to escalate.  It didn’t take long to realize she was a little too close to a guy to think he was just one of the usual lapdogs admiring her existence.  I further noted she was even wearing a cheap engagement ring, or at least some ring on the commitment finger.  Four months of dating (and it could have been anything between two months to four months) and a ring goes on the finger.  Really?

The guy wasn’t bad looking at all, and definitely in the above average facial category.  With her wearing heels, he was an inch shorter than her (he looked roughly 5ft 9”), and his body was in decent shape but no second glance material.  He had that boyband member look going on, and this aligned with his apparent age of 23 to 24.  I’ve never seen anyone wear such tight jeans, and by the time it would take him to pull them off, her panties would have dried up.  I’ll give him a generous 7.5/10 in overall physical attractiveness. 

I don’t know the blondie well enough to know her character type, but when talking to her the first time there was a symbol of girl’s girl written all over her.  When I wrote this post, I highlighted a few tell-tale signs of girl’s girls, and from what I can see in her, it backs up my claim:
  • Hot.
  • Good personality.
  • Dating a younger guy.
  • Out with a younger female friend (who looked no older than 23).
  • Financial independence (cannot know for sure, although she made it a purpose to point out to me last night that she “buys her own things.”
So in the physical looks comparison alone, he’s boxing above his weight by just shy of 17%.  This is more than my usual 10% to 15% prediction if a guy is run of the mill in other desirability metrics, but with hot girls that gap can exceed this occurrence.  With this in mind, the 17% looks gap is no fall off your seat disparity. 

What becomes more conspicuous to normality than the looks difference of divisions is when hot women, and in particular hot women in their late 20s, are not with men of similar age or older who have a high level of mental maturity, provisioning capability, occupational high status and wealth.  A woman at this age, as much as some may deny it in a way of “what will be will be” or “I’m just having a fun time” statements, is penciling in the next man to be the one who takes her to the alter and maternity clinic.  So unless her younger boyfriend comes from a wealthy family business where his Daddy gives him instant elevation to directorship, and I’ll go on the simple law of average this is not the case, these dynamics never quite add up.  At least, they don’t add up until you dive a little deeper.

From the younger man’s perspective, he is just acting, and his possessive mannerisms and indecisive body language backed this up last night, in the way most men portray when boxing above their weight.  Girl’s girls are the rare women who often do look more beautiful in their mid to late 20s than early 20s, but even if it isn’t the case with this woman, the reality is that she is still hotter than >99% of all aged women in a small city like Derby.  Ultimately, the younger boyfriend has landed a dime on his dick, and he is only going to act supplicated, clingy and jealous when with her.  The fact he cannot use that many years of experience with previous women to aid his knowledge of female emotional psychology, female physical evolution and generally getting inside a woman’s emotive head, further make him come across as a puppet.

And a puppet is a reasonable noun to sum all this up.  Women, even hot women, start to have doubts as the big 30 is approaching.  Because not only does a woman now start to doubt her beauty in relativity to her younger days and younger competition, she is simultaneously dealing with the irritable feeling that manifests from the knowledge that she isn’t with, or she hasn’t found, the man to build a future with.  Again, many will vainly conceal this frustration with “go girl” received comments or “life is about fun, fun, fun” make believe stories, but the deep truth and reality produces doubts about the life as it stands.

So the counteractive measure, with a good number of women in these scenarios, is to erase the beauty doubts first.  What better way to show the world that she is still beautiful than to date a younger man.  If a younger man chooses her ahead of all the girls his age, well it just so proves that her value level is as high as it ever was. Add on the fact that younger men, even the better looking ones, are clueless in dealing with women and keeping them interested, challenged and stimulated, and they make her feel like the princess that she has always been. 

This princess may be getting older, but her crown is still as shiny as it ever was.  So she says to herself, anyway.  Place a ring on the finger too just to further reinforce public awareness that someone loves her. The tick in the box of a lesser looking man is simply a by-product of all this, but still further ego boosting all the same.  And although the boyfriend’s male mates of similar age were all obvious nice guy beta males in the way they were carrying out their demeanours (one of them was even trying to cop off with her), a bit of social proof to be admired by younger men never does a woman any harm either.

Unfortunately, these dynamics rarely have a happy ending.  Ego massaging can drag it on for weeks, or maybe months.  Pride to see it out may add a little more energy to the now weary horse.  But eventually, and sooner rather than later, reality of a fire burning on false fuel takes over.

Because the younger man, and I’ve been this younger man dating an older woman (19 v 25), progressively starts to irritate the woman of his senior that little bit more every day.  Sometimes it is his lack of maturity, personality, provisioning capabilities, responsible mentality or basic low comprehension in how to play women, but sometimes it is actually nothing he is doing wrong himself.  Once women start to doubt him being the one - beyond making them feel better about life and enhancing social media exploitation - they take it out on their younger male partner.  At the end of the day, she can’t blame herself for any of this predicament, can she?

When I did collide with this woman towards the end of the night, I amused myself in the way of a sly comment:
 “I don’t know, you ladies could do better.  Why do you settle for less?” 
She looked at me for a split second, and replied in the way of:
“This conversation is over.”

You got to love life, haven’t you!

Saturday 4 April 2015

Tinder misrepresenting the sexual market

“The truth is always out there.  You just need to be careful who tells you the truth.”

A reader asks for my take:

What are your thoughts on this?
Do good looking guys really have this much power?

I wasn’t going to dedicate a full post on this subject, but having hit on the link above, it appeared to me that a little transparency and objectivity is necessary for the more naïve, gullible but innocent and genuine thinking men out there on the subject of aspects like Tinder.

The numbers

First and foremost, it is important to take Tinder, or any conventional dating website for that matter, in the true perspective of numbers.  Whilst surveys may try and prove otherwise, my advice would be to assess your own social circles in terms of how many people you know who consistently utilize these sources of interaction endeavours. 

If I’m like anyone else, I would place no more than 5% of people I know who venture onto the likes of, POF or similar, and of this percentage, it would be heavily weighted towards old hags in the office who just so think they can find “Mr. Right” after declaring being the mother of two or three kids.  I guess hope burns eternal, right?

As for Tinder - a method designed for the younger crowd - it would be no more than 1% of all people I know.  As I focus on my own life and never aspire to be a follower or part of a so called trendy crowd (despite being way more “trendy” than these self-proclaimed people), I’ve never been a social proof requiring kind of guy, so maybe I’m not party to networks who partake in this.  I’m not against the theory, as anything that can save a man time and effort in refrained dates to get laid is totally my way of thinking.  Minimum effort, for maximum reward. 

But in essence, my point is that dating websites, and in particular Tinder’s hook up process, reflect such a tiny amount of the dating, interaction, relationship and sex prospects in consideration to the whole population sitting inside this partner seeking bubble.

Good physical looks in the sexual market

In respect to the heading, let’s put some obvious, but perhaps overlooked and denied facts forward:
  • In >99% of cases, good looks for a woman are an absolute necessity to attract men for both relationship and sex nominations.  It’s only when two women are of very similar physical beauty that men start to analyze metrics like her personality, sexual expertise (that cannot be truly known prior to intimate involvement) and empathetic objectives within heterosexual bonds.  If all else is equal, a woman almost always needs to look as good as feasibility allows her to do so.
  • If all else is equal in impersonal circumstances, it is beneficial for a man to be good looking than average looking or ugly.  This may sound like a given, but it needs to be pointed out due to the complexities that are to be further explained.  This is only true because, with nothing else to go on, women’s eyes will turn to males who look the best.
  • When a woman knows respective men on personal terms, or when she knows about other aspects of his life (status, money, personality, commitment likelihood, etc…), she will far more often pick out a man who is less physically attractive than her, even if she had the opportunity with a man who is better looking than her.

How Tinder differs from the norm

As alluded to earlier, Tinder is mainly aimed at the younger generation (pre 30) in contrast to the vast offerings of single women in their 30s, 40s or 50s on the traditional dating websites.  This makes sense, as unlike the profile scripted websites that give women an idea of a man’s occupation, wealth and hobbies, and likewise that gives a man comprehension to whether a woman he likes the look of is a mother (hence disqualification with any man of calibre, unless she is incredibly hot), Tinder is almost like the bar and club scene where male physical blessings trump all else, with the exclusion of social status.

With this in mind, people who subscribe on and partake in Tinder should, in theory, be people who are looking for best looking members of the opposite sex to move things on to the next stage.  At the end of the day, if women are serious about hooking up with delegates on Tinder, they are no different to men when it comes to sexual arousal, thoughts and executions – they want to jump on a ride with the most sexually endearing and attractive.

I use the term “in theory” because although men using Tinder, like any other minute in their lives, are striving to secure the most physically alluring woman, also like any other minute in their lives, women’s choices and involvement with men are born out of totally different motivations.  More on this in a moment…

The outcome reality of Tinder

When I hit on the link published by the reader, one thing I will say is that it would take me a hell of a long time to see that many cute and hot women in my everyday life.  With respect to this, and unless the itemized girls have been cherry picked out from the inundated numbers of uninspiring looking women you see in a routine day (or night) in the UK, I can only go on the assumption that a decent percentage of female Tinder users are of high end (top 2%) physical attractiveness. 

Then I started to look at the interaction shown on the examples given.  Again, a non-existence of editing is not inconceivable, but once more I’ll take it on face value.  With the exception of one particular proactive woman, all the chasing, suggestions and compliments were from the buttons typed by the man.  Yes, I’ll say that the language is far more effective than the supplicated nice guy off the street who wouldn’t dare say a word that disrupted a woman’s universe, but it still attained, to me, an air of male desperation and over zealousness written behind the efforts to conceal true interest. 

And I think this sums Tinder up in a way that most people don’t have the peripheral vision to see beyond.  When you look at the conversation end, it was ultimately the woman giving the man her number.  Whenever a man does all the chasing, and in particular when the hotter the woman strays to the right, the more likely it is for an unhappy and unproductive ending on the man’s part.  Simply put, women are most attracted to men who they have to chase.  And to my knowledge, obtaining a woman’s number has a limited hit rate in actuality of getting laid. 

Q-tip 1:
Ask yourself the following:
Question: What is a man’s main mission when he considers the opposite sex?
Answer: Having sex with the most physically attractive woman possible.
Question: What is a woman’s main mission when she considers the opposite sex?
Answer: For him to elevate her ego, for him to add drama to her life, for him to make her feel valuable to the world, for her to receive attention, and for him to enable her to exploit her self-importance between her own two ears and to any watching external parties.

Q-tip 2:
If you are observant with a woman’s habits, you will notice a firm disparity between the men she most likes to give her attention (hence the best looking guys to boost her social ego) in comparison to the men she eventually selects to take things further with – hence the lesser looking men for safety, an ego boost due to his comparative less impressive physical looks, and appreciation of her existence.

Caveat to Q-tip 2:
This female positive inflicted emotion they receive from good looking guys is at its highest during “non-personal” interaction – in the form of texts, e-mails, Tinder messages, etc.  This is because, when standing alongside the same man, the woman responds with far decreased positive emotion by the way of irritable feelings he gives her due to the physical attractiveness “competition” and de-leveraging thoughts of her beauty.  This will go a long way to explain why a good looking man will catch a cute or hot (usually lower end hot) woman looking at him in a sexual manner on numerous occasions, yet when he approaches her, she gives him the cold shoulder almost immediately. 

So in conclusion…

With regards to the Q-tips above, women and men, even in a proposing hook-up environment, come from totally different angles when it derives to how each member is incentivized by the other.  This is where younger men, but older men too, get lost in the forest where trees have never been cut down.  They think that taking down a woman’s phone number guarantees, at least, further interest on her part. 

But a woman is far more interested in her own welfare and importance than the sound of her beating heart or the moistness of her panties.  If she can get both, then great, but the latter will, with the vast majority of women, be a secondary priority to the former.  Yes, women are more promiscuous than generations gone by, even though this consensus is overrated. This cannot be denied in the way of internet sex tapes that so many more women feel the need to do.  Fine by me, as guys such as me can benefit in this world, but then don’t go moaning years down the line if no man worth having wants you for long term relationship material.

So in essence, yes, the reader is kind of right in terms of good looking guys, similar to the bar and club scene, having the most involvement on Tinder.  But I certainly wouldn’t refer to this as power.  Where he possibly comes a cropper is in believing that all these Tinder conversations led to sex.  Some will have done, but I can guarantee you that the vast majority did not.  These women just like the attention whoring status it allows them to accomplish.  Guys who are claiming they always got her in the sack are lying, and they know I’m right.  I’m sure some people may be thinking “well I know a guy who told me that….”  Maybe there lies the point – he told you.

And as a final thought, Tinder kind of reminds me of lad’s holidays I ventured on abroad to cheap Spanish and Greek resorts.  What you found here was that the best looking guys did receive the most action.  Unfortunately it was usually with the easiest and loosest women who were average looking at best.  The reality is that hot women have no necessity to give it up so easily.  Occasional cuties would offer it, but you had to screen hard even for those willing to take the plunge.  I saw this whole dynamic of fat slag meets better looking guy develop with my own two eyes, and if the truth be told, I even saw it too closely from time to time on the bed next to me!

Wednesday 1 April 2015

Total male apathy versus total male engagement

“Never offer until the time suits you.  
Always decline if the day doesn’t seem right.  
Seldom agree unless it’s of beneficial consequence. 
Only propose when you gain as much as them.”

There will come a time in a man’s life when he has studied a level of interaction strategy, female emotional psychology, and possibly even a degree of information that offers a true perspective to how important intimate relationships with women are in the whole scheme of life.  Some men learn better and quicker than others, whilst there are even some males out there who do pick it up easily but refrain from delivering it into good use in the practical field.  Most men never even get a word of this type of literature in the first place, as they stay adamant to their arrogant view of always making the corrective moves. 

For those men who are willing to face up to the harsh truth through the barrier of blissful ignorance or an unrealistic world, one element of interaction with women may still linger on their minds to which road is best to take.  In the life of a man’s knowledge cycle, this will usually be the two polar stages:

Total engagement                                                                                     Total apathy

Pre comprehension of interaction strategy

This concept, often found in many mainstream articles written by women or lap dog men, is that a man must act as happy, approachable and engaging as possible, as he smiles as wide as a Cheshire cat simultaneous to talking to women excessively to prove how nice a guy he is.  The more attention he gives her, the more appreciative she will be.  The more he talks, the stronger her feelings will be towards knowing he is a great guy that she could see herself spending hours with in rambling on about the A to Z of the world.  The more time he spends with her, and the more he agrees with her side of things, the greater her belief will be in his overall suitability.  He thinks this all manifests in her being more attracted to him.  If this is what women tell him, surely this is what he should do.  Oblivious is this man to how many women do act in conjunction with what they say.

Excessive advocator of interaction strategy

Once a man finally recollects how women didn’t appreciate his process during pre comprehension, he becomes a little belligerent with thoughts of women.  Because of this, he believes the most appropriate way to interact with women is to barely engage with them.  He now turns his back to them, he never smiles, his answers are short, care-free not assessed, and he comes across as a selfish and somewhat low social orientated man.  He thinks this strategy will now attract women, as they sure weren’t attracted to him as the nice guy.  Further to this, he has seen with his own eyes how women have been compelled to apathetic men in the same timeframe as repelling from those offering all their endeavours.

As you can see, both processes are from the far left and far right of the approach line.  To the left side arrives the idealist, and to the right is the cynic.

If only one option should be taken, I would always advise to the far right.  Having played both roles – mainly sitting to the left side of the spectrum in early dating days and to the right with certain women I cared little for – at the very least you will finish at the same point.  More often, and especially with younger women, the far right will also achieve more success.  But if equal results are the end product, surely it’s a no brainer in choosing to exert little to achieve a lot.

When men are looking upon adventures with women, they should always abide by the mentality of:
“Minimum effort to achieve maximum rewards.”

The far left is what most women will tell men that they look for, but this is only because they either believe it is the kind of man they desire, or more likely this avenue is the one that makes them feel best about their existence.  A woman’s ego is a powerful tool, and many of them will often subconsciously, or even consciously, prefer to feed this beast in preference to ultimate happiness.  What women fail to face up to is that they attain far greater visceral feelings for men straying to the far right.  This is, within reason.

I caveat the last sentence with “within reason”, because both processes have a point.  Women are drawn towards disinterested, quietly moody and apathetic men providing there is a physical attraction in the first place, because women swallow a sweet taste for things that don’t come along easily.  They have to work for these men, and this is challenging and adrenalin pumping.  However, you have to realize that in many situations women who make moves for these guys are with men who already possess a degree of social status.  They may be club doormen, DJs or promoters, or they could be the popular guy of the well known local town.  In easy language, there aren’t many men who can simply act this way and expect hoards of women to be lining up to gain his attention.  Most men need to pro-act with women.

Another justification for avoiding a far right approach is that women are drawn towards men who hold down positive body language and proof they are having a good time.  This doesn’t mean he should have a constant wide grin on his face, but a show of the teeth in conjunction with smirks, seriousness and listening ability should not be overseen.  Women may have instinctive attraction projected onto moody men, but over time they also need to combine this consideration with thoughts of a Sunday afternoon stroll with a person who can listen to her hopes and dreams.  A man with low social interaction cannot take her past thoughts of being with him tomorrow.

It all falls back to the balancing act.  Good guys – men who strike the equilibrium – are hard to locate, because whether people face up to it or not, the vast majority of men are a product of the left biased end.  Women often claim this is not the case due them having less ground for argument that men should do more for them.  It’s difficult to expect more from a population of genuine nice guys, so the invention of a greater quantity of jerks is a must in order to allow them, and other naïve men, to think women always take the rough end of the stick in relationships.

But some good guys are out there.  So as a summary, a man sitting at the far left will fulfill in a woman liking a man, but it will be hard pressed for her to be attracted to him.  Many women will be attracted to men from the far right, but as women have inclinations to settle down sooner rather than later, in relativity to men on a broad scale, and even if this isn’t with a man who optimizes her sexual impulses, they do realize total apathetic men have a limited shelf life.

The side a man throws his hat on is always relative to his physical attractiveness and other sexual market value metrics, alongside the interface with the actual woman herself, in terms of knowing exactly where to pitch on the line of extreme apathy or engagement.  For example, a very good looking man with personality, charisma and knowledge women would need to lean slightly to the left side of middle.  This is only true because nearly all women see a man of this calibre as unattainable, and an aloof attitude will only further distance him from their insecurities.  But as 99% of men fall below this looks grade, the big money is towards leaning to the right side of centre.  Somewhere near 65% to 70% to the right should be wear a man lands the cap.

Women need to be challenged, but they also need incremental care, love, affection and reassurance of their worthiness to the world.  Too much, and she believes she can do better.  Too little, and she senses a time when her man is drifting away.  Some women, prideful of their self-importance and eager to protect their egos, often take a reluctant decision to jettison from the relationship if they sense that a man could dive in before first.  When all said and done, women tend to do the dumping once men are satisfied with the pumping.