Saturday 15 April 2017

Man too physically blessed to pull women?

"A man hears what he wants to hear, and disregards the rest."
(Simon and Garfunkel: The Boxer)

A reader makes some points based on this previous post from Women’s choices: men’s divorces.

I don't know how I found this blog post, but I have anecdotal evidence that can point to what you said about Man #1.

I'm a 27 year old 6'4" white male with a very athletic physique, broad shoulders with very narrow waist/hips, and have facial aesthetics on par with guys like former Calvin Klein model Fredrik Ljungberg. However, I was a very late bloomer, around early 20s, and prior to that was a very awkward and unattractive teen who didn't get any attention from females. 

I've never in my life had a girlfriend and have a severe struggle with getting one, which I blame on my inexperience with women and their intimidation/insecurity of being with a guy like me. I've tried online dating sites and I almost never get any responses, the ones that do respond generally look for almost any excuse to reject me during our internet conversations. In real life, I have women accuse me of being a player and/or give me an attitude whenever I try to converse with them. However, on the flip side I've had people assume I'm gay simply because I'm chronically single. I do have women in public checking me out but it is generally done when they are in groups, but when they are alone they are more subtle about it. 

So, yes for some men being very attractive can be an issue depending on the type of women you are pursuing.

My response:

Like you, I was a physically late bloomer, so I can relate to how your required confidence levels are perhaps playing catch up. 

Your predicament, if it can be described as that, is something hardly anybody comprehends, because such a tiny percentage (<0.1%) of men encounter it.  Those who are aware of the situation tend to also be liars or/and too proud to face up to the truth and reality.  Nevertheless, what I would always remind anybody like you is that there are so many ways to benefit from being tall, facially good looking, and attain a great physique - in comparison to not having these blessings.  Remember this for as long as you have it, because when you do not receive all this attention, eye contact, intimidation receipt, and rejection from women, it will be the sure sign that your physical decline has commenced.  When that day arrives, I'll bet a pretty penny that you'd wish for the "problems" back. So ultimately, make the most of today.

However, pretty much everything you document is accurate and real.  In simple terms, you are too physically attractive for >99% of women generally, let alone the probable small pool of women you would want to be with.  When I say "too physically attractive", I mean it from the female egoism and trust perspective.  The only way this issue could be eradicated in a switch would be to gain overnight fame and extreme wealth.  On the basis this isn't going to happen, my main advice would be to work on your confidence, give less care to the world and what others think of you, and essentially approach more women.  Take rejection or cold shoulders from women as a compliment, not an insult. 

One final point is your height.  Don't get me wrong, a man being 6ft 4" is way more advantageous than being 5ft 8", and also in relation to 5ft 10", but being as tall as you are, outside of sports stars, is a likely drawback than a blessing.  This is firstly because women will find you even more intimidating than guys of 6ft on the dot, but also even too tall for their natural sexual predilections.

It would be easy to just say that you need to target women around 5ft 10" to 5ft 11" hotties, as they will want men taller than them when in heels, but it also isn't so simple as this. Unless they're just looking for a one night stand or short term fling (which is rare for the most physically attractive women), even tall women as described may only want a man two or three inches taller.  This is because women, in particular women post 23 years of age, are sizing up a man as a future father to their children.  A tall woman being impregnated by a tall man will by no mean coincidence produce a very tall son or daughter.  Whilst it isn't as much of an issue being a very tall man, women (hence: the mothers) deep down know how it is a disadvantage in the romantic world in being a very tall woman.  I don't see many female high jumpers or netball stars with the highest quality men.

So in essence and with this in mind, I would advise you, for the path of least resistance, to target women around 5ft 7" to 5ft 8".  In addition, by and large you will receive more positive engagement when targeting women 23 or younger, because this age group place greater emphasis on male aesthetic value than a need for provisioning and to feel better about themselves (in being with a lesser looking boyfriend), and they are more likely to place their hearts ahead of their ego. By abiding with all this it should, in my view, give you the greatest chance of openings and success.

One final point is female screening - in optimizing the positive receptiveness when approaching women you are interested in.  Within time constrained moments this task is not easy, therefore if in bars or walking down the street, I would just pro-act without thought in asking first and not worrying about the permutations.  However, with greater experience acquired and thorough observation of female character and habits, you will pick up tell tale signs from the body language and social belongings of women.  

So if there is a solid hot girl (say 8.5/10) who you have previously seen alongside a couple of considerably lesser looking (anything from 6.5/10 to 7.5/10) boyfriends, the chances are she wouldn't date or sleep with you even if hell froze over.  There is no way her big ego, low confidence and high insecurity would allow her to do so.  But on the flip side, if you sense a cutie, or even a hot girl, give you a genuine, non-antagonistic and amiable eye, there is a much stronger possibility that she is open to take things further.  

Sunday 12 March 2017

Women's selection motivations

"From near or afar, the answers are only clear once you take a step back."

Reader Bryce asks for some of my knowledge on the following topic:

Hi Vinay,

I have a couple more questions, I've been away in foreign countries and greeted well by the women there, some even asked if I'm a athlete haha.

One good looking guy problem I've always noticed is being "used" for validation. For example, a women may talk to you to impress their friends or ask for a date themselves so that they can say they went on a date with you with no intention of moving things further. Ever experienced this? I'm usually annoyed when this happen.

Another one is women creating (relationship) drama with your name in organizations such as school and work. Again, I think this is validation related, where their girlfriends see them having drama with an attractive guy, these girls are average at most in terms of looks. Keep in mind I try not to feed into it, but they will tell their friends lies about me asking them out and usually it's they that have been trying to date me and I respectfully declined only to be met with female harassment and a ruined reputation :(

Anyways, curious if you have any insights on this. I feel like people don't realize that the attention that attractive guys get is sometimes unwanted and they have the option to decline. Women think if they show interest you must follow through, you don't have a choice... basically like an object. 

My response:

Whenever you consider the subject of female selectivity in terms of the man they (rarely) pursue or (mostly) consider taking up adventures with, whether this consideration is for a one night stand, a short term fling, an indefinite timescale relationship, or even marriage and kids, you will almost always need to concede that a woman's primary thought is based upon how it can benefit her externally judged self-value and economical self-interest. 

If she chooses the one night stand or short term fling, her first thought will, by and large, be based upon desires for her social network "followers" or close friends to know she is appealing to the world.  "This guy found me irresistible", she so says in silence and hopes everyone thinks.  The secondary motivation to this short term mentality, and I'll reiterate secondary, is satisfying her heart and sexual orgasmic enrichment.  Even in the modern world where women have become more promiscuous and sexually liberated in comparison to generations gone by, it is still important to remember that only a very small minority (I'd estimate fewer than 10%) of the female sexually active population proactively go into one nighters or conscious knowledge of only a few weeks of sex.  Their prides are too fragile to come across as cheap, and ultimately they know that too much of this lifestyle will detract future worthwhile male candidates to take them on as girlfriend or wife material.  This is all the more pertinent with women as they move up the hotness scale.  In other words, the hotter the girl, the less sexually easy, generally speaking, she is.

With longer term thoughts - long term relationships and marriage thought process - a woman will pick out men who can give her the best profile and financially appealing life.  This is most relevant to women post 23 years of age, and even more so between the female ages of 25 to 28.  So a woman will compromise heavily on what makes her heart tick and knickers wet, in return of a lesser looking but higher status and wealthier man who can provide the biggest house in an affluent location, the most expensive car she can drive, the best holidays to put on her social media pages, and kids kitted out in clothes at a school that stands out in relativity to her so called other female friends. 

To Bryce's first point.... He is absolutely on the money about some women using the most physically attractive men as a source of validation and exposure to impress her onlookers.  Again, I would still say this is a minority of women, and it is far more prevalent to women under the age of 24.  Strangely you may see women go through this trend once more around the mid 30's, with a far less frequent female demographic of say aged 25 to 32 - hence the heavy stage for women to seek out "the one" - taking on men who only make them look more important and valuable. 

I always recall a few years ago on a night out when a woman (a few days before her 25th birthday) made her friend approach me and ask my opinion on what I thought of her.  Her friend had said how fit she (the woman pursuing me) thought I was.  She was a cute 7/10, nothing special but fuckable, but as I was single at the time it was more than worth me approaching her to take things on that bit further.  Even as the night went on, I sensed her enthusiasm diminishing.  We went out the following Friday, and there wasn't much chemistry on her part at all, or mine either to be be fair.  Nevertheless, I would still have indifferently seen where it could take us.  I barely heard from her again, absent of a few texts to most likely ramp up her good inner feeling.  About a year later on another night out, she came up to me in front of her friends.  I was far wiser to the event this time, pretty much talking to her whilst concurrently checking hotter women out.  She ended up marrying a man of total average (6/10) looks, and they have since had at least one child.

In terms of the drama thing, again this is a by-product of all women requiring a level of intensity, dramatic happenings, and attention that shows the flame is still burning in their life.  How many women, even newly married women, do you meet who come across as just more than happy to describe a low-profile and enjoyable (but none drama contained) weekend when in discussion with her other female friends?  Not many I would guess.  So yes, I agree that using a good looking man for extra drama is more than a possible occurrence, however what I would say is drama-seeking girls will more likely go for jerks or/and local well-known men (think of DJ's, club promoters, gym instructors, city centre bartenders, etc).  As, in my view <1% of men are truly from a stand out aesthetically blessed stature - hence facially good looking, impressive body, 6ft to 6ft 2" height - the chances are that not many of these jerks or popular men are also top end physically attractive men.  So in essence, what I'm saying is women, especially under the age of 24, will seek out drama and self-importance more from this kind of man than a very good looking man.

All women want and need drama in their lives.  It's just finding out the level of drama they require in determining whether they are worth long term consideration or placement in a compartment as pump and dump material only.

In summary to the final point made, you have to acknowledge that, in a world where >95% of men are average looking, at least this same percentage of women will end up with an average looking man.  Sounds obvious, but it needs illustrating to make sense of the next point.  A rare man who sits at the top end of male physical good looks is going to stand out like a sore thumb to all these women who are with mediocre looking men, and because of their boredom with looking at their uninspiring man day in day out, human instinct dictates that they will, at the very least, take a look at the very good looking man they are not accustomed to see very often.  A tiny percentage of them will try and take it further, but most will not take the risk of losing out on everything they have just for a bit of fresher and intense sexual stimulation.  But as the man receiving these bed eyes, especially if he is single, the natural response is to interact if you find her bangable.  At the end of the day, it is attaining the ability to distinguish between female and male motivations and agendas when they look at the opposite sex.

Saturday 21 January 2017

Marriage thoughts

"A person with more friends than fingers is a fool."

Reader Danny asks for my thoughts on marriage:


One other great post indeed:) 

By the way..wanted to ask you?
If you'd get married...what woman you'd chose?..a 10?.. 8?..since beauty is such a transitory factor for a woman before she gets fat?..
I wonder...
Danny boy:)

My response:

You can never say never in life, but knowing myself better than anyone else comes close to, and in comprehension to the life knowledge I've acquired and understanding of women that has developed over the years, I couldn't see myself marrying anything less than a 7.5/10 looks rated woman.  This woman referenced would need to possess an excellent personality and be very enjoyable company that outweighs the enrichment of an independent life.  In addition to this, she would also have to be somewhere near to my own level of financial assets, or come from a wealthy background that could contribute to our common objectives.  If I sensed for a split second that compromise and empathy were not part of her character vocabulary, she wouldn't last beyond her sexual use to me.

Female physical attractiveness, in men's eyes, gives women more leeway with male demands.  I'm no different.  This isn't, very often, the same case in the gender inverse perspective.  A man's good looks (or better looks in comparison to a lesser looking man from the woman's past) will rarely shorten the list or intensity of a woman's demands for long term consideration.  What good male looks do give men is more opportunity for short term flings and one night stands.

To explain further, if the woman was an 8/10, I wouldn't be as particular about her non-visual attributes in relation to the 7.5/10 woman.  This is mainly in thought to a non-marital relationship.  Likewise, a 8.5/10 woman would receive more leeway than the 8/10 woman, and again a 9/10 woman receives more leeway further still.  But to reiterate, this is out of wedlock consideration.

The reason I stress that this process only follows as a boyfriend and not a husband is because, as Danny strongly alludes to, a woman's peak beauty period is short lived.  Marriage only compounds this sad but true case of events, because the majority of women rapidly become more unattractive once married.  General observation is all you need to back this up.  Why?  Well most women have achieved their life dream once the ring is on the finger and the big wedding day is over, and they have little concern (although they will have firm knowledge) to the primary reason her now husband proposed to her - based on her looks.  Whereas once the cakes and fast food were resisted, and gym visits were more frequent, post marriage leads her to the opposite lifestyle pattern.  If a woman does keep up her good habits post marriage, it is either (less so) because she deeply loves and respects her husband and knows he may stray if she doesn't keep up her appearance, or (more so) due to still being on the lookout for a better male alternative. 

Kids, usually a by-product of marriage despite many women in this day and age giving birth prior so, physically deteriorate both women and men.  There is no getting away from this unfriendly fact.  Not only do the little sods give parents half the amount of sleep than the single or dating life offered, but the sheer stress of financial burden that children manifest plays on a human's mind both day and night.  I'm not a parent, but any honest parent would admit this is the case.  But as time is a more vicious and unforgiving circumstance to a woman's face and body than to a man's equivalence, the parenthood role plays a more strenuous picture, although perhaps not mind, on her than him. 

Now add on the unproven but natural consequence of marriage making women less charming and appreciative.  Prior to marriage, women have a far greater motivation to act friendly, receptive and gratifying in order to secure the sucker who will take her down the aisle.  Afterwards, poof, the slippery slide will start.  Once a woman has a grip on a man's future, she has far less inclination to be nice and accommodating.  And her demands only become stronger as each day ticks by, probably until the point (around late 30's to early 40's) where she knows very few men will marry her again.  Some of the friendliest women are in their late 30's and early 40's, but these are mainly divorcees on the lookout for a new man.  They have regained the necessity to be charming once more. 

So in essence, the moral of all this is not to get married unless you, by magic, land on a female dime that is as rare as rocking horse shit.  Another argument could be if you came into a fortune, but even then be prepared to lose a good chunk of this later down the line.  Marrying a richer woman than you is also a fair justification, although these women are seldom the best lookers.

I often view marriage, or the relationship with the woman a man marries, as a 10% happiness life span.  If the rough survival rate is around 85, at best you will have 8 years of unbelievable happiness that exceeds the single life.  Much of this 8 years will be pre-marriage rather than post wedding day.  I'm a big statistic and percentage kind of guy, and for me, 10% is not long or great enough to compensate for the other 90% of indifference or misery.

My step-sister gets married this late summer.  I'll keep my mouth shut on the day, but make no mistake that I have no problem telling people what I think on this subject.  The only exception is in the early days when a cute or hot woman comes into my life.  If they don't ask, I don't tell....      


Saturday 14 January 2017

Cute women and hot women distinctions

"All you need in life is hope, happiness, and security."

A reader asks the following:

Hi Vinay, nice post. Can you explain the difference between hot woman and cute woman?

My response:

The separation between a cute woman and a hot woman in the sexual market is perhaps the most challenging out there when analyzing differences in gender physicality and character.  Bitches can be removed from sweet girls (although this doesn't necessarily mean a sweet girl will be any more resistant to leave once she finds a better option).  Bad boys and nice guys can be categorized without too much difficulty.  An intelligent woman stands out like a sore thumb against the hoards of dumb women.  And, despite what their respective girlfriends try to convince otherwise, an average to above average looking man is a stand-out physical downgrade to a good looking man (considering all of facial features, body profile, and height).

For me, a cute woman sits at a physical attractiveness grade ranging from 7/10 to 7.75/10.  You will see hundreds of them, even thousands, in the course of a year.  A hot woman takes over at 8/10 onwards.  You will see half a dozen to a dozen lower end hot girls of 8/10 to 8.25/10 in your average week, depending on how much you get out the house of course.  Medium hot girls of 8.5/10 to 8.75/10 will be much rarer, and perhaps observed about a dozen times in a year - and that's being very optimistic.  As for anyone with realistic standards and truthful judgment, 9/10 or greater women in looks terms are seen a couple of times annually in real life, or on wholesale occasions in magazines, on TV, or internet browsing.

But people are very sensitive when judging other's physical attractiveness levels.  Often this is because of attainability factors.  A woman will usually leverage her rating of a man who isn't as eye catching as her, and she will likewise deleverage her rating of a man who is as or more aesthetically blessed than her in gender relative terms.  As for men, their voices on this subject are different but similar in the same breath.  Most men will still say a woman is hot even if she is well out of his grasp.  Why?  Men don't have the big egos, insecurities and fragile prides that women possess.  However, what men will do is push up the level of a woman he is in a relationship with, or even someone he has is eye on, despite her being overweight, uglier, saggier or older than he would choose with a carte blanche of options.

Sometimes pictures spell out more on the distinction of female cuteness and hotness:

The two blondies above are cute women in any truthful man's eyes.  For me, they are both 7.25/10, and on a good day you could push me to 7.5/10.  Now of course, to many men these women would be classed as hot, but this is because both of them are out of most men's leagues in visual respects.  Nevertheless, most women who look like these two are with just run of the mill men - average looking, decent but not spectacular professions, and nothing to write home about in style, personality or charisma terms.

These two women on the other hand are hot.  Again, I'd go 8.75/10, but I wouldn't put up much resistance for a 9/10 grade.  At their peak (and this peak is nothing more than a few years for women), these kinds of women are seen with professional sports stars or celebrities of some kind.  This far from means every woman who looks like these two are with a top end famous man, because there are hundreds of women who look like them for every one man I refer to.  Most of these women end up with older or/and above average looking men, who belong to the top 1% pay scales. 

Non-visual considerations

Just as important to consider for men is how to approach the mentality of both cute and hot women.  By clear majority, female physical allure aligns with female character. 

Cute women, by and large, are friendlier, more approachable, not so prone to take themselves seriously, and better company.  They aren't always worrying about how the outside world perceives or judges them, because although still hounded by the mediocre male population, deep down they know there are many more beautiful women out there.  They haven't been necessitated to rely on, or had the luxury of relying,  solely on their looks for a free handout.  Although social media - through female "friendship" compliments and male supplication - has elevated a woman's self-opinion above the objective mirror reflection, they are still realistic enough to know they cannot compete with their hotter counterparts.  This, generally, makes them less expectant and more forthcoming in what the real world is about. 

Hot women take on a far more serious demeanour.  Unless found in girl party nights out in attempts to convince the watching public life is so much fun, they are easy to detect low confidence and high insecurity traits when alone.  Looking down at a phone is the most common trick to conceal this weakness, but also look out for quick strides, no eye contact with anyone, or a basic inability to just relax and enjoy life.  If you ever find a hot women who does the opposite to all the aforementioned, and actually has a bright outlook on life, you may as well be looking at a unicorn.  No, they do exist as I've had the pleasure of intimately knowing a few, but make no mistake that they are incredibly rare.  And when not done up to look their best, they can be the hardest to deal with.

This, as a summary, leads it conveniently onto how men should assess cute and hot women prior to cold approach interaction. 

All else equal, a cute woman will not entertain dating ugly men, unless she attains an almighty high ego and is in need for uninterrupted attention and love.  She will know no other woman wants him.  Needless to say, in the absence of high status or earnings, no hot woman wants to be seen within fifty yards of an ugly man.  She has her reputation to think of. 

A cute woman, like the two shown above, will usually be seen with average looking men of 6/10 to 7/10 in looks aspects.  Again, I reiterate the all else equal phrase.  This is why any Average Joe really should be aware that there is so much opportunity for him to grade up to a cute woman.  Cute women have ego led, if not heart and sexual impulses, inclinations to be drawn to men who are that full grade lower them in visual blessings. 

A hot woman, like the two shown above, are commonplace alongside above average looking men of 7.25/10 to 7.75/10.  It runs in parallel with the cute girl explanation. The female mind uncontrollably strays towards men they are not repulsed with, but equally men who are less physically attractive.  The big difference between a hot woman against a cute woman is that the former place far higher hoops to jump over with regards to male status and wealth requirements.  However, there are still more hot women than very high status or rich men, therefore a surplus of them have no choice but to settle for "Mr Nearly Right".

This is why men, as has been said before on this blog, should never think they need to go the extra yard to please women.  The right attitude, confidence and knowledge is a far greater tool kit.  Men can get carried away by only seeing a few cute and hot women, so they form an automated mindset to believe that if they get that one chance, they need to act like she is the only girl in the world.  It's not until you actually travel a bit, open your eyes, and realize there are a good number of them who far outweigh the quantities of men you think they are with.  Not every man is a pop star or millionaire.  Keep that thought in the front end of your mind next time you think she is too good for you.