Saturday 31 May 2014

Men’s suntans cause female antagonism

“Sell in May, and go away.  Change your tune, and buy in June.”

I always remember my first time abroad.  I was 11, and we adventured on with a family holiday to Spain.  By the end of the holiday, my white Caucasian mother and black African father were close to literally killing each other.  I’ll never forget sitting in the bedroom one night, and hearing them argue about her leaving him once we returned to England.  Their marriage survived another 5 years, but it was nothing more than two adults living in the same house with very little interaction.  The lights were on, but there was nobody at home.

Despite living in a hot country prior moving to the UK, my dad despised the sun and heat.  My older brother wasn’t too keen either, so it left me to sunbathe with my mum.  I asked her one day why people liked to have a suntan.  Her simple answer was that it made people look more attractive.  As a kid, I hadn’t acknowledged it until that moment of her explanation.  I’ve enjoyed sunbathing ever since.

I came back from that vacation as dark as my father.  As light brown skin is my natural colour formed from the mixed-raced ethnicity, I’ll be the first to admit that I can go darker than the colour that, I believe, makes me look most appealing to women  visually attractive.  It never bothers me, because in a residing country where you can go 2 weeks without seeing a hint of sunshine even in summer months, it will not take long to fade into something more to my liking.  I doubt there are many white Caucasian men who have the same inverted luxury of going darker than their predilection.  But for many men, in particular those with blessed physical attractiveness, and especially in facial terms, a developed suntan may not necessarily lead you to more doors opening with women’s positive emotional endeavours.

Why do women not tan as effectively?

Open your eyes and you will clearly see that women, on ethnicity like for likeness, do not tan as quickly, as dark or as sustained in comparison to men.  Forget about the make-up or fake tan they use to conceal the pale cheeks, I’m referring to the simple natural colour of someone’s skin after they have had a spell in the sun.  I come up with the following 3 main reasons:

  • Women are inclined to wear facial cosmetic enhancement at any given opportunity, and this does not allow the rays above from hitting their first layer of skin.  Even when a person is not specifically sunbathing per se, the sun will still give off enough power to bring about a darker skin tone.
  • Women, by and large, are more susceptible to feeling cold, irrespective to the season we sit in.  In the winter, it is usually the woman in the house cranking up the heating as the man sweats his pants off.  Even in the spring or summer, a man will feel far more comfortable in low heat of 18oC than a woman.  A woman may even sit inside if there is a cool breeze floating across.  Once more, this prevents her from a slow progression to look more tanned.
  • Although I’m no scientist, there is enough evidence to suggest that, based on an equivalent male versus female ethnicity, the man will be darker than the woman.  The pigmentations that sit inside our layers manifest to bring about a fundamental darker tone in male skin.  The darker someone is, the quicker they will tan.  The darker they become, the longer it takes to return to our baseline colour.  So ultimately, a woman would need to spend an abundance of greater time in the sun, only to probably never become as tanned.

I could take another route in the fact that far more men work outside than women, but we won’t go there.  As always, I look at what I see in preference to what is said.  Women are simply not as dark as men on a wholesale basis.

Why don’t women “like” men with suntans?

First of all, nearly all women will find the same man with a suntan more sexually attractive than prior to his suntan.  Why do you think the “tall, dark and handsome” cliché is heard all the time by women aiming to score credit points, yet acting differently in their selections of male partner suitability?  But as this blog has referred to on various occasions, it is imperative to acknowledge what women truthfully want as boyfriend or future husband material.  The simple reality is; between 80% to 90% of women select a long term male mate who is less physically attractive than her, and a good percentage of the remainder will still prefer to be with someone less eye catching unless he has many other things to throw on the table that she can benefit from. 

In essence, and by near absolution, the female ego is not capable of being with a man on a long term basis who will catch the public eye more than she does.  General observation will back this up, and as much as men may choose to believe women who say words along the lines of “looks has nothing to do with it" or “it’s what’s inside that counts”, these statements are vain attempts to hide their weaknesses and insecurities.  They get away with it because most men are simple lapdogs who nod their heads in fear of not being liked by women if they disagree.  My god, how could a man possibly contemplate not believing what a woman says!

Are women antagonistic towards all men with suntans?

As always, no explanation to women’s emotions is the same when faced upon with different looking men. 

If she finds herself with (through likely deliberation) a man more than the usual 10% to 15% less physically attractive than she is, the likelihood is for her to actually favour his suntan.  Women face a tug of war battle in their minds, and nothing epitomizes this more than when they are clearly with a much less glamorous man.  As although her ego is satisfied due to his comparative ugliness, she will still have irritable feelings born out of no other woman ever mentioning that he looks good.  There are only so many times she will feed off exhilaration from adjectives towards him being “nice”.  With this in mind, a suntan on her much uglier boyfriend will likely give off more positive, than negative, feelings.  It will be the first time she can call him “gorgeous” without coming across as a total clown.

If a woman is with a man who is the typical 10% to 15% de-leveraged normality – hence less physically attractive than her but not in a fall off your seat way – the gap is bridged in terms of her favourability to his tan.  Most women who grade down look for a man who holds more value than them in as many areas as possible – personality, earnings, status, potential, ambition, etc – but the one undeniable exception is looks.  Show me a woman who actually prefers to be with a man more visually impressive than her, and I’ll show you a piece of rocking horse turd.  With this consideration, a suntan on average looking single men in general will have varying results.  If you fall in the lower end of overall average physical attractiveness scale (5/10 to 6.75/10), there will be far more women who find you appealing than repelling when you have a tan.  If from the higher end of average (7/10 to 7.75/10), the inverse applies, and you will find yourself being rejected by some women who would perhaps have been more engaging in the colder months.  Simply put: your suntan gave you that extra ¼ to ½ grade to elevate you above the greatest proportion of women (even most cute women). 

As for my fellow good looking male counterparts, don’t be surprised if you meet fewer women with open arms in the summer than you do so in the winter.  I don’t think I need to elaborate too much into the reasons, but a man who is fundamentally 8.25/10 in overall physical attractiveness will easily leverage up to 8.5/10 with a glow to his face, and this will mean you are above nearly all women in any random town or city on your travels. 

Short guys who are facially blessed will have more leeway with a suntan, as women will not be as intimidated due to the knowledge that not as many other women will be sexually interested.  That said, a woman who was put off by your lack of height is unlikely to be more endearing just because of your browner skin.

Facially average looking men with impressive bodies (and assumed above average height) will also not be punished as much in respect to women’s stern egos and fragile prides looking down on their tans.  It may deter some lower end cute women, as you will now be above these cuties’ self-assessed grade, but this is your time to strike for high end cute or hot women you perhaps thought were unattainable.  This is only true because women are, generally speaking, forthcoming towards male height and good bodies, but adversarial towards facially handsome gifted males.   

As for me...

When I consider my current girlfriend and ex-girlfriends, I have only ever met two of them during the summer season.  They were below the age of 23, and they were both 8.5/10 in physical attractiveness.  Unusually for women, both of them attained a high degree of confidence and self-assurance, but most of all they were rare women who would only become sexually involved with men who instinctively turned them on.  In other words, sexual inclinations came well before any need for male provisioning or a requirement to be the more admirable in the bond.  I bet you good readers can’t think of too many women like this in your lifetime? 

But one thing I can say is that, for all the others I met when I wasn’t sporting a tan, they didn’t suddenly run a mile once the summer arrived and the skin swopped colours.  Once a woman is in love with her man, or she knows he is a good guy and a great catch, it is no coincidence how she will put aside any irritable feelings she has. 

So where do women go in the summer?

But if women are well known for dumping their providing but uninspiring boyfriends after cold nights, Christmas, New Year’s Eve and Valentine’s Day have passed, yet their egos are taking them further away from a man with a tan, where do they head off during warmer times.  This is when you will see many women, with the exception of extreme boyfriend validation requiring women, join back up with their female friends.  It is a short term fix, because most women do prefer the comfort of feeling important and having a male puppet someone to pick up the restaurant bill or buy shoes for her, but in a world where men are clueless to their cunning plans, manipulations and plausible denials, they can live the life that offers them both ends of the cake.  This is, of course, until their dwindling looks result in a reduction of men willing to be taken for fools.

Side note
Although this blog offers advice on how men should consider acting in view to the way women will receive them in positive fashion – due to female low confidence, low trust levels, high insecurities and off the scale egoism – it will always abide by prioritizing what pleases the man first.  With me, I fully acknowledge why women reject my advances, but it isn’t enough of an issue to change what I love being and doing in life.  When all is said and done, the inspiration of looking and feeling good far outweighs any concern I have for women.  There simply aren’t enough quality women with value to warrant a switch.  This is the path of least resistance I would always advise.

Only today walked my good blonde friend (see referring post below) into the gym.  She was back to her curvy figure and had the small hint of a tan herself.  When I engaged with her, looking my finest from a recent and rare sunny spell in England, she once more gave me the “huh” with that hostile and jealous expression.  I’m off to Italy in a couple of weeks.  I’ll be intrigued to see how the lovely Italian ladies respond to it all.

Further reading

Thursday 29 May 2014

Who becomes bored and exits first?

“When boredom kicks in it is hard to conquer.  New experiences, novelties and adventures are fine at first, but then we become so expectant that the freshness translates into the mundane, and it manifests to produce a boring perception of our own life.  And as most are natural followers, we usually wait for someone else to invent a new idea.”

It is often assumed by both women and men that when an emotional relationship starts to become stale it is the man to make the first move on route to break the pure bond.  This assumption, whilst unproven, is conceivably true to the extent of infidelity.  Divorce statistics in 2011 from the United Kingdom prove this theory to be accurate, as there was eighty percent more women citing grounds for divorce based on adultery in comparison to men filing for divorce on a likewise basis.  This figure has to be assessed in line with ninety-one percent more women initiating divorce (for all causes) than men.

There are different circumstances that lead a man to be unfaithful.   A man follows the natural flow of life to financially support his partner and their children: therefore he works his way up the career ladder, earns more money, creates more status for himself, becomes more confident and charismatic on the back of all the said (especially in other female eyes), and most importantly, he interacts with more people due to this busy schedule.  When times get hard with his wife or girlfriend, temptations can turn into betrayal.

Physical attractiveness is also a factor in consideration to fornicate with someone outside of the relationship.  There are far less physically attractive men in the world than there are females in comparison.  The odd social environment like a gym will contradict this view, but if someone was to walk down a random beach, shopping mall or bar corridor, this observation would only be disagreed with by the most adamant of man claiming there are not enough hot women out there, or a woman lacking in objectivity and honesty - striving mainly to convince herself she is in an exclusive group of few beautiful women in the world.  Good looks for a man can be a drawback due to female insecurity and self-esteem needs, but if a handsome guy has a level of understanding to how the attraction world works, the figures are in his favour.  Again, numerous inducements may eventually lead him to stray from a once exclusive love.

However, probably the strongest reason for the largest group of unfaithful men is due to their lesser fear of emotional rejection.  If a man can truthfully say that he hasn’t had a woman who has blatantly asked him out on a date recently, this isn’t a coincidence.  He may have picked up on the flicking of her hair in his direction or her standing in his vicinity (usually men are alert of these female hints and proximity alerts when it is too late), but seldom does she verbally, or in any other deliverable way, put herself in a position to be objectively rejected.  Whilst not easy for men, they fear it far less and do not fall into a wave of self-pity if sustained.  Average or ugly looks are not a total show stopper for men when striving to secure women above them in physical attractiveness relativity, therefore if he also has other value traits such as personality, charisma, wealth and status, he will be able to appeal (if not physically attract) to many women.  This illogical consequence of life once again plays a favourable part in the numbers game.  For example, an average looking man will have more female pursuits than an average looking woman would have men following her.  This is true because a large proportion of women, especially as they get older, place more interest in having a supportive partner.  On the other hand, most men place maximum emphasis on female looks, over and above any other metric she may possess.  

So if men are the party most culpable to cheat, where do women fit into all this?  First and foremost, a percentage of women do carry out the role of the infidelity member in the relationship.  In this day and age, their social, and to a less extent, emotional opportunities, create a path to meet more sex-hungry males.  Nevertheless, whilst this cannot be ignored, far less women than men will be unfaithful in the same time frame of the emotional bond with their male partners.  Where women are possibly guiltier is when it comes to being the one to have the first doubts about their relationship, and to consequently look to move on.  She may not therefore adulterate, but this will not prevent her from creating a little red book of potential impending boyfriends.  The reason for all this is, more often than not, due to her boredom towards not just her current partner but also the uninteresting life she believes he has now created for her.  In these cases, a love turns into the emotion of resentment.

If you have experienced the unquestionable joy of bringing up children in the world then you will fully know of their interest and boredom levels.  I have never had this experience, but I have seen the upbringing of kids from many of my friends and family.  Amongst the pleasurable views of hair and teeth growth as the weeks pass by, along with their cute endeavours to progressively make the first walking step, what is noticeable is the ever changing carousel of the toys and games they seek enjoyment from.  I guess this is the unique nature of kids - once they have mastered the art of something they go onto their next challenge.

The above observation is no different whether it be girls or boys.  This trend, from my childhood memory, is also similar on gender comparisons when juveniles grow through their teens.  Something then happens from a person’s late teens to, dependant on the individual, sometimes even grown adult age.

Although more engaging to new challenges in life, men, by enlarge, appear to find a stage where they are more content with their life than women seem to be.  Whether this is with a steady job, a decent house or car, regular outings to the football with their friends, or four visits to the gym each week, men can be transfixed to a certain routine in their lives. Many women (especially the respective girlfriends) will view this busy life as boring, predictable and low in ambition.  An important note for a man in this situation, or if he has heard these words for himself, is to be aware that her emotive speech is looking at the perspective from her own happiness terms and not his.  What this really interprets as is: he is not taking her on enough memorable experiences, or he is not earning enough money to satisfy her own needs.  Sure, it may be an accustomed routine, but if a man is truly and genuinely happy with his weekly events then why should he feel the need to change until he needs a new challenge to please himself?  Most men will break this happy routine in order to please their partners, and there is nothing wrong and absolutely everything right with compromise providing it is a two-way process.  Usually it isn‘t two-way, but to balance out everything it is only fair to point out that, unless she has a gun pointed at his head, every man has a choice to his change-up.  Some men do change their life pattern, as the pleasure of accompanying the new experiences a woman brings to the table far out-weigh his sacrifices, and in any case, some of the week on week activities like Saturday night beers with the guys have reached the natural end.  Unfortunately, most men change due to their fear of losing her and belief she will look upon him with preference if he ditches something he does in order to suit her.  Weak men always do this, and they fail to realize women lose respect for a man for each and every time he carries this out.

On the other hand, women have less going on in their lives in general terms than men.  There are exceptions, but across a wide group this would be the outcome and conclusion.  They may talk far longer, and it may appear to a naïve by-stander that it is full of drama and eventful happenings, but by enlarge they are talking a lot about a very limited number of topics. This is only what makes a woman part of being her great overall character.  They are probably subconscious that their lives have become a little low on drama, they fear this will lead people to think they haven’t much going on - so they look to create fiction to prove the flame is still burning and they can validate their importance.  Again, this is all light-hearted in the whole scheme of things, and as a wise man, it can be amusement to be that by-stander and be conscious that ninety percent of the drama will not turn into anything of major consequence or impact.  It is when her boredom implicates on the man she is with that it becomes more of a serious issue.

When all said and done, a man only has himself to blame if he allows a scenario of this kind to get out of hand and uncontrollable.  If he lets himself think that nothing is enough for her then he should ask the question to how it reached there in the first place.  The answers are simple in truth: he did what he believed he had to do to keep her, which ultimately was to give up his own life to show he cared about her life more.  To re-iterate, all this achieved was a short term smile and appreciation on her behalf, with longer term achievements of expectation and reduced respect.  We can all believe we are doing the right things only later to find out we were making the absolute wrong moves.  I’ve been there.  Nobody helps you on the way, as it is a simple case of learning as you travel on.  It’s those that never learn who I feel sorry for the most.  So men should expect women to become bored, and even second guess that they will implement smoke-screen comments in finding someone else who will provide a more suitable way of life.  If this comment is made, is a relationship like this worth it?  There are plenty of much lower maintenance women in the world - they are just harder to locate.  And if high maintenance, she needs to know from the first day that she can be this way on her terms, but not on his.

It’s no secret to anyone who opens their eyes and lives in the real world that women jettison from the majority of relationships.  I would estimate this figure to be approximately seventy percent.  In my opinion, the female dominated abandonments are the consequence of four reasons:
  • First, women’s natural requirement for intensity and drama in their lives – a degree far above men’s tolerances in the same respect – causes them to become bored earlier in the relationship.  This congregation of emotions causes them to seek for more suitable options before a man thinks likewise. 
  • Second, women, by enlarge, are tuned towards finding long term relationships (and marriage material), whilst men are more content on the shorter game.  A woman will know her optimum dating period is shorter than a man’s, and this manifests as a subconscious thought process for her to withdraw from lost causes.  Within the same partnership, a man may drag his heels during indifferent times for the sake of the mitigating sexual pleasures.
  • Third, a woman’s instincts for acting out infidelity are not as strong as a man’s compulsions to sexually adulterate.  Although a woman thinks as much, if not more, as a man would do in finding a higher class mate, they are less likely to cheat within the same period.  On the other hand, a man can still love his main woman while sleeping with someone else.  Ultimately, with the exact same emotions, women will depart from the relationship, and men will pursue in concurrence with external sexual escapades.
  • Fourth, women have firm knowledge, even at an early age, that their peak sexual market value is a shorter duration than the likewise in a man’s cases.  They also know it commences many years earlier.  They will look at their mother and father at the breakfast table, and take note to how younger male facial features appear in comparison to the female version on a like for like age basis.  With this conscience, women do not hold the luxury of time on their side in finding the highest value and most suitable mate from the opposite sex.  By the age of 25, if a woman has not tracked down her ideal man, or a man who is as highest value she can attain within her limitations, she will be fully aware her options may be limited from there on in due to the competition of younger counterparts.  At the same age, a man is starting to increase his sexual market value.  If locating an idea female partner was solely in conjunction with the time his value is at the optimum stage, a man would be prudent in waiting until well into his 30s. 

As a summary, I knew of a young woman who suffered from the same threshold of boredom.  It is no coincidence that she is also high in attention requirement but relatively low in self-esteem.  Her father bought her a new car to celebrate passing her driving test.  A year later he was purchasing her a different new car.  I suspect, probably correctly, that this is in hope it puts a lid on her boredom and a smile on her face for a period of time.  In scenarios like these, I give it 6 months at the most before the joy turns to nothing more than a visual accessory. 

Women view relationships, at least up until a certain age or stage in life, far differently to men.  A relationship to a man is assessed on how happy they seem together, or worse still, how happy he perceives her to be.  A relationship to a woman is all about how it makes her feel about herself – in most cases, anyway.   When it comes to emotional relationships and the aspiration of love between a woman and a man, empathy can almost seem like an entirely different definition and world to each party.  

Monday 26 May 2014

Elliott Rodger took women’s existences too seriously

“Ride the tiger.  Don’t let the tiger ride you.”

British born Elliott Rodger’s despicable act of massacre, within a southern California college town, is the most evidential and recent message to date that misogyny does literally kill.  His decision of retribution on Friday 23rd May 2014 should only be noted with disgrace, shame and cowardice, and no remorse to his actions can be given.  Some people may claim this blog is directed towards misogynists, and whilst I whole-heartedly disagree, I wouldn’t waste time and energy trying to convince them otherwise.  By the end of reading this post, a few of these cynics may just acknowledge that blogs of this nature actually reduce misogyny, rather than promote it.  Let it be said, there is certainly no contrition on my part.

Rodger was a 22 year old man from a wealthy background.  Prior to the murders of six young lives, and his own, he recorded a brief message in explanation to his resentment of the world.  These were his snapshot “reasons”.
  • He claimed to suffer loneliness and rejection from women during “14 years of isolation”.
  • At the age of 22, he was still a virgin.  He subscribed to never even kissing a girl.
  • After 4 years of college, he still had not experienced sexual intercourse.
  • He stated girls were never attracted to him, and that he would “punish you all for it.”

Some of the stand out comments he made were as follows:
  •  “What don’t you see in me?” (directed at the female gender).
  • “You (women) throw yourself in front of obnoxious men, not me, a gentleman.”
  • “They (women) look down on me as an inferior man, whilst they throw themselves at these obnoxious brutes.”
  • “Girls, all I ever wanted was to love you, and to be loved by you.”
  • “If I can’t have you, girls, I will destroy you.”
  • “You (women) denied me a happy life.”

He also alluded to the fact that he would have the last laugh, and he was “the true alpha male”.  Doesn’t it cry out pity when a young man, with his whole life in front of him, becomes so frustrated with the opposite sex and men who seemingly benefit from his perception of their choices.

It is worth spending a few minutes watching the full video post.  He appears calm, perhaps somewhat intoxicated, but with obvious and transparent signs of frustration to unfeasible directives in life.  The common denominator in all his phrases are born out of hostility towards women who have rejected his advances, and he appears, despite being an intelligent person, to have little idea why this is the circumstance.

For a moment, I think it is worth taking a step back and to look at his offerings in terms of attractiveness criteria.  Facially he was good looking, even if perhaps in a more “pretty boy” illustration.  With my knowledge and study of men’s good looks, I’d confidently say he would have been in the top 3% facially best looking men in his college.  At 5ft 9 inches tall, he is an inch or so below average, and this factor, along with a slight build, would have held him back to a point in overall physical attractiveness scale.  With more aesthetically built male rivals, who would have attained sporting role status to hand, I can imagine how many of the cute and hot girls he hit on would take oversight to his good looks in preference to less facially gifted, but more physically profiled, men.  A young man in this predicament can become a little lost in this bizarre world.  Even at a young age, where physical attractiveness rules over most other male sexual market metrics in the eyes of the female population, women will still take predilections towards men who are maybe less facially eye catching than them, but more importantly, those who hold down popular profiles.  So a basketball point guard or football quarterback will by far trump a good looking man in a higher education environment. 

Rodger was an intelligent kid, and this was clear by the simple listening to his 6 minute upload.  However, intelligence and smartness is not necessarily an attractive trait to have as a man, and I think most men fail to take this in.  Even most University female students, let alone the female population as a whole, have a limited level of natural intellect and knowledge.  When a man shows off his wise wisdom (and I expect Rodger fell into this trap once too often), women can easily be put off by either feeling inferior or presumption of him being a geek.  This is all the more relevant with younger women who have no real interest in how intelligence can have positive knock-on effects.  So in reality, most women are repelled, rather than attracted, to extreme male intelligence.  They are only interested in it when it benefits them in direct or indirect fashion.  If his expertise is seen as a route to a big salary – hence provision for her when she is older – or an ability to fix a software problem on her laptop during college days, she will find this more attractive.  Other than that, male intelligence is not a great benefit to exploit.  I think Rodger would have scratched his head a few times in wondering why these girls weren’t willing to listen to his bedtime stories.

As the son of a film director, Rodger belonged to an affluent family.  From my experience during higher education days, high scale wealth, or a monetary link via parentage, holds little benefit in attracting women at a younger age.  Don’t get me wrong, it is better to have money than to not have it, but when everyone is congregated on campus with no vision of a big mansion or friends with flash cars, young women are not mentally tuned into what economic privileges produce.  Once more, if there is nothing in it for her then it becomes a non-entity.  Rich kids can form an arrogant mindset that they are a cut above human kind, and Rodger would have been no different.  As he documented in a comment he made on a forum, he couldn’t understand what a pretty girl was doing with a guy driving a Honda Civic – as opposed to his own BMW and Mercedes.  This all adds fuel to the fire on his frustrations.   

He made reference to women not being engaged to his “gentleman” demeanour, and instead they seemed magnetized to “obnoxious men”.  This is where comprehension of the red pill would have been imperative to him.  At a young age, and especially in college surroundings, the sad reality is that the cutest and hottest girls he was tracking down simply follow their innate mentality that is to seek what is forbidden.  Simply put: women with options – who are the most physically attractive women – go for what is hardest to find.  What is hardest to locate are men with options who treat them like crap or who have little interest in their existences.  In the meantime, nice guys like Rodger, who show their cards too soon and too blatantly, are left behind for another night. 

 Nevertheless, I believe his biggest failure, which ultimately resulted in him reaching breaking point, fell at the feet of not placing women in their true place in the world.  Putting his disgraceful act to one side for a moment, a 22 year old man can be forgiven in being this way.  In essence, his lack of knowledge of female psychology and physical evolution didn't allow him to take the necessary steps in viewing one woman as one simple commodity in a market of millions.  He placed too much emphasis on each rejection, and instead he needed to lead with a more relaxed mindset that women are moveable and interchangeable.  If one woman doesn’t want you, there is another one around the corner.  If you see a girl with a low-life jerk, pity her rather than resent her.  If a woman finds you too handsome, too ugly, too smart, too dark, too fat or too skinny; it will be her loss.  Never waste time on lost causes.  Never stand on ceremony for a woman who gives less in return.  Never waste time and money on someone who wouldn’t spend it on you.  Don’t cry over those who wouldn’t cry over you.  And most importantly, remember that the world is full of options and alternatives. 

All in all, Rodger could have done with a crystal ball showing him how these women looked a few years after declining his advances.  I’ve sustained innumerable rejections from women, and the vast majority had given me prior indicators of interest, but one thing I can honestly and genuinely say is that having seen them sometimes as little as 2 years down the line, I now wouldn’t touch them if they offered it on a plate.  He placed too much emphasis on the cold feeling of rejection, and instead he should have considered each and every occasion as a learning curve, a blessing, and most of all, a lucky escape.

So if only one thing can come out of this tragic event, I hope men of all ages, but in particular young men going through similar question marks as Rodger was putting to himself, can realize that it is actually a much easier life being a man than a woman.  Men don’t have period pains, ovulation cycles, nine month carriage of new productions, magnified insecurities, low confidence, fears of what the world thinks of them, or earlier and quicker sexual attractiveness decline.  As time moves on, up to a point, men have far more to offer the world, and to the opposite sex.  The cruel truth is that women have no such luxury.  

I believe Elliott Rodger had a bright future ahead of him if he understood how the sexual market works and evolves.  I further believe that, had he come across a blog of this kind not too long ago, it would have brought him perspective and comprehension in the realization of women in their true entirety within a man’s world.  Had he chose to analyze, rather than take the road of misogyny, we would likely not be once more talking about another American rampage.  It may just have saved the lives of six young innocent people.  Those nurturing injuries will live with the painful memories until their final day.  It may have saved his life too.

A final thought
Elliott Rodger indirectly boasted before his onslaught that he would be the winner against the opposite sex who didn't value his contribution to the world.  This is what Rodger didn't get into his skull at all.  By seeking revenge of any kind, a man who goes out of his way to distress women or seek attention with women shows the face of a male who is trying too hard to get noticed.  Great guys move onto someone or something else when rejection or adversity hits them head on, and they don't lose an ounce of sleep on the person who will one day wish they had been more forthcoming.  Rodger was no winner in any way, shape or form.  He lost the battle, and he most certainly lost the war.

Acknowledgements and further reading

Sunday 25 May 2014

The true description of a perennial jerk

“She shall love him for who he can be, and not for who he was. 
Unfortunately for her, he will always be what he is.”

I admire some attributes that jerks possess.  As a fundamental nice guy, I spent years believing women who fed men of my former self products of crap in the way that their continuous collisions with bad boys were through sheer misfortunes.  If any nice guy reading this could take only one beneficial piece of advice from this blog, he should never believe another woman stating these words for the remainder of his life.  

But if this nice guy should choose to go one step further, he would be well guided to see why women primarily are drawn to jerks.  It isn’t due to a man being a jerk, per se.  It is down to the firm attitude in prioritizing his own life, objectives, agendas and interests ahead of any woman tracking him down.  Women, deny it as they will, feed positively off this care-free demeanour.  Nice guys – who are charitable and selfless in their ways – are left wondering why they put more than twice as much in, only to get less than half back in return.

It often makes me chuckle inside when I hear office girls referring to certain men as jerks.  As well as being probably the only person who knows they will have some burning desire for him due to the simple reference of “jerk” coming out of their mouths, I also can see a man for who he truly is when it comes to poignant encounters with his girlfriend or wife.  You only have to observe the two of them at the annual Christmas party to establish this.  So from where I’m standing, you have a lot of men acting like schoolboy bullies in the workplace, yet they are passive, giving, agreeable and full of trepidation when in the company of their loved one.  Unless I’m missing something here, surely, with improvisation on both counts, it would be better to process in the opposing way?  Of course, most men are pussy cats walking out both sides of the front door.

As far as my writing, study and blog are concerned, I’m really not fussed about the whole workplace jerk analysis.  For me, I look at jerks in context with their emotional interactions, intimacies and relationships with women. 

But what is a jerk?  A woman’s definition of a jerk would be an excessive nice guy who has slightly messed up on the 365th day of the year in comparison to everything he did for her throughout the previous 364 days.  They don’t respect men of this kind, but the ego talks louder than the heart.  My definition of a jerk, and I would expect many of the male population would concur, is a man who cheats on her, talks despicably to her, and basically treats her like a piece of dog poo.  This works with some women, far more than people are led to believe, but it will have something to do with the better option in respect to the man who acts too privileged to be with her.  A challenging jerk is a more valuable prize than a lovely guy who she has in the palm of her hand.

My issue with women’s weak thoughts has always been with their apparent automated thoughts that the best looking guys (and I mean the top 1% to 2% of men) are jerks until they can prove otherwise.  To be fair, I can kind of see how they arrive to this perception.  At a younger age – 16 to 23 - when looks are what usually rule over anything else – males blessed with admirable physical attractiveness will have the most female followers.  Choices lead to selection, selection confirms pre-selection and popularity, and this only attracts further female infatuation.  One broken heart inflicted by one good looking boy can leave a scar on a girl for a lifetime.  Surely every good looking guy from here on in is a jerk, she says?

However, as touched on, the major playing card to become a worthwhile jerk is pre-selection.  This is important to point out, because there are many jerks who are low-life and unwanted characters.  Take a fat, ugly man from a council estate who has a grotesque girlfriend.  He will treat her like dog-shit, adulterate with other hefty women, and ignore her existence.  The fact he has other women on the go does illustrate contextual pre-selection, but his window will always be limited to female ugliness.  It would take a bizarre act of life for a cute woman to find him attractive due to his reputation for unattractive women finding him appealing.  But when you go up the ladders of the sexual market and analyze how cute and hot women work, you can see trends to how they view, and are attracted to, a certain kind of jerk.

During a warm spring bank holiday evening last year, I went for a few drinks in the city centre bars with a couple of mates.  As the clocks approached midnight, I couldn’t help but notice a particular man who was captivating the attention of women.  It wasn’t in the form of how someone like me captures it – abundant women glancing in my direction but then usually walking as quickly and far away as possible (btw, I smell great!).  No, in this case they were approaching him, flirting with him, having pictures taken with him, touching his body and even standing in the way of awaiting female competitors or peers.  The women ranged from mainly cute to one girl who bordered on hot, but I wouldn’t have turned my face up at any of them.  I recollect that in the space of 10 minutes, near on a dozen women had stood within a yard of him in hope that he had noticed their presence.  Out of all the women, there were 2 or 3 who looked like typical city centre attention seeking types, but the rest just looked the relatively shy and self-conscious kind.  

This guy did have certain features that stood out, I guess.  He sported numerous tattoos on both arms, he possessed a bulked up body that would suggest induced enhancement of some kind, and he stood at a solid 6ft 2 inches frame.  His dress style was effortless in style if not eye catching, and his teeth left much to be desired.  In fact, his face was little more than average if the truth be told. 

I later found out that he was a hairdresser in one of the city centre trendy stylist salons.  I don’t know exactly what they earn these days, but I would take a safe bet that on a good day of trading in equities I could earn considerably more in a day than he does in a month.  Not that I care about this, but it puts some further meat on the bones to the fact that perceived popular or well-known men do not need money to attract the opposite sex.  

You’re probably wondering what I’m getting at here.  Well, my point to all this is to analyze the common dominator between the referenced man and all the women who pursued him.  Answer: they were all facially better looking than him at that time they looked their best.  The social status, popularity, pre-selection, tattoos, buff body, height and average face all manifest to produce a woman’s dream scenario.  She gains the lot.  She can climb onto his importance profile, she can feel protected by his good presence, she can win the competitive game in showing the other women that he has chosen her, but most of all, he doesn’t steal the show from her in visual impressiveness terms.

In fairness, I have no actual evidence that he is a perennial jerk, as I don’t know the guy.  My hunch tells me he could use his profile to full advantage, as he seemed to be conducting the women in a method that suggested he had seen it all before.  Success breeds success in the projected eyes of most women.  When they know about another woman who has been there, they are far more often further attracted than repelled.  This is all the more pronounced with “towny” girls. 

With men, it is the opposite.  A man only wants the woman he is with to be an animal for him.  With equal female physical attractiveness scale, nearly all men will pick a woman with a low sexual history over one who has been passed around.  This is, at least, for girlfriend material consideration.

I know some of the women who were hanging around him, and they are all in their mid 20s.  Some of the other women I didn’t know looked a few years older.  To astute readers, you would be justified to challenge me on my claim that women, even attention-seeking women, move towards “nicer” guys with higher occupational status and providing capabilities once they pass the age of 23.   They do, but this is a decision and not a choice.  These are the women who can leave a nice guy most susceptible to infidelity and divorce papers on his lap a year after the wedding.  A handful of women I reference were wearing engagement or wedding rings.  I have a fair idea to how their respective boyfriends or husbands look in relation to the more edgy jerk in this story.  A ring doesn’t just work magic and cancel out any innate feelings women have for popular jerks.  Women of this nature want the cake.  They want to be able to eat it too.

But it shouldn’t be misconstrued that only “towny” exploitation girls crave jerks.  This is far from true.  The saving grace is that a more introverted woman is less likely to carry out the move away from her current nice guy and towards a jerk.  She is infamous for crying on the lap of the dependable but mundane boyfriend the following day, with him guessing what is wrong concurrent to her resenting him for not giving her impulsive butterflies or a challenge in life.

A woman’s ego draws her towards nice guys, but her innate character requires an apathetic jerk.  Women will broadcast how they search their life for a guy to worship them and put their welfare first, but this is only the fairytale mind (ego) telling them this is actuality.  The actuality is, once there, that they resent men of this nature for taking away the functionality produced by the traits she was born with which is to work for, strive for, and capture a man’s heart.  When it is all laid on a plate for her, with next to no effort required on her part, it is only a matter of time before all the gratitude transforms into resentment.

But for women who genuinely do not hold desires to be with jerks or men who are likely to cheat on them, it might be worth considering that male good looks are not the given passport to being a bad boy as much as your tunnel vision assumption enforces you to believe.  Social status offers a man a far greater leverage to jerkiness and an army of female followers.  As no more than 2% of men can be classed as good looking, and less than 1% of men are blessed with extreme physical attractiveness – good looking, good body and above average male height – the sheer statistics alone make it a fair chance that an eye catching man will not have high social profile. 

Of course, women who use the excuse of all good looking men being jerks will probably know this circumstance already.  Could it possibly be that they use this reason - to justify not being with a man as physically blessed - in order to protect the irritable feeling that develops within that ego of theirs?  If so, you’re even one step ahead of me…

For the record, when I saw the referenced group of women in the next bar, absent of the jerk as mentioned, I saw a couple of them look in my direction with those “bed eyes”.  I hadn’t noticed them eyeing me up in the previous bar when jerk man was around.  I think this tells its own story.  Women are sexually attracted to the most physically attractive men when identification of other male appeal metrics is not given to them, and this process does not change in a lifetime.  However, when high social status is the known, and they can climb onto a level of his “importance” profile, the possession of blessed good looks for other competing men almost becomes a non-entity to acquire positive female projected attraction.

Wednesday 21 May 2014

Men are clingier than women: understanding why men are inclined to settle down

“Albert Cameron once wrote: blessed are the hearts that can bend, they shall never be broken:  But I wonder, if there’s no breaking then there’s no healing, if there’s no healing then there’s no learning.  And if there’s no learning then there’s no struggle.  But the struggle is a part of life.  So must all hearts be broken?” (One Tree Hill 2008)

There is this unproven view that a woman finds a man, she consequently succeeds in making him change his male ways, she prevents him from seeing his male friends as much (or at all), and she basically changes him to the point where he is a shell of his former characteristic self.  This scenario is still common – a woman finds a good catch, she is at the stage where she desires to settle down, she believes rightly or wrongly that his friends will force him back down the single road or path, and she chains him to the four walls of the house where she has control.  If this is a familiar story, it is the man’s fault for allowing her to do this.  Little does he know that unless she is someone who can clearly do no better than him, she actually will not respect him in the long term for being such a puppet attached to her strings.

Whilst many men do fall into this spell, whether through a woman’s conscious or subconscious wish, it is a misconception that when a man does finally settle down with a woman, or he enters into a relationship with her, it is a burden to him due to it all being down to her necessities in life.  A man will often play the usual role of claiming he will be in the dog house if he goes out with his male group, or that he hasn’t got the money to do so because of his new commitments, but the truth is he is staying in with his girlfriend or wife through choice.  He is staying in because this is exactly what he wants to do, and it isn’t through any weak reasons or excuses.  It’s quite a luxury, as a matter of fact, as men out there are quite understanding in rationalizing this is just what happens in the cycle of a man’s life.  Once over, he is welcomed back to the homeboys gathering with welcome arms.  A woman isn’t always greeted back so fondly by her girl friends, and the ones that are welcoming are usually smiling in happiness that she is no longer in a happy relationship.

It took a girlfriend of mine at the time to convince me that some men were as supplicated and possessive as women.  Like most of my girlfriends, she was a typical “girl’s girl”, so I guess she spotted these kind of habits in men more than the typical serial dating girl would do so.  When I look back now, I’ll be the first to admit I needed her time more than she came across in similar terms towards me, so the evidence was right in front of my own eyes.  Looking at it objectively, I have seen dozens of cases involving friends who have acted exactly the same way.  Despite guys trying to act the whole “take it or leave it” or “she needs me” attitude, the reality is most men are beta males.  They are romantics at heart in being with that one woman, and they can become jealous of her even finding another man attractive.  Equally, some men can be guilty in believing she is selfless towards his emotional requirements.  Even if he doesn’t truly believe it, he strolls on with this belief in vain hope it is true.

So is this the only reason - this reason being that most men are beta males?  One major observation I have made over recent years, in comparison to ten to fifteen years ago, is the trend towards men no longer going out in larger groups but instead in typical numbers of two, three or four as a maximum.  In contrast, women traditionally went out in smaller groups, but I definitely see larger groups in today’s social circles.  Unfortunately, from a heterosexual male perspective, this has no correlation to an overall high female to male ratio from my observations.  Simply put, there are a lot more groups of men than groups of women out, but it is just that the male groups are smaller in numbers.  So maybe men have fewer friends than women?  If you have fewer friends then you have less social options.  The less social options someone has, the more inclined they are to be motivated to settle down.  And when a man does find the woman he feels he can fondly settle down with, the more beta orientated he becomes in fear of being alone or lonely again.

How do men reach the stage when they are highly charged to settle down?  In order to explore this, it is important to understand the differing emotions men encounter when they first start to go out on nights out with their friends.  Depending on puberty commencement, this could be as early as 16 or as late as 21, but somewhere in the middle is most likely.  There are three types:


These are confident guys, usually good looking (or believing they are good looking), and they receive a high amount of attention from naïve young women in the early days of their night scene lives.  Whilst never as many as he claims, it doesn’t appear there are a shortage of girls who find this kind of man attractive and who are willing to give him a short term sexual experience with little effort on his part in return.  Because of his immediate enjoyment of these experiences, even dry spells with women do not concern him, and he continues with the barrage of nights out and different women.  He’ll have the occasional time off when he does find the one girl who captures him a little more than the rest, but his boredom, or her knowledge of his concurrent sexual adventures, will bring about the end to the relationship.

Scale of desire to settle down:  Low

Generally these guys make no apology in being happy living this life, and they do not allow any one woman to stand out in their mind.  They are social people, and numerous networks are at their disposal.  Like anything, time passes, people get older, and friendships become distant.  Only then will this man see a life with one woman, and only one woman.

Female projected attraction onto him: High 

Most women - the especially younger, innocent and naïve.  As women get older, his attraction towards them is still there, but their desire to be with him dissipates, such is her increased level of insecurity and priority for a responsible male mate.

Never to be a bad boy

This guy is your traditional beta male, often average looking to below average looking by his own admission.  He isn’t blessed with confidence, and he is a natural follower within his group.  He almost knew he wouldn’t enjoy a male night out before he even tried it, but when it came about he detested it even more than the imagination.  This man is the type who would have watched numerous romantic films in his boyhood, and now his mind is brainwashed into finding this one woman who will repay his love to her with a magnitude of equality.  Even if you gave him a choice between the number of beautiful women knocking down his door or just that one special diamond, he would pick the latter every time.  If he never went out with his mates again, it would be too soon in his cynical view.

Scale of desire to settle down: Very high

Basically this is all he craves for, and it is pivotal to his overall happiness and satisfaction in life.  Friends aren’t even that important to him, and he holds needs to spend all his time with this one woman.  This is dangerous, as little is he aware this mentality can be counter-productive in maintaining attraction with most women.

Female projected attraction onto him: Limited. 

She is likely to be equal or less physically attractive than him, as often she will also have a lack of options.  This factor is complimented and combined with his shortage of confidence.  As women grow through the years, he could prove to be a better catch as she now thinks she needs a steady, loyal and faithful boyfriend.  Whilst not viscerally blown away by him, if he has a relatively professional career, some beautiful women will look fondly at him for a time, especially if she is going through an idolizing phase requirement in her life.

The In between emotive

Most men will fall into this category.  Despite the odd fantasy a man has in being the conductor of a playboy bunny orchestra, his fundamental belief and desire is to be with that one woman who makes him happy and who he longs to see at the end of every day.  Unfortunately, this kind of woman not only has to arouse him physically, but in order to be girlfriend material she has to be mentally stimulating.  Like a woman’s theory of there being no decent men out there, men will echo these same words about the shortage of women who tick both boxes.  So his primary aim is to go out with his mates, have a good time, but he also lives in hope a woman of this nature exists.  Very few successful relationships are formed from two unknown people finding each other in a bar or a club, so the vast majority of his nights out are taken up by half-hearted drunken make-out sessions - but mostly with takeaway food in one hand and thoughts of another wasted night.  Needless to say, as every Saturday night passes, the more frustrating this process becomes.

Scale of desire to settle down: Average. 

When he commences his nightlife adventure, his motive to find one unique girl will be low.  He will be too busy having fun and seeing inundated pretty faces.  However, this emotion doesn’t last anywhere near as long as it does with the players, but likewise, even when boredom sets in he isn’t desperate to settle down just yet.  His friends are important to him, such is his heavy dry spells, but he is aware that like him, every other guy in the group will leave once they have bitten the fruit of female beauty.  He may have the infrequent spell as a sexual predator, but in time he is more likely to replicate the role of the other extreme.

Female projected attraction onto him: Medium 

Even if this man is handsome, and some are, his character does not possess the high level confidence of the player.  With this in mind, women will detect his boyish looks, but will they will scratch their heads in disappointment over his lack of presence.  Good looking guys of this nature fail head on with this - they believe women will solely be drawn in by their looks and the rest will just happen for him.  This will be a constant mistake they make until finally facing the truth.  Furthermore, and the older a woman is, unless he has charisma, personality and interaction strategy, she will often reject him due to her insecurity of being with an attractive man.  Simply put, if he comes across as arrogant and aloof in order to disguise his lack of confidence, she will not warm towards him.  However, worse than this is when he tries too hard because of his worry that he will be the last of the group to find a girlfriend.  Women can sniff this desperation in a matter of seconds, and they will run a mile to the confident jerk out there.  Even the best looking of men can lose sudden appeal when a woman has a perception of male celibacy.

I always recall my brother and I being in Mexico, talking to a man in his mid 30s.  He was there with his wife and two kids, and whilst acting responsibly, it was clear to me that he had experienced his fair share of male nights out and holidays during his younger years.  I had just turned 24, whilst my brother was to turn 30 in two months time.  After discussing the trials and tribulations of settling down, he spoke the words of “well you’re alright for now at your age (pointing to me), but you (pointing to my brother) need to hurry up as all your mates will be settled and you’ll be left with nothing to do and nobody to see.  That’s why I’m with my wife and children.”

There wasn’t a mention of the fundamentals being because he loved her and that she gives him an unbelievable feeling to start each day.  I’m sure that he did love her, and she could give him good feelings.  I just thought it was a strange apparent primary reason to choose this direction of life.  Remember, a person can be alone but not lonely.  Another person can be lonely but not alone.

Sunday 18 May 2014

Women’s forgiving failed marriages and unforgiving motherhoods

“Mistakes will always be made, and corrective measures are available. 
But sometimes the doctor will not prescribe, or the medicine is no longer on the shelf.”

A woman at work in her mid 30s has recently commenced a year maternity leave in view of her impending second child.  Her husband is the typical hard-working and providing nice guy.  When you see pictures of them when they met 10 years ago, he was punching above his weight by a good 30% in physical attractiveness terms.  She told me about the jerk she dated before her current husband - who was on drugs and stood her up on one particular New Years Eve.  After the jerk broke her heart, she made the current husband take her on inundated non-sexual dates, as she told him the time wasn’t right.  She realized he was “right” when on another date with a man who attracted a woman sitting by the next table.  This woman gave my work colleague’s date her number.  From that day on, she realized a reliable, low-maintenance man was what she needed for the future.  Don’t you just pity poor fools who are happy to be second best?

In irony of how life plays, 10 years on has brought about a pronounced shifting of the guard.  The physical rating imbalance, whilst still in her favour, is by no means what it was.  I’d say the once 30% leverage on her part is no more than 10% today.  The husband in this dynamic is earning well, and although he’s never going to be a head turner, he does style well in clothing respects.  If 10 years ago would have left him thinking he won the lottery in securing what he then had in her, I bet not many days go by when he wonders what could be today.  And in the way she looks at me, I can tell there is still a nagging feeling in her reminisced mind in respect to the guys she was involved with in her wilder days.  But love conquers all, right?

During her last couple of days prior to departing, she made an interesting point in response to a comment I made about birthing children being the most important days of someone’s life alongside the wedding day.  She said that having a child with someone is a far more important choice, as a person can leave a marriage with no particular required tie, yet kids will be with you forever.  It made me think a little further, and she makes an excellent point.  But when I replayed the words in my head once more, it became a little clearer to the meaning behind it all.  Ultimately, and in general terms, a marriage is a greater risk to a man than a woman.  Having children, in general terms, is a move that implicates more on women, than men, if things go horribly wrong.

I always remember when I was a kid at the time my parents separated.  It appeared such a big deal 20 years ago, as nobody else in my friendship network had gone through this ordeal.  It was as if a stigma was attached to divorce, and the failure reflected on the whole family.  Surely only divorces happened in the movies?  Once my brother lived with my Mum, and I stayed in the family house with my Dad, the dust did slowly settle.  In retrospect, Mum had moved on well before she left per se, but in truth, Dad (god bless his soul) never recovered from losing the woman he loved.  They were both to blame as much as each other, but if there is one thing I will never forget it was how my mother and older brother brainwashed me into thinking it was all my late father’s fault.  I forgive them both for their misdemeanours, but erasing it from my mind is a far more difficult task.

Nevertheless, what cannot be denied is that the perception of divorce has most certainly changed.  It is almost a given in this day and age, and to say it is a flip of the coin for a marriage to work out is being generous to optimists.  The odds are on it not working out.  So many people dive in due to the concerns that time is running out, but would an extra year getting to know each other better really have been such a sacrifice?  Then again, would it have made any difference to the overall outcome?

When all is said and done, and people from both sides can argue with weak reason, a wedding day is usually a female inclination and a male acting like a lapdog with a cheque book.  Sure, this is a broad statement, but with the exception of daughters belonging to extremely wealthy parents, I’d stake a large amount of money on the assumption that the majority of weddings in the western world are primarily funded by the man.  Let’s face it, most men believe the best way to lock down a woman, especially when he is with a better looking woman, is to give her what she wants.  What she wants the most is a wedding day to show off to the world.

Many couples get carried away with the wedding, and in turn they take a certain level of oversight to the fact they should, in theory and in vows, be spending the rest of their life as husband and wife.  Then we go back to the consequences of a failed marriage, and the repercussions for women are more forgiving than for men.  Women may bemoan that they cannot afford to leave a man because she would have to downgrade their lifestyle and living arrangements, but this is a poor argument.  A woman will very rarely come out of a divorce worse off in financial terms than before she met the man she now can’t stand the sight of.  A man, on the other hand, will at best come out no worse off, but more likely he will have to give some of his share in protection of her not pursuing legal (but not moral) rights to his pension fund or savings pot. 

In the interim period between jettison contemplation and divorce paper signatures, there is nothing to stop a woman going out with the ladies to find a more suitable man.  If a hunted man finds a married woman physically attractive, he isn’t going to let the wedding ring stand in the way of a sexual adventure.  She will know early on that her marriage will not last long term, and deep down she will have probably known this as she walked down the aisle.  But the big day, and exploitation it brings, is a bigger prize than the risk of the marriage not working out.  And whilst it has been referenced on this blog before, remember that the majority of divorces are initiated by women.    

So if women are the big winners out of marriage, why are they the big losers out of failed relationships with children involved?  As mentioned above, a married woman with quality will still be desirable to other men.  Personally speaking, I would always choose an unmarried woman over one sporting a ring if all else is equal, and I’d be confident in predicting this applies to nearly all other men too.  However, I would pick a married woman who made my balls hard over a single woman I was indifferent about.  But then throw kids into the equation and I would expect most men, like myself, start to think a little differently about the whole proposition.

There’s no way of hiding from reality, as once a woman has a child she is no longer as desirable to as large a pool of men in comparison to prior pregnancy.  Even if she is as hot as hell, she still will not have as many members of the opposite sex considering her as long term girlfriend potential.  Not only does a man have to deal with the natural father being in his face every weekend, but the likelihood is less sex, less money, less time and less appreciation as a ramification of venturing in with a single mother.  Unless I’m missing something in my life, I don’t see many high quality men - with options in women - settling down with current mums.  The men I do see taking this route are usually low in confidence and choices, along with high belief that they can do no better.

But why doesn’t fatherhood negatively implicate on a man’s future dating success in the same way it restricts a woman?  Folks, it’s all been said before on this blog.  Basically, women are attracted to pre-selected men, and a man with a kid proves to other women that he must be worth taking.  They also thrive on fighting for a man’s attention – something that is not easily given to her due to his parentage commitments.  At worst, a man’s array of female followers decreases in small amounts.  More likely is the avenue to a wider range of admiration.

Fundamentally, women crave for the big wedding day, and they are less at risk to the consequences of a marriage break-up.  They are the winners if a marriage fails and children are absent from the relationship.  Once married and with kids, women will still gain financially in comparison to before meeting the respective man, but this will be relative to the ex-husbands wealth.  If he is high earning, the better off she is.  If he is holds down dead end jobs, she will be no better off, almost to the point where it could be harder to survive than when with him (although the UK benefits system makes sure this rarely is the circumstance).

In terms of future relationships, women need to tread more carefully once children are within the bond.  Some young women think that having a kid with a sought after jerk will ensure he has to settle down with her, but this seldom has a happy ending.  Being a father isn’t going to make him stick around in its entirety, and it never seizes to amaze me how less admiring these girls are of the once appealing bad boy when nappies and sleepless nights are the new life.  Simply put, the need for challenge, drama and social proof to external parties – that were the primary motivators in tracking down the jerk - is negated when a baby is puking on her or waking the house up in the early hours of the morning.

Although you do find women, by and large, are more forthcoming in becoming a parent than their male partners, there is no doubting that you will come across occasional couples where the man is pushing forward and the woman is holding back.  Sometimes this is because the woman is of genuine career orientation, but just as probable is the fact she isn’t sure the man she is with is “the one”.  This can even be after the two have become man and wife. 

If I was that man, and my wife was giving me excuses from cloud cuckoo land, I’d be wondering what her motivations were in being with me.  But then again, I’m a clued up guy when it derives to women’s emotional opportunism and cunning plans.  I’d know that a woman can make a contingent decision to marry a man who has never once given her butterfly feelings, yet she will reserve having kids with him because of this identical reason.  She will know a status of “Mrs” doesn’t necessarily hold her back in life, but the crying of “Mummy” will do so.  Lucky for you ladies, for the sake of your ego but not your ultimate happiness, very few suckers men quite see it through the same peripheral vision…