Wednesday, 11 May 2022

Finding positives from negatives

 

“The only thing we all have in common is the fact we’re getting older.”

  

I felt a bit sorry for my little step-nephew a couple of weeks ago when I heard he got upset that his younger brother didn’t want him hanging around with his (the older brother’s) new girlfriend and her friend.  There is only a couple of years between the two boys – aged eight and ten. 

Even at a tender age of eight, the mind can become jealous and lonely just like any adult.  The brain mechanism is the same, and the only real difference is an adult’s life experience and brain (and body) muscle memory which should allow them to gain perspective of any low time of life they go through.  Unfortunately, too many adults age at a mental maturity rate that does not keep up with their aligned chronological years. 

An equivalent low point from my past

I remember going through a similar phase at around thirteen.  I wasn’t an ugly kid by any stretch, quite cute in fact, but I went through puberty contextually late, and I was naturally skinny.  With these factors assigned, I wasn’t exactly a boy with much female interest projected onto me.  And as any man can relate to, as could even boys of today, the girls that liked you back then are never the girls you liked back.

It seemed like I lived year or so when nearly every boy in my network - a close friend or otherwise - seemed to be coupling off with a girl for every day that passed by.  Naturally, some of these couples were doing nothing more than hanging together in a group (some of them maybe never even kissed), but it was still a girlfriend/boyfriend status all the same.

Perhaps more importantly to whether it ranged from never holding hands to early sexual experiences, with everything in between, was that irrespective these boys who picked up a girl were never available to socialise.  What was once after school football every day turned into hanging around shops.  Regular video game nights were soon played on my own.  Phone calls to their house were answered by parents saying he was out.  I felt so alone, and the days seemed awfully long.

My older brother was great, and he, even if reluctantly or forced by my parents, involved me with his peer sport games.  Nevertheless, it didn’t take long for me to subconsciously realize they begrudgingly had to take it easy on me or just thought I was a nuisance.  One of them even told me to “fuck off”, which made me feel even lower about myself!

How did it all turn out or get better? 

Honestly, I cannot recall the exact how’s and when’s regarding a brighter day.  I guess it just happened naturally, and over incremental time.  Perhaps by fourteen or fifteen I matured to a level where more of the popular girls didn’t just think I was invisible.  Maybe (or most likely probably), in retrospect, some of the boys were dumped by their girlfriends.  On fewer occasions, the boys even jettisoned from the girls.

Ultimately, the cold and dark days became warmer and lighter in metaphoric terms, and as explained above, the brain muscle memory allows us to wake up a little more positive than the day before.  A bit like the stock market, nothing goes in a straight line up or down, and there will be bumps along the way with your emotions and mindset.  But again, like stocks, most of the time, with patience, the general trajectory is up and to the right.

Positives from negatives mentality brought into adult life

I’m a firm believer that your childhood plays a huge part in how you manifest as an adult, and how you cope with the tribulations life throws at you.  Yes, I know of isolated people who transformed almost unrecognizably in character from a kid to a man (or woman), but by and large you never fully lose the genetics with which you were born.

Q-tip 1:

In my opinion, seventy percent of your adult character is a by-product of the genetics you inherited – from the personality traits your parents were born with.  Twenty percent is how smart you are, and how in association you can implement this savviness to produce a more positive disposition that is over and above the natural character you were designated.  This leaves, at most, ten percent which can be blagged, masked, and contrived - to fool the majority of innocent people who cannot see through you.

Therefore, if a minimum of seventy percent of what people see in you is formed from your natural character, you need to accept who you are and make the best product out of the tools you were given.  Only a small segment of these tools can be sharpened to build a better final product.

Examples of positives from negatives

This list is not even close to being exhaustive, but from a brainstorming and personal exercise perspective, I offer you these:

Negative 1

I’m not as physically attractive as I would like to be.

Positive Response

When I look around, in practice most of the hottest women don’t go for the hottest men.  Maybe it’s best to not be too aesthetically pleasing as a man!!?

Negative 2

I don’t have as much money as I would like to have.

Positive Response

Most of the time, the more money a man has is a direct consequence of working long, stressful and tiresome hours, in a job he hates.  By not doing this, even if it has meant having less money, the end result is a higher health level and greater physical attractiveness.

Negative 3

I can’t find a suitable woman for wife material.

Positive Response

As enriching as it is to be in love with a woman in the early phases of a relationship, women undeniably cause you stress, they are emotionally inconsistent and volatile, and they cost you a lot more money than when you were single.  You also do not have to answer to anyone when single.

Negative 4

I’ve never had children like my friends.

Positive Response

Children will:

1)    Give you less time for yourself.

2)    Give you less money for yourself.

3)    Offer less opportunity to do or have things in life you could have otherwise.

4)    Give you less opportunity to accomplish personal goals in your life.

5)    Physically age you at a faster rate than not having children.

6)    Increase your stress levels.

Negative 5

I don’t have as many friends as my younger days.

Positive Response

Looking back, most of these “friends” (or at least social acquaintances) only genuinely cared about themselves.  A lot of what we did was a waste of time, a waste of money, and quite frankly nothing to greatly remember with fondness or exhilaration.  I was just a young man doing what I thought was necessary to be social, often out of peer pressure.  At least with fewer social options, I am wasting less time, and spending more time on the things I desire to fulfil.

A final thought

Simply five examples that sprung to mind.  I would expect that many men, especially men in their thirties, forties and fifties, can relate to where I’m shooting from.

Everybody is different, and many people will attain a differing view to me.  It would be boring if we were all the same.  In essence, I’m an avid believer that it doesn’t matter what path of life you believe in, providing you are honest with yourself in assessing each path.  Those that ignore the alternative are usually those who trample through life in blissful, and somewhat arrogant, ignorance.

Q-tip 2:

Nobody truly knows what path in life would have been best for them, as to know this you would require two bodies of yourself living both lives.  Those who say their chosen path was the best are most likely the people who question their decisions the most.

Wednesday, 27 April 2022

Women with high self-opinions

 

“He who holds the money holds the rules.”

  

In truth, such is the escalation of social media sycophancy and supplication received via both suck-up men and female peers, that it should be no surprise to any man with two eyes and decent judgement that the average female self-opinion has increased in line on a year-on-year basis.  It’s a sorry state of affairs if you ask me – oversized female self-opinion over and above any mere sign of humility genuine humility – but it is a compounding implication of life which isn’t leaving us any time soon.

Not that I’m going to be a total hypocrite here.  I have gone down on record within this blog, and I have said in words to many people, that somebody’s self-opinion of themself needs to be marginally higher than their objective (hence what they have to offer in real terms) value.  If it goes below the objectivity mark, then you run the risk of not fulfilling your potential.  However, if it goes too high above the reality of your offerings, a person will likely live day to day in waiting for something that will most likely never happen.

The pros and cons of women with high self-opinions?

There can be two main schools of thought in assessing this:

·       From a negative standpoint (and this will apply to most men), a woman with a high self-opinion will hold very high expectations of what a man should offer and provide for her.  In this case, it is accustomed that these women never think the average man is good enough for her, and she ends up settling for a man who cannot offer what she believes she deserves, or she goes for a man she loves for what he is (therefore his money, status and assets) rather than a man she loves for who he is (hence his physical attraction, personality and charisma).

·       From a positive standpoint (which applies to a small minority of men), a woman with a high self-opinion doesn’t just go for any man in order to satisfy her validation and attention needs.  Whilst these women do have high expectations which are much more leveraged than the average female benchmark, the plus point is that a high percentage of high self-opinionated women will not have received more pricks in her than a dartboard.  Whilst >99% of women will always want to be with a man who is less physically attractive than her, you will conceivably find that a small number of these women (around 20%) may, at least at a younger age, not be as resistant towards men of equal physical attractiveness in gender relative terms.

A recent anecdote

Around last October, an attractive long haired redhead walked in the gym who I had never seen before.  I doubt she was any older than 22.  She was, for me, the perfect height of around 5ft 5”.  A very nice figure, pale skin, and a couple of upper thigh tattoos which I’m quite partial to.  Her face was cute if not stand out.  Anything above an 8/10 in overall physical attractiveness would be too generous in my humble opinion, however a 7.75/10 may be seen as too harsh.  In other words, she was 8/10!

What was noticeable, perhaps after I had seen her for a few times, was that she walked with an air of authority which is rare for women I see these days.  Most women walk with poor body language – head down, shoulders slightly slouched, insecure feel, self-conscious, on the phone to avoid any human eye contact etc.  Whilst this redhead still did the familiar female head down looking at phone concurrent to walking thing, her stride was forceful and one that radiated a degree of confidence in the environment that existed.  Most probably fake confidence, but still a portray which could convince most naive and experience lacking men.

I’d seen her glancing in my direction on nearly every occasion she had been in the gym over those first couple of weeks, and one morning she was training on the next machine to me.  I struck up conversation, but it was transparent early on that her awkward demeanour translated to the high end, simultaneous to her confidence moving a step backwards.  It was clear she didn’t want to talk for long, and she concluded that she needed to crack on with her workout.  I walked off, although she did manage a smile at me as I did.

Over the next six months, the image of high self-opinion traits carried on as explained above.  I continued to see her looking over at me on numerous occasions, although on the rare times we passed each other I can only recall once when she looked me in the eye and smiled.  There was one day when I had no choice (due to a lack of room) but to perform my lunges so close to her stretching exercises.  I remember wearing a nice cologne that day, and it was amusing that another woman I had history with was looking on from five yards away. This was comical on two fronts, as not only could I sense the redhead enjoying the proximity between us, but the other woman is the kind of female who, after time getting to know her, is clearly someone who gets a kick out of fantasizing over a man she likes sexually pleasuring (most likely in a rough and aggressive manner) another hot woman.

There were also two occurrences when I was waiting for a lift on Monday mornings whilst dressed in my work clothes.  On both instances, the redhead walked out when I was there with further attraction in her eyes.  When she drove off, I couldn’t help but see the flick of the hair attraction clue in the mirror as she went by.

As harsh as this sounds, she drives a terrible clapped-out car.  It must be the worst car on the car park.  It is obvious she is a university student due to the times I have seen her leaving the gym, which also explains the beaten-up vehicle ownership in conjunction with a verbal articulation level that is above the average woman in there.  Poor in monetary terms, but reasonably clever you could say!  I’ve been a student myself…

With all this considered, I decided that I would soon have another chat to her when the situation best arose.  That situation came about just last week during a Saturday morning.  In my mind I knew this was likely more of a short-term sexual satisfaction objective (perhaps on her part too).

Well, whilst nothing is a surprise to me when it comes to women’s emotions, receptiveness, attitudes and psychology, it’s fair to say that this time she was even less engaging than the time before.  It wasn’t even worth striking up a second topic with her after a few seconds.  Once again, if ever any further proof was needed, that a woman being sexually attracted to a man is rarely enough to make her pursue with him on an intimacy basis.

Q-tip:

Never let a knock-back put you down.  A knock-back is often a by-product of your worth that situated you there in the first place.

A final thought

As nothing more than my will at looking at reality over what may seem like sour grapes, I think the hasty snub on her part may have been significantly assisted by the following factors:

1)    Even most women aged <24 still prefer a man who is less physically attractive than themselves.  Even at my relatively mature age, I’m pretty sure the vast majority of people would still say I’m 8/10 to 8.25/10. 

2)    As an interchangeable reason to 1), the last couple of weeks (prior to approaching her) in the UK had seen a lot of sunshine.  On the day I approached her, I was probably as tanned as I would be from a summer's week in southern Spain.  She is quite pale if the truth be told (although in the past it appeared she wasn’t a stranger to sunbeds).  This factor most likely added a little bit more inferiority in her mind.

3)    She drives an old-hat car, whilst I drive one of the better cars on the car park.  Although a woman undeniably prefers a man of higher status in wealth and asset terms, it is plausible to believe this gap is once more too wide for her comfort levels.

4)    Going back to a couple of weeks ago when we were working out very close to each other, I sensed it was her most fertile week back then.  In retrospect, it would have been far more productive to talk to her then in comparison to a couple of weeks later when she was back to menstruation phase.  My bad, I guess…

A final, final thought

In conclusion, women attaining high self-opinions are generally not great girlfriend material.  If they are not great girlfriend material, you can bet your bottom dollar that they are not good marriage material. 

Occasionally, especially for the most sought-after men, women with high self-opinions can be beneficial from the perspective of their low notch count, loyalty, and the unspoken knowledge that they chose you because of your male quality metrics. 

Finally, even the very high self-opinion of a woman will not be a weaponry strong enough to ease her insecurity and inferiority when faced with a man who acquires a longer sword than her, so to speak.

Tuesday, 12 April 2022

Women have little emotional balance

  

                                                You don’t have to run faster than the bear.                                                                            You just have to run faster than the guy next to you.”                                         (Jim Butcher)

  

Whilst you will still come across a small minority of women in the Western world who radiate a positive and optimistic demeanour in your social observations, the sad reality is that the large majority discharge a vision of negative presence.  You would like to think that in the last few weeks where it has been extremely hard to ignore the saddening and sickening images seen in Eastern Europe, people will have used these scenes as a way to appreciate what they have in life and to see their own problems in true perspective.  Unfortunately, perspective is an alien word to most.

With the exception of women on nights out when they place a mask over their emotions (although some women still look miserable in these places too), the common sight I see – whether it be in the gym, in the workplace, walking the street, in the supermarket etc – is a female with an expression of misery, seriousness, and a look of attaining the world’s problems on her shoulders.  Even as one of the least compassionate people out there, I still sometimes have a level of sympathy when I see this.  When all said and done, I sincerely only hold desires for good people to be happy.

Why the long face, sweetheart?

In truth, this “misery” should be seen for what it is in real terms.  Yes, sometimes it can be a woman who is just naturally miserable, but far more common is that it is not misery per se.  The reason you will see women, in particular younger women (aged 18 to 30), looking so downbeat is a by-product of the self-consciousness within themselves.  Self-consciousness, and her twin (but not identical twin) sister by the name of insecurity, bring about an uncontrollable, subconscious and defaulted disposition to constantly possess a long face.

Although I can recall many miserable looking women as far as my memory allows, there is no doubting in my mind that the general female occurrence of looking miserable (to reiterate – because of her self-consciousness) has compounded year on year for the last couple of decades.  But why has this been the case, you may be wondering?

Granted, no scientific reasoning can be given as far as I can locate (scientific studies based on female/human emotion are generally a waste of time anyway, such is the reliance on a person’s honesty for validity and credibility), however if you want my two pennies on the main causes, I offer the following:

·       Social Media (Facebook and Instagram mainly).  This has manifested an obsession to try and be popular, combined with a constant conveyor belt of seeing other physically attractive women – whether that be women in their social circles, or celebrity women they follow.  When someone is persistently reminded of numerous popular and attractive women out there, it can only result in said woman looking on in frustration and concern to her own level.

·       Female competition.  With more women than ever using aids to look more physically attractive than they naturally are – whether by the use of make-up, cosmetics, surgical enhancements, or photoshop improvements – once more women are always wondering who is over their shoulder in respect to another woman stealing the show. 

·       Celebrity lifestyle exposure.  Whether it be the woman in the celebrity spotlight via her own right, or the woman in the arms of a celebrity and wealthy man, any random woman not living this life (hence >99.9% of women) will look on in envy of what could be.  Rather than appreciate what we have, the human mind, and in particular the female mind, is channelled to think of what we do not have.

·       Frustration in their own life.  Most people are in jobs they gain very little satisfaction with or liking for.  This applies to men as much as women, but on the basis men have greater perspective than women, women will become more bitter about this predicament.  Likewise, most everyday people are not living the high life in their social time.  Once again though, men generally require less thrill and change up, in comparison to women who need drama, gossip and excitement to broadcast to others.  When women are, usually, on the wrong side of both circumstances, disappointment in life is a hard face to conceal.

·       A shortage of male quality.  As life becomes harder for ‘Average Joe’ to make ends meet, the gap between female expectancy in life and the feasible providing level of the average man has become wider and wider.  A woman who holds standards too high (standards higher than her physical attractiveness can offer men) in men will either stay single and lonely or, more likely, settle for a man who will never be the man she truly wanted to be with.  When this occurs, she ends up resenting both the man she is with, and life.

·       WhatsApp groups.  Not dissimilar to the first explanation with regards to social media, WhatsApp or similar facilities have also been a detriment to women’s happiness.  The Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO) and need to be popular will nearly always rule a woman’s mind over making logical and sensible decisions, but the simple truth is that women now can barely go a few minutes of life without looking at what is going on, and who is living a more exciting (although usually exaggerated in excitement) existence.  Imagine also how much bitching must go on in these female WhatsApp groups.  This can’t lead to too many smiles, that’s for sure.

So, in essence, all the above offers a clear reasoning to why a woman lives most of her life in worry, frustration, envy, and negativity.  This is in place of what it should be - happiness, optimism, positivity, and appreciation of what she has in life.

The flip side of misery

Nevertheless, what you will often find (for men who are brave enough to interact with women they do not know personally) is a woman who plays the total opposite role to what you saw when she had her head down when she walked past you, or when she was in continual viewing and typing of her phone when stood or sat near you.  A fair proportion of women will likely ignore a man if he did try to interact – either by walking quickly away in the street or pretending she can’t hear or see you in vain attempt to hide behind the headphones she is wearing – but some women will interchange in conversation, such is the greater urge of some male attention.

When she does (kindly!) stop still or take her headphones off for a minute or two, it will be no coincidence if she starts to talk a lot about herself.  In the immediate interaction, this is a good thing (as opposed to a woman just giving abbreviated answers) because it will ease the pressure on you to produce ceaseless topics to talk about.  The chances are she will ask you next to nothing about yourself, but don’t let this dissuade you early on.

In this period of responding to your questions, the strong likelihood is that her answers will derive in a form of presenting how exciting, popular, positive, busy, dramatic, and fast-paced her rollercoaster life is.  Most men (including my former self) can often be a little disheartened when this occurs, as they will believe she has very little time for him should they be a couple, but with experience you will soon start to realize that this exaggeration does not align with the reality. 

Q-tip 1:

An easy formula to use when assessing an exaggerating woman is this:

A woman’s verbal execution, divided by 2.5 = The actuality

This formula can be used in both the positive and negative language she uses, by and large.

And this over expressing of her lifestyle can be an education to abide by when dating or in a relationship with her too.  The big advantage you have when past the interaction base is that you can now see the misalignment with your own two eyes, as opposed to reading between the lines of what she is telling you.

How does a man deal with it all?

Ultimately, the only way to ever be relaxed with this female extreme behaviour is to be the cool, calm and collected cucumber around her.  When she is down, listen to her, but know that nine times out of ten she will not be as depressed as she makes out.  As the statistics back up, more women threaten to commit suicide, but more men go through with committing suicide.  I think this tells its own story…

On the other hand, whether it be in the immediate or post interaction, fathom that her overstated life preoccupations are not what she verbalizes.  Much of the time she is telling you how occupied, rapid and sought-after she is will, but in practice, it will be less than half the amount she claims.  Much of this time will be spent watching TV on her own.

A final thought

With all this said, if a woman is using made-up excuses to not see you due to the bullshit reasons as explained above, the facts of the matter are it is one of two things:

1)    She is testing you in the early stages to see first how clingy and needy you are, and second, how much you have going on in your life too.

2)    If she does this on more than two occasions (and two occasions is the allowance as an absolute maximum - if nothing but to cut her some slack if she is, in the unlikely event, telling the truth), make no more contact with her other than respond if she messages you.  The strong likelihood is she is not serious about taking things further.

Q-tip 2:

When a woman genuinely needs you, listen to her, and give constructive, honest and compassionate thoughts to her situation.  When she claims she is so busy and popular, treat it as water off a duck’s back, in addition to playing fire with fire in discretely showing you are equally up to your neck in it in this respect.  A woman is more attracted to a man when fighting for his time, and her heart is repelled when comprehensive to him striving for her time.

Thursday, 24 March 2022

Women with excessive tattoos

 

“Better no contact than contact with no substance.”

  

A few years ago, I approached a really attractive blonde in a bar.  Whilst she was very engaging, friendly, and apparently happy that I did interact with her, she did say she had a boyfriend when I unapologetically asked early in the conversation.

I sensed, with no proof (but which would become more apparent in the future), that she was a little disappointed about having a boyfriend and not pursuing with me.  A few weeks later I saw her with her boyfriend and his mates, and whilst by no means a bad looking guy at all, I saw her looking over at me shortly before making no excuse to come and talk.

About a year later, she had physically aged terribly.  I’d hedge a bet that when we met, she was about 27, but a mere year later she looked in her mid-thirties.  In the whole scheme of things (hence versus the female competition) she was still one of the more attractive women out there having stayed in prime physical shape, but the late nights, drugs, and craving to do the things to stay locally popular had taken its toll on her skin and eyes.

The stupid sleeve tattoo

Another year on, and I saw her in a club during a night out in another city.  She was all over the place, falling over on the dance floor as she made efforts to make the exit.  It was a pitiful downfall of a once beautiful – both on the inside and outside – woman.  How the mighty had fallen, was what came to mind.

A few weeks later, I saw her in the same venue.  She was with two men who, I believe just based on experience of these dynamics, were nothing more than blue balls followers.  It was almost embarrassing as I caught her just looking at me for seconds on end, from no more than a couple of yards away, as they both stood next to her.  I avoided any sustained eye contact with her.

Looking rough still in relativity to when I first met her two years earlier, it was hard to ignore the full arm sleeve tattoo she was exploiting.  As someone who prefers naturally beautiful and feminine women, the female compartment who go for fake tits, enhanced lips, inundated sunbed time, and overuse of makeup, is not to my liking.  It will come as no surprise then to know I’m not a fan at all of women sporting excessive tattoos.

These women do have their place though…

Nevertheless, I’m not going to be a complete hypocrite.  For shorter term benefits, generally, I have been involved with isolated women who resembled the perennial woman as explained above.  I’ve never slept with a woman with excessive tattoos, and most certainly not one with a sleeve imprint, but if the truth be told I’m quite partial to women with tattoos on their ankle, foot, upper thigh, or lower back.  One of the best girlfriends I have experienced – both in physical attractiveness and all-round girlfriend material terms – possessed a large thigh tattoo.  I expect, with a proficient level of experience and objectivity, that she is an exception rather than the rule.

Did I mention girlfriend material?  Albeit this article based on an Australian study was written over a decade ago, I think it sums up the tattoo scenario perfectly:

Results: A total of 14.5% of respondents had ever been tattooed, and 2.4% of respondents had been tattooed in the year before the interview. Men were more likely than women to report a tattoo, but the highest rates of tattooing were found among women in their 20s (29.4%). Men and women ages 20-39 were most likely to have been tattooed, as were men with lower levels of education, tradesmen, and women with live-out partners. Tattooing was also associated with risk-taking behaviours, including smoking, greater numbers of lifetime sexual partners, cannabis use (women only) and ever having depression (men only).

Conclusions: Tattooing has increased in popularity during the past decade. Yet tattoos still appear to be a marker for risk-taking behavior in adults.

The area I have highlighted pretty much sums up the kinds of men and women who have tattoos – the lower classes.  This isn’t absolute, but it paints the greater part of the portrait.

For elaborated summary, I bullet point the kinds of women most likely to sport an excessive array of tattoos, and tattoos that are seen on the most prominent ill-advised (arms, neck, chest, upper back) body parts:

·       Lower class women

·       Drama hunting women

·       Less intelligent women

·       Less educated women

·       Attention-seeking women

·       Women not interested in a career

·       Less feminine women

·       Women who hold a powerful desire for bad boys

·       Women who attain a need to be popular and part of a social proof group

·       Women who have truly little going on in their lives, outside of fabricated drama

Once more, I must stress this exemplifies the majority of women, but not all.  The woman at the centre of this post, in addition to the past girlfriend I reference, were the opposite of all the above with the exception of their attention-seeking occasions and desire for bad boys (which, if honest, is an innate composition of nearly all women).

A final thought

It cannot go without pointing out from the findings that the highest rates of tattooing were found among women in their 20s - which accounted for 29.4% of all women and men.  This again should not arrive as any astonishment at all from a female age context, as naturally women in this age range are at their pinnacle in respect to seeking and desiring public attention onto them.  It’s also the age (although I would argue this needs to be 20 to 25) where women can get away with making decisions that goes against most men’s desirables, because a woman’s youth and beauty at this age is a greater compensator to overcome this male distaste.

What is maybe a little more surprising to me, based on nothing more than anecdotal observation, is that a higher percentage of women in their 20s have tattoos than likewise men in their 20s.  Even in this day and age, where women have become more masculine and men have become more feminine over the last couple of decades, I wouldn’t have expected the female number to pass the male quantity.

Then again, when I think further, it perhaps does fathom more.  First, I would expect that the vast majority of this 29.4% of women only have one or two small tattoos, and similarly only in discrete areas of the body.  Second, bearing in mind that >80% of men are perennial beta male nice guys, the vast majority of these men will not own any ink on their skin. 

If the truth be told, in my opinion any average-looking man with a mediocre (or worse) body profile is better off having no tattoos.  The only argument against this would be that, such is his none appeal and low sought-after status with women worth having, a tattoo or two could bring some female eyes onto him.

A final, final thought

This all begs the question therefore – why do women have excessive tattoos, if an extraordinary proportion of men do not desire them? 

·       Women are so into their own lives that they do not stop to think what men want.  Or more to the point, these women do not care what men think.

·       Women are more interested in the short term (especially when younger) thrill of standing out from the female crowd, than the down the line consequence decisions like this can have on the numbers of men who will commit to them.

·       As alluded to above, so many men are low in demand beta males that there will always be a man somewhere out there who will take oversight to a woman choosing to advise a tattoo parlour to ink all over her.

·       A lot of women attain false psychological female projection.  In other words, they hold a misconception (or sometimes ignorance of reality) in their minds that what they find attractive in a man is what men find attractive in women.  Tattoos are classic examples.  Women are sexually turned on by men with tattoos, but men either prefer women with no tattoos or tattoos that can only to be seen by him when she is naked.

Q-tip:

Nearly all women are more sexually turned on by a man with a tattoo in comparison to a man without a tattoo.  Most of these women would also happily be in a relationship with the same man, although the amount of ink on his body will prove to be a factor dependant on the social class of the woman.  On the other hand, a substantial proportion of men are sexually turned off by a woman with too many tattoos, and slightly more turned on or simply neutral about women with only discrete tattoos.  There are very few men who are less turned on by a woman without any tattoos, all else being equal.  Finally, and most importantly, men prefer to be in relationships with women who have not a tattoo to be seen on their skin.

 

Acknowledgements

PubMed.gov

Friday, 11 March 2022

The implications of male baldness and ambition

 

                                   "Show me the charts and I’ll tell you the news."                                        (Bernard Baruch)

  

A reader asks for my view based on an abstract from this previous post: 

Hey Vi Nay, I have a question on this part

"I have to say that if ever there is reinforcement required to illustrate how men deep in their thirties or older (providing these men look after themselves and keep looking young) can attract numerous women ranged as young as 18 to as old 45, then it shouldn’t be questioned any longer."

How does this apply to bald guys? Assuming they keep in shape as best as possible can a bald dude in his late 30s/early 40s still attract a woman in the 27-30 range? I know how much most women love hair and in some circles being bald is a looks destroyer.

Also off topic but wanted to ask as well, you mention the best thing a good looking guy can do to improve his chances with women is to improve all of his non-visual attributes, since women need to get something out of the deal to offset him being more attractive than she is.

Do you find good looking guys to be generally less ambitious than average looking / ugly guys?

My response:

It is well advised to, before dissecting further, lay out some ground rules in deriving to women’s preferences:

1)    All else equal, a woman prefers to be with a man who is less physically attractive than she is.

2)    Most women prefer to be with men who are older than they are.

3)    Women will place the above two preferences to one side if they can gain in other ways – mainly through a man’s status and wealth.

4)    Nearly all women, if honest, prefer a man with hair in contrast to a bald man. 

This may sound like a straight-out negative answer to your query, but as you will see in a few minutes, there is a lot more positive to come out of this than you right now are most likely thinking. 

In fact, instead of me giving an elaborate answer on this, I will simply reference you to this previous post on the subject.  Handy I found that!

In summary to this topic though, yes, a man in his late 30s/early 40s can absolutely attract women in the 27-30 bracket.  It is by no means a destroyer, as you put it.  At worst, it will reduce the pool of women the bald man can attract.  On smaller occasions, being bald may actually play in his favour.

Are good-looking guys less ambitious than average-looking/ugly guys?

This is an excellent question, and perhaps a no size fits all way to answer.  Whenever this is the case, I can simply only analyse on a general basis.

The general rule of thumb and consensus is that the less physically attractive a man is, the more ambitious he will strive to be in order to bridge the gap between women’s higher attraction that is projected onto his better-looking male counterparts.  This is, whilst it cannot be proven, unofficially true. 

A man in this scenario will, deep down, know that he needs to offer women compensating factors in order to mitigate her lack of sexual attraction onto him.  Some men (and women) even joke about this, but it is usually unspoken to avoid damaging each gender pride, ego and integrity.

With this being said then, on a wholesale basis it is a fair argument that average-looking and ugly men will be more ambitious and career-oriented to compensate for their lesser physical blessings.  The more social status, occupational status, wealth, charisma, style, confidence and (perhaps most importantly) pre-selection evidence he can prove by the form of other women ignited to him he attains, the higher the number, and greater the quality, of women taking oversight to not being attracted to him on face value alone.

Q-tip 1:

Between 16 to 23, most women “love” a man for who he is and not what he is.  Between the female age of 24 to 32, and most women “love” a man for what he is and not who he is.  Women aged 33 and beyond, and in particular those who have already been married and are mothers, fall somewhere in between the two extremes.

In comparison, many of the better-looking men at an early age (high school through to university age) will be in popular social groups where the hottest women are also to be seen.  This often reduces a man’s inclination to be ambitious, as he has an easy life just getting laid with hot girls.  Nevertheless, this good time has a small lifespan, and it is not anywhere close to achievable once women pass 23 years of age.

Exceptions to the rule

The exception to this general rule, and something which is ignored and not considered – basically because it applies to such a tiny minority of men, in addition to the average person’s lack of knowledge and/or lack of acceptance towards this circumstance – is when a top end (top 1%) physically attractive man will in fact need to be equally as ambitious as the average to ugly men as explained.

When a man is very good-looking, and if he attains a level of status, confidence, style and charisma which is also way above the average man’s yardstick, logic suggests that he can almost just sit back and not do anything that reflects ambition or improves his life - such is the likelihood so many women will be queuing up to be with him.  In reality and practice however, this is not the case.  At least, once more, when women age past 23.

A man of this highest calibre in physical attractiveness will give off the impression to pretty much all women that he can have his pick of each one of them.  Whilst nearly all these women will find him physically attractive, and they will have fantasies of sleeping with him, in practice the vast majority of these women will not go near him.  At least, once again, unless it falls in her most fertile few days in the month.  

A woman in this predicament - whose heart and sexual impulses are telling her "yes", but her ego and insecurity is telling her "no" - cannot feel special enough in herself, such is the knowledge she holds that so many other women are attracted to him.  Add on her trust, insecurity and ego issues, and she plays the game of a safer bet with a lesser looking man.

What this all loopholes back to, in a kind of bizarre way, is that the high sought-after man needs to mitigate this female resistance by offering women something that will remove their irritable mindset of his male beauty.  The easiest explanation to this would be a great-looking famous sports star, film star, or similar.  These men will have a conveyor belt of the hottest women lining up to be with him, but it isn’t because of his physical allure.  Women will still have the same issues with him being physically eye catching, but the lure of money, fame, easy life and popularity kills this nagging feeling to a degree that allows them to know there is far more to gain than there is to lose.

In essence then, it isn’t so much that better-looking men are less ambitious than lesser-looking men, as much as lesser-looking men are more ambitious than better-looking men.  The nuance in these words should not be ignored.

Summary

I hope this clarifies both points to your question. 

First, a man’s baldness will act as more of a negative than a positive, but it isn’t a deal-breaker.  It is not a dissimilar comparison to a man being shorter than the average male height.  In both cases, there are opportunities for the bald or shorter man to elevate the kind of woman he can acquire if taken from standing start.

Second, the less physically attractive a man is, the more ambitious he will need to be in appealing to sought-after and younger women. 

Q-tip 2:

All else being equal, upper average-looking to above average-looking men (6.5/10 to 7.75/10) have the largest pool of women to choose from.  They are good-looking enough to attract women and consequently have women give them an opportunity, but not below this benchmark to where diminishing returns exist due to a woman believing she can do far better.

Friday, 4 March 2022

Women should not dictate men’s routines

 

            “Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.”                 (Andy Dufresne – Shawshank Redemption, 1994)

  

I recently became involved with a woman who had shown interest in me for some time prior, but like most relationships in my life of late, this involvement didn’t last long.  I think the thrill of the chase on her part, coupled with the greater need of my existence in her life for only five days in a month (as explained in this previous post), brought about the predictable ending that is now second guessed by me ahead of time.  I certainly didn’t lose any sleep or fall off my seat as a circumstance of our parting of ways.

No surprise I expect to many, but I met her in the gym.  I have to say that if ever there is reinforcement required to illustrate how men deep in their thirties or older (providing these men look after themselves and keep looking young) can attract numerous women ranged as young as 18 to as old 45, then it shouldn’t be questioned any longer.  Women as old or older than exampled man despise this dynamic, because these women loathe the thought of men of similar age having options of attracting and to be with younger women.

Where did she go?

The woman I reference was like clockwork in terms of the times she would enter the gym, and the time she would depart.  Likewise, I always saw her on a Monday, Wednesday and Friday.  A week after I was clear we were no longer going to be seeing each other, her times of arrival on a Monday and Wednesday changed by nearly an hour later.  She stopped going on Fridays.  Just the other day I noticed her commence her workout on one of the treadmills as I finished on the abs area, and she walked the long way round to access the weights area which allowed her to avoid proximity with me.

All a coincidence?  Maybe, as these things can never be known for sure.  I say the bigger coincidence is the fact that her change of routine coincided with our parting of ways in respect to seeing each other outside of the gym.  

Q-tip 1:

A woman avoiding a man is a back-handed compliment to symbolize that she still holds sexual feelings for him.  When a woman makes no effort whatsoever to separate real estate between herself and the man she was once seeing or who showed interest in her, it is symbolic of a woman who is totally apathetic towards his existence. 

This kind or scenario has happened on more occasions than I can remember.  Women will tell you, and attempt to convince themselves and peers, that their instant change of routine is a by-product of being so busy and the fact their life is ever fast-paced changing.  I lean to the contrarian argument that in a calendar year of 365 days, it is once more a coincidence that this sudden change of events occurred when we went our separate ways.

Do men act in the same way?

On the basis I am right – women avoiding men they are sexually attracted to, and being indifferent towards men they are not sexually attracted to – and I think it is quite clear this is the case, how does the reverse dynamic compare?  How do most men proceed when situations arise of similarity?

On the rarer occasions when men break up with their female partners (as most break ups are instigated by women), I would expect that these men carry on with their routine with minor change up.  The main reason is because, as alluded to above, if the man broke up with his girlfriend or wife then the likelihood is that the woman is still into him (ironically, if he did break up with her, she is most probably even more into him than before that day).  With this in mind, if she is still smitten by him then it will be her who changes up her timing habits in order to avoid him.  The thought of seeing him even being near to another attractive woman would, in the immediate term (and sometimes for eternity), be a portrait too hard to bear.  With this said, he carries on as normal.

Staying on this rare occasion topic (when he splits up with her), it may well be that he does the rightful thing and, if requested by her on compassionate grounds, decides to place himself in places and at times when she doesn’t see him.  At the risk of contradicting myself with regards to the post title and lesson behind the words, I would possibly place myself in this category.  If I split up with a woman, and it is down to no greater reason than me no longer having the necessary emotional feelings towards her (or worse still, being unfaithful), then, once more if asked by her, I would consider moving to a new venue.  Much depends on the hassle it would bring to my life.  At the end of the day, I’m not entirely soulless.

Normal course of events

Where this analysis becomes more complex is when the normal course of events occurs – when the woman dumps the man.  In minority cases said man may be happy she dumped him, as he was losing enthusiasm anyway (good example would an ugly to below average looking couple), therefore he couldn’t give a crap either way and subsequently continues on with his whereabout regimes. 

Nevertheless, in most breakup cases - when a woman dumps a man - it will be more of a bolt out the blue and hit him in emotional and psychological negative ways.  Even if things weren’t right in the build up to the breakup (as most men can’t hide from the reality of knowing their female partner is losing interest, no matter how much they try to think otherwise), the vast majority of men will mope around for days, weeks, and even months in believing that life will never be the same again without her.  Sad, but true.

When this does happen, I find that a lot of men do one of two things:

·       One, a man strives as hard, or even harder, to place himself in the same environment as the woman who broke up with him.  It’s almost as if he thinks that she will eventually be worn down by believing she made a big mistake and is still into him.  Whilst in minority cases (as similar to my situation as explained up top) some women do reluctantly finish relationships with men they are still sexually attracted to, this rare condition is dwarfed by the masses of women who no longer even hold a passing thought of the man they left.  With all this considered, the man is wasting his time trying to overload his existence onto his exe’s eyes.

·       Two, a man does what a woman does (as explained in my situation above).  Men act like women in removing themselves from the woeful heart-wrenching feeling of seeing the woman who dumped him.  Generally, he spends a prolonged period of time feeling sorry for himself, most likely concurrent to stalking her on social media, instead of getting on with his life irrespective if she crosses paths with him or not.

The best course of action

I’m sure you probably know what I’m about to say, but my advice is to never let a woman dictate the routine you enjoy carrying out.  Even more so if she was the one who wanted pastures new.  Why should you be the one who changes up your life unnecessarily? 

An even better decision on a man’s part, on the basis it was he who was dumped by her (as I don’t think this advice is fair if you dumped her), is to interact with other women and strive hard to secure a woman who is hotter than the woman who jettisoned.  This, by no mean chance, will most certainly bring back an attraction from your ex.  The decision is then yours to who you choose, but all else being equal or of near parity, I strongly suggest never giving the ex another chance, and in turn firmly venturing on with the new girl.

Q-tip 2:

A woman is most attracted to a man when she knows he has another woman or other women hunting him down.  A woman is least attracted to a man when he doesn’t have a female partner or, worse still, there is no evidence other women are attracted to him.  When a woman has no sexual attraction onto a man (like the man she dumped), but she later finds substantiation that another woman/other women are interested in him, this female attraction threshold falls somewhere between the two extremes.