Sunday, 2 October 2022

Are tall women more likeable and engaging?

 

                            “Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times,                                                 good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times.”                                   (G. Michael Hopf)

  

Around the spring of this year, I exited the gym at the same time as a woman entering who, for want of a better way of explaining it, had bottled the nitty gritty of seeing me on an intimate level.  This was after glances across at me on occasions I lost count of, and an exchange of numbers when I first interacted with her. 

Q-tip 1:

Most women can be defined as having more eyes than action.  Better put, they rarely back up the words they verbalize in practice.

In fairness, the woman referenced actually said “hiya” in a nice way.  At least, on that occasion anyway.  Most women in these scenarios usually look the other way or nervously try to pretend they never saw the man who has moved her emotionally in the past (and most likely still, the present).  However, in true predictability her hot (eye contact and friendly facial expression) and cold (hostile mannerisms and no eye contact when walking directly past) habits dealt their magical normal course of events in the weeks that followed.  And in truth, these same habits have rinse and repeated in the months from then until now.

Her tall friend

Nevertheless, on that friendlier exchange as explained in the first paragraph, I saw her walk in with a tall, blonde haired female friend who I had not seen her with before.  I did not get a long look at her face, such was my main attention onto the other woman, however I do subconsciously remember thinking she was quite pretty in facial terms.

A couple of days later, and the two of them were training together one early morning.  This allowed me to take a letch discrete glance at the tall blonde.  When I say tall in female respects, what I really mean is considerably taller than the average woman.  If the average woman in the UK is 5ft 4” (or slightly shorter?), then I would say 5ft 8” is tall for a woman.  The fact that this blonde stood easily at 5ft 10”, you will not come across many taller women in your day-to-day life.

For general analysis – taking everything (including her height) into account, I’d give her a 7.75/10 overall physical attractiveness rating.  At a push, and a little more toning of her already admirable legs, I could go as far as 8/10.  She is pretty facially, and her body is in good shape and tone.  A little more improvement is there for the taking if she trained a little more from a muscle-mind mentality instead of chatting between sets or looking at her phone, but overall she is an attractive woman.

Her interaction with me…

I was curious how she may receive my existence bearing in mind the minor history I had with her friend.  I would expect that her friend painted a picture of me as a player, and someone who is a little up his own arse.  With this in mind, I was intrigued to the tall blonde’s upcoming body language and friendliness, or lack of.

After a week or so, I started to pick up on her looking over at me, but immediately, as expected, looking away as I caught her eyes on me.  It was not an acrimonious look over at me though, and it was more in awkwardness and nervousness.

As the weeks went by and the weather became warmer and the mornings lighter, there was one instance where I was on the bicep seat curls concurrent to the two of them training on the glutes machine a few yards away.  As I went to take a sip of water out my bottle, her eyes on me were there for all to see.  Again, she quickly looked away as I caught her, but it was in a polite manner.  She has looked over many times since.

I have not interacted with her yet.  Part of me is still wondering how her friend has muddied the waters, and another hesitation has been that I suspected an older man (who I do not particularly like) the two of them talk to is her father.  I have only just the other day cast doubts over the latter possibility being the case, therefore I am now that bit more interested.

Another elevation of my recent interest has been that she comes across as very likeable and of solid girlfriend material.  I get the feeling she is significantly more intelligent than the average woman, and she attains an engaging personality.  You never fully know a woman until you get to know her personally (and even then, it does not take them long to change), but I am a fairly decent judge of a woman’s character with no interaction required.  Life experience offers law of averages, one could say.

Are taller women more likeable and personable?

All else being equal, I have thought for a long time that tall women – especially women >5ft 9” – are usually nicer people and more positively engaging with men, and with people generally, than their smaller female counterparts who possess equal (or sometimes lesser) facial aesthetics and body impressiveness.  If I am right with this assessment, why would this be the case?

In my opinion, and hence the only reason worth examining in this post, it is because most men find tall women intimidating.  Whilst men generally are not even close to holding an inferiority complex to women in physical attractiveness terms than the inverse scenario, I do believe that most men feel inadequate when alongside a taller girlfriend. 

I can understand this consensus and apprehension on a man’s part.  Whilst I would not feel inadequate or inferior per se, I have to be honest and say that I would always feel far more comfortable when with a woman who is a good few inches shorter than me.  I also find shorter women more sexually attractive anyway – all else being equal – but with most men I still think the distaste in being shorter than said girlfriend is a bigger factor.

With this in mind, I would place a few pennies on these tall women being aware of men’s consciousness towards preferring shorter women.  This manifests to a defaulted female mind mechanism to be more engaging, more likeable, more personable, more interactive, and basically just a nicer person than her shorter female peers.  Simply put, if a woman has fewer options with men, she generally will try harder to please men.

Do tall women prefer men shorter than them?

I have experienced relationships with two tall women.  One was 5ft 10”, and the other was 5ft 11”.  The shorter of the two always wore heels on a night out, and dependant on the shoes on my feet, this would often result in me looking in a direct line of sight to her eyes.  The taller of the two nearly always wore flat soles, and this allowed me to always look two or three inches taller than her (although in reality I was barely an inch taller).  Ironically, or perhaps not, both these women were blondes!

It was clear to me that both these women knew it was harder to find a guy they liked in comparison to their shorter friends.  They both effectively said as much.  I know that the former girl went onto birthing a couple of kids with a man a couple who looked about 6ft 2”.  I am fairly sure they split up shortly after the birth of the second child.  The latter woman went onto marry a man who looked at least 6ft 3”, but from a picture alone it seems to me like she has placed a much higher priority on his wealth than his, at best, mediocre physical attractiveness.

Nevertheless, I also worked with a woman who was 6ft 4”.  I always remember that she said it would look weird if she dated a man of same height, therefore she would only feel at ease with a man around six feet, but no taller, in height.

My final thought on it

What do I think?  I advocate that a tall woman, by and large, ideally desires to be with a man who is only an inch or two taller than herself.  This predilection on her part only compounds as she gets older and is looking to settle down with a male candidate.

The main reason I arrive at this conclusion is because of her thoughts of her future kids.  If a tall woman of 5ft 9” to 5ft 11” conceived with a tall (say 6ft 2” or taller) man, there is a high probability that a son will grow to at least 6ft 4” and a daughter to maybe six feet or taller.  Whilst this is not a huge disadvantage to a man (in fact from sporting terms this can be a big advantage), significant above average height for a woman is mainly a drawback.  This may sound harsh, but people will know it is true.

The tall woman prior to choosing a man to conceive with will be fully aware of this probability and outcome, as much as it will most likely remain unspoken.  As most women in silent honesty crave for a daughter in the near same way that most men long for a son, women will base their mindset bias towards creating a girl to the world.  In essence then, this is why a lot of tall women prefer men who are only slightly taller.

A final thought – shorter women’s preference

To reverse this dynamic somewhat, it is worth a recap on how short, average and above average (but no taller than 5ft 8”) women view things differently to the tall women as illustrated.  It is a difference of emotional mindset so opposite that they almost become a different species in entirety.

During our peak going out days – age 18 to 22 – we had a guy in our friendship group who was 5ft 1” on a good posture day.  Whenever we rarely saw a girl in a bar or club who was of similar height to him, we tried to prize her towards his direction.  It rarely ended with success.

Although not all these short women said as much, a couple of them did directly come out and say that they liked tall men.  From that day on, the penny dropped that we were wasting our time trying to link him up with any pretty short girl.  If my memory serves me correctly, the short girls he did hook up with were not the best!

It is consequently a polar opposite thought process that the short woman holds in contrast to the tall woman.  Whilst the tall woman does not want her potential daughter to be too tall, the short woman does not want her potential son to be too short. 

Q-tip 2:

The lower the woman slips below the female sought after (hence mainly hotness) benchmark level, the more likely she is to not back up the rule of thumb that tall women seek men slightly taller than them, and short women desire men considerably taller than them.  In other words, the more said woman – whether extremely tall or short – loses her desirability projected onto men, the more pronounced to see these women with men not in their ideal height zone.

Thursday, 15 September 2022

Female hatred on men dating younger women (again!)

 

“Bitterness, bias, envy and fallacy will often rule over a view of reality.”

  

Reader komunisti asks for my thoughts on the below article:

Hello Vinay!

How are you? Hope you're fine.

I would like to know your opinion about this cheeky feminist critique on Di Caprio's "No date women above 25 years" law.

Here: https://amp.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/sep/03/leonardo-dicaprio-girlfriend-breakup-25-week-in-patriarchy

Thank you.

My response:

First, the article writer's face alone strikes me as someone who holds bitterness and resentment towards a man desiring (and sometimes securing) women who are a sizeable number of years his junior.  With this in mind (on the basis I am right on this view of her), her emotional bias will influence her writing content. This is poor form for a so-called professional writer.  Her primary function should be to tell the truth – or at least give her honest (not self-agenda thoughts to make herself and other women feel better about herself/themselves) – irrespective of, and over and above, any other factor.

Q-tip 1:

Even the most academic, intelligent and astute of woman cannot speak with unconditional honesty when a harsh reality of life hits her emotions.

First, men’s primary predilection on a sexual basis is to sleep with a woman he finds most physically and sexually attractive.  By no sheer coincidence, and with isolated exceptions to the rule acknowledged, even a 50-year-old man would state that a woman aged nineteen to twenty-three is his ideal target in this respect.

This of course does not mean that every 50-year-old man will just go for a 22-year-old woman.  He may find said 22-year-old woman incredibly attractive on a sexual front, but the lack of common ground and limited conversation compatibility will usually make him look for more mature (and hence, usually older) female options in terms of a longer-term consideration.

Second, many 50-year-old men will contemplate how ridiculous this relationship dynamic will appear when in social gatherings.  Even if he has looked after himself and aged well, the likelihood is that his parents will be old enough to be her parents.  Many of his friends will look like her father and mother in appearance terms.  These generation differential factors are enough to put him off venturing into such a large age disparity relationship, no matter how hard she makes his penis go.

Third, the vast majority of 22-year-old women will never in a million years consider being with a 50-year-old man.  Most 50-year-old men will at best still look at least twenty years older than her, and unless he is a multi-millionaire assisted by high social status (and these factors will often still not be enough), the 22-year-old woman will just see it as embarrassing and creepy.  Even if a 50-year-old man looks only thirty-five in physical appearance, I’d estimate that the vast majority of 22-year-old women will still not go anywhere near to this younger looking (but still twenty-eight years her senior) man.

How much does fame and fortune eradicate this female resistance?

With the above considered, it is therefore fair to say that a (small) majority of “everyday” 50-year-old men will not look to pursue with a 22-year-old woman (even one he wants to bang her very much), and a (very large) majority of 22-year-old women will not go near a 50-year-old man.  I think a lot of people fail to accept this truism.

Nevertheless, throw in extreme wealth and fame, and you formulate a different ball game entirely.  As I’ve always said, there is always a price that can be placed in front of a woman’s eyes to disguise over her distastes.  A women’s primary function when seeking suitable male partners is to produce a life which will be better than she had before.  This factor comes before satisfying her ego (although you could argue that being with an extremely wealthy and famous man ticks this box too), and well before satisfying her sexual urges.

With this in mind, a high percentage of 22-year-old women are not going to turn down an opportunity with a Leonardo Di Caprio figurehead.  She may not find him overly (or at all) sexually attractive, and she may find him boring and like talking to her dad, but these distastes can be mitigated to a great extent by what she has to gain.

Q-tip 2:

In this modern day it is an easy concept for a woman to consider and go through with a marriage to a man who she is not that into sexually.  She can gain in the short-term, and then file for divorce shortly after.  It is often a win-win scenario for her.

When the roles are reversed – female hypocrisy

As illustrated in this previous post, female hypocrisy is never more apparent when large age gap relationships are at the heart of the topic. 

When a man is seen with a much younger woman, most other women will broadcast him as a creepy old man, a cradle snatcher, or a man lacking any level of mental maturity to be with a woman of similar age to him.

When the script is flipped – and a woman is seen with a much younger man – it never seizes to amuse me how on watching women will often give it the “go girl” rendition, and that she is just living her fun deserving life.  These deluded and hypocritical comments are commonly accompanied by misconceptions that the younger man needs an older woman, as the women his age are too immature. 

Let us be honest and cut through the bullshit though.  Most men who date older (>5 years) women are often low sought-after men, or/and men lacking in any degree of genuine inner confidence.  As men place predominant priority on the physical attractiveness level of a woman and how much he wants to bang her, any half-decent man should always be able to find himself a woman of same age or younger.

Because whilst we can talk until we are blue in the face with regards to how big the age gap can be before it seems weird, the facts of the matter are that an older man and younger woman dynamic simply just plays into the role of natural biology.  Men like what a younger woman has, and women like what an older man has.  Consequently, when it is the other way round and the woman is older than the man, this is not playing into life’s magical story of nature and instincts. 

With this all taken into account, the conclusion is simple.  A woman’s primary motivation in being with a younger man is to feel better about herself and convince others (and herself) that she is still beautiful in the same way as her younger self and younger female rivals.  It is in essence to massage her own ego, rather than first and foremost being attracted to him.  A man’s subconscious (and sometimes conscious) reasoning to be with an older woman is because he does not possess the inner belief that he can control and trust a, on paper and often reality, higher maintenance younger woman.

A final thought

I always remember talking to a man in the gym who was thirty-two at the time of this particular conversation.  I was a year younger than him.  He was adamant that if he looked after himself, when he turned fifty, he could still attract (and I assume he also believed he could get them to date him and sleep with him) women of thirty.  I did not think much of it at the time, in analysis terms of how realistic this was.

In retrospect, I know where he was coming from.  The critical part is that he would need to look after himself and appear physically much younger than his chronological age.  The other requirement would be to find those minority of women who are comfortable with a twenty-year age gap.  In my opinion, the former task is far easier than the latter potential obstruction.

What I would say though, to back up his argument somewhat, is that it would be easier for him at fifty to find a 30-year-old woman than him at forty-five finding a 25-year-old woman.  In other words, as every year passes, the age gap he was referring to becomes a little more attainable - all else being equal.

All in all, to go back to the article in question, you probably have two gender biases that aren’t quite aligning with reality.  In essence, there is probably a higher percentage of older men who think considerably younger women will date them in comparison to the actual percentage of women who will date these men.  Conversely, there is a lower percentage of women who accept much younger women will date older men than the actual percentage of these younger women who will.  I will leave the rest for you to decide….


Acknowledgements

The Guardian

Friday, 2 September 2022

Workplace romances and relationships

 

“It is a good idea to not try and fix a plane whilst in the sky.”

  

I have recently become a regular viewer of the The Office US.  I fully appreciate this may seem like an eternity to many people who watched it over a decade ago, but I guess we all collide into TV shows retrospectively and by accident.  I find it very entertaining.

Alongside the admirable acting, storylines and humour, the one thing that stood out was the sheer frequency of in-house relationships they scripted.  I guess this is a critical ingredient to keep the drama at an optimum in order to consequently keep the viewing figures high.  In any case, it all got me thinking of my past office and workplace experiences, and those former colleagues who chose a similar path to date someone within the same workplace.

What do the statistics show?

Based on this report, it is now found that just over one in ten couples are finding love in the workplace.  This is compared to one in five romances in 1990 that were a by-product of workplace colliding. 

The report appears to stress on the bias that this is a small number, but you have to base your argument on a little more than just this 11% (of today, or 20% from >30 years ago) of workplace in isolation:

·       First, there will be more than a few couples who aren’t declaring the truth, and they perhaps want to keep this on the quiet.  Whilst I accept this would be minimal in the whole scheme of things, it still should be considered that it would increase the figures somewhat.

·       Second, in actuality 11% is still quite a high number bearing in mind that a man, and a woman, will meet far more women and men respectively in their social outings (should they not be socially inept out of work) than they will at work.  For example, a man can, and should, see far more women on just one night out than he would in weeks of working at the same place.

In any case, irrespective to whether you think 11% is low or high, I lean much more towards this study from 2014.  This article concludes to 30% of relationships starting at work.  Therefore, if we just take an idle average between both reports, it concludes to just over 20% of people being in a relationship with someone they met at work.  One in five then.  That’s pretty high, based on my explanation in the second bullet point above.

Why am I reluctant to take this path?

I would by no means say I have never been attracted to any women I have met in the workplace.  Whilst this number would be a tiny minority (to be frank, meeting a cute or hot woman in male dominated environments amongst the much higher numbers of female mingers is like finding a needle in a haystack), there have been a few ladies who remain in my memory.  I would firmly say, on top of this, that an even smaller number of women who stay in my mind for sexual attractiveness purposes were simply women who were seen on isolated (and often only one) occasion as a coincidental passing attendee or visitor.

My view to subconsciously abstain from meeting a woman within the workplace to have a relationship or fling with has always been based on a few reasons:

·       It would bore and tire the relationship due to seeing her too much. 

·       You would get in the middle of dramas and issues where politics and “sides” are encountered, in particular if she was at the centre of any situation.

·       I don’t like women knowing too much about my personal finances or workplace ambitions (or lack of!) – which could be far easier worked out by her if she occupied at the same company.

·       Belonging to two totally separate workplaces, industries, occupations and colleague networks would give the two of us more to talk about.

·       I have always had enough confidence in my offerings as a man to women to know I can meet a woman in alternative social environments – gyms, bars, nightclubs, on the street, or through sheer coincidence – to avoid having to even consider the negatives in dating a woman from the same office.

For the purpose of a caveat, I would stress that I do not have a problem being in a relationship with a woman who works within the same (preferably large) company, but just not at the same office premises.  Even then, I would prefer not to.

The reasons men will meet their future girlfriend/wife in the workplace

At the risk of sounding harsh, and this was alluded to above and has been documented directly on this blog in the past, the vast majority of men in a random workplace (and to be fair, the vast majority of men generally) are not striking women’s attentions on a wholesale basis (whether that be at work or elsewhere) on face value alone.  Simply put, most men are basically invisible to women on a sexual attraction basis. 

Additionally, the vast majority of men are not greatly confident when it derives to interacting with women they do not know personally.  Most men do not attain the courage to approach a woman they do not know, let alone ask her out.

Nevertheless, the workplace acts as a big mitigation to this predicament for a man.  First, knowing a woman via work eradicates much of his anxiousness and low confidence around women.  He can get to know her gradually, and then strike when all signs are there.  Second, and far more applicable, is the fact that a profession, in particular as he climbs the career ladder, acts as an attraction onto a woman when in normal circumstances she would barely notice him.  The status, money, potential, and perhaps power can sway women to his attention, and disguise over his lacking physical allure. 

This all manifests to give a man opportunities with women – including women at the high end of female physical attractiveness – which he would not open up for himself in a bar, club, gym or elsewhere.

The reasons women will meet their future boyfriend/husband in the workplace

With women, the reasoning and motivation is much different in gender relative terms.  In fact, it is so different that it is almost a complete opposite to why a man would meet his future female partner at work. 

In spite of a decrease in men having the balls to approach women who they do not know, and an increase in women’s negative receptiveness to being approached by men they do not know, most sought-after women will still find the path to men asking them out.  Granted, this may be more common via friendship or social networks than cold approaching from men in gyms, bars and clubs, but ultimately they will still produce invitations from the opposite sex.  In essence, there is a much higher percentage of women who attract the eyes of men in contrast to a tiny minority of men who attract the eyes of women.

With this in mind – women attracting men without the need (unlike men) of a workplace to gain attraction from the other sex – then why would women choose to meet a man at work?

·       First, and as explained on earlier, a woman can become more attracted to a man once his professional offerings are exposed.  A woman finds earnings (and the potential male financial provisioning this will bring which benefits her life) very appealing, with the associated company profile and power (sometimes even when he comes across as a pathetic office bully) not far behind her primary predilection.

·       Second, as much as most women will deny this, they go looking for drama, self-attention, being talked about, and complications in their life.  All these boxes can be ticked in dating a man, or sometimes just having an affair with a man, within the same workplace.  Why date the equal sought-after (or even better catch) man she met in the bar on Saturday, when the guy at work brings about all the necessities a woman craves for.

A final thought

In truth, there is not much more to say or explain.  I think it has now essentially all been covered.

In easy summary, a man will look to find a woman in the workplace to compensate for his low courage traits in approaching women in the big bad world outside of work, in addition to being able to display endearing appeal at work to women who would otherwise walk past without noticing him.

On the other hand, women will seek a man in the workplace due to finding him more appealing than in any other social environment, all else being equal.  Add on the drama and attention that this will create, and voila, all the pieces to the jigsaw are complete.

Q-tip:

As a man, strive to find any free (or near cost free) benefit that can further your attraction onto women.  Work on your physical attractiveness (on the basis you are a man who is not already catching the eyes of innumerable women), but understand this is not a huge factor in the overall scheme of things.  Smell good, look confident, be firm but approachable, have a pleasing to others personality, portray strong body language, and perhaps most of all, be aware of what attracts women in the first place.  Everything else should fall into place.

Tuesday, 16 August 2022

Can a man prevent becoming a dad?

 

“If there is never a right time, there sure is often a wrong time.”

  

A reader asks for my thoughts on a topic that has most definitely been touched on before within this blog, but perhaps never answered in a way to suit the direct question:

Hey this is rolexhandyman.

Is there any chance you can make a post on how you have been able to not make accidental babies ? What do you do to discipline yourself ?

My response:

Just over a year ago I was asked to revisit Nottingham Queens Medical Centre to discuss whether I was suitable for extended frozen sperm storage on a free of charge basis.  This storage facility was first offered to me (and naturally accepted by me) a couple of weeks prior to starting chemotherapy treatment over a decade ago.  If nothing else, for the first time (in 2011) in my life it confirmed that I attained a healthy and normal sperm count.  Most men, and women, take this for granted.

During discussion to evaluate whether I would be accepted for further none cost storage, the doctor analysed my latest sperm donation.  This was the first time post chemotherapy, therefore I was as intrigued with the scientific outcome as I was with the hospital’s decision.  The doctor said that whilst my sperm count in number was normal, it appeared the mobility was slightly below average.  Nevertheless, she said it was highly unlikely that I was infertile. 

She asked for my thoughts on the situation.  My natural desire of honesty and straight talking took precedence over the implications to my words, and I told her that I felt as strongly about a vasectomy as I did about one day becoming a father.  After a few additional days thinking about everything, I emailed the hospital as a form of written confirmation to take me off the patient list for possible frozen sperm storage. 

For clarity, I have not had the snip either.  If the truth be told, I can say that I’m eighty to ninety percent sure I never want to have kids (or more likely, a kid).  But that’s not one hundred percent.  With that said, if I had only one choice right now with a gun pointed to my head, it would be an easy choice to say - “no thanks”.

A recent anecdote

In late 2018 I joined a small deconstruction company with only five people (that included myself, and the owner who was rarely in) situated in the office premises.  There were two women aged about 46 and 50 in there.  After a few days they luckily took to me (it probably helped I worked from home two days anyway!).  Without the interrogation of any senior staff there on a consistent basis, you can imagine there was a lot of none work related conversation that took place.

One day, Mandy (the 50-year-old) started talking about her two sons, and in particular how they came along in the first place.  I discretely mentioned that it should be extremely hard for a woman to conceive if she responsibly takes the contraceptive pill.  As soon as I said this, I could tell this comment had touched a nerve with her.

She blatantly disagreed with me, saying that there are all kinds of things that can happen to break the barrier, so to speak, even if the woman is totally in control of her contraception procedures and does everything right to prevent pregnancy.  She said that with both her sons, they were not planned but the little swimmer found its way to her eggs.  I couldn’t help but think that she wasn’t being totally honest.

I certainly didn’t want to rub her up the wrong way any longer.  All I know is that I’ve been involved with women who took the pill responsibly, and (bearing in mind from the above explanation that I know my sperm count is more than adequate) on no occasion did they get pregnant.  The one time I did have a narrow escape was my fault as much as hers, as we knew she had taken ill shortly before, but we (I) chose not to use condoms.  Shame on me for that lapse.

The main prevention and mitigations to getting a woman pregnant?

Onto the purpose of this post, which was embedded in rolexhandyman’s question.  I think the most efficient way to go about this is a via a brainstorming exercise:

  • ·       When you first meet a woman and you start nailing her, ensure you use condoms if there has been no discussion over whether she is on the pill or not.  In fact, forget just this reasoning in isolation.  In this day and age, it is advisable to use a few more weeks not going raw just in case there are any suspicions that creep into your mind that may suggest she has been around a bit more than you would like (hence, the STD possibility).
  • ·       One-night stands – always use condoms.  As much as I do think it is very rare for a woman to go on a night out with the intention to get pregnant (apart from WAG’s, Golddiggers etc - who go out with the very intention to get pregnant to a rich and famous man), you have to remember that a lot of woman who go out, and especially women who are happy to drop their pants on the first night meeting a guy, will be in a very horny and fertile period in their monthly cycle.  If she isn’t on the pill, and if she isn’t insistent on you using a condom, you run the much bigger risk of getting her pregnant should you not wrap up.
  • ·       As an association with the above two points, be careful on short term flings. A short-term fling to a man may not be, and is often not in practice, the same thought process as that of a woman.  If she grasps that you have a shorter time and no strings attached mind frame concurrent to her having thoughts of something longer term and more serious, it is more than common for these women to trap men via a pregnancy.  Simply put, use your own form of contraception to eliminate this danger.
  • ·       Whilst not absolute, but generally speaking, there will be a far greater inclination and motivation for a woman aged 26 to 32 to get pregnant than any other female age bracket (on the basis she has not already had a kid/kids).  With this in mind, tread even more carefully with these women.
  • ·       As a caveat to the one up above, if you reside in a highly populated city and you meet women within these big cities, her urge to get pregnant will not be as strong in comparison to the equivalent woman as explained above.  Even so, the principles of what you should do are the same.
  • ·       The smaller the town/social network she resides in or belongs to, the bigger the risk to the man that said woman will try and get pregnant. 
  • ·       The more career oriented the woman, the later she will hold desires to get pregnant.  Nevertheless, still be strategic if you see signs of her broodiness encroaching.
  • ·       The less intelligent the woman, the less career focused the woman, and the lower the social class of the woman = the more likely she will want to get pregnant, and at earlier age.
  • ·       If a woman hints that she has been ill in vomiting terms (or you know for a fact she has), do not risk having sex with her for the next seven days without using a condom.
  • ·       If you are in a long-term relationship with a woman, yet you hold no desires to for now (or ever) be a father, listen scrupulously for subtle messages, often in cryptic form, that she will drop with regards to the two of you becoming parents.  If this is the case, you need to firmly let her aware that you are not ready for this parenting lifestyle or responsibility.  For as long as women are in control of the oral contraceptive pill consumption, and likewise men are not, women will always be in control of the pregnancy, or otherwise.  However, you manifest a greater chance of her preventing pregnancy by being clear up front than if you just went along with her vague signals or words.
  • ·       If you still have fears of becoming a father – and the consequential detriments in the form of financial, free time, stress, relationship, physical ageing, and life accomplishment perspectives – try to maintain the fear factor psychology from stories given by your parents or at school sex education.  This mindset will act as a default for an “if in doubt, always use condoms” process.
  • ·       Even in drunken moments, whether planned or spontaneous, channel your mind to still carry and use condoms without fail.
  • ·       Should you foolishly fail to abide by all this advice (in addition to anything else you can think of not listed), and should you end up entering without rubber on your handle so to speak, at the very least you need to pull out before you ejaculate.  This is a last resort mitigation in my opinion, but in obvious sheer law of averages there is far less likelihood she can get pregnant if the vast majority of your sperm never came in.

A final thought

If the truth be told, I doubt there is a straight man out there who actually prefers using a condom over not using one based on arousal, intercourse, or ejaculation thresholds during bedroom endeavours with a woman.  I’m certainly no different.  Nonetheless, even if it takes ten or twenty percent away from the optimum enjoyment and climax, I see it as a price worth paying over the potential ramifications. 

As long as the unavailability of a male contraceptive pill continues, and there is no time soon this will change apparently, ultimately men only have two options if they do not want the woman they are sleeping with to get pregnant.  They either use condoms, or they have a vasectomy. 

I still to this day could give dozens of examples of men I know, many who were friends of mine, where I would confidently say that their female partners contrived the pregnancy.  I doubt on any occasion it was a mutual, in advance decision to get pregnant.  For every man willing to admit this truism, I can guarantee you there are more than ten-fold who know this to be the case, but who are unwilling to admit for pride’s sake and maintaining the integrity of their girlfriend or wife.

Q-tip:

It is no coincidence that a woman will not get pregnant to a man she is sleeping with in situations where she does not want to have a child with him.  Ditto this policy if she consciously knows a child will hold back her life, rather than enhance it.  Equally, a woman will happily get pregnant to a man, with little contrition involved on her part, if it means improving her life and public showcase.

 

Further reading

https://www.vinaywcmd.com/2014/08/susceptible-swimmers-for-contrived.html

Tuesday, 2 August 2022

Women’s manipulation and lies

 

                                 “If you can meet success and failure and treat them both                                                                as impostors, then you are a balanced man, my son.”                                    (Rudyard Kipling)

  

Sometimes a first-hand story from another person’s (caveat – not mine!) life experience brings the home truths to roost in a place where they cannot be hidden and ignored.  Take a read for yourself:

*****************************************************

I met this girl.  She seemed to live a spiritual life, looking for growth. Said she did yoga, practiced mindfulness, and was 2 years divorced out of an abusive marriage. She was looking for someone on the same path.

Well, I was 2 years divorced, working on my spirituality and self awareness, felt like the perfect match!

We laughed a shit load, we took little trips, we both loved goats, we both liked to cook, we both loved fun socks, both vegetarian, we were both very insecure, we loved being in each other’s company. We talked of marriage, starting an AirBnB, getting goats, having yoga and breakfast and lunch at our BnB.

One little thing she forgot to tell me, she likes to lie, and i mean A LOT. Actually, I don’t think she can help herself.

She was never divorced, nor was she single. Who knows how many others she had, I know of 3.

Without getting into the messy details, it was a train wreck that she calls “mistakes!”🤣

mistake is putting 3 eggs in a recipe that calls for 2. Not juggling 3 guys and taking on a 4th!

She will keep drawing straws to blame shift. She always says there was trust issues on both sides. That’s what’s fucked up!

If she couldn’t see I was just a weeeeee bit jaded from the emotional hell she put me through, then I can’t help her.

And in reality, after the first time, the other 50+ times were my fault.

I tried to work with her. But for some reason she thought running to other men was the solution.

She did have one thing right. I did change. When she met me, I was a caring, thoughtful, creative, trusting person. But I needed this, to be completely broken down to rebuild into a better me.

She was always who she showed she was, I just wouldn’t listen to her.

Lesson learned. I’m watching now.

******************************************

Admittedly, a story of this kind can leave a man going through a misogynist, hateful or resentful time and thought process with women in thinking every woman is the same.  This is not the case at all.  There are still some decent women out there.  The problem is, and many honest men would agree, that this percentage of decent, genuine, truthful and sincere women seems to be decreasing as time passes for every day.

Where that percentage sits is down to a man’s objectivity, life experience, honesty, rationalisation, compassion, and bitterness thresholds.  I’ll be the first to admit that, prior to learning about women in emotional psychology respect (assisted heavily with what I experience for myself, and seeing what women do in third party situations), I would have judged women far more harshly than I do now.  This might seem like a strange thing to say from someone who has written for nearly a decade in being forthright and unapologetic in criticizing women. 

But that is what it is - criticism.  It isn’t hate.  Hate is a poison that nobody should let enter their life, no matter how far extreme the circumstance arises in negative terms.  Hate only allows the others to win.  Sometimes this can be construed as letting life win.  If I could give any advice, it would be to never hate.  This is closely followed in advice to never be bitter, jealous or resentful, although I concede these lapses are more forgiving.

This isn’t by any means to say someone should not be critical of someone or something.  I actually would be endorsing of this, providing you are not going out your way to do it for sake’s sake.  Likewise, be harsh when it suits.  Never be afraid to speak your mind.  Aim to not be politically correct.  Finally, and most importantly, don’t follow the crowd if it’s something you don’t desire to do.  In essence, be your own person.

A thought on this anecdote

As the man who wrote this life brief only gave us snippets of how this woman in his life was a despicable human being, there isn’t a lot more I can add.  This previous post gives a robust explanation of the lies women are accustomed to partaking in on a daily basis it seems.  And with very little remorse, it should be said.

All I will say is that to ever be good with women – and ultimately not allow them to hurt you as much in the future as it did in the past – you need to take a lesson from every interaction, relationship or lie you experience with them.  Only then can you not only become better with the next one you meet, but consequently be far more relaxed about the outcome or inevitable lies, games and manipulations they will play with you. 

I guess you could call it water off a duck’s back, because you are expecting it in advance.  I’m a firm believer that the men who sustain the most severe heartaches are men who are too trusting with women, men who believe most (or all) of what women tell them, men who lack experience with women in not comprehending or foreseeing trends or event likelihoods, and men who never saw the day coming because he placed too must faith in her integrity, loyalty, faithfulness and honesty.

I’ll leave you with some items to expect from the majority of women you will meet in your life:

·       They will lie on regular occasions, and especially about emotional topics.

·       They will play the victim role in most scenarios.

·       They will rarely (and sometimes never) admit they are wrong.

·       They will find a way, no matter how far fetched from reality, that the man they are with is wrong, and she is right.

·       Most women will not face confrontation or disagreements up front.  They lack the maturity, courage, and common sense to face it up front.  Instead, they will run to friends, sisters and mothers who, no surprise, will further fuel her argument that she has nothing to feel guilty about.

·       No matter the facts against them, women will use fallacy to assist their argument.

·       They will let their egos speak for them, no matter how far from the truth this may be.

·       The smarter and more intelligent women will give snippets of the truth, in order to maintain credibility and pull the wool over naïve men’s eyes.

·       They will find a way, no matter how guilty the sin they committed, that the reason they did this was for the good of someone or something else.

·       On rare occasions, they will admit to their misdemeanours.  However, assisted with evil female peer words and their own hamster rationalisation, don’t be surprised to later down the line see or hear them backtrack on this confession.  A good example may be a woman who cheated on her husband, but when it comes to divorce proceedings, she claims the reason this happened was down to his bad behaviour or similar.

·       Not many women (and this is most applicable as you move up the female physical attractiveness food chain) have an emotional equilibrium of healthy nature.  They are either too high, or too low.

·       Most women, as soon as they meet a man who they believe is long term material, will have a plan of where she wants to get to.  This plan will rarely involve informing the man upfront.  Contrived pregnancies are the best example of this.

·       You, as the man in the couple dynamic, will often be a cast member in a make-believe movie she is forming in her mind.  You have to accept, no matter how much self-belief and confidence you have in yourself, that what you are providing for her (whether this be in financial, better life or egotistical ways) is a priority over her organic feelings for you.

Q-tip:

Female lies are ultimately part and parcel of getting intimately involved with women.  It comes with the territory.  Fundamentally, a man with experience sees these lies for what they are and doesn’t let them affect him in a detrimental capacity.  Only when they do, does he need to nip the subject or situation in the bud.  Sometimes this simply means walking away, for good if needs be.

Learn the lessons of life, as the narrator more than alludes to.  There is no substitute for life experience.  If you fail to learn from your experiences, then you should expect very little sympathy in return when the tears internally manifest, and the heart aches that little bit more than you would like it to.

 

Acknowledgements

quora.com