Tinder misrepresenting the sexual market

“The truth is always out there.  You just need to be careful who tells you the truth.”

A reader asks for my take:

What are your thoughts on this?
http://tinderrage.blogspot.ca/
Do good looking guys really have this much power?

I wasn’t going to dedicate a full post on this subject, but having hit on the link above, it appeared to me that a little transparency and objectivity is necessary for the more naïve, gullible but innocent and genuine thinking men out there on the subject of aspects like Tinder.

The numbers

First and foremost, it is important to take Tinder, or any conventional dating website for that matter, in the true perspective of numbers.  Whilst surveys may try and prove otherwise, my advice would be to assess your own social circles in terms of how many people you know who consistently utilize these sources of interaction endeavours. 

If I’m like anyone else, I would place no more than 5% of people I know who venture onto the likes of Match.com, POF or similar, and of this percentage, it would be heavily weighted towards old hags in the office who just so think they can find “Mr. Right” after declaring being the mother of two or three kids.  I guess hope burns eternal, right?

As for Tinder - a method designed for the younger crowd - it would be no more than 1% of all people I know.  As I focus on my own life and never aspire to be a follower or part of a so called trendy crowd (despite being way more “trendy” than these self-proclaimed people), I’ve never been a social proof requiring kind of guy, so maybe I’m not party to networks who partake in this.  I’m not against the theory, as anything that can save a man time and effort in refrained dates to get laid is totally my way of thinking.  Minimum effort, for maximum reward. 

But in essence, my point is that dating websites, and in particular Tinder’s hook up process, reflect such a tiny amount of the dating, interaction, relationship and sex prospects in consideration to the whole population sitting inside this partner seeking bubble.

Good physical looks in the sexual market

In respect to the heading, let’s put some obvious, but perhaps overlooked and denied facts forward:

• In >99% of cases, good looks for a woman are an absolute necessity to attract men for both relationship and sex nominations.  It’s only when two women are of very similar physical beauty that men start to analyze metrics like her personality, sexual expertise (that cannot be truly known prior to intimate involvement) and empathetic objectives within heterosexual bonds.  If all else is equal, a woman almost always needs to look as good as feasibility allows her to do so.
• If all else is equal in impersonal circumstances, it is beneficial for a man to be good looking than average looking or ugly.  This may sound like a given, but it needs to be pointed out due to the complexities that are to be further explained.  This is only true because, with nothing else to go on, women’s eyes will turn to males who look the best.
• When a woman knows respective men on personal terms, or when she knows about other aspects of his life (status, money, personality, commitment likelihood, etc…), she will far more often pick out a man who is less physically attractive than her, even if she had the opportunity with a man who is better looking than her.

How Tinder differs from the norm

As alluded to earlier, Tinder is mainly aimed at the younger generation (pre 30) in contrast to the vast offerings of single women in their 30s, 40s or 50s on the traditional dating websites.  This makes sense, as unlike the profile scripted websites that give women an idea of a man’s occupation, wealth and hobbies, and likewise that gives a man comprehension to whether a woman he likes the look of is a mother (hence disqualification with any man of calibre, unless she is incredibly hot), Tinder is almost like the bar and club scene where male physical blessings trump all else, with the exclusion of social status.

With this in mind, people who subscribe on and partake in Tinder should, in theory, be people who are looking for best looking members of the opposite sex to move things on to the next stage.  At the end of the day, if women are serious about hooking up with delegates on Tinder, they are no different to men when it comes to sexual arousal, thoughts and executions – they want to jump on a ride with the most sexually endearing and attractive.

I use the term “in theory” because although men using Tinder, like any other minute in their lives, are striving to secure the most physically alluring woman, also like any other minute in their lives, women’s choices and involvement with men are born out of totally different motivations.  More on this in a moment…

The outcome reality of Tinder

When I hit on the link published by the reader, one thing I will say is that it would take me a hell of a long time to see that many cute and hot women in my everyday life.  With respect to this, and unless the itemized girls have been cherry picked out from the inundated numbers of uninspiring looking women you see in a routine day (or night) in the UK, I can only go on the assumption that a decent percentage of female Tinder users are of high end (top 2%) physical attractiveness. 

Then I started to look at the interaction shown on the examples given.  Again, a non-existence of editing is not inconceivable, but once more I’ll take it on face value.  With the exception of one particular proactive woman, all the chasing, suggestions and compliments were from the buttons typed by the man.  Yes, I’ll say that the language is far more effective than the supplicated nice guy off the street who wouldn’t dare say a word that disrupted a woman’s universe, but it still attained, to me, an air of male desperation and over zealousness written behind the efforts to conceal true interest. 

And I think this sums Tinder up in a way that most people don’t have the peripheral vision to see beyond.  When you look at the conversation end, it was ultimately the woman giving the man her number.  Whenever a man does all the chasing, and in particular when the hotter the woman strays to the right, the more likely it is for an unhappy and unproductive ending on the man’s part.  Simply put, women are most attracted to men who they have to chase.  And to my knowledge, obtaining a woman’s number has a limited hit rate in actuality of getting laid. 

Q-tip 1:

Ask yourself the following:

Question: What is a man’s main mission when he considers the opposite sex?

Answer: Having sex with the most physically attractive woman possible.

Question: What is a woman’s main mission when she considers the opposite sex?

Answer: For him to elevate her ego, for him to add drama to her life, for him to make her feel valuable to the world, for her to receive attention, and for him to enable her to exploit her self-importance between her own two ears and to any watching external parties.

Q-tip 2:

If you are observant with a woman’s habits, you will notice a firm disparity between the men she most likes to give her attention (hence the best looking guys to boost her social ego) in comparison to the men she eventually selects to take things further with – hence the lesser looking men for safety, an ego boost due to his comparative less impressive physical looks, and appreciation of her existence.

Caveat to Q-tip 2:

This female positive inflicted emotion they receive from good looking guys is at its highest during “non-personal” interaction – in the form of texts, e-mails, Tinder messages, etc.  This is because, when standing alongside the same man, the woman responds with far decreased positive emotion by the way of irritable feelings he gives her due to the physical attractiveness “competition” and de-leveraging thoughts of her beauty.  This will go a long way to explain why a good looking man will catch a cute or hot (usually lower end hot) woman looking at him in a sexual manner on numerous occasions, yet when he approaches her, she gives him the cold shoulder almost immediately. 

So in conclusion…

With regards to the Q-tips above, women and men, even in a proposing hook-up environment, come from totally different angles when it derives to how each member is incentivized by the other.  This is where younger men, but older men too, get lost in the forest where trees have never been cut down.  They think that taking down a woman’s phone number guarantees, at least, further interest on her part. 

But a woman is far more interested in her own welfare and importance than the sound of her beating heart or the moistness of her panties.  If she can get both, then great, but the latter will, with the vast majority of women, be a secondary priority to the former.  Yes, women are more promiscuous than generations gone by, even though this consensus is overrated. This cannot be denied in the way of internet sex tapes that so many more women feel the need to do.  Fine by me, as guys such as me can benefit in this world, but then don’t go moaning years down the line if no man worth having wants you for long term relationship material.

So in essence, yes, the reader is kind of right in terms of good looking guys, similar to the bar and club scene, having the most involvement on Tinder.  But I certainly wouldn’t refer to this as power.  Where he possibly comes a cropper is in believing that all these Tinder conversations led to sex.  Some will have done, but I can guarantee you that the vast majority did not.  These women just like the attention whoring status it allows them to accomplish.  Guys who are claiming they always got her in the sack are lying, and they know I’m right.  I’m sure some people may be thinking “well I know a guy who told me that….”  Maybe there lies the point – he told you.

And as a final thought, Tinder kind of reminds me of lad’s holidays I ventured on abroad to cheap Spanish and Greek resorts.  What you found here was that the best looking guys did receive the most action.  Unfortunately it was usually with the easiest and loosest women who were average looking at best.  The reality is that hot women have no necessity to give it up so easily.  Occasional cuties would offer it, but you had to screen hard even for those willing to take the plunge.  I saw this whole dynamic of fat slag meets better looking guy develop with my own two eyes, and if the truth be told, I even saw it too closely from time to time on the bed next to me!

Total male apathy versus total male engagement

“Never offer until the time suits you.  

Always decline if the day doesn’t seem right.  

Seldom agree unless it’s of beneficial consequence. 

Only propose when you gain as much as them.”

There will come a time in a man’s life when he has studied a level of interaction strategy, female emotional psychology, and possibly even a degree of information that offers a true perspective to how important intimate relationships with women are in the whole scheme of life.  Some men learn better and quicker than others, whilst there are even some males out there who do pick it up easily but refrain from delivering it into good use in the practical field.  Most men never even get a word of this type of literature in the first place, as they stay adamant to their arrogant view of always making the corrective moves. 

For those men who are willing to face up to the harsh truth through the barrier of blissful ignorance or an unrealistic world, one element of interaction with women may still linger on their minds to which road is best to take.  In the life of a man’s knowledge cycle, this will usually be the two polar stages:

Total engagement                                                                                     Total apathy

_____________________________________________________________________________

Pre comprehension of interaction strategy

This concept, often found in many mainstream articles written by women or lap dog men, is that a man must act as happy, approachable and engaging as possible, as he smiles as wide as a Cheshire cat simultaneous to talking to women excessively to prove how nice a guy he is.  The more attention he gives her, the more appreciative she will be.  The more he talks, the stronger her feelings will be towards knowing he is a great guy that she could see herself spending hours with in rambling on about the A to Z of the world.  The more time he spends with her, and the more he agrees with her side of things, the greater her belief will be in his overall suitability.  He thinks this all manifests in her being more attracted to him.  If this is what women tell him, surely this is what he should do.  Oblivious is this man to how many women do act in conjunction with what they say.

Excessive advocator of interaction strategy

Once a man finally recollects how women didn’t appreciate his process during pre comprehension, he becomes a little belligerent with thoughts of women.  Because of this, he believes the most appropriate way to interact with women is to barely engage with them.  He now turns his back to them, he never smiles, his answers are short, care-free not assessed, and he comes across as a selfish and somewhat low social orientated man.  He thinks this strategy will now attract women, as they sure weren’t attracted to him as the nice guy.  Further to this, he has seen with his own eyes how women have been compelled to apathetic men in the same timeframe as repelling from those offering all their endeavours.

As you can see, both processes are from the far left and far right of the approach line.  To the left side arrives the idealist, and to the right is the cynic.

If only one option should be taken, I would always advise to the far right.  Having played both roles – mainly sitting to the left side of the spectrum in early dating days and to the right with certain women I cared little for – at the very least you will finish at the same point.  More often, and especially with younger women, the far right will also achieve more success.  But if equal results are the end product, surely it’s a no brainer in choosing to exert little to achieve a lot.

Q-tip:

When men are looking upon adventures with women, they should always abide by the mentality of:

“Minimum effort to achieve maximum rewards.”

The far left is what most women will tell men that they look for, but this is only because they either believe it is the kind of man they desire, or more likely this avenue is the one that makes them feel best about their existence.  A woman’s ego is a powerful tool, and many of them will often subconsciously, or even consciously, prefer to feed this beast in preference to ultimate happiness.  What women fail to face up to is that they attain far greater visceral feelings for men straying to the far right.  This is, within reason.

I caveat the last sentence with “within reason”, because both processes have a point.  Women are drawn towards disinterested, quietly moody and apathetic men providing there is a physical attraction in the first place, because women swallow a sweet taste for things that don’t come along easily.  They have to work for these men, and this is challenging and adrenalin pumping.  However, you have to realize that in many situations women who make moves for these guys are with men who already possess a degree of social status.  They may be club doormen, DJs or promoters, or they could be the popular guy of the well known local town.  In easy language, there aren’t many men who can simply act this way and expect hoards of women to be lining up to gain his attention.  Most men need to pro-act with women.

Another justification for avoiding a far right approach is that women are drawn towards men who hold down positive body language and proof they are having a good time.  This doesn’t mean he should have a constant wide grin on his face, but a show of the teeth in conjunction with smirks, seriousness and listening ability should not be overseen.  Women may have instinctive attraction projected onto moody men, but over time they also need to combine this consideration with thoughts of a Sunday afternoon stroll with a person who can listen to her hopes and dreams.  A man with low social interaction cannot take her past thoughts of being with him tomorrow.

It all falls back to the balancing act.  Good guys – men who strike the equilibrium – are hard to locate, because whether people face up to it or not, the vast majority of men are a product of the left biased end.  Women often claim this is not the case due them having less ground for argument that men should do more for them.  It’s difficult to expect more from a population of genuine nice guys, so the invention of a greater quantity of jerks is a must in order to allow them, and other naïve men, to think women always take the rough end of the stick in relationships.

But some good guys are out there.  So as a summary, a man sitting at the far left will fulfill in a woman liking a man, but it will be hard pressed for her to be attracted to him.  Many women will be attracted to men from the far right, but as women have inclinations to settle down sooner rather than later, in relativity to men on a broad scale, and even if this isn’t with a man who optimizes her sexual impulses, they do realize total apathetic men have a limited shelf life.

The side a man throws his hat on is always relative to his physical attractiveness and other sexual market value metrics, alongside the interface with the actual woman herself, in terms of knowing exactly where to pitch on the line of extreme apathy or engagement.  For example, a very good looking man with personality, charisma and knowledge women would need to lean slightly to the left side of middle.  This is only true because nearly all women see a man of this calibre as unattainable, and an aloof attitude will only further distance him from their insecurities.  But as 99% of men fall below this looks grade, the big money is towards leaning to the right side of centre.  Somewhere near 65% to 70% to the right should be wear a man lands the cap.

Women need to be challenged, but they also need incremental care, love, affection and reassurance of their worthiness to the world.  Too much, and she believes she can do better.  Too little, and she senses a time when her man is drifting away.  Some women, prideful of their self-importance and eager to protect their egos, often take a reluctant decision to jettison from the relationship if they sense that a man could dive in before first.  When all said and done, women tend to do the dumping once men are satisfied with the pumping.

Women’s weird choices

“Aim low, and you’ll achieve safe satisfaction at best.

Shoot high, and the world is yours for the taking.”

Subconsciously, I think my observations towards the dynamics of strangely matched couples in visual terms came about near to when I was old enough to start dating in serious terms myself.  In fact, it would have started before this time in my life.  When I recollect the number of pretty girls at school with ugly, smelly, dirty (but perhaps high social profile) boys, it could well have commenced prior to 13 candles founded in my birthday cake.

Needless to say, the mismatches were, in 9 cases out of 10 back then, a vision of cute girl with mediocre looking boy.  As time went on, and in view of today, this visual imbalance occurrences is of a similar ratio – where the woman is better looking than the man.  In the rare cases where you will see a man as the better looking figure, there are 3 usual possibilities:

• A very good looking man with a cute (but not hot) woman.  This is partly due to cute women being at least 10 fold more common than hot female counterparts, but more down to the undeniable fact that hot women do not like the uncomfortable feeling it brings in being with a man of equal or greater physical allure relativity.
• A low confident average looking man with a woman even less blessed than him.  These moments do not strike up much notice from the watching public, because it isn’t as if they are struck by him in the first place.  Nevertheless, his lacking of confidence, combined with the need for an easy (yet uninspiring) life, results in this collision. 
• Couples above the age of 40.  This pattern only further magnifies and pronounces as the years go by from this milestone.  Simply put, women physically age quicker and worse than men.  So, on the basis the couple are of similar age, if the woman was the more impressive at 20, 25, 30 or even 35, this gap decreases for every passing year.  Once 40 strikes, the man in this bond often becomes the “better looking” out of the two.

As I’ve documented on this blog, if judged objectively with no agenda or ego attached to your grading, you will do well to see a good looking man with anything below an average looking woman half a dozen times in a lifetime.  With the inverse scenario – hot woman alongside a mediocre or worse man – and you could see the same number in a matter of days.

A stand-out moment

There was one particular Sunday evening about 6 years ago that still stays with me to this day.  I met my brother at a pub style restaurant to catch up and take a bite to eat.  Sat on the table next to us was a woman who looked about 28, and she possessed a pretty face, a decent shaped body, and clean, straight dark hair.  She was a solid 8/10 in physical attractiveness. 

The man with her had the shaven/receding hair going on.  He was slightly muscular induced, but not in a good way as could be seen by his beer gut and wobbly chin fat.  He was facially average at best, and when the two of them stood up, she was a couple of inches taller than him.  Granted, this could have been her heels platforming above him, but he was no taller than 5ft 8 inches.  In any case, a 6.25/10 rating is the best I could give him.  He looked 5 to 7 years older than her.

On the same table sat two children.  I’d say the daughter was about 13, and this age estimate would be backed up by the annoying habit of her sitting for the whole hour looking down at a mobile phone with no effort to talk.  The son was 2 or 3 years younger, and he sent all conversation in the direction of his father. 

There was no chemistry at all between the two kids and the woman.  All I could see was the man trying to keep everyone from scratching the other’s eyes out, in the way any man appears to do so when it involves his children from previous endeavours, and his new girlfriend.  Does this sound familiar to anyone?  One minute he is sucking up to his loved one, the next moment unsuccessfully checking to see if the youngsters are behaving appropriately.  Make no mistake about it, she was not the mother here.

But to cap it all off, when the waitress brought the bill, guess who paid for it?  Her!  This was the part that totally broke my stride.  Usually, this is the bargain in events of this kind.  He upgrades to gain her beauty, and in return she receives gestures like a free meal.  For the record, they walked off hand in hand, so nothing greater than visual conspicuous differences, it so seemed.

The reasons

I’m most certainly no stranger in seeing, or understanding, why women choose lesser looking men.  Posts within this blog will more than give evidence to these imbalances.  I’m fully aware that provisioning capabilities, charisma, attitude and status can bridge the gap to allow a man in upgrading.  I further know, and believe this is an even stronger reason, that female high egoism, high insecurities, low trust levels and low confidence issues play an even greater part to why they will take a less visually admired man as a longer term partner. 

Pre-selection,and the draw of being a father and ex-husband, also plays a major role in female projected attraction onto men.  The proof of his love from another woman, combined with the challenge to prove she is a “greater” woman than his ex, add the competitive emotional needs that many women, sadly, thrive on.  Women who deny this, in justification that their peers who act in this way are bad people, should be very carefully watched.  Every woman has a price to defeat her morals, pride and integrity, and when the right man comes along, all this is thrown out of the window if it means securing him.

But in this particular case, I can only draw to one conclusion.  Was it his looks?  No.  Was it his physical security?  Based on his lack of height, no.  Money?  I doubt it, although you could say he was a genius in making her show investment in him by picking up the food cheque.  Style?  Definitely not from what was seen that night.  Positive body language and firm attitude?  Well, not in the way he was acting in trepidation of her happiness.  His shoulders seemed to slouch too as he walked off.  Status?  Hard to know for sure, but it’s not like flocks of people were asking for his autograph.  Interaction strategy/game/knowledge of red pill/female emotional psychology?  Come on!!

No, when it boils down to it, some women just don’t like to be left on the shelf.  A woman of 28, even though still physically attractive enough to go toe to toe with her younger competitors, will not like the knowledge that time is ticking on, that friend by friend appear like they have met the man of their dreams (which is clearly rarely the case, but women are naïve by only believing through blinkered eyes if their friend exploits her “happiness”), and most importantly, that the outside world thinks she is not important or valuable.  When this is the outcome, and it is far more common with women as they get past 25, they may just be inclined to settle for what comes first.  In this case, maybe this low calibre man just so happened to roll his dice on the right number at the right time.

A final thought

As stated above, pre-selection and past female confirmation of love is a huge draw for men in respect to attracting other women.  It really cannot be underestimated.  However, an important lesson can be taken on board by men and women alike when considering the anecdote in this post.

You may have noted that this particular occasion was on a Sunday evening.  When relationships fail and children were birthed, by vast majority men will have access to see their kids at the weekend only.  Occasionally, he may pick them up from school once in the week. Sometimes this limited access will be due to the woman being a bitch when settlement contracts were devised, but it can also be a consequence of male fatherhood apathy and appetite too.  Either way, the man almost always has more time to himself than the woman.

If all else is equal, and although women feed positively off men with children in the opposing way that men negatively look upon women who are mothers from previous times, it is no mean coincidence that the fact non-biological kids are not there 24/7 acts as an aid to assist a relationship of this kind when the man is a current father.  The new woman will only need to see the little shits – shits who are no responsibility to her – on rare occasions within the week.  Flip the coin, and a sucker man taking on a woman with kids from a previous fella will do well to not fall over toys when he is making the tea.  Simply put, the novelty wears off much quicker when it becomes a nature of secondary habits.

Lucky for current mothers, most men who take you on will, despite what you say or think, be stricken with options in the sexual market.  The reason he is with you is because he believes he can do no better.  If any man was put on a lie detector and asked the question to which identical twin sister he would prefer, with one being a mother and the other being single, who do you honestly think he would choose?

P.s.  See you in a few weeks.  I’m off down under for a short while….

Weekend morning gym girls

“If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”

(Anthony Robbins)

Something that always brings a rise smile to my face is the demeanour and body language of women when they walk into the gym once kitted out.  I’m not talking about positive emotion on my part in view of attractive sites either.  Sure, there is the usual 1% to 2% who do catch my eye, but by and large it isn’t a lot better in beauty stakes than walking the streets or entering any other social venue, outside of weekend bars and clubs when the benchmark raises a little.  And as a guy who has been a member of the same “health centre” for over half a dozen years, I have to add that the standard of women has slowly decreased year on year.

With isolated exceptions, these women strike up common trends in their nervous approach to the first exercise machine.  Whether hefty or slim, pale or dark, pretty, plain or ugly, the traits of self-consciousness, insecurity, trepidation and fear (yet false belief) that everyone is looking on at them are all there and clear to see.  Like usual, women will get away with these deficient mannerisms, because men are born in vast proportion with innate and developed mindsets to idolize one so great who sports a hole between her groin regions.

Why are women so anxious when striding into the gym?  Why do they look down at their IPods or phone if walking in alone?  Why do they appear far more comfortable when in female or boyfriend company?  I offer you these main 3 explanations:

• Women are natural followers.  Very few are born leaders or formed with confidence to stride on without a care to external social observations or opinion.  With this in mind, the gym will be the most prominent social venue in a living week where they rarely have a shoulder lean to on for safety in numbers security.  When a bird flies alone when usually accustomed to a flock of companions, the uncomfortable feeling this manifests brings about an unnatural way of acting, when in turn it should be a subconscious care-free delivery.
• Women are concerned about what the outside world thinks of their existences.  Nothing illustrates this more than a requirement of social validation.  Why do you think they unofficially fight amongst themselves to who can attain the most social network “friends” or “like” comments?  Again, lonesome identity can leave them in fear of how everyone perceives their level of importance.
• Fat and overweight girls can’t hide the flab.  Pale girls are unable to, in realistic terms, lay a load of foundation on their layers after a day at work to conceal the pasty reflection.  Cute and hot girls, whilst standing out in relativity, will look mediocre in comparison to their dolled up appearance for the office or a night out.  In all cases, self-doubts will never be more susceptible than the hour long cardio, weights or flex activities.

The gym is not a great place to pick up women, and the barriers mainly fall at the feet of reasons as highlighted.  Add on the shield of headphones in their ears, and the challenge for even the greatest pick up expert will be a tough one.  I’ve had a decent (at best) hit record in taking things further with girls I like in the gym, and it has marginally outweighed my success rate in bars or clubs over recent years.  That said, in a typical month I will attend the gym 10 times more than a busy bar where women worth having are to be seen, therefore similar to anything else, the numbers game for opportunities will not lie.  A hit rate is also relevant to how high, or low, a man’s standards in women are.

So if women are at unease in the gym in general terms, you can bet your last pound sterling that this negative emotion will further magnify at the weekend.  Elevate it one step further still if it is at an early hour.  “What will people think of me if they see me in a gym at 9am on a Saturday or Sunday!?   Will they think I have no social life or no man who loves me?”  Heaven forbid, the world will end won’t it…

Nevertheless, there are times when some cute and hot women will be seen in a gym at the crack of dawn, irrespective to it being in the week or during the weekend.  For those hungry guys on the lookout, expect her to fall into any of these 3 categories:

No Boyfriend Girl

As many of these women will be girl’s girls, a reasonable percentage of early morning female gym attendees will be absent of a male lapdog partner.  A girl’s girl craves for a man to be alongside every bit as much as her boyfriend validation peers, but as she is infamous for raising a much higher bar for men to jump over (until she becomes older and less physically attractive, hence less options, equals less choosy), she is less inclined to settle for guy who makes her feel indifferent. 

Although women in this compartment as explained above are paranoid to how the planet perceives them, over and above any other character genre of female, they are the most dedicated to look good and keep in shape.  If you put these two factors together, an early morning workout, with few people around to collide with in drawing conclusions that she is an unwanted woman, ticks both boxes.

Of course, less sought after women will also be in the gym queue before the bell rings. These women care very little to how they look, as they have given up all hope of meeting the man of their dreams.  Men within their grasp – lower calibre men – will not look down at her due to the get out of bed look that greets him.  He will be grateful to have a dime on his dick with any walking vagina.

Girlfriend of Top Man

Women love men who act as they shall please.  Women’s egos despise these men, but by no mean coincidence, they always go hunting and running back to them.  Simply put, a top quality man will, with incremental gestures, affection and illustrations of love displayed, put himself first.  If this means meeting his buddies early doors in order to get a good workout fulfilled, this is what he shall do.  

Ironically, compare this with the typical man.  He meets a woman, becomes infatuated, drops all his routines that quite possibly include early gym sessions, and wastes away into a male form of an over-exerting and under-appreciated sucker.  Great for a woman’s ego and feedback to her friends, but unforgiving to his medium and longer term prospects. 

When a woman is dating a man who continues with his early dates of social habits – whether that is the gym, football or overnight recovery from misdemeanours – the woman in this bond will try as hard as possible to stay attractive in maintaining his interest.  Early morning gym expeditions are the answer, in hope he will have time to see her later.

Woman unsatisfied with boyfriend

If the first two groups – single women or happy attached women – are transparent in clarification, the final group is a more grey area.  That said, it is quite likely the most common, as most women do have boyfriends such is the necessity to at least prove to the watching public that they are worthy to this earth.  But a woman who is seen at the gym doors in dark morning light or sunrise time will likely be underwhelmed with the current man in her life.

Think about it.  Most men are beta males, they will do anything to stay overnight with their female partner, and for as long as possible the next morning.  These men who are option-stricken, clingy, jealous, untrusting and possessive (as most men are) will want to keep tracks on her every move.  Women who idolize the high quality man they are with will do likewise in terms of wanting to spend as much time as possible with him.  So the question begs: why would a woman go to the gym at the crack of dawn?   

The easy answer is that, like most women suffering from good feeling depletion and simultaneous irritation with the companionship of their better halves, they are on the lookout for something better.  One of the objectively best looking women I have seen in the gym some 18 months ago typified this occurrence.  She started as an early Saturday sweater, and this soon moved over to Sundays.  After I made my intrigued advances, she continued with this routine for a few weeks.  It turned out she had been dating a guy for 6 months, yet she was moving away without him and venturing on a summer holiday with her friend.  She further added that prior to her current boyfriend, she had been in a relationship of 4 years.  I could sense the torch she still held for the ex.  To me, the current boyfriend had “stop-gap” written all over him.

Q-tip 1:

You can sense a lot in how enamoured a woman is with her male partner from her facial expression.  When you see a ray of light on the face, there is a strong chance she is genuinely in love and sexually satisfied.  If there is an irritable and uncontrollable force that acts to produce the world’s problems on her shoulders, the big money is on her impending departure, a feeling of nothing more than content, or a need to hire a gun and shoot his next wrong move that will supply her with jettison justification.

Q-tip 2:

Some cute and low end hot women will start to kit out differently in the gym once they have met a beta male boyfriend.  What was once exploitation of her toned legs and body in the form of sporting high shorts and a tight vest, almost overnight turns to a baggy t-shirt and covering much of the waist down skin.  Women will have a hard time explaining this sudden transformation, probably substantiating with weak reasoning of the gym being too cold.  When women take this more conservative option, yet the actual body is still roughly in the same shape as it has always been, you can place a fair assumption on it being a case of trying to convince her mind that she is now that bit more mature, and this “maturity” is emblematic in her new dress code.  Deep down, she is clinging onto vain hope that this new image and life alongside a safe (but low in demand) boyfriend is what will make her happy.

Post Valentine’s Day thoughts

“Watch, learn, sense, experience, contemplate, reflect and act;

all aspects of your life that should take precedence over what you hear.”

The beauty of life is that hardly anything stays the same for a sustained period of time.  Careers, work colleagues, friendships, animosities, hobbies, promises, resolutions, ambitions and dreams are just some of the events we go through that take crossroads off the high road we once envisaged.  When it comes to relationships with the opposite sex, nothing epitomizes change more than this one element to our busy existences.  When it derives to women’s evaluation of heterosexual intimate relationships, this intensity of change compounds further still.

As mentioned more than a couple of times on this blog, a high percentage of women lay claim to the fact that they are the big losers in the sexual market.  They will justify in reason of having far more emphasis to look, and stay, in preserved physical attractiveness shape in order to maintain the interest of their male partner.  They will state that, as a by-product of this requirement, men eventually cheat on them and this is why it comes to an end.  Once settled down, they will abide by the substantiation that their husbands, fiancés or boyfriends were equally, if not more, proactive in desiring to bring children into the world.  Once the kid is birthed, many women retrospectively forecast their careers have been put on hold to cater for motherhood.  And when the inevitable divorce occurs, they think the situation in economic terms leaves them worse off than before they met the guy.

Before you sweethearts and lapdogs fall for the sob story and have the tissues at the ready, allow me to place some magical spray of reality into the ocean of female tragic life.  I’ll answer in order of the above:

• It is more important for a woman to physically look good to attract the opposite sex than the need for men to be physically alluring to women.  However, this task contributes >90% of all a woman needs to do, as men primarily and almost single-handedly assess female attractiveness and desirability on this isolated factor.  On the other hand, women produce a tick list longer than their arm for men to meet.
• Some men do cheat, and often this will be a case of no longer finding their female partner sexually attractive.  Nevertheless, never forget that women initiate more than 2/3s of divorces.  Pre marriage, and most notably with women younger than 30, and this female jettison figure will be higher.  So on a cross section basis, women are 3 times more likely to depart from the relationship than men.  Oh, and men file for divorce on infidelity grounds more than women, in percentage terms.
• If put on lie-detectors, it would be categorically clear to see that women are more proactive than men in wanting children.  In a western world where the contraceptive pill is dished out like hay in the plough season, many women still become pregnant (and have the kid), despite the incredibly low percentage chances if using this form of contraception properly, through jerks and losers they barely knew.  So don’t try telling me that men crave for children as much as women.  Millions of men have children because they were either manipulated into it – hence unplanned or not consented - or they went against their better wishes in fear of losing the women they love.
• If some women do need to put their careers on hold, and only a tiny proportion of women have a true professional position that backs up this consensus, then why have children in the first place?  Further to this, companies are so susceptible to having their balls fired if sexism or discrimination is sniffed, therefore nearly all women have the opportunity to re-enter at the same level and role.  But she wants to see her children grow up and take them to nursery beyond the 12 month maternity period!  Life just isn’t fair, is it?
• How many women can honestly say they are worse off from a financial perspective than prior to meeting their hubbies?  Very few, will be the honest answer.  I can’t think of many women who join up in a relationship where they stack all the cash into a wedding, house and holidays, and the man ends up running away with more than he started with.  If this is the rare scenario, then get a contract signed up front to protect your interests.  Yes, a woman may not be as well off in in the aftermath of a divorce than during happy days, but you can place a fair bet on her being no worse off than before they locked hands for the first time.

The Valentine’s lonely hearts club

In spite of all the topics I write about, I take no pleasure in seeing anyone in the world unhappy.  For people who have yet to experience tragic events, or those who struggle to find true perspective, I would expect nothing makes a person ask more questions about the fairness in their life than being single on Valentine’s Day.  When I saw a few sad faces at the gym last Saturday morning, it did bring a slight air of sympathy on my part.

Although many will play the big man verbal game of loving the life of freedom, most men will not take kindly to being single on this day of romantic celebrations.  They simply deal with it better, in comparison to women, as the male mind does not come anywhere close to the validation necessities in showing the world that somebody loves them.  Men will also have many more pastimes to take part in on that particular day, and they are not jealous of their male mates being unavailable like women are envious of their female friends being spoilt by and snugged up with a sucker boyfriend.  The biggest problem to a man’s single status on Valentine’s Day is the thought of no guaranteed lay.

Flip the coin, and a woman bases her whole self-importance on confirmation that a man loves the portrait of her existence.  As most women lack solid and genuine friendships, an array of hobbies or a satisfied career, they will allow their minds to believe everyone is judging them on whether a man values their identity in the world.  If you ever see more than a few decent looking women with total loser looking men around February 14^th, don’t be frightened to conclude this female trepidation of lonesome activity is the main factor.  Any guy beats no guy, right?

Conquering Valentine’s attachments

If you are like me, and you have spent more than half your adult life by not sending Valentine’s Day cards and associated presents, well I could call you incredibly smart.  As most men aren’t that savvy, and the reasons for absent female company on this monumental date is through other reasons, I would tend to think there may be a good number of women who you wish weren’t with a certain guy, and in result she was with you.  Fear not for today, as tomorrow opens up a new chapter.

It’s never a coincidence that around early February many women will have been dating a man for the 2 to 3 month period.  November is notorious for women to start the ball rolling in the way of projected Christmas presents, New Year’s Eve dates and Valentine’s Day flowers.  I’ve always said that it isn’t at all difficult for a woman to find a man.  What is far, far more challenging is for a woman to locate a man she deeply desires to be with. 

If there are tell-tale signs that a woman is indifferent with her Valentine, and relationships are your ultimate goal, this is your time to strike.  She will have bled his generosity, efforts, idolization and genuine motives dry, and whilst he is walking past travel agents in hope the two of them could be strolling along a sunny beach afar in the summer, she is simultaneously devising a way to let him down gently whilst still holding onto her integrity.  Simply put, she will want to dump him in a manner that makes out it is not her fault.

So in essence, the end finishes with the beginning.  Women are rarely victims in the sexual market.  By and large, women do the selecting, and women also do the dumping.  Up to the age of around 35, the average value of a woman in the dating field is greater than the male age equivalence.  This is only true because of the vast numbers of desperate and mediocre men nesting like ants breeding around sugar in the first warm day of spring, but true it is all the same.  This unavoidable occurrence manifests to allow women to have more power.

If you can stand out as a man, and this is by no means only confined to physical stature, you will quite easily be the guy she sits opposite during next Valentine’s Day.  Women, especially aided by today’s hypergamous mentality, are always on the lookout for a better male option.  So many settle for below their potential to avoid being alone on days as those mentioned.  This is why guys like me will often see women past their best looking over in my direction, considering the choice they made years ago.  Making a safe choice, or the wrong choice, will usually come back to haunt them.

Fifty Shades of Grey outcome

“Sometimes even low expectations disappoint further still.”

If you are one of the many millions who plans to venture off in blind faith to see the blockbuster of the century, and in turn you are someone who detests a clue or two on the script, I’d advise you to read this post another time.  What I can say is that by reading this prior to the big event, it will neither ignite nor reduce your “enjoyment” of the film.

The film critics were always going to be waiting with baited breath once their premiere viewing was available pre mainstream release, and being the experts of their trade, many of them may even had decided up front that Fifty Shades of Grey would be an overwhelming failure.  Film critics are prominent in attempts to convince the Joe Blogs cinema visitor that they know everything there is to know about any particular genre.  When one so anticipated is on offering, their teeth only further gain appetite like a Great White Shark sensing sea lion blubber after a week-long famine.   

Nevertheless, for those who were critical, whether in pre-conceived or post objective manner, they would have been right.  Entertainment will always be subjective, but when even women – many who would have raved on about the book content over recent years - walk out of the theatre looking somewhat perplexed and disappointed, I think this tells you everything you need in order to conclude.  You have to wonder how the relevant directors, producers, actors or anyone else involved in the making of the film stand around when looking back on their work.  Do these folk high-five each other, in total ignorance, comprehensive that the record attendee figures will consequently collate due to the bullet proof status the film attains when encountered by shooting journalism snipers?  Let it be said, the Fifty Shades of Grey movie is truly and shockingly awful.

The real life truisms in the film

I went to see the movie for amusement, entertainment, but most of all, as an intrigued viewer of sexual and emotional dynamics in relation to the topics I write about.  I also held strong desires to see, with no bias or agenda attached, how it stacked up against this post written a few weeks ago.  In terms of the reality versus fallacy face off that any film will encounter, I will give it a decent rating on the following basis:

• A woman (Ana) is far more fascinated by the aura, achievements, success and status of the man (Christian Grey) than his physical attractiveness.
• A man showing a strong level of apathy towards a woman in primary interaction only further increases her projected attraction onto him.
• When a man holds far more sexual market value than a woman, he needs to illustrate a degree of interest in the woman he wants to bang.  This was seen in Ana’s interview, where Grey started to ask questions about her.
• Intrigue, mystique and a refrained urge to reveal too much about himself will only have positive results on a woman’s sexual predilections.  Men who show their cards too soon, too excessively and too blatantly are the men who dry female underwear without the need of a tumble dryer.
• Women are far happier and invested when they chase the man, but their egos and prides (especially with women younger than 35) usually stand in the way of carrying this out.  With this in mind, and despite all his blessings, Grey still needed to incorporate the pre sex stage proactivity.
• Women love a dominant man who is a leader in as many directives as possible.
• Women love a man who is selfish and puts himself first.
• Women love a man who knows what he wants, who is only prepared to compromise to a point, and who acknowledges, without actually saying the words, that she is fortunate to be with him.  A man doesn’t need to be good looking and a billionaire to carry this simple task out.
• Nice guys – like Ana’s college friend – who smile too broadly, act too happily, and produce suck up ways towards a woman’s existence, stand no chance when the target woman has options and is at a younger age.  Ana is cute but no oil painting, yet her 7/10 looks rating, combined with her early 20s freshness, will always produce plenty of options in the dating field.  It isn’t until this equivalent woman gets older and less eye catching that she will settle for low in demand nice guys like who supplicate and make her feel special to the world.
• Grey, especially in the early stages of their interaction, but beyond this too, barely ever smiles in the presence of Ana.  Her subconscious smiles and giggles outweigh his isolated exhilaration by 10:1 in number.  In general terms, this is exactly how a man should facially express – slight moodiness, apathetic consideration, but with occasional smirks.  He hardly ever smiles with his teeth showing.  Again, only when she tries to get closer – hence proof of her investment in him – does he repay with a more gleeful look.
• A man will be far more prudent in showing very little emotional investment in a woman until they are in a sexual relationship.  It is far easier to keep a woman interested by maintaining her pursued attempts to find a way into his heart, rather than to know she has him in the palm of her hands from day one.  If men who spend too much time, effort, money and emotion on a woman can relate to never actually sleeping with her, or only receiving a bare minimum that is not in tandem with the exertion,  go and watch the film for this reason alone.
• Men who remain in women’s minds and hearts are men who are selfish towards their own sexual requirements.  Women’s egos like men who make love, but women’s vaginal beats like a man who prioritizes his own needs and relinquishments with sex on his terms.
• A fertile man’s ideal woman closely aligns with the contract that Grey assigns to Ana.  That is, he primarily wants her as a sex object and only holds desires to spend companion time to a minimum.  Even the literal side by side sleeping together he states as a non-abiding clause is a hassle, because you always sleep better on your own.  Nearly any man would sign up to this if he acquired such luxury.  Most men don’t, so they take the full package of the woman in hope the sex remains.
• Men with low options become clingy and possessive.  Despite Grey’s fairytale life of the man who has it all, his unconventional sexual needs allow his mind to believe Ana is the only woman in the world who will abide by the rules.  This “oneitis” mentality relinquishes much of his power in the relationship, and it gets to the point where he is pursuing her and she has him more on a stick.  Any man harbouring ambitions to be successful with women should view them as interchangeable.

All the above points may lead you to believe the film does hold down a level of credibility.  I guess, from a red pill, emotional/relationship psychology and interaction strategy (game) standpoint, it does give men rowing against the tide with respect to luck with women a few tips to the real world (hence not what women tell you) outcomes. 

The audience

I predicted that most women would not go to see Fifty Shades with their male partners.  It turns out I was a touch conservative on this hunch of mine. 

The first thing that surprised me was, of an approximate 400 seated capacity, it was barely half full.  This was despite it being at prime evening time on the first UK public showing date.  When I looked around, I only saw one other man in the vicinity.  I’m sure there were others, but the bulk crowd was made up of women in their late 30s and 40s.  There were a couple of decent looking younger women who accompanied their mothers, but by and large it was clear to see that this particular audience consisted of the typical female purchaser who fascinated over the book version.

These women, whether they admit it or not, appeared a little awkward from what I could sense in the vibe.  Sure, in the early stages they carried out the usual troll scoring “look at his hot bod” comments followed by a few “get in on” kind of chants during the first sex scene, yet it was undeniable and unavoidable to see how the mood sedated as the film developed.   

Part of me thinks their somber mood was down to the fact that Dakota Johnson has a trim and toned body.  The amount of times she got naked almost bored me, so goodness knows how the average overweight woman would feel looking on.  I tend to think, that as a reader of a hard-back copy, a woman can allow her mind to flow with the fairies and visualize she is the woman being taken to another planet by the endearing high status alpha male.  A film changes this fascination, because the perennial British hefty whale, trying to act out the lead role in her own mind, will see a female body that is a dietary wholesale modification from her own. 

The other critical part to the film is that women actually saw Grey’s sexual experimentations rather than imaging it.  Again, they will have ascertained an idea from the book with regards to the relative equipment he uses, but I sensed a transition from arousal to shame as the film moved from the first minute to the last.  It was almost cringe worthy during the last sex scene when he spanked her across the arse as hard as possible for six times.  There is a fine line between optimized arousal and a woman coming across as cheap, and this particular part of the film most certainly crossed over to the latter.  As I’ve documented in this blog before, most modern day women will take care of their egos ahead of their hearts and sexual thoughts.  If a woman sees this, I would place big money on her on taking a distaste to the reality.

The outcome?  

So after seeing the two hour long debacle, I come away from it with conclusions of tackiness, truisms and one scripted bundle of dog poo.  The lead cast, whilst not offering breathtaking performances, carried out their roles as best fitted the directives.  Even from a man’s perspective, and no man will ever know everything in the bedroom, I remember thinking how I couldn’t be bothered with all the props and preparation Grey put into his pre penetration satisfaction.  At the end of the day, any ejaculation with the same woman will pretty much always feel the same, so if you ask me, why go to all that time wasting effort?

But more pertinent to me is the outcome of how women will move on from this film.  Prior to watching, I thought it would make a large share of them ask questions to whether they should have selected more edgy guys like Grey when they were in their prime beauty years, as opposed to the safe choice made with the current husband, fiancé or boyfriend.  Having now seen the film, I think it crossed over that little bit too far.  It will conceivably leave them thinking they are worth more than being a piece of meat.  My better judgment tells me that many will now avoid the sequel.  Although they may only feel contentment or indifference with their current partners, they may just live in some air of reassurance that the flight will always be of steady air traffic.

Men’s high status cannot disguise low self-esteem

“You can fool a million fools, but there is always one you won’t fool.”

A reader asks for an opinion on the following based on this past post:

''If he shows jealous or supplicated traits, especially if this involves derogatory comments towards her closest ones, she will only see this in a negative light''

This reminds me of the song Jealous.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yw04QD1LaB0

What are your thoughts on Nick Jonas? He has fame, money, his girlfriend (the girl in the above video) is former Miss Universe.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e646VOmNn_4&t=6m57s
Heres another of him performing, notice she turned her head, what do you think were her thoughts at that moment?
Can he get away with supplication and jealousy because of his value?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bHhn4vJZls&t=30s
Here is an interview, notice he doesn't make much eye contact with the girls and he looks down a lot, you might think he would be relaxed in the presence of women who are less attractive than his, he even says he is not a good dancer, my guess hes not good in bed either. I think he has a lot inhibition and insecurity. 
I think Nick Jonas is a special case because on paper he has everything a guy could possibly want, but at the same time its almost like deep down he thinks he dont deserve her.

My response:

I vaguely remember the Jonas 3-piece brother group from a few years ago, but that's about all.  I can only go by what my gut instincts and experience of human behaviour tell me from the links you posted.

My peripheral vision tells me Jonas looks nervous and perhaps a touch intimidated and overwhelmed when higher profile stars are in the same environment.  This is only a problem in attracting women of similar level status (hence female singers, actresses, etc).  They will pick up on his lack of confidence and be repelled from him and, as a consequence of his apparent weakness, onto more edgy men.  But as for the other 99.999% of regular women, male high status can cloud his supplication and jealousy because it is the main draw in attracting the female hunger for vicinity/relationships. 

Note to above:

Beyond initial attraction, high status will not necessarily act as the main pulling point in locking down women, and it is by no means the greatest sexual arousal cue.

As for his girlfriend (former Miss Universe), I find this slightly surprising.  If she was just a very hot woman off the street who looked like her, then the maths would work out.  There are a 100 hot women like her in Hollywood for every famous guy like Nick Jonas, so naturally he would be a good catch from her perspective.  But her profile surely gives access to higher status men than him - who are not so timid - therefore I find this a little conspicuous.  Just a thought, but is it a case of links between their agents/management companies, forming a celebrity set-up relationship that will sell a few columns and raise profiles before the inevitable end?

The head turn she makes when he approaches her shows me the emblem of a woman who is far more in it for herself than the man she is “in love with”.  It is a common scene all so familiar and clear to see.  Her reaction is so unnatural.  How can one second a genuine acting woman turn her head, only to be followed by the fake “my heart is beating” gesture?  This move was contrived every bit as much the relationship.

As for the interview, well I'm not too concerned about the lack of eye contact he makes.  For one, they are positioned awkwardly either side of him, so moving his neck around with effort isn't worth the hassle.  Second, if he was acting with cockiness, attitude and couldn't give a crap demeanour, a shortage of eye contact will actually endear him to many women.  Whilst more than decent looking, it’s not like he is blessed with film star looks, so he doesn’t need to act with more attainability and vulnerability traits in the celebrity circles at least. 

I’d like to see him give more flirty answers and sexual innuendos when asked certain questions by the, as you allude to, nothing more than above average looking women.  There was more than one opportunity to do this, and women love this kind of male character who doesn’t care what women think to his thoughts, when used selectively.  He could have teased them and given indirect answers that leave the two women, and more importantly the mass female population, guessing what is behind the mask of mystique. 

But his answers correlate with his awkward face and body language.  Jonas doesn’t appear to be comfortable in the limelight, and it seems to me he is emblematic of the guy at work who has taken a promotion with reluctant and obligated emotions.  I guess some former boy band members like Justin Timberlake are simply born to go it alone with effortless comfort, ease and expertise.  Others are perhaps more genetically made up from the safety in numbers mentality.      

To re-iterate, what would concern me more is his anxious look.  Sure, some girls may be saying it is so sweet to see him act in vulnerable ways, but these will only be the less attractive women or females leading with their egos.

And the female ego leads appropriately onto the last point.  Like movies and romantic novels, you will see a very high percentage of songs that are themed towards building up the mass viewer’s (hence women) self-centred thoughts.  A song that illustrates jealousy shows how much he must love her and how important she is to the world.  A simultaneous head swell and dry knickers for a woman is a recipe for disaster with regards to a sex seeking man.  Puke!

Coincidentally, along with male artists writing about how lucky he is to have her, how she is above his league, how he longs to be with her, and portraying her as the only girl in the world – all words that make a woman feel better about life but conceal what women truthfully desire – the next most popular theme is for female artists to write about men cheating on them and acting badly.  Lay down the sob story and handkerchief, quickly after the tears from “I knew nothing about his reputation” or “I hate men like this” justifications. 

Q-tip:

Women may not like the feeling of pragmatically being cheated on, but they sure love the thought of a man carrying out infidelity.  Because a man who can cheat, or even does cheat, is a man who has full proof of another woman’s love and desire.  So when women who take back cheating men complain about these guys, they only have themselves to blame.  Simply put, if less women forgave these adulterating men – men who are far lower in number than women attempt to proclaim – fewer men would cheat.

So here you have it - men writing mainly about idolizing women, and women writing about being broken-hearted by the wanted (in real life - rare wanted) men.  In reality, >80% of men are the beta males who put women first in any way, shape or form.  Women, who venture into these bonds and marry these unwanted but safe men, initiate 3 out of 4 relationship departures.  Often they will leave their giving and providing men for the kinds of jerks who were slagged off in female artist records.  Do you see the disconnect between what the mass population believe is politically correct, against what the actual outcome is?

Acknowledgements

www.youtube.com