Thursday, 16 May 2019

Men going out solo: the pros and cons

“The amount of company someone attains isn’t necessarily a reflection of popularity.
It is more often a symbol of low-confidence and inhibition.”

Men’s, and women’s, friendships with the same gender fragment in number, solidarity, loyalty and reliability as they get older.  There may be a small percentage of people who claim the opposite, but most honest people will agree with me.  Time is precious to everyone, but over time you simply have less time to dedicate to others outside.  This even includes your loved ones.  You could argue that the diminishment of disposable time as we become older causes us to also be more selfish, and the two factors often go hand in hand.

This isn’t so much a criticism to anyone as much as an observation and acceptance of reality.  I class myself as one of the most loyal and reliable folk out there, but even I would put my hand on heart and confess to becoming far more selfish as each year has passed by, although a large part may be the consequence of being a cancer survivor, in conjunction with possessing less free time due to work commitments and progression.  Pure and simple, a rude awakening forces a person to be more selfish and evaluate who actually gives a crap about you and who wouldn’t piss on you if on fire when they walked past.  When the evaluation has been actioned, you distribute your time out accordingly. 

Only the other night, a few of us had arranged to go out for few drinks and catch up.  We only tend to do this every couple of months at best.  I’d informed all the other men of this date at least six weeks prior, and they all agreed it was a firm arrangement.  Two weeks prior to the night, I texted a reminder.  One of them backed out as he had to babysit his little boy (not sure what his fat ass wife was doing, but that’s another story).  No problem I thought, although it did make me wonder when he would have informed me had I not prompted.  A day before the night, another one started to have reservations, and he never text me one way or the other the next day.  The final man, on the morning of the event day, claimed he had a dodgy tummy and couldn’t make it.  Maybe he was telling the truth, although I know for a fact all was fine the day before when he ventured on an eight-hour walk. 

At the risk of contradicting myself, it is a fair argument that we are just as selfish when in our peak lifespan of going out – between 18 to 21.  As a younger mind is more self-centred in terms of thinking the world will accommodate our needs and all else is irrelevant, there will be many young people letting others down without an ounce of remorse.  The difference is at that age the social group is much larger, and one or two dropping out has little, or less, consequence on your overall arrangement.  The show goes on, with just a couple less faces to see.

Fast forward five or ten years, and a couple of people dropping out on short notice is pretty much wiping out your plan.  When it happens on an isolated occasion you can cut your losses and put it down to one of those things, but when it gets to the stage when you are half expecting the same old excuses, you start to wonder what’s the point. 

The decision to go out alone

Whether through travelling or working away, I’ve probably gone to bars and restaurants alone hundreds of times.  Whilst I totally commend anyone who cares little for no company in these scenarios, for the purpose of this post I’m discounting both.  This disregarding is only because, to the wider audience, contemplating going out alone to bars and clubs in someone’s local town or city is far more relevant.

Although I’m a person who cares next to nothing about what people think of me, or little about the consequences life throws at me, I still have never gone out alone in my home city of Derby.  I’m a great believer that when taking risks, the reward needs to outweigh the possible results, and as I will allude to below, too many people know me in Derby.  For this reason, last year I went out in the neighbouring city of Nottingham (which is a more vibrant city and has a considerably greater number and percentage of physically attractive women).

This didn’t come without consideration baggage too.  Although not close to the magnitude of Derby, I gradually over the years started to know more people in Nottingham.  I have been involved with more than a few women on a casual basis who live in the city or surrounding area.  But in view of the above explanation with regards to unreliable male friends, it came to a point of natural progression to venture out solo in primary objectives to meet sought after and quality women. 

All this came with mixed fortunes.  I extend on this below:

Advantages 1: You write your own script

One of the big advantages is, in attempt to meet women who strike your eye, you are the master of your own destiny.  When in male groups, some of the others may desire to go to bars you know class women do not locate.  When in a bar, one man may feel more at ease standing nearer more attainable (hence uglier) women than hot female counterparts.  When going out alone, you go and stand where you like.  This saves valuable time and money on wasted locations.

Advantage 2: Leave a venue straight away

As any astute man will tell you, a social or working venue that has a high ratio of men to women is a complete waste of time.  Any half-decent woman receiving attention from desperate men will think she is a level or two above what the mirror tells us.  This makes it twice as hard to gain positive receptiveness from her in comparison to an evenly matched ratio.  When out alone, unlike in a group where the usual decision is to stay on for a drink, you can instantly leave the place.

Advantage 3: Low calibre male friends not being there

Don’t get me wrong, a large part of going out is to catch up with mates and have a laugh.  Nevertheless, any honest man will also concede that, and especially if single, he will be on the lookout for suitable one-night stands, short term flings, or a potential girlfriend.  In the sheer law of averages in life, the reality is a high percentage of your friends will not be confident around women, have very little ability to navigate a conversation around women, and have poor body language and demeanour to suit.  This can, on more than a few occasions, detract rather than attract women.  When alone, you don’t have the hassle of carrying them.  Similarly, if you are on the hunt for a one-nighter yet your friends look and dress older than you, women can’t predict your age as accurately. 

Advantage 4: Portrayed Confidence / Mystique

Women are uncontrollably drawn towards an air of confidence a man can portray.  They are also ignited to a level of mystique – trying to work out what he is about.  A lonesome man standing in a bar, not acting in a timid or shameful way, gives off both offerings.  It’s strange because like me back then, I’d expect there are many late teenage and early 20’s men who think women are attracted to men who hang around in large numbered male groups.  The problem is, this is basically a man who is acting like a woman – with the “safety in numbers” mentality.  It is never a bad time to remind yourself that what a woman feels comfortable in acting out herself, she is unattracted to a man replicating it in the gender opposing way.

Disadvantage 1: Women’s interpreting you are a loner

We live in a world where women require social proof more than ever before, and without the luxury to explain reasons to your sole outing, a decent percentage of women will automatically interpret a man standing alone as a loner.  Such is the female mind that is petrified of any negative the world sees upon her, many women will not entertain getting to know a man who she thinks has no friends.  It’s important to have a good reason ahead of you regarding being alone, no matter how objective or economical to the truth it may be.

Disadvantage 2: Unable to exploit charisma easily

Irrespective to the level of your extroverted or introverted male friends, the big positive in being with male company is the luxury to exploit strong body language, verbal confidence, and listening skills. When a woman is analysing a man interacting with his male buddy, effectively she is weighing up how he would interact with her.  When alone, naturally this is not possible.  Even if you pick up conversation with an unknown group, the level you can positively expose your character is limited due to not having the common ground or talking topics.

Disadvantage 3: Women construing you as a poor socializer

As an add on to 1), once more many women will have concerns you are not someone who has high tolerance with others.  They may think you are a social loser at worst, or someone who falls out easily with others at best.  Again, women are always assessing a man on far more than his looks, and the thought he may be someone who can’t get on with her friends and family may enforce her to dismiss any of your advances.

Disadvantage 4: Assumption you are an extreme player

Some women love players, and they will go out of there way to be with men who they perceive to be this way.  At the end of the day, what sought after woman doesn’t desire to be with a man who is experienced with the female population.  However, and if you are a very good-looking man, if alone, many women will automatically tar you into a bracket of a man who is just out to get laid.  In the world of big female egos, a large percentage of women will dismiss this man in favour of a safer, even if more boring, male suitor. 

A Final Thought

One thing I have learned, and this may or may not apply to other men, is that it is harder for me to motivate myself to get ready and go out when knowing I’m flying solo.  Although I’m totally adversarial to the follower mentality, I guess I do like immediate company, usually in smaller groups, to warm me up.  If I haven’t got this enthusiasm in the first place, I find it hard to gather up momentum as the minutes tick by.  This is all more relevant in colder months.

Nevertheless, this as to be balanced out with the inevitable unreliability of male friends, therefore I’m a firm believer in back up plans.  With all this in mind, I’d conclude as saying going out alone can and does work to your advantage when in the right frame of mind, yet it works against you when feeling half-hearted.  Likewise, going out with company is a safer bet with greater margins.  So in essence, going out alone is high reward versus high risk.

Sometimes you can feel like the world is watching you when venturing out alone.  You need to accept you may be the only person in the room doing so.  Over time and experience though, this feeling isn’t so irritable or conscious, especially if you can manifest a mind of outcome independence and not giving a shit what people generally think of you.  The harder task is eliminating your inner thoughts of what women are thinking about you in absence of any company.

Thursday, 9 May 2019

Women have more non-friends than men

“If you were a man, I’d punch you in the face.”
“If you were a man, you would.”

I remember being 18 years of age and venturing onto my first “lads” holiday.  There were over ten of us that summer who thought we would take on the world, and for a couple more years the group sizes increased.  By the time I reached 22 it dwindled to a group less than half the size of the first vacation.  The following year only three of us signed up.

This process of events won’t be uncommon for many men.  You can’t keep doing this for ever, and nor should you.  Life is about experiences and trying out different things, after all.  Nevertheless, the above explanation symbolizes more than just the natural course of a man’s social life in numbers terms.  The dwindling of numbers is more representative to how most men have an innate mindset to change once they meet a woman at a young age, and the decisions they act upon on the back of this. 

It’s important to note that when I was 18, the whole Instagram and social media whoring – far more accustomed to women of today’s generation than men - had not taken off.  The ratio of men to women at these tacky holiday resorts, or local town/city nights out generally, was at least two to one.  This ratio enlarged for every hour that passed as the night progressed - women leave the scene, men stay on in hope to get laid.   The groups of men tended to be of at least six in quantity as an average, and to the naked eye the likewise female group would be no more than four. 

Although I can’t comment today with regards to the overseas group holiday locations (I haven’t taken part on one for many years), things have changed drastically based on my firm observations when on a UK city night out.  Whilst the ratio of men to women is still as a minimum two to one, the male groups are considerably smaller in number than the female groups.  The easy assumption is to think women have more friends than men in today’s world, but the more accurate explanation is that women, with their “safety in numbers” and social proof (“look how popular I am” belief) mentality to assist them, have more acquaintances. 

Q-Tip 1:
Don’t be fooled by social gatherings and Facebook “friend” quantities.  The reality is that men have more solid friends but fewer acquaintances, and women have many more acquaintances but fewer close friends. 

As an add on to the above, it is a fair but unproven assumption that men’s friends are more loyal and genuine, whilst women’s friends are based from a greater convenience and social validation perspective.  Taken further, a man’s friend has his back, yet a woman’s friend would stab her in the back if it meant progressing her (the stabber’s) life for the better.

You only need to look at a pretty girl’s social media page against a man of equivalent physical attractiveness.  I know of many upper end cute and lower end hot women who have a thousand plus “friends” or followers, yet the equivalent man in gender relative terms will attain not even close to this number.  There are four main reasons:

·       Women have a far greater inner need for social proof and to believe they are popular; therefore, a huge percentage of women will be connected to female counterparts they barely know, are indifferent towards, or even dislike.
·       Men have a far lesser need for social proof and to believe they are popular (although being popular with well-known people will attract the opposite sex), and they are not as proactive in screening for other male “friends”.  
·       Men, especially at a younger age, will actively strive in being connected to pretty girls.  There is no other explanation than their hope and aspiration, no matter how small the likelihood, that this will lead to intimacy with the girl.
·       Women, especially at a younger age (when their prides and egos are at the highest point), will not actively strive to be connected with other men.  Many women will even decline social media propositions from a man if she thinks he is not up to her street cred, and many pretty women will reject social media friend requests from hot guys they are not familiar with (as they don’t want their profile spotlight taken away from them by aesthetically gifted men).

Side note to above:
Social media has strongly contributed to the rise of female insecurity and self-consciousness.  This is rivalled only by celebrity magazines and some Reality TV shows (or any source that shows inundated photographs/images of very attractive women).  The more a woman looks at herself, the more doubts she has.  The more a woman sees visions of other pretty women (whether famous or not), the greater her inhibition of her own beauty.  Unfortunately, this increase in women viewing other hot women has not decreased female egos and expectations in the slightest way.  Quite the contrary.   

Men leaving groups

Perhaps as relevant as the ugly consequence of social media producing an attention-seeking woman far in excess of previous generations is the comprehension towards how heterosexual relationships impact on individual decision making.  During the prime physical attractiveness timeframe for most men and women between 18 to 30, a female existence will be far more sought after by men than a male existence will be sought after by women – on a vast majority basis.  This is primarily due to women in this age bracket generally being far easier on the eye and sexually desired by men than the inverse.  This circumstance manifests in men striving harder to locate a woman he desires to be his girlfriend, and once there, and with the inevitability he is “punching above his weight” in physical looks, he will (wrongly) put more far into the relationship in endeavour, financial, compromise and sacrificial terms than she will.  Many a man even wants to do this, such is his lack of success with women on nights out and in the dating market as a whole.

What this means, at least in the early stages (and often the early years if they stay together indefinitely) of the relationship, is the man will be far more grateful to be with his girlfriend than her gratitude (or lack of) to be with him.  He will often think he has scored the star raffle prize, especially if she is hotter than his usual accustomed history.  Any organized male night out won’t be a big motivation, and he will likely, and happily, make up excuses to not partake in. 

Women staying in the group

On the other hand, if the woman does not feel at all grateful to be with her boyfriend, and the decision and motives to be with him are based on his expenditure, her required self-validation that a man loves her, him giving her an ego boost due to his comparative lesser physical attractiveness, and using him as a stop-gap concurrent to her other friends all being in relationships, you will find many women staying on in the female group nights out.  She will always be on the lookout for someone better, to the point when she accepts he is the best she can do and the one who can give her a passport to the life another more sought after man will not offer her. 

Q-Tip 2:
Most women aren’t happy, or necessarily unhappy, with the man they are with. What they are is mildly content.  It is simply a case of selling her chips when she believes the roulette won’t spin favourably again.

Friday, 3 May 2019

Isolated occasions of women complimenting men’s looks

“Stay in your lane, and you won’t get run off the motorway.”

In the early stages this post may come across as self-promotion and taking a victory lap, therefore if you are someone who can’t tolerate even the most innocent and relevant acts of this kind, I advise to halt your reading right now.  I’d like to think that readers who have followed this blog since the start will acknowledge and understand that, whilst there are more than a few moments when I have somewhat promoted myself, it is only secondary to illustrating the point to the bigger picture explanation.  If you’re still reading at this point, I’d hedge a pretty pound that you will continue to the end.

I went for the annual catch up with my once best buddy a few weeks ago.  The first place we ventured into is a nice small village pub in an affluent location that is Repton, Derbyshire.  As we walked from the outside terrace to the indoor bar area, I noticed a group of women (four of them, with a couple of them being around the 8/10 looks mark, and the other two slightly lower) sitting with a few men of similar age.  The young men weren’t bad looking from first impression – around the 7/10 mark.  The whole group would have been aged in their late teens/early 20’s.  My friend and I stood at the bar for the duration of our stay.

No more than half an hour later, we decided to move on.  As I walked past the group who were still conversing away, when I opened the door to depart I heard one of the girls say in a tone and volume that clearly desired to be heard :
“He is very good looking!”
Of course, there is no guarantee she was referring to me, but let’s face it in the world of reality it would have been more than a big coincidence had she not been.  Maybe they were just talking generally at that particular time, but again, this would have been hugely coincidental. 

For the purpose of this post, let’s say she was pointing out me. 

Anyone who lives in the real and objective world will know that the ratio of women complimenting and promoting a man’s physical allure is roughly at a 1:50 basis in comparison to men complimenting and promoting a woman’s physical beauty.  I’ll explain why: 

·       A good part of this explanation is because, in consideration to males and females aged 18 to 30 (the peak physical attractiveness timescale in respect to a lifetime), there are significantly more eye-catching women than likewise men.  In sheers numbers analysis alone, this will naturally bring about more men complimenting women than the inverse.
·       Another major reason (and most likely the main reason) is because a woman knows her primary attribute in attracting men is through her physical looks, therefore as an instinctive and innate habit derives an incontrollable reluctancy to emphasize a man’s physical blessings, such is her ego and pride acting as a resistance to do so. 
·       Although, as explained above, hot women largely outweigh hot men in numbers terms, most women’s social and working environmental locations, whether through choice (to feel better about herself) or consequence (as more men are in the workplace than women in most industries), will consist of a male heavy scenario.  As most men are beta males – average looking and average in most other desirability metrics – a woman will usually find herself with a man of this kind who will (wrongly, if he harbours ambitions to keep her interested in him) deliver acts of ass kissing her, over-complimenting, and feeling he needs to roll down the red carpet.  These male acts only serve to elevate a woman’s self-opinion which is stretched out of the objectivity parameters, and with this over-elevated mindset allows her to believe she is more beautiful than she is.  All this manifests into jealousy towards men who stand out more than she does.
·       Although age dependant on a percentage basis, by and large women place far less emphasis on male physical impressiveness than men place on female beauty.  This will direct women’s compliments onto men, usually indirectly, in the form of his profession, residence, intelligence, confidence, personality, money and assets, rather than his impressive face, body and height.

With all this being the undeniable case for those who see life through truthful eyes and ears, why would a very rare situation exist where the young woman exposed her praise onto a man like me, and in the meantime making no excuse or shield in doing so?  Pure and simple: she wanted to get one over the likely cocky young men in her social gathering.

Why is this the case?

Men are more confident than women.  I’d go as far to say that nine out of ten men are more confident than nine out of ten women.  Naïve and inexperienced men can be fooled in believing that if a woman is hot, and she dresses well and acts in a way that appears so busy and popular, she is also confident.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Most women are insecure and self-conscious, and this by no means reduces as you climb up the female hotness ladder.  In my experience, most hot women are more insecure and self-conscious than cute or average looking women (in the same way, cute women are more self-conscious and insecure than plain janes).

On the total other extreme, a half-decent looking man in his late teens/early 20’s thinks he can take on the world.  He hasn’t gone through many, if any, worn torn experiences that offer him a balanced view and thought-process of highs and lows, strengths and weaknesses he attains, successes and failures that are accustomed to life, and a true evaluation or knowledge of how people view him.  This is, if you like, the enviable obliviousness of male youth – a rubber ball internal mentality that ignores self-deficiencies but highlights self-perceived greatness.  This mentality is in spite of many deficiencies that do exist, and likewise a greatness that is non-existent. 

But with this rubber ball mindset produces an air of male confidence that is accustomed to he who overstates any praise exposed onto him and who can deflect any criticism away from him.  Therefore, a man in his late teens/early 20’s, along with his army of equally “take on the world thinking” male friends, can bring about an inner opinion considerably higher than his objective value.  Ultimately, a man at the raw age of 20 may only be 7/10 in the physical looks offerings, but the life he lives and the mind he owns believes he is at least an 8/10.  If he drives a Ford Focus with a slightly enhanced engine injection, his brain can believe it is on the level of a Ferrari.

This level of confidence that sits way above his objective value is good for attracting women, if used cleverly and discretely.  Women love confident men, even arrogant men to an extent, and it is a far better road to take than extreme modesty (it can be argued that if you are a very good looking man it is better to air on the side of humility than over-confidence, but based on most men being average looking this will not be the advice I give for most men).  Nevertheless, due to female insecurity and low-confidence as explained beforehand, a cocky man can easily puncture a woman’s ego and put her nose out of joint.

All this illustration will primarily, probably solely, explain why the young woman raised her voice to state a man walking past is “very good looking.”  She wasn’t at all interested in me from a getting to know each other perspective, and I’d be more than predictive to say that if I saw her one on one in another social environment and I opted to engage with her, there’s a fair chance she would give me the cold shoulder.  Just call it the law of averages, based on my experience and intuition. 

The true reason she said what she said was to get one over the men sitting on the same table with her.  She wanted to emphasize that, no matter how good looking the men on her table think they are, they’re not even close to the level of the man who walked past.  If one of guys was the boyfriend of one the other women, this would only further motivate her to say it.  In that moment, she purely used me as the bullet to kill her enemies.  Her voice, in analogy terms, was simply the weapon that fired me.    

Q-Tip 1:
No man will ever be good with women until he understands the way they think, act and speak.  He needs to accept her motives for any delivery she partakes.  This, unfortunately to many men, will mean you have to stop polishing her rosy ass, no matter how hot she is, and accept that this harshness and acceptance of ugly truths in life will only serve to benefit you in the longer haul. 

A Final Thought

It’s a worthwhile note that this woman, as like all her female friends sitting alongside, were at least ten years younger than me.  Socially, the average woman in her early twenties will much prefer a social network with female and male associates of similar age.  Sexually, or in physical attractiveness projection terms, at least half of this same compartment of women prefer men a decade older who have looked after themselves physically.  This is pure and simply because a man of 30 who has looked after himself will look much more physically attractive than his 20-year-old former self. 

Q-Tip 2:
Older men must accept that, even if a considerably younger woman finds him sexually attractive, more than half of these women will likely opt to not take things any further with him due to the age gap.  Likewise, women (mainly bitter women post 30) also need to accept that a decent percentage of much younger female counterparts will actively look to be with a considerably older man. 

Saturday, 26 January 2019

Women grabbing their male partner’s arms

“When in fear, it is the easy option to run for the trenches or hide behind one stronger.
But if the trench collapses or the arm you grab is weak, where do you run to from there?”

The most common theme I picked up on over the Christmas period, when time was not as intense and shopping days were undertaken, was the pronounced instincts for many women to grab their male partner’s arm when I walked in the opposite direction and as soon as they noticed me.  It isn’t a theme only just picked up on, but it perhaps struck my conscious thoughts during those couple of weeks more than ever before. 

Most of these women were cute to lower hot, and their male boyfriends or fiancés were average to above average looking.  Some of the men were barely taller than their girlfriends, and some were a fair bit taller.  I don’t recall any of the women wearing wedding rings, although this cannot be ruled out.

In addition, by no mean coincidence I would, without proof, say all the women ranged from mid to late 20’s in age.  The men they accompanied looked either the same age or a few years older.  For seasoned campaigners of couple observations like myself, the physical looks imbalance should not come as any surprise whatsoever.  Had the women been in their early 20’s (or late teens), the chances are a more physical attractiveness match would have been the consequence.  Then again, had these women been in the younger bracket as stated, I doubt they would have grabbed their boyfriend by the arm when walking past me in the first place.  More on this later….

For a moment, let me put myself in the position of the men being arm grabbed by the woman.  Needless to say, they would have been oblivious to the timing, but all the same it is worth analyzing.  The positive part (and also the naïve and idealistic view) would be that their female partners are so in love and in need of protection that it is an uncontrollable maneuver on her part to do so.  Fair enough, if again, you take the idealistic perspective.  The negative part (hence the far more likely realistic question) is why did she grab his arm at that particular moment when she hadn’t done so prior?  I’ll leave it to your interpretations.

My explanation is a simple one.  Look at the ages of the women in relatively small populated cities like Derby and Nottingham.  As they venture from mid to late 20’s their inclinations for a wedding day and associated lifestyle benefits will never be stronger, even if it means being with a man who does not optimize her in a physical attraction and sexual manner.  It’s a compromise worth taking.  It doesn’t take a genius to walk past a thousand men, and just by a few seconds observation you will know, by and large, which men are willing to take on the responsibilities of marriage – with the financial risks that go hand in hand when it all goes pear shaped – and which men are still not ready to place their tools to ground and give up on the benefits that go with less commitment. 

So in that moment, when all has been happy for the last hour or so when he buys her something in the shopping mall, they sit down for coffee, or have a nice chatty lunch about the future together, the woman’s over comfort turns into a few seconds of insecurity when seeing a man she would rather sleep with (rather sleep with than the man she is with).  The natural instinct when a moment of doubt is placed in her mind is to grab the male partner’s arm.  This habit is done on a two-fold reasoning:

·       First, she needs to convince her own mind that the man she is with is the man she truly wants to be with, and nothing will stand in the way of their future life and happiness together.
·       Second, she needs to counteract her immediate insecurity, and somewhat guilt, that another man has captured her attention. 

So, when you see a woman in her mid to late 20’s suddenly grab her boyfriend’s arm when a more physically impressive man walks past her, know it is because she doesn’t want anything to stand in the way of the future house, wedding, honeymoon and possible motherhood that has been talked about. 

Q-tip 1:
A woman of the same age (mid to late 20’s) who has already become married is less likely to deliver the arm grab method in equivalent scenarios.  This is because she has less to gain by doing so, and far less to lose by not doing so. 

As alluded to above, women in their early 20’s are far less likely to carry out the arm grab move.  From my experience, I’d even go as far to say that a decent percentage of younger women in fact do the opposite.  They may have been holding their boyfriend’s arm or hand, but when they see an edgier man walk past, don’t be surprised to see her let go of it.

Why is this the case?  First, women at this age are more likely to go for better looking men, and likewise even cheat on their boyfriend with a guy who arouses her more.  Second, in contrast to a woman foreseeing impending marriage and beneficial add-ons, a woman in her early 20’s is only really interested in the social status she achieves in being with the hottest men.  Third, a younger woman has very little interest in marriage at that stage in her life.  Mix all three factors together and you produce a woman who desires to de-scale her commitment to the male partner she is with, rather than expose and emphasize the couple profile.

Side Note

A case in point to back up this theory derived from the mere last five days of my life.  On Monday morning I sat in the health centre coffee area after a workout, dressed in work suit, prior to meeting a client a couple of hours later.  For over an hour, I caught the hot receptionist checking me out on at least three occasions.  She couldn’t be a day over 21. 

On the Friday morning when I pretty much was carrying out the same routine, she walked into the same arena in her gym kit.  I walked up to the water fountain as she bent down (Mmmm, nice!!), only for her to ask if I would like to go first (to the water!).  I told her it was fine, and I’d come back in a minute after she’d done.  When I did, she was still waiting, so we struck up some conversation.

She told me her current workout routine was gearing towards a competition soon.  When I alluded to it being a swimsuit model contest, she very much liked my thought process.  I then asked what her boyfriend thought to all this.  It was a big pause on her part, but she answered it in a way that he loved it as he is a personal instructor.  I more or less ended the conversation at that moment.  For the record, it was only that day I found out he worked at the same gym.  For further record, this boyfriend was sitting having breakfast in the coffee area on the morning she was regularly looking over at me. 

The point is, unlike other women I have approached where they couldn’t wait to mention the “boyfriend” word, she was not forthcoming at all.  I bet she was pissed off he was there at the time we were talking, albeit not over bothered if she doesn’t see much of a long term with him.  A little bit like knowing how a woman is interested in you if she asks you questions or not, another sure-fire way to detect a woman’s interest in you is if she highlights or clouds the fact she has a boyfriend. 

Q-tip 2:
Take note of the “swimsuit model” comment I made.  As a law of average, a direct compliment of this nature is only productive when it is the dynamic of being a man who is equal or greater in physical attractiveness gender relative terms to the woman he is hitting on.  If deep down you know she is a level or two above you in this sense, lead with more general comments that don’t make her feel or think she is too good for you.

Saturday, 19 January 2019

Male Personal Trainers

 “What she doesn’t have is what she wants, and what she doesn’t want, but is something else her female counterpart could have, she doesn’t want her to have it.”

There are a few reasons why you see a considerable higher ratio of male personal trainers in the gym you attend in comparison to female personal trainers. 

One reason is, in simple terms, even in today’s world men represent a higher percentage of the overall working population.  This may seem obvious, but it needs pointing out.  Outside of the retail industry and occasional other trades, there will usually be more men than women in a working environment. 

Another reason is that, by and large, a man won’t believe he can gain physical results he desires by taking the advice of a woman who holds expertise in this field.  She could in some ways be more beneficial to him than her male counterpart, but a gym member of male gender will rarely see it this way.  When parting ways with hard earned, honest money, you will go by the perceived law of average. 

Similarly to the above, the average man will be wondering how the onlookers view him being trained by a woman.  Not good for his street cred, he may think.  Flip the coin and it is highly unlikely a woman in her gym kit will feel this way in being trained by a man.  Many women will actually think the male gym instructor will give her a better end product.

Less sought after (hence less physically attractive) women may like a bit of male company which they cannot acquire in other living environments.  In this case, thirty minutes of attention from an in-shape man can give her a little reassurance and ego boost that she needs to get through a depressing week.  Flip the coin once more, and I doubt any half decent man feels the same way in need of female company.  If he is that desperate, he’d be better off saving the thirty quid or so and using it to pay a hooker. 

Nevertheless, make no mistake that the main reason, especially if you base it on a decent percentage of women who attend the gym being >6/10 in the looks bracket, is due to the pre-selection emotion that goes through a woman’s emotional brain when seeing a man with other women.  In simple language, when a woman sees a man with another woman - on regular occasions, with different women, and in flirty contact - she becomes more attracted to him irrespective to his physical allure or other positive (or negative) character or provisioning ability offerings.

It’s an easy, lazy and naive assumption to think that the reason male personal trainers attain a lot of female admirers is because they all belong to the top (let’s say top 5%) of physically gifted men in overall physical attractiveness.  They work out for a living, so they’re naturally in shape over and above the average man ploughing away in an office.  Fair point, but again it is a lazy view.  If you analyze it a little more closely, yes, some are in the top bracket, but some are not. 

In essence, when a woman walks into the gym and sees a male personal trainer flirting with an attractive woman, and in turn his delegate is smiling with puppy eyes and giggling back, she becomes jealous that it is not her.  She wants to be the one receiving the attention with a hundred plus people watching on.  But when a woman becomes jealous of another woman being with a man, this can only favour the man in question.  When a woman is emotionally jealous, she is never more attracted onto a man.  When a woman is totally indifferent towards a man when seeing him with another woman, he may as well be invisible such is her none attraction onto him. 

And how does she counteract this irritable jealous feeling that niggles inside?  You guessed it - she signs him up to give her personal training.  Another woman does the same, as does another, and the manufacturing chain goes on.  Supply and demand is part and parcel of any industry well-being, and ultimately a personal trainer is selling his product.  This is why male personal trainers are more prevalent than female personal trainers.  They are simply more in demand.

Side story 

There is one particular male personal trainer in the gym I attend who backs up my explanation the most.  He is in his late 20’s/early 30’s, about 5ft 9” tall, naturally in good profiled shape, and facially top 3% even if not absolutely striking.  I’ll give him 7.5/10 in overall physical attractiveness.  You could say he holds that overall optimum striking shot in being at the top end of above average looking men, whilst not quite bordering into unattainability in female eyes. 

As others have come and gone, this guy has stayed at this gym for many years, and naturally this has allowed women to see him in the company of inundated female members during this timeframe.  You will often see him giving half an hour of his time to women (usually women >6.5/10), and I’d hedge a fair bet that many have seen him with women they feel they can compete with in beauty terms.  I’ve never seen him with a hot delegate (granted, there aren’t that many hot women in there), and I think there is a story in this alone.

However, his ex-fiancé is also a personal instructor at the same gym.  She is hot, with a pretty much faultless body and very pretty face.  They split up a couple of years ago, and he is now in a relationship (did I see an engagement ring on her finger today?) with another attractive woman (albeit not quite on his ex’s level) who is a regular attendee at the same gym.  When you see the two of them in close proximity, for a guy like me who is naturally observant in this field it is quite some amusement.  I doubt many others have picked up on this frosty atmosphere between the two women. 

I don’t think the ex-fiancé has ever quite got over him, and seeing him rub it in with the new girl probably only humiliates (and makes her more attracted to him simultaneously) even more.  My guess is she has never met anyone on his overall objective level since they parted ways, and ultimately that is the only way a person truly gets over an ex.  One-night stands, short term flings and social media exploitation help in the immediate term, but they only paper over the cracks of a broken heart.    

Any honest person, woman or man, will confess that when they have been in a relationship with someone they genuinely loved, nobody can replace them until they meet someone who is at least on the same level.  They could go on dozens of dates and still feel this way.  However, when they do meet that new person who is on equivalence or higher, the ex-lover takes up barely a moment of their reminiscent mind. 

Side note

At the risk of talking about myself, I do play some part in all this tri-factor.  Even when the ex-fiancé was dating the male personal trainer, I also sensed some attraction from her onto me.  Don’t get me wrong, I very much doubt she would have even come close to taking things on with me in replace of him had I (done the wrong thing) and asked her out, but it did come across as the natural female inclination to be interested in man who is objectively more impressive than her male partner – better looking, taller, at least equal body impressiveness, more masculine voice, better body language, better personality and, such was the evidence of dress style and car, wealthier.  She may have even told her ex in the past that, if they weren’t together, I’d be her type.  Maybe not, but we can but not speculate. 

The current girlfriend has also given me more than a few glances and smiles, making sure the personal trainer is not nearby.  Again, women aren’t stupid, and they can work out male value pretty quickly.  Both the ex and current see me occasionally working on my laptop after a gym session in the week prior to any client meetings, and a man dressed in a suit will, for those few seconds, negate the social status attributes that are blessed to male personal trainers. 

It made me chuckle this morning, as all three of them were in.  I caught the current girlfriend catching me checking out the ex-fiancé, and the ex-fiancé didn’t seem to make any kind of excuse to walk past me on a couple of occasions.  The girlfriend, to me, seemed to have that amalgamated rollercoaster feeling going through her mind in positive/negative terms.  Part of her had that ego satisfaction of getting one over the ex, knowing she is the chosen one who is now dating the man her foe was once engaged to.  On the other hand, concurrent to me checking her rival out was a likely negating irritable emotion.  At that moment I bet she had visions of the two of us (the ex and I) one day being a couple.  In conclusion, a woman only likes another woman being with a man who is not objectively more impressive than the man she is with.     

Sunday, 6 January 2019

Women asking questions is usually a good sign

“A drunken man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts”

There are certain times in your life when, whether through accident, logic, experience, analyzing trends or noticing common themes, the penny drops to how things have always been.  You can go one step further and say this is the way it will always be. 

The resistance to this self-controlled and self-objectified view will not arrive without contest and resistance.  For example, if you spell out this trend, many people will turn a blind eye or disagree due to the pain of the truth you have exposed.  These people - and most people fall into this category - prefer the fallacy and idealistic world that perhaps brings no shame on them for being this way.  Effectively, they are people belonging to a blue pill world that doesn’t take fondly to exposure of their weaknesses, misdemeanours and lies.

Another example is the old aged fall back of “exception to the rule”.  Women are masters of this in topics of emotional behaviour or relationship analysis, because they will try and convince the naïve onlookers, and themselves, that one case which is an exception to a clear general trend, especially an exception that suits their personal agenda, is the normal course of events.  Women make a living out of plausible deniability, because ultimately this act can, due to the lack of proof, conceal their lies and manipulations of the truth.

On the assumption you want to be a man who is strong-minded and believes things seen with his own two eyes, it is important to laugh at these people and stay loyal and faithful to your belief.  You cannot have a fear of the consequences, even if this fear is losing a woman you like.  She will, or she should, respect and like you more for standing apart from the hordes of agreeable men she is accustomed to.  If she doesn’t, it is because ultimately her ego (hence being with a man who kisses her rosy ass) is bigger than her heart.  Is it worth not being your own man for the sake of that one woman?

Nevertheless, this post is about one trend I picked up on many years ago, but equally it was a trend that went straight over me for many years prior.  It was like something dawned on me after approaching inundated women over countless years, in response to never previously looking at it like this.  In essence, nine times out of ten, women who chose to take things further with me were women who asked me questions during the first conversation.  Likewise, nine times out of ten, women who did not choose to take things to the next level were women who asked me next to nothing (or nothing at all!) about myself.  It’s important to add that, with discrete differentials, nearly all these women in both compartments had given me prior indicators of interest – by and large, looking in my direction whether close by or from more of a distance.  Not all, but most. 

Some of the women who asked me nothing were those who could not stop looking at me from merely a few feet away, and on regular intervals.  When I approached them, from point dot most of them barely gave me any eye contact during conversation, and certainly nothing in terms of any conversational interest in my life.  If ever there was a case in point that believing a woman giving you bed eyes is a passport to taking things to the bedroom or further development, then think again.  I’m even struggling to recall one woman asking me nothing who did decide to give me a chance.  

Then I contrast the none asking (and hence those not wanting to take things to the next stage) women with those who did show an interest in my life with more than a couple of questions during the primary conversation.  I wouldn’t for a moment state every one of them did give me their number or hold inclinations for seeing where things led, but most of them did.  I would also add that those who did ask questions, irrespective to whether they were willing to move things on, were often those who gave me less eye contact and interest indicators in comparison to those who asked nothing and did not want any part of me when interacting (yet women who looked over at me a lot).  

Why is this the case?

Women and men differ in countless emotional, character, behavioural and decision-making ways, however one way they are exactly the same is in their instinctive reactions to members of the opposite sex they are sexually attracted to.  In the same way a man instinctively looks at a woman he wants to bang, a woman uncontrollably looks at a man who she would like to sleep with if there were no other consequences involved.  When I illustrate consequences, I’m not simply and only referencing having a boyfriend/husband.  A consequence to woman – a woman who has seen a man who sexually arouses her – is often a follow on thought that she views him as poor partner material, who makes her feel inadequate due to his equal or superior physical attractiveness status in gender relative terms, or who puts her nose out of joint due to her not being the star of the show when together (as he strikes more attention than her). 

Therefore, a woman cannot control, at least in the immediate term, her eyes to not look at a man who see would like to have sex with.  This is simply an animal trait in a human body and mind that will never change and cannot be controlled.  Bear in mind too that in a world where >99% of men fall anywhere between ugly, average looking, to above average looking (hence anything ranging from 1/10 to 7.75/10), a woman doesn’t see many men on a regular basis who gives her this uncontrollable feeling.  A high percentage of these women are with boring and sexually unappealing husbands too, and seeing men leagues above in aesthetic value only compounds the difference in physical attractiveness levels.

However, when the man approaches a woman, her secondary emotion comes into play.  Women have fragile prides yet strong egos, and once you place both traits in a melting pot it produces an ugly recipe known as a woman in either antagonism and hostility mode or, at best, someone who just acts with discomfort and a lack of eye contact.  The by-product of either is one who consciously does not ask questions.  “If I don’t ask him anything about himself, it proves I’m not interested!”  This is her vain and ingenuine attempt to protect both her pride and ego.  Add on her perception that a “golden boy” must have so much going on in his life, and her counteraction to this irritable feeling is to avoid any inferiority or jealousy running through her veins.  If she doesn’t ask, she can believe what makes her feel better about herself.   

Contrast this with women who do ask you questions early on.  By clear majority, it is no coincidence that women who showed verbal interest in me early on also came across as far higher in internal confidence than women who did not ask questions.  This confidence goes hand in hand with women who are willing to date the highest quality (or best looking) men.  They have confidence in themselves, therefore they have confidence these men won’t stray.  Again, a by-product of a woman who wants to take things further with a man is to find out more about him – and hence ask questions.  A woman I was seeing at the back end of last year fitted this explanation like a glove, to the point where she went toe to toe with me on proactive flirty comments and discrete physical touch from the moment we met.  I do sincerely and whole-heartedly miss her, but when the circumstance is living a four hour drive away from each other, something inevitably and eventually has to give.

Q-Tip 1:
Confident women, matched with beauty and feminine ways, are extremely rare but they do exist.  You just need to screen much harder for them and accept that they almost exist like unicorns. 

A final thought

There is an extreme opposing view that needs to be explained, and it is one that could come across as a contradiction to all as explained above of not analyzed accordingly.  There will be many cases where a woman will ask a man questions, even if in fact she has no intention of getting sexual with him.  In this case it will be the common event where the woman likes the attention he gives her, she likes the ego thrill boost of standing next to someone who is less physically attractive than her, and she ultimately has not an ounce of desire or hunger to get physical and sexual with him.  Effectively she is too comfortable, which is actually a greater detrimental consequence to a man than her feeling at unease next to a man.  Ultimately, when a woman is at total ease with the environment, her eye contact and question distribution will be far higher.

Similarly, but more idealistically for a woman, is the perfect scenario where all the boxes are ticked as illustrated in the above paragraph, yet she holds enough attraction onto him for sexual endeavours.  This is where she strikes the perfect middle ground between too much comfort and feeling inadequate.  Most of these men will not strike her immediate attention from a distance, but there is enough liking on her part to see where things go.  An average looking man with a cute woman, or an above average looking man with a hot woman, is the dynamic you need to look for here. 

A final (final) thought

I approached the brunette as explained in this post the other day.  I wasn’t bothered about the bling ring she was wearing the week before, and as it turned out she wasn’t wearing it once I engaged with her.  To say she was lacking in responsiveness was an understatement, and I barely opened my mouth before noticing a lack of enjoyment in her facial expression that I had approached her.  Far cry from the woman who had been staring and smiling at me on more than a few occasions only a week before. 

Was it a case she was at her highest fertility cycle point last week (hence holding inclinations to be with an edgy man), and back on normality cycle point a week later (hence back to the more dependable inclination for a mundane man)?  Can’t be ruled out.  If so, maybe I need to wait another three weeks before going up to her again!

In true predictability:

·       She asked no questions, with the exception of: “I can’t believe you just come up to people you don’t know like this…do you do this to a lot of women?”  
·       She gave me hardly any eye contact. 
·       When I asked her name, she straight away (after telling me her name) said: “Unfortunately I have a boyfriend.” 
·       Despite the numerous stares in my direction as little as seven days ago, she claimed she had never seen me in the gym before.
·       When I subtly said (concurrent to a smirk on my face) I could have sworn she was the girl looking at me last week (although followed by saying my eyes aren’t what they used to be), she said I need my eyes testing.  I responded by saying, “I think they call it plausible deniability - on your part.”

As a last note, a lot of men, as I once did in my younger days, dry up and react with disillusioned and demoralizing internal emotion when a woman drops the “boyfriend” word.  I gave her my usual response that has never failed me in any past situation of equivalence:
“Just tell him you’re upgrading, he’ll understand.”  She froze faster than a teardrop during a Siberian winter.

Q-tip 2:
If any mission in your life cannot be completed, whether within or outside of your control, make sure you have fun along the way.  At the end of the day, the fun was in the attempt and not the accomplishment.