Saturday, 4 July 2020

Older woman and younger man psychology

“The truth and reality is rarely grasped by the masses.”

Apparently there’s an internet troll being a little bit hateful towards the English actress, Kate Beckinsale.  In a relationship with a man of half her living years, the troll has inferred that Beckinsale should date men her own age.

First and foremost, whilst I’m a pretty opinionated kind of person, I always say that no matter what my thoughts are on a subject or issue, if someone is making a decision that makes them genuinely happy then I’m all for it.  I’m not this relationship scrooge that thrives on seeing people unhappy.  Quite the contrary, in fact.  All I do is read the somewhat obvious signs that people (usually women) act upon which is down to ancillary reasons outside of natural happiness, attraction and passion.  I’m usually right on the outcome.

The girl that broke my heart

A couple of years ago I bumped into a woman of same age to me who I went to secondary school with.  I hadn’t seen her for maybe a decade since the last time, but she had aged reasonably well in all fairness to her considering she was now a single mother to two boys. 

She was out with her friends, and as we talked at the bar I could sense her peers were trying to lean her towards me.  I made a comment to the group that she was the first girl to break my heart (if you can call it that) when we were 14.  As fate would have it, this was a total blessing at the time.  At that age I barely knew what a penis was designed for, whilst she was merely months later having sex with boys two years above.

She asked me what my relationship status was, to which when I informed her that I had been seeing someone for quite some time, I sensed her optimistic face drop a little.  I asked her the same question, and she filled me in on her going through a divorce.  She then went onto say she was seeing a young man who was only 21 – over a decade younger than her - and whilst admitting it was “wrong” it was clear she wasn’t verbalizing in an apologetic way at all.  Why should she, it’s her life after all.

I saw her later on in another bar, and as she was leaving she made a conscious effort to say goodbye as her group left.  I sensed, through nothing more than experience of similar situations, that she held desires for me to burst out words to the effect of meeting up.  Whilst she had aged fairly well, I wasn’t at all attracted to her in a physical sense.

The hypocrisies and gender distinctions

It’s always made me laugh how the media and mass population seem to applaud a woman for dating a man much younger than her, yet when a man dates a woman much younger than him he is referred to as a creepy old weirdo.  What is all the more baffling is that whilst I agree there is a line to draw in how much the age gap can be in resulting in a happy partnership for both man and woman, a woman with a younger man goes against fundamental attraction, yet a man with a younger woman aligns with fundamental attraction.

Q-tip 1:
The easiest way to look at female to male / male to female attraction is this:
Men are primarily and predominantly attracted to female youth and beauty.  Women are primarily and predominantly attracted to male maturity, provisioning, confidence, status and wealth.

With the above in place and denied (or conveniently ignored) by many but undeniable in reality, in theory, and in practice, the happier relationships consist of women with older men and men with younger women.  The sweet spot for this age gap can be argued until the cows come home, and quite frankly it does depend on the couple in question, but by clear majority women are at their most physically attractive when they are younger, and men become more mature, confident and wealthier as they get older.

So what would sway a woman towards a younger man?

I always remember reading some article that was cougar themed, and the one commenter that stood out was actually a woman.  The comment was a breath of fresh air, bearing in mind the words came from a female mouth, so to speak.  Her words were, to the effect, that when a woman is with a younger man the attraction (on the woman’s part) isn’t about his youth, and it is in fact about her own youth.  I thought this summed it up perfectly.  To elaborate on what she said, basically a woman who seeks out a younger man isn’t essentially going for him because she is attracted to him.  She goes for him because it makes her feel better about herself.

Here’s the stand out reasons women will go for younger men:

·       A woman will worry about getting older in simultaneous timeframe to her declining physical beauty.  This emotion can often happen as early as her mid to late twenties.  To counteract this negative and irritable feeling, a younger man can, for a short period of time, paper over these cracks in reassuring her mind that she is still young and beautiful. 
·       In association with the above point, a woman will think that a younger male hand in hand will impress her female friends, rivals and social media army.
·       Women in their mid to late twenties and beyond will see inundated competition from younger women joining the night scene and other social environments.  This competition – from often more eye-catching women – acts as a question mark to her standing in the overall female hierarchy.  Once more, reassurance of these doubts can be compensated by dating a younger man.
·       The highest quality and most sought after men are attracted to women their own age and, when men move past their mid 20’s, women who are younger than them.  With a seemingly much smaller pool of high quality men at their disposal, some older women will try and negate this irritation by going for younger men.  It is a way of getting their own back on the scenario.

It is fair to say that a minority of women (and it cannot be stressed enough in this being a tiny minority) do hunt for younger men due to primary hunger to satisfy their physical attraction and sexual needs.  Nevertheless, let it be said this is a negligible number in comparison to those women who carry out these decisions in order to feel better about things within themselves. 

A final thought

I got involved with two women last year who were aged 22 and 23.  The 22 year old looked her age, whilst the 23 year old looked 25 to 26.  The woman of 22 was all up for it, whilst the one of 23 said I was too old.  There were character and ego differentials (22 year old girl went with her heart, 23 year old girl had a big ego and as evidence has recently proved prefers to date men significantly less good looking than her) between the two, but I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the younger looking 22 year old had older parents (her dad was turning 60 that year), whilst the 23 year old more mature looking women had parents who birthed her when they were in their teens or slightly older. 

Q-tip 2:
If you are an older guy who tends to emotionally collide, whether through deliberation or circumstance, with considerably younger women, all else equal you will have much greater success and positive forthcoming nature from a woman in a line graph as the older her parents are.  The younger the parents, the more likely she will stick to men her own age or even younger.

A final, final thought

Don’t get me wrong, there are some men who also take an ego boost from dating younger women.  This is still secondary to his instinctive physical attraction towards her, but it isn’t uncommon for the good feeling of a younger trophy wife per se.

I’m not one of those men, I can assure you of that.  If every 50 year old woman looked like Jennifer Lopez then I’d have no problem and every inclination to be with a woman older than me, but the reality is most woman in the real world post 40 aren’t even close to being as physically attractive to women in their 30’s.  Likewise, most women in their 30’s aren’t as physically attractive in contrast to women in their 20’s.

So when you do see women with much younger men, generally speaking these men are low sought after men and/or men of low confidence who believe they cannot secure a younger and hotter woman.  It is kind of the same replication of a woman, irrespective of her age or her male partner’s age, generally placing safer bets in being with a less physically attractive man.  She will know he attains fewer female suitors.  A man who settles for an older woman knows she will be of much lower maintenance in this matter too – as far fewer (if any) other men will find her attractive and hunt her down.


Saturday, 27 June 2020

Repulsive man/woman visual dynamics

“Tomorrow belongs to those who can hear it coming.”
(David Bowie)

When you see this below picture, what do you think?

The obvious answer, a topic that perhaps can be seen as somewhat dominated by this blog, is a considerably more physically attractive woman than her respective male partner.  She’s an 8.25/10, and he’s a 6.5/10.  Whilst this >25% gap between the two is larger than what is usually seen (most women go for men who are 10% to 15% lesser looking), it’s by no means a fall off your seat moment for people who observe in the real world.  You will see many women of >8/10 with 6.5/10 men in the physical looks department.

Of course the common phrase used to sum up these relationship comparisons is: "He's boxing (punching) above his weight."  This has become an almost enjoyable phrase to use by most people - distributors and recipients of the comment alike.  The female recipient likes to hear this because it enlarges her head and basically spells out that he needs to be grateful to be blessed with her all so valuable presence and existence.  The male side also emotes fondly to the words, because this is symbolic (at least this is what he naively thinks) that his non-visual attributes are what scores him a better looking girlfriend.

The problem is, this phrase is born out of artificial happiness which can, and usually does, have detrimental implications further down the line.  A woman dating a lesser looking man is by and large a case of making herself feel better about life, whilst the man is very rarely aware of this being the main motive on her part.  Don't get me wrong, this none organic way to get together can work if a man is aware of the circumstance and plays his strategy in accordance - flipping the script in convincing her she is the one who should be grateful to be with him - but only a tiny percentage of men are that clued up.

A story

A few years ago, long back when you could visit another country without contemplating quarantine procedures to enforce you not to go in the first place, I sat by the poolside during a vacation in northern Italy.  I was minding my own business, eyes shut and high into the sky, when a couple sat nearby and started talking in German (or a dialect of the German language).  I speak and understand reasonable German, but most certainly not to the level of comprehending what they were saying.  It mattered little anyway.

For my curiosity and interest in heterosexual couple dynamics, I discretely looked to my left hand side (for clarity, they are not the couple in the photograph!).  What immediately stood out to me, and if the truth be told moved me negatively, was how darker skinned she was than him.  They were both of Caucasian ethnicity, yet she was as tanned as a white woman I’ve ever seen and with dark hair, and he was as pale as could be with ginger/auburn locks.  It just looked weird.

The usual course of events

Putting sexual inclinations and satisfying their hearts as a priority to one side for now (and let’s be fair, most modern day women put their egos and motives to feel better about life ahead of both the aforementioned), this is what women ideally desire in a man as their male partner.  The list is not exhaustive:

·       A man who is taller than her
·       A man who is facially less gifted and stand out than her
·       A man who, in gender relative terms, does not have a better body profile than her
·       A man who has higher social status than her
·       A man who is smarter than her
·       A man who attains a higher job profession status than her
·       A man who earns more money than her
·       A man who possesses more money/assets than her
·       A man who has darker hair than her (or at least as dark)
·       A man who is darker skinned than her

Based on the fact which both science and real-life observation proves, when a man and a woman are of the same ethnicity, the male face and body is of darker complexion than the female equivalent.  With this base skin colour laid as the foundation, the man will tan quicker and go darker than the woman further still with spells in the sunshine of parity.

So when you see images as illustrated in the above image and as explained on the Genoese poolside, you end up scratching your head even more than usual.  Personally, I find it a strange, weak and even repulsive viewing when a woman is significantly more tanned than her boyfriend.  It just doesn’t sit right.

I’d even say that an Indian or African origin (to mention only two darker skinned ethnicity groups) woman alongside a white man gives off a much better dynamic.  With this, you are born with what you are.  Maybe the white man has a thing for women of this race, and vice versa.  They will also be churning out a cute mixed-race kid too, or at least with a higher probability if you go by the law of average.

But a white woman far darker than a white man?  No, I’m not having that without deeper analysis.

The reason?

The obvious reason is a compounded female ego that stretches beyond even the norm.  Not only does she want to be more eye catching than him in visual terms, but she also holds a greater motivation to push this gap even further apart with a better tan.  

What's even more bewildering is if women listened to men, they would actually know that there is sweet spot for how attractive men assess women's tans.  A bit like makeup/ and foundation, a little to medium amount makes her look more attractive, yet beyond that and it is counter-productive.

But not many women (outside of very savvy women) give a shit to what men desire, as long as they are out-doing their female peers.  Long live the female ego, and it isn’t going anywhere south in your surroundings any time soon.  If anything, it is only venturing in one direction.  That direction is not one I’m looking forward to.

Hair colour differences between men and women

I recall meeting a German woman on a beach in Athens (Piraeus to be precise) a few years ago.  We hit it off for a day or two, but we never stayed in touch.  She was cute (not hot), with a nice curvy figure, long dark brown hair, 5ft 3” tall, and white skin with just an obvious but not over-emphasized end of summer tan.

As we got the train back to the city, she leaned against my shoulder and commented on a blonde-haired guy a few metres away.  He had that surfer look, tall, not bad looking at all to be fair, and he was also German.  She whispered to me that she just didn’t find blonde haired men attractive at all.  Her words seemed genuine.  I replied in a light-hearted way along the lines of life just not being fair – stating that from my experience most blonde-haired women want darker haired men, and yet dark-haired women also prefer a man of darker shade.

And I can’t think of too many cases over the last few years where I have seen a woman with a lighter haired man.  As a percentage, it has to be very low.  Once more, if you do see it there is a strong chance the woman is self-attention and ego driven, although not in the same manner as a woman wanting to be darker skinned than her male partner - when both are of ethnicity equivalence. 

Notice what else is a negative dynamic in the photograph.  He looks way, way happier to be there than her.  This is the exact opposite image a man should look for.  She should be the one smiling like a Cheshire Cat – even if in disingenuous manner and just for the cameras – and he should be the one sporting a mild to indifferent smirk expression.  You may think, and women will tell you, that women love to see their man express happiness in being around her.  But a woman will always try harder for a man when she questions his happiness, and she will try less to please a man when she has him in the palm of her hand.

Saturday, 6 June 2020

Tips for men to stay looking young

“The blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice.”

A reader asks:

“Timely query: could you please share some beauty tips for male aesthetic upkeep, how you take care of yours, what products you use, and how we can all age graceful and maintain as much of our beauty as possible into our 50s- beyond eating EXTREMELY clean, drinking 1 gallon of water, and exercising 3-5 days a week? Thank you in advance, and even if you choose not to comment on it, thank you all the same.

My response:

As a brainstorming answer (if not necessarily in order of importance) in how to stay looking physically young as a man, this is my dozen plus one pennies worth.

1)    Eat well.  This doesn’t mean falling into the trap that of a lot of women (and some men) fall flat on their face in by becoming obsessed by reduced calorie intake. A small cream cake will have fewer calories than a drained tin of tuna, but it doesn’t take a doctorate in nutrition to spell out which is the far healthier and the dish that will keep you lean, but not fat mean.  Eat the appropriate foods, with the right macros.  Carrying excess weight is the first way you can start to look older.  That said, overweight people who lose a lot of weight in later life can look older than looking fat (as the wrinkles and lines are more emphasized).  In essence, incorporate a good diet at a young age, and maintain and even improve year on year.

2)    Drink plenty of water.  A gallon seems excessive, but it won’t do you any harm (just makes you piss a lot!).  I’d benchmark more at the minimum of three litres per day, but each individual will have their own requirements depending on their lifestyle.  I’ve found that when my water intake exceeds three litres, excluding very hot days, I go though a phase of losing a bit of lean muscle.  This is why I believe the sweet spot is somewhere between three to three and a half litres per day.

3)    Maintain your stress levels to a sensible level.  I’m not going use this post an A to Z on how to choose your lifestyle choice.  Nevertheless, it doesn’t take more than your two eyes to see that two men of same age – one who has fathered children, been married and struggled to pay the bills and meet spouse/children expectations….versus the man who has taken the lower stress option of none commitment – to see who is looking the significant physically elder.  On a similar theme, the level of stressful roles you take in your professional life will also impact on the way you look later down the line.

4)    Exercise well and regularly.  Whilst I totally agree with the consensus that you can never out train a bad diet, exercise is still vitally important.  Not only will it keep your body figure/profile in check and be beneficial in a cardiovascular sense, but it will psychologically make you feel better about yourself.  I believe the mind in training (and many other aspects in life) supersedes the physical aspect to a large degree, therefore knowing you are putting your body through the rigours manifests to feeling and looking younger.

5)    Limit your alcohol intake and nights out.  In my opinion, a casual drink is not a bad thing.  If the units of alcohol per week are of a negligible level, the detriments of alcohol will be minimal.  I’m also a great believer that every person needs something to look forward to, therefore if you partake in a big night out once every six weeks or couple of months, then the damage to your body and ageing process will be mitigated.  Any more than this ratio – with the high level of bad calories and lack of sleep that alcohol and nights out result in – and it will naturally age you more.

6)    Don’t get involved with the social proof/popular crowd.  I’ll be the first to admit that at a younger age, if only basing on access to the hottest women, belonging to a social proof and popular friendship network is an advantage.  The hottest women are usually located around the most popular and well-known men.  However, over time you realise that this is nothing more than a short term benefit to men, and over a longer term you see these men looking years beyond their birth age.  Abundant parties, drugs, alcohol and late nights bring about a man who has physically aged badly.

7)    Limit natural sun exposure / use sunscreen / eradicate sunbeds.  If the truth be told, I’m probably not the best example when it comes to staying out the natural sun.  Part of my justification has been keeping faith that being mixed race is more forgiving on my skin.  Another substantiation is that sunbathing acts as a stress relief, therefore a negative is partly cancelled out by a positive.  But I’m not going to be a complete hypocrite, and it is only fair to confess I’ve probably spent more time in the sun than I should have.  With all that said, I have by and large always used high factor sun lotion.  I’ve never been on a sunbed in my life. 

8)    Know how to handle women.  As much as we would like to paint a rosier picture of our opposite sex peers, the reality is women cause you stress.  The hotter the woman, the more stress she will likely bring to your life.  Women’s innate character traits that are symbolic with drama, high expectations, game playing, attention seeking with men and, often at a younger age, a lack of loyalty or honesty, constantly keep you wondering where you stand.  If you can adapt a mindset and life delivery where you are the one in control of the relationship, you are the one with options with the opposite sex, and if it all fails then it is no skin off your nose, the stress levels are diminished which over time reduce the physical ageing process.

9)    Moisturize daily.  A man, even at boyhood stage, should introduce twice daily moisturizing into his life.  This should be applied to both face and body.  There are so many moisturizers on the market that I wouldn’t know where to start, but Nivea For Men or a simple cheaper equivalent (for the face) like Palmers Coconut Oil will most likely be just as productive in comparison to far more expensive creams.  The application to body needs little more than a half-decent supermarket brand version.

10) A contemporary, stylish and suitable hairstyle.  This just cannot be understated.  A good hairstyle on a man can knock years off him.  Equally, if you are going thin, the likelihood is shaving it all off will make you look younger than desperately trying to maintain a longer but thinning style.  I’m not a fan of hair transplants.  I’ve yet to see one that makes a man look better, or even much younger, than his prior bald scalp.

11) Dress contemporary, stylish and suitable to the age you look, not the age you are.  Not dissimilar to hairstyle, a man who is 40 but who looks 30 should dress to suit the latter.  There is a lot of criticism out there from women stating men should dress their age, but this is just bitterness on their part due to men having the luxury to look younger.  Equally though, don’t dress younger than you look.  This smacks out signs of desperation in trying too hard to hold onto your youth, and in a full circle way it can make you actually appear older than the age you look. 

12) Don’t get involved in social media.  Is it any wonder why a lot of women who are social media whores – whether checking their Facebook pages every five minutes or posing for Instagram photographs every second day – look older than their birth certificate shows half a dozen years later.  If you spend half your life worrying what other people think of you, how popular you are through fake friend numbers of “likes”, or whether your friend or foe is looking better looking than you or appears more popular, guess what happens?  What happens is you try and feed the habit more the next day, to the point where it becomes an exhausting uphill treadmill that cannot be maintained.  All this adds up to stress, and too much stress ages you on the inside and the outside.  Don’t be a man who falls into this trap.

13) Ensure you have good sleep.  Both in quality and quantity terms, good sleep will keep you looking younger for longer.  In terms of quantity, you should be aiming for at least seven hours, however I believe much more than nine hours is counterproductive and makes you feel more tired than the sweet spot of eight hours. With this in mind, an average of eight hours should be the target.  With respect to quality, whilst it in principle is better to wake up next to a woman because this should be representative to you getting laid, if you do go through a single stage or dry spell, turn this negative into a positive in knowing that for every night you don't literally sleep with a woman, it is a night contributed to looking younger over the long haul.  I've not known many nights when I've slept better with a woman alongside me than without.  The best case scenario is to have sex with her middle evening, then say she needs to (or you need to) leave!

A final thought

So in answer to the reader’s question, apart from some of 7) this is the way I conduct my life in aspiring, and hopefully achieving, to look considerably younger than my years.  If you think about it, all the above is just about cost free.  It certainly isn’t going cost a million dollars, anyway.  What it isn’t nonetheless, is sacrifice free.  The choice consequently then has to be yours depending on which results and end products you desire to accomplish in life.

The reader picks up on a good point in referencing “50s- beyond”.  Don’t get me wrong, men can still look good and much younger than they are in their 50s, however >99% of men will have passed their pinnacle look a good time ago.  This isn’t to say they are less desirable to some women (although it is only correct to say they will be less desirable to most women who are younger than 40), mainly because by the sheer law of average men in their 50s should be more confident, self-assured and financially secure than their 20s, 30s or 40s.  God help them if they are not.  As has been mentioned numerous times on this blog, women place only a minority percentage emphasis on the way a man looks, and a majority percentage emphasis on what men can offer them to improve their (women’s) life and well-being.

If you ask me, most men who look after themselves should, and often do, look most physically attractive in their middle 30s.  The reason most men don’t look their best at this age is because they haven’t looked after themselves, mainly as a by-product of the lifestyle decisions they made (or in some cases what was forced upon them if their female partners contrived the pregnancy).  A small but not insignificant percentage of men can look at their aesthetic best in their late 30s to early 40s.  Come the midlife age of 45, even men who had the blessings to reach the mountain top look in their early 40s will start to show the first signs of speedier ageing.

I’m a great advocate that even as early as their 30th birthday – an age which most men (including myself at the time) don’t take kindly in reaching – men can visually age at half the rate of time.  In other words, if that 30 year old man looks after himself, when he reaches 36 he will only look three years older than when he turned 30.  This doesn’t by any means implicate that he will look 33, as if he looked 25 when he was 30, he would in fact only look 28 when reaching 36.  The process continues.

Men looking younger than their age is probably the biggest gripe in a woman’s life.  This irritation is two-fold.  First, they know that a man who has looked after himself when he reaches his 35th or 40th birthday can look younger than the majority of women aged 25 or 30 respectively.  Second, the younger a man looks, the more opportunity he holds to secure a significantly (10 years or more) younger woman.  On the basis women generally look out for men who are of a similar age or slightly older, theoretically this consequence would leave a surplus of single women in the market if the case was that most men looked after themselves and looked considerably younger.

Sunday, 24 May 2020

Men’s race impacting on women’s choices

“It’s difficult to map out your life when life maps it out for you.”

I think I’m reasonably placed to touch on this subject when it comes to analysing how women may, and do, carry out their decision making in respect to male relationship, fornication or potential marriage aspects with regards to his race, and to a lesser extent, his ethnicity.  As a mixed-race man who writes a blog predominantly on female emotional habits and trends, allow me to continue.

Although my late father was an immigrant to the United Kingdom from a little above third world African country, and my mother was raised from a relatively poor working class British background too, somehow they managed to raise my brother and I in a middle class (slightly below middle class) suburb in Derby.  Much to do with this was the financial support my grandparents (from my mother’s side) gave them to step onto the property ladder, and my Dad consequently worked all the hours available to put food on the table and shoes on our feet.  Both my mother and father, in different ways, were great examples of being good parents.  They were lousy examples of being a good wife and husband.  Maybe there hits a critical point - it is easier to be a natural parent in life than it is to be a competent spouse.  I digress...

The consequence of being brought up in a middle-class area was being an exceedingly rare non-white skinned kid that stood out like a sore thumb.  Or maybe this was just coincidental to the suburb (there are many deprived suburbs in Derby with high white populated contingents)?  As this mixed-race young boy trying to fit in as best possible, there were days when I felt it was a case of living in a world on my own.  From blurry recollections, I think a couple of years consisted of never going a day without thinking about the colour of my skin.  For the record, I’m a quarter African black descent, a quarter Indian origin, and half white.  With this in mind, the idiots back then never quite knew whether to ridicule me with racist names that began with “N” or “P”.

The irony is I spent nearly the first half of my life wanting nothing more than to be white skinned, yet more than the second half of my life treasuring not being white – and the stand-out, uniqueness and intrigue it produced in being of a mixed-race complexion.  I remember having a conversation with my mother when I was about fourteen (around the time when my self-consciousness of this matter had reached peak point), and she pointed out that one day I will realise how my colour is actually a blessing.  I didn’t believe her at the time.  How right she was though.

Do women choose men based on race preference?

The United Kingdom still has a race demographic where nearly nine out of ten people are white.  This naturally means that from a general perspective it is most relevant to judge how white women would choose men, if all else (wealth, social class, intelligence, personality etc) is equal.  This is my view:

·       60% of white women would prefer to be with and choose to be with a white man.  Although we live in a far more liberated and accepting world, the sheer familiarity and social network they have been brought up with brings about an innate mindset that is difficult to change.  Whether we like it or not, a lot of young women still have prejudiced parents who will influence this mentality.
·       30% of white women are indifferent either way.  Most will naturally end up with white men on the law of averages alone, but this isn’t to say they would only date, and settle down, with white men.
·       8% of white women prefer non-white men, but they would with content (or sometimes reluctance) be with a white man.
·       2% of white women firmly prefer non-white men.  With great reluctance, they may later down the line settle for a white man in place of loneliness.

If I’m not far off the mark with this view, a view which would be denied by women no doubt in order to hold down their integrity and morals, then as you can see a majority of white women will still only go for white men.  A decent sized minority are easy either way, whilst a small segment is aroused and attracted by the thing that’s a little bit different to the norm.

Does this align with observational evidence?

Absolutely it does.  Even today, I don’t see too many white women walking hand in hand with non-white men.  As mentioned earlier, a lot to do with this is the percentages alone.  If nine out of ten women are white and nine out of ten men are white, it doesn’t take a genius to work out that unless a huge number of white women abstain from being with white men because of their distastes towards their male race equivalents (which is certainly not the case), most white women will find their ways to white men. 

Going further afield in having visited many countries across the world, I see very little difference elsewhere.  I would go as far to say that based on my four visits to the United States over the last decade, the times my eyes saw mixed-raced couples on a percentage basis were less than the UK.  Europe comes out pretty much the same as my homeland.  Australia?  Maybe a touch more to be fair than the UK or America, but not in huge differential terms. 

What if all else wasn’t equal?

On the back of my mentioning of America consisting in less pronounced numbers of white women with non-white men, I remember mentioning this topic to my mother many years ago when I returned.  She agreed, and she added that the times you do see it they are isolated by and large to the land of famous.  I think what she was alluding to, or as good as saying without quite wanting to say it (as a white woman herself), is that a lot more white women would go for non-white men if fame and money (or at least more financial security) was on the table for them.

Then I bring it back to the UK in terms of the same high-profile spectrum.  This is completely the same.  As a ratio basis, I’d estimate that seeing white women in the celebrity pages with non-white men is at least five-fold greater than in the “real world”.  So ultimately, if non-white men could offer white women at least the same economical blessings, many more white women would go for black, mixed-race and/or (less so) Asian men.

Many women would like to date a white man and black/mixed race man concurrently.  This ideology would allow them to acquire the dependant, reliable, stable and provisioning attributes that are accustomed to white men, whilst they accomplish the better thrills, unpredictability and often physical attributes instrumental to men of black race or mixed-race.

Black, Indian and mixed-race women

It’s near on impossible for me to cover every single female race, therefore I’ll offer a few thoughts based on my experience of the above.

I must be honest and say I’ve never been in a relationship with a black woman.  People of black heritage only represent 3% of the United Kingdom, so this may have a large part to do with it.  However, I think this goes deeper than percentages alone.

I’ve spoken to a gym buddy and good friend I train with whose parents are from St. Kitts and Nevis – hence he is of Afro-Caribbean race – on this, and he agrees with my theory in conjunction with his first-hand greater experience.  I stated that there are far more black men who go for (and sometimes only go for) white women than there are black women who would go for white men.  This will go a long way to explain why there is a large pool of single black women out there.

Women of Indian heritage are quite close to my heart.  They only account for just over 2% of all women in the UK, although in Derby there are more than a few villages which appear highly dominated by people of Indian origin.

The reason I say they are close to my heart is that I receive more direct attention from Indian women than any other female race, even though there are nearly forty times more white women in my local fields.  I find that young Indian women fall into two contrasting categories.  They are either completely shy and timid – to the level of white women perhaps without the high ego and attitude – or they are very forthcoming and confident in approaching and complimenting me.  If you find the right one, they are exceptional loyal, faithful and girlfriend material women.

I believe I receive a lot of attention from Indian women because they are fine-tuned to think I have a stronger Indian heritage than in actuality.  This is all the more common when I have a tan.  Many come across quite disappointed when I tell them I’m half-white and a quarter black.  I believe their attraction onto me is because I offer them the balance between not desiring to date a white man (as many Indian women don’t) yet away from the mundane full Indian guys they are accustomed to day in and day out.  In a way, I’m their version of a bad boy without them straying too far away from their father’s disapproval. 

Finally, onto mixed-race women.  Again, they are so few and far between that it is hard to draw extensive and thorough trends.  As a synopsis, I have found mixed responses and consistencies in their habits in terms of both interaction with me and men in general.  It’s a 50/50 thing for me.  Some strive for a black or mixed-race man, whilst others prefer the white guys out there.

A final thought

As I've alluded to on this blog in the past, I'm pretty sure one reason I give women irritable feelings, combined with messing with their emotions, is because white women can justify going for white men - white men who they likely don't find as sexually arousing as many black or mixed-race men - on the basis that the average white man, despite his lesser physical attractiveness, offers them a far greater life in non-visual metrics.  So when a woman then sees a black or mixed-race man she is sexually aroused by, yet his occupation, assets and charisma are over and above the white man she is with, her rationalisations, in that moment at least, have been eradicated and washed down the drain.  I'd expect, if she is with her white boyfriend or husband in that particular moment, he spends the next few minutes wondering why she has (in a heartbeat) flipped to a bitchy mood.


Sunday, 10 May 2020

Negating women’s sassy and self-complimenting comments

“Don’t feed the beast that already has an oversized belly. 
Feed the creature who lives hand to mouth first.”

In a world where for the last decade at least (bearing in mind a couple of generations that gradually fed it prior, dating back to the 1970s feminist movement) women have been given too much free licence in life in the form of a lack of accountability or responsibility of their actions, over-supplicating and applauding lapdog men who have no idea in how to handle the female existence, a shortage of true leadership and guidance from both parents and male partners, and insincere complimentary actions from men and female counterparts on social media platforms, it is very little surprise that men (in particular sought after men) will face sassy and self-complimenting comments when interacting with women.  The higher quality of the man, the more likely he is to encounter these comments, because women will feel a greater need to simultaneously peg these men down a step or two whilst reluctantly knowing they feel inadequate alongside him, in comparison to the lion’s share of men who they feel superior to up until their (women’s) mid-thirties.  Lo and behold, even a minority of women past this age still act this way.

Prior to lockdown, which now seems a million years ago, when it was actually permitted to walk up to women you were attracted to and pull her hair as a part of early banter, I met a woman who naturally struck my attention.  She was a rare mid-range hot girl in my local area of 8.5/10 (8.75/10 at an absolute push), and when I engaged in conversation I could sense her immediate liking for me and receptiveness.  She pointed out early on that she hadn’t been in a relationship for nearly two years, to which I responded that I like girls such as her who don’t just hop from one boyfriend to another for the purpose of validation and fear of loneliness, and in contrast they would rather be single for longer if it meant waiting for the right guy.

She was 23 at the time, although I thought she looked 25 or 26.  She thought I was 26, to which I just smirked and asked her if she was some kind of age guessing genius, although in the first couple weeks I never told her I was in fact in excess of ten years older than her.  If they don’t ask directly, why tell?  Unfortunately, it didn’t take long for her to somehow find out, which by no mean coincidence coincided in when she started to cool off.

When I came clean, this is (give or take a word or two and correcting her grammar) what she came back with:
“Hey, thanks for the message, it explains a lot.  I didn’t realise your age and it is a massive no for me.  I know you don’t want to hear this but your brother is older than my Dad so it makes me feel uncomfortable so I would rather we didn’t speak again.  I hope you find what you’re looking for though, sorry x.”

First and foremost, don’t believe the bullshit that she didn’t realise my age.  The reason she, or women generally, would claim this is because they could not bear the thought of admitting they did some research on man to find out more on him.  This would show she is/was interested, perish the thought (in a female ego driven world where they need to believe he is more interested in her than the inverse).

It would have been easy for me to just not respond to this message.  Most men, and the former me included, would have thanked her so much for the explanation in hope that one day she changes her mind in realising what a great guy I am.  What I did, a few hours later, was respond with this (give or take a couple of words):
“Wow that means he was 18 years having you before my brother’s first, let alone his youngest!  No need to apologise at all, I’m sorry you thought I was so young and yes agree we’ll stay out of each other’s way x.”

There are a few pointers here which negated her sassy comment, and put her back in her place:

·       Her comment about her Dad’s age was a concurrent attempt to dig at me and compliment herself.  She was basically construing I was too old whilst endorsing her youthfulness, and her family’s young age in relativity.  By me shooting it back in years context of when to have kids, I fired two bullets from one trigger.  First, it illustrated how my brother had is freedom, independence and fun days for as long as possible, and then had kids.  Second, it alludes to how her father having princess at an age before his 19th birthday was a waste of his youth. 
·       Although I’m not an advocator of men saying the word “sorry” to a woman often, in this case it worked because effectively her insincere “sorry” was a way to make out I’m losing out on such a prized asset as her.  Again, a self-compliment.  By flipping it to me being the one who should apologize, it makes her think that I’m actually not going to lose any sleep over it.

Q-tip 1:
Women rarely apologise or say sorry with sincerity.  There is usually something for them to gain by saying the word.

·       I apologised in her thinking I was (hence I looked) younger than she thought.  Women are very crafty at complimenting their youth between the age of 18 to 23 (and women will do this at an older age too if they are accompanying men who are older), but the reality is most women don’t physically age very well.  Not many women look younger than their birth certificate shows.  Again, I turned her sassy comment into an actual compliment to myself.
·       By me firmly agreeing for us to stay out of each other’s way, it once more shows it’s no skin off my nose.  Deep down for ego purpose, she would have loved me to respond with words to the effect of me wanting to still talk when we collided.  Always be a man who can easily walk to the next project once the last project has finished.

She never came back with anything, which tells its own story.

A woman self-complimenting

Nevertheless, if the above anecdote is based more on sassy comments on a woman’s behalf mixed with cryptic self-complimentary messages, you will also face times in your life when women will make far more unhidden and unapologetic direct self-compliments.

A good few years ago now, I was in a medium-term relationship with a low-end hot woman who was, ironically, turning 28 a couple of days after the day of this story. She was an 8/10 in physical attractiveness, but she thought she was a 9/10. I sense part of this over-leveraged self-grade was down to a mother who had given her false hope and expectations in life, but also her recent claim that she had the opportunity to date a millionaire shortly before I came onto the scene.

Towards the back end of the relationship (we were together for just over six months), we went to an all-day wedding of one of my close friends.  After the day event had closed but before the evening room was set up, the party of around a hundred adults only all went to the venue bar for some interim drinks.  One of the groom’s friends was there with his wife, and as we stood waiting to be served at the bar she started looking and smiling at me whilst my girlfriend was alongside me.  She then started to compliment my look, stating how gorgeous I was and that I should take up modelling.  I could sense the amalgamated look on my girlfriend’s face of trying to look happy but struggling to hide the anguish.

When the two us went for a sit down a few minutes later for some private time, my girlfriend started to subtly dig at me in saying I should have paid for a room at the hotel in order for us to freshen up.  I was unemployed at the time!  She then went on to say:
“I don’t think you realise how lucky you are to have me.”
This was repeated by her a couple of more times in the conversation.

It is times like this when I would love to rewind time and be the person I am now back then.  Whilst I do not recall agreeing with her, I do remember just trying to appease her and making her happy.  This is what I should have said:
“Sweetheart, let it be said I’m happy to be with you, but I’d be lying if I said I’m grateful and lucky to be with you.  I mean, you heard the woman a few minutes ago and what she said about me.  I bet she does not say that about many, if any, men.  So whilst I am happy to be with you, in supply and demand terms I can’t say I’m lucky to be with you unless you want me to lie, which I’m not prepared to do.  But I will meet you halfway and say we’re equally lucky to have each other.  Happy with that, babe?”

The purpose behind the above is negating her self-compliment.  It isn’t nasty, it cannot be proven to be jerkish (although of course a lot of it is meant with amusement inside), and most of all it brings her back to the wonderful world of reality.

Q-tip 2:
If a woman isn’t pegged back in her place early on in the relationship, the beast will just grow and grow.  Treat it like a nail in a tyre.  If you don’t puncture it in, the inflation gauge can give infinite pressure to keep driving to further destinations.

Saturday, 4 April 2020

Women who remain in your eternal memory

“Don’t cut your flowers and keep your wreaths.”

In spite of coming across as a cynic in romanticism, relationship longevity likelihood and female misdemeanour terms – as, in the main, a by-product of experience, opening my eyes and ears, and acknowledging and accepting what truly goes on in life – the fact is I was, hand on heart, a romantic at heart many years ago. 

Whilst I’m far happier and productive in life as the man who signed up to the reality of red pill truisms in replacement of blue bill ideology, the down side of a man living in the real world, in full acknowledgement that anything can happen when face to face with romance, is that I perhaps never quite reach the pinnacle of love than when my once naivety allowed me to.  Don’t get me wrong, I was never a man with his head in the clouds in this respect, but I did allow my heart to open up far more easily back then.  This phase in my life was concurrent with not really knowing how women’s minds worked in love, lust, and all counts of relationship, dating or fornication aspects.  In a weird kind of way, I even miss being that innocent thinking guy on isolated occasions of today.

It’s also somewhat perplexing that despite being a man who has never settled down, and naturally because of this circumstance I have experienced casual sexual intimacy and short/medium term relationships with far more women than the average man, there are a select few women who will always stay in my memory until my dying day.  It still amazes me how I could go months or years without even a second’s thought towards them, yet one day or random occasion can bring back those all those treasured moments in my mind.  Maybe it is the current predicament of self-isolation that is giving us all more time to stray with the fairies, but I recall one particular young woman who epitomizes this reminiscent habit.

The story goes….

It is over ten years ago now, and me and a friend went to Cancun, Mexico on a week’s vacation in the early part of June.  The first couple of nights weren’t too eventful, consisting of jet-lag adrenalin on the first evening and dabbling with American girls on the next.  By the third night, we went to a club arranged by the hotel, and by not much later than midnight I already felt quite pissed.  I remember having drinks vouchers to use, but at that moment I just joined the queue for a water in order to sober up a bit.

As I made the end of the bar, from recollection it was like the bar staff ignored me whether by accident or deliberation.  This enforced me to join the back of the queue once more.  I recalled a tall, long blonde-haired woman in the corner of my eye behind me as we queued, and as I walked to the back of the queue, so did she.  In understandable but broken English, she said to me:
“Could you please do me a favour and order my drink, because I think they are ignoring me.”
When I looked at the writing on the voucher, it stated ‘Sex on the Beach’.  I just smirked and nodded to myself, casually then looking across to her, but the smile on her face as she looked me in the eye was a giveaway that she was fully attracted to me. 
I acquired her drink and my water, and she asked me where I was from.  When I joked that it is England even though I don’t look English, she told me she was German but had lived in the United States for the last six years.  She was of Caucasian race, but with a glowing natural tan.  We had a brief five-minute chat, including the fact I had been in Germany only a couple of weeks previous, and I think she was equally impressed and amused as I poorly attempted a few lines in German to her.  She was only 18 at the time, although I thought, and my friends agreed, that she looked nearer 22 or 23.
If I’m brutally honest, she wasn’t then, and wouldn’t be today if the day was relived, my absolute type.  I was always more instinctively attracted to long haired brunettes of around 5ft 4” to 5ft 6” height, and this woman was blonde and a fraction over 5ft 10” wearing flats.  She asked me if I would like to help her find her friends, to which as I nodded, she grabbed my hand.  We found them after a few minutes, and I could sense how proud she was to introduce me to them.  For the record, my mate was with another group of men from our hotel.  I would never just leave a friend stranded when it is only two of us.

As the night went on, my attraction onto her grew by the minute.  She was facially as pretty as you would see on any female out there, with perfect teeth to suit.  Her body was of curvaceous dimensions that I crave for – not too skinny, but just right.  Nice and firm natural breasts, natural nails, lip gloss as opposed to lipstick, and classy dressed without over-trying. 

But a close second to all the physical attributes was her personality.  Granted, the language (especially in a loud nightclub) was a slight problem due to English not being her mother tongue, but I don’t recall not understanding anything she said.  As we sat down for a bit and occasionally kissed, it was clear she was not someone who slept around and who could be great girlfriend material. 

As the night drew to a close and I waited for a taxi, she made sure I took her mobile number.  I texted her the next afternoon informing which nightclub we were planning to go to that night, but I received no response.  I remember being a bit gutted at the time, but hey ho, just another woman in a holiday of thousands.  At least this is what I was trying to tell myself, anyway.  In physical attractiveness terms I was more than confident in finding another woman who could get my balls just as hard and be as objectively hot.  At the end of the day, when there are thousands and thousands of American and Canadian (and a decent to small percentage of Mexican and British women respectively) in their late teens to early twenties, how hard would this be!?  Nevertheless, I do remember thinking how much harder it would be to find someone who comes across as far more pure, loyal, faithful, compatible and likeable. 

That next night came around, and as we went to the nightclub, I bumped into another English guy who had hooked up with her friend that same previous night.  He told me the woman I met had seen me and really wanted me to go up to her once more.  I was a bit bewildered considering she hadn’t replied that day, but I did venture up to her.  She immediately said she was disappointed I hadn’t contacted, to which I immediately showed her the text.  The glee in her face was all to be seen – totally genuine and not faked to cover up bullshit – as she said I had inputted the wrong overseas dialling code in.  Basically, she never received the text because of this.

Our attraction grew that night, but even with very little game or knowledge of female emotional psychology back then, I still had subconscious thought-process that I was in control of things.  Deep down I knew she liked me more than the inverse, although come the following night I felt the gap was being bridged.  In a weird way I was falling for her, even though in theory the next night was my last night (her penultimate night) to see her and the last night we would ever see each other in our lives. 

So along came the final night.  We both knew we were, with our respective hotel parties, going to a club called Coco Bongo.  It was a huge two-level nightclub, and I didn’t see her anywhere for the first hour.  I was really close to just leaving alone, as I had no interest to be with any other woman.  I recall taking a toilet break and thinking I won’t let my pride get in the way, so I text her stating a recognizable meeting place.  As I sent my text, almost like magic one came into me from her asking if I was in Coco Bongo.  Like further magic, as I read the text, I looked to my right to see a frustrated looking tall blonde staring at her phone.  As our eyes met it was just like an act of fate from the big man above.  No matter what happened from there on in, I think we both just wanted closure from that last night.  Anything from there was just a case of what will be will be.

Time that night (maybe four hours together) felt like a matter of minutes.  We parted ways, and she asked me to text when I arrived home safe.  As it turned out, I text her before my flight the next day.  Again, this text didn’t get through, but when I arrived back in England I looked at my phone and there were texts from her, sent during her last night in Senor Frogs, saying how much she missed me.

The long and the short from there was that I suggested we tried to continue this “thing” we had.  I knew she was back in Germany for the summer which logistically made things a bit easier, and she without hesitation agreed.  I wasn’t sure if she was just appeasing me by saying yes, but it was clear in the coming days that she was a rare woman with more walk than talk.  Most women are the opposite – they talk the talk, but don’t back it up with actions.

We did continue things for a few months, going back and forth on flights, but naturally it fizzled out.  If I look back, in hindsight I didn’t make a good transition from being the one less keen to being the one who tried harder than the other.  I don’t think it had too much of a negative effect on things though, as she was more inclined towards nice guys than the average woman, but my giving, appeasing and endeavouring ways definitely didn’t help.

Q-tip 1:
You will often be faced with a balance to strike, and time doesn't always allow you to evaluate the balance you should take.  The general rule of thumb is that the more physically attractive a man is, the more leeway he has to be nice (and get away with it, sometimes even be looked upon favourably being this way) with women, and the less leeway, or at least less required inclination, he has to act more like a jerk.  Nevertheless, this school of thought has to be assessed in association with the rule of thumb that the hotter the woman is, the more she is attracted to and will sway towards jerks (hence will give jerks more leeway for being jerky), and the less she is attracted towards nice guys (hence the more put off she is with nice guy traits).

The rarest of woman

I’ve been involved in adult relationships of any kind with women for over fifteen years of my life, and I think this anecdote is testament to how many women you will meet in your life who truly leave a mark on your existence.  Not many at all, that’s for sure.  I’d go as far to say that you may get three opportunities at the most in a lifetime to meet a woman who hits all, or nearly all, the boxes.  By the way, this goes for women too in finding men.

The woman at the heartbeat of this post not only hit me on a physical attractiveness level, but she was someone I enjoyed being with in companion terms too.  I could trust her, in the small timeframe we were together, and over time, and more pertinently at that time in my life, I could have married her.  We never actually discussed the subject, but I think she had only slept with one other man before me.  If the truth be told, you could tell she lacked experience in this department.  It’s not inconceivable I was her first, but if I was a betting man I’d go with my former bet.

Because how many hot women have I met in my life who instigated the interest with me?  Not many at all.  This isn’t to say that many other women haven’t approached me, it’s just not what I would call hot women.  This is simply because 99% of hot women would not proact with a man on equal looks terms, or even slightly below, as they prefer the ego thrill rush of a lesser looking man.  The hot women I have dated have, naturally, waited for me to make the move.

But what I liked about this woman was that whilst she was proactive, she delivered it concurrently to innocence and shyness characteristics.  It was as if her physical urge outweighed her inhibitions and ego, and she would put her heart first.  Finding women like this in today’s word is like finding rocking horse shit. 

Q-tip 2:
Love does exist, and when found it is the most powerful, valuable and memorable commodity you will ever buy.  What is even more special is that is comes for free.  Unfortunately, love is like an item on your grocery list.  It is ultimately perishable, with a short to medium term shelf life.