Friday, 17 September 2021

Meeting women at the gym

 

“You can’t shoot a canon out of a canoe.”

  

As the dwindling numbers of people going out to bars and nightclubs shows no sign of slowing down (and nearly always consist of a high male to female ratio representation), not that either venue was ever regarded as a great place for most men to meet decent women, the gym isn’t a half bad place to meet attainable women (or non-single women who are happy to adulterate) you would like to take things further with.  Granted, it’s not the best or ideal place either, but then again, the world wasn’t designed to be ideal or simple.

As I have gone on record in the past, any statistics based on honest answers will derive in the majority of couples meeting via friendship/acquaintance/family networks.  Not far off this cohabitation compartment will be those who met at a working environment.  This results in less than a fifty percent chance to meet a woman through another passage, and the gym will be one of those.

I came across this link on a recent day when my mind was running curious with me.  It’s not clear if the author is a woman, but even if it is there is enough logic consisting within the article that tells me it isn’t a usual woman with her head in the clouds.  Most women writing about how men should proact with them will lead with their egos (hence what makes women feel best about themselves), and not necessarily what is beneficial for said man in order for the target woman to be attracted to him.

Nevertheless, there are parts I agree with and elements I contest.  I document each one (for the purpose of abbreviation, some of the text is not copied in) and then give my verdict in comparison:

8 Etiquette Tips for Impressing a Girl at the Gym

1.     Aim to impress her with your personality, not your muscles.

Many guys make the mistake of trying to impress girls with their bulging biceps rather than their charming personalities. Always remind yourself that it's your personality and charisma that will help you to impress a girl at the gym.

Vi Nay verdict: Agree

As stated many times on this blog, the vast majority of women are more interested in non-visual aspects to a man’s desirables than his physical allure - when it comes to boyfriend selection.  Most women are put off by male posers who try too hard (yet these are men who often come across as insecure).

2.     Don't try to impress her with how much weight you can lift.

Many guys also make the mistake of believing that the amount of weight they lift is directly proportional to how impressive they look at the gym. This is totally untrue, especially from a girl's perspective.

Vi Nay verdict: Agree

Nothing more needs to be said!

3.     Use relaxed body language; don't act stiff and puffed up.

Puffing up and keeping your body stiff in an attempt to impress girls is a common sign of attraction in men. But this can also make you look like a weird muscle freak at the gym.

Vi Nay verdict: Agree

In essence, any body language that looks stressed, unnatural and try-hard is a turn off to any woman worth having.  Women sense this as a sign of weakness in a man, and in contrast interpret relaxed and genuine male body language as a signal of strength and protection.

4.     Don't stare at a girl while she is working out.

Staring at a girl continuously while she is working out will make her think that you're some kind of weirdo. You can look at a girl by stealing a few flirty glances, but don't keep staring at her like a pervert.

Vi Nay verdict: Agree

Much depends on how much hotter the girl is than you, but generally speaking this advice is sound.  A firm balance of a smirky look at her (so she knows you find her attractive) is not a bad thing, but anything beyond this and her mind will be automated to think you are too interested.

5.     Don't act obsessed with your workout.

You will look like a gym freak if you seem obsessed and meticulous about your workouts all the time. It is good to be dedicated to your training routine, but you will turn a woman off if you seem too aggressive.

Vi Nay verdict: Agree

Grunting, dropping weights, and looking at yourself in the mirror not during a set once more smacks out desperation, insecurity, attention-seeking and try hard mentality in a man.  No woman worth having desires to see this, and more importantly, no woman worth having is attracted to it.

6.     Smell nice; wear a nice men's cologne

Smelling nice should be a number one priority if you want to impress a girl at the gym. Apply a pleasant-smelling deodorant or cologne before you reach the gym.

Vi Nay verdict: Totally agree

Three to four sprays of a nice eau de toilette accompanied by a generous spray of nice deodorant (after washing your armpits of course) will allow a man to stand out from the crowds of either neutral scent or poor odour men.  I disperse this without fail, and I can sense how much women like it.  Some women transparently linger over longer than required just to sample a sniff.  Even an average looking man can significantly increase his overall appeal to women when smelling good.

7.     Wipe off that sweat—carry a personal gym towel with you at all times.

Most girls will agree that the sight of a guy dripping in sweat is generally a turn-off. Everyone expects you to be a little sweaty at the gym, but that doesn't mean you should leave puddles of sweat all over the workout floor.

Vi Nay verdict: Partly disagree

Not sure on this one.  At the moment my gym still has a rule to use the gym paper and sanitizers to wipe down after use.  Towels are forbidden.  Personally, I prefer this.  I don’t think walking around with a sweaty towel is a benefit (unless you are an uncontrollably sweaty man), and from my recent experience, women are attracted to the minority of men who take the time to wipe down the benches and equipment via gym hygiene supplies.

8.     Build a rapport with everyone at the gym.

A girl will instantly notice you in the gym if you're the guy who knows just about everyone on the gym floor. Build a rapport with the trainers, gym staff, and others who generally come to the gym around the same time of day as you.

Vi Nay verdict: Partly agree

On the one hand, women are obsessed by male social proof and popularity, therefore it backs up the argument that men should interact with as many people as possible.  On the other hand, if a woman sees a man who is constantly talking and rarely training, she will look upon this in a negative form.  A balance should be struck.  With all that said, if a cute or hot woman sees you talking to a woman of similar physical attractiveness level to her, this will be worth the same as fifty men talking to you. 

The list goes on…

There are more tips on meeting /conversing and fashion within the article.  Most are self-explanatory, so unless any of you would like elaboration on any of the points, I’ll leave it at that.

The one point however that I must pull the author up on is the ridiculous suggestion to add her on Facebook once you have broken the ice with her.  Where to start on how this is an awful idea, but as a few bullet points:

·       There is no need to know anything more personal about a woman during the first conversation than her first name.  Likewise, with her not knowing any more about you.  If a man asks to connect with a woman on social media after five or ten minutes of conversation, the likelihood is she thinks you are about to digitally stalk her in the next hour.  When a woman thinks you are too interested too soon, her interest in you will move in the opposite direction.

·       The author states that it will give the two of you more to talk about when next speaking at the gym.  This should be almost irrelevant, as if you have talked for a few minutes then the next meet up should be on a date, so to speak.  Simply put, you should have asked her out and not felt the need to find out more about her via Facebook. 

·       The author states a Facebook connection will allow you to ask her about her life.  Bad idea in this respect.  First, once more it shows you are stalking her too soon in the “get to know her” phase.  Second, it can construe as a man being too interested in her.  Third, it can allow a woman to think the man sees her life as so much more dramatic, busier and popular than his own.  Women are turned on by a busy man getting on with his own life, not men who obsess over a woman’s goings on.

·       Social media – whether through pictures, videos, messages received/sent etc – can allow the mind to paint a negative picture of another person.  In the early stages, a man should give a woman a clean piece of paper and let her prove she is good girlfriend material.  If you produce a perception of a woman based over and above getting to know her on face value, you may as well be acting as a woman does so in the inverse scenario. 

All in all, I agree with most of what is documented.  Like anything though, base your thoughts on your honest and objective experiences gained from your own two eyes.


Acknowledgements

Pairedlife.com

Friday, 10 September 2021

Male scents impacting on women’s attraction

 

“As long as we have a choice, we have a chance.”

 

Where does time go when you consider this post was written nearly seven years ago.  Has much changed in your life since then?  I guess in all walks of life, certain aspects seem like a million years ago in so far as similarity to once was, whilst other things have completely stood still.  I digress…

The narrative

There is a young blonde in the gym I go to who I first saw a few months ago.  She’s pretty cute and has a good figure, although I doubt she is a day over twenty.  She strikes the no man’s land female character of walking around with a level of self-consciousness and slight nervousness, yet she clearly holds strong desires to meet a potential boyfriend in there.  She has given indicators of interest to at least another couple of men in that I've seen.  She is friendly enough on the face of it, in fact on the couple of occasions when it appeared she was waiting for the same machine as me, she has been more than receptive.

It’s dawned on me three times now that the “waiting” and walking to the same equipment has not been a coincidence.  Just the other day she walked up to the area I had been working out, to which I swiftly moved on.  She then, after moving to another part of the gym in looking disinterested in doing any productive training, walked towards another area where I had been training.

Although I had moved at least five yards away, after wiping it down, from the relative equipment on the second occasion in order to perform cool down stretching (therefore it was obvious I had finished there), she came up to me and asked if I had finished.  Once more, she was more than amiable.  I can think of dozens of women of over the years who would go out there way to avoid being even close to me or not talking to me, therefore I can only applaud girls like her.  Nevertheless, considering she is young enough to be a potential love child of mine (and she looks as young as she is, assuming she is nineteen), I felt somewhat awkward to be near her.

Q-tip 1:

It’s a forgivable task for a man to feel a little sorry for a woman like her – someone who attains a likeable persona and who clearly wants a man in her life.  Nevertheless, always remember that a cute woman will conceivably have at least a dozen male suitors who would give their right arm to be with her.  The problem lies that, and in particular at her young age, she wouldn’t want to be with any of them.

Why on these occasions?

There are a few reasons her lingering was more pronounced than usual.  I highlight the main three:

·       Women will hold uncontrollable moves to be near certain men within a small window in their menstrual cycle.  Rather than me go on about it now, read this previous post for an extensive explanation.  I’d hedge a fair bet she was either at the start or slap bang in the middle of her most fertile week.  The fact she was wearing hot pants for the first time in there that I’d seen only reinforces this likelihood.

·       Nearly all women are attracted to older men on a natural and instinctive basis.  Women who go for younger men are generally acting out a role of pleasuring their own egos rather than pleasuring their hearts.  Whilst most women therefore do prefer older men, the number of years older does depend on the woman herself.  Whilst in a minority, I’ve known more than a small number of women in their teens or early twenties who will actively (or at least be totally receptive to his advances) be attracted to men who are ten, fifteen or even twenty years their senior.  Once more, I get the feeling she is one of these young women.

·       I was sporting a fresh haircut from the day prior.  A trim for a man usually makes him look two to three years younger than before his visit to the hairdresser.  Once more, a younger woman (or more to the point, a younger looking woman) will take kindly to an older man looking that bit more youthful than usual.

·       A certain type of male fragrance can attract a certain type of woman.  On this particular day I just so coincidentally happened to be wearing a younger man’s eau de toilette in comparison to a more mature fragrance.  This may come across as a contradiction to my exposition regarding her liking towards older men, but it also goes in line with how a younger woman will like an older looking man (older looking than herself) who dresses and smells closer to her age.

Age dependant fragrances

Irrespective of a man’s age, it is still beneficial for a man to armour himself with a number of different fragrances.  Not only does this separate him from the predictability factor of a woman always knowing what he will smell like, but it also provides him with a level of flexibility in attracting various women who walk past his footsteps.

And I would expect that most men who aren’t already committed to one woman (and many men who are happy to adulterate too) will go through phases when they would like to sleep with differing types of women.  One month you may like slimmer women with smaller tits, yet the next month may be more lookout time for curvaceous broads with bigger baps?  This week it may be blondes, but tomorrow it could be brunettes or a rare redhead?  Maybe you aren’t a man who only likes women with longer hair, and you have spells of a girl with a bob style?  Perhaps you spin plates in your mind with various female race, culture, nationalities, or skin colour?  And finally, are you currently in the phase of women younger than you, but soon it will be those a bit older or closer to your age?

Which fragrances for which women?

I’m not going to front, and I have to concede that I still own a few last drops of those fragrances owned seven or more years ago.  Lost potency?  More than probable.  With that said, there are some additions.  This is how I would compartmentalize female preference:

Fragrance                                                                               Female Age Group

Yves Saint Laurent Intense                                                    >31

Dolce & Gabbana Light Blue                                                  26 to 30

Mont Blanc Legend                                                                 26 to 30, >31

Mont Blanc Legend Intense                                                    26 to 30, >31

Armani code                                                                            23 to 25, 26 to 30

Armani code Profumo                                                             18 to 22, 23 to 25

Hugo Boss The Scent Intense                                                26 to 30, >31

Viktor & Rolf Spicebomb                                                         26 to 30, >31

Viktor & Rolf Spicebomb Fresh                                               26 to 30

Hollister So Cal                                                                       18 to 22, 23 to 25, 26 to 30

Hollister So Cal Sunset                                                           18 to 22

Abercrombie & Fitch Fierce                                                    18 to 22, 23 to 25

Hugo Boss Bottled Intense                                                     26 to 30

Issey Miyake L’Eau D’Issey                                                    All female ages

Dior Homme Parfum                                                               26 to 30, >31

Hugo Boss Bottled The Night                                                 23 to 25, 26 to 30

Prada Luna Rosa                                                                   18 to 22, 23 to 25

Tom Ford Black Orchid                                                           26 to 30, >31

Tom Ford Velvet Orchid                                                          26 to 30

Q-tip 2:

Absence of absolution and with consideration to against the law of averages, the more (within reason) feminine or moderately sweet the scent, the more likely the younger the woman to who it will attract and appeal to.  Conversely, the more masculine or vetiver the scent, the greater likelihood it will attract and appeal to their older female counterparts. 

A final thought

Whilst I haven’t exactly been stamping in data on my phone when observing the relationship between each fragrance and the women it appeared to attract and ignite, I do have a knack of my subconscious thoughts later manifesting to conscious realization.  With this in mind, all the above is based on my honest experience.

It is also important and worthwhile noting that a certain male fragrance on one man can often smell different to the equivalent on another man.  Each man’s skin will enhance, or otherwise, certain aroma.  This is always why, prior to investment, that you ensure the respective fragrance is sampled on your skin and left to settle for at least five minutes, and not sprayed on a perfume card or similar that are supplied at airports or department stores.  I’ve made this mistake at least once in my life.

As a final caveat to the above, if a woman acts with considerably less maturity than her birth certificate reflects (which is a large and growing percentage of women in modern western society), there are greater odds that she will be more inclined to go for men smelling of younger male fragrances.  On the other hand, and like the woman in this anecdote, women who act with maturity and personality beyond their years will be more open to odours (good ones!) identified with older men.

Wednesday, 1 September 2021

How Attraction Works: the missing key points

 

“The best investment you will ever make is the investment in yourself.”

  

A reader asks for my thoughts on this video link.  In a moment I will do such that.

A repulsive listening

Just yesterday I met up with a chap who used to go to my former gym.  As I don’t see him any more on a regular basis, we meet up for a coffee every few months.

The man I reference is a good deal older than me, in fact he is now retired and has two grown up children.  After the story he elaborated on about his son and the son’s adulterating psycho ex-wife, he then mentioned that his daughter had also been cheated on by her ex-husband.  Two out of two for infidelity statistics!

He went on to say that his daughter has a new partner who is a bit older than her.  Then came the repulsive words when he informed me that the new man in her life is so gratified to be with her, to the point where he regularly documents comments on social media illustrating how lucky he is to be with her and how he is boxing above his weight.  Puke!

Q-tip:

No matter what the objective leverage is regarding the woman you are with (which will usually be her higher physical attractiveness), never let her consciously aware you believe this to be the case.  Instead, allow her to know how she is fortuitous to be with you, or at the very least how the relationship is mutual and equal blessed.  Once a woman gets a sniff that you are overly grateful to be with her, you consequently don’t receive the best out of her in return.

The video link

The problem with Youtubers who talk about emotional psychology – men and women alike (although the female members will usually inform men what they think they want, rather than what they do) – is that they select large parts in explanation that are accurate, but then the political corrective words and need to create the largest audience take over.  What this means is most of the time, like the guy in this video, they conveniently exclude many of the real reasons and truisms to the actual reality.

Attraction Explained

At 1:20 he uses a very good analogy on the car purchase scenario.  In real language, both men’s and women’s eyes are instinctively drawn to members of the opposite sex, but his version is rather generic that humans then, in reflection, choose for something that isn’t too flash but likewise something they aren’t disgusted by. 

What I’d like to have seen him spell out further is the difference between how men and women act with the item that catches their eye in the first instance.  For enhanced credibility and accuracy, he needed to explain how most men will pretty much always, with no commitment (but often having commitment) obstacles, hold predilections to take it further with a woman who arouses him the most to have sex with.  Very little else comes into play.  On the other hand, even if a woman cannot take her eyes off a man simultaneous to fantasizing in her mind what he does to her, the vast majority of women will not desire to take it any further than that with him.  In summary, a man will buy the car if he can afford it, whilst the woman will look at it but walk past and purchase something with lower maintenance.

The relationship between ATTRACTION and SEX

At 2:55 he uses a key phrase of – “While attraction is not a choice, acting on it is.”  No truer words will ever be said.  He then goes on to add, very well it should be said, how attraction (or a lack of attraction he alludes to with respect to the dinner date) and sex are linked.

He states that attraction and sex are situational driven.  True again.  What he could have detailed were more scenarios where a woman will have sex with a man based on her differing emotions.  I’ll do it for him:

1)    Good sex based on uncontrollable and natural sexual arousal

2)    Social proof

3)    To feel loved, attractive, and better about herself (even if she isn’t totally aroused by the man she has sex with)

4)    Desperation and to not feel lonely or be alone (whether immediate or longer term)

5)    False female projection – where a woman is fully into him and believes that having sex with him on the first night will lead him to want to be with her as boyfriend

6)    To show off to her friends, and attempts to prove she is a great catch and men can’t resist her (kind of an amalgamation between 2 and 3)

7)    Mutual needs – ranging from friends with benefits (and non-commitment) no strings sex, to very little physical attraction but for validation and companionship

At 5:55 he talks about sex without attraction.  He pertinently mentions prostitution, gold digger dynamics and arranged marriages in terms of when it can happen.  I would also subscribe to say that many women will have sex with men for the purposes of 2), 3), 4) and 6), although I will concede that this is more likely when she has little to moderate sexual attraction towards said man, rather than none at all.  In other words, this will explain why so many cute and hot women are with mediocre looking boyfriends.  She isn’t disgusted by him, and there is just about enough sexual attraction alongside the other mitigating factors she benefits from.

Value & Attraction / Evolutionary Attraction

At 6:35 he ventures onto value and attraction.  I particularly like the stage at 7:30 where he dissects how evolution, or effectively varying generations, impact on how value and attraction entwine.  At 8:20 he demonstrates how the jerky boy, no prospects, lower class tattooed guy can have far more sexual activity than the professional man who has all the provisioning infrastructure in place.

Once more, this topic needs a lot more divulgence. 

·       For starters, the woman in this case may pick either man based on female age at the time.  Needless to say, women younger than 23 years of age are far more likely to pick Biker Boy than women post 23. 

·       Another obvious variable is a woman’s physical attractiveness.  Irrespective of age, men with high social proof/popularity desirability (even if only average looking men) are more likely to be seen with cute and hot women in comparison to less physically alluring women who will scout for the dependable nice guy.

·       Finally, female social class as pointed out in this previous post plays a huge part too.  All else equal, a woman from a lower social class will screen for the jerk, whilst a woman from a higher social class will exert greater efforts to be with the professional man.

A final thought

He could have also, with the guts to not be politically correct and worry about upsetting anyone, gone further into female situational attraction.  As a non-exhaustive brainstorming exercise myself - female age, options with men, the number of female (or male lapdog) friends implication on her social options, her physical beauty level, her place of residence (is it highly populated with lots going on, or just small town/village with limited event pastimes?), or innate character build up (is she a homely girl who likes a solid boyfriend, or more of a girl’s girl who likes to party?) all play a part on a woman’s ultimate choice in men, and how her visceral attraction may or may not be acted upon.

A few words by him – something that was alluded by me above and has never been more applicable in recent decades than the last eighteen months – is how the pandemic and social restrictions have hugely connected women’s choice over attraction.  With fewer social options, women are far more inclined (and forced upon) to go for boyfriend time than fun time with edgier men.

A final, final thought

The big missing piece to this jigsaw is based around how the modern-day social pressures on women to look good have compounded, in addition to media/social media exposure showing vast numbers of other women looking far more glamorous than they naturally are.  This manifests to create far more doubts in a woman’s mind in relation to her overall value to the world, which will often mean she doesn’t go for the best man she can secure.  What she will do instead, in order to mitigate this predicament, is look for a man who makes her feel better about herself.


Acknowledgements

Youtube.com

Tuesday, 17 August 2021

Do women really chase men?

 

“When there’s nothing clever to do, the temptation is trying to be clever.” 

 

As an immediate disclaimer, I am not the creator of the link to be shown or the beneficiary of any subscription.  I came across it by no more than chance when it was an advert shown prior to searching for a music video.  My instincts were to take a nosy at it. 

Depending on your software formats, this link may be available on audio, or it may alternatively only be viewed in text.  I listened to the audio version, although at times I started to lose interest when, in my opinion, it slowly moved from productive advice and realisms onto a little far-fetched reality.  

Nevertheless, it does point out some critical factors that manifest in women finding a man more attractive.  Every single factor will have been covered in this blog on more than one occasion, however for the purpose of amalgamation and time I will bullet point what the creator views as the reasons: 

1)    Social proof / status

2)    Pre-selection (mainly by other women’s attraction, but also by other male attention)

3)    Female jealousy

4)    Female competition

5)    Male self-entitlement

6)    Male options with many women

I’m not going to elaborate on each reason, simply because by now it should be self-explanatory.  You can also screen through my archives for dedicated posts.  The trend is clear though. Women are far more sexually attracted to a man when they have to fight to win his love. 

Q-tip:

Women, by and large, will tell you the opposite to how they feel and how they want to act out in the face of male appeal.  What a woman will tell you is she loves a man who does everything for her, who lays down the red carpet for her, who makes her feel like a princess, and who shows how happy and privileged he is to be with her.  What she truly desires is the opposite to all this, within feasible reason.  What she truly craves for is to never have a man in the palm of her hands, and especially without a fight to earn this.

Key points to the story

As I alluded to above, the more believable content was at the top-heavy section.  The creator confesses how he is a short, mediocre looking man with no stand-out non-visual desirables.  This would most likely make him a bit below average in overall male sought-after standards.  By no means should men of this level give up on ever finding a decent looking woman, but only a minority will strike to secure a cute, or even hot, woman.  This is in spite of most women wanting to be with lesser looking men, but there is only so far most women will drop down in both male physical attractiveness and overall male appeal levels.

He states that numerous women declined his advances or never took it to the next level despite his unequivocal niceness.  There won’t be many honest men out there who haven’t fallen flat on their faces in this, what once seemed, illogical course of events.  Most young men, or men of any age without a level of experience with women, will believe in the logics that the nicer and more giving you are to a woman, the more you will get in return.  With time, experience and know-how, you realize the inverse is far more common.  This is all the more applicable in terms of the more physically attractive the woman is.

The turn of fortune event

He narrates that the big light bulb moment in acknowledging what attracts women the most, in particular if you are not a good-looking man, is social proof.  Women started to become intrigued in his existence when other men had written various stuff on his t-shirt and were congregating around him in making him the centre of attention.  Whilst the jury is still out on me being convinced that the most attractive women will swarm around an average looking man who other men are effectively ridiculing, I will concede there is some substance to this.  A woman holds strong inclinations to be popular and be part of a big “in-crowd”, and if a man is creating an audience for himself, she may uncontrollably start to footstep nearer and nearer.  I guess it is like a fat male comedian making an audience of thousands laugh.  A woman will be more attracted to that fat comedian man in comparison to if he was just said fat man walking past her invisible thoughts.

So, if the above paragraph summarises point 1, points 2, 3 and 4 are by-products from this.  The social proof (point 1) from other men brought other women towards him (point 2), and this naturally manufactured further female competition and female jealousy to win his attention away from other women (points 4 and 3 respectively).

The next stage

Perhaps this is the point when I start to call a little bullshit on his self-proclaimed accomplishments.  I get the point that the incident gave him the tap on the head moment to accept what women are attracted to, and he is right in so far that the more women simultaneously entering a man’s life, the more self-entitlement and options with women this will forge (points 5 and 6 from above), however I don't think that just one moment of night success could instantaneously construct a plethora of attractive women (granted, we don’t know if they were attractive or just easy lay less attractive women?) falling by his knees.  An average looking short man will still need a bit more to his armoury than this.

This is where I think the substance of truth in what women desire is his attempt for monetary capitalization.  In other words, I think he has worked out what women want, but he misses out on a lot of pieces to the overall jigsaw.  Of course, I haven’t bought the subscription, therefore I can only go by the audio and text synopsis. 

Caveats to the truth behind women chasing men

In essence, the fundamentals behind what he documents are accurate.  Women are attracted to male popularity and pre-selection, and they are turned on by fighting with other women for his exclusive (and sometimes unexclusive) love.  Be that as it may, it is important to map out some caveats to all this:

·       All else equal, a woman will chase men the most who are 10% to 15% less physically attractive than her own grade.  Below or above this range and the chasing threshold has diminishing returns (to the point where it has no returns if too far below or above this range).

·       Women will usually need proof and knowledge of other women pre-selecting a man in order to chase him.  Sometimes verbal recognition, even if proof is absent, will be enough.

·       All else equal, women ranging from 6.75/10 to 7.5/10 in physical attractiveness will do more chasing than any other section of women.  Women below this range will do less because most men worth chasing are out of their league.  Women above this range will perform less proactive moves because they, by vast majority, hold a mindset that men should chase them.

·       A non-famous good-looking (and in particular a very good-looking, hence 8.5/10 or greater) man will receive fewer female suitors than his above average-looking male counterpart.  This may seem unreasoned, however women are generally more at ease chasing, and being alongside, men of lesser comparative physical aesthetics. 

·       A non-famous good-looking man is far more likely to receive female chasing from a 7/10 (or lower) woman than an 8/10 (or higher) woman.  Once more, this may appear groundless, but the easy explanation is because said 7/10 woman fears rejection less than said 8/10 woman.

·       Famous above-average to good-looking men will only be chased by hot women.

·       Famous but average to below-average looking men will be chased by both hot and cute women.

A final thought

It has to be clarified that female chasing of men (in social environments) is barely at a ratio of 1:20 in relation to male chasing of women.  Sounds obvious, but necessary to spell out.  In the virtual world (hence dating websites), this ratio would be lower than 1:20 (closer to 1:10), however as harsh as this sounds, nearly all this female chasing will be via desperate, lonely and undesirable women on the singles market.

In final conclusion, it also has to be pointed out that, even in today’s faster moving and “never in one place for long” world, most couples you see together are not from the fabrication of a scenario where unknown man sees unknown woman, he advances towards her (hence chases her), and the rest is history as they live happily ever after.  The large majority of couples, irrespective to what surveys may contrive to convince you otherwise, are formed from an existing social network that is usually either through friendship or working links.  In other words, the man didn’t need to do much chasing in the conventional process because he already knew her in the first place.


Acknowledgements

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Tuesday, 20 July 2021

Male physical attractiveness brings about fewer options for relationships with women

 

“Heads I win, tails I only lose a little.”

  

Zachariah gives his life cycle of events with regards to his physical aesthetics on the back of this previous post, and asks for my input on how it can be manifested into some kind of reasoning:

Hi Vinay,

I love your writing. It's helped me more than you could know. 

I’ll ask this here because this article is the most relevant to my question. I know I shouldn’t seek validation from these interactions, but for a time I needed it to rebuild my self-esteem. Analysis does not have to preclude action. 

Anyway, does female attention decrease proportionally past a certain point of attractiveness? Phrased in another way, does female fake body language predominate over direct interest at some point?

 My experience has been this...

- I lost about 40 lbs to get to the average American BMI. Kinda
chubby, but not terrible. This is where I had the most direct
interest from women. Open flirting and whatnot because I
think from a numbers standpoint there are more women in that
range, of course.

- I got quite lean (not six-pack level), but I was lacking
muscle for my height at 6’2”. This is where I’d get deer-in-
the-headlight looks from cute women (like ~7+ range), and the
few conventionally attractive women would act coy with me and
give me approach invitations. Most other women started to
ignore me. This is also the point where I received the most
blushing from girls, giggling, blatant eye-fucking, gaping at
me, etc. 

- Now I’ve moved along the spectrum in leanness and
muscularity. I have a defined six-pack and I’ve added nearly
30 lbs of muscle to my frame.  I know that for sure as I’m
leaner than when I started, and it’s improved my face even
more. Several months ago I noticed women almost never looked
at me directly anymore. They would sneak glances a lot if I
was looking for it, but it was much harder to catch. The vast
majority of the time it feels like deliberate avoidance. I
also noticed something new happened. If a girl looked at my
face and looked surprised, she would rapidly turn her entire
body around to face away from me. It is an unusual body
language cue I started to see constantly. 

I'll give an example of a day from last week. I went to the doctors and there was a young girl there as an assistant. She helped me set up and I did have to take most of my clothes off. But we were just joking around and she was laughing a lot. Literally didn't glance my way once for 30 mins. She'd talk to the wall for the duration of the appointment. I'm not the type to stare and make others uncomfortable either. I have no expectations, but it's just odd to not look even once during conversation. Later that night I went out with a group of friends to several bars. It's like I was invisible there again too, which as I stated before is strange because I used to have women point me out or generally freak out in an obvious way when seeing me. That all happened when I was a bit fatter and I was far less muscular. 

I doubted my facial attractiveness because of my own dysmorphia, but it’s obvious that’s a large contributor to my attractiveness. Especially when I look back as a kid, but childhood trauma has an interesting way of destroying every shred of self-worth you have. I don't want to rely on this superficial attention from strangers, so I'm forcing myself to think outside of that and trust what makes sense. Regardless, I'm curious about your opinion.  


My response:

What you offer as information (and I have read it twice) is nothing that comes as a surprise.  Essentially you have experienced the lineal predictable response from women as you have become more physically attractive.  That is:

The hotter a man becomes = The more awkward the body language in the woman towards you

Your chronological experience was well explained by yourself, but to piggyback on that:

1) When you lost 40lbs and became average BMI, you in unwritten definition became average to a bit above average in terms of male physical attractiveness.  This as a by-product transformed you from being near on invisible to women, to attractive enough but still below most women in relative gender terms.  My guess is this was the time when a lot of below average, plain Janes and mildly cute women took an interest in you.  Fundamentally, you attracted women without placing their noses out of joint in any way.

2) Once you leaned out a bit but not to a ripped level, in conjunction with your ideal 6ft 2" height, you entered the above average level of male physical attractiveness (7/10 to 7.75/10). This would explain why the cute women and occasional hot women started noticing you with bed eyes. That said, I'm surprised in your explanation that it was only passive interest on their part.  I find that most above average looking men are always alongside cute to lower end hot women.  Maybe you weren't proactive enough to capitalize on this luxury?  In any case, women found you attractive but not unattainable or a god like vision.

3) Which nicely brings me onto the final stage.  Once you added 30lbs of muscle (which would also have sharpened your facial features up) to your already ideal height, you had the good luck/bad luck conundrum of reaching your physical attractiveness pinnacle but in turn becoming unattainable and a perception to women as poor/unsuitable partner material.  This fully explains the circumstance of their avoidance by and large.

What do I advise?

You now need to know that women construe you as the out of reach male specimen as alluded to.  On the basis you will not (and nor should you) go back to your less physically defined days, you need to approach women with self-assurance but not too much swagger.  You should show an interest in them.  Don't talk too much about yourself.  Ask her out in the first conversation, but don't waste time on her if she is just a time-wasting tease or attention-seeker.

The facts of the matter are that, even if you miraculously approached ten women who were all single, eight or nine will reject you on the basis of them preferring to be with a lesser looking male partner.  You need to accept this unfortunate actuality of life, and turn it into a back-handed compliment.

Other advice would be to look a bit more facially edgy (if you aren't already).  Maybe grow a full stubble or groomed beard which will, to a point, take away some of the pretty boy stigma.  Also, work on your nonphysical attractiveness offerings within feasibility.

Hope this helps, and all the best.

Vi.