Saturday, 15 April 2017

Man too physically blessed to pull women?

"A man hears what he wants to hear, and disregards the rest."
(Simon and Garfunkel: The Boxer)

A reader makes some points based on this previous post from Women’s choices: men’s divorces.

I don't know how I found this blog post, but I have anecdotal evidence that can point to what you said about Man #1.

I'm a 27 year old 6'4" white male with a very athletic physique, broad shoulders with very narrow waist/hips, and have facial aesthetics on par with guys like former Calvin Klein model Fredrik Ljungberg. However, I was a very late bloomer, around early 20s, and prior to that was a very awkward and unattractive teen who didn't get any attention from females. 

I've never in my life had a girlfriend and have a severe struggle with getting one, which I blame on my inexperience with women and their intimidation/insecurity of being with a guy like me. I've tried online dating sites and I almost never get any responses, the ones that do respond generally look for almost any excuse to reject me during our internet conversations. In real life, I have women accuse me of being a player and/or give me an attitude whenever I try to converse with them. However, on the flip side I've had people assume I'm gay simply because I'm chronically single. I do have women in public checking me out but it is generally done when they are in groups, but when they are alone they are more subtle about it. 

So, yes for some men being very attractive can be an issue depending on the type of women you are pursuing.

My response:

Like you, I was a physically late bloomer, so I can relate to how your required confidence levels are perhaps playing catch up. 

Your predicament, if it can be described as that, is something hardly anybody comprehends, because such a tiny percentage (<0.1%) of men encounter it.  Those who are aware of the situation tend to also be liars or/and too proud to face up to the truth and reality.  Nevertheless, what I would always remind anybody like you is that there are so many ways to benefit from being tall, facially good looking, and attain a great physique - in comparison to not having these blessings.  Remember this for as long as you have it, because when you do not receive all this attention, eye contact, intimidation receipt, and rejection from women, it will be the sure sign that your physical decline has commenced.  When that day arrives, I'll bet a pretty penny that you'd wish for the "problems" back. So ultimately, make the most of today.

However, pretty much everything you document is accurate and real.  In simple terms, you are too physically attractive for >99% of women generally, let alone the probable small pool of women you would want to be with.  When I say "too physically attractive", I mean it from the female egoism and trust perspective.  The only way this issue could be eradicated in a switch would be to gain overnight fame and extreme wealth.  On the basis this isn't going to happen, my main advice would be to work on your confidence, give less care to the world and what others think of you, and essentially approach more women.  Take rejection or cold shoulders from women as a compliment, not an insult. 

One final point is your height.  Don't get me wrong, a man being 6ft 4" is way more advantageous than being 5ft 8", and also in relation to 5ft 10", but being as tall as you are, outside of sports stars, is a likely drawback than a blessing.  This is firstly because women will find you even more intimidating than guys of 6ft on the dot, but also even too tall for their natural sexual predilections.

It would be easy to just say that you need to target women around 5ft 10" to 5ft 11" hotties, as they will want men taller than them when in heels, but it also isn't so simple as this. Unless they're just looking for a one night stand or short term fling (which is rare for the most physically attractive women), even tall women as described may only want a man two or three inches taller.  This is because women, in particular women post 23 years of age, are sizing up a man as a future father to their children.  A tall woman being impregnated by a tall man will by no mean coincidence produce a very tall son or daughter.  Whilst it isn't as much of an issue being a very tall man, women (hence: the mothers) deep down know how it is a disadvantage in the romantic world in being a very tall woman.  I don't see many female high jumpers or netball stars with the highest quality men.

So in essence and with this in mind, I would advise you, for the path of least resistance, to target women around 5ft 7" to 5ft 8".  In addition, by and large you will receive more positive engagement when targeting women 23 or younger, because this age group place greater emphasis on male aesthetic value than a need for provisioning and to feel better about themselves (in being with a lesser looking boyfriend), and they are more likely to place their hearts ahead of their ego. By abiding with all this it should, in my view, give you the greatest chance of openings and success.

One final point is female screening - in optimizing the positive receptiveness when approaching women you are interested in.  Within time constrained moments this task is not easy, therefore if in bars or walking down the street, I would just pro-act without thought in asking first and not worrying about the permutations.  However, with greater experience acquired and thorough observation of female character and habits, you will pick up tell tale signs from the body language and social belongings of women.  

So if there is a solid hot girl (say 8.5/10) who you have previously seen alongside a couple of considerably lesser looking (anything from 6.5/10 to 7.5/10) boyfriends, the chances are she wouldn't date or sleep with you even if hell froze over.  There is no way her big ego, low confidence and high insecurity would allow her to do so.  But on the flip side, if you sense a cutie, or even a hot girl, give you a genuine, non-antagonistic and amiable eye, there is a much stronger possibility that she is open to take things further.  

Sunday, 12 March 2017

Women's selection motivations

"From near or afar, the answers are only clear once you take a step back."

Reader Bryce asks for some of my knowledge on the following topic:

Hi Vinay,

I have a couple more questions, I've been away in foreign countries and greeted well by the women there, some even asked if I'm a athlete haha.

One good looking guy problem I've always noticed is being "used" for validation. For example, a women may talk to you to impress their friends or ask for a date themselves so that they can say they went on a date with you with no intention of moving things further. Ever experienced this? I'm usually annoyed when this happen.

Another one is women creating (relationship) drama with your name in organizations such as school and work. Again, I think this is validation related, where their girlfriends see them having drama with an attractive guy, these girls are average at most in terms of looks. Keep in mind I try not to feed into it, but they will tell their friends lies about me asking them out and usually it's they that have been trying to date me and I respectfully declined only to be met with female harassment and a ruined reputation :(

Anyways, curious if you have any insights on this. I feel like people don't realize that the attention that attractive guys get is sometimes unwanted and they have the option to decline. Women think if they show interest you must follow through, you don't have a choice... basically like an object. 

My response:

Whenever you consider the subject of female selectivity in terms of the man they (rarely) pursue or (mostly) consider taking up adventures with, whether this consideration is for a one night stand, a short term fling, an indefinite timescale relationship, or even marriage and kids, you will almost always need to concede that a woman's primary thought is based upon how it can benefit her externally judged self-value and economical self-interest. 

If she chooses the one night stand or short term fling, her first thought will, by and large, be based upon desires for her social network "followers" or close friends to know she is appealing to the world.  "This guy found me irresistible", she so says in silence and hopes everyone thinks.  The secondary motivation to this short term mentality, and I'll reiterate secondary, is satisfying her heart and sexual orgasmic enrichment.  Even in the modern world where women have become more promiscuous and sexually liberated in comparison to generations gone by, it is still important to remember that only a very small minority (I'd estimate fewer than 10%) of the female sexually active population proactively go into one nighters or conscious knowledge of only a few weeks of sex.  Their prides are too fragile to come across as cheap, and ultimately they know that too much of this lifestyle will detract future worthwhile male candidates to take them on as girlfriend or wife material.  This is all the more pertinent with women as they move up the hotness scale.  In other words, the hotter the girl, the less sexually easy, generally speaking, she is.

With longer term thoughts - long term relationships and marriage thought process - a woman will pick out men who can give her the best profile and financially appealing life.  This is most relevant to women post 23 years of age, and even more so between the female ages of 25 to 28.  So a woman will compromise heavily on what makes her heart tick and knickers wet, in return of a lesser looking but higher status and wealthier man who can provide the biggest house in an affluent location, the most expensive car she can drive, the best holidays to put on her social media pages, and kids kitted out in clothes at a school that stands out in relativity to her so called other female friends. 

To Bryce's first point.... He is absolutely on the money about some women using the most physically attractive men as a source of validation and exposure to impress her onlookers.  Again, I would still say this is a minority of women, and it is far more prevalent to women under the age of 24.  Strangely you may see women go through this trend once more around the mid 30's, with a far less frequent female demographic of say aged 25 to 32 - hence the heavy stage for women to seek out "the one" - taking on men who only make them look more important and valuable. 

I always recall a few years ago on a night out when a woman (a few days before her 25th birthday) made her friend approach me and ask my opinion on what I thought of her.  Her friend had said how fit she (the woman pursuing me) thought I was.  She was a cute 7/10, nothing special but fuckable, but as I was single at the time it was more than worth me approaching her to take things on that bit further.  Even as the night went on, I sensed her enthusiasm diminishing.  We went out the following Friday, and there wasn't much chemistry on her part at all, or mine either to be be fair.  Nevertheless, I would still have indifferently seen where it could take us.  I barely heard from her again, absent of a few texts to most likely ramp up her good inner feeling.  About a year later on another night out, she came up to me in front of her friends.  I was far wiser to the event this time, pretty much talking to her whilst concurrently checking hotter women out.  She ended up marrying a man of total average (6/10) looks, and they have since had at least one child.

In terms of the drama thing, again this is a by-product of all women requiring a level of intensity, dramatic happenings, and attention that shows the flame is still burning in their life.  How many women, even newly married women, do you meet who come across as just more than happy to describe a low-profile and enjoyable (but none drama contained) weekend when in discussion with her other female friends?  Not many I would guess.  So yes, I agree that using a good looking man for extra drama is more than a possible occurrence, however what I would say is drama-seeking girls will more likely go for jerks or/and local well-known men (think of DJ's, club promoters, gym instructors, city centre bartenders, etc).  As, in my view <1% of men are truly from a stand out aesthetically blessed stature - hence facially good looking, impressive body, 6ft to 6ft 2" height - the chances are that not many of these jerks or popular men are also top end physically attractive men.  So in essence, what I'm saying is women, especially under the age of 24, will seek out drama and self-importance more from this kind of man than a very good looking man.

All women want and need drama in their lives.  It's just finding out the level of drama they require in determining whether they are worth long term consideration or placement in a compartment as pump and dump material only.

In summary to the final point made, you have to acknowledge that, in a world where >95% of men are average looking, at least this same percentage of women will end up with an average looking man.  Sounds obvious, but it needs illustrating to make sense of the next point.  A rare man who sits at the top end of male physical good looks is going to stand out like a sore thumb to all these women who are with mediocre looking men, and because of their boredom with looking at their uninspiring man day in day out, human instinct dictates that they will, at the very least, take a look at the very good looking man they are not accustomed to see very often.  A tiny percentage of them will try and take it further, but most will not take the risk of losing out on everything they have just for a bit of fresher and intense sexual stimulation.  But as the man receiving these bed eyes, especially if he is single, the natural response is to interact if you find her bangable.  At the end of the day, it is attaining the ability to distinguish between female and male motivations and agendas when they look at the opposite sex.

Saturday, 21 January 2017

Marriage thoughts

"A person with more friends than fingers is a fool."

Reader Danny asks for my thoughts on marriage:


One other great post indeed:) 

By the way..wanted to ask you?
If you'd get married...what woman you'd chose?..a 10?.. 8?..since beauty is such a transitory factor for a woman before she gets fat?..
I wonder...
Danny boy:)

My response:

You can never say never in life, but knowing myself better than anyone else comes close to, and in comprehension to the life knowledge I've acquired and understanding of women that has developed over the years, I couldn't see myself marrying anything less than a 7.5/10 looks rated woman.  This woman referenced would need to possess an excellent personality and be very enjoyable company that outweighs the enrichment of an independent life.  In addition to this, she would also have to be somewhere near to my own level of financial assets, or come from a wealthy background that could contribute to our common objectives.  If I sensed for a split second that compromise and empathy were not part of her character vocabulary, she wouldn't last beyond her sexual use to me.

Female physical attractiveness, in men's eyes, gives women more leeway with male demands.  I'm no different.  This isn't, very often, the same case in the gender inverse perspective.  A man's good looks (or better looks in comparison to a lesser looking man from the woman's past) will rarely shorten the list or intensity of a woman's demands for long term consideration.  What good male looks do give men is more opportunity for short term flings and one night stands.

To explain further, if the woman was an 8/10, I wouldn't be as particular about her non-visual attributes in relation to the 7.5/10 woman.  This is mainly in thought to a non-marital relationship.  Likewise, a 8.5/10 woman would receive more leeway than the 8/10 woman, and again a 9/10 woman receives more leeway further still.  But to reiterate, this is out of wedlock consideration.

The reason I stress that this process only follows as a boyfriend and not a husband is because, as Danny strongly alludes to, a woman's peak beauty period is short lived.  Marriage only compounds this sad but true case of events, because the majority of women rapidly become more unattractive once married.  General observation is all you need to back this up.  Why?  Well most women have achieved their life dream once the ring is on the finger and the big wedding day is over, and they have little concern (although they will have firm knowledge) to the primary reason her now husband proposed to her - based on her looks.  Whereas once the cakes and fast food were resisted, and gym visits were more frequent, post marriage leads her to the opposite lifestyle pattern.  If a woman does keep up her good habits post marriage, it is either (less so) because she deeply loves and respects her husband and knows he may stray if she doesn't keep up her appearance, or (more so) due to still being on the lookout for a better male alternative. 

Kids, usually a by-product of marriage despite many women in this day and age giving birth prior so, physically deteriorate both women and men.  There is no getting away from this unfriendly fact.  Not only do the little sods give parents half the amount of sleep than the single or dating life offered, but the sheer stress of financial burden that children manifest plays on a human's mind both day and night.  I'm not a parent, but any honest parent would admit this is the case.  But as time is a more vicious and unforgiving circumstance to a woman's face and body than to a man's equivalence, the parenthood role plays a more strenuous picture, although perhaps not mind, on her than him. 

Now add on the unproven but natural consequence of marriage making women less charming and appreciative.  Prior to marriage, women have a far greater motivation to act friendly, receptive and gratifying in order to secure the sucker who will take her down the aisle.  Afterwards, poof, the slippery slide will start.  Once a woman has a grip on a man's future, she has far less inclination to be nice and accommodating.  And her demands only become stronger as each day ticks by, probably until the point (around late 30's to early 40's) where she knows very few men will marry her again.  Some of the friendliest women are in their late 30's and early 40's, but these are mainly divorcees on the lookout for a new man.  They have regained the necessity to be charming once more. 

So in essence, the moral of all this is not to get married unless you, by magic, land on a female dime that is as rare as rocking horse shit.  Another argument could be if you came into a fortune, but even then be prepared to lose a good chunk of this later down the line.  Marrying a richer woman than you is also a fair justification, although these women are seldom the best lookers.

I often view marriage, or the relationship with the woman a man marries, as a 10% happiness life span.  If the rough survival rate is around 85, at best you will have 8 years of unbelievable happiness that exceeds the single life.  Much of this 8 years will be pre-marriage rather than post wedding day.  I'm a big statistic and percentage kind of guy, and for me, 10% is not long or great enough to compensate for the other 90% of indifference or misery.

My step-sister gets married this late summer.  I'll keep my mouth shut on the day, but make no mistake that I have no problem telling people what I think on this subject.  The only exception is in the early days when a cute or hot woman comes into my life.  If they don't ask, I don't tell....      


Saturday, 14 January 2017

Cute women and hot women distinctions

"All you need in life is hope, happiness, and security."

A reader asks the following:

Hi Vinay, nice post. Can you explain the difference between hot woman and cute woman?

My response:

The separation between a cute woman and a hot woman in the sexual market is perhaps the most challenging out there when analyzing differences in gender physicality and character.  Bitches can be removed from sweet girls (although this doesn't necessarily mean a sweet girl will be any more resistant to leave once she finds a better option).  Bad boys and nice guys can be categorized without too much difficulty.  An intelligent woman stands out like a sore thumb against the hoards of dumb women.  And, despite what their respective girlfriends try to convince otherwise, an average to above average looking man is a stand-out physical downgrade to a good looking man (considering all of facial features, body profile, and height).

For me, a cute woman sits at a physical attractiveness grade ranging from 7/10 to 7.75/10.  You will see hundreds of them, even thousands, in the course of a year.  A hot woman takes over at 8/10 onwards.  You will see half a dozen to a dozen lower end hot girls of 8/10 to 8.25/10 in your average week, depending on how much you get out the house of course.  Medium hot girls of 8.5/10 to 8.75/10 will be much rarer, and perhaps observed about a dozen times in a year - and that's being very optimistic.  As for anyone with realistic standards and truthful judgment, 9/10 or greater women in looks terms are seen a couple of times annually in real life, or on wholesale occasions in magazines, on TV, or internet browsing.

But people are very sensitive when judging other's physical attractiveness levels.  Often this is because of attainability factors.  A woman will usually leverage her rating of a man who isn't as eye catching as her, and she will likewise deleverage her rating of a man who is as or more aesthetically blessed than her in gender relative terms.  As for men, their voices on this subject are different but similar in the same breath.  Most men will still say a woman is hot even if she is well out of his grasp.  Why?  Men don't have the big egos, insecurities and fragile prides that women possess.  However, what men will do is push up the level of a woman he is in a relationship with, or even someone he has is eye on, despite her being overweight, uglier, saggier or older than he would choose with a carte blanche of options.

Sometimes pictures spell out more on the distinction of female cuteness and hotness:

The two blondies above are cute women in any truthful man's eyes.  For me, they are both 7.25/10, and on a good day you could push me to 7.5/10.  Now of course, to many men these women would be classed as hot, but this is because both of them are out of most men's leagues in visual respects.  Nevertheless, most women who look like these two are with just run of the mill men - average looking, decent but not spectacular professions, and nothing to write home about in style, personality or charisma terms.

These two women on the other hand are hot.  Again, I'd go 8.75/10, but I wouldn't put up much resistance for a 9/10 grade.  At their peak (and this peak is nothing more than a few years for women), these kinds of women are seen with professional sports stars or celebrities of some kind.  This far from means every woman who looks like these two are with a top end famous man, because there are hundreds of women who look like them for every one man I refer to.  Most of these women end up with older or/and above average looking men, who belong to the top 1% pay scales. 

Non-visual considerations

Just as important to consider for men is how to approach the mentality of both cute and hot women.  By clear majority, female physical allure aligns with female character. 

Cute women, by and large, are friendlier, more approachable, not so prone to take themselves seriously, and better company.  They aren't always worrying about how the outside world perceives or judges them, because although still hounded by the mediocre male population, deep down they know there are many more beautiful women out there.  They haven't been necessitated to rely on, or had the luxury of relying,  solely on their looks for a free handout.  Although social media - through female "friendship" compliments and male supplication - has elevated a woman's self-opinion above the objective mirror reflection, they are still realistic enough to know they cannot compete with their hotter counterparts.  This, generally, makes them less expectant and more forthcoming in what the real world is about. 

Hot women take on a far more serious demeanour.  Unless found in girl party nights out in attempts to convince the watching public life is so much fun, they are easy to detect low confidence and high insecurity traits when alone.  Looking down at a phone is the most common trick to conceal this weakness, but also look out for quick strides, no eye contact with anyone, or a basic inability to just relax and enjoy life.  If you ever find a hot women who does the opposite to all the aforementioned, and actually has a bright outlook on life, you may as well be looking at a unicorn.  No, they do exist as I've had the pleasure of intimately knowing a few, but make no mistake that they are incredibly rare.  And when not done up to look their best, they can be the hardest to deal with.

This, as a summary, leads it conveniently onto how men should assess cute and hot women prior to cold approach interaction. 

All else equal, a cute woman will not entertain dating ugly men, unless she attains an almighty high ego and is in need for uninterrupted attention and love.  She will know no other woman wants him.  Needless to say, in the absence of high status or earnings, no hot woman wants to be seen within fifty yards of an ugly man.  She has her reputation to think of. 

A cute woman, like the two shown above, will usually be seen with average looking men of 6/10 to 7/10 in looks aspects.  Again, I reiterate the all else equal phrase.  This is why any Average Joe really should be aware that there is so much opportunity for him to grade up to a cute woman.  Cute women have ego led, if not heart and sexual impulses, inclinations to be drawn to men who are that full grade lower them in visual blessings. 

A hot woman, like the two shown above, are commonplace alongside above average looking men of 7.25/10 to 7.75/10.  It runs in parallel with the cute girl explanation. The female mind uncontrollably strays towards men they are not repulsed with, but equally men who are less physically attractive.  The big difference between a hot woman against a cute woman is that the former place far higher hoops to jump over with regards to male status and wealth requirements.  However, there are still more hot women than very high status or rich men, therefore a surplus of them have no choice but to settle for "Mr Nearly Right".

This is why men, as has been said before on this blog, should never think they need to go the extra yard to please women.  The right attitude, confidence and knowledge is a far greater tool kit.  Men can get carried away by only seeing a few cute and hot women, so they form an automated mindset to believe that if they get that one chance, they need to act like she is the only girl in the world.  It's not until you actually travel a bit, open your eyes, and realize there are a good number of them who far outweigh the quantities of men you think they are with.  Not every man is a pop star or millionaire.  Keep that thought in the front end of your mind next time you think she is too good for you.

Friday, 30 December 2016

What good guys should learn about girls who date jerks

"If you can't change for the better, don't change at all.”

Before I get into the nitty gritty of this post, take a look at the video link from the recent Machine Gun Kelly and Camila Cabello song.  It is another case of a visual and verbal script that allows girls, young women, and god forbid older women post 25 years of age, to substantiate that when they fall for dense, low-life and loser jerks, it just cannot be explained and consequently all should be forgiven.  It’s just too complicated to explain, so says the song, and at the end of the day it can't be her fault…  Strangely, if a man falls for a hot bitch who treats him like dog poo, this is all down to stupidity and the brain ruled by his dick.  You just can't beat life's hypocrisy, can you?

In terms of the story within the video, it is very much in line with what I see on rare occasions.  The rarity has to be stressed, because although there is a much higher percentage of women who would like to date a jerk than women who would admit to this predicament, the simple reality is there are not even close to enough jerks out there to satisfy all these female seekers.  This is why so many women settle for boring nice guys who they don't truly want to be with. 

Although American readers of this blog will be far more qualified than me in commenting on the relationship dynamic seen in the video, based on observations from my visits over the pond it isn't uncommon to see a Latin American cute chick with a white jerk looking guy sporting numerous tattoos.  I guess it is all part of the revolt mentality that goes through the girl's little head of hers.  That is, not only does she want the danger and excitement of the bad boy, but she also wants the attention, challenge, and motivation deriving from the thought of pissing her parents and community off by dating outside her race.     

The numbers analysis

Many naive men (as the majority of men are naive in emotional terms and in understanding women) can be brainwashed by female conversation that most men are jerks and don't treat women the way they truly deserved to be looked after.  Any man believing these words based on agenda, convenience and bullshit will never have an ounce of success going forward.

The easiest way to establish how many jerks there are in the male society is to take a step back and think of 100 random men you know in your direct, or even indirect, weekly interactions.  How many of them would you class as jerks, whether this is based on perception, anecdotal reasoning, or facts?  What number do you think treat women like crap?  If answered honestly, I doubt this would be more than 10 of them.  If I'm right on this, and I'm pretty sure I am, this would mean that 9 out of 10 men are not jerks.  In fact, a good number of the remaining 90 men would be weak, nodding dog orientated nice guys.  This is why you should always take a woman claiming she has such bad luck with men, and who always ends up being treated badly, with a pinch of salt.  The reality, for reasons that have been explained before, is that she is seeking out this minority of male reputation, profile and character.  At the end of the day, it is her choice.  Pity her, and don't feel sorry for or rescue her. 

Can good guys date women who have dated jerks?

As a self-proclaimed good guy, the simple answer is yes, but tread carefully.  Women who have a history of dating jerks are notorious for being extreme drama-hunting (due to the danger that she can broadcast in a few thousand words to her friends) and attention-seeking (a by-product of the drama to show off her importance to the world) people.  I stress the word extreme, because in the day and age of social media et al, nearly all women of all beauty and ages, at least in the western world, have an element of dramatic and attention requirement traits.  But fortunately a decent percentage of them do see the sense before it is too late, and they keep these negatives in moderation. 

Women who have frequently dated widely sought after jerks are often hot, but not always.  The highest number of them will be cute (7/10 to 7.75/10), and this is down to 4 main reasons:
  • Cute women outweigh hot women by at least 10 to 1, therefore the sheer numbers alone manifest to produce a higher number of cute women with jerks than hot women. 
  • Hot women, and especially extreme hot women (>8.5/10) or hot women from more affluent backgrounds, will have a stronger tendency to sway towards higher status (both occupational and social status) and rich men.  Although the largest proportion of these men are older, much lesser looking, and perhaps overweight, some of this male compartment will be younger lookers too.  It's no coincidence that professional sports stars are nearly always seen with women of 8.5/10 or greater in physical attractiveness terms.
  • Cute women often feel a greater need to be a follower, whereas although not necessarily any more confident internally, hot women can portray an external front to be more independent.  This means that a cute woman will cling to a leader - the jerk - who takes her through the muddy waters more than a hot woman would be inclined to do so. 
  • Hot women have bigger egos and more fragile prides than cute women, therefore they don't take kindly to people thinking a man would treat them badly.  With this possibility in mind, her sexual impulses won't be dragged towards the jerk as easily as the cute woman can be hypnotized.   

So as a good guy, my recommendation would be to use the woman who has dated jerks as if you are a jerk too.  This isn't to mean you should totally change your character into a jerk, but it would be prudent to care little to the consequences and make your life the priority.  She can fit in to suit you.  In the bizarre way female emotional psychology works, contrary to them verbalizing that they love a man to worship the ground they walk on and prioritize them, you will find she is forever running back for more.

In fact, this approach would produce even greater benefits than being an extreme jerk.  Because although a woman who has a string of jerk history will never lose this mindset in fantasy terms, her age does convince the mind that continuing with the jerk process will only ever have a sad ending.  Either he dumps her due to a better option, or she dumps him as the once excitement has diminished and he has nothing left to offer her life goals.  So a more genuine and responsible, but equally edgy, man will reap these rewards brought about from her past poor choices.

What I would also add is to not give more than what the jerks gave to her in the past.  If she gave her heart, body and soul to men who gave little exertion in return, why should you be the one to supply the endeavour, time and money that they weren't prepared to expend.  Don't be the sucker to be drawn in by her words of "I've come to my senses and now need a man to treat me well."  This is as good as her saying she gave the jerks everything for nothing, and now she will only give it all (and probably less) providing the new man gives far more in justifying her company.  Leave these unproductive and white knight efforts to the clueless nice guys.

A final thought

Only a couple of days ago I was in a car parts retailer in Nottingham, when I saw a cute girl of 7.5/10 standing just inside the entrance foyer.  She was kitted up on a cold day with tight jeans, tidy shoes, and an impressive coat.  Long straight brown hair accompanied a natural pretty face.  A young man alongside her was wearing a tracksuit, and he was average looking at best.  His mate, of similar age and chavvy dress style, was shouting off at the member of staff about wanting a stereo or something replaced.  The assumed boyfriend kept a bit quieter, but still gave his two pennies from his thick, unintelligent voice.  She said something to them in slight criticism manner, not in as common an accent, but still enough for me know she wasn't from the best part of Nottingham.  I can remember shaking my head at her when she looked at me, as if to let her know she could do so much better. 

But some women never learn, or they learn too late.  They either settle down with a jerk because they know nothing else, or they date jerks beyond their female peak beauty.  By then, even fewer unwanted nice guys will be holding out the hand of saviour, let alone quality men some of these women could have actually attracted years before.


Tuesday, 27 December 2016

Men maximizing their life timescale

"Shoot for the moon.  Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."
(Norman Vincent Peale)

It was Friday 23rd December 2016, and a rare occasion when my managing director said we could depart a few hours earlier than the usual grinding working day.  In truth, it didn't bother me one way or the other, but I took advantage of the extra time to seek out the last minute Christmas presents for family members.

I went into a small town called Loughborough, simply because it is the closest shopping centre to my work location.  Loughborough attains the typical British small town mentality from a native's perspective, but I have to say that due to the high population of university students (it is the number one UK college for sport education), there aren't half some nice sights during academic season days.  It reminds me of Kent State in north-east Ohio, somewhere I visited back in October.  Unfortunately due to the Christmas break, this particular day did not belong to the usual female eye candy on offering. 

There is only one department store of note, and after a few minutes downstairs I went to the upper level and along the far end wall.  In other words, my peripheral vision was only at the men's socks.  No passers by could be seen.  I then heard a voice from behind say to me, "Excuse me, do you know where the headphones are?"  I looked behind me to see a woman who looked in her late 40s.  With the greatest respect, she looked exactly like you would expect a woman in her late 40s to be.  Before I even had chance to answer, she added, "Are they upstairs or downstairs."  After a couple of seconds pause, I replied, "I can't be sure, but my guess is downstairs."  I didn't have a clue where they were, but I had enough on the spot brain cells to live in hope that this was a hint for her to leave without delay.  Her final words were, "Ok, I'll keep looking." 

An easy self-doubting moment

A less smart man, and I would include myself from many years ago in this category, could have resigned himself into a puddle of self-doubt from this passing situation in his life.  Once a less clued up man passes 30 years of age, it can be an easy assumed belief or external brain-washed attempt (by both the media and jealous tied down friends with no options) that younger women, and even a fair share of women his own age, no longer find him attractive.  They will also try cunningly to sway men in the direction of older women, desperately promoting how these more "mature" women offer greater personality, stability, maturity and enjoyable company that younger women cannot supply.  In a lot of cases, they are right, however these hidden agenda mindset people conveniently disregard what men, and especially men with options, desire ahead of all the aforementioned "qualities".  As if it needs saying, but it can never be said enough - this is female youth and physical beauty. 

For a few seconds via the event, even I scratched my head in assessing what the hell had just happened.  Was it an illusion!?  Then I only had to recollect a night out from the previous Saturday in my home city of Derby to know that inundated women aged from late teens up to early 50s were giving me bed eyes and pretty much validation that I'm, objectively and visually if nothing else, a decent catch.  Don't get me wrong, and in the case of the younger group (in particular women aged 24 to early 30s, but some younger too), this doesn't mean that every one of them will take it further with me.  Far from it.  Female egos, insecurities, confidence and trust issues make sure of this.  But, from a standpoint of visuals only, it proved what someone had told me many years ago. 

The male sweet spot age

I always remember a gym buddy of mine, who had not long turned 30, telling me experiences from the last year of his life with women.  He mentioned how, once he reaches his late 20s to early 30s, a man is at his physical peak in terms of attracting women on the isolated visuals.  This isn't even going into how men should be elevating their earnings, status, assets, confidence and attitude in concurrent running time.  What this manifests in real life motion is female eyes from all age corners projecting onto him.  Younger women see a physical specimen that has fully blossomed from the perhaps once boyish (but too clean) appearance, and older women feel he is now physically and mentally mature enough to be alongside them.  In the case of the latter, this is just deluded wishful thinking, with little appreciation to what the man himself wants.

So I would recommend to any man to take advantage of this stage in his life.  Too many men take the normal path that is to settle down in their 20s with the first decent woman who will have him, only to later regret not taking a back seat.  Once in his 30s, this exampled man never reaches his physical appearance peak such is the fact he got lazy, haggard and fat due to poor diet, a lack of exercise and sleep, and becoming too stressed with the provisioning husband and father role.  If you ever see this man, absent of his wife, get crazy, drunk, and over-excitable at the Christmas party, you will know exactly why.  He is trying to make up for the life predicament he finds himself in. 

The female comparison

On the other hand, women peak far earlier in physical impressiveness terms.  The largest share (I'd estimate 70%) of women look their best between 18 to 23.  A smaller percentage (20%) of them peak between 24 to 28, with the majority being at the younger scale of this five year range.  This leave a glass half full 10% who can look just as good at 29 or early 30s, but don't expect this to be too many you see in your life, and furthermore, don't be surprised to see a steeper ageing decline once the 30th birthday has been celebrated. 

This will explain why nights out are top heavy in women aged 18 to 23, and women aged in excess of 35.  The young bracket are maximizing their sexual worth, and the by-product attention received from all men - but mainly loser or mediocre man.  The older bracket are mostly divorcees who left their boring husbands or, in fewer cases, whose higher calibre husbands left them for a younger female rival, and they live in vain hope that they can still attract the same men from their younger self of 10 or more years ago.  Life just doesn't work this way.

This leaves the middle bracket of women aged 24 to early 30s who you don't see as frequently in bars or clubs, but who you are more prevalent to observe in the restaurants along the same street with their male partners or in mixed groups.  You may also see these women in female group gatherings over Sunday morning breakfast tables.  In simple terms, women from 24 up to the late 20s/early 30s have given up on the bar scene for two main reasons.  First, they have become uncomfortable with younger, fresher and hotter women in their faces.  Second, they have tracked down a beta male (or in rare occasions, an alpha male) who will commit to them while their physical pinnacle is still hanging by a thread. 

In summary, I offer you a 4-stage pattern of where women fall into depending on age:
  • Women aged 18 to 23 fall into two categories.  There are those who are more interested in the receiving of eye contact and direct attention from men, and they are seen on nights out regularly.  Finding a quality man (aka the biggest well known jerk or local high status man) is an objective, but it is a secondary motivation to the "Me, me, me" good time feeling.  Many of these women place maximum emphasis on a man's physical attractiveness.  However, there are also as many women in this age bracket who prefer, or at least are more comfortable in, DVD nights and cinema outings with their boyfriend.  Usually, this boyfriend is just a run of the mill looking guy who is not desired by many other women, and a bit of a lapdog. 
  • Women aged 24 to late 20s/early 30s are in the settling down phase.  They are just as intrinsically hungry for sexual optimization and male physical attractiveness as their younger self, and they also still take fondly to male attention and compliments, but as they are aware the days are ticking to find the best male proposition, it takes on a lower priority than a ring on her finger, a wedding day to plan and, if not totally repulsed by him, an impending motherhood role.
  • Women aged 35 to 39 split into three categories.  First, there are those still (less so) happily married or (more so) married with content feelings towards her husband.  These women don't go out much.  Second, there are the divorcees, separated, or cheating women.  They are on the look out and trying to make up for lost time based on previous poor choices.  Third, there are the never married women who may have lost front-minded hope of meeting "the one", but still live in dreamland that their day will arrive.  It rarely does, without settling for far less than the movie she watched last night.
  • Women aged 40 or older have most likely given up all hope of finding a quality man to commit to them - at all or again.  They have probably, in some shape or form, lived in all three phases as highlighted above.  To make life that little bit less damaging to the ego, some of them will sleep with low calibre younger men – in allowing her mind to vainly believe she is still attractive due to younger men sleeping with her.  Some of these younger male losers may even commit to her.  Nevertheless, more likely is the scenario where she tracks down a man 10 or more years older than her.  She isn't into him physically, but the life he can give her - both economically and in companion terms - is better than spending weekends alone.

And finally....

At the risk of blowing my own trumpet, I couldn't help but ponder what the woman in the department store actually thinks, or what she thought might happen, as she strolled up towards me.  Over the last few years I've visited many cities in many countries, and noticed how I strike the attention of women belonging to all ethnicities, nationalities, cultures, skin colours and religions.  When time has allowed, sexual encounters have developed with some of them.  I get just as much back home in the UK, albeit often with that touch more hostility and jealousy.  I'm an honest and objective guy who knows the best life is ascertained from a mind that lives in reality, so I'd be doing myself no justice or good service at all if these comments are born out of fallacy to make myself feel better about things.  Ultimately, it is the truth.

This can only mean one of two things.  Either I am a top end good looking man, or these women who look at me are also looking at most other men.  The latter cannot be dismissed, but once more living in the real world, it is highly unlikely. 

So in summary, does this woman have an all guns blazing thought process in shooting for the moon, perhaps in a way that is accustomed more to how men aspire (although this is still a tiny minority of men who do hit on much hotter women)?  If so, I can only applaud her, especially if she takes the perspective route that focuses on the possibilities, no matter how remote, and not the outcome.  This is the attitude I like and adhere to. 

On the other hand, I don't know many women who can take rejection in its true context and not go running for the trenches in the aftermath of despair.  After all, this is why 99% of women, no matter how desperate they are for love, do not approach men.  The arrogant among them will tell you they don't approach men because they don't need to, and they have a point.  Such is the vast numbers of low quality, horny and desperate men that, up until the female of approximately mid 30s, there will always be more desirable women than sought after men.  But the honest among women will tell you exactly why they don't approach men they don't know on a personal level, or men who are on their physical attractiveness level or greater.  Their egos and prides couldn't take the cold feeling of a potential rejection.    

But then once the late 30s have passed, the average man starts to become at least as attractive - both in physical and overall terms - than the average woman.  When women have fewer options, they just so happen to take more chances.  Perhaps this explains everything in that passing moment last week...

Saturday, 17 December 2016

Improving edginess and finding confident friends

“Money doesn’t make a man.  A man makes money.”

Reader Bryce asks a couple of questions:

Hi Vinay,

Glad to hear you are going down the Q&A path. I have lots of questions all of which I don't recall at the same time so I'll start writing them down when they come to mind.

I'll start with a couple.

1) How does one add edginess to his vibe? (especially for introverted guys)
I'm aware of working out more, but I completed most of that I'm weighing almost 210 pounds (muscular build)

2) How do you find high-self esteem & confident friends?
I have trouble when entering a group, some of the guys/girls will be intimidated and bad mouth me to the others, so they really haven't had a chance to get to know me yet.

Also friends before redpill days are really passive-aggressive, they don't like the improved redpill version that I became. This goes for family as well...some not all.


My response:

To the first question.  Introversion is something that most men are.  It pretty much goes in line with the beta to alpha ratio - around 85% to 90% of men are beta, and 10% to 15% are alpha.  In addition, and not to spoil the answer to your second question, it also aligns with blue pill to red pill men -  that is 90% of men are blue pill, 10% are red pill. 

I'd always recommend another read of this post I published when it derives to becoming more extroverted and edgy, although I will add more.  Edginess, in primary form, is the by-product of a not giving a crap attitude.  I concede this isn't always possible, especially in work environments when perhaps you need to act more beta, head nodding, accommodating, selfless, compromising and nice in order to achieve the best results for yourself.  Not always, but often.  But in the face of women, and attempts to attract them, they love the thought of trying to win a man over who comes across as indifferent.

The big caveat to this is the fact you are of blessed physical attractiveness level.  Although implementing anti-game would be advised to all men (bearing in mind the vast majority of men are average looking) for most of their interaction time with women, good looking men need to tread far more carefully with proactive game techniques.  As women are already in awe of these men, more frequent reassurance and vulnerability tactics need to be used, without being too much of a push-over.   

At the risk of once more creeping over to your second question, edginess can also be improved by belonging to a "popular" group.  I have never desired, on long term consideration, to get involved with these groups.  For one, I've never felt they are welcoming of my presence.  Average or above average looking men don't like better looking men creeping into their territory, due to inferiority, intimidation, and knowledge you will attract the same girls.  Second, these people tend to be unintelligent and up their own backsides, and basically not enjoyable company.  Third, people taking on this life physically age badly.  It is basically a short shelf life at the top.  Nevertheless, the shear magnitude of belonging to a well known male group does attract a high share of cute and hot women.  Like anything else, when a mentality of high quality female options is at a man's disposal, he naturally acts less caring to each one.  Once more, women are attracted to this.  Edginess again is the subconscious manifestation of options and apathy. 

Working out does add edginess, because working out alone gives off greater testosterone.  Seeing that muscular body will give you confidence beyond what you attained, and confidence brings out edginess.  Be careful on how much muscle you put on though.  For one, women do genuinely (even though most of them lie on emotional topics) prefer toned muscle over a beefcake portrait.  Also, as women are so insecure, many will turn their backs on sculptured male bodies in preference for flabbier and cuddlier male bodies that make them feel superior and comfortable.  So you have to make that decision.  By the way mate, how tall are you at that weight?  I'm on the surface of 6ft, 168 pounds, and in pretty good profiled shape, so for you to carry that out with an extra 42 pounds must mean you are tall.

Now bordering fully onto the second question.  Well I think I covered above why the average man or woman will not give you an opportunity to show your engaging character.  In essence, men are threatened by you taking away their girls, and women's egos and perceptions aren't comfortable with your existence.  Life is tough, isn't it...

Finally, yes, you have hit it on the head with your comment on the bulk of society.  Most people are blue pill believers, and despite the exposure and available sources towards red pill, the increase year on year of realists over conformists will be negligible.  I don't foresee a time in the near future to when this will significantly change, because whilst the average man is horny and desperate, he is always a sitting duck for a female contrived pregnancy.  Once a dad, he will sway even more to his feminine and weak side.  

Put yourself in a position where you are not afraid of the consequences.  This would be the greatest advice I could give for a man desiring to enhance his edginess.  Remove outcome dependence from the mind.  Again, this is why, by and large, a non-committed man will be more edgy than a married man.