Sunday, 29 November 2020

Screening for lying women


“Is it better to do a bad thing to suit others over a good thing to suit yourself?”


In truth, in this day and age detecting a female liar shouldn’t be a hard task such is the fact that the majority (in my opinion this is a large majority) of women lie on a constant basis.  It’s just an issue that is disregarded due to the modern day brainwashing that convinces the wider audience and public that women never lie, and consequently they only “fib” to benefit others such is their warm hearts.  To elaborate, the hypnotized consensus is in fact men who are the lying, cheating and generally rotten gender out there.

The story background

A couple of weeks ago a woman connected with me on LinkedIn, with the connection request instigated by her.  I, to my knowledge, had never met her or was aware of her name from previous endeavours.  As much as profile pictures online can be misleading to a point – hence people show their best look possible – her profile picture was one of a very physically attractive woman.

The following day I accepted her connection request and subsequently took a quick look at her company details.  She was the Director of this company, although judging by the website it was a very small company with limited numbers of employees  I consequently sent her a message, in addition to my number for her to get in touch, stating there could be a link where both her company and I could benefit in future dealings.  This was/is more than a possibility, however I’ll be the first to admit that her hot profile picture was an equal motivation in my resulting proactivity. 

I suggested that we met for a coffee to discuss further once lockdown in England was relaxed.  As I had viewed her educational and professional background in ascertaining she had attained a clear knowledge of the German language, I wrote a few sentences in this language as part of an ice breaker. She came back to me less than an hour later (with some German), stating words to the effect that whilst she would be keen to meet for a coffee in normal circumstances (most likely her first lie), could we settle for an online virtual meeting?  I replied by saying that would be fine, expecting her to not take it any further.

A couple of days later she sent me a message in asking when I could squeeze a virtual meeting in.  I replied in the way of the days that were not convenient, and she proposed the following Thursday (nearly two weeks from her original connection).  A few days passed without contact, therefore once more I assumed she had disregarded the reality of this meeting, however three days prior to the meeting she sent across a meeting invite with a direct link.  I replied in thanking her for the email/invite.

Research on her

Well within my rights and thorough and advisable in professional terms, I took a few minutes not long after her meeting invite to seek some information on this company.  Naturally there is only so much you can acquire from company online source, however it appeared that there were two directors of this company – her and another man.  Their registered company address was a small flat in a dodgy part of Derby.  Putting two and two together and most likely equating fourish, the logical assumption is they are both business and romantic partners, living in a flat together.

I then further looked at her LinkedIn profile.  It appeared she was well educated, and based on her University graduation year, she would be 24 in age.  What did strike out, considering her very young age in an overall career perspective, was the array of jobs she had partaken in such a small timeframe.  Most of the roles documented were her as an employee of other companies, with this being her first director or company owner position.

Meeting day

Along came the day of the meeting.  I logged on about ten minutes prior to the scheduled start, and the screen message came up as “Waiting for the meeting host to arrive” (or to that effect).  I waited until fifteen minutes after the start time, and then gave up and logged off.  Essentially, she didn’t turn up.

It was no real skin off my nose, as it’s not like I’m up to much during lockdown measures.  I remember thinking to myself that I’d give her a 51% chance of turning up – hence giving her the benefit of the doubt she would – but I wouldn’t fall off my seat if she did not.  So when she flaked without notice, it was disappointment but not surprise.

The aftermath

The following day I sent her this message:

Well that wasn't very professional of you yesterday was it?

She replied a few hours later:

“I usually wait no more than 10 minutes for a virtual meeting for the attendee to show up. if they don’t show up or contact me to say they’re late I don’t tend to sit around and wait or spend time to chase them up. I think that’s reasonably fair.

The following morning, I replied:

“Well all I can say (on my late Father's life) is that I logged onto your meeting invite at least five minutes prior to 2pm, and it showed the message of waiting for the host to arrive (to that effect).  I waited until 2.15pm.  So if you are telling the truth and it was a technical issue, I sincerely apologize.

The fact she never came back to this message tells its own story.  If she had nothing to hide, she would have:

1)    Accepted my apology and said it’s one of those things.

2)    Been more hostile in her approach, confirming she did attend, and does not appreciate being implied as a liar.


When a man has the cojones to call out a woman on her lies and bullshit, a woman will usually hide for the trenches.  Less common, but far from uncommon, is for a woman to become irrational and delusional, and get on the attack in blaming the man for calling her a liar (whether she is lying or not, which by clear majority she is).  The reason most women have no idea in how to handle being called out on their lies, is simply because we live in a world of weak men who aren’t ballsy enough to stand up to female misdemeanours, such is the fear that they (the men) cannot do any better and his woman will leave him if he doesn’t act in an accordance that makes her look and feel a human being with full integrity and morals.

The non-professional dynamic between her and me

If I was a betting man, and I’m not, and at the risk of sounding arrogant, my guess is she did a bit of looking up on my background.  In fact, I know she looked on my LinkedIn profile due to the viewed confirmation one receives.  If she looked at my Facebook profile pictures, and I’d hedge without proof that she did, she would have seen me in more aesthetic form.

Judging by the pictures I saw of her partner, it wouldn’t take more than two eyes to tell you I’m considerably more pleasing on the eye than him.  Add on the natural boredom factor any man or woman incurs when they are romantically involved with a member of the opposite sex for a prolonged period of time, and add on a bit of obvious plausibly denied flirty online chat I made, and my existence made her feel uncomfortable.

So in essence, her professional mind swayed towards what could be in it for her, but her personal mind manifested to feelings she wasn’t at ease with.  Post meeting day, whilst I’m sure she respects a man for calling her out for lying and not turning up, a woman like her wouldn’t touch me with a barge pole now.  A woman’s biggest fear is of a man who can see through her mask and lies, such is the rarity this occurs in her life due to the hoards of na├»ve, passive, unchallenging, accommodating, gullible, desperate, willing and weak men at her disposal.

A final thought

Women lying has become so part of their daily routine that it almost appears they have no remorse whatsoever in doing so.  If they are all at it, why should they feel guilty one iota?  Has this world become so competitive and a battle of survival that it is even promoted to lie in order to make ends meat and feel better about yourself?

Do women consciously lie, or is it simply a subconscious mechanism derived from their pride, ego, and non-accountable mentality of any wrongdoing?  For once, I act a little more on the compassionate side in believing it falls somewhere between the two.  Whilst I firmly believe some women do consciously lie on a regular basis without an ounce of contrition by living such a delusional life to think wrong is right, a larger share of women try to intricately work around the lies they tell.  In other words, whilst these women are most likely aware at the back of their minds they aren’t telling the truth, they will dress up a main lie with elements of the truth that allow them to feel less of a liar and that bit more moral. 

In effect, this subtle lying strategy isn’t much better than blatant female liars, although from my experience these kinds of women do tend to be “nicer” people than their conscious lying female counterparts.  I find these strategic female liars, if you will, are often women who are in need to feed their egos and feel better about themselves – to compensate for their lack of natural confidence and self-belief – therefore they will fabricate stories, mixed with fibs, in order to not get washed away in a fountain of self-doubts that real life constantly throws at them.

A final, final thought

Going back to the woman in this anecdote, she had been in more jobs in her career than I had in a career that spans more than ten years longer.  As someone who has been made redundant four times, I’m reserved and reluctant to criticize due to knowing how losing a job can often be bad luck and out of someone’s control, but with her my best guess is it goes far deeper than this misfortune possibility.

A few years ago, I dated a woman for about six months who appeared to have been in more jobs than years to her life (she was 27!).  It’s no coincidence that she was never satisfied with anything I, or life, supplied for her.  It was as if life owed her something more than she could objectively offer. 

I don’t think a woman who is always expecting in life beyond what reality can bring her is often a woman who will have been in more jobs than the average person.  Second to this is a woman who just cannot get on with people.  They always move on in thinking something or someone will offer them more than the last one.  Sometimes this will be the case.  Often it won’t be.

Tuesday, 27 October 2020

COVID-19 winners and losers in relationships


“It’s only when the tide goes out that you learn who has been swimming naked.”

(Warren Buffett)


I doubt many of us wouldn’t have expected to still be in the same, if not worse, predicament now as in comparison to the early part of this year.  Whether it be on health, psychological or economic spectrums, there aren’t any current signs of a brighter day post COVID-19 implications.

I certainly have not been immune to all this.  Whilst I still have scepticism on the whole statistics side, I guess when hospitals are crowded and coronavirus case numbers are increasing, the whole pandemic cannot be disregarded no matter how cynical a person one may be.  I still find it strange that, in spite of attaining a fairly large network of people within my working and personal groups, I don’t know of one person who has been inflicted by the virus.  I barely know of any on a second hand basis too.

Psychologically, I have sailed through all this, although I know many who have struggled.  When the sun is shining and you aren’t suffocated in seeing your wife and kids too much (as I’m not, due to owning neither), it’s easier for the long days to pass.  The winter will be more testing to many though, including myself.

Economically, it has been a mixed bag.  My financial portfolio is bizarrely at an all time high (mainly due to financial stimulus being bumped into corporate greed once more), yet this positive strike is somewhat negated by now effectively being unemployed due to the business I worked for going insolvent.  I’m in the company of tens of millions more around the world in losing their jobs.

The winners and losers in relationships

When I published this post back in March, my prediction was this would lead to a favourable consequence for beta males who are willing in commitment and provision.  Look forward six months or so, I think this was now a conservative view.  It is an incredible time for these men if they make the right steps.

As always, any circumstance brings about winners and losers.  I’ll cover the main two from each side:

Winner 1 - Beta Male / Nice Guys

Basically, these men have had a spring and summer like no other.  As I documented in this post amongst other snippets, in normal times a lot of these men will be dumped by women shortly after Valentines Day in order for them (women) to pursue edgier men and fun times with the girls on nights out and holidays.  But this has been no ordinary year.

What COVID-19 has produced - with its associated lockdown measures, social venue restrictions and limited travel – is a greater necessity for women to stay with men they perhaps are indifferent with and men they would have ordinarily moved on from.  A greater need for boyfriend companionship and validation has arisen from this mess we are found in, and this will be all the more applicable the smaller the city/town population.  When not as many female friends are venturing out, more women will choose for boyfriend time.

Winner 2 – Homely Girls

Homely girls – often cute girls ranging from 6.5/10 to 7.5/10 in physical attractiveness – are by no mean coincidence usually found with your typical average looking beta male.  The two kind of go hand in hand.  Homely girls aren’t too fond on socializing with female friends and they have a stronger need for boyfriend validation than their hotter female counterparts, whilst nice guys gain through securing these women who are better looking then them in gender relative terms (“he’s boxing above his weight”).

Nevertheless, although homely girls are accustomed with greater loyalty, trust and faithfulness, they are not any less inclined in thinking of a passionate night with an edgier man.  Some eventually act out their fantasy in practice too. 

However, with fewer good time girls and drama queens telling them stories of nights out, holidays, festivals and flirting with hotter men, a homely girl will feel better about her lifestyle choice in being with a safe, even if mundane, man.

 Loser 1 – Hot Men / Bad Boys / Cads

It would take a while to differentiate the fortunes between all three, but parallels will exist.  In all cases, this compartment of men is by and large most prominent in low commitment levels and high short term relationships with women.

Of course, these men rely on vibrant social dynamics where single women (or attached women going out with their female friends) are plentiful in being seen and having drunk, good times.  When bars are shutting at 10pm latest and an open nightclub is like seeing a pig flying in the sky, women willing to partake in these short term flings and good times are far lower in number.  It’s no coincidence that you are seeing a lot more aesthetic men in gyms at early doors.

 Loser 2 – Female Social Media Whores / Attention Seekers / Girl’s Girls

Again, at the risk of being ignorant in not separating each group, each one will entwine with the other on many occasions.  Similar to the men as explained directly above, these women are reliant on a high intensity social scene in order to exploit their all so fabulous life, existence and importance.  With all this being taken away, there are only so many photos a woman can take and post on Instagram from the corners of her lounge (which, as a by-product of the modern day female character we have to live with, has happened a lot over the last six months).

Unlike a man who requires a hectic nightlife environment in order to increase his chances of sex, women are far more concerned (and many women are only concerned) with showing the world how great she is.  The attention from men she receives is just an add on feel good factor and ego boost to assist the social media exploitation.  A large proportion of this exposure facility has been taken away from her.

 A final thought

So in essence, the biggest winners are men and women who like to spend a lot of time with their partner, and the biggest losers are men and women who hold strong predilections for low commitment and self-projected attention respectively.  For the foreseeable future, those who like steady relationships, even if passion is not of high optimums, are the ones with smiles on their faces.

Nothing lasts for ever though.  Life is cyclical, and things will eventually change.  Maybe this time though, those women who have lived a year of this life will change their ways indefinitely.  Or will human nature dictate, and normal service will be resumed this time next year?  Or, more likely, in eighteen months time.  For once, I cannot say with total conviction which side of the coin I believe it will fall on. 

Sunday, 18 October 2020

Modern day drama queen women


“Some aspects of life have manifested in a race to the bottom.  At times it feels like people throw an inundated amount of shit at the wall, playing the numbers game in ultimate hope that eventually some of it sticks.”


It could be teenage girls rambling on about nothing when you walk past them during walking your dog.  Maybe it is early 20’s women – in the prime of their physical looks and social options life pinch point – slagging off their friends, boyfriend, or a man who has effectively treated her like shit (which ironically is kind of what she desires anyway).  In today’s era, it can also be women in their mid to late 20’s, extending the period when they really should have grown out (but unfortunately they have not) of acting like their immature former self ten years ago.  Perhaps you have recently played school pick up role of Dad or Uncle, and you overhear women in their 30’s or even 40’s speaking amongst their peers about the social media goings on in their pitiful small local network.  And whilst thank god not as common, but equally growing in number, you even today find women in their 50’s, 60’s and heaven help us 70’s still looking for ways to keep the flame burning in their lives as a product of exaggerated stories.

The long and the short of it is, if you are willing to let yourself be dragged into some sort of commitment with >95% of women – no matter how big (hence living together, engagement or marriage) or small (short to medium term dating) this commitment is to be – you need to be fully prepared that the modern day woman is a species striving for drama in her life on a factory line basis, and it shows no sign of slowing down any time soon.  If you somehow do land on a dime where the woman you are involved with doesn’t seem to be one to grasp an ounce of drama at any given opportunity, you are most likely a man living in vain hope, ignorance of reality, or simple lack of experience with women to compare a pool of averages.

 Q-tip 1:

If you find a woman where everything in the early stages seems too good to be true, it is because it probably is (too good to be true).

The recent scenario

Last Sunday I was on a very quick early gym session before rushing off to see my young nephew play his first football match.  I had only been working out for ten minutes when I could hear some kind of verbal commotion about ten yards away.  Sat on one of the static benches was the male gym duty manager, although I assume he wasn’t working at that particular time.  His verbal shouting opponent was a female Personal Trainer / employee in her work uniform.  He is a slightly above average looking guy with what seems like small man’s syndrome issues, whilst she has always come across as quite friendly in addition to her cute physical attractiveness of 7/10.  She’s a bit too bow-legged for my liking, although facially very pretty. 

They went at it for about ten minutes, and the basis of it was her waxing not so lyrical about just “some guy she knows.”  He was giving as good as he got back, but I couldn’t grasp quite what he was replying with.  I presumed the two of them were together emotionally in some capacity.

A week on (hence today), and I was queuing for opening.  She got out her car and towards the door, commenting on that she thought the doors would be open.  She called someone on her phone, and a minute later the man referenced above, this time in his work clothing, opened up.  As I walked to the changing rooms, I heard her say just something routine to him. 

About twenty minutes into my workout, I moved to the other side of the gym (which is near the reception area) to finish off the last half of chest routine.  Low and behold, the two of them were at it again, and they continued on and off for approximately ten minutes.  I have to confess that for a few minutes last week it was kind of amusing.  Today it just came across as tedious, pitiful and desperate.  Not a grain of discretion or professionalism between the pair.  Then again, what should I expect from two gym workers in a chavvy side of Derby (with respect!).

My interaction with her

For the last ten minutes I went over to the TRX area to do some core work.  She came over to the blackboard which is situated over there prior to her 9am body pump class tuition.  I sarcastically said to her that I don’t need to watch any soap operas when her and that guy are going at it, to which she laughed and just said “oh, we’re just friends having a disagreement.”  I said to her, with a smirk on my face, that from my experience when someone hates another person that passionately there is a deep-rooted emotional attraction for them.  She impulsively denied this, saying they were just friends.  I said they seem more like a married couple.  She questioned to me if I never have arguments with my friends.  I replied in stating not really, and I added that I wouldn’t argue with a woman I wasn’t into as she would mean nothing to me to waste energy on (in retrospect, that isn’t completely true as I could argue with an unattractive provocative woman or a cock block etc…).

On the back of my comment about not arguing with a woman I’m not attracted to, I sensed a slight hesitation on her part, almost like she was trying to work this out.  She would have thought one of the two possibilities, each with contrasting outcomes to her ego:

  •  She could have taken this as a positive strike to her ego in interpreting my words as the guy finding her attractive.
  •  She could have taken this as an immediate negative blow to her ego, in construing my platonic demeanour towards her as me being unattracted.

Most likely, as women will do anything to send themselves to the moon, she will focus on the former.  In any case, not for a moment do I believe they are just friends.  Friends with benefits is the most likely circumstance.

Q-tip 2:

Women handle a friends with benefits relationship far worse than men.  This is purely because women, outside of prostitutes or porn actresses, find it much harder to disassociate passion and sex with emotional commitment.  Men on the other hand can easily go into a no strings attached agreement with a woman on a sex only basis, and quite happily not become emotionally involved.  This is, from a man’s perspective, because although he will happily not knock a gift horse in the mouth, deep down he has ruled her out as long term girlfriend or wife material – such is the too easy access to sex and questioning how many men she has done it with, or will do it with again.

To put another way, a man can have sex with a woman without attaining even a pint-sized pocket of love projected onto her.  As alluded to above, easy sex outside of committed relationships will only conceivably distance any prospective love he could have onto her.  Conversely, once a woman has had sex with a man or is contemplating having sex with him, the likelihood is she has some kind of (if not pure) twisted loving feeling towards him.

Don’t be the one to save the jerk loving / drama hunting woman

As I have directlyand indirectly explained in these two previous posts, when a woman has a clear inclination for jerks, or she has stated how unlucky she is and always ends up with men who treat her badly, she is one to stay away from in terms of commitment.  Have your fun with her, but draw the line there.  In spite of being a little above average looking, 5ft 6” maximum in height, and working in a low paid profession – hence objectively not of high sought after male calibre -  my better judgement tells me the man referenced in this post has an element of jerky reputation that has been manifested into the woman’s mind.  This attraction of his jerkiness is all the more compounded when it is a man somewhere floating in the circle of people she knows personally.  Women of today’s era find a greater need for drama produced from their small WhatsApp links or similar, than meeting men from corners they don’t know first-hand. 

A woman who has a history of dating jerks and/or men who are apathetic towards her will tell and usually convince nice guys – as >80% of men are nice guys – that all this is based on bad luck and nothing to do with her subconscious (or sometimes conscious) choices to go for men who bring the most drama to her life.  I always go by simple statistics.  If she dipped her hand in a bag looking the other way and 8 to 9 balls were green (nice guys) and 1 to 2 balls were red (jerks), would she pick out a red ball every time?  I think not.

A final thought

Women who strive for a constant and indefinite need for drama, often connected to dating jerks, are effectively women who cannot grow up in maturity terms.  You can reason and comprehend with a female mind following the natural innate character make up that is a teenage girl who goes for what is forbidden and in addition to feed her inner drama queen, but in order to be prepared to commit to a woman and put your financial, emotional, time and psychological well-being on the line, you have to be firm and predict that if she hasn’t grown out of this by 23, she probably never fully will.  And this will implicate on you in due course when she becomes bored of the stable relationship she has found with you.

In essence, you have a choice.  Go balls deep and hope for the most in committing to one of these women, or play a much safer game in the law of averages by acting apathetic, indifferent, non-committal and jerky towards her.  The irony is, in spite of telling all her friends that she wants nothing more than a nice guy to treat her right, the truth is she would end up with greater unhappiness with this “perfect guy” than she would do in being with the man who treats her like dog crap.

Sunday, 6 September 2020

Caught between a rock and a hard place

 “We have to do with the past only as we can make it useful to the present and the future.”

(Frederick Douglass, The Meaning of the Fourth of July for the Negro)

This post is most relevant to men who are a few years into their 30’s and up to middle 40’s.  It is even more pertinent for those in this age bracket who look after themselves in a physical sense.  It still holds relevance to men younger and older than this age range, however as you will read on it will explain why not as much.  Irrespective of age, it in entirety will only be related to with men who have a few brain cells to fathom these things out.  I would tend to think anyone who reads this blog has more than a few of those.

I recently moved to a new gym establishment, in consequently cancelling the membership I had held at the former venue for many years.  Once reopening came about at my former gym post lockdown closure, it was like a ghost town with barely more than ten people in at any given time.  Half of them were pensioners.  For the record, the current gym I have joined costs little more than half the membership fee ($25/month equivalent) against the former ($45/month), and generally speaking you will find that by no mean coincidence the more you pay in life, the higher the quality of product or service.  The inverse of course applies.  Saving money was not a motive in my decision.  I felt like a change, and the time felt right too. 

There are more than twenty gyms in a small city like Derby alone.  Little wonder a few of them have not reopened since being permitted to, and the one I previously attended also went into insolvency (but has since been bought out by a new chain).  With this in mind, and like nearly any other city or town in the world where there will be affluent, poor and middle range social class suburbs within, gyms can be a reflection to what kind of clientele exist in the geographical network as a whole.

The two polar opposite scenarios with female physical and mental interaction

As I queued this morning a couple of minutes prior to opening, ahead of me stood a woman who looked in her late 30’s to early 40’s.  After I routinely said “Morning”, she configured the next line of topic.  We struck up conversation about this gym and gyms generally around the area.  I wasn’t even in the slightest physically attracted to her, although she was in reasonable shape.  Even in a few minutes it was such a comfortable and enjoyable chat, with both of us on a same wavelength and seemingly similar social class.  In fact, she said she lives in the village I was brought up in – middle class in general terms.  I could sense her disappointment when she saw me wearing a wedding ring.  This is a tactic I use deliberately, although not only, to not give women I am not attracted to the wrong idea.  As a friendly and interactive guy, a lot of women can get the wrong impression.  Women I am attracted to will, on an average basis, be likely no more or less attracted to me if they see this ring on my committed finger.

Nevertheless, as alluded to earlier, by and large low prices will gather lower income people or people with less disposable income to the environment.  What a low (or lower cost in relative terms) gym cost will produce is a younger and/or most likely lower class level of personnel.  In some cases, the younger members – late teens to early 20’s – may in fact belong to a middle class or even above middle to upper class family, however their own lack of funds naturally only allow them to a more budget oriented fitness club.  By clear majority, in any case.

Based on experience, what a man will then find is a higher number and percentage of physically attractive women at a lower paid gym - excluding the WAG venues which are >$150/month paid by their rich beta or (or isolated footballer) husbands.  The lower the cost, the younger the female consumer.  The younger the female consumer, the more physically attractive she is likely to be.  It all feeds through.  Whilst this in visual terms is obviously pleasing, like most things in life, every positive comes with a negative.  The big negative in this scenario is a lack of female personality and social confidence. 

Pre social media

There was a reason at the beginning why I stressed this post is not as relevant to men younger than 30.  The reason being is because any man above this age (give or take a year) will have, even if only for a short period of time, experienced a life before Facebook came along.  Facebook was the start, and then the feeder ground for even worse attention seeking and egotistical social media platforms.  Maybe you even remember a time when only rich businessmen owned mobile phones, and not every second person you walked past the street had their head held down in typing.

Whilst the world was far from perfect prior to social media (granted, there were one or two others I recollect before Facebook, but these were more just reuniting websites with very little emphasis on the self-importance mindset), the planet before mobile phones and social media forced people to at least talk to each other and develop their personalities and charisma.  Even people not blessed with intelligence would need at least a decent level of ability to hold a conversation just to get by.

This necessity of personality and amiability has almost become a none-requirement in the modern day.  Men, as the gender still in this day and age who hold more responsibility to bring in money and attain the best profession they can land on, need it more than women, but not even to the slightest degree in comparison to generations that preceded.  Women, it seems in general terms, have little need any more to develop any kind of positive persona or likeability.

So what does this bring about?

Simply put, the modern day manifests a young woman being motivated to look as good as she can, yet she spends a 24/7 life worrying what the world thinks of her.  Rare are the days a man can approach this woman and just have an enjoyable conversation.  Near absolution are the days when, to conceal her insecurity and lack of confidence, she holds her head down to her phone or places over-sized headphones on in order to avoid any human interaction or eye contact. 

You can blame it on social media, a lack of male fortitude to not kiss a half-decent looking woman’s ass, or just a circumstance of evolution, but in the end it doesn’t really matter because the end product is the same. 

Q-tip 1:

Exceptions do exist, but they are so rare and isolated that the law of averages don’t play well in a man’s favour.  I’ve met some young women with great personalities, and equally I’ve experienced unattractive women in their 40’s, 50 or even 60’s who have acted with body language antagonism, hostility, and verbal and physical aggression towards me.  But generally speaking in female age respects, the perfect balance is the physical side of the former and the personality of the latter.

Is there a perfect balance?

On paper, the best balance a man can hope for would be women in their middle to late 20’s or women who have looked after themselves in their 30’s.  In theory, here you have physical attractiveness combined with a woman who no longer takes herself too seriously, who isn’t as insecure or as self-conscious, and has realised men do actually like female personality and friendliness (unlike the false female projection thought process - in the opposite way where women are attracted to moody and aggressive men, to an extent anyway).

In theory.  I find in today’s world that women almost never desire (or most likely are too frightened to accept the candle is burning) to grow up in a mental capacity, so they try and compensate this by deliberately still acting immature and like the little girl they always were.  It’s as if by still acting like a little girl convinces her that time isn’t passing her by.  Women’s fondest memories of life will always be when they were most physically attractive, and unfortunately for them this occurs way too soon and lasts no where near as long as they would like it to.

Add on the fact that most women in this age bracket are already with, or lining up, the beta male to provide them with a wedding, house and kids to show off, and it’s no mean coincidence you don’t see many women in gyms who are aged late 20’s to early 30’s.

A final thought

I like to go to the gym early mornings – 6am in the week and 8am at weekends (not every day) to get it out the way – therefore this may have a lot to do with my next thought.  What gyms, at least early in the morning but later on too, derive is a false representation of gender physical attractiveness.  In general terms, if you picked a random thousand women and a thousand random men aged 18 to 35, there would be four to five times as many physically attractive women as there would be men.   The mean female grade would be at least a level higher between both groups of a thousand as well.

With this in mind, why is it there are considerably more physically attractive men than women in the gym? 

  • One reason is as already implied – women (especially attractive women) will tend to avoid public gatherings where they look their least physically attractive (without make-up, hair not brushed well etc).  A higher number and percentage of women will train in the evening.
  •  Another reason is women aren’t as prone to work hard for things.  To get the best results you need to attend the gym regularly and train to your limit – something men in life are innately born to do and conversely women expect it is given to them for free. 
  • Women aren’t as confident as men when alone and with nobody to talk to (“What will the world think of me if I’m on my own!?”).  Therefore, unless she has a routine female workout partner, her inclination to attend and insecurity of lonesome travelling is low and high respectively.
  • On a similar “safety in numbers” psychology to the above, many women will only attend the gym to do a spin class or similar.  With this concept, you don’t see these women in the gym, per se.
  • Once a woman finds a man she is happy to be with, whether this is genuine passion to be with him or simple boyfriend validation requirement she is going through, women are more likely to quit anything that requires hard work or a motivation to look as good.  Most women will know that the men they are with will stay with them even if she puts on a few pounds. 

A final, final thought

You will also find more than a fair share of women who will only train with their male boyfriends.  Women of this nature are symbolic to women who cannot bear to be in an environment with other women to compete with, so they hang around other men to negate this irritable feeling.  It is the same dynamic to the perennial woman who never (or rarely) goes out with her female friends, and in substitute prefers to go out with her boyfriend and his mates.

I can understand it from the female perspective as explained above – it masks over her insecurity and gives her the attention she craves for.  What I can’t understand is why any man would go along with this on a regular basis?  First, surely the best relationships are where you have some distance between – hence you don’t live in each other’s pockets and have more to talk about when you are together?  Second, there can’t be a man who has ever set foot in a gym in his life who can honestly say he had a better and more productive workout when training with his girlfriend than in contrast to working out on his own?

What this all boils down to is a man equally as insecure as his girlfriend, but in a different manner.  Whereas she is insecure in so far as fear of being on her own and not having any attention in an environment with other women around, he is insecure because he is worried that she has eyes on other (and more sought after) men and she will be approached by them.  Quite sad really.

Q-tip 2:

As I always say, if a woman is going to cheat on you, she will find a way, time and place to do so.  No amount of clinging onto her and tracking her every move will mitigate this, especially over a period of time.  If a woman cheats on a man, any half-witted male human being will be able to pick up on this.  And if she does cheat on you (outside of marriage in the main), she has done you a favour in allowing you to not commit any further to a garbage excuse of a woman.  Comprenez vous?

Saturday, 29 August 2020

Can relationships be happy in the modern era?

“Time in the market is more important than trying to time the market.”

The global pandemic has done nothing positive to make many people’s lives better.  Whether that be irritability in spending too much time at home with your partner, realizing you appreciate your kids in smaller rather than larger doses, mental health or depression, unemployment, or the inevitability of less money in your pocket, there can only be a tiny minority of people who come out of this smelling of roses.  At best, some will be no worse off than prior to COVID-19.

I walked into Derby city centre a couple of weeks ago on a depressing Wednesday morning as I waited for car repairs.  Whilst it’s not the most vibrant place in the world, it is still a city status at the end of the day with a decent sized population and catchment area.  The fact it was like a ghost town and demoralising to even the most optimistic mind, made me think what the hell smaller town centres must feel like.  Of course, retail was on its knees well before March 2020.  This has just compounded it all.

Where is all this going?  Well it just made me ponder on how the average man on the street, in particular men in their twenties and thirties, are simply being priced out of even a half-decent life.  In the western world, and England is a prime example, we can be guilty of analysing what we don’t have ahead of appreciating what we do have.  I guess this is just human nature.  But even accounting for this lack of perspective based on those truly struggling around the world, it isn’t too much to expect life to plan out a reasonably paid job for you and a roof over your head that is not prone to doors being knocked down in the middle of the night by thugs.

Unfortunately, and you don’t need more than your own two eyes to realize this, the average man is now faced with a larger gap between essentials (or at least the basics in life) and income to reach that path.  In other words, what he earns is falling behind inflation and grasping onto the property ladder.  Many can’t even afford to rent other than sharing a house with a few friends in their late twenties or even thirties, and quite frankly many men will stay at home with their parents as a preference to this option. 

How does this impact on relationships?

The problem is, in the same timeframe men are struggling now more than ever in financial terms (amongst emotional and psychological ways too), the exposure to celebrity magazines, reality TV shows (at least prior to COVID), internet accessibility to the rich and famous, and social media obsession of high earners (mainly in the form of male sports and music stars), has led women to become more expectant in what life should bring to the table for them.  The two dynamics – male struggles and female expectations - don’t match up well.  It is a car crash waiting to happen.

Male Calibre
1          2          3          4          5          6          7          8          9          10

Female Expectations
10        9          8          7          6          5          4          3          2          1

What you find in the modern world is a battle, and near impossibility, to find the perfect match.  Let’s say Drake or LeBron James is the equivalent of a male 10, and a fat, ugly, smelly, short and unemployed man is a male 1.
I’ll give a few examples:

Male Calibre 5 v Female Expectations 7

I used this as the first example, as I believe this dynamic would fall into the most common compartment.  By the sheer law of average, most men will be 5 in overall offerings terms.  The problem is, the average woman has expectation levels which are a couple of grades higher.  Most women will have to settle for a 5 man, especially as they (women) get older, because even though her self-importance mindset believes she deserves better, no man of higher grade is forthcoming.  If ever you see a woman looking miserable and like she’s been slapped by a smelly haddock, it is because she has settled for a man who was never good enough for her, in her opinion.

Male Calibre 7 v Female Expectations 8 (or Male Calibre 8 v Female Expectations 9)

You may think that because the gap has decreased by a level in comparison to the first example, this woman will be happier with what she has.  To start with, possibly.  As the man is at the higher end of male quality, the first few weeks or months give her a degree of elevated ego and something to get one over most of her friends.  Nevertheless, a woman who attains higher expectation levels has allowed herself to be brainwashed by mothers, sisters, friends or/and her own mind that no man who isn’t a millionaire or of high status is worthy of her company.  This scenario, in spite of only one grade separating the partnership, is as likely to end in unhappiness as the first one.

Male Calibre 7 v Female Expectations 7

This is as near to perfection as you will find, and it will be very rare in the modern day.  A man with male calibre equating to 7 is a good catch, and equally not too unattainable.  A female woman with level 7 expectations will not settle for just any man (an amount of choosiness is a good trait for woman to have, such is the verification she will not just hop from one man to the next), but equally she hasn’t let her mind run away with the fairies that a professional sports star will come knocking on her door tomorrow.  Both parties are happy, and providing both maintain their respective levels, there is no reason for unhappiness to creep in.  On paper, anyway.

Male calibre 8 v Female Expectations 7

I’ve used these figures as the most relevant, but it could also apply to Male 7 v Female 6 or Male 9 v Female 8.  What you find in this case is very rare, such is the fact that women by and large have a higher expectation level than the average man’s calibre level.  If the man has found a cute or hot girl who just so happens to be humble, modest and realistic (hence a rocking horse shit woman!), it is time to jump for joy and ensure she’s a keeper.  However, more likely in this dynamic is a situation where the man doesn’t quite realize his high level.  Some of this could be down to modesty, but more likely it is his lack of confidence.  In this case, the man has gone for a less physically attractive woman than himself – hence the fact she has a lower expectation level than his quality.

A final thought

Where will all this end?  Pure and simple, both parties never end up genuinely happy over a longer term. 

A women will settle for a man of calibre which is below her expectation levels, such is her fear of being alone and her greater need of validation that some man loves her.  A woman who thinks she has settled is never a pleasant proposition. 

Men, whilst theoretically should gain because they will often secure women who are more physically attractive than themselves, also over a longer period end up unhappy.  Because his woman has settled for him in her mind, eventually he has to incur her more frequent habits of mood swings, sassy/provocative comments, disappearing acts, hot/cold temperaments and, most likely worst of all, sex withdrawal. 

I went for a drink with a friend to a local pub the other day.  Stood at the bar were a three barmaids moaning about their jobs and slagging off their colleagues and work set up.  The women were about 20, 21 and 24.  It only reinforced my view on how hard it is to keep a woman happy, and how she will always expect life to be better than what it presents for her.

In this respect, most men are doomed from the start, and failure of the relationship at some point is almost inevitable.  Whatever you provide for them, it won't be good enough.  With this in mind, as a man you have three options.  One option is to abstain from women in absolution.  Another option is to go balls deep, and hope the most you are one of the lucky men who comes out unscarred and in genuine happiness.  The final option is to live in the life of women, enjoy what they can offer you, but never put yourself in the position of vulnerability where their likely forthcoming thoughts are that your best is not good enough.  I like the latter of all.

Saturday, 15 August 2020

The perfect mentality for a stand out man

“It is better to be different and right, than unoriginal and wrong.”

Or to elaborate on the phrase above, it is far better to belong to a minority of people (even if this is a tiny minority) that know the reality and truisms of life, rather than consist in the majority who are followers, lapdogs and compliance robots getting it wrong.  The choice is yours…

When you are a unique man who stands out from the crowd, it’s inevitable that in a world where most people look down on those doing well, you will receive antagonism from both women and other men alike.  The country I belong to is worst than most for this unfortunate circumstance, such is the default mindset British people have in supporting the underdog but dragging down the successor.  They don’t like to see you struggle, but then once at the mountaintop they are happy to see you fall down to the valley in a heartbeat.

Uniqueness can derive in various ways.  Maybe you have stand out good looks and physical attractiveness that separate you from the masses of >99% of other men?  Perhaps you dress flamboyantly or at least dapper which, whether through your own deliberation or just ease of presence, projects attention and eyes onto you?  Are you charismatic which is in conjunction with great body language and personality?  Are you incredibly well known and popular?  Do you live in a house and drive a car that people could only dream to own?  Have you come into vast sums of money through fortune, hard work, handouts or inheritance? 

Whether it is only one or a combination of the reasons given, most people have a natural default that brings about jealousy, envy, antagonism, aggression or even hatred towards the one who appears to have what they would like.  It’s one of life’s true misfortunes, but a habit that will never go away.

If you are a man who stands out from the crowd, you can expect the following from a high percentage of women:
  • A face like a bulldog chewed a wasp when she walks past you or you are in her vicinity
  • Top lip rolled down and eyes to the floor to avoid any eye contact with you
  • Silly comments that try and devalue your obvious blessings
  • Talking about herself to avoid any attention onto you
  • Hostility like deliberately barging past you even if there is plenty of room
  • A lack of response when you interact with her
  • Pre-determined damage to your assets (this could be as little as throwing a bit of drink on your T-shirt or as pitiful as denting your car)

If you are a man who stands out from the crowd, you can expect the following from a decent percentage of other men:
  • Not dissimilar to women, head down when they walk past you
  • Attempts to humiliate you in front of other men and women   
  • In association with the crowd humiliation attempts, no courage to say these stupid comments when it is just you and him alone  
  • Discomfort in his body language when it is just the two of you in conversation
  • Aggressive behaviour towards you when he is with his mates.  This can be blatant attempt to start direct verbal conflict or fighting
  • Trying to emphasise his accomplishments in life, no matter how insignificant they are
  • Broadcasting to you, often with no link to the conversation flow, that he knows someone who has a higher grade than your particular attribute or ownership

The lists are not exhaustive, but they will cover most scenarios.  It is also important to note that not all women and men will be like this.  A very small minority of women will be amiable, friendly and engaging, almost to the point where they are trying to get to know you to elevate their own self-importance.  This is rare though.  A minority of other men – I’d say around one in four men – will go out of their way to get to know you and have some engagement of you in their life.  As men aren’t as naturally jealous as women on a wholesale basis, alongside being much more proactive in putting themselves out there, it is logical that a far greater number of men will make genuine and likeable efforts to get to know you.

But if ever you want a prime example in how to deal with people who clearly don’t like you, simply take a look at this video from 03:25 to 04:00.  As a big football fan, I enjoyed the whole thing, but for the point of this post the thirty-five seconds that Cristiano Ronaldo presents here is golden to the mentality you need.

Now some of you may say this is a bad example, because when you are one of the most famous sport stars on the planet, it doesn’t really matter who hates you due to the army in comparison of people who idolize you.  I disagree.  In percentage terms Cristiano Ronaldo will have just as many haters (hence the majority) in contrast to people who like him (hence the minority) than a stand out man who isn’t globally known.  The principle is the same.  Many thousands, even millions, of his near quarter of a billion Instagram followers will also have more negative emotions towards him than positive.  The reason they follow him is out of intrigue and being part of a crowd, rather than their genuine likeness towards him.

What Ronaldo does is perfect on two counts.  First, he self-promotes himself with not a care to what people may think to this lack of modesty.  Further than that, this self-promotion of his physical looks is in reference to his relative deficiency (in football terms) of age.  There won't be many post 28 year old women taking fondly to a 35 year old man looking so good and younger than his birth certificate shows!  Second, he throws it in the face of people who don't like him.  Why should he care, and he rightly points this out.  If you don't like me, I'm not asking you to do so.

Those that mind don’t matter, and those that matter don’t mind.  When all said and done, play to the audience who matter the most to you.

A final thought

There was always the alleged consensus that Ronaldo and Lionel Messi did not get on very well throughout the nine years they were rivals during the Real Madrid and Barcelona days.  Of course, this rivalry was as much about their individual statistics, honours and accomplishments than it was about club trophies. 

This is no surprise in practice.  When two super alpha males are battling out for supremacy in a, relatively speaking, same environment, it is always going to be hard for the two of them to genuinely get on well.  I know some readers are from countries where football (soccer) is not overly popular, therefore another example that springs to mind is the late Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O’Neal internal battles that were suggested by many parties some years ago during the LA Lakers triumphs.

In both situations – Ronaldo/Messi and Bryant/O’Neal – it is no surprise that two factors brought the respective players closer together with a far easier passage to get on well.  The first factor is age – as men get older, they mature and mellow.  The second factor is distance (in these instances, Ronaldo moving to Italy and Bryant/O'Neal post retirement respectively) – when you separate the real estate between two men of such high status, when they do meet more intermittently it is far more warm-hearted.

On a far, far smaller scale, I can totally relate to this.  Many men have been hostile, ridiculing and aggressive towards me when they see me on a regular basis, yet when months or even years have passed when we haven’t crossed paths, they have almost been engaging and willing in conversation.  The same applies with women.  Those who once looked at me like they had been slapped with a wet kipper appeared to be friendlier when time had passed from the last meeting.

I guess the moral is this:
Stand out men cause negative emotions to people when they are seen for the first time or/and on a regular basis, but they produce positive emotions to people when distance and time has been put between them.  To elaborate further, most people don’t like seeing stand out men on a day to day basis, but they would truly miss these men if gone forever.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder...