Sunday, 29 September 2019

A movie with an inevitable ending

“If they tell you that you have big shoes to fill, then tell them you have big feet.”

There are certain situations in life that bring about an inevitable outcome.  One scenario could be a person’s disgusted face when a neighbour’s cat craps all over your garden.  Another instance could be your inner desire to vomit when inflicted to the smell of piss when walking down the stairs of a multi-storey car park.  Or perhaps it’s the sight of a full English breakfast the morning after a big night?

In any case, life experience, assisted with possessing a few brain cells and not fearing reality, allows you to expect, if not be surprised, when a circumstance evolves from an apparent happy beginning.  Sometimes it is a simple case of just opening your eyes and not living in a world of fallacy and ideology.  Other times people open the wrapping paper for you, in confirming what you already knew.

This article gives a reader a real-life synopsis of what can happen when a woman dates a man who is significantly boxing above his weight in physical attractiveness terms.  As secondary onlookers (hence not knowing the people involved personally), we can only fill in the blanks of what else went on, and what goes on, within our best estimate outside of a one-page summary.

First, not for a moment am I doubting the woman’s integrity and honesty, nor am I defending this pathetic man.  He’s been jailed for 11 years; therefore he clearly took it up upon himself to use violent abuse on her amongst anything else.  Beating up a woman, in my opinion, is the most despicable and cowardice act (outside of murder and rape) alongside paedophilia.  I don’t care how much a woman provokes you or cheats on you, a man who chooses to use physical aggression on a woman is a complete coward and poor excuse for a human being with testicles.  Yes, woman do provoke and cheat, but a man who is ever is confronted with these moments must take the high road, move on, and be the bigger person.  If a man can’t accept that a woman never grows up, then there’s little benefit in getting seriously involved with her in the first place.

Here’s the once happy couple:

The above picture doesn’t do her much justice in terms of her hotness.  This one does:

Albeit in a WAG way, and in the absence of seeing her whole figure, she is a solid 9/10 at the appealing age of 24.  Granted, from my experience women who doll themselves up to this level take a huge dip in natural look (it may well be if you saw her in the morning she is no greater than a 6/10), but as I’ve always said, you can only judge a person’s aesthetic value on what you see there and then.

On the other hand, he is struggling to even tip to 6.5/10 in gender relative terms.  That’s a near 40% leverage (or deleverage in her case) of partner physical attractiveness disparity.  A woman generally seeks out a man who is 10% to 15% less physically attractive than her, and it certainly isn’t alien to see women with men who are 20% less aesthetically gifted, but a 40% drop is rare outside of a man possessing fame and fortune. 

The article does tell us she is a mother of one, and this one fact alone will deter many men, but her hotness level and relative youth mitigates a lot of her parentage baggage. 

We don’t know the facts, but this is my take on the process of events from a general analysis when I see couples of this dynamic.

1)    A woman (especially above 23 years of age) has an ego driven motivation to be with a man less physically attractive than her.  The bigger the gap, the better she feels about herself and believes he will strive harder to please her.
2)    A single parent mother, no matter what her looks level, will have fewer male suitors than her equivalent non parenting status – all else equal.  This knowingly (although not admitting it to others or herself) makes her demands for a “suitable man” that little bit more flexible.
3)    A man in this dynamic, especially in a small town, will feel he has won the lottery in locating a woman of this hotness level to date him.
4)    At first, all is rosy in the garden.  The woman has her head (hence ego) swelled to a size that can barely fit through the door, and the man benefits from the best sex (or at least the best ejaculations) he has ever experienced in his whole life.
5)    As time goes on, resentment on her side strikes first.  Although appreciative of his efforts in the short term, she can’t help but think as each day passes that he is not the best man she could be with.  The smiles on her face dry up, and the good feeling she gained from being with a much lesser looking man diminishes. 
6)    As time goes on, but later than the time as explained in 5), he senses her interest dwindling.  Sex is not as frequent, and her gratitude is not as common. 
7)    As time goes further on, his sense of her growing apathy and disinterest manifests to produce enhanced jealousy and frustration on his part.  The existence of a kid (I can only assume the child is from another man’s seed), will only further compound his anxiety that he is not a priority in her life.
8)    She wants out - but will likely wait until there is a near guarantee of another man to give her boyfriend validation.
9)    He senses she is cheating, and his obsession of her and inner thoughts that he will never secure anyone as sexually attractive again, takes control of his mind to violently abuse her.

I want to reiterate once more that, no matter what happened (and I’d hedge a fair bet I’m not too far off the mark at all), any man who uses violence on a woman should have the book thrown at him and then have the key tossed away.  You could carve a better man out of a carrot.  I doubt she cheated anyway, but even if she did, any man in this position should just walk away and realize she did him a favour.

If a woman ever cheats on you outside of marriage, comprehend that she actually did you a big favour.  This may seem illogical and bizarre when your heart is shaking like a volcano and the nausea feeling won’t leave, but ultimately she has given you a crash course in finding out what she is really like.  You could have spent months, if not years more of your life, before finding her true colours for the woman she truly is.

For the record, I have never knowingly been the victim of infidelity, but I can’t say in practice this was the case for sure. What I do know is that I have been with more than a few women who were looking for, and contriving a strategy for, their next boyfriend whilst still with me.

A final thought

The article states that the man confessed to cheating on the woman on the same night as the torture started.  This is the part that doesn’t add up to me.  If a man has been cheating on a woman for a sustained period, I very much doubt that once confronted by his girlfriend regarding this adultery, he flips his lid and starts beating her up.  Surely, he just uses this as an excuse to get out (assuming why he was cheating in the first place?) or he asks for forgiveness in a way of holding his hands up?  I fully appreciate that a man can have sex with a mistress (even for a decent timeframe), yet still be in love with his girlfriend/wife, but I find it hard to understand how a cheating man then beats her up.  I’ve known first-hand of men to beat up their female partners once knowledgeable of her infidelity, but becoming violent when he is the one with pants caught down just doesn’t tally up.

My two pennies worth derive to these four possibilities:
·       He was never cheating, and this part of the story is make-believe.
·       She was cheating, and he found out.
·       He maybe cheated on isolated occasions as the sex frequency with her fragmented.
·       Neither was cheating, but his obsession towards her simultaneous to his sense of her drifting away took charge of his mind.


BBC NEWS (Online)

Thursday, 12 September 2019

Man being sexually harassed by women

“Conscious manipulation, or an uncontrollable cry for help?”

F Sharp asks for my thoughts on the below:

“Good day mate! I hope that this message finds you well. I read your article called "Isolated occasions of women complimenting men’s looks", and I got to thinking: have you ever had (I'm sure that you have) any incidences with female sexual harassment at work? I don't mean you being the aggressor, but the victim... I keep having this issue and I don't know the best way to deal with it (sales, customer service, and even construction). Any advice, or could you write a small guide for how to handle it?
P.S. I understand that you have your own engagements in life and more important topics to articulate, but if you ever have a moment to write a guide for men in this scenario, I would be much obliged!”

My response:

Had I not previously received genuine emails from F Sharp on other topics where advice was requested, and it was consequently from another reader, I would suspect a comment of this kind may have been aggressively written with an element of tongue in cheek attached.  However, knowing F Sharp in a social media context per se, I take every word he wrote as genuine and honest.  I know there are some readers, and haters (both women and men), who cannot stand the subscriptions I make in terms of aspects related to very good-looking men, but so be it.  I’ll still write what I like, I’ll still speak what I see when necessary, and ultimately, I’ll restfully still sleep at night.

First, a direct answer to the question.  No, I have never been sexually harassed by women in the workplace.  Coming to think of it, I have never been sexually harassed by a female member of society in any environmental situation.  The closest I can think is some years ago when on a night out when a woman, most likely striving for troll points in front of her friends, said to me from five yards away: “You’re making me wet just by looking at you.”
As she wasn’t the most arousing of women, I just smiled and replied: “You’re welcome.”

The only other times which I could say comes close to any kind of female sexual harassment is the usual excuse to just touch me on the shoulder or make out that I looked stressed in subsequently massaging me, but for me this is just flirty interaction as opposed to downright sexual contact.  Besides, in some cases I was more than happy to be touched by younger female colleagues. 

In essence, I guess it depends on a man’s interpretation to what female sexual harassment constitutes.  For the purpose of online definition:
 Sexual Harassment:
Behaviour characterized by the making of unwelcome and inappropriate sexual remarks or physical advances in a workplace or other professional or social situation.

With the definition now looked upon more closely, I suppose in this case I have then in fact been sexually harassed by women on more occasions than I’ll ever remember.  Nevertheless, to reiterate in my view I wouldn’t class it as anything more than flirtatious, maybe even desperate, female actions in getting that bit closer to me.

It’s funny because I don’t think I ever really acknowledged that female sexual harassment projected onto men even existed until I saw the Indecent Proposal movie on DVD.  I recall finding the whole film somewhat bizarre, to the point of thinking that if I was Michael Douglas, I’d just let Demi Moore carry on with her advances and enjoy the ride, so to speak.

Anyway, this clearly has given F Sharp some disturbance, and it needs to be answered and thought upon seriously.  First, it all depends on how much anxiety it is causing you.  If it is an experience like that as explained in my life, I simply wouldn’t do anything.  Remember that any notification you make to your Human Resources will, no matter how much you ask for it to be treated in confidence, conceivably result in word getting out that it was you who reported a level of sexual harassment.  You will only be laughed at, sneered at, or looked down upon for doing this. 

If it is genuinely causing you trepidation, discomfort or a sour taste in your mouth for the start of every day, then I can only suggest having a quiet word with the woman/women who are interacting with you in this way.  I’d try and nip it in the bud that way, perhaps just stating you find it flattering yet uncomfortable due to the working environment.  Another reason you could give is that your boss has commented on this and you think it could have a detriment on your progression (ironically, if you have a female line manager this attention you receive from other women could have positive results if she is a hot boss, or negative results if she is older and/or ugly).

I appreciate this may not be the advice you were looking for, but it is difficult for me to state anything more productive when I can only view it as something to not take too seriously.

Further female flirty thoughts – fertile/horny week

I was intending to write a bespoke post on this subject, and I may still do so, but for now I will write a few words on how any man, especially a highly gifted aesthetic man, can use the one week out of four female fertile period to his advantage.  I must be honest and confess that the penny never dropped on my plate for many years into my experience with women, but once comprehensive to the undeniability of real life, my success to become intimate with women vastly improved.

Ultimately, women possess two mating strategies that represent the alpha fux beta bux phrase that is now accustomed to any man who knows the first thing about good ladies from our opposite sex.  For three weeks (give or take a day or two) out every four weeks, a woman will usually be more than content with her average looking, pleasant, safe, reliable and providing male partner who receives very little attention from female counterparts.  This man is good for her ego, makes her feel like a princess, and will nearly always be someone she can plan a long term with.

The problem, for her and him, is when she arrives at the start of day ten on her menstrual cycle, up until typically day fifteen or sixteen.  This one week out of four leaves her with an innate and uncontrollable urge to seek out edgier, more popular and better-looking men than the male partner she accompanies.  I’d go as far to say that in this day and age, if most women only have a full-on night out one in every four weekends, they will make best attempts to ensure the date is planned around the most fertile and horny window week. 

During this one week out of four, a woman’s taste for men drastically takes a turn.  If man thinks marriage, or even being a mother, changes this habit then think again.  It only compounds her urge; such is now her dwindling sexual predilection to the male long-term partner.  The only implication marriage and kids may have on some women is their resistance to carry out infidelity actions due to the consequences involved, but don’t bet on too many married women and/or mothers holding down this level of integrity, loyalty and faithfulness.

It’s ironic that when a man gets married and becomes a father, he becomes more attractive to nearly every other woman in his social or working network apart from to the woman he married or is the mother of his child.

But if you are a man who naturally attracts women at ease, it would be prudent to take full advantage of this female wonder week.  Women who usually give you the cold shoulder (due to your gender relative higher physical attractiveness) or women in stable relationships will show far greater proactive, physical contact and proximity signs that they would like to get to know you better.  This window only lasts a matter of days (often only one day in that week if you don’t see her day in day out), therefore pick up on it as soon as you can.  Because once day sixteen passes, there will be another three weeks where she goes back into her shell and is happy for Monsieur Dependable.  You may not see her during the next window opening.

These signs are easy to pick up on, because as stated above, her habits, body language, likeability and closeness onto you will positively change for six or seven days.  What is all usually negative, acrimonious, unreceptive and unfriendly behaviour on her part, takes a 180-degree turn.

This is effectively why a woman can never be truly happy or consistent in her relationship life, because she must carry out two roles for every month of her life.  You could make an argument to question why the hell any man in his right mind would get married and place himself in such risky waters.  Then again, most men know nothing about women, and what makes them tick, or not.

Wednesday, 17 July 2019

Indirect or direct interaction with women?

“Fate can bring people together in the same way fate can drive us apart.”

There is a lot of information out there on various blogs or alternative reading regarding whether it is more beneficial to approach women, when hitting on them, in an indirect or direct manner.  Some of what I write in this post may have been read before, but I’d expect a few items will be a little more original.

It’s important to set out the parameters and differentials between indirect and direct interaction, with the according advantages and disadvantages to suit:

Indirect interaction consists of a man approaching a woman with an environmental/common ground opener or similar.  At no stage does the man state his intentions of affection onto the woman, even though in a lot of (but not all) cases a woman would be aware this man has interest in her.

Pure and simple, indirect interaction buys a man time.  As a by-product, this time allows him to exploit his personality and likeability (although in turn not being too nice or happy), and as women require a self-evaluation of many male desirables which are not only based on physical attractiveness, there is a more likely circumstance of her wanting to get to know him better if he ticks the early boxes. 

The main deficiency in indirect interaction is never quite knowing whether she likes you or not in a way you want her to venture on.  A good deal of women will quite happily give a man their number, engage in messaging, and even go on a date or two (or three or four!) in receipt of the ego boost and attention they receive, yet in fact have no intention whatsoever to engage sexually with him.  If not nipped in the bud sooner rather than later, many a man wastes a good deal of money, time and emotional investment on a woman who isn’t interested in him other than non-sexual motivations. 

In easy language, direct interaction is when a man doesn’t hide his attraction onto a woman, and he informs her of this fact early on.  It is rare to use this strategy as an immediate opener, but it can work.  Direct interaction – and the verbal execution of a man telling a woman he is attracted to her – is most beneficial shortly after an indirect opener and some brief conversation, but his intentions must be stipulated at some stage prior to going their separate ways.

Unlike indirect interaction which can and does leave a man hanging and scratching his head down the line when her interest appears indifferent at best, direct interaction boxes a woman into a corner in enforcing her to decide.  She will know this man who attains the cojones to know what he wants is not in the habit of wasting time, and this will, usually, at the very least eradicate her innate time-wasting trait which is born out of the attention she craves.  In simple terms, direct interaction saves any wasted money, time and emotion exertion.

For women who are on the insecure or low confidence side (which represents most women), a direct approach will be too intimidating for them.  They will believe a man who has this level of fortitude and balls approaches many other women in the same way, and in fact she is just a number.  Whilst nearly all women are sexually attracted to highly confident and courageous men, their high insecurity more often than not subconsciously (or sometimes consciously) leads her to choose a less confident man for relationship material. 

Where do I stand?

As someone who has approached hundreds of women in my life, both indirect and direct interaction have brought me successes and failures.  In truth, I would expect a lot of these women on the rejection side would have declined my advances irrespective of strategy, therefore the overall assessment is a difficult one to conclude.

Nevertheless, as a man who is far nearer the proactive than reactive scale in comparison to the greater male population, in addition to being a person who can’t stand wasting time or associated investment, I would recommend direct interaction every time.  The rejections will be far greater in number and percentage, but this is, in my view, a small price to pay for having the luxury to move onto the next objective.

Another reason I far favour direct interaction is the knowledge gained that women never stick to something for very long.  So, if you see a woman in the gym for example on a Wednesday morning, there is no guarantee she will be there the following week on the same day and time.

One more reason is knowing how many women use men, especially men like me, as a validation tool and ego massaging instrument.  They will sometimes happily talk to me and exchange numbers, but unless I have made my intentions clear they will often just use me as a purpose for attention.  When I have cornered them, I find they do not go through with the time-wasting exercise – and thus either role on sexually or never respond. 

The best course of life is nearly always derived from the path of least resistance.  Aim to accomplish the most through minimal exertion. 

A Final Thought

You may or may not think this is suitable for you, but a line or two I have used over recent times (after a few seconds of indirect interaction) is as follows:
“You may find this too direct for your liking, but I don’t want to waste your time and I certainly don’t want to waste mine.  The reality is, I find you attractive, and I have done probably since the first or second time I saw you.  It was just a case of then finding the right way and time to tell you.  And it’s not just because you’re hot, although this does help, but you seem like a relatively likeable person too.  But if you feel uncomfortable with me or nervous around me then that’s fine, we can just go our separate ways and I’ll never ask you again, I can assure you of that.  I just think life’s too short for regrets or what ifs.”

There are elements of beta in the above, but this is intentional.  If a confident (and good-looking) man approaches a woman he doesn’t know personally, he must show a level of betaness too.  Without it, the confidence she is attracted to borders on being counterproductive.

Monday, 10 June 2019

Accepting she doesn’t like you

“Getting up earlier won’t make the sun rise any sooner.”

I recall a time in my early twenties when speaking to a woman who was nearly thirty years my senior, and she confided in me regarding her impending decision to leave her husband.  Her husband was ten years older (than her), and although they had been “together” for a decade, they had only lived under the roof and been married for less than a couple of years within this timeframe.   Knowing the woman, the man I reference was nothing more than a validation tool, a source of internal attention on her part, and a release from an existing unhappy first marriage she lived in prior and during the decade or so I document.  She never really loved him, and in truth he was simply a stopgap and stepping stone to something better.

There were a few reasons the woman verbalized to me in terms of her jettison reasoning, some true and some not so true I would expect, but there was one explanation that stood out which was quite direct at her husband’s shortcomings.  I cannot quite remember the exact words or justification. 

When I spoke to the husband shortly after her departure, he was very much heartbroken and searching for rationale.  He asked me to tell him anything she had said that might give him closure, therefore I reluctantly declared the direct words she had informed.  Before I could even catch breath, he totally dismissed this could at all be the reason.  In essence, he didn’t want to accept any deficiency on his part.

There are four main ways a man fails in being any good with women:

·       He often refuses to accept the misdemeanours, lies and manipulations accustomed to the lives of a high percentage of modern-day women, and in particular a woman he is involved with.
·       He disregards any possibility that her lack of interest, or dwindling interest, is a consequence of failures belonging to him that severs his inner pride

·       He holds a mindset she is too good for him.
·       He refuses to believe she simply isn’t interested in him.

Only last week I sat in the gym coffee area to do some work prior to a meeting.  Having performed this same routine for a while now, the young woman who works on front desk (an 8/10 in looks) always made it her business to bring me a coffee and stand to talk for at least twenty minutes.  Over the last few weeks, she had given me embarrassed looks on many occasions.  On at least two instances she went out of her way to inform me she was single.  When I casually asked her last week if she wanted to take some lunch together, there appeared no hesitation whatsoever as she passed over her number.

Hopefully as an advanced writer in the field of female emotional psychology, my text interactions were in accordance with the intuition gained from her personality and general experience acquired from many other women.  As it turns out, her responses over the last seven days have been brief, intermittent and lacking any in true enthusiasm.  Apathetic at best.

I could list a near dozen possible reasons to explain her sudden change from excitement to apathy, but it’s simply not worth dwelling on.  If I had the inclination to ask her, she would just give me a bullshit story.  The facts of the matter are I must accept that she simply isn’t interested in taking things further, pending a huge change of emotion or motivation on her part.  Move onto the next.

And once you rebel against the golden four rules as documented above, over time your mind manifests to bring about lower expectations in women.  Call it water off a duck’s back, if you will.  I’m not going to lie and say I’m not slightly disappointed, because I am.  I’m no stranger to women rejecting me through their perception of my character (hence them not knowing me on a personal level), but this woman had the opportunity to analyse my personality and see there is some brain to go with the brawn.  So, disappointment - yes.  Frustration, surprised and bitterness – no.

Q-tip 1:
If you expect little from women, and in turn start to second guess and predict their likely moves, you will accustom yourself to view them more easily as interchangeable and moveable commodities.  You start to use them in a very much similar way to how they use you.

Q-tip 2:
There is a nuance between a woman not being interested in a man, against a woman not being interested in taking things further with a man.  In the case of the former, a woman is simply not attracted to the man or/and she finds him unappealing.  In the case of the latter, this in fact can often be a scenario where she is very attracted to him and finds him more than appealing, but her lack of confidence, high insecurity, low trust thresholds and big ego forces her mind to forbid in venturing on.

Wednesday, 5 June 2019

The not so body beautiful women go for

  “No purpose, no point.”

As a huge boxing fan, and secondary to this week’s launch of crappy Love Island UK, it came across to me as a worthwhile reminder of the male body women actually go for and choose in a long-term partner.  It is imperative, for any valid analyzation, to distinguish between what women desire in longevity aspects in comparison to what they are sexually turned on by.

On Saturday night, the professional sport of boxing brought about a mind-blowing surprise that resulted in Mexico’s (Mexican/American) Andy Ruiz Jr beating Britain’s Anthony Joshua.  Ruiz consequently, for now at least, became the unified heavyweight champion of the world.  Joshua was more than just a heavyweight champion.  Although not too well-known in America, he had become the highest profile sports star in the United Kingdom, and his wealth and fame illustrates this undeniable consequence. 

What made people scratch their heads even more was down to the polar opposite physical aesthetics and stature of both men.  Even if you do not follow boxing, your eyes cannot hide from the below image.

At the risk of technical explanation, Ruiz in fact could, and probably did, attain better cardiovascular endurance than Joshua on fight night.  Ruiz also has a far more advanced amateur pedigree than Joshua prior to turning professional, and this manifests in a “boxing muscle brain memory” that allows greater decisions to be made when hurt.  In essence, a body beautiful isn’t always the most effective and productive profile to produce in heavyweight boxing.  Ruiz was most likely better prepared fighter for a boxing match.  He just looks like Grimace from McDonalds' because he eats a lot.

Nevertheless, what intrigued me the most about the two extreme sides of physical stature belonging to both men was how the general public looked upon both fighters in the lead up to the big event.  Which body do you think the average men on the street would aspire to have, and which one did they perhaps somewhat laugh at?  Needless to say - Joshua and Ruiz respectively.  In respect to women (who would know not the first thing about boxing) looking on, which man were they salivating over when the top was off, and which one were they repulsed by?  Again, it would obviously be Joshua in the former, and Ruiz in the latter. 

But women aren't logical

As a reminder to the purpose, this previously published post will give more than enough real-life evidence to explain the differences in how women are emotionally moved by a man’s body.  All else equal, most women would rather have sex with a man possessing Joshua’s physique, yet become the long-term partner to a man attaining Ruiz’s figure.  You will find a lot of women claiming that they would choose Joshua when in fact they would opt for Ruiz, mainly to hold down their integrity and score troll points in front of their friends.  As always though, watch what women do rather than listen to what they say. 

But Joshua would have more women after him than Ruiz?

Absolutely he would, but this is only because he is famous and rich.  As I’ve documented on more than a couple of occasions within this blog, male high status and wealth – and the status whoring and easier life as a by-product they bring to a woman’s life - will reluctantly enforce her mind to erase the thought of being with a top end physically attractive man. 

If there’s enough of an incentive to improve her life, a woman will move away from her distastes.  This applies to reluctant venturing on with men who belong to both the grotesque and physically blessed extremes of the male population.

Thursday, 16 May 2019

Men going out solo: the pros and cons

“The amount of company someone attains isn’t necessarily a reflection of popularity.
It is more often a symbol of low-confidence and inhibition.”

Men’s, and women’s, friendships with the same gender fragment in number, solidarity, loyalty and reliability as they get older.  There may be a small percentage of people who claim the opposite, but most honest people will agree with me.  Time is precious to everyone, but over time you simply have less time to dedicate to others outside.  This even includes your loved ones.  You could argue that the diminishment of disposable time as we become older causes us to also be more selfish, and the two factors often go hand in hand.

This isn’t so much a criticism to anyone as much as an observation and acceptance of reality.  I class myself as one of the most loyal and reliable folk out there, but even I would put my hand on heart and confess to becoming far more selfish as each year has passed by, although a large part may be the consequence of being a cancer survivor, in conjunction with possessing less free time due to work commitments and progression.  Pure and simple, a rude awakening forces a person to be more selfish and evaluate who actually gives a crap about you and who wouldn’t piss on you if on fire when they walked past.  When the evaluation has been actioned, you distribute your time out accordingly. 

Only the other night, a few of us had arranged to go out for few drinks and catch up.  We only tend to do this every couple of months at best.  I’d informed all the other men of this date at least six weeks prior, and they all agreed it was a firm arrangement.  Two weeks prior to the night, I texted a reminder.  One of them backed out as he had to babysit his little boy (not sure what his fat ass wife was doing, but that’s another story).  No problem I thought, although it did make me wonder when he would have informed me had I not prompted.  A day before the night, another one started to have reservations, and he never text me one way or the other the next day.  The final man, on the morning of the event day, claimed he had a dodgy tummy and couldn’t make it.  Maybe he was telling the truth, although I know for a fact all was fine the day before when he ventured on an eight-hour walk. 

At the risk of contradicting myself, it is a fair argument that we are just as selfish when in our peak lifespan of going out – between 18 to 21.  As a younger mind is more self-centred in terms of thinking the world will accommodate our needs and all else is irrelevant, there will be many young people letting others down without an ounce of remorse.  The difference is at that age the social group is much larger, and one or two dropping out has little, or less, consequence on your overall arrangement.  The show goes on, with just a couple less faces to see.

Fast forward five or ten years, and a couple of people dropping out on short notice is pretty much wiping out your plan.  When it happens on an isolated occasion you can cut your losses and put it down to one of those things, but when it gets to the stage when you are half expecting the same old excuses, you start to wonder what’s the point. 

The decision to go out alone

Whether through travelling or working away, I’ve probably gone to bars and restaurants alone hundreds of times.  Whilst I totally commend anyone who cares little for no company in these scenarios, for the purpose of this post I’m discounting both.  This disregarding is only because, to the wider audience, contemplating going out alone to bars and clubs in someone’s local town or city is far more relevant.

Although I’m a person who cares next to nothing about what people think of me, or little about the consequences life throws at me, I still have never gone out alone in my home city of Derby.  I’m a great believer that when taking risks, the reward needs to outweigh the possible results, and as I will allude to below, too many people know me in Derby.  For this reason, last year I went out in the neighbouring city of Nottingham (which is a more vibrant city and has a considerably greater number and percentage of physically attractive women).

This didn’t come without consideration baggage too.  Although not close to the magnitude of Derby, I gradually over the years started to know more people in Nottingham.  I have been involved with more than a few women on a casual basis who live in the city or surrounding area.  But in view of the above explanation with regards to unreliable male friends, it came to a point of natural progression to venture out solo in primary objectives to meet sought after and quality women. 

All this came with mixed fortunes.  I extend on this below:

Advantages 1: You write your own script

One of the big advantages is, in attempt to meet women who strike your eye, you are the master of your own destiny.  When in male groups, some of the others may desire to go to bars you know class women do not locate.  When in a bar, one man may feel more at ease standing nearer more attainable (hence uglier) women than hot female counterparts.  When going out alone, you go and stand where you like.  This saves valuable time and money on wasted locations.

Advantage 2: Leave a venue straight away

As any astute man will tell you, a social or working venue that has a high ratio of men to women is a complete waste of time.  Any half-decent woman receiving attention from desperate men will think she is a level or two above what the mirror tells us.  This makes it twice as hard to gain positive receptiveness from her in comparison to an evenly matched ratio.  When out alone, unlike in a group where the usual decision is to stay on for a drink, you can instantly leave the place.

Advantage 3: Low calibre male friends not being there

Don’t get me wrong, a large part of going out is to catch up with mates and have a laugh.  Nevertheless, any honest man will also concede that, and especially if single, he will be on the lookout for suitable one-night stands, short term flings, or a potential girlfriend.  In the sheer law of averages in life, the reality is a high percentage of your friends will not be confident around women, have very little ability to navigate a conversation around women, and have poor body language and demeanour to suit.  This can, on more than a few occasions, detract rather than attract women.  When alone, you don’t have the hassle of carrying them.  Similarly, if you are on the hunt for a one-nighter yet your friends look and dress older than you, women can’t predict your age as accurately. 

Advantage 4: Portrayed Confidence / Mystique

Women are uncontrollably drawn towards an air of confidence a man can portray.  They are also ignited to a level of mystique – trying to work out what he is about.  A lonesome man standing in a bar, not acting in a timid or shameful way, gives off both offerings.  It’s strange because like me back then, I’d expect there are many late teenage and early 20’s men who think women are attracted to men who hang around in large numbered male groups.  The problem is, this is basically a man who is acting like a woman – with the “safety in numbers” mentality.  It is never a bad time to remind yourself that what a woman feels comfortable in acting out herself, she is unattracted to a man replicating it in the gender opposing way.

Disadvantage 1: Women’s interpreting you are a loner

We live in a world where women require social proof more than ever before, and without the luxury to explain reasons to your sole outing, a decent percentage of women will automatically interpret a man standing alone as a loner.  Such is the female mind that is petrified of any negative the world sees upon her, many women will not entertain getting to know a man who she thinks has no friends.  It’s important to have a good reason ahead of you regarding being alone, no matter how objective or economical to the truth it may be.

Disadvantage 2: Unable to exploit charisma easily

Irrespective to the level of your extroverted or introverted male friends, the big positive in being with male company is the luxury to exploit strong body language, verbal confidence, and listening skills. When a woman is analysing a man interacting with his male buddy, effectively she is weighing up how he would interact with her.  When alone, naturally this is not possible.  Even if you pick up conversation with an unknown group, the level you can positively expose your character is limited due to not having the common ground or talking topics.

Disadvantage 3: Women construing you as a poor socializer

As an add on to 1), once more many women will have concerns you are not someone who has high tolerance with others.  They may think you are a social loser at worst, or someone who falls out easily with others at best.  Again, women are always assessing a man on far more than his looks, and the thought he may be someone who can’t get on with her friends and family may enforce her to dismiss any of your advances.

Disadvantage 4: Assumption you are an extreme player

Some women love players, and they will go out of their way to be with men who they perceive to be this way.  At the end of the day, what sought after woman doesn’t desire to be with a man who is experienced with the female population?  However, and if you are a very good-looking man, if alone, many women will automatically tar you into a bracket of a man who is just out to get laid.  In the world of big female egos, a large percentage of women will dismiss this man in favour of a safer, even if more boring, male suitor. 

A Final Thought

One thing I have learned, and this may or may not apply to other men, is that it is harder for me to motivate myself to get ready and go out when knowing I’m flying solo.  Although I’m totally adversarial to the follower mentality, I guess I do like immediate company, usually in smaller groups, to warm me up.  If I haven’t got this enthusiasm in the first place, I find it hard to gather up momentum as the minutes tick by.  This is all more relevant in colder months.

Nevertheless, this has to be balanced out with the inevitable unreliability of male friends, therefore I’m a firm believer in back up plans.  With all this in mind, I’d conclude as saying going out alone can and does work to your advantage when in the right frame of mind, yet it works against you when feeling half-hearted.  Likewise, going out with company is a safer bet with greater margins.  So in essence, going out alone is high reward versus high risk.

Sometimes you can feel like the world is watching you when venturing out alone.  You need to accept you may be the only person in the room doing so.  Over time and experience though, this feeling isn’t so irritable or conscious, especially if you can manifest a mind of outcome independence and not giving a shit what people generally think of you.  The harder task is eliminating your inner thoughts of what women are thinking about you in absence of any company.

Thursday, 9 May 2019

Women have more non-friends than men

“If you were a man, I’d punch you in the face.”
“If you were a man, you would.”

I remember being 18 years of age and venturing onto my first “lads” holiday.  There were over ten of us that summer who thought we would take on the world, and for a couple more years the group sizes increased.  By the time I reached 22 it dwindled to a group less than half the size of the first vacation.  The following year only three of us signed up.

This process of events won’t be uncommon for many men.  You can’t keep doing this for ever, and nor should you.  Life is about experiences and trying out different things, after all.  Nevertheless, the above explanation symbolizes more than just the natural course of a man’s social life in numbers terms.  The dwindling of numbers is more representative to how most men have an innate mindset to change once they meet a woman at a young age, and the decisions they act upon on the back of this. 

It’s important to note that when I was 18, the whole Instagram and social media whoring – far more accustomed to women of today’s generation than men - had not taken off.  The ratio of men to women at these tacky holiday resorts, or local town/city nights out generally, was at least two to one.  This ratio enlarged for every hour that passed as the night progressed - women leave the scene, men stay on in hope to get laid.   The groups of men tended to be of at least six in quantity as an average, and to the naked eye the likewise female group would be no more than four. 

Although I can’t comment today with regards to the overseas group holiday locations (I haven’t taken part on one for many years), things have changed drastically based on my firm observations when on a UK city night out.  Whilst the ratio of men to women is still as a minimum two to one, the male groups are considerably smaller in number than the female groups.  The easy assumption is to think women have more friends than men in today’s world, but the more accurate explanation is that women, with their “safety in numbers” and social proof (“look how popular I am” belief) mentality to assist them, have more acquaintances. 

Q-Tip 1:
Don’t be fooled by social gatherings and Facebook “friend” quantities.  The reality is that men have more solid friends but fewer acquaintances, and women have many more acquaintances but fewer close friends. 

As an add on to the above, it is a fair but unproven assumption that men’s friends are more loyal and genuine, whilst women’s friends are based from a greater convenience and social validation perspective.  Taken further, a man’s friend has his back, yet a woman’s friend would stab her in the back if it meant progressing her (the stabber’s) life for the better.

You only need to look at a pretty girl’s social media page against a man of equivalent physical attractiveness.  I know of many upper end cute and lower end hot women who have a thousand plus “friends” or followers, yet the equivalent man in gender relative terms will attain not even close to this number.  There are four main reasons:

·       Women have a far greater inner need for social proof and to believe they are popular; therefore, a huge percentage of women will be connected to female counterparts they barely know, are indifferent towards, or even dislike.
·       Men have a far lesser need for social proof and to believe they are popular (although being popular with well-known people will attract the opposite sex), and they are not as proactive in screening for other male “friends”.  
·       Men, especially at a younger age, will actively strive in being connected to pretty girls.  There is no other explanation than their hope and aspiration, no matter how small the likelihood, that this will lead to intimacy with the girl.
·       Women, especially at a younger age (when their prides and egos are at the highest point), will not actively strive to be connected with other men.  Many women will even decline social media propositions from a man if she thinks he is not up to her street cred, and many pretty women will reject social media friend requests from hot guys they are not familiar with (as they don’t want their profile spotlight taken away from them by aesthetically gifted men).

Side note to above:
Social media has strongly contributed to the rise of female insecurity and self-consciousness.  This is rivalled only by celebrity magazines and some Reality TV shows (or any source that shows inundated photographs/images of very attractive women).  The more a woman looks at herself, the more doubts she has.  The more a woman sees visions of other pretty women (whether famous or not), the greater her inhibition of her own beauty.  Unfortunately, this increase in women viewing other hot women has not decreased female egos and expectations in the slightest way.  Quite the contrary.   

Men leaving groups

Perhaps as relevant as the ugly consequence of social media producing an attention-seeking woman far in excess of previous generations is the comprehension towards how heterosexual relationships impact on individual decision making.  During the prime physical attractiveness timeframe for most men and women between 18 to 30, a female existence will be far more sought after by men than a male existence will be sought after by women – on a vast majority basis.  This is primarily due to women in this age bracket generally being far easier on the eye and sexually desired by men than the inverse.  This circumstance manifests in men striving harder to locate a woman he desires to be his girlfriend, and once there, and with the inevitability he is “punching above his weight” in physical looks, he will (wrongly) put more far into the relationship in endeavour, financial, compromise and sacrificial terms than she will.  Many a man even wants to do this, such is his lack of success with women on nights out and in the dating market as a whole.

What this means, at least in the early stages (and often the early years if they stay together indefinitely) of the relationship, is the man will be far more grateful to be with his girlfriend than her gratitude (or lack of) to be with him.  He will often think he has scored the star raffle prize, especially if she is hotter than his usual accustomed history.  Any organized male night out won’t be a big motivation, and he will likely, and happily, make up excuses to not partake in. 

Women staying in the group

On the other hand, if the woman does not feel at all grateful to be with her boyfriend, and the decision and motives to be with him are based on his expenditure, her required self-validation that a man loves her, him giving her an ego boost due to his comparative lesser physical attractiveness, and using him as a stop-gap concurrent to her other friends all being in relationships, you will find many women staying on in the female group nights out.  She will always be on the lookout for someone better, to the point when she accepts he is the best she can do and the one who can give her a passport to the life another more sought after man will not offer her. 

Q-Tip 2:
Most women aren’t happy, or necessarily unhappy, with the man they are with. What they are is mildly content.  It is simply a case of selling her chips when she believes the roulette won’t spin favourably again.