Monday, 8 February 2021

Women’s life strategy pregnancies

“If life is a lottery, how many of us buy a winning ticket?”

  

About a year ago, I saw a young man who looked no older than 21 walk into the semi-detached house opposite to me on the cul-de-sac where I live.  Since I’ve been living here, I’ve lost count of how many different residents have come and gone in that particular house, therefore it is obviously rented accommodation. 

As the weeks passed by, I then saw a woman who looked a few years older than him walk into the same house.  She was carrying a baby.  I haven’t had a conversation with any of them, however my next-door neighbour works with the young man at a nearby car manufacturing company. 

As further weeks passed, now well into the COVID-19 pandemic and associated restrictions, I saw another woman pull up and knock on their door.  She also was carrying a baby.  It wouldn’t surprise me if the woman who pulled up was my neighbour’s (the female neighbour) sister, but it could just as easily be her friend.

Did he want to be a Dad?

Call me cynical, but I find it hard to believe that a man barely in his twenties, earning likely well below average wages and still in his theoretical liberated days, would have chosen to be a father at this stage in his life.  Call me further cynical, but I also find it incredibly coincidental that two women, either sisters or close friends, just so happen to get pregnant at the same time and have babies of remarkably similar age. 

This all begs the question to how many pregnancies are an example of when the man is on board.  I have never been a father - most likely through a combination of destiny, circumstance, being astute minded, and some admitted lucky escapes (the one not so lucky escape some years ago was my own fault, as she had made me fully aware of her contraceptive situation) – but if I was in that position I would like to think, perhaps being too optimistic in this day and age, that this conversation could take place:

Her: “Darling, you need to know that I’m not on the pill, or I’m thinking of going off the pill because it causes me bad side effects I don’t want to have any longer.  So, you need to either wear condoms or we take the risk of what could happen.” 

Me: Okay sweetheart, at least I know, and we can make that decision together.  Basically, we’re not close to being ready to be parents together, so I’ll wrap up for now.  If we do ever drop our guard and the worst happens, we then have nobody to blame but ourselves.” 

Pie in the sky?  Too much to ask in modern society?  All I will say is that I have been lucky to an extent that most girlfriends I have dated for over a month (I took it upon myself to wear condoms before this timescale) have been honest with me and told me they were on the pill, or otherwise.  I think this has more to do with the fact these women, by and large, were very much characteristic “girl’s girls” – hence more interested in their own life, career and/or self-importance to contemplate the hassles of motherhood. 

Coincidence or what?

Take a look at this video I caught on the news last week.  

It defies belief that on one street a range of apparently similar aged women all fall pregnant around the same time.  One of them alludes to the pregnancy coincidences being due to a lack of social offerings during lockdown therefore people are having more sexual intercourse with more time on their hands.  I think that is a convenient (but believable to the masses) reason which is used to cloud over the real reason.  The real reason, in my view, is because women use it as an excuse to have a child when they want to have one.  When they see other friends, and foes nearby, getting pregnant, they don’t desire to be left out.

You’ll see three male partners out of the six women referenced in the video.  I could have closed my eyes, and ears, and these men would have looked and sounded just as I expected them to.  Feminine, weakly spoken, lapdog characteristics, and basically the secondary importance within the relationship.  Goodness gracious, where have the real men gone…?

Unplanned pregnancy percentages

There are a few conflicting sources online that would lead you scratching your head to what the accurate percentage of planned or unplanned pregnancies result in.  This article will be one of the more truthful out there, illustrating a 45 percent of total pregnancies in the United States each year being unintended.  In any case, the statistics are only as good as the truth behind the words of the people declaring this information.  It doesn’t take a genius to fathom that there are many women, and men, out there claiming a pregnancy was planned when deep down they know it was not.  I guess it is a pride thing at the end of the day.

The article would leave an innocent reader to think that the contraceptive pill and condoms are a terrible source of birth control.  I’m no medical expert at all, but in all the time I have relied on women telling me they were on the pill and using it properly and responsibly, in addition to the other times I used condoms, if these contraceptive offerings were so ineffective then why aren’t I paying child custody for a small soccer team?  You may say I’m firing blanks?  My answer to that would be, at least prior to chemotherapy, I attained a fully normal sperm count as tests proved.  So, were all these women infertile?  Highly unlikely.

The true reason

The truth of “unplanned” pregnancies, if we are willing to face up to it, is one of three reasons in the main:

1)    Women are not on the pill when they tell their male partners they are.  The likelihood is she wants to get pregnant.

2)    Women skip the pill, or are strategically irresponsible, to coincide with a lack of barrier during their most fertile days.  She consciously wants to get pregnant.

3)    Women avoid having an in-depth conversation at all with their male partners about whether she is on the pill or not.  The likely scenario is she, whilst not being totally in conviction, thinks having a child will be a good change in her life pattern.

A final thought

As I documented in this post a few years ago, there are tell-tale signs to detect women who will contrive a pregnancy to suit their life.  You can never be totally sure even if you are a smart man, however with a bit of good screening you can place better odds in your favour in what to do.

I stress you can never be totally sure, because although I would humbly rate myself as a smarter man than most in this respect, I’m the first to admit that if a woman tells me she is on the pill, I usually trust her words and hope she acts with integrity.  I guess the dice is rolled on my part if she has future motives and plans that aren’t on the same path as mine.

And I don’t desire to be a total hypocrite.  I’ve said a number of times to people that I shouldn’t be here.  My mother and father should have known by then they weren’t right for each other, and in turn not conceived me.  My older brother I can accept, but not me.  So, it’s more than a chance that I was not planned by both parties.

Q-tip:

The societal birth rate requires both genders to produce, but only one has full control.

 

Acknowledgements and References

Youtube.com

BBC News

The Washington Post

Tuesday, 2 February 2021

Are uglier women more open to good-looking men?

 

“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

  

A loyal, dedicated and inquisitive reader asks for my thoughts on the previous post.


I am surprised the 16-23 bracket isn't higher for woman 1. I would have expected 60-70%. But looking back on my personal experience the most obvious signs were/are from women in their 30s.

I had a few questions for you somewhat related to this topic.

I notice generally, older/uglier/heavier women seem more likely to appreciate a man's physical looks (or at least be more vocal about it) than highly attractive or even above average looking women.
Is it because of

a) Do older/uglier/ heavier women have less to lose and more to gain by catching the guy than the attractive girl so they can "swing for the fences"? Ala your post about an ugly girl with 50/1 odds as opposed to an attractive girl with 2/1 odds betting on the horse.

b) Because the older/uglier/women have had less butt kissing from men throughout their lives they have less of an ego and are more secure (relatively speaking) compared to the attractive women?

c) It's a massive ego boost to the older/uglier/heavier woman to land a good looking guy, so they will work to reel him in and make it very easy for him?

d) They truly value male physical looks more than the attractive woman?

Your post was very thought provoking and really made me sit down and think. If you listen to all these red pill/black pill pundits, and take what they say as fact, you'd assume the girls in the age bracket 16-23, 90% - 95% would be woman 1 and clearly that is not the case.

 

My response: 

Your comments sum up it up admirably.  I will add in accordance:

a)    In essence, you are right.  An older/uglier/heavier woman will not receive the feeling of emotional rejection any better than a hotter woman, but on a bang for buck basis she will have more to gain (due to a greater leverage of self-importance) and less to lose (as she will have pretty much assumed she has no hope anyway) in being declined by a good-looking man.

b)    Correct.  Whilst I wouldn’t say the older/uglier/heavier woman is any more secure of herself in significant terms, the fact she hasn’t experienced the plaudits from female friends or male lapdog friends/boyfriends to illustrate her beauty, her ego isn’t as large, and her pride isn’t as fragile.

c)     A cute or hot woman possesses her own validation and self-importance from knowledge of her own high scale physical looks.  She does not need a good-looking man in her hand to verify this.  An older/uglier/heavier woman, needless to say, has no such validation luxury.  With this in mind, you find the less attractive women being more proactive, forthcoming and sexually easier than better looking women.

d)    It’s important to emphasise that a cute or hot woman will value the sexual arousal and heart-racing feelings a top end physically attractive man will give her every bit as much as the lesser looking women you reference.  I would go as far to say that said cute or, and especially, hot woman even values it more, such is the fact she can sniff closer reality to experiencing it for herself.  Nevertheless, as explained in c), the distinction is the zealous approach a lesser looking woman will take in comparison to the better-looking woman. 

Now on to your first paragraph – in relation to women aged 16-23.  At the most, I could be stretched to a 50/50 split (bear in mind I documented in the post as 40% will act out as Woman 1), but no more than this.  The fact I analysed from the female age of 16 also has a pronounced impact.  At the female age of 16 to 18, the highest prioritised male metric is social status (even more so than from 19 to 21), but at that male age a young man’s physical looks portrays predominance as his social status anyway.  Exceptions could be an ugly or mediocre looking male DJ, bartender, or similar local profile role.  So ultimately a majority of 16 to 18 year old women will happily, and often eagerly, seek out the best-looking men.

Next, moving on to your comment about the pundits.  All I will say is, in respect to 16 to 23 year old women, two things:

1)    If there are 90%-95% of women in this age range who place ultimate priority on their sexual and heart racing requirements, I would love to live in this world.  I most certainly don’t see it as the case.  I would have loved to live in this world during my University days if so.  Nevertheless, granted women at this age do place a greater need for blessed male aesthetic value.  It just isn’t near to the percentages these pundits claim it is.

2)    These pundits must judge male physical attractiveness levels far more generously and compassionately than I do.  I can only assume that what they see as an above-average looking man (7/10 to 7.75/10) to me is a good-looking man to them.  If this is the case, then yes, you could argue the hottest women want to be with these men.  But to me, these men are above-average only.  This is why you see most 8/10 to 8.5/10 women with 7/10 to 7.75/10 men.  And more than a few women opt to go below 7/10 too, which only further exemplifies Woman 2 as described. 

Q-tip:

Honesty and objectivity do not derive from wishful thinking.  They are the product of facing up to the truth and reality, and the opening of your eyes to what the world is really like.

A final thought

It should be pointed out, and for the purpose of not being misguided, that it is still only a small minority of older/uglier/heavier women who are more open, and often proactive, to the path towards the best looking men.  Don't think there are hoards of these women going out their way to strike gold with the hottest men for the reasons as explained above.  Most still won't, it's just that in percentage terms there will be more older/fatter/heavier women taking on this role than cute and hot women.

In fact, and I most certainly go from first hand experience, some of the most acrimonious, hostile, and sometimes physically aggressive (barging past me for no reason with robust contact) demeanour has come from the compartment of older/uglier/heavier women.  I knew none of these women.  I can only assume that I put their nose out of joint due to the inferiority complex placed on them, in addition to their perception of me being a playboy or golden balls who has everything he wants.

So whilst a hot guy can make a cute or hot woman feel less important about herself, he most definitely also manifests negative emotions onto the less attractive women too.  It's just a different kind of negative emotion produced.

Tuesday, 19 January 2021

Women’s conundrum: To love thy man or to love thy self?

 

“Let the things you love be an escape.”

  

It is a topic that even I don’t go many days without asking myself.  The topic is both, one could argue, simplistic and complex to analyse in equal measures.  

Is the bigger priority for a woman to be passionately into the man she is with and place priority on the way she feels about him, or is the greater motivation to be with a man who makes her feel better about herself?  Of course, I know the answer in majority cases, but it is always worth exploring further. 

Rarely can a man, no matter who he is, satisfy both elements.  This previous post, in my humble opinion, did a reasonable attempt to illustrate how women will prioritize when choosing their male partners.   

First, allow me to distinguish between the two:

1)    The woman led by her heart

A woman led by her heart is a woman who chooses a man based on her sexual inclinations and who makes her heart beat faster in the thought of seeing him.  Her ego, trust, insecurity and self-conscious issues are put to one side in preference for the passion, positive emotions and feeling alive internal feedback loop that he brings to her existence. 

These men will nearly always belong to the high spectrum of male physical attractiveness.  Nevertheless, this doesn’t always mean that the man is as or more physically attractive than said woman.  For example, an 8.5/10 woman could feel this way with an 8/10 man (although you will rarely see an 8.5/10 woman with an 8/10 man).

As much as movies and TV programmes can stray from reality, the one consistent truth they do come up with is the way they are written to emphasize how a woman deep down desires the man who captures her heart and makes her feel alive.  What movies do not do, very well or often, is finalize how woman essentially choose a man based on other emotions.

It is important to clarify that these women, in general terms, make up a maximum 20% of the female population.

2)    The woman led by her ego

A woman led by her ego is effectively the polar opposite of woman 1.  Her bigger motives are to satisfy her ego and self-importance.  She tries to cloud over her low confidence, high insecurity and high self-consciousness by being with lower sought-after men than she could actually be with.  In essence, her objective is to feel better about herself over and above the passion and sexual thoughts she attains which are projected onto other men who arouse her more.

The men she finds herself with (granted, some women will occasionally have one spell acting as woman 1 just to almost convince herself she isn’t as weak as she knows she is) will be lesser looking than her.  The greater the physical attractiveness disparity between the two, the more she epitomizes being this woman. 

On a large percentage basis, this man isn’t only isolated in being less physically attractive than her.  She will often pick out a man, in conjunction with his lesser looks, who is also not breaking any barriers in terms of profession, social status or confidence/attitude.  Why?  This is because she needs a man to idolize her, kiss her rosy ass, and worship the ground she walks on.  A man who has less to offer women – both in visual and non-visual terms – is far more likely to perform this lapdog male delivery.

Of course, women aren’t aroused by these men – either in physical or other male offering capacity – because deep down in their honest and natural veins, a woman craves to be with a man who other women find extremely attractive and appealing.  In her innate make-up, she wants to fight amongst other women and, in the end, be the one who captures him.  

Unfortunately, this woman goes against her natural and inborn passions to ultimately replace it with feeling better about herself.  At best, she can be content.  At worst and usually, she will resent him over time and find a way to leave him should a better opportunity come along.

These women represent at least 80% of the female population.

Caveats to above

There are always exceptions to the rule, and in this case, there are worthwhile caveats or nuances to explain.

·       Women between the age of 16 to 23 will exist in larger percentage terms (I’d estimate a +20% to woman 1 as shown above, therefore the majority still belong to woman 2) to woman 1 compartment.  This is because women at a younger age place greater emphasis on male hotness, and at that age male hotness acts as a more magnified degree of high male social status than it does in relation to when women (and men) get older.

·       Women between the age of 24 to 32 most reflect the lower range percentage illustrations given above – therefore 10% being woman 1, and 90% being woman 2.  Women between these ages are the most likely in holding predilections to be with man who is less physically attractive than her, although it is only fair to say that at between this age bracket women are also at their highest in respect to their demands and expectations from men (hence mainly what he can provide for her on a monetary and assets basis).

·       Women post 32, in particular divorcees or/and women who have become bored performing the role as woman 2, will belong to woman 1 status in a greater percentage level than her former self aged between 24 and 32.  For one, women’s egos and expectations have usually hit some form of reality at this age, and they aren’t seeking out the uglier man who has can provide her with the big house and car etc.  Second, women have become so bored in being with a man who doesn’t (and most likely never did) turn her heart and sexual impulses on that she now, even if only for a short timeframe, wants a bit of rough and ready who makes her feel like living once more.  Third, as many of these women will have already experienced the wedding day and motherhood, they have less to lose by being unfaithful and not following their hearts.  With all this in mind, women post 32 can pretty much be split 50/50. 

A final thought

It is important to point out that most women have no choice but to carry out being woman 2, irrespective of what her choice is, because most women aren’t physically attractive enough to attract the low percentage (<10%) of men who can perform the role that satisfies woman.  Nevertheless, there are still at least 50 times as many women who could attract these men than men who exist (in other words, there are >5 times more hot women and >50 times more cute women than every one of these men), but this isn’t common to women who take this opportunity.  In numbers terms, if there are 5 hot woman and 50 cute women for every one man who flutters their heart, there may only be 5 (out of the 55) women who are willing to put their heart ahead of their ego.

On this basis, it equates to twice as many of these men on the market than hot women who would be prepared to give said hot man a chance.  Most of these hot women – even if willing – will already have boyfriends they will stay loyal to.  This goes a long way to explain why you rarely see a hot man walking hand in hand with a hot woman.

Furthermore, it exemplifies why most of the best-looking men are either (mainly) single or (less so) with cute women as opposed to hot women.

Q-tip:

A woman’s ego and heart/sexual impulses act as an opposing force in a simultaneous life.  When one is satisfied, the other is left in disappointment.  More often than not, the heart is the item left disappointed. 

 

Wednesday, 13 January 2021

Women’s loyalty levels

 

“Some people aren’t loyal to you, they are loyal to their need of you. 

Once their needs change, so does their loyalty.”

  

I’m sure we all have our stories on this particular topic.  I have a more than a few I could example, but one particular scenario stands out more than any other.

The background

Throughout my peak social outing life during my late teens to early twenties, I belonged to a circle of approximately fifteen male friends who would regularly meet up at least a couple of times a week.  It wasn’t always the fifteen at once of course, as girlfriends or sexual opportunities came and went for most of us.

Even when most of us went our separate ways around the country for University studies, a good number of us would still come back to Derby for big events – mainly being the 21st birthday celebrations.  After all, you are only 21 once.  It is only fair to say however that, just like women, men also differ to a good degree in their loyalty and dedication to male friendship.

The unlucky friend

One of the men didn’t have a bundle of luck or experience with women by the time his 20th birthday came along.  He was neither the best looking nor the ugliest, and he had a decent amount of personality in relativity for that age, but he did seem to lack an understanding and courage to interact with women generally.

Nevertheless, about a year before his 21st birthday he did meet a woman who seemed to like him a lot.  She wasn’t the best looking at all, in fact she was fact less physically attractive than him in gender relative terms.  With all that said, he seemed happy that someone had finally took to him.

We didn’t see him as much during the year that led up to his 21st birthday, as his girlfriend was diagnosed with a serious but recoverable cancer illness.  A lot of his time, naturally, was taken up in seeing her and supporting her rehabilitation.  I was on the same course as him at University, and he barely turned up to a seminar or lecture during that time.  A few of us had heard that her appreciation of his support was limited at best, but as someone who has gone through rigorous chemotherapy treatment too, I can in retrospect relate to how your mind plays tricks with you in not acting your true self.

He did manage to get out for his 21st birthday though.  He was a big drinker, and no matter how many drinks he consumed, it appeared he was just not getting drunk.  However, about 1am he went missing from the nightclub.  We all just thought he had made a sly exit in not desiring to be away from his girlfriend for too long.

As we left the nightclub and made our way to the curry house, from a distance we could see someone trying to hold himself up by a telephone box.  As we walked closer, we realized it was him.  He was totally smashed!  About five minutes later his girlfriend turned up in a car with her mum, and she went crazy in calling him shameful, disgraceful and embarrassing, with a few obscenities thrown in there just for good measure.

From memory, her treatment finished a couple of months after that night.  I remember him telling some of us how she had changed as a person, and that she barely wanted to see him in spite of all is efforts and love towards her.  Not long after her full recovery and path back to a normal life, she finished with him.

Women’s lack of loyalty

A first hand anecdote that I will share came in the form of an ex-girlfriend who told me her ex-boyfriend had cheated on her.  During her heartbreak, she also added that her best friend was nowhere to be seen in her time of need – in being wrapped up in her own life and new boyfriend – so she needed to confide in her sister-in-law as the main support network. 

Her sister-in-law was much different in character and look to my then girlfriend and her best friend.  Whilst my then girlfriend and her best friend were very much girl’s girls who liked to go out a lot, do themselves up, and spend money on materialistic things, her sister-in-law was much more of a homely girl (she got married in her early twenties) and, whilst not unattractive, had far more motivation to please her husband than to stroke her own ego.

Nevertheless, as time passed and my then girlfriend got back in touch with her best friend after a year of none speaking or contact terms, her need for her sister-in-law became less and her motive to build back bridges with her best friend increased.  Not coincidentally, pretty much every time I went round to see her, she was on the phone to her best friend, laughing and joking but sometimes also trying to make out the conversation needed to be in private.

Q-tip 1:

A woman will try to put thoughts in her boyfriend’s head that other men are interested in her, and many women will also go a step further to try and convince her boyfriend she is playing away (and of course then denying such accusations).  This is simply all part of a woman’s uncontrollable mechanism to send herself to the moon in attempts to raise her self-importance, popularity and perceived sought after level.  More often than not, this act is fiction rather than reality. 

As the boyfriend, treat this as a win-win situation.  If she is trying to get you jealous through fictitious hints, then it is only because she is fully into you and knows your value to other women.  If she is (on rarer occasions) genuinely looking for extrapair fornications, she has just given you a free passport to do the same with other women.

So in respect to my then girlfriend, the message is clear.  Her loyalty held no substance or relevance to who was there to support her in her time of need, and it was only down to convenience and timing.  Once her sister-in-law had served her duty and purpose, she went happily running back to the disloyal, unsupportive and self-centred best friend.

Q-tip 2:

Women don’t base their life on loyalty, they base their life on opportunity, self-agenda and what benefits them at the time.  Loyalty plays very little part in any woman’s psychological and consideration make-up. 

A final thought

If you are a man currently in a steady relationship where you genuinely believe your female partner appreciates all you do for her, I advise you to tread carefully and always expect the unexpected.  If you are a man who can relate to the above in your recent or not so recent relationship history, what I have written will likely come as no surprise.

Women are born to seize opportunism, chance, maximum benefit, and survival tactics.  When you have been dumped and heartbroken by her despite all your efforts to make her happy and be the best man you can be towards her, sometimes even in replacement for an objectively lower quality man, a lack of experience with women can leave you with a head even achier than your heart.  If you don’t understand women, the hurt is twice as hard.

When you do understand women, you can almost second guess what they are going to do based on an array of past experience.  You simply just move onto the next one, in most likely expecting something not dissimilar once more.  The trend isn’t so much cyclical, as much as constant and consistent.

And every now and again you may just meet a woman who is honest, genuine, loyal and faithful rolled into one.  It isn’t that these women don’t exist, it is just that they exist in far, far smaller numbers than what was never in abundant numbers in the past in any case.

Bonne chance….

Monday, 14 December 2020

How to hurt less from women’s games

 

“When you’re a kid, all you want to do is play.  When you’re an adolescent, the wrong games you play can be forgiven.  When you’re an adult, surely those games have become old?” 

 

In an ideal world, a man will meet a woman he likes who is so genuine, honest, moral and mentally mature that there will be no need to understand what goes through her mind and why she acts the way she acts.  Unfortunately, the world is not ideal.

There won’t be an honest man in the western world who has not been hurt by a woman.  If, by the smallest chance there is, it will only be because he has set his standards so low in terms of sought-after women that he cannot be hurt such is the apathy he attained from the start.  So to reiterate, >99% of men will have been emotionally hurt by a woman or women in some way, shape or form.

The usual scenario 

The most common form of a woman hurting a man is actually prior to them becoming too heavily involved.  I find, from both personal experience and general knowledge, that once a woman has slept with a man, she has invested in him to a point where she either loves him or is falling in love with him.  I predict that in nine cases out of ten, a woman has already fallen in love with a man when she has decided to sleep with him.  Even if a woman entertains a one-night stand with a man, there will still be a significant amount of emotional investment placed on her part.

Therefore, the usual situation where a woman hurts a man is when they are in the early stages of dating.  This can be weeks or months – depending on how na├»ve and forgiving a man is before he kicks her into touch due to her lack of interest – but it is an easy mistake to make when you are younger.  The reason this is a very forgivable mistake for a man to make is because, absence of experience with many women, all the signs in the early stages are bright.  It appears she has shown interest, she texts back in nice fashion, she accepts his invitations of dates, and all appears rosy in the garden.

The problem is women are far different to men in the way they think during the early days and weeks.  As stated before, a man only needs to find a woman physically attractive and (and sometimes not) enjoyable company in order to progress and try to move things on.  A woman, on the other hand, will have based her early interest on differing emotions such as the enjoyment and validation of attention she receives from him.  Quite often, the woman in this dynamic will hold no intention whatsoever to become seriously involved with him.

Caveat to above:

The higher you go up the female physical attractiveness ladder, the more likely and common the explanation above runs true.  The lower you go down the female physical attractiveness ladder, the more common it is for said woman to not play this game, and in fact she may border on being too keen. 

Ultimately, the more options a woman attains and the more attention she receives from men (whether directly or indirectly), the more prominent she is to play silly games that emotionally moves a man in a negative mental state. 

Q-tip 1:

Kind of obvious to say but important to clarify, the better looking a woman is, the more likely she is to play games.

Blowing hot and cold

The irony is that, from my experience once more, women can become cold on the back of their, so to speak, hottest moment.  For example, she may have been moderate in her enthusiasm throughout the early exchanges, and then she blasts you with words that would seemingly radiate the most interest she has shown from the start.  It’s an easy mistake for a man to think it is all a clear runway from here on in, but then poof, it can be followed by a spell of total disinterest from her.

Here are just a few signs any smart man will pick up on when her interest starts to waver:

·       Cold spell after a hot sign (as explained above)

·       Disappearing acts for days

·       Sex withdrawal (should you be at that stage)

·       Silence when together

·       Cryptic comments

·       Claiming (hence lying) she is so busy that she forgot to contact

·       Crying for no reason during conversation

·       Frequent moodiness when with you

·       Blaming things on you for not understanding or not knowing what is wrong

·       Broadcasting the accolades of her friend’s boyfriends

·       Signs that she is listening to her female (and some lapdog male) advice over your view

·       Spending less time with you and more with her external interest parties

The above list is not exhaustive, but it will cover most of what a man will go through.  I’d hedge a fair bet any man can relate to this.

Why is this the case?

Why, after such a positive sign, can things turn south at a sound of a heartbeat?  The easiest explanation would be to use a car journey analogy.  A man will hold predilection to drive at a constant speed to reach his destination.  There may not be too many exhilarating moments in that journey, but equally he will not be at risk of crashing or inflicting pain on his passengers.  Conversely, a woman will drive the car far more recklessly with far less fear to the consequences and who she may hurt in the passenger or back seats.  Her greatest concern is her own inner required feelings.  There will be huge highs on that journey, but, most likely when it happens, there will be tears when the car is written off and people are injured.

Still follow me?  In easier language, men prefer a steady, consistent, predictable and routine life that can be planned with as little stress and drama as possible.  Women, on the total opposite extreme, feel their life is worth living when they are either at the top or the bottom of the rollercoaster.  They have their most pleasurable moments when either their existence appears so important, popular, busy, fast paced and dramatic, or when it is in despair, pain, victimisation, stress and depression.

So if you do experience the extreme cold spell subsequent to the enriching hot moment, know it is because she never quite knows which side of the coin she wants the toss to land on.

How to hurt less from women’s games

Once you know how women will act - which can only be a by-product of understanding the female emotional make-up and psychology – you stop being surprised when things turn out the way they do.  You half expect it, and if they don’t play games or have hot-cold (or similar behavioural traits) moments, you actually start to worry even more.  When something appears too good to be true, it’s probably because it is too good to be true.

At this juncture, when you concurrently understand what women are like, how they will act, and never being surprised in how they will be or deliver, the hurt becomes less and less.  Without blowing my own trumpet, I’m far more experienced with women than the average man, and as a writer of a blog on this subject I pretty much have the theory nailed on, but I’ll still be the first to admit that I’m not immune from preventing women taking up my energy in the way they act.  I’m only human, and when all said and done, I’m a sensitive and quite fundamental emotional guy.  It is only astuteness and life experience which has negated these innate characteristics.

A final thought

It would be a prudent question to ask whether women take pleasure out of men getting hurt, stressed, depressed and bewildered over the games they play.  By and large, I don’t think the vast majority of women do.  I’m quite sure most women don’t go to bed at night and say to themselves: “You go girl, you hurt that rat bastard as far as you can.” 

The reason I’m convinced women do act this way is, as alluded heavily to earlier, they are obsessed with how the world sees and perceives them, in conjunction with how important and popular they are to their watching direct and indirect networks.  Therefore, a woman subconsciously (and sometimes consciously) knowing she is stressing a man out with her games is a happier woman because she sees this expenditure, endeavour, stress, exertion, pain and hurt on his part as a symbol of her popularity and importance.  It isn’t because she holds strong desires to hurt him, per se.

Q-tip 2:

Play women at their own game.  If she backs off, don’t chase her.  If she acts like a bitch, you act like a jerk.  Is she disappears, you go off the face of the earth too.  If she is seeing or in touch with other men, you do likewise with other women.  If she calls you out, stand up to her and give her more verbal (but controlled) aggression back in return.  If she doesn’t ask you about yourself, ask her nothing back until she does.  If her interest in the two of you is wavering, waver yourself from the environment as well.

And when she does act nice, pleasant, amiable, genuine, honest and consistent, reward her with the applicable measures in return.

Wednesday, 9 December 2020

Early days psychology, comprehension, and acceptance

 

“You only die once, but you live life every day.”

  

Any honest single and uncommitted man would confess that 2020 has been, to say the least, a tough year on his romantic, sexual and dating experience.  If you follow the lockdown measures, you can’t even invite a woman back to your place.  If you don’t follow the measures, you then have the task of finding a woman not wearing a mask or who doesn’t think you are a COVID alien trying to inflict the disease onto her.

I’m a great believer, in any walk of life, that if your days become tough then the first and most important protocol is to accept this is the case.  This is closely followed by then toughening up (even after a few days feeling sorry for yourself), taking life less seriously, valuing the time you have been given on this planet and the time you have left, and doing something to mitigate and eradicate the black clouds you currently walk under.  Nobody is going to do it for you.

Some men just can’t accept and admit they are going through a barren spell with women.  I guess it’s an ego thing that he worries what his friends will think of his existential celibacy.  I have a mate who is clearly single, and he recently sent a picture on our WhatsApp group of his new ‘girlfriend’.  I immediately, partly innocently but also partly smelling a rat, messaged that she looked incredibly like a woman I’d seen on a TV programme many years ago.  One of the other men in the group then backed this up by stating the picture of this woman was a dead ringer for an actress in a current soap opera.  The mate in question claimed it just looked like her, but you could put two and two together and pretty much get four and a fraction that he has used this actress as his mysterious girlfriend. 

Again, there is no shame in facing up to dry spells with women.  There will be a high percentage of committed and married men having very little more sex than that (hence, little more than nothing).

 The meeting

Last Sunday morning I caught a woman checking me out in the gym.  Without getting a close look at her face, from a distance she was pretty much my type.  Although two or three inches taller than my ideal female height, her long straight brown hair, pale complexion and slim/curvy figure was enough to motivate further analysis.  She also looked a bit familiar, and I’d place a few quid on her seeing me before and recognizing me straight away.  It turns out we both went to the same previous gym last year.

After I had finished my chest workout, I put down a mat to do some abs training a few metres away from her.  It didn’t help that she was wearing those oversized headphones, and every time she walked to pick up a new piece of equipment she started talking to a mouthpiece.  For the record, I straight away thought she was talking to nobody at the end of the phone.  The conversation just didn’t seem a natural flow, and it was too much of a coincidence that the other ‘person’ was on the phone when she wasn’t working out per se.

Q-tip 1:

Because women are constantly obsessed and worried about their self-importance and popularity, they will often make up conversations on their phone or pretend they are texting (or irrelevantly texting) someone.  This is also to ease their low confidence levels in having to make eye contact with a stranger walking past them.

It’s never easy approaching a woman with big headphones on.  I’ve done it on more than a few occasions, and sometimes they don’t even look at me in most likely claiming (or lying) that all they are zoned in to is the music.  However, as on this instance another woman went up to her in stating she wasn’t permitted to throw a medicine ball against the wall, she was forced to take the headphones off.  This allowed me to start with an easy opener in asking if the other woman had told her off.

Straight away I could sense she had desires to talk.  She was enjoyable to talk to, quite articulate, and seemingly from a similar social class level to me.  After about ten minutes I said I had to crack on, but I suggested grabbing a coffee when things reopened.  She took my number. 

I had previously asked her if she had a boyfriend.  It was only retrospectively that I thought her pause and then answer of “No” was a little hesitant and with ambiguity.  It was also only in hindsight that it fathomed on me that she never asked one question about myself.

Q-tip 2:

There are three main reasons a woman wouldn’t ask a man any questions.  First, she is so wrapped up in her own life that she doesn’t hold any inclination to talk about anything but herself.  Second, she just isn’t romantically or sexually interested in the man in the slightest, so she just uses the conversation to talk about her own life.  Third, she is so intimidated and placed in an inferiority complex beside him that she doesn’t want to know anything about him that may produce an answer to make her feel even more inferior.

Nevertheless, she did text me less than an hour after we spoke.  However, for three days her texts were very brief and intermittent.  She only asked me one question throughout (which was printed as “you?”).  Actually, she asked me one more question, but that was only to lead to answer about herself.  The best it ever reached was when she agreed to go on a brunch date.  In her short answers there were a lot of “Ahahaha”, yet most of the time I was barely being funny.  I’m the first to admit I’m not that funny a person.  Basically, it was all about her, but with little effort or enthusiasm in her texts. 

The general psychology and strategy of text game, without getting into the intricacy, is to keep your messages no longer than the woman’s messages at the other end.  You should also text no sooner in timeframe than when she replied to you.  Let me tell you, whilst I kept my game tight, it was near on impossible to text in any shorter form.

The possibilities

As I have documented on this blog before, a man’s tight game and effective psychological strategy with women does help, but it can’t prevent mitigating circumstances that live in the life of the one at the other end.  In other words, if a woman has something going on in her life that interferes the path between the two of you, or if she has some voice going on in her head that has negativity of some nature towards being with you, there is next to nothing that game can do.  Game helps, but it can only take you so far.

These are the possibilities I have come up with:

1)    She still has some involvement with another man.  This could be an ex-boyfriend or someone she is/was casually seeing.  Even if you, as the new pursuer, are of higher quality and a better overall catch, women who are already involved with a guy, providing she is into him, tend to stay on that path until they become totally bored or he has nothing left to offer.

2)    She is just totally not attracted to me – whether physically, emotionally or in compatibility terms – at all.  If this is the case, I must have totally read the signs wrong pre meeting.

3)    She is in fact very attracted to me, to the point where it goes beyond productivity.  I know a lot of men fail to grasp or accept this explanation (most likely because they have never experienced it themselves), but a woman can be 100% physically attracted to a man, and she can in addition enjoy his personality and know he is a good catch, but she still concurrently feels somewhat inadequate alongside him.  She may believe she doesn’t match up to the past girlfriends he had.

4)    On the back of 3), whilst she is into me, she is a woman who has an ego that enforces her to show less endeavour, interest, and romantic pursuit than the man she is in contact with.  These kinds of women are by no means rare, and are far more common than women who are forthcoming in this respect.

5)    Her friends have given advice to not pursue, stating she doesn’t know enough about me.  If her friends are with mediocre looking boyfriends, don’t rule this advice out based on their own agendas and jealous motivations.

6)    She just finds me good to look at, but when push comes to shove, deep down she knows I’m not the kind of guy she would date. 

7)    She just uses me as a bit of short-term attention and validation.  The more guys (and people generally) that message her, the more important she feels.  In essence, I was just something for her ego.

I could come up with other reasons, but the above will be the most likely.  If I was a betting man, and I’m not, I’d confidently say it is a combination of 1) and 3).  You could throw in a couple of teaspoons of 5) and 6) to the recipe too. If 1) was in fact not the case, and I think it is, then it would be a combination of 3) and 4).

From here on in…

I’ve particularly produced this post, not to talk about myself, but in knowledge that many men will have, and will continue to do so, experienced scenarios just like this.  When a man is attracted to a woman, it is generally her game to lose.  In other words, outside of catastrophic wrongdoings, he will venture on with her if he finds her bangable and personable.  Unfortunately, it just doesn’t work in the same way with regards to the gender inverse dynamic. 

With this in mind, the last text I received from her was a one liner about (of course) herself and that she was back into the gym routine.  This answer was based on my previous question to her.  My last text, and it most likely will be the last dialogue between us was:

“Me too! X”

Effectively, this has done a few things. 

·       It may make her ask a few questions about her own efforts in all this.  Highly unlikely though, such is the female mentality in being faultless and to never question their own integrity.

·       It was the shortest, hence most apathetic, message I could pretty much come up with.  Two can play at that game…

·       It intimates at me saying (sarcastically) – “Thanks for asking if I’m back at the gym too!”

In essence, this has boxed her into a corner and leaves me with a win-win situation.  I don’t think she will reply now, as it will mean her instigating conversation which is clearly not in her nature or inclination.  So if she doesn’t reply, I will know for good she is not interested (irrespective of the main reason), go my separate way, and not waste any more time on this.  If she does reply, it will be on better terms than just replying to a question.  At that stage, I will reconsider in a form of proverbially not cutting my nose to spike my face. 

Q-tip 3:

When you can sense a woman you are hunting down slipping out your grasp with her undeniable acts of lies, apathy, distancing and lack of effort, the only solution for a man is to back off.  Don't make any more contact.  Although this by no means works every time, it is amazing how many women then make contact once they realize he is no longer coming back.

Q-tip 4:

Be disappointed with women, but never be surprised.  When you stop being surprised, you ultimately become less pissed off and see them easier for who they are.