Thursday 18 November 2021

Should a man promote his fidelity record?

 

“If you don’t like what is being said, then change the conversation.”

(Don Draper, Mad Men)

  

A couple of years ago, I struck up a conversation with a woman when we walked out of the gym and towards the car park.  I’d noticed her in there on a few occasions, and I’d picked up on minimal eye contact interest on her part.  It has to be said that her indicator of interest level projected onto me was far less than many other women during that particular timeframe.  With this in mind, I expected little in terms of promising outcome.

If the truth be told, there were enough signs even before she opened her mouth that I perceived her as nothing more than short term fling material.  Whilst in relatively subtle mode, a tattoo on her wrist, upper back and inner arm forearm were enough information signals to allow me to think she wasn’t the brightest bulb in the pack from an intelligence or conversational perspective, and that she was likely from a lower social class upbringing to me.  Nevertheless, I always give someone a chance to prove my perception wrong.

My perception wasn’t wrong.  As soon as she opened her mouth, it was one of those sinking feelings when you immediately know you couldn’t talk to her for more than five minutes without wanting the conversation to end.  There was also a nose stud to look at which I hadn’t seen before.  Regardless, I still thought it was worth a stab in the dark, so to speak!

When I effectively asked her out, she didn’t hesitate in mentioning she attained a partner.  I made an internally half-hearted and sarcastic response in stating I would now go into a puddle of self-doubt such is she rejected me, and we went our separate ways. 

The weeks that followed consisted of her going out of her way to avoid eye contact with me, contrasting to another occasion when she even smiled as she saw me in a suit concurrent to working on a laptop around the coffee area of the complex. She seemed to stop going to the gym for a while, then we had the COVID-19 lockdown, followed by the reopening approximately a year after asking her out.  I then changed gym memberships shortly after.

Two years later (after the first interaction)

From about twenty yards away from where I stood, two years later I saw her walk out of the new gym I had recently joined.  She looked like she’d put on a bit of weight, but nothing too noticeable. 

Then one Saturday morning I saw her working out close to me.  After five minutes of training next to each other (predictably she made no eye contact), I asked her how long she had been at this gym after leaving the last one.  She seemed amiable at the first point, and as the conversation went on, she warmed that little more.  It has to be said though that it was me asking all the questions, with her asking me nothing in return.  This previous post explains all to be known.  What almost made me lose my balance was when she told me she was twenty-four.  I thought she looked nearer thirty-one in age even a couple of years ago.  That said, she was still looking hot.

We then moved onto talking about relationships.  I asked her how long she had been with her partner, and when she answered I responded by saying that is about the same time as “us”.  She certainly didn’t reflect glee when I mentioned my girlfriend.  I then went onto add that, contrary to people’s perception of what I’m like in this respect, I have never cheated on any woman whilst being in a committed relationship.  Once more, rather than look and sound happy and applauding, she came across as a little disappointed this was the case.

Why would this be the case?

I would make a strong argument that her disappointment of my fidelity claim was on the basis that she had no intention whatsoever to ever (in a million years!) hold a thought of being in a long-term relationship with me.  With this in mind, the positive aspect of male fidelity becomes irrelevant as a benefit to her.  If she was talking to a man she would consider as a future boyfriend/husband material, this eradication of infidelity would be seen as a plus point.

What was more likely, without any proof or confirmation of being right, is that she would have considered a night or short-term liaison in cheating on our respective partners.  This would be even more applicable if she was talking to me during her most fertile ovulation cycle timeframe.  When I mentioned the fact I had never cheated on anyone – which in her mind would construe as not being a guy who would ever cheat, or who condones being unfaithful – it would reflect in her disheartened body language. 

Do women prefer men with fidelity or infidelity pasts?

There are so many variables, such is that it can only be sub-divided by the use of each bullet point and associated explanation:

·       The hotter the woman, the more likely she will be attracted to a man (within reason) who has acted out infidelity in the past.  This is because the hotter the woman, the more options she attains and the more attention she receives from men.  This manifests in these women seeking for the most sought-after men (and essentially men with the most options with women), and a man who has cheated in the past can be interpreted by said woman as a man who is more valuable than his faithful male counterpart.

·       The less physically attractive the woman, the more likely she will be attracted to a man who has been faithful all his life.  Conversely to the hotter woman as explained above, less attractive women have not been blessed with male attention or men queuing up to take them out.  With this consideration, this kind of woman will desire a man to stay loyal to her.

·       On the basis she is looking for a long-term relationship, the better looking the man, the more impressed a woman will be with his fidelity record.  This is because a woman will already assume a good-looking man will have a high number of women who find him attractive, therefore the pre-selection validation that can be reflected with infidelity becomes far less pertinent and necessary.

·       If a woman is looking for a long-term relationship, she will give more leeway to an average looking man if he has performed infidelity misdemeanours in the past.  As a man of this physical attractiveness standing will not allow a woman to think he has been pre-selected by many (if any) other women out there on his face value alone, the knowledge of his cheating ways will make her believe he is more worth having.

·       On the basis she is looking for a short-term fling or casual sex, the better looking the man, the happier (or at least open to) a woman will be with his infidelity record.  This was illustrated in my scenario with anecdotal woman.

·       All else equal, the younger the woman, the more likely she will be attracted to a man (within reason) who has acted out infidelity in the past.  Same reasoning as above to ‘the hotter the woman’.

·       All else equal, the older the woman, the more likely she will be attracted to a man who has been faithful all his life.  Same reasoning as above to ‘the less physically attractive the woman’.  The one big caveat to this is when said older woman in considerably more mentally immature than her birth certificate reflects (which, unfortunately, signifies a higher percentage of women than is beneficial to society).

·       Drama seeking women will be more attracted to men with an infidelity past.  No more clarification should be required to why.

·       All else equal, the lower the social class of the woman, the more she will be ignited towards a man who has a cheating history.  This is mainly in line with the drama seeking and mentally immature manifestations. 

·       All else equal, the higher the social class of the woman, the more she will be impressed with a man who has shown faithfulness to his past girlfriends/fiancĂ©/wife.  The big (but minority) example is when the rich good girl goes through a phase when she wants the rough, and often lower class, bad boy.

A final thought

A phrase never leaves me that I must have read over ten years ago:

A woman does not want to be cheated on by a man, but she wants to know that she could be cheated on by him.

In easy practical language, this best mirrors the third bullet point down with reference to the loyal man who is good looking and high value.  Simply put, most women, excluding the drama queens of the world, do not actually hold strong desires (or any desires at all) to be cheated on by their man, but there is something in their innate female nature that uncontrollably needs other women to want him. 

Consequently, this balancing act is a fine one.  On the one hand a woman doesn’t hold inclinations for her man to cheat on her, yet on the other hand nothing arouses her more to see women near his vicinity and flirting with him, whilst she is the one holding his hand. 

On the fact that >95% of men are not men with a plethora of women who subconsciously cannot take their eyes off him, it’s no surprise that you will find many women who devise make believe stories about how their mediocre looking boyfriends have mysterious (and sometimes fictitious) women who are interested in him.  Even more often, these women will claim some of their female allies or enemies want to be with him.   The stories just don’t stack up with the objective offerings of the man, at least if you don’t understand how women’s emotional minds function.

Q-tip:

It's in a woman's interest to elevate the importance and appeal of her boyfriend, especially when he objectively does not stand out within the male crowd.  By enhancing his popularity and social standing beyond what is seen by the wider public's two eyes, she is effectively trying to promote herself.

Friday 5 November 2021

Which man triumphs?

 

                                   “If you can’t be better than someone at something,                                     then simply being yourself is better than trying to do so.”

  

I always remember working at a company where, not long after I had joined, the Managing Director went onto pastures new.  Despite not knowing him for long, it was clear he was popular and had the team members (of which there were approximately a hundred in the office and twice as many on site) on side.

His replacement was a socially awkward looking younger man.  He was skinny and 6ft 6” tall.  Not the best looking to be fair.  He walked with a slouch and with very little presence considering the role he would be performing.  I couldn’t help but think this man is there through nothing but default and upper hierarchy pressure, and he would be a dead man walking per se.

In the beginning, he did look a bit out of place.  It was around the time I was diagnosed with cancer, and I’ll never forget how uneasy he looked as he approached me for the first time to talk about it.  We went and sat down to discuss things for ten minutes, and he made me feel, at my lowest time of life, that little bit stronger.  His words of support were sincere and reassuring, and I can genuinely say that I came away from the conversation with a tear in my eye.  He was every bit of supportive for the following nine months throughout my chemotherapy and radiotherapy treatment.  I couldn’t help but think that my survival tribulations put his work stress levels in true perspective, and he was almost thankful to me for it. 

Nevertheless, over the coming weeks and months he transformed from this discomposed figure to one of self-assurance, ease, and a certain aura of character.  Sure, the slouching never quite left him during his strolls along the corridor, however his presentations, team briefs and one-to-one discussions were on point.  Simply put, his sheer unrivalled technical knowledge of the industry allowed him to master himself and others around, and that, to a great extent, masked his shortcomings.

Q-tip 1:

Aim to exploit and maximise your strengths, concurrent to hiding and disregarding your weaknesses.

 

You don’t need to be studious of the subjects discussed in this video for it to be relevant to why you follow the topics written about in this blog.  Another point of worth at this stage is to not be freaked out by the two-hour length, as only from 12:25 to 36:15 is applicable.  I know you are all busy guys, therefore just a snippet here and there will be enough for you to grasp the relevance to this post.  That said, the more you watch, the more you will learn.  Life never comes for free, I guess…

The backdrop

As a brief synopsis before exploring the meat to the bones, the two men debating are Anthony ‘Pomp’ Pompliano (on the left) and Ben ‘Bitboy Crypto’ Armstrong (on the right).  They had a little online spat a day prior to the debate, and it led to what it led to.

On face value, I don’t think it comes across as too harsh or judgmental to say that they both strike you as quite opposing characters.  Pompliano has a more alpha, somewhat jerky and calm/cocky portray, whilst Armstrong perhaps comes across as the slightly overweight kid who got picked on at school.  I reiterate, on face value alone.  As I’ve always said, most people judge another on their perception of you, without taking the time to acknowledge the person for the person they are.

What I will do is compartmentalize the interaction and dispute, and consequently give my take on how it manifested.  

Early interaction / Immediate body language

At the beginning, Pomp is the one who has calm, relaxed and assured body language and voice tone.  Ben is undeniably on edge and slightly nervous.  This dynamic is to be expected when one party (Pomp) is effectively the prosecutor, whilst the other party (Bitboy) plays the role of the defendant.  Also, bear in mind Pomp has the “safety in numbers” mentality with his two brothers alongside him.  Any wise person knows that people who rely on the safety in numbers approach are actually weak, in contrast to he who is comfortable to battle and interact with nothing more than his own two arms and legs.

Pomp plays a crafty, unsubstantiated, and most likely untrue early card by claiming not many people who watch his channel know about Bitboy Crypto.  Ben perfectly responds with quantification facts about how large his subscribership and community is.  I love the plausible deniable dig back that his channel is the largest in America. 

Pomp, not content with his first attempt at understating Bitboy’s standing in the industry, at 14:00 fires a second bullet in trying to convince the audience Bitboy has little relevance in his existence and that the two of them have only met once.  Bitboy again corrects him with the mention of the second interaction.  This isn’t a good start for Pomp, as straight away it would allow savvy people to think one is being more objective than the other.  And at the end of the day, the whole purpose of this debate was to conclude who was being objective (and, hence honest too) in comparison to who was being subjective (with porky pies thrown in). 

Q-tip 2:

If you are going to try and elevate your importance and social proof level over and above another man, ensure this is implemented with facts.  If you are the recipient of someone playing this game with you, take it as a back-handed compliment. 

The next stage

At 14:15, Pomp uses this as an opportunity to get back on the front foot.  He starts off by complimenting Bitboy’s work ethic and morals, and fair play to him (Pomp) for this.  However, what this small timeframe does, to Pomp’s detriment, is it allows Bitboy a few more seconds to relax and remove some of the nerves and inside adrenalin that was most likely, and naturally, running a little too fast at the beginning.  As any great sports star will tell you, an optimum performance is constructed by a perfect balance between good nerves (hence attaining a level where you know the situation and outcome is important) simultaneous to being in control of your emotions too.  Too easy, and you run the risk of not testing yourself.  Too stressed, and your natural game can take a hit for the worse.

After the compliment, Pomp uses his main weapon in calling Bitboy out for talking shit.  Bitboy responds well by answering the question in the way he wants to answer it, but equally not bypassing the question at stake.  Pomp’s reaction to Bitboy’s accusation that he is out of touch with the modern-day meme coin investor is a poor one, because it is an over exaggerated laughing expression.  Note also how he feels the need to look to his left in seeking approval from his brothers. 

What Pomp needed to do in that moment was just stay still for a few seconds, smirk a little, and then shake his head in casual disagreement.  That would have looked far more natural and been far more productive.  He would have had his chance to respond.  Instead, what it now construes as is a case of the negative body language signals moving in opposite directions.  Whereas Bitboy started anxious and is now gradually moving to loosen up, Pomp started lightened but is now a little agitated. 

The tone and demeanour

The tones of both men, although variable, are big plus points.  It helps of course to be intelligent and articulate, which both are.  Pomp undeniably has the slower, more relaxed and composed speech, and on the face of it this is a bigger blessing than Bitboy’s likewise mile to minute delivery.

Nonetheless, if they were simply having a head-to-head on a Saturday night after a few pints, Pomp’s demeanour would be seen as far more beneficial and the one who is conquering the conflict.  It would, in such a situation, be a case of the one spouting off in more aggressive manner being the one who cares more about it than the other.  The one who smirks is just there for the ride, lapping up the amusement as he sees his opponent exert far more energy than him.  Women in the crowd would be more ignited to the Pomp’s conduct than the Bitboy exertion, all else being equal.

The fact is though, they weren’t having a pissed up argument, and in this case Bitboy’s implementation is advantageous as he knows the audience, in this given situation, are more interested in the content, words, objectivity and honesty, in comparison to who has the cooler on stage appearance.

Content / Honesty / Objectivity

This brings us nicely onto the main course of everything.  Where Bitboy wins the overall game, in my humble and unbiased view, is he counteracts Pomp’s argument and accusation by stating that Pomp has done exactly the same thing.  He is basically calling Pomp a hypocrite.  And when someone calls another a hypocrite, it is only one league up from calling them a liar.

What I also like is where (at 20:40) Bitboy makes no apology in confessing that certain video thumbnails are documented in such a way to achieve a greater number of views.  Even if you perform an act that isn’t based on totally moral or ethical moves, it is nearly always better to face up to this and give reasons to why it is done, instead of hiding being weak justifications and lies.  Bitboy also points out that all Crypto Youtubers are at it, therefore nobody is any better or worse than the other.  Fair point.

Finally, the more the video goes on, the more Pomp comes across as that person you know in the office who had five minutes to assemble a presentation.  He didn’t look well prepared.  Bitboy sticks to his honest and objective stance in explaining he hasn’t done anything that he said he wasn’t going to do, and that his words are only to benefit his audience.  Whilst you can never fully trust anyone in this world, especially someone you don’t know personally, he does come across as honest, genuine and believable.  And I’m a pretty good judge of character.

Conclusion

The general thought is that, in respect to human communication, seventy percent is assigned to body language and twenty percent is designated to your tone.  In theory then, ninety percent of what you’re saying is not coming out of your mouth.

This consensus is true in many respects.  In the game of attraction, women are propelled towards a man’s body language and voice tone far more than the words he says.  If you see a stranger in the street, you are going to be far more impressed with his strong posture and sound, than the words he is conveying to another. 

Be that as it may, in a discussion where what is talked about is far more critical than anything else in consideration to someone’s welfare, and in this case someone’s financial freedom, this consensus goes out the window.  What you look for in scenarios of this kind is content, honesty, objectivity and sincerity.  For me, Bitboy Crypto ticked all the boxes.

A final thought

A wise man once told me that honesty is the easiest path towards internal energy economizing.  His explication behind this is because when you aren’t second guessing yourself, you simply shoot from the hip without thinking twice.  When someone is lying, being economical with the truth, or devising make-believe stories, they need to put twice as much expenditure into the final verbal product.

That’s why if someone can’t ever look you in the eye when they talk about an emotive subject, the likelihood is they aren’t telling you the truth.

A final, final thought

By the way, I wrote this post before looking at the comments section.  Refreshingly, it appears the vast majority of people are on the same wavelength as me.


Acknowledgements

Youtube.com

Thursday 4 November 2021

Women and dogs planting their territory

 

“Failing to plan is planning to fail.” (Benjamin Franklin)

  

I was walking the then recently acquired family female puppy just over a year ago, when I noticed she must have urinated about a dozen times in less than half an hour.  I didn’t recall her consuming any volume of fluid prior that was out of the ordinary, therefore to me, as someone who has never owned a dog or shown any interest in their habits, it seemed a little strange.

The pisses, for want of a better word, were barely more than a dribble.  Again, with next to no knowledge of dogs of any kind, I assumed this was the usual process.  The other thing I observed was the way she would have a good sniff and explore before deciding to urinate in that particular patch.

It wasn’t until someone later explained to me that this number of pees weren’t natural urinations.  A natural dog urination would be longer in duration than those I had seen.  This little bitch was simply marking her territory for anything that her scent had taken her fancy.  In other words, she would have scented a male dog’s tracks, and she wanted to be noticed in return by these potentially sought afters.

The backdrop

Although I could list many examples, I’ll anecdote the most recent that comes to mind.  A young blonde woman aged around 22 or 23 was checking me out in the gym a couple of months ago.  Although she would try to be much more discrete about it from closer proximity, our eyes caught on more than one occasion.  She is facially pretty and in very good slim/curvy shape, not as hot as hell level, but upper cute in my opinion of 7.5/10.

More recently, her attraction towards me is ever present.  She doesn’t come across as easily approachable, in addition to wearing big earphones, however I get the feeling if interaction took place she would warm quite quickly after the usual plausible deniability many women deliver in pretending they’d never even seen me (or generally the guy they had been eyeing up) before. 

I get the feeling she is at that irritable stage where she is caught between a rock and a hard place regarding her emotions and place in life right now.  This infuriating middle ground is most common for women around her age where she is fairly desperate for a boyfriend (my guess is nearly all of her friends have a boyfriend), yet she is in the minority female bracket where she actually places priority on being physically attracted to a man over and above aspects like choosing a man who makes her feel better about herself (due to his comparative lesser physical attractiveness). 

Her presence in the gym at 6.30am on most weekdays, in addition to alternative early morning weekend days it seems, would back up my prediction.  Any woman, in particular a woman at her tender age, will not be visiting the gyms at those times/days referenced on regular occasions if she either has a steady boyfriend or an active girly social life.  The only exception might be if said woman does have a boyfriend but is seeking a better male option, to which she will then consider the gym as a location to find that higher quality candidate.

Q-tip:

As explained thoroughly in this previous post, the last eighteen months we have gone through have either led women to stick with their boyfriends for longer than in normal circumstances, or it has been a bad time for single women who prefer the single life.  I very much doubt things have gone back to normal just yet, and in this respect, it might never fully do so.

The human female equivalence to a dog’s territory planning

Dogs, and the animal kingdom in general, can in some ways give the most effective and productive analysis to how women are attracted to men.  Here is a non-exhaustive list to what a female dog would look for in a male dog:

·       A male dog she is physically attracted to

·       A male dog who attains a scent she is attracted to

·       A male dog who she thinks can protect her from vulnerable situations

·       A male dog with a presence of power (even if not the most handsome dog to look at)

·       A male dog who has caught the attention of other female dogs

·       A male dog who other male dogs look up to and follow

·       A male dog who will give her strong and healthy puppies if impregnated

I don’t think I need to spell out how all the above relates to women, as it all speaks for itself. 

Human female territory marking

Whilst women are not going to be leaving piss, sweat or vaginal juice down on gym benches for men they fancy to sniff and assess, there are common habits that can be aligned between dogs and our female human friends. 

A couple of weeks ago, I moved over to the leg machines area of the gym.  There was a tidy brunette working out who goes in with her boyfriend.  She is probably ten years older than the blonde I referenced above, and she has fake tits and an obvious sunbed tan.  She epitomizes a woman who would like to be involved in a reality TV show such as Love Island or similar, but she has left it at least five years too late.

I’ve also caught this brunette staring at me in the past when her boyfriend is not around.  When her boyfriend comes back, she starts to kiss him in a show for the public way that, quite frankly, comes across as cringeworthy, pitiful, try-hard, and unnatural. 

As I performed lunges that were only a few yards away from this brunette, the blonde came over and parked her arse in my line of vision to the mirror.  She not only, at least this is how it came across to me, wanted me to spot her, but she also held desires to act as a blockade between any attention I would have made for the brunette.  The blonde stayed there for no longer than a couple of minutes before leaving.

The following Wednesday, and the blonde was in again.  This day walked in two hot blondes I have seen in there a few times.  They could be sisters, possibly just friends, as one looks about 27 whilst the other barely 22.  They are 8/10 and 8.5/10 in hotness terms respectively.

Although the proximity of the two hot blondes was never that close to me, at the end of her session the cute blonde made it her purpose to work in proximity to me.  Once more, she held a subconscious (maybe conscious?) and uncontrollable mechanism for me to know she was around. 

Attraction onto the man, or a greater need to beat female competition?

In truth, both go hand in hand.  A woman has to be attracted to a man in the first place (mainly physically attracted to a man in places such as the gym, but other factors such as social status, the car he drives, or body language also play a part), in order for her attraction to be triggered.  Nevertheless, let it be said that the physical attraction onto a man plays second fiddle to conquering the other female competition in sight. 

·       Whether it be a man as the woman’s boyfriend or husband, if other quality women are within her same close environment and close to said man at that particular time, she will be at her most pleasing, accommodating and loving towards him than at any other scenario.

·       In relation to the above scenario, other women will never find a man more appealing than when he is with his girlfriend or wife.

·       If you are a single man capturing the attention of women, any other associated women will find you more attractive than at any other given time.

Caveat to above:

The above almost unequivocally applies if the woman/women you are with is/are of equal or slightly less/more physically attractive than the women watching on.  If the woman/women is/are significantly less physically attractive, the extra attraction other women will have onto said man has lower returns.  If the woman/women is/are significantly more physically attractive, you will find that, if not immediately, the other women will move out of the line of site to refrain from feeling inadequate or having their nose put out of joint.

The differences between women and female dogs in mate selection

In essence, there are two main variants that will separate how women select men in comparison to dogs (keep in mind the similarity list from above):

·       First, women, unlike female dogs, don’t just act on what they find most attractive and appealing in their male equivalent.  After a female dog finds a male dog attractive, there isn’t too much that will stand in her way in holding desires to mate with him.  Conversely, most women won’t pursue (or more likely will reject his advances) a man they find physically attractive due to their brain functions subconsciously (and sometimes consciously) sending messages to their egos that they prefer to be with a man who is less physically attractive than her, and often even a man who is practically invisible to her instinctive eyes.

·       Second, whilst a female dog will look for non-physical cues in a male dog – scent, pre-selection from other female dogs, leader of other male dogs – she isn’t exactly going to follow the male dog she has her eyes on to see what kind of kennel he sleeps in or the house his owners live in (at least I don’t think so!).  On the other hand, women will very much select men, whether primarily or secondary, based on the resources he attains and the material provisioning he can provide.