Is he too attractive for the average woman?

“Play to the audience who matter the most to you.”

A reader gives a synopsis with reference to his interaction/dating/relationship dilemmas with women, and he asks for my thoughts:

Hi Vi Nay I read some of your posts and I find it quite insightful. Congrats!
In the past two years I have read a lot of red pill material and focused in improving my looks and got a cocky attitude. 
The thing is in the last months I get many IOIs girls flirt with me and still can't close the deal (with the women I really want). 
I do get many complimments and I am labeled as a player very often. I'm start to realize I'm focusing too much in attraction. At the beginning I thought I wasn't good looking enough but I think this isn't the case. Should I just be a "nice guy"? I do live in a small town.
Another question- Which countries in europe have the best ratio of cute women to good looking men?

My response:

Before I explore this conundrum, it is important to ascertain an image of where you sit on an overall male physical attractiveness scale.  This factor is the core foundation to the advice I will give.  Based on what you’ve said, I perceive you to be in the upper range of above averageness – at 7.5/10 to 7.75/10 – hence decent looking facially, a good body, and an above average male height (>5ft 10”) that may even hit the sweet spot of 6ft to 6ft 2”.  If your objective self-grading surpasses this above average mark, then everything I’m about to write is only further magnified. 

You mention how, since you have improved your physical looks and attitude, there have been many IOI’s and female flirting tactics projected in your direction.  You also document the “player” tag and high frequency of compliments.  An innocent bystander, or just haters, less clued up people, and those ignorant to reality, may question how a man of “only” above average aesthetic allure can find trouble sealing the deal with women he interacts with.  Surely he isn’t too intimidating, they may ask?

In answer to this, you have to analyze the numbers.  Yes, a man of 7.5/10 to 7.75/10, whilst being attractive, is hardly on Zac Efron’s benchmark, but he would still be in the top 3% of male eye candy.  Based on women between the ages of 16 to 40, the average female looks level is somewhere around 6/10 to 6.25/10.  A fair estimate of 10% of women in this same age bracket are of 7/10 or greater in physical beauty, with the vast majority (of this 10%) sitting at 7/10 to 7.5/10. 

With this percentage analysis in mind, it all sums up to an end result of you being more physically attractive in gender terms than 90% of women worth taking things further with.  If 9 out of 10 women prefer to be with a man who is about 10% less physically attractive than she is, straight away you, absent of great status and wealth, rule yourself out with the lion’s share of female population who are willing to get closer to you.

What this ultimately leads to are the following 4 suggestions in ramping up your success rate:

• First, you only hit on women who are hotter than you.  Straight away you put a woman at ease in not being out of her league, and she will be far more receptive and willing to give you a chance.
• Second, you build up the non-visual attributes on offer to a higher degree.  This means pumping up your profile, status, popularity, career, earnings, assets, attitude, confidence and likeability.  A woman’s ego doesn’t want to date a man who is on or above her own looks grade, but some of them will put this irritable feeling to one side if there is something she can gain from and make her life better. 
• Third, just approach numerous women (preferably those only >7/10), and do it with an absolute not a caring crap to the consequences.  There is a minority of women who can see past their egos and trust issues, in placing priority on their hearts and sexual hunger.
• Fourth, spend the greatest efforts approaching cute and hot women who look the age of 23 or younger.  The 90% of women I state who consciously date down with men on a physical looks consideration is mainly applicable to women aged 24 and above.  A much higher proportion (guestimate of 50%) of teenage and early 20s women place a higher emphasis on male physical appearance (although still less than social status) and less requirement on money and what he does for a living.  It is still important to accept that these young girls are more interested in a good looking guy so she can show off to her friends and foes, than the feeling she gets in being with the man himself, but at the end of the day when you’re poking the fire and hosing the garden, who cares about her motivations – at least in the short term anyway.     

You say that you’re focusing too much on the attraction?  I’ll turn this around a bit and interpret as you focusing too much on the beginning and end of an interaction with a woman who gets yours balls a bit tight.  If so, you need to eradicate the daunting first line and the cold feeling of possible end rejection, and enjoy the intersection.  Of course environmental challenges always play a part, but the 3 stage process has never done me any harm:

• Say something common ground orientated that is applicable to the surroundings you are both in.  Don’t be too cocky, but equally don’t act like it is a privilege to be in her all not so might vicinity.  Act like she is just another person in a world of 7 billion.  I’ve led by pulling the hair of women in recent years, and not once has it done me any harm.
• Break the touch barrier sooner rather than later.  This shows you aren’t like most men who are petrified of being near or touching a glamorous woman.  Do it on more than one occasion, even if it means saying she has something in her hair.  Unless the target woman has a male partner she is absolutely infatuated with (which is very rare in this day and age), she will let you do this and, more importantly, she will enjoy it.
• Find out your standing with her sooner rather than later. There’s nothing worse than spending endless time on a woman you are attracted to with no end product.  Time is too valuable to waste.  Once attraction has been built, make sure you know where you stand.  If she says yes then great, if not, onto the next one…

I think I know what you are getting at in terms of once not thinking you were good looking enough.  It is easy to be rejected by a woman and consequently assume she is with a better looking boyfriend.  Then you see this boyfriend, or perhaps an ex or hers, and he is lesser looking than your humble but objective self-assessment.  Ultimately, as illogical as it sounds, you were actually too good looking for her.

Don’t be too nice, but don’t be too cocky.  The perfect compromise is a man who can stand up to a woman in a calm and self-controlled manner.  Be firm, but kind.  Decisive, but compromising.  Engaging, but not too happy.  Helpful, but not a lapdog. 

With the point of living in a small town, I do intend to write a post on this subject.  However in summary, the better looking a man, the more options and avenues he attains with women in bigger populated cities.

Finally, to the final question regarding my favourite topic of women and Europe.  I’d say Greece has the highest ratio of cute women to good looking men at approximately 15:1, even if perhaps their women are not as striking in hotness numbers or percentages in comparison to other continental countries.  Turkey sits at the opposite extreme, almost to the point where you see more better looking men than cute women.  Spain, Italy and Portugal are all similar in ratio to each other at around 10:1.  Italy has a greater percentage of eye catching women, but then there are more men in this compartment than any other country I’ve visited.   Germany, Belgium, and the Netherlands have a smaller ratio of cute women to good looking men (7:1) than the southern European nations mentioned.  France is a strange one, but I’d still have to say the ratio of cute women to good looking men is 8:1.  Czech Republic is a great hunting ground on this basis at about 12:1. My experience of the former Soviet Union nations is limited and distant, but off memory it was on the 12:1 ratio too.

As for my passport home of the Brexiting UK, don’t even get me started.  But even here, and observations over the past few years have concluded in viewing more women who catch my eye, it is still at the 5:1 mark of cute women to good looking men.  This is why any half-decent looking woman in the UK would be foolish to move abroad if finding the highest quality man within plausible grasp is her objective.  She would be shocked and knocked aside by the greater female competition.  Does this explain why a lot of uninspiring looking British women go on holiday to Turkish resorts, and arrive back with stories on how much attention they received from Turkish men!?     

Note to above
It is important to note that all the above ratios illustrated are, in reality, relevant to the comparison between a hot woman versus good looking man.  Or, in a similar realm, a cute woman versus an above average looking man.  If it was in fact an analysis of cute women/good looking men ratio, you could easily 10 fold it all.  In other words, there are 50 cute (7/10 to 7.75/10) women to every 1 good looking (>8/10) man in the UK, and likewise 80:1 in France.

Hopefully I can add Scandinavia to this list soon, but until setting foot on these shores it is unfair to predict.  Nevertheless, I have had the pleasure of intimate times with both Danish and Swedish women on my travels, and what they perhaps lack in personality and humour (they take themselves way too seriously), they make up for in what ultimately counts.  But as I can’t help myself in placing a bet, my perception is that it will be another high ratio – in Denmark and Sweden at least.

Why women forgive unfaithful men

“If you don’t know somebody, you know somebody who knows him. 

Or, you know somebody, who knows somebody, who knows him”.

There is a lot of talk about who cheats more – women or men?  This subject has even become a popular conversation opener for men who have the bollocks to approach women they don’t know, and although it is now lacking in originality, it is a far better start up than leading in telling her how beautiful she is.

When you partake on more than a few internet searches regarding this topic, it isn’t easy to pinpoint which sources are the most worthwhile.  You may find one that abides by research showing men commit infidelity more, with others showing that women are slightly higher in adulterating habits.  But after a bit more tapping, a fair average would illustrate an approximate even scale.  Therefore, a rule of thumb conclusion is that 20% of women and men cheat, or have cheated, on their better halves.  Men may be reading at this point in thinking that an 80% chance of his female partner remaining faithful is more than decent odds. I advise you to read on.

This 20% figure stacks up, because women and men also file for divorce on infidelity grounds at a similar percentage of roughly 15% (of all divorce instigated reasons).  It is easy for naïve people to be washed in by how so many more women file for divorce because they have been cheated on, but women outweigh total divorce instigation by 2 to 1 over and above men, so only the percentage is relevant.      

When you dig deeper, there is enough evidence to conclude that women think about cheating more than men, without actually carrying it out.  This shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone who understands how life works in this respect.  Women are the sex who are more in a hurry to get married, who are consequently more “settling” in order to attain the big wedding day, who have a greater need for external attention to be projected onto them due to the by-product of a wedding and spectators either at the venue or subsequently on social media, who require greater status validation of being a wife/fiancé/girlfriend, and who ultimately, because of all the reasons given, become irritated, bored and fed up with their male partners at an earlier stage.  As the saying goes, women are the first to want into marriage and the first to want out.  So women are far more likely to be on the lookout for a suitable “next” partner, without cheating per se. 

This isn’t to say men’s eyes, minds and penis movements in the face of other women do not stray.  Far from it.  If no obstructions or consequences needed to be dealt with, more men would cheat.  However, as most men up until the age of 35 are to be found with better looking women (at least when the women are done up in public) than their own looks grade, most men develop a mentality that she is the best he can do.  When a man develops this mindset, he is less likely to, or believe he hold the tools to, attract other women and consequently cheat.

So if it is a fair bet to say that both sexes cheat at more or less the same rate, and women think about cheating more than men, why is it that, if you have lived in the same world as me, do you find that more women forgive men who cheat than the inverse situation?  I offer some reasons:

• Women are always on the lookout for signs that a man is more desirable than the level she actually sexually desires him herself, and this is linked to how most women settle for men who they are content with at best.  If this man cheats, although it may tear her heart into bits at first, after the tears have dried and the heart is less achy, it has actually proven to her that other women find her man attractive.  Ironic as it is, a man who has cheated on her is now a man she finds more attractive than before. 
• A high percentage of men who cheat will be high calibre men holding plenty of options with other women.  Similar to the above explanation, a woman doesn’t consciously want to be cheated on, but she is turned on by a man who could cheat on her with equal or better looking female rivals.  With this in mind, a high proportion of women would rather be with a higher calibre man who cheats, rather than a loyal, but unwanted, male partner alongside her.
• As women pass their mid 20’s, their appeal to the opposite sex starts to decrease.  Knowing they have fewer options, they may turn a blind eye to a man’s first offence of adultery.  “Can I do any better?”, she asks.   
• Jealousy and a lack of trust are emotions women use positively in finding men sexually appealing.  Even after she has found out about his adulterating misdemeanours, a woman can use this experience to weirdly find him a more valuable catch.
• On the other hand of jealousy and trust deficiency, a man does not use these habits productively, and it only manifests in him actually being detached from a woman who has caused him these feelings.  Women primarily need to look as physically attractive as feasibility allows them in order to keep their man interested, followed by loyalty, honesty, personality, sexual appetite, and good girlfriend/wife material instincts or processes. 
• Women love competition with other female rivals (and other female “friends”) in out-doing each other, becoming the most desirable, and in essence attracting the best quality men.  So when a man has cheated, a woman can use her forgiveness as a mindset to do one over the woman he shot his load inside.  “I’m the one he stayed with”, she may be saying to herself in vain or truthful hope she is the better woman.
• Despite belief to the contrary, men are in fact more sensitive in emotional (and some other) failings than women.  Women may dramatize, shout, scream and cry frequently to exploit victimization, but this is all for show and attention.  It’s no coincidence that more women threaten to commit suicide, whilst more men literally commit suicide.  So when this man - who based his love on loyalty, purity and faithfulness – finds out another man has deposited seed inside his all so perceived innocent female partner, the only way to erase all memories and hurt is to walk the other way.  

When the tables are turned

Much of the above is most pertinent to out of wedlock relationships.  Only just behind this is whether the woman and man have children.  Once married and/or with children, you may find that a considerably smaller percentage of women forgive men who cheated on them than prior to being husband and wife or mother and father.  With irony once more acknowledged, you may also find that a larger percentage of married men forgive women who have had it off with another male counterpart. 

Why is this the conceivable case?  Pure and simple, men, by clear majority and in the usual course of events, have more to lose if a divorce occurs, whilst women have far less to lose and more to gain if the marriage breaks down.  So although the man, if cheated on by his wife, is just as disgusted as he ever was before walking down the aisle, the financial implications and fatherhood responsibility that cannot be ignored may just reluctantly lean him towards forgiveness and hope for a better day.  Most men who get married also believe they cannot do better anyway, but this is another story for another day…

On the other hand, whilst a wifed up woman is still just as aroused by her man cheating, in comparison to as his girlfriend, she actually now has a hold on him to get out.  Her ego, reputation and wife credentials have been damaged by him not keeping his pants on, and the retribution she can inflict on him will often be a stronger lure than staying with the man she now finds more sexually into.

Q-tip:

This all gives further reinforced advice that, for men, there really is no sensible, beneficial, rewarding or necessary justification to get married.  Not only do you place yourself at major future risk, with no actual plus points to balance against, but you will also find that the wife you marry is less likely to take oversight to your willy wonker finding its way inside another woman, than before you verbalized the all so genuine vows.  As the wife and mother of your children, she also finds you less sexually attractive.  In true summary, the only link between love and marriage is paper and legal based.  There really is nothing a modern day man in the western world can’t have outside of marriage, in analysis to what he takes inside of marriage.         

The explanations behind weak, feminized and lapdog men

“Maybe we need to reach rock bottom before aspiring to even a glimmer of hope.”

Reader David Mayor - a newcomer to this blog and clearly a smart man – makes some accurate and totally truthful points on the back of this recent post he located on Women’s choices: men’s divorces:

I just ran across your blog. Really enjoying the content. 

I agree 100% with your view of men in Western society; they have been feminized, and turned into "lapdogs" as you say. And the irony is, despite the fact women always say they want guys to be more "sensitive", most women hold these type of men in contempt (though they seem to lack the introspection to realize that is the men's feminization that they are condemning) and are extremely unhappy with them. And the more "feminized" the guy, the more unhappy and unbalance he is. What a mess! The modern feminist movement has created a bunch of unhappy individuals; this is always the result when biology is denied and ignored. 

What's even scarier is I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. It seems like it is going to get much worse before people finally wake up and start rebuilding a normal, functioning society from the wreckage of our current dysfunctional, irrational society.

I thought this topic is worth exploring further, because whilst most people, women and men alike, appear totally comfortable in never realizing the reality or are oblivious to its phenomenon, the minority of society who are willing to accept this horrible evolvement perhaps never intricately or extensively explore the reasons behind the circumstance.    

One evening in Ottawa during my recent trip to North America, I ordered a pint and sausage casserole in a Scottish themed public house.  I decided to stay at the front bar to consume.  No more than a minute after placing my arse on the seat, a reasonably cute woman sat on the stool next to me and ordered herself a large red wine.  I started conversation with her after a few minutes (ensuring she heard my British accent beforehand for further attraction and inquisitiveness on her part), and straight away it was clear she had brains to back up her decent looks.  This is something you will find as you climb up the stairs of population – the bigger the city (at least once you are in the centre/downtown), the more likely the higher intelligence of the woman.

For whatever reason and discussion link, we started talking about relationship dynamics.  I told her in no uncertain terms that I thought the male/female relationship interface in this day and age is a predicament that I am not at all fond of.  That being, over the last generation at least, a significant increase in feminine men and a likewise emergence of masculine women.  I further added that the happiest and most genuine loving relationships are when the traditional role is performed – masculine man with feminine woman.

The expression on her face was quite something.  It wasn’t antagonistic or hostile denial, and instead it was almost a confused and bewildered look that amalgamated with her perceived breath of fresh air feeling and reserved satisfaction.  It was as if she had finally met someone who possessed the cojones to tell her what she (and millions of other women like her) truly desire.  She even verbally agreed with me, although this didn’t prevent her from mentioning, in slight ridicule, how perhaps society had got fed up with just seeing commercials of men in white t-shirts sporting big muscles.  What was I wearing that night?  A white t-shirt!  Do I have big muscles?  Far bigger than the average man.

Q-tip:

The woman misses the point, or she conveniently contrives her comment to somewhat justify the feminine ways in men.  Male masculinity, although undeniably assisted by good physical stature, is not primarily or proportionally dominated by a man’s physique.  It’s more about attitude and how he handles life and women.  In other words, a beefcake man who gives in to his female partner is far less masculine than a skinny man who has the fortitude, savviness and knowledge to work out the puzzle and put her in her rightful place.

This woman, who not until the end of the conversation did I find out was called Nicolette, had to go and meet her friend for dinner.  I was to set off to Montreal the following morning.  I sensed the disappointment on her face when we parted ways, with her saying “Maybe we will collide again one day.”  I just said “Maybe”, in full comprehension that there would be as much coincidental chance of us bumping into each other again as me winning the Euro millions. 

If the truth be told, I was also a bit disappointed.  Although she didn’t instinctively grab me by the gut, she was more than bangable.  When a woman has the rare ability to also mentally stimulate you, a 7/10 looks rated woman (as she was) is the equivalent mate appeal of an 8/10 woman with very little interesting to say.  At least after the first month, in any case.

But more than anything to take out of this conversation was the further, in real life motion, proof that women do actually desire to be with masculine men, and not weak, agreeable lapdogs.  As David commented, they just don’t tell men this, or they refuse to fully believe it to be the reality.

I offer you some food for thought to why men have become progressively more feminine, over the last 30 years especially, and in particular concern to why there is no suggestion of it decreasing in magnification:

Easier and incentivized divorce for women

By clear and vast majority, women are the first to want into marriage and the first to want out.  Fact.  Far fewer men (mainly loser men or men lacking in options with women) would get married if they had firm and foreseeable knowledge that they could have sex with many more women (women worth having) for many more years to come.

Due to feminism, equal rights campaigning, and poor laws in place, divorce has become easier and profitable for women who, most likely, married men they were never truly in love with.  As one party has more power in a marriage, they become stronger and, by no mean coincidence, more masculine.  As the other party risks losing children access, finances, equities and pension funds, they are the result of becoming more feminine.

Single female parentage

You only have to walk the streets, or just hear outside conversations, to know there are far more single parent set-ups.  In a western world where women want children as much, if not more, than ever, yet men have found alternatives to female companionship and commitment, the manifestation of this consequence is for more women to contrive pregnancies in hope of a happy ending.  Rarely is the ending happy, and off she goes in bringing the kids up herself.

On the biological basis that, give or take, half of new born babies are male, this will produce far more teenage boys in the responsibilities of inadequate female upbringing as every year passes by.  He may see his biological father on a part-time basis, but this doesn’t come close to the female dominated words, demeanour and belief he is brought up with.  When a young boy has no male role model guidance to nurse him through the muddy waters of an ever uninspiring world, the end product is a feminized male adult. 

Commercial exploitations of weak and inadequate men

So my friend in Ottawa says the society was fed up with advertisement of muscly, masculine men?  That sounds like a good deal better than what we see today.  In today’s commercial world, it is far more prominent in showing a nancy boy talking male, ridiculed by his female partner.

What good is this to the relationship necessities and agendas?  Not only does this make men feel worthless, but it allows them to believe this is now the norm – a passive and naive man in the face of a dominating, ridiculing woman.

Social media, reality television and media pressure impact on women

Facebook, Twitter, Instagram et al have all been a beast of horror to the production of the modern day woman.  It’s not like women from 15 years ago needed a helping hand to elevate their attention-seeking and ego enlargement requiring ways, but social media has took this to a new, repulsive level.  Men, being desperate and clueless, have no idea in how to counteract this monster.

The same can be applied for reality television and fashion magazines in the mentality of a woman.  In one way the female ego has never been bigger, but in another way the female mind has never been more self-conscious.  When you put these two factors in the same frying pan – high self-opinion, self-entitlement and materialism, simultaneous to nagging self-doubts – the natural process is to go fishing for things that make her feel better about herself.  That usually comes in the form of supplicated and provisioning men, or aka beta males.

When a woman is constantly feeding her need for attention and ego stroking, she will give off bait to fish who think they have a chance of a bite.  Of course, any man with half a brain knows that she is actually not attracted to men who bite the bait, and fully attracted to men who turn the other way or play her at her own game.  But as >90% of men stand by the wrongful belief that complimenting a woman and feeding her tummy is the best course of action, they naturally form into a weaker a man who goes along with what they think she wants.

Implications of divorce

Similar to the first point, men who choose to enter into marriage face economical, emotional and psychological damage that is far greater than the respective woman will incur when it all goes pear shaped.  As I’ve pointed out before on this blog, marriage (and kids) not only puts a man at risk in all the aforementioned items, but it also places him in a less powerful position than pre marriage.

Why?  A man outside of marriage can stand up to a woman, and put her right without much fear to the ramifications of a failed relationship.  In fact, any half-decent man should see a relationship breakdown as an opportunity to get on the saddle with a younger and hotter woman than the one he just split up with.

Then place this same man in a marriage, and worse still, with children to consider.  If he acts in the same way, the woman, whilst still preferring him sexually as firm over passive, has financial and legal bias on her side.  Deep down the husband knows this, and he surrenders much of the strong character he could portray before marriage.  Again, surrendering power results in weakness, agreeability, and a subconscious transcend from masculine to feminine. 

Men boxing above their weight in physical attractiveness

Now not for a minute am I saying that the general female physical attractiveness benchmark is more impressive than it was a couple of decades ago.  Obesity has put paid to this.  However, cosmetic enhancement does mean that for young women who look after themselves and stay in shape, in the right places the same naturally looking woman today can look more attractive than the equivalent of 20 years ago.  So in theory, there should be more 7s and 8s in existence (although there are days I doubt this is the case). 

With these 7s and 8s, there are far more of them than men (I predict, depending on the environment, this is nearly 10 fold more on average) of equivalent looks rating in gender terms relativity.  All this results in a huge pool of men of lesser looks, and lesser overall appeal value up until some place in the 30s, to strive hard for the pretty girls out there who still represent less than 10% of the overall female population (taking it as women between 16 to 40).

When men try too hard and attempt to seek women’s approval, once more, it gives women the power.  Women’s sexual inclinations hate this, but their egos do like the receiving of attention, gifts and compliments, therefore they turn a blind eye to the disgust in preference of the motives.   Ultimately, when men try too hard, chase too long, and become unchallenging, women only see a weak man.  The man who acts this way not only is seen upon as weak by the woman, but he becomes weak in his deliverables too.

David mentions that he sees no light at the end of the tunnel, and I agree sincerely with him.  If you take my points in turn: Fairer divorce laws show no sign in arriving, single female parentage will only increase as men choose not to commit, commercials will continue to ridicule men, social media and it’s ugly adversaries aren’t going anywhere soon, divorce implications are just as negative for men as before, and there will always be far more mediocre men than the numbers of decent women worth committing to.  What a mess, to pinch the phrase from him!

The only glimmer of hope I do see is in the way of less men now committing, and in turn choosing alternatives – porn, video games, hobbies, or even longer working hours – over long term female consideration.  If something like 70% of men in their 20s to mid-30s are not married, and let’s not forget that, in sensible terms based on a similar aged female partner, this is the only timeframe worth considering getting married (due to women ageing badly and physically deteriorating into figments of the once beautiful imagination), women in this same age bracket may start to act more charming, become less materialistic and expectant, and give men a more motivation to spend time with them.  And, if they have any sense at all, they will consider this transition as soon as possible.

But I don’t see this as much glimmer of hope.  Of the 30% of men who do get married in their 20s and 30s, I expect that the vast majority are committing to the top end (>6.5/10 female looks rating) women.  The 70% of men who aren’t getting married are either smart or can’t find a woman worth the sacrifice.  If I’m right on this assumption, the 30% of men referenced will only carry on acting in the manner that makes their wives drift away.      

More oddly matched couples

“Never assume that all is sweetness and light behind the dark curtains.”

I like to think that my level of perspective in life is a degree or two above the vast majority of people.  A lot to do with this is the result of encountering more than a few of life’s tribulations, but an equal or greater part is down to taking the time to understand how life illogically works, and turning it into amusement rather than frustration.  Nevertheless, after nearly three weeks travelling around North America in warm autumn sunshine, only then returning to cold, dark evenings and a thousand unopened work related e-mails, even my powers of context were tested for a few self-sympathized moments.  It soon passed, in the knowledge of what crappy things are going on in the world right now.

After returning to the UK on Thursday morning, I decided to go to bed at a normal hour that night in spite of the jet-lag making me feel like I could sleep for a week.  I set my alarm for 5.45am in eagerness to get back into the gym routine, but the reality hit home when the chimes rang through, and it changed to a decision of 8.15am.  After a dentist appointment, this resulted in hitting the weights at approximately 10.30am in the Derby centre – a time I rarely train at, or the venue I ever attend on a weekday.

Over the next hour, I encountered three relationship couple dynamics that all held equal trends whilst presenting pronounced differences.  I talk you through all of them:

Couple 1: “The Familiar Observation”   

As I walked out of the male changing rooms and past the female equivalent, there stood a nice looking cute girl hanging outside who looked about 26.  If the truth be told, she was just my type – pale white skin, quite pretty facially, 5ft 5” tall, long straight dark brown hair, and a curvaceous figure.  She was a solid cute girl of 7.5/10 overall physical attractiveness.  I recall whilst walking past her how she had that all too pre-determined process to ignore looking at me, pretty much meaning she had seen me beforehand and didn’t desire to show any interest that was there on her part.  As it turns out, this theory is only further reinforced by later events.

Barely 10 minutes into my session and I moved onto the squat bar where the free weights section is situated.  She walked over to a guy using the incline chest bar.  To me, he looked 10 years older than her.  He wasn’t bad looking (average to slightly above average facially), about 5ft 11” in height, and an above average body that could do with some toning if optimization was his objective.  6.75/10 I’ll give him overall.

There didn’t seem to be a great deal of chemistry between them, but it was fairly obvious they were together.  Straight away it signaled live in couple where sparks had vanished, but contentment and comfort with the arrangement was present.  He gains from a younger and hotter bit of crumpet, she gains from his likely higher wealth and status, along with the good ego feeling of his comparative lesser looks.

As I went upstairs, I caught her looking over in my direction as they left together.  No showers, just her waiting for him to grab his bag.  Training together on a random Friday morning…?  My guess is they are both in the police constabulary, with him being previously married and her being attracted to his higher status and accomplishment to prize him away from the wife.    

Couple 2: “Jerk Chaser”

About 30 minutes into the session, I needed to venture back over to the free weights area.  I walked past a nice looking blonde girl – white Caucasian, about 5ft 8”, long straight blonde hair, thin to curvy figure, natural big breasts, and a pretty face.  She looked 23 or 24.  Upper cute to lower hot. Go on then, I’ll give her the latter accolade and an overall mark of 8/10.  As we walked in opposite directions, she gave me some firm bed eyes.  She seemed quite sweet.  I assumed she had finished her work out and that I’d probably never see her again, even in this small city.  If I did, she would have been on my radar.

Some 10 minutes later and I finished off with a session on the boxing bags.  On one of the machines nearby was a guy who I label as a perennial jerk.  I’ve known of him for over 10 years.  He is on more steroids now than ever before (give or take a year, he is 34 in age), and for a white guy he is way over tanned to the point of looking the same shade as my garden fence coating.  Too many tattoos on both arms and legs - that can now barely be seen due to the darkness of his skin.  Not the best teeth at all, and a short guy of 5ft 7” at most.  All things considered, he is a 7/10 in the amalgamated looks factor grade.

On the other side appeared the blonde girl.  She looked like a person on the hunt for someone.  She started walking over to the bags, and my immediate anticipation was that her strategy would be to give me proximity indicators.  So low and behold, she goes up the tattooed jerk and smacks one on his lips!  There she stood at least an inch taller next to him, and bear in mind this is in trainers.

I’ll give him his dues, he acted just how men should do in the gym, and how they should generally act to be fair.  He was in no mood to talk to her and disrupt his workout, and off she went.  He carried on training beyond my stay, although I did then see him in the changing room when his phone went off.  I bet it was her, and his answer was certainly from the world of apathy over enthusiasm. 

Q-tip:

The reason a lot of jerks are popular with women, along with social status, danger and pre-selection, is because they are not brightest bulbs in the pack.  This guy epitomizes it.  I could be harsh and say he comes across as thick as pig-shit (whoops, I just did), but I’ll just say he isn’t the most articulate.  This lack of articulate language and abundance of denseness can be translated in a woman’s mind as a man who doesn’t give a shit, and this is what they find attractive.  Men who explain themselves too much, and those who show too much cultivation and care towards women, are often left presenting their portfolio as unattractive. 

Couple 3: Personal Trainer and Young Cute Girl

As I drew to a close, the personal trainer and another young girl walked towards the cross-trainer.  She pretty much replicated the blonde hair girl explained above in physical stature, with the distinctions being that this one was a brunette and no older than 21.  The personal trainer is a mixed-raced guy, not a tad over 5ft 6” tall, above average looking facially, and with a good body you would expect from a personal trainer without it being spectacular.  He also couldn’t be a day above 21.

At first I just put it down to another one of his clients (most probably giving her freebies due to her impressive looks), as over the last hour I had seen him with two other women.  Then I observed a little closer, and she was looking at him in mesmerized fashion as he explained things.  Bear in mind once more that she was looking down at him by a couple of inches when both on ground floor level.

As I left after no more than five minutes from their commencement, I couldn’t be certain these two were a couple.  However, the way she looked at him would suggest she wanted more, even if it is simply an ego boost born out of motivation in being the “chosen” one out of all his female clients.  The power of being a (low-paid) personal trainer probably warrants a dedicated post analysis in isolation, but over the years I’ve known of many average looking men who have taken advantage of this role with much better looking women.  Pre-selection has it written all over again.

Trends

On the basis of all the explained, it would be a fair argument against me to advocate that women are from all different angles, tastes and decision-making in terms of their attraction onto men.  I wouldn’t disagree with this.  What I would state is, even over three differing scenarios like these witnessed in a mere hour of my life, there are still trends, consistencies and normal course of events that can be drawn.

• Women above the age of 23 will, by clear majority, start to seek out a male provider – who is safer and less physically attractive than boyfriends from her younger years – as opposed to satisfying her optimum love and sexual satisfaction in a man.
• A minority of women above the age of 23 will not abide by securing a beta provider until their late 20s (sometimes even 30s).  Expect these women to be prominent in large populated cities as opposed to smaller towns (or cities with small town mentality – like Derby), where career orientation and status whoring goes on for a few years longer than the average woman.
• The smaller the town or city in population, the more “couply” the mindset of women (and men) becomes.  The larger the population, the higher the percentage of single female existence.  In other words, a small town manifests in women requiring a boyfriend due to their lower confidence and independent character traits, whilst a larger city somewhat eases the irritable feeling women face in being single due to more activities on offer.
• Younger women are attracted more to male social status, whilst older women are more attracted to male occupational status and wealth.
• The older the woman becomes, the more open she is to date a man who is a number of years older than her if there is something to gain from.  So a 25 year old woman is more likely to date a 35 year old man, than the same woman of 20 would have considered the same man of 30.
• All else on parity, women prefer men taller than themselves.  However, if other items can be drawn to the table like social status, most of them will put this principle to one side.
• Low in confidence women may even choose to pick a shorter man on assessment of safety, trust and self-required ego enlargement.  All else equal, a 6ft man is more physically attractive and appealing than a 5ft 8” man, but women will know the taller man of the two is far more sought after by other women, and he will consequently receive more attention and have greater options in the market.  With this knowledge, a contingency may be put in place to seek out a man who is shorter than her ideal sexual attraction stature. 
• Nearly all women prefer to date, be in relationships with, and marry men who are less physically attractive than they are by a noticeable and credible margin.  The majority of these women will think about cheating on their lesser looking male partner (ironically, more than their male partners think about cheating on them), and some will.

A final thought

I would have happily given all three of these women a go.  Admittedly, the youngest one would probably have given me reminisces of a youth club conversation, but I’d still have banged her.

The vast majority (I estimate at least 80%) of decent looking (7/10 or greater) women are taken.  This doesn’t mean that they are categorically happy or satisfied with their respective male partners, and in fact in most cases they won’t be, but the sheer fact they have someone does form an obstacle in her mind for pastures new, in particular pre-marriage.  As although the emotion of content, amalgamated with the lack of satisfaction, does make her irritable towards his existence, she will always wonder if she can do better over a longer term relationship consideration.  This is why most cute women (7/10 to 7.75/10) will dismiss dating good looking men - especially once these women are post 23 years of age.