Wednesday 26 February 2014

The status man: how he intervenes

“He who shows no emotion is seen by others as numb, tearless and care free to all obstacles thrown in front of his life.  Little do they know he is the one who needs to unlock this pressure gage more often than anyone, as all he craves for is for his heavy head to be released from the responsibilities he carries on his weighted shoulders.  And once alone, with the doors shut and keys hidden, he can finally be free to cry.”

 I was a slow learner in figuring out what a woman’s attraction was magnetized towards.  I don’t mind admitting that it took me until my mid 20s to realize the ways their minds ticked and how they were so different from men in this field.  Sure, I knew there were those who leaned towards a guy with money, or even some who did genuinely prefer personality before any other aspect.  But providing there was a group of men put in front of women, with similar backgrounds, intelligence and social skills, I thought they would always take preference towards the most handsome candidates.  I guess it’s better to understand later, than never at all.

Looking back, my obliviousness and naivety is a hard concept to accept when I analyze it in my current life.  I always had a strong fascination in other areas of the mind, whether this was in the form of observing attitudes in the workplace or the study of sports psychology.  As my father was a complex man with an unusual background – who came from the first generation of immigrants to the United Kingdom in the late 1960s – I tried, usually in vain, to comprehend why he acted the way he did.  With this in mind, it was slightly perplexing why I chose never to understand and learn the reasons behind female emotive decisions in a similar fashion.  Like many men of today, they dress up in the fallacy those women’s bad choices, manipulations and cunning plans, even if usually subconscious, are a sheer coincidence to life.

Physical appearance will always be the most important male attribute to get attention with women when they don’t know the men on a personal level.  With time constraints being the usual occurrence in social environments, a man’s looks are naturally what is most apparent and obvious to make an assessment on his sexual market value.    However, good looks for a man can also hold disadvantages.  Examples are negative perceptions, situations where she pre-rejects him due to jealousy of him being good looking, or an imperceptible, hostile and uncomfortable disposition of feeling lower value than him.  A physically attractive man will divide opinion and thoughts of women from all attractiveness scales, but he will usually have more opportunities to show he is a decent guy, or at least make her believe this.  An average looking man, in a situation where a woman doesn’t know him, has only a limited chance with women better looking than he is unless he displays a level of confidence, persona and interaction strategies that are greater in appeal than his natural mediocre looks.

However, there is another average looking male there to compete with.  So far, the blog has placed the most emphasis on the three different types of men who compete for attracting women:

  • Beta nice guy
  • Bad boy jerk
  • High value man

The sugar daddy in also placed in there somewhere too, although this kind of man is far more secluded.  No, there is a much more common player in the league.  He is the status man.

The status man is the guy within the workplace, and someone most people will have come across in at least one establishment they have worked for.  He’s usually anything from below average to average in physical attractiveness.  This is only true because if he was good looking he wouldn’t need to rely as much on his status to acquire female interest.  Quite often, but not always, he is older than his male competitors, as it can takes years to reach a high level within a company.  He tends to attain an element of arrogance to his personality, and this is leveraged through the power projected from him that is felt by others within the company.  It is fair to say many extreme beta males also acquire a high company position, but from my experience these men find the classic settled woman, they marry early on, and they never look elsewhere.  In truth, it is the cute office girl’s perception of his bad boy stigma that triggers her initial draw.  Outside of the office, the status guy has limited attraction, as without the authority of his position he has very little else to offer.  Once placed in a bar or health club, he really has no unique selling point to his sexual market value – as he holds a lack of identity or uniqueness to stand out in those arenas.

I worked for a construction company where there were hardly any women who worked there, and definitely no women of a high physical attractiveness.  Then along came the new human resources woman, in her mid 20s, who visited our site at least once a week.  The first time I saw her was actually when she was looking over in my direction, with a confident, yet awkward, smile.  The next couple of times I saw she glanced in my direction on both occasions, although it did appear to be in a more reserved and distant manner.  When I did finally engage with her, she made rejection reasons along the lines of having baggage from a recent ex-boyfriend, and that the time wasn’t right.  I totally put my hands up and confess that these were the days when I acted as beta as humanly possible, and game was nothing more than a meaning of my football team’s next fixture.  So to be frank, I probably would have failed no matter what due to trying too hard.

It turned out that the reason she gave me wasn’t the real reason at all.  She had in fact just started seeing the factory manager.  To put some context into how an attractive, young and fairly successful woman can find a status man desirable, this is the summary of him and his life at that particular time:

  • Below average looking (5/10 to be kind - with awful acne skin)
  • Two young boys aged 5 and 2
  • Another baby on the way in 3 months time
  • £60k salary
  • Sports car
  • Demeanour that highlighted confidence, slight arrogance and someone who stood up for himself
  • 10 years older than the human resource woman
  • He’d carried out the vasectomy operation

I’d like to think I’ve balanced up the positives and negatives in his life.  There’s definitely a lot of baggage there, but obviously he also had some positive factors in his favour too.  Within a couple of months, he had left his pregnant wife and two kids, he’d filed for divorce, and he’d bought a new house for the two of them to be together in.

So the begging question is: what is in it for her?  What would make a woman like this think it is all worthwhile?  I pinpoint it into these five factors:

Status / Image

The status shows influence and clout, and women within a company see these positive traits in their full glory every day.  She could actually see a better looking guy at her local gym, who earns even more money than the status man at her workplace, but this is unknown to her.  The status man is like the bad boy in her fantasy mind, with her forming a story in the dream to capture him.  She sees the way he conducts himself in a confident manner, and she is melted by this.  Because she sees these positive traits on a daily or weekly basis, the feelings grow, and he has a distinct advantage over a random guy she sees in a bar or a gym.


What she actually sees here is his earnings against all those other men in the company.  Strangely, if in a poorly paid industry, he may well be earning far less than the self-employed consultant at her night class.  But for now at least, she is living in the bubble of the company she works for, and she is only concerned that he earns more than the rest.  In this situation, the psychology of status and image is actually a bigger pull than the rewards of money in itself.


Take another look at this man’s life - married, kids and pregnant wife.  Now reverse the gender scenario, and if this was a man looking at a married and pregnant woman, with two children already in the fold, the word emotional baggage comes to mind.  This would be the case for most men, especially higher calibre men in the sexual market field - unless they are completely desperate or have been lacking in sexual relinquishments for a year.  So he would leave well alone, or just go for a short term satisfaction to suit his own needs and on his own terms.

Women are a different beast when it comes to situations like this.  What a man sees as baggage, a woman sees as a challenge.  She may have criticized a distant friend for doing something similar last year, or used despicable words to describe a man who leaves his pregnant wife, but the thought of knowing she has the pull and relative aptitude to capture a man from another woman, even in this situation, is the greatest conquest a woman can achieve in her mind.  Not every single woman is like this.  Some do have morals, and they would put them before their own satisfactions.  Unfortunately, a lot of women would repeat this exact same act.


A woman very rarely carries out any process in her life without it having an element of attention needs attached to it.  She may be infatuated by the guy, and she may seem a little awkward at first when walking past the managing director’s door, but never doubt the fact that she is enjoying the attention.  She knows the office is talking about her, and deep down she likes this.  To her, she believes her self-validation stock has risen.  It is as if she is the star role in the office drama.  As most women find it difficult to propel their own desirability to the watching public, this validation can be reached in their minds by securing a much higher status man.


Whist satisfying her desires of money, challenge and attention, along with being drawn in by the power delivered through his status, as he is an average looking guy she knows he will value her beauty and existence.  With him valuing her in this respect, she believes she has higher value than him.  There is enough challenge for her (unlike a traditional beta nice guy), but she can feel secure in herself to know she looks better in the picture frame.  In a bizarre but explainable way, a very good looking man in the same high status position may in fact find it more difficult to secure this woman than an the average looking male equivalent.  However, a good looking high status man within the company will be seen as a far more attractive proposition to her than a man below her own looks rating that she sees in the gym, a bar or the workplace.  In simple terms: if status, power and dominance are on the same level, most women will opt for a man less physically attractive than they are.  Nevertheless, a conscious awareness of a man’s positive status, power and dominance traits will help somewhat to erase her insecurities in being with a man of high scale looks.

It becomes clearer how a beautiful woman can find a man like this incredibly attractive and appealing.  What’s in it for him?  Let’s just say it starts in sex, and ends in “trophy girl”.  To an extent, it is also validating his value to the world.  Whilst he may not be great looking, or even excelled in personality or charisma terms, a man who secures a woman better looking than he is will believe he has succeeded.  As weak as it sounds, this is how some men measure their worthiness.  This act is most prevalent with the perennial status men in big cities.

Nevertheless, it’s more important to study the man himself, how he changes, and how it impacts on other men competing for similar women.  The female mind is pulled in by the perception of his supremacy, ignoring the flaws of his lack of looks as a consequence.  She’s further turned on by the challenge of capturing him in the early stages, with little concern of third party consequences.  She sees alpha traits conveyed in him in terms of confidence, independence and someone who knows what he wants in life.  His exploitation of control will get him there at all costs.  Amongst the dozens of single beta males in her office who idolize her looks every day, he is the leader in the pack who is worth pursuing.

So everything that attracted her towards him was originated from alpha characteristics.  But once captured, and over time, he actually turns beta within the relationship.  Remember, this man was only acting alpha in his job, and he has conceivably always acted beta with his previous wife and ex-girlfriends.  He brings home the pay cheque, he provides for the family, and he gets on with things.  This kind of man will probably have limited dating experience, especially since he settled down early.  Suddenly he finds himself with a younger and more attractive woman who he reeled in due to his working status.  The problem now is that he has to keep her and sustain the momentum of the relationship.  Fine, his confidence is high as he has secured a stunning woman, but his belief is that he has to maintain her interest in him in order for her to stay happy.  He knows he’s not the best looking man she could get, and he knows she will see more handsome men every day, so he believes his best strategy is through expensive gifts, luxurious holidays and a big house.  But the problem is that although he earns a decent monthly salary, he is far from a sugar daddy.  Take off his custody, child allowances and divorce settlements, and suddenly there isn’t too much left to pay for his new girlfriend’s engagement ring.  As every day passes, her level of challenge, attention and desirability in his status diminishes a little more.  And the money isn’t as abundant as she once thought, because she never would have considered the bigger picture.  Her material world is also one that doesn’t have a fairytale ending.  He starts to frustrate her, and slowly but surely her eyes begin to turn to younger alpha males out there.  She knows she isn’t getting any younger, she knows her sexual obsolescence is fast approaching – the main measuring metric of a woman’s sexual market value - and this older man is now not the great catch she thought he was when she first saw him swagger along the office corridor.  But the poor man is desperate to keep her, so he takes on another credit card, agrees with more and more of what she says as days go by, and loses his independence (that she found attractive from the first day) in order to pay for her needs.

Although many women have imperceptible awareness of their sexual appeal peaking in their early to mid 20s, many women who work in the distinctive office environments – as most women do – will actually start to attain a higher opinion of their overall self-value.  The reason behind this curious, but unsubstantiated, thought process is due to the large volume of moderate status beta males close to their vicinity.  As men of this kind are known for supplication and sycophancy, it is little wonder the female ego will be inflated beyond the level of objectivity.  Whilst women have no visceral feelings for these men, they are hardly going to decline the attention and compliments, therefore these workplaces only assist in making the world, in heterosexual relationship terms, a less happy place.  In moderation, relationships between women and men are far more successful and destined for longevity when the former is challenged, tested and not treated like a princess by the latter.  Nevertheless, these venues that are predominant in males acting this way further open the door for the higher status men - even if they are beta males themselves.

A story like this one rarely has a happy ending.  The two of them just grow old and unhappy, or the once beautiful woman packs her suitcase and jettisons from the relationship.  Sometimes even the man in this dynamic faces up to his mistakes.  It becomes nothing more than an emblematic beta male with attractive woman dynamic.  Basically, it is just another woman someone like me found desirable, only to later just feel emotions of pity.  I swear on my late father’s life that I take no satisfaction in seeing people unhappy, even if they did hurt young children along the way.

Status, and the command it projects, is certainly not confined to the office dominated workplace - where women typically above the age of 23 hold rigorous lure towards these men.  Although co-habiting environments that are widespread below the female age of 23 – mainly nightclubs, colleges and universities – are more with regard to inclinations of physical attraction above other sexual market value metrics, a male with high social status has instant identified validation and governance superseding any of his competitors.  Someone only needs to observe the ways women are drawn towards football quarterbacks, club promoters, bartenders and DJs in illustrating evidence to how popular figureheads are considered.  These men can be average looking or even ugly, but the proof of pre-selection due to being surrounded by attention seeking members of the opposite sex, in conjunction with the knowledge that a coveted girlfriend will escalate a woman’s perceived importance, propels a man in this position’s charm by significant volumes.  Low paid male fitness trainers in health clubs can also elevate their attraction onto women, as they are seen as the centre of focus from women having a good time with them.  Other women pick up on the smiles and laughter, and this reinforces their draw.  Even in the night scene venues – where physical allure rules above all – a man in a commanding role who is nothing more than average looking will accomplish far more profit than a very good looking man who is blending in with the crowd. 

It would take a foolish man to believe a woman claiming she cannot hold predilections to a man who is swarmed by women due to the benefit of his social status.  If he hears words to this effect, it would be advisable to assume the precise opposite, because given an opportunity she would be by the side of a publicly widely held man without a moment of hesitation.  Money only has negligible relativity to people’s fascination of a local, high social status man.  Social status is a free passage to importance, external admiration, significance, positive reputation, local fame, and most of all, attraction. 

As a final sub-plot to the story about the status man and the human resources woman, the ex-wife of his was being sexually pleasured by my friend some years ago.  He would most likely have been babysitting at the same time as writing out three child allowance payments.  I guess in the extraordinary way life works, the sexual market playing field does go round in circles.

Sunday 23 February 2014

Female and male partner selection process

“Would a swallow choose a fish that doesn’t bite a hundred seeking maggots,
or a fish that bites the only maggot chasing it?”

True to the complex system of mate selection, women and men come from worlds apart in consideration to their ultimate decision-making in picking out members of the opposite sex.  In truth, very few men in percentage terms do the choosing per se.  They, in the main, do the instigating and chasing, but that is different to the choosing.  What men actually do is pro-act with a woman for her to then make the choice to whether he is suitable for her. 

Of course there are a minority of men who can select the woman they want.  Take a young famous sports star for example.  There will be far more women seeking him than there are women he can simultaneously deal with.  This whole supply and demand process plays right into his hands.  To a lesser magnitude, a man sitting as a high executive in a corporation with many female workers also has the dilemma of choices, although his likely older age (40+) and family baggage – in likelihood of losing his wife, kids and finances - perhaps doesn’t allow him to take full advantage of the apparent luxuries.  Men of extreme blessed physical attractiveness – with no high level of fame, status or wealth to accompany - will have an array of female admirers, but this rarely transcends back into an abundance of choices with these women for long term relationships.  A man in this position will have to settle for satisfying some of those willing in shorter flings, isolated opportunities with women confident enough to date him, or be happy with what the single life offers in comparison to the restrictions he sees for himself that are put upon his married male friends.  

But as this blog is far more interested in the 99%+ of regular people out there (yes ladies, even those of you who think you’re above and beyond are exactly in this bracket), I will disregard the celebrity and fame element in preference of focusing on the real world.  Good for those who do live in the bubble I allude to, but it will catch up with them one day too.

First, we start with the men.  This is a simple process:

Male Selection Process

Do I find her physically attractive?
If yes, do I like her personality?
If no, pursue & use for sexual enjoyment / hope things improve
If yes, could I see her as girlfriend material
If yes to all the above, venture onto potential  LTR 



Now we take a look at how women view the same process:
Female Selection Process

Do I find him physically attractive?

If no, do I find him repulsive looking?

If repulsive, does he have other desirables in huge amounts?

If no, dismiss.  If yes, venture on & hope the most
If “no” to repulsive, does he have other desirable metrics?
If no, dismiss unless I believe I can do no better
If yes to above question, venture onto potential LTR
If yes to Q1, is he less or more physically attractive than me?
If less eye catching, does he have other desirable metrics?
If no, short term fling or venture until better option arrives
If yes, venture onto potential  LTR
If more physically attractive, does he have other desirables?
If no, dismiss
If yes, are these desirables mainly status, wealth & attitude?
If no, dismiss
If yes, can my ego cope with him being more eye-catching?
If no, reluctantly dismiss
If yes, reluctantly accept & hope discomfort eases over time









The length of the table for each gender assessment tells its own story.  The female Q&A’s are almost 4 times greater than the male equivalent.  This is just an abbreviated version too, because it would be fair to say many women would lay down questions related to personality, reliability and commitment - to mention only three.  Naturally, the answers are dictated by the quality and selectiveness of the appropriate candidate.  A woman who requires boyfriend validation in her life is far more likely to find a partner by asking less questions than a career orientated “girls-girl”.  In the former case, her default need to be constantly alongside a man manifests in being less picky.  In the case of the latter, she will have higher bars for him to jump over even though her lure to find a man will be equally as strong.  Now this may just be a simple devised table produced by a simple guy like me, but let it be said that this is how nearly every woman and man thinks when contemplating a liaison with one so beautiful or not. 

Simply concluded:

A man will desire sexual attraction when looking at a woman (or in low calibre male cases, enough to establish a sexual arousal), and anything above that is only relevant when he considers the longer haul.  There are thousands of men out there with head turning women where she can barely articulate a sensible sentence, so even the need for female endearing personality is limited to an extent. 

Women need to consider far more elements when assessing future mates from the opposite sex.  Like men, they start with the visuals, but their minds quickly and significantly surpass the first view thoughts.  You will notice 4 red stages that illustrate the point of finding someone for potential long term relationship material:

The first stage is a man she is repulsed with but who offers enormous motivations in the form of wealth and status.  If he’s a great guy too, well I’m sure this alone will make up for his big beer gut and droopy man tits. 

The second red stage will be when she finds her typical average looking man who is a decent run of the mill guy.  Lower quality or short in confidence women will be happy to have a man from these questions alone, and they offer much more leeway due to sparse options in the field.  More selective women will sometimes take on a man who doesn’t sexually turn her on because of the other components he can supply as a male partner in his entirety.

The third stage is most women’s ideal scenario.  She has an immediate visceral predilection for his look, but he isn’t as physically attractive as she is.  If he doesn’t offer much more beyond the visuals, this is typical of a rugged looking bad boy alongside a very cute or hot woman.  She benefits from his popularity, social status and comparative inferior physical features.  It’s short term gain with perhaps longer term pain.  But when a man offers a woman intimate projected attraction and an array of other metrics, yet he is still that ideal 10% to 15% less striking to the eye than her relativity, he’s what is called in the sexual market as a woman’s dream ticket.  She gains the lot – all the attributes he can offer without damaging her ego.

This leads nicely onto the last way she can find “happiness”.  Nearly every woman doesn’t take comfort in being with a man who is more physically attractive than her, but there is still a minority percentage (15% to 20%) of the female society who will not necessarily dismiss him on this factor alone.  However, to compensate for this irritable feeling she possesses, a man of high aesthetic value will be in a far better bargaining position when he throws other items on the table that women like.  Even this isn’t always enough with many women, but if he is high scale in personality, charisma, status and wealth, he consequently now has many of those women who were once willing in admiration but reluctant in acceptance leaning towards his appeal.  From my personal experience, I would estimate this pre-conceived rejection percentage to fall from 85% to 50% if the woman looking on sees something in it for herself. 

So there you have it.  Once again it shows how much harder it is for a man to satisfy a woman in respect to the inverse.  But in all fairness, men only have themselves to blame for this predicament, because if less men acted so supplicated, giving and passive, fewer women would get to the exert the breadths and depths of this selection criteria.  It would all filter down to devise a happier sexual marketplace.  Though women are loathed to admit it, they long for a man who actually validates them.  It makes them try harder to please him, and it is full proof of his value to the world of possessed options.  

This non-supplicated manner doesn’t always need to be in the form of options with women too.  A man can illustrate his diversity of interests in life, and the woman he is with must fight for his time and attention.  Ultimately, the female mind has more positive emotions when seeking acceptance is predominant in a timescale of the relationship or interaction with a man.  Only intermittently does a woman require her man to feel worthy to be with her. 

Wednesday 19 February 2014

The nice guy will always get his chance

“Every so often we choose to flirt with the chase of love, and rarely do we have any concern to who we hurt on the way.  Often this comes as a result of being the past recipient of pain, and we feel it is a duty to return the favour.  Never do we stop to think this serving of emotional destruction would be something our new compatriot would ever consider, but instead we tar the entire group with the same brush.  Maybe this is a game of averages, and one day the game will stop on both counts.  Maybe the day this happens is best described as true love.”

I’m a romantic.  I love to be in love.  I love to give a woman attention when she deserves it or when she has acted accordingly, and I love the feeling that goes with it when I see her smile.  I love women, and I love them to be in my thoughts throughout the whole of my day.  Love is my life, and the love of a woman is my world.  But for the life of me, I cannot allow them to be aware of this.

The above paragraph is exactly how I feel.  Until recent years, that whole paragraph, minus the last sentence, was how I would act in the presence of a woman I loved, or a woman I craved to love.  Without the last sentence is representative of how a beta male thinks.  With the last sentence added on, it is the illustration of a fundamental beta male, but someone who has realized through experience and emotional psychology study that this view is the only way to be someone who can capture women, and consequently keep them interested.  Ultimately, it is a transition from a man who previously believed in the blue pill of life, only to draw from experiences and acceptance of the real world in finally removing all fallacies and false belief that women will reward a man if he rewards them constantly.  Nothing could be further from the truth.

In my view, most alpha males have been beta males in a previous era.  There is a small minority of men who from day one will have just had those alpha instincts when interacting with women, and in turn they have always been successful in this respect.  The problem in the early days is this: guys tend not so much to be a definition of alpha or beta.  They instead act in an alpha or beta way, depending on how the women he is with races his heart.  In other words, take two differing scenarios: the first one involves a guy with a woman he is interested in but not someone who exactly infatuates him.  She may be a conscious or subconscious safe act after a recent bad experience.  It’s the opposite of a physically attractive woman dating an average looking guy after her recent break-up.  In this case he isn’t afraid to lose her, and he performs alpha processes like seeing other women, living his own life, being relatively selfish in making himself the centre of his universe, and making her only a small priority in his world.  Now place the same guy with a girl who has aroused him emotionally and sexually from day one.  He is stimulated by her sheer existence, and he doesn’t have any inclination to be with any other women.  He unknowingly idolizes her, he gives her all his time, and he never argues with her.  She may appreciate this in the early days, but before he knows it she sees him as a next to no challenge, irrespective of how good looking or high value he is. So if you are that good looking man who gets ditched, only to see her the following month with a guy significantly less physically  attractive than you, the chances are that you acted in a beta manner.  The less attractive guy has given her an immediate challenge, even if this is only to capture her, and he then has the opportunity to use his game and strategy to keep her.  A guy in possession with the girl has his destiny in his own hands.  Sure, he may mess it up, but up until these deficient moves, he is still in a more powerful position than any other guy seeking her approval.

Now as well as the type of girl determining whether a guy acts beta or alpha, another factor is man’s mental state in that period of his life.  Most men are taught to be good people, and by doing so he will reap the rewards.  I went through a phase in my life where One Tree Hill, a teen drama (but one that I believe was mentally years above its main audience), was my favourite programme to watch.  I could hardly spend a day not thinking about the relative themes or characters, and it appeared to be a major part of my life.  But my point is this: it allowed the audience to believe that bad guys could turn into nice guys, and consequently acquire girls by doing so.  It would emphasize how attracted a girl would become with him performing all these beta traits, like constantly telling her he loved her and that she was all he ever needed in his life.  For a period of time I truly and genuinely believed this was the only way to attract and maintain a girlfriend.  Honesty, integrity, selflessness, prioritizing and idolizing her would be the resultant misconception.  When I look back now, I have a vision of millions of females switching off the TV, and at the end of an episode saying words along the lines of “oh, isn’t Lucas so sweet.  I would love a guy to treat me like this”.  But here lies the whole point of the majority of women’s minds in male attraction.  What they think they want in their fictitious mind is the opposite of what they want in reality.  In their fiction world they need to be placed on a pedestal, but in reality they want a challenge.  In fiction they look for him to constantly be saying “I love you”, but in reality they need to only hear it intermittently.  In fiction they need him to act all lovely, nice, clean and beta style, yet in reality it is edgy, somewhat selfish, independent and alpha.  Women want their own way, but they want to have to fight to get their own way.

Unfortunately, most men just feel like their supplicated and helping hand ways will eventually lead women into their arms.  This kind of man tries to turn a blind eye to his own knowledge that she is attracted to bad boys.  He naively convinces himself, almost like the woman he loves, that this is simply bad luck or coincidence and that she will grow out of being drawn towards them.  Now he carries on being the nice guy, almost in vain hope that one day an apple will fall off the tree, hit her in the temple, and bang, all she wants from now on are the nice guys like him.

Most nice guys will get an opportunity with the type of women they spend effort in acquiring.  Even attractive women who do not have instinctive sexual attraction towards a nice guy will feel they deserve one for a period of time.  The likelihood is this is after a couple of jerks have treated her badly.  It could also be after dating a handsome high value man who actually didn’t treat her badly, but they in fact acted alpha in the way of not prioritizing her, and interacting with other women - therefore making her feel less value in herself.  So now she believes, whilst never admitting to it, that it is time to find that typical man who will treat her like a princess, be her life puppet, and bow down to her emotional needs accordingly.  She bypasses in her mind that he cannot give her true emotional chemistry, and she also has the view that by him being a couple of levels below her in the visual impressiveness scale, he will never do any better than her.  Some women can manipulate this situation and are usually fully aware of it.  They just deny it in their minds in order to maintain their morals and belief in these men being the right suitability.

When the beta male does start dating the attractive woman, to start with it is all rosy in the garden.  The things he does for her outweigh the main negative aspect, which is the lack of chemistry.  At this point his beta characteristics make her feel like the princess she feels she is justified to be.  It is all about her at this stage, and as he is just a natural follower with understandable sexual compulsions.  He is happy to have someone who is he boxing above his weight with.  But sooner rather than later the positives become negatives in her mind.  What was once him idolizing her is now her an irritable disgust.  Where she once saw as him as a great guy giving her all his time, she now sees him as a person with no life of his own.  Where she used to enjoy being idolized, she now observes him as lack of challenge.  And what was once safety, in terms of knowing he couldn’t do better, makes her now desire someone who other women do find attractive.  Over time, this innocent, genuine nice guy has succeeded in evolving as a bête noire in her mind.

It is a similar analysis to a good looking man being emotionally involved with a woman less physically attractive than he is.  At first everything is fine because she gives him an easy relationship, both in psychological endeavour and sexual offering terms.  This comes along without the games and drama that the better looking ex-girlfriends would have inflicted on him.  He knows she respects and thinks the world of him, along with good conversation and feelings towards his needs, and whilst the physical arousal side of things is at the high level stage he probably wonders why he never made a conscious decision to date more of these types of women.  But over time the human mind takes over and works a self-regulating format, and he starts to, often unaware, glance more frequently at prettier women walking past.  Question marks evaporate in forming whether he could do better for himself, and as every day passes by, his less attractive girlfriend becomes more of a hindrance than an anticipation to see her at the end of the day.  Temptations are harder to resist, and there is rarely a happy ending for the woman involved in this dynamic.  Whilst women place less emphasis on a man’s looks than a man does on female beauty, this doesn’t prevent a physically impressive woman from also going through this thought process when in a relationship with an uglier man.

The whole problem with the attractive woman and average looking beta male situation is that she has based her whole strategy on needing to feel better about herself.  She jumped over the most important stage of any relationship - this being that initial attraction.  Sure, there may be cases where her urge to settle down and have children overpowers her desire above any other criteria a male can offer, but decisions of this nature will come back to haunt her one day.

From a man’s perspective, as he gets older, he realizes looks only play a small part in maintaining a relationship.  It is the most important part when not knowing someone (although it can have disadvantages too), but beyond initial impressions it is not as strong a playing card as many men believe it to be.  An average looking alpha man will almost always beat his good looking beta competitor.  Believe me, I was the latter for many years, losing out to the former.  I guess an average looking guy without game will always have a natural inclination to treat his pretty girlfriend like a queen.  He’ll just do anything to keep her.  But in truth, unless he had an abundance of money, I don’t recall one single scenario where an average looking man, who acted in a beta way, held onto his attractive woman.  The only exception would be if she became pregnant or had a rapid decline in her sexual market value – this mainly being her looks.

So when you do see that stunning woman walking alongside her less attractive male counterpart, the likelihood is it is one of five cases:

  • They have only just met and she is in the idolizing requirement phase.
  • She is beyond the pedestal placement phase and is looking to move on from him.
  • He is an average looker, but has an abundance of alpha traits and game.
  • He is cash loaded.
  • Due to her low self-esteem, she only has confidence to date safe male bets.      

People may not appreciate this analogy, but the sexual market is a buyers and sellers dynamic.  For a limited time, a woman’s stock is high, and she has to find a way to maximize her price to sell to the highest bidder – the highest bidder being the highest calibre of man.  Men, as the purchasers, are left with a dilemma: they can buy at the highest price in order to fight off other bidders, or they can put in a bid that allows for impending depreciation.  Any purchase comes with a cost in preserving its value.  So the truth is men often pay over the odds, both in purchase and preservation costs, only to later accept that they maybe could have put in a lower price for something that turned out better and had lower maintenances.  The main difference with the sexual market and this analogy is that once the commodity is beyond repair, the buyer cannot claw back any of the losses.    

With all this in mind, nice guys who feel the need to go the extra mile may take comfort in how women speak about their requirements in comparison to their ultimate selections.  Their male check list can sometimes seem like it is infinite, but then sexual evolution, and often reduced egos, make them face the burden of real life.  There are hardly any men who can tick off all the female boxes, and there are barely any women who have a sexual market value to demand all this.  When all is said and done, a large element of compromise and reality is the only option for a woman desiring to avoid an indefinite single life. 

Sunday 16 February 2014

Men’s basic errors with excessive and premature displays of love

“Behind the happiness is a construed weakness, and once a frailty is detected,
the enemy can strike when most unexpected.”

Now that Valentine’s Day is well and truly in the distant memory of women’s five minute gratifying timeframe, perhaps we can get back to the real world in place of the millions of wasted red roses sent by men who will soon be ditched.  Pharrell Williams may have made a recent fortune from his recent “Happy” hit, but men shouldn’t let this cloud their judgment into how far to take this view when in direct interface with their girlfriends or women they are trying too hard to attract.

One of the great circumstances of social network sites is the photographs and comments seen on women’s and men’s pages.  A picture paints a thousand words in the proverbial sense, but a comment digs deep into the truth behind the literature.  The vast majority of people don’t have peripheral vision and an astute mind to find the true meanings gained from what lies beneath the surface, so they go on their merry way in belief all is genuine.  People like me scrape out the glib statements and fake pictures to form what is called reality.

Take a look at each of these 3 profile pictures.  Granted, they're only mug shots, so you'll have to take my word for it on body profile and height criteria to the overall physical attractiveness of each person.  I’m Facebook “friends” with all 3 men, and I know their respective girlfriends in some way, shape or form, so leave it with me to fill in the blanks against the face values.

The young woman and man are aged 20 and 21 respectively.  In my view, they are a good couple because both of them are warm-hearted human beings.  He’s a perennial nice guy, and she’s the typical “homely girl”.  If I was to tell you that she hasn’t even been out on half a dozen girls’ nights out over the last 3 years (her prime going out years), then this will tell you all to know about her preferences for a boyfriend over female friendship time.  A lot to do with this is her irritable feeling to see hotter women – most likely when all her rivals are glamoured up in bars and clubs – so a cuddly night in with a boyfriend mitigates this discomforting thought.  Not that she’s adverse to visions of more edgy guys.  Without going too much into it, I know of one man she tried to escalate sexual attraction with.  Even if I say so myself, the man I reference is one hell of a catch!

The physical attractiveness parity is a rarity.  Although it is far more common at this particular age to see a woman with an equal looking partner, it is still a minority occurrence.  For me, they both hit a 7.25/10 grade.  If straws were to be clutched, he may even shade it up to 7.5/10.  Nevertheless, you don’t see this vision too often.  With this in mind, it can leave people scratching their heads a little when he showers her with gifts come birthdays, Christmas, Valentines or any other given day of the year, but I’m not going to be too critical here.  At his age, and with similar looking young women, I was making these exact same mistakes.  Not once did it leave them liking me any more than they did through natural feelings.

There is mutual common ground, personality, low confidence and unconditional love with this couple.  There are certainly no guarantees in the world of love and hate, but I think this is a relationship that has as much chance to work out indefinitely as any other out there.  If anything, she is the one who has the most to worry about.  As every day passes by, and with the absence of marriage, the balance of power in this bond shifts imperceptibly towards him.  With his sexual market value metrics increasing over time – mainly wealth and status – in addition to his already perfectly placed above average looks, a hotter woman is well within his grasp if when boredom kicks in.

******Picture Removed******

With this couple, we are almost doubling the age of both involved.  She is 35, and he’s a few years older.  Having seen the pictures from her younger self of 10 years previous, they were very impressive.  She has never had kids.  Unfortunately, and through no fault of her own, sexual evolution takes no prisoners on women once they pass the sign of 25.  Needless to say, in the space of 10 years she has gone from being hot to not.  Although she’s still reasonably cute for a woman of her age, I would expect, to her, the nagging sight of her prime beauty holds more resentment than embraced memories. 

Women at this age, and especially those who were once hot, are vulnerable to self-pity, self-doubts and, most of all, a need to feed the ego and still feel wanted.  A woman in this situation is all the more going to look for a man who, whilst decent looking in a certain way, is noticeably less eye catching than her.  Expect women of this type to come out with statements of preferring men with no hair. A free interpretation to this is that no decent looking man (ironically usually with stylish hair) is going to find her attractive enough to date, so her plausible deniability allows the mind to believe she is the one dismissing these better looking men.  I had a friend whose wife claimed she preferred men with no hair on top, yet when he was away with work she was offering me a free body massage.  He’s lucky I’m a “bros before hoes” kind of guy, as many others would have taken advantage.  Watch what women do before believing what they say…  

The man in this dynamic has a heart of gold but an inability to think outside of the box.  The day he met her was the day he changed his status to “In a Relationship”.  As much as he may have got carried away in the moment, you can only wonder who may have edged him in this direction.   After less than 3 weeks together, he was posting endless photos of the two of them and adding public status comments that illustrated she was his “babe”.  Even now (2 months into the relationship), she hasn’t changed her relationship status to his equivalent.  If ever there is someone showing a woman how easy it is for her to capture him, this is your man.  And of course all this goes against what women need (not what they say), in their requirement of a challenge, to earn a man’s love and trust, to wonder if she is good enough for him, and to try that little harder to ensure he maintains a stimulated mindset in being with her.

This relationship only has one saving grace for it to work out – the woman’s age and her consequent inner force to settle down quickly.  As her options with other men will be limited simultaneous to the self-opinion still being high, a man who makes her precious inside has more leeway than if she was that hot woman over 10 years ago.  A man who continues with supplication, time and endeavour projected onto her susceptible reflection can buy time that a man couldn’t purchase who is with a younger woman with an array of male followers.  But this is the only positive going for the couple.  My better judgment tells me she will chew him up and spit him out once there is nothing left in it for her.  You can’t help but think he’s a stop-gap.  It’s amazing how less important a boyfriend becomes to a woman once Christmas, New Year and Valentine’s Day have been passed.

This couple offers a sight that is all so common to observers of real life.  She has recently celebrated her 21st birthday, and he’s a couple of years older.  As you can see, whilst she is no head turner to men with options, she is a cute girl.  Her curvaceous body could entertain even a guy like me for a couple of passionate sessions before hoping to hell she didn’t take note of my postcode, and an overall 7.5/10 physical attractiveness rating could be seen as a little generous but not outrageously high.  However, one thing is for sure is that he’s boxing a good 25% above his own blessings, and this exceeds the usual 10% to 15% seen with most couples below the female age of 40.  This heavy differential acts as a natural default for a man in this position to try harder and harder to make the woman love him and stay with him.  These are just two comments she posted over Christmas:

“I have had the best Christmas spent with the best people. I've been truly spoilt by my amazing boyfriend, family and friends. Love to you all”

“Could my J**** get any more perfect  Can't wait to go to winter wonderland tomorrow, and I LOVE my iPad”

The first thing to say about comments of this nature – a boyfriend overspending on his girlfriend – is that these words are promotion of her own significance as opposed to her gratitude.  What she is really saying is that she must be worth a million dollars for a naïve man to do all these things for her.  But men, and in particular men who know they can do no better, are happy to play Russian Roulette in hope she saviours every last drop of his generosity.  But women being women, short memories and idealistic views of the world to match, only appreciate these acts on a short term basis.  When he slips up, do you think she will remember all the great things he did for her over the festive season?  When she finds a more sexually attractive man pursuing her, do you think he will need to exert all the same efforts as the current boyfriend with the goofy grin? 

What you find with women in this compartment are female characters who don’t truly comprehend their place in the world.  They are neither extreme “girl’s girls” nor “homely girls”.  This woman’s social network pictures back it all up.  She is seen on many nights out with her female peers, but due to belonging to a group where hotter women are to be found, the attention she will receive on an average night out will be limited in context to the others.  This is where a prince who idolizes her comes into it.  She has the natural inclinations that sit with her to go out and see what’s better in male calibre, but there is the fall back package in him waiting for her when doubts creep in and validation is a growing urge.  This is why you will often see women meet up with their lesser looking boyfriends later on in the night.  But this is only once she has text him.  If he turned up unannounced, and it was on a particular night she met someone who arouses her to a greater level, she will not appreciate his loving surprise.

A man who tries too hard is a man waiting for an inevitable car crash to happen.  No amount of money, love, time, care, consideration and commitment can make up for a woman who has concerns that she doesn’t feel butterflies.  This is all the more relevant for women at a young age.  At a more mature age, women will trade the negative aspects found in less desired men because these are the men who can supply them with a wedding day and children.  But women with options, as this girl still has at 21, are likely to look elsewhere until they are totally convinced the man they are with is as good as they will find.  With all this in mind, I very much doubt the young man above will be parting with cash next Christmas with this woman.  He’ll probably be doing it with someone else taking him for a sucker.

You may have noticed a common denominator in the facial expressions of all 3 men.  As a writer of a blog which is fundamentally aimed at advising men to make efficient decisions that ultimately make women like them more, these sights leave me as frustrated as they do amused.  That is, men who look happier than their girlfriends in the portrait.  If you don’t believe me in terms of the deficiencies to acts of this kind, take a look at the link at the bottom of this post.  The excessively happy vision as shown by all 3 men offers nothing beneficial other than inflating a woman’s ego.  For every time she logs on and sees this picture, she sees a man who appears so exhilarated to be with her.  British men don’t have great teeth at best of times, and some of them are so bad that they could bite an apple through a tennis racquet.  So why they would go out of their way to show their crowns bewilders me.

Again, a woman thrives on not quite knowing how a man feels about her, and she never truthfully wants to believe she has him in the palm of her hands.  I can certainly speak from first-hand experience, as those chasing my love have always come running back for more.  When I’ve shown my cards too soon and too blatantly, they have portrayed the smiling but irritable face of taking the challenge away from them. 

A man’s exploitation of happiness doesn’t necessarily rub off on his respective female partner’s happiness.  Women want confident, positive, optimistic and decisive men, but this doesn’t mean they want passive and agreeable men who are illustrating too much of a happy demeanour.

Basic social network strategy principles:
  •  A man should never ever change his status to “In a Relationship” until his girlfriend has done the same.
  • A man should never look happier in a photograph than the woman he is with.
  • A man should post no more than half the amount of photos of him and his girlfriend in respect to the number of photos that she has posted of the couple.  I would go beyond this and advocate the 1:4 ratio.
  • Further to the above, a man should absolutely never, under no circumstances whatsoever, post photographs of his girlfriend posing on her own.  Guy number 2 does this.  Really, what kind of message does it send out?
  • A man should never get involved in all the “wall” comments on his girlfriends page.
  • A man should abide by never looking at his girlfriend’s social network page.

 You will often find men looking happier than their female partners at a younger dating age – from 16 to 25.  This dynamic then takes a turn of events.  As the relationship passes the age of 30, you will see more women looking happier than the man they are with.  Why is this?  Pure and simple: he doesn’t appreciate her as much as he did due to her declining beauty and the strains of providing.  This isn’t to say there are loads of women walking around happier as they get older, but it is relative to the man’s “hero to zero” fluctuation of emotions in now being tied down.  Usually, both parties look equally miserable.  You’ve just got to hope those good days were a trade for the predicaments that arrive today.

A man’s mission in his romantic life is not to make a woman feel good about herself, and instead it is his objective to make her feel good about being with him.  The words may be similar, but the meanings are worlds apart.  Basically, almost every woman has doubts, insecurities and question marks on her worth during almost every day in a lifetime, so to counteract these weaknesses she will go searching for ways to feel alive and valuable.  This practice will include fishing for compliments and hoping men show her how credible she is to the world. 

However, against this process comes a greater need to be challenged by a man, and the minority of men who do act against the grain – by refrained supplication and sycophancy – are the men they ultimately love and respect the most.  In contrast, the sad truth is they take the men who are habitual in constant female promotion for granted.  Only when a woman does evidently require a level of self-esteem elevation, that consequently benefits the male partner she is with too, should a man even think to make her feel good about herself in precedence to the empathetic mentality she should be adopting in concern to the relationship per se, and not her individual life.  Unfortunately for most men, the periods when nice words and gestures are necessary are when they start to appreciate their girlfriends or wives that little bit less.

Acknowledgements and further reading