Tuesday 19 January 2021

Women’s conundrum: To love thy man or to love thy self?


“Let the things you love be an escape.”


It is a topic that even I don’t go many days without asking myself.  The topic is both, one could argue, simplistic and complex to analyse in equal measures.  

Is the bigger priority for a woman to be passionately into the man she is with and place priority on the way she feels about him, or is the greater motivation to be with a man who makes her feel better about herself?  Of course, I know the answer in majority cases, but it is always worth exploring further. 

Rarely can a man, no matter who he is, satisfy both elements.  This previous post, in my humble opinion, did a reasonable attempt to illustrate how women will prioritize when choosing their male partners.   

First, allow me to distinguish between the two:

1)    The woman led by her heart

A woman led by her heart is a woman who chooses a man based on her sexual inclinations and who makes her heart beat faster in the thought of seeing him.  Her ego, trust, insecurity and self-conscious issues are put to one side in preference for the passion, positive emotions and feeling alive internal feedback loop that he brings to her existence. 

These men will nearly always belong to the high spectrum of male physical attractiveness.  Nevertheless, this doesn’t always mean that the man is as or more physically attractive than said woman.  For example, an 8.5/10 woman could feel this way with an 8/10 man (although you will rarely see an 8.5/10 woman with an 8/10 man).

As much as movies and TV programmes can stray from reality, the one consistent truth they do come up with is the way they are written to emphasize how a woman deep down desires the man who captures her heart and makes her feel alive.  What movies do not do, very well or often, is finalize how woman essentially choose a man based on other emotions.

It is important to clarify that these women, in general terms, make up a maximum 20% of the female population.

2)    The woman led by her ego

A woman led by her ego is effectively the polar opposite of woman 1.  Her bigger motives are to satisfy her ego and self-importance.  She tries to cloud over her low confidence, high insecurity and high self-consciousness by being with lower sought-after men than she could actually be with.  In essence, her objective is to feel better about herself over and above the passion and sexual thoughts she attains which are projected onto other men who arouse her more.

The men she finds herself with (granted, some women will occasionally have one spell acting as woman 1 just to almost convince herself she isn’t as weak as she knows she is) will be lesser looking than her.  The greater the physical attractiveness disparity between the two, the more she epitomizes being this woman. 

On a large percentage basis, this man isn’t only isolated in being less physically attractive than her.  She will often pick out a man, in conjunction with his lesser looks, who is also not breaking any barriers in terms of profession, social status or confidence/attitude.  Why?  This is because she needs a man to idolize her, kiss her rosy ass, and worship the ground she walks on.  A man who has less to offer women – both in visual and non-visual terms – is far more likely to perform this lapdog male delivery.

Of course, women aren’t aroused by these men – either in physical or other male offering capacity – because deep down in their honest and natural veins, a woman craves to be with a man who other women find extremely attractive and appealing.  In her innate make-up, she wants to fight amongst other women and, in the end, be the one who captures him.  

Unfortunately, this woman goes against her natural and inborn passions to ultimately replace it with feeling better about herself.  At best, she can be content.  At worst and usually, she will resent him over time and find a way to leave him should a better opportunity come along.

These women represent at least 80% of the female population.

Caveats to above

There are always exceptions to the rule, and in this case, there are worthwhile caveats or nuances to explain.

·       Women between the age of 16 to 23 will exist in larger percentage terms (I’d estimate a +20% to woman 1 as shown above, therefore the majority still belong to woman 2) to woman 1 compartment.  This is because women at a younger age place greater emphasis on male hotness, and at that age male hotness acts as a more magnified degree of high male social status than it does in relation to when women (and men) get older.

·       Women between the age of 24 to 32 most reflect the lower range percentage illustrations given above – therefore 10% being woman 1, and 90% being woman 2.  Women between these ages are the most likely in holding predilections to be with man who is less physically attractive than her, although it is only fair to say that at between this age bracket women are also at their highest in respect to their demands and expectations from men (hence mainly what he can provide for her on a monetary and assets basis).

·       Women post 32, in particular divorcees or/and women who have become bored performing the role as woman 2, will belong to woman 1 status in a greater percentage level than her former self aged between 24 and 32.  For one, women’s egos and expectations have usually hit some form of reality at this age, and they aren’t seeking out the uglier man who has can provide her with the big house and car etc.  Second, women have become so bored in being with a man who doesn’t (and most likely never did) turn her heart and sexual impulses on that she now, even if only for a short timeframe, wants a bit of rough and ready who makes her feel like living once more.  Third, as many of these women will have already experienced the wedding day and motherhood, they have less to lose by being unfaithful and not following their hearts.  With all this in mind, women post 32 can pretty much be split 50/50. 

A final thought

It is important to point out that most women have no choice but to carry out being woman 2, irrespective of what her choice is, because most women aren’t physically attractive enough to attract the low percentage (<10%) of men who can perform the role that satisfies woman.  Nevertheless, there are still at least 50 times as many women who could attract these men than men who exist (in other words, there are >5 times more hot women and >50 times more cute women than every one of these men), but this isn’t common to women who take this opportunity.  In numbers terms, if there are 5 hot woman and 50 cute women for every one man who flutters their heart, there may only be 5 (out of the 55) women who are willing to put their heart ahead of their ego.

On this basis, it equates to twice as many of these men on the market than hot women who would be prepared to give said hot man a chance.  Most of these hot women – even if willing – will already have boyfriends they will stay loyal to.  This goes a long way to explain why you rarely see a hot man walking hand in hand with a hot woman.

Furthermore, it exemplifies why most of the best-looking men are either (mainly) single or (less so) with cute women as opposed to hot women.


A woman’s ego and heart/sexual impulses act as an opposing force in a simultaneous life.  When one is satisfied, the other is left in disappointment.  More often than not, the heart is the item left disappointed. 


Wednesday 13 January 2021

Women’s loyalty levels


“Some people aren’t loyal to you, they are loyal to their need of you. 

Once their needs change, so does their loyalty.”


I’m sure we all have our stories on this particular topic.  I have a more than a few I could example, but one particular scenario stands out more than any other.

The background

Throughout my peak social outing life during my late teens to early twenties, I belonged to a circle of approximately fifteen male friends who would regularly meet up at least a couple of times a week.  It wasn’t always the fifteen at once of course, as girlfriends or sexual opportunities came and went for most of us.

Even when most of us went our separate ways around the country for University studies, a good number of us would still come back to Derby for big events – mainly being the 21st birthday celebrations.  After all, you are only 21 once.  It is only fair to say however that, just like women, men also differ to a good degree in their loyalty and dedication to male friendship.

The unlucky friend

One of the men didn’t have a bundle of luck or experience with women by the time his 20th birthday came along.  He was neither the best looking nor the ugliest, and he had a decent amount of personality in relativity for that age, but he did seem to lack an understanding and courage to interact with women generally.

Nevertheless, about a year before his 21st birthday he did meet a woman who seemed to like him a lot.  She wasn’t the best looking at all, in fact she was fact less physically attractive than him in gender relative terms.  With all that said, he seemed happy that someone had finally took to him.

We didn’t see him as much during the year that led up to his 21st birthday, as his girlfriend was diagnosed with a serious but recoverable cancer illness.  A lot of his time, naturally, was taken up in seeing her and supporting her rehabilitation.  I was on the same course as him at University, and he barely turned up to a seminar or lecture during that time.  A few of us had heard that her appreciation of his support was limited at best, but as someone who has gone through rigorous chemotherapy treatment too, I can in retrospect relate to how your mind plays tricks with you in not acting your true self.

He did manage to get out for his 21st birthday though.  He was a big drinker, and no matter how many drinks he consumed, it appeared he was just not getting drunk.  However, about 1am he went missing from the nightclub.  We all just thought he had made a sly exit in not desiring to be away from his girlfriend for too long.

As we left the nightclub and made our way to the curry house, from a distance we could see someone trying to hold himself up by a telephone box.  As we walked closer, we realized it was him.  He was totally smashed!  About five minutes later his girlfriend turned up in a car with her mum, and she went crazy in calling him shameful, disgraceful and embarrassing, with a few obscenities thrown in there just for good measure.

From memory, her treatment finished a couple of months after that night.  I remember him telling some of us how she had changed as a person, and that she barely wanted to see him in spite of all is efforts and love towards her.  Not long after her full recovery and path back to a normal life, she finished with him.

Women’s lack of loyalty

A first hand anecdote that I will share came in the form of an ex-girlfriend who told me her ex-boyfriend had cheated on her.  During her heartbreak, she also added that her best friend was nowhere to be seen in her time of need – in being wrapped up in her own life and new boyfriend – so she needed to confide in her sister-in-law as the main support network. 

Her sister-in-law was much different in character and look to my then girlfriend and her best friend.  Whilst my then girlfriend and her best friend were very much girl’s girls who liked to go out a lot, do themselves up, and spend money on materialistic things, her sister-in-law was much more of a homely girl (she got married in her early twenties) and, whilst not unattractive, had far more motivation to please her husband than to stroke her own ego.

Nevertheless, as time passed and my then girlfriend got back in touch with her best friend after a year of none speaking or contact terms, her need for her sister-in-law became less and her motive to build back bridges with her best friend increased.  Not coincidentally, pretty much every time I went round to see her, she was on the phone to her best friend, laughing and joking but sometimes also trying to make out the conversation needed to be in private.

Q-tip 1:

A woman will try to put thoughts in her boyfriend’s head that other men are interested in her, and many women will also go a step further to try and convince her boyfriend she is playing away (and of course then denying such accusations).  This is simply all part of a woman’s uncontrollable mechanism to send herself to the moon in attempts to raise her self-importance, popularity and perceived sought after level.  More often than not, this act is fiction rather than reality. 

As the boyfriend, treat this as a win-win situation.  If she is trying to get you jealous through fictitious hints, then it is only because she is fully into you and knows your value to other women.  If she is (on rarer occasions) genuinely looking for extrapair fornications, she has just given you a free passport to do the same with other women.

So in respect to my then girlfriend, the message is clear.  Her loyalty held no substance or relevance to who was there to support her in her time of need, and it was only down to convenience and timing.  Once her sister-in-law had served her duty and purpose, she went happily running back to the disloyal, unsupportive and self-centred best friend.

Q-tip 2:

Women don’t base their life on loyalty, they base their life on opportunity, self-agenda and what benefits them at the time.  Loyalty plays very little part in any woman’s psychological and consideration make-up. 

A final thought

If you are a man currently in a steady relationship where you genuinely believe your female partner appreciates all you do for her, I advise you to tread carefully and always expect the unexpected.  If you are a man who can relate to the above in your recent or not so recent relationship history, what I have written will likely come as no surprise.

Women are born to seize opportunism, chance, maximum benefit, and survival tactics.  When you have been dumped and heartbroken by her despite all your efforts to make her happy and be the best man you can be towards her, sometimes even in replacement for an objectively lower quality man, a lack of experience with women can leave you with a head even achier than your heart.  If you don’t understand women, the hurt is twice as hard.

When you do understand women, you can almost second guess what they are going to do based on an array of past experience.  You simply just move onto the next one, in most likely expecting something not dissimilar once more.  The trend isn’t so much cyclical, as much as constant and consistent.

And every now and again you may just meet a woman who is honest, genuine, loyal and faithful rolled into one.  It isn’t that these women don’t exist, it is just that they exist in far, far smaller numbers than what was never in abundant numbers in the past in any case.

Bonne chance….