Wednesday 29 January 2014

See it through her eyes: reasons women struggle for a life of happiness

“Happiness is never absolute.  When it arrives we take it for granted, and when it diminishes we believe it is our right.  Happiness never lasts for the time we wish for, it rarely runs in parallel with our endeavours in life, and we can wrongly assume it is unconditional as part of our existence.  Sometimes we have to live through an illness, a disaster or continuous misfortune before we appreciate life for the beauty it is.  Only then can we acknowledge that happiness is not a commodity that is gifted to us unconditionally.”

I would expect any given man, from any given place, has spent a good few days in his life taken up by bad feelings and thoughts towards women.  Even masters of women, and hardly any in the world exist, will have gone through a phase when they wonder why a certain female who has stolen his heart had acted in a certain way.  Why did she lie?  What made her unapproachable or unreceptive?  Why has she chosen him over me?  Why did she appear to stop trying?  Why did she leave me?

To understand reasons why a woman, especially an attractive woman with options from numerous men, acts in the way she does, a man has to formulate a background to how she will have been treated and seen upon by people close to her when growing up through her younger years.  If she was an attractive child at school, she would have always been popular with other boys and girls alike, whilst teachers gave her a certain amount of leeway due to her pretty eyes gazing into them.  Her parents gave her praise and belief in herself beyond the nature of a parent with an average looking kid.  Of course, many attractive women were also late bloomers, as they may not have been cute kids but they blossomed out in their late teens.  In this case, a woman’s ego boost has simply been delayed, and it doesn’t take a woman long to be convinced she is acquiring more attention and interest from others in comparison to her female peers.  So no matter what phase of life it strikes her, she is now in a place that makes her believe she is in the special segment within the minority of women out there.  For example, if most of these women with this mentality believe this is the case with them, whether rightly or wrongly, they are in the top twenty percent of physically attractive looking women if taken from a random group.  I’m sure many people have come across women who they view in falling below this select group - only for them to have false belief they are in it – an example is a 6.5/10  woman in believing she is an 8/10 rating.  It’s also important not to disregard successful higher status women, in career terms, as they also can attain high opinions of themselves.

So basically this woman has lived in her own life bubble of attention, praise and idolization from others.  This kind of woman is often one who never leaves her small town, as she has a great need to be a big fish in a small pond.  Or ever notice that attractive girl who never gives way to another car despite it being their right of way, or a woman who doesn’t queue in the traffic leading to a slip road?  That is typically her.  She has always had her own way in life, she has always been accustomed to people looking up to her, and she has mostly come away from situations believing the reason for all this is down to her beauty.  For this reason alone, her apparent selfish and self-centered mentality has not necessarily evolved through her own high opinion of herself, and it is in fact down to other people allowing her to believe she is a cut above the rest of her close network of friends and acquaintances.

Now because she has this vision of herself and her own spectrum of life, with everyone and everything else sitting outside of it, she has the belief that the world, and most importantly, men, should make the extra step to please her.  In her tunnel vision thought process, life owes her something because of her attraction.  However, in the world of attraction and potential relationships, this is where life becomes tougher for her, because what she believes she needs - hence nice guys - isn’t what she wants.  What she wants – the bad boys - isn’t what she thinks she deserves.  What could give her both - in this case a high value man - makes her question her own value.  Weak beta males out there are tongue hanging in hope she can in some way see an intimate attraction to their nice ways.  Bad boys want her in sexual ways, but with no concern to her emotional needs.  As for high value men, like most aspects of the attraction world, these men sometimes desire a little too much beyond her natural beauty.  They are seen as high maintenance men.  Even if they don’t expect too much, she can often doubt her own worth and purpose alongside him.

When it comes to her dating sequence, this is how it most likely runs:

Step one: Falls into the arms of a bad boy

No matter how much she tries to convince herself otherwise, she is infatuated by the local bad boy.  It’s not that he is unbelievably good looking or has great personality, but the challenge and knowledge of his popularity draws her towards him.  She loves the thought of being naughty, and whilst he isn’t giving her what she thinks she should have in terms of being idolized, the chemistry is too strong to think of this negative aspect.  As she is young, she has no concern to the probable lack of long term relationship this guy can offer her.  She just has the adrenalin day to day rush.  The thing a bad boy has up his sleeve is that he achieves, without trying, in making her realize the world isn’t only about her.  She sees this bond of “us against the world”.  It isn’t totally selfless from her point of view.  She knows other people are interested in the two of them, so her attention requirement is satisfied too.  By dating this young man she sees further validation in her importance from her closet peers.  Unfortunately, there are too many other pretty girls for on option hungry guy like this, and once bored, he is on to her equally attractive girl friend.  Her first broken heart is the outcome.

Step two: Gives the nice guy his chance 

So despite subconsciously knowing she craves for bad boys, she is convinced she deserves a period in her life in being valued more by a boyfriend.  As most men fall into the category of an average looking male with beta characteristics, there will be inundated numbers who will happily take on this role.  The average looking nice guy has probably been waiting in the wings for some months or even years, vainly believing she will get tired of being treated like dirt and that she now needs a man like him.  This is where a beta male kicks himself in the teeth.  It’s not that he doesn’t realize attractive women actually want or like bad boys, although many always persist in thinking it is her bad luck or it is a coincidence, his problem is he doesn’t understand the reasons why.  If only beta males out there actually improvised and gave her more of a challenge once captured.  It’s like the polar opposite to the dynamic in how a woman tries to turn a bad boy nicer.  If the nice guy wasn’t actually as “nice” as she perceived, he’d be much more challenging to her.  Nevertheless, he is adamant she will learn to love him if he continues with his supplicated, sycophant and desperate ways.

This guy is safe for her. She knows he will not do any better than her, and she has returned to younger habits of being around people who see her as a princess.  For a period of time this is ideal for her.  Although she will never admit to the lack of chemistry he gives her, the feeling of being valued once more overpowers this intrinsic concern for the time being.  The way he treats her is unprecedented.  She tells her friends about all the things he does for her, all the money he spends on her, and how many times he tells her he is in love with her.  Unfortunately, all these great feelings make her feel good as a person, but they fail in making her feel better in a visceral sense.  Here lies the root to her problem with this guy.  This kind of relationship is about “her” and not “them”.  For all his good ways, they are not gifts that get her sexual organs moist, and she wakes up one day acknowledging she cannot possibly spend or stand another day looking at him.  She will acknowledge he’s a great guy, and state that it just didn’t work out.  At no stage will she say out loud that his “nice” ways were not to her liking.  She will simply put it down to him being the wrong type of nice guy.

Step three: Approached by a high value man

She may even repeat steps one and two before encountering step three, but it will happen eventually.  In summary so far: she has had chemistry without being loved, and then she has been idolized without a feeling of emotional chemistry.  By now, she is probably at the stage when she has realized that being placed on a pedestal and receiving unlimited attention is something she wants from the majority of people in her life.  What the experience of the nice guy has made her realize is that when it comes to a boyfriend, this isn’t actually what she desires over a long period of time.  Also, she now accepts in her mind, although not to other people, that in reality she needs to have to fight to be idolized by a boyfriend.  A nice guy gives her this too easily and too rapidly.  A bad boy never gives her this at all, and it epitomizes in a nutshell the main reason to her contrasting words of what she says she wants against the things she needs.

This is the balance a clever, handsome, strategic and high value man has mastered.  He has his own life, but he also appreciates her needs too.  He knows, having probably lived out the roles of both the nice guy and bad boy in previous relationships, that an equality of both characters is the way forward.  He can take the positive traits from both parties, erase the negative characteristics they both attain, and give her too much rather than too little space.  He borders on being less complimenting rather than over complimenting.  He is challenging to her views instead of extreme apathy or supplication.  Yet if leaning towards one extreme is necessary, he leans towards the bad boy’s mannerisms rather than those delivered by the nice guy.

A high value man has the best opportunity to keep her if he can get to that stage.  So here lies the problem for both parties: it is the hardest case in the initial attraction, as the woman’s brain goes through three processes:

  • Impulse
  • Emotive
  • Logic

Her impulse thought process is one of “god, he’s fit” or “I can see other women looking at him…he’s a challenge…I like that.”  She will have a few discrete looks at him, and she may harbour ambitions of him approaching her.

If he does approach her, the emotive function can go one of two ways.  She will be either melted away by his natural looks, charm, personality and charisma, or she will form into a shell and act disinterested.  The latter option is to maintain fiction of higher value, and in addition she will also conceivably give him compliance tests to drag down his obvious appeal.  Most sharp high value men will be aware that both of these acts are positive.  One is a silent compliment, whilst the other is a back-handed compliment.

Unfortunately for him (and in many ways her too), her logical, or often illogical process takes over.  What she instinctively found attractive, hence women looking at him, now makes her feel insecure.  Questions of - “why would he choose me over her?” or “will I be just another notch on his belt?” will arise.  The following day she sees a woman as, or more, physically attractive than her, she immediately thinks of the great guy she met last night and she assumes this potential intruder could be someone he’s interested in.  She never stops to think that she may in fact be his type, and although there is a blonde, skinny stunner standing over the road, he actually prefers curvy brunettes - as she is.  She is at her insecurity peak at this moment, and the necessity to protect her ego and emotions overpower her willingness to give a great guy a chance in her life.  She will not invest emotionally, as she is assuming the worst.  She questions her value against his, and jealous friends of hers pour further fuel onto the fire by reinforcing the negative questions she has, and in turn dismissing any optimism she suggests.  So what happens?  She doesn’t return his call, or makes up a long winded and dishonest rejection story about it not being the right time.

So if you ever see a woman as a cold-hearted, arrogant selfish woman, maybe take a few moments to think about the fact all she wants in life is to be genuinely happy.  She’s just like anybody else, really.

To summarize, this is her dilemma:

                                          Biggest Positive                      Strongest Negative

Bad Boy                           Challenge/Chemistry                Lack of concern to her
                                                                                              emotional needs

Nice Guy                           Attention & love                        No chemistry 

High Value Man               The balance between              Her insecurity and decreased ego
                                           nice and bad                            due to lack of self-value

They all satisfy her in one way, but unfortunately not in the another aspect.  Many women can be complex species, and men need to comprehend this fact sooner rather than later if they wish to be happy and stress free during interaction and relationship phases.  Women are known to act on emotion, but often they make their biggest mistakes through logical thinking.  Or more to the point, they will think illogical when looking through logical eyes.  I guess this is why men love them so much.

If good and genuine men ever feel the need to question the lack of fair play that coincides with women’s decisions to choose jerks over nice guys, they should look at it in this way.  Bad boys offer a perfect blend and balance of challenge, validation and physical importance comfort to women who choose to dive in with these men.  Unlike the supplicated, unchallenging and over complimenting nice guys – who make up the bulk of male suitors – a bad boy provides a test in instigating and preserving a woman’s interest.  His popularity and reputation creates a path to prove her identity and worth to external parties when alongside him.  The importance to how a woman perceives others look upon her should never be overlooked when analyzing her decisions in life.  And whilst most of these men are above the average look of the perennial nice guys, they are rarely as striking to the eye as the exclusive group of very good looking men.  This underrated factor acts as the main foundation for a woman to feel a physical level above him in her most obsessed, yet most important, sexual market value measurement.  With all this in consideration, many women are far more likely to oversight a bad boy’s inefficiencies, over and above their harsh critique of other men’s slightest errors of judgments.       

This will explain why a woman repels from a good looking high value man, but she becomes bored, over time, with an unchallenging beta male nice guy.  Maybe this is a strong justification for women having strong inclinations to be with jerks who they know will treat them badly.  At least with them, they can almost act on impulses and emotions but without the concern to a longer term view of assessing if her value is too high or too low.  It is a means to an end dynamic, and although the parting of ways and broken heart is the inevitable result, this irresponsible type of man eradicates any need to foresee beyond tomorrow.

The female mind goes through a torment of never quite knowing what it wants.  It appears to be pulled from different directions, within different emotions, and on different occasions.  One moment it requires peace, happiness and a stable environment, but then in a split second it seems to need a supply of intensity, drama and conflict.  A woman’s emotional balance, and how she views a man’s power over her, is also never in a place that offers satisfaction.  She appears to fear being in total awe of a man, in consequently feeling inadequate in comparison, but then she cannot be satisfied with a man who she believes is lower value than her.  She won’t desire inundated numbers of women being magnetized towards him (unless he was famous or with extreme high social status – as she would make an exception in this case), but she doesn’t want to be with a man who doesn’t attract any women.

A woman has a small window of opportunity – her peak sexual market value phase – to sell her value to men in finding the most suitable future mate.  In this duration she will also hold the will to display her placard to friends and foes in its full glory.  This window may be as little as three years.  This small period of time is a large price to pay for the opportunity she has within this maximized potential time frame to find the prized asset amongst the hoards of hidden talents or wasted causes.  She doesn’t have time to spend on selling dead horses, but she also needs to hold onto her morals and integrity, no matter how manipulative or economical with the truth she has to be to achieve both tasks.  This fundamentally leaves her with no option but to often lie to men or devise false reasons explaining why the relationship is not working out.  Ultimately, a woman has this limited ticking time bomb to sell herself to the male world.  Once the bomb explodes, she is looking down on men she wouldn’t pick through choice.  In the regular world, the number of high calibre men can seem few and far between to a woman with reasonable standards, but unlike a man’s mentality in direct comparison, not as many women have the fortitude and independence to travel the course of life alone.  This means many of them take the perceived safer bet in a less desirable man, than the unknown world of waiting and to see what destiny might bring.  But as women are rarely proactive and forthcoming in making things happen in life – especially in emotional terms – the lottery of settling down with a man who doesn’t give her butterflies will appear like odds worth taking.  So if there are men out there who cannot find it in them to move on from their broken heart due to the bizarre stories they have been told by their most recent ex-girlfriend, it may be a worthwhile exercise to take a step back and, just for a few moments, see it though her eyes. 

Sunday 26 January 2014

Female fake friendships

“People will often speak words, produce gestures and act on subconscious body language or expressions, only to subsequently display humour and denial to disguise the true intent.  It takes a foolish person to not know that they meant every ounce of what they did.”

Another one of my many interests belongs to the sport of tennis.  I’ve been a fan since being old enough to hold a racquet, so the last couple of weeks have had me glued to the Australian Open coverage.  Unlike other blogs, I have no inclination to get involved with the whole anti-feminist viewpoint.  I’ll leave all this to those who attain more passion on the subject.  But just to add my two pennies in relevance to tennis, why should women be paid as much as men to do 3/5s of the work?  If there was a female and male director of a corporate company carrying out the same level of responsibilities on salary parity, yet the man only decided to attend 3 days of the week, I wonder how the woman would react…

What the last 2 weeks has reinforced in my mind is the already acknowledged difference in how, in general terms, the male opponents act with one another at the post match net handshake in comparison to how the good ladies proceed.  When one of the great former players of the game in Martina Navratilova holds no hesitation to state that women should take a leaf out of men’s books when considering the end of match acknowledgements, you know there is an issue hanging around like a bad smell.

Now yes, the examples above are from polar dynamics.  Roger Federer and Jo-Wilfried Tsonga are off court mates, whilst Sabine Lisicki and Agi Radwanska have some obvious history.  My guess, with the girls, is that the conflict goes beyond tennis per se.  I’d like to know which male ball striker they have both nailed!  Given the choice, I’d take Sabine every time.  But the disparity in attitude between both sexes in the middle of the court, on a broad scale, is a world apart.

In the situation of friendships that coincide in our everyday lives, this is nothing more than most people will have at least had passing thoughts about.  Women are bitchier, and they find it harder to make friends, and stay friends.  On the other hand, men find it easier to make buddies and continue with unconditional alliance.  Nothing earth shattering here then.  But what I believe most men fail to comprehend is how someone can ascertain a good understanding of how a woman would be in a relationship in consideration to how she interacts with her female friends.

I published a post a couple of weeks ago (see link at bottom) in reference to the various relationship types of women.  In summary, the two extremes fall into those who constantly need boyfriend validation – hence they bounce from one relationship to the next with next to no pause – and women who are far more independent from required boyfriends, almost to the point where they will reject any man until “Mr Perfect” comes along.  In truth, both extremes are just as eager for love as each other, but one side needs the reassurance of being loved, even if only content in actual happiness levels, and the other side find enough strength to go it alone, even if basked in daily frustration. 

These are the extremes, and my experience tells me around 10% of women are the typical boyfriend hoppers.  No more than 2% belong to the independent female group where they strive for perfection.  Simply put, there aren’t many women who can justify such an attitude.  This leaves the majority that sit somewhere in the middle, but a far greater percentage will stray to the left side of boyfriend requirement than the right side of independence.  Not to put too fine a point on things, women, sooner rather than later, have the itching feeling to show the world that they are loved.  She may not love the man she finds, but she sure wants external parties to know he loves her.

What you find with women is that their friendships are based more on convenience.  You only have to compare the number of women you know who have dated one of their “friend’s” ex-boyfriends, and then compare this with how many men you are aware of who have done likewise in the gender inverse scenario.  Admittedly, the men these women share are usually taken from a popular profile status, as hardly any woman is going to fight with her friend to capture a perennial unwanted nice guy.  This process of male mate poaching or post break-up tracking is not very common, because there are so few men worth fighting over.  But make no mistake about it, if there was a man they all desired then they would rip each other’s eyes out to get him.

Despite being more desperate, supplicated and sex hungry, men show more loyalty to each other when it comes to female competitiveness.  It’s almost like an unofficial agreement to not take damaged goods from one already burst by his buddy, and in rare cases when the opportunity is there, the usual circumstance is for him to ask before entering.  Nevertheless, this apparent loyalty can be clouded and perhaps overrated a little.  If you took a random group of 10 men under the age of 40 and a random group of 10 women below the age of 30, I would take a confident estimate that no more than 2 of the men strike all the women’s attention in a sexual way.  Flip the coin, and there’s a fair chance at least half of the women would be seen as shaggable to the men (most men, present company not included).  So basically, women are fighting with more friends to secure a small pot of wanted men.

I’m always cautious of dating women who claim they cannot get on with women or that most of their friends are men.  This goes against human nature.  When all said and done, I’ve barely met a woman in my life where I could honestly say I’ve enjoyed her conversation more than hanging with my male buddies.  The mitigation to spend time with women is naturally down to what they can offer me sexually.  The same should go for women.  It would take a bizarre woman to genuinely enjoy talking about topics from the male spectrum in contrast to what females gossip on with.  So when a woman does congregate with men in preference to women, you can only assume one thing.  She is jealous of sharing attention with other women, and she has a constant need to feel important.  Men being men, even if they have 0% chance of nailing her, will show her how valuable she is to planet earth.

The biggest warning to men dating these "homely girls" is along the lines of making sure you use your own methods of contraception.  Boyfriend orientated women have a strong need to feel wanted, and settling down is a high priority at the first sign of anyone who seems like a decent guy or makes her feel worthy.  She can, due to high insecurity and low confidence to explore the world of male specimen, believe a life with the man and a kid will have a fairy tale ending.  Fallacies can be formed in her mind that a man isn't just after a quick lay, and fatherhood will make him stay with her.  Needless to say, she will act first and surprise you later.  So if she does give you the daddy news within a few months of dating, and the sex is still your number one concern, you've been warned right here and now.

However, the plus side to women who cannot find it in them to socialize on a same sex grounding is that they are, usually, more loyal and forgiving relationship girls.  As they lean away from girl’s nights out, and they have very few female voices to confide in, they are less susceptible to the cunning and manipulating words of envious mouths.  So if a man makes a mistake (not that he should have to care about it if he did), there aren’t many knife twisters or shit stirrers in her immediate vicinity.  A man will get more leeway with relationship orientated women who don’t have an array of outside female influence.

This is totally opposite to the women who I have, by majority, been in relationships with.  “Girl’s girls – those with many female friends and partiality towards girl’s nights out – will seek advice on any given angle when it comes to their boyfriends.  Even when they don’t ask for it, these female friends just can’t resist a sneaky dig at her loved one.  This is all the more relevant when the woman has a high calibre male partner and her friends are single.  Of course, every woman only has her friend’s best intentions at heart, doesn’t she?  Heaven forbid me to accuse some of them in having their own agendas!

With regards to the positive aspect of “girl’s girls”, if you’re an independent guy then you can expect a good deal of space from her.  Even if she’s chomping at the bit to see you, her default experiences from all the uninspiring men in her life has caused her to never show any emotional cards.  This is where only astute men or care-free jerks can win these women over.  Eventually, with comprehension to the low number of quality men combined with time running out for her to capitalize on her peak value, she will show her heart due to the risk of losing the man she loves.  Clingy nice guys, as most men are, will be chewed up and spat out with women of this nature.

So friendships to women are more a case of forming a group to fight a war against others.  There are very few women who would stand in front of their allies in the trenches, happy to put their welfare at risk in knowledge that their companion lives on in happiness.  Women are just simply not designed to be this way.  Whether we face up to the truth or not, nearly every woman wakes up in the morning with thoughts of how she can be a step ahead of those competing with her.  If it means using some of them as stepping stones to success, or getting one over on them, then so be it.  If they’re all doing the same, no one is worse than the other.

Not dissimilar to how women become friendlier as they get older, you will notice how female friendships do become more genuine, solid and loyal with age.  If you ever do hold desires to see this, look at how your mothers and grandmothers act with their female friends.  Sure, this is a generation thing too, but I can guarantee you it will also be the case with modern day younger women when they reach their 50s, 60s, 70s or 80s.  Once there is less at stake, and attention, external validation requirement and hunting down men is a now dissolved motivation, it’s almost as if a weight is lifted off their shoulders that dragged them down for 30 years or so.  Was this burden all worth it in the end?

Acknowledgements and further reading

Wednesday 22 January 2014

Security or fantasy: which rules a woman’s mind?

“How can you love someone without the trust of their soul?  Surely no matter how obsessed or infatuated, the two simply go hand in hand to form one.  The trust acts as the feeder for love, and once starved of trust, the love can only die.”

I remember watching a horror movie in the late 1980’s when I was a little boy.  It was an 18 rated certificate, film but my Mum was kind of good like that.  She’d hire it out for me and my friend to watch as ten year old kids, much to kill a bit of summer holiday boredom for us as much as anything else.  Curtains would be closed to form a room of darkness, with popcorn and cookies on the table.

In truth, even at this tender age the film left us scratching our heads.  Scary and nerve tension scenes were few and far between, whilst the storyline lacked any real substance in terms of beginning, middle and end.  It was pretty much left open for a sequel - which happened a year later.

Although it meant nothing to me at the time, many years later I couldn’t help but think more about the sub-plot in the film rather than the purpose (if there was one) of the film itself.  Basically, a beautiful woman in her late 20s was married to a rich, average looking, financially secure and boring man who looked about 10 years older than her.  He was the typical nice guy beta male, trying and saying anything to make her happy.  Even then, I recollect her facial expressions in desperately forcing a smile and seeking reassurance that life was actually worth living.

One day, when her husband was away with work, the back door knocked and she opened it to see a younger man (around the same age as her) standing in the pouring rain.  He was far better looking than her husband, in an unshaven and rugged way, with a look in his eye that couldn’t give a care in the world.  You could tell that he looked the irresponsible, jobless and inconsiderate bad boy type, and he looked into her eyes asking if he could enter the house.  The look in her eyes painted a thousand words.  She was a contrast of excitement, intrigue and infatuation, alongside fright, intimidation and fear of her potential uncontrolled emotions.  It turns out this guy was her husband’s younger half brother.  Within two scenes of the film the two of them were having aggressive, steamy and unconditional sex.  As they lay in bed, post orgasm, he looked moody and unconcerned, whilst she stroked his leg begging him to stay in town and offering to do anything for him.  He did leave, probably onto his next conquest.

If this sub-plot in the film does not emphasize the trials and tribulations of a rich beta male, attractive woman and bad boy relationship triangle, then nothing ever will.  I’ve come away from so many cinemas with ex-girlfriends after watching the typical “sweet loving” man capture the vulnerable woman.  We would step into the car with her speaking the words of “what a lovely guy, every woman’s dream is a romantic man”.  I can guarantee 10 minutes later, once the vision of that film has been erased from her mind, she would realize this is the last thing that truly turns on her passion compulsions.  She will just never admit this, and she will continue with the fairytale fiction of romance.  But one small sub-plot in a film like this would replicate the emotions of millions of women around the world right now.

So if this is the case, how on earth do inundated numbers of attractive women end up with a perennial nice guy at some point in their lives?  Well firstly, not many women will concede in their conscious mind that they are with a man who is a beta male (many do not even know what a beta means in attraction), and they will devise a vision of him being far more interesting and intriguing than he actually is in reality.  Equally true is that only a small percentage will concede they are with the typical bad boy type.  This only happens in her sub-conscious mind.  If she confessed to being with someone who is so nice and unchallenging it would be like her admitting she only sees him as a friend.  If she concedes she is with someone who is on the bad scale, she will worry what others think of her for openly admitting to dating guys like this.  So it is all internal, even though she is aware of it.

Most women have dated at least one bad boy before settling down with a nice guy.  This is all part of growing up and learning from experiences.  Often she will have her first true boyfriend as a nice guy, but these relationships rarely last for the long term such is her need to experience something more challenging.  There is also a fair argument that women actually desire to be in long term relationships, and beyond, with bad boys, but they settle for nice guys as the former group are more rare in existence – therefore harder to track down or drive them to commitment.  But nearly all women, especially physically attractive women, will reach a stage when she needs the following three things in her life:

  • To be idolized by a boyfriend.
  • To find financial security.
  • To be with someone where she perceived herself to have higher physical value than him.

We all are aware that most beta males will tick all those three boxes:

  • He will idolize her because he can’t do better than her in attractiveness terms.
  • He can offer her financial security that a low earning bad boy will be unable to.
  • She will live in the knowledge she is more visually impressive than him, therefore she feels valued not only by him, but in herself too.

In the short term, all three aspects are seen as positives to a woman in this situation.  However, as time goes on, point two stays as a positive, but point one and point three turn into negatives.  Not many women would ever turn down financial security, especially if it meant they never had to work again and they could spend their lives walking down shopping streets for materialistic things to paper over the cracks of unhappiness.  But the idolizing factor is now seen as a man who simply does this because he cannot get anyone better, and we know women like to think other women want their man - they just don’t want him to actually cheat.  And what she once enjoyed in having higher physical value than him is now seen as a lack of a challenge.  This all points to the perennial beta male meets beautiful woman dynamic.  So in essence, she has to weigh up in her mind whether the financial security and money side of things is worth staying with him.  The older she becomes, the more likely this will carry more weight.  She is also not getting any more attractive, and her options with other alpha men will not be as high as they once were.  This acts like the beta husband’s neutralizing weapon - he’s managed to hold onto her long enough for her to become less desirable to other men. The only problem is that her mind is still in the same place as it always was.  She may have rationalized a little in terms of knowing he gives her a secure life, but how strong are her sexual urges once a visceral temptation comes her way?

So as a man, who are you better off being?  The nice guy who gets the hot girl but has to work multi-fold harder to keep her, or the bad boy who has the armory to have sexual encounters with her on his terms?  Women want the fantasy of the bad boy, but the financial security of the nice guy.  Depending on how bored she is, coupled with how much she has to lose financially, this will usually combine to result in whether she adulterates.  She wants both, but it is almost a non-existent commodity.  No matter how beautiful a woman is, if a man is acting in a bad boy manner he will only see her as the same as another woman with a sexual entrance to his world.  If he’s a fundamental nice guy, as most men are, he’s got a fixed thought in his head that the better he treats her the more she will appreciate it.  There is one problem with this easily made assumption - he doesn’t understand women.  He doesn’t realize that the higher the bar he places, the higher she will raise it the following day.

What a beta male fails to ever acknowledge is that he actually has a huge advantage.  At the end of the day the bad boy will always have an expiry date.  She knows this, and he (the bad boy) also often knows this.  From his point of view it is no issue as he’ll just move on.  But surely a woman can only keep moving from one bad boy to the next before she feels cheap.  If the nice guy just stepped back, stopped doing so much for her, refrained from jealous and supplicated ways, and acted more like he was the main man in his life, she would see him in a more attractive way - and not be so tempted by jerks.  But he doesn’t.  Such is his admiration and infatuation of her is that he continues to chop up the wood with the same blunt sword.  It is the ever so common predicament of a man who believes he can never do better.

There is an unfortunate and twisted reality of life: this is the distinction of our feelings to find love against our sexual fantasies.  The painful truth, both from a female and male perspective, is we cannot satisfy both predilections.  A man searches long and hard for a feminine, caring, warm-hearted and considerate woman who he can aspire to one day label her his wife.  A woman, whilst not needing a man who is too nice in day to day life, will fundamentally set her heart on finding a man who offers intermittency in romance, protectiveness, firmness, affection, support and honesty.  However, although this is the route to love, neither party is completely satisfied with their optimum sexual compulsions within this relationship.  A man, deep down, would concede his day time princess in replacement for a lady of the night in the bedroom.  A woman, usually in denial of this fantasy, craves for the prince to transform into her forbidden bad boy once the lights go out. 

Even those most genuinely in love would silently confess this is the case.  The simple reality is that our erotic compulsions are most aroused when existing in the forbidden world that is detached from the emotions of love.

Sunday 19 January 2014

The isolated exceptions of mutual beauty

“Can we both look good together, or should I show my bad side and you show your good side?”

In the whole of 2013 I made a conscious and excessive effort to trace how many couples I could see where, from a neutral observer’s perspective, one could safely say that the woman and man were an eye catching bond.  Not to put too fine a point on it, I was looking for hot couples.  This annual duration included vacations to New York City, Northern Spain and the top to bottom of Portugal.  Many cities in the UK, whether it was social or business activity, were also visited.  And there's also the other 200 plus days I woke up and walked out the door too.  I saw 2 couples that ticked this box in a whole calendar year.

Many posts in this blog will cover, directly or indirectly, the reasons why I believe this dynamic – of both high physically attractive women and men walking hand in hand – is isolated viewing.  I never get tired of pointing it out, because I believe men never grow in comprehending the reality and women never tire of its denial.  But ladies and gentlemen, you cannot hide from what you see.  Or in this case, it’s what you don’t see.

However, every now and again when a pig flies through the sky, a person can come across the above vision.  Just for clarity, the man is Cristiano Ronaldo – the recently awarded World Footballer of the Year for 2013.  The woman in the picture is his girlfriend – Irina Shayk, a 28 year old Russian model.  Ronaldo did reference her as his wife in the gala speech as he picked up the award, but there are no actual records to show they’re officially married.  They’ve been dating since 2010.  Make no mistake about it, this image is extremely rare to find in life outside of the rich and famous.

In the case of Ronaldo, the Portuguese star is at the pinnacle of his powers in many measurements.  Encroaching his 29th birthday, he proves how men should be able to look at their physical peak at this age.  In truth, and like all men who choose a healthy lifestyle, he should be able to take this look well into his 30s.  Without trying to sound too cocky or self-promoting, I could go toe to toe with Ronaldo on the facial features and body profile side of physical attractiveness, but his extra couple of inches in height (to give him a near 6ft 2 inches stature) elevates him to an overall  9/10 male rating.

Now that the physical side is out of the way, let’s focus on his even more babe magnet attracting metrics.  Along with Lionel Messi, Ronaldo has been head and shoulders the best footballer in the world over the last 7 years.  So basically he is the best at what he does in the highest profile sport on the planet.   Annual earnings of $44m/year don’t hurt do they, and commercial spin offs would likely make this figure to appear on the light side.  And, in true fairness from the interviews I’ve seen over many years, he does seem to be a guy with an abundance of intelligence, charm and personality.  My friend recently criticized his arrogance, to which my reply was along the lines of questioning whether “Ronnie” could be as good as he is without this demeanour.  My friend responded by stating that Messi does it in a more unassuming manner.  In truth, when you’re the best footballers in the world it really has no bearing on anything.  Fame, talent, status and money are hardly going to be taken as an oversight due to a lack of modesty.

You’ll notice Ronaldo has his eyebrows waxed to further emphasize his “pretty boy” look.  Men in the “real world” should take note of this, and I’ve made this exact same mistake myself.  You have to realize and accept that famous men can get away with certain grooming where men off the street cannot, even if you’re on a comparable looks level to them.  So if men are trying to replicate famous celebrities in hope it attracts women, yet it actually is not attracting them in ultimately closing deals, understand it’s because you are not offering women anything to mitigate against the irritable feeling they have in considering being with a good looking man.  Women will date men of equal, and sometimes greater, physical attractiveness relativity if there’s something in it for them.

When I observed Ronaldo’s girlfriend at the gala, she went through differing expressions and emotions.  When he was making the speech and was up there on his own, I sensed a touch of envy in her eyes.  Nevertheless, I have to point out that when his little boy (Cristiano Jnr) ran up to stage and the father picked him up, she did seem to have genuine happiness and pride in that glee of hers.  Maybe there’s a point to all this.  A woman is more proud of her loved one when there is a portrait of his production alongside him (Shayk is not the mother of the child).  When a man stands alone, with spectators captivated to his brilliance, a woman can perhaps feel a discomforting air of inferiority complex when comparing against her own value to the world.  

To bring all this back to us folk who are not so rich and famous, it’s imperative to understand that if Ronaldo was just a “normal” guy from a random city, but he looked exactly the way he does today, he would struggle to find a woman to date him.  This is all the more relevant to women aged above 23, and it’s on the basis he runs by the standard male process in desiring to be with a woman of similar or greater visual beauty.  For starters, he would be better looking, in gender relative terms, than 99.9% of women walking down the standard streets.  In addition to this, even if he was more than happy to concede to an 8/10 or 8.5/10 woman, it is highly unlikely many of these women would lead by their sexual impulses before the itching pride, trust and ego concerns that eat away inside their bones.

 But extreme wealth, fame, talent and status remove all these barriers to give him an access to pretty much any woman he wants.  This is just, once more, another reminder that male looks are such a minor passage in the whole scheme of things to the acquisition of a woman who a man desires the most.  This gap can be bridged, to an extent, when a good looking man has the opportunity to show a woman how great a guy he is, but until that time arrives he fights the battle of her negative perception.

Where it does become tricky is when you put two men of wealth, status, personality and charisma parity in front of a woman, yet one of them was less physically attractive than her but the other was on her par or greater.  My inclination tells me, and general observation would back this up, that the majority of hot women would take the man who is typically 10% to 15% below their own self-rated visual blessings.  Cute women would proceed in a similar way, but they would more likely run with the man on their level – hence an above average looking man – than a less visually appealing man.  This is because status and money is hard to validate in environments where women don’t know a man personally; therefore an above average looking man is not going to give a cute woman massive trust or egoism issues.  In other words, an above average looking man will not turn many female heads on his look alone, and he won’t take the stage away from his girlfriend’s cutie face.  As for average looking or ugly women, it simply goes one stage further.  They would have no problem dating a man who is on the same looks grade as them, because a man on their level is not going to be appealing unless he holds a major social status profile. 

So yes, male good looks are a blessing and an obstacle in equal measures.  Other desirable metrics give lesser looking men an upper hand, because male looks are not too important to women for long term partner suitability.  Male good looks, with little else to accompany, also act as a disadvantage to appeal to women in most scenarios.  When a man starts to input other further attributes to his already in place good looks, this kind of high value man starts to level up the playing field once more, even to the point where he edges ahead.  

Some sources I have read via literature from the United States could lead a person to believe that there is a gradual shift back to a viewing of more women going for better looking men.  I certainly didn’t see it from my last trip there less than a year ago, but I would be the first to back this up if I did one day start to see a trend emerge.  For now, you can only sit back and take a pleasant viewing from extremely rare hot couples.  But even in celebrity land, with a woman and man of similar earnings and profile, you're still more likely to see this….  


Wednesday 15 January 2014

The 4 types of relationship women

“Within our life is the likelihood we will only meet a handful of people we truly fall in love with.  Those who have more than this are either extremely fortunate or they are born in absolute luck of having little selectivity.”

Many men have the consensus that all women desire to be in a relationship, and that they will only ever be happy when in a relationship.  Other men may take the exact opposite view - women attempt to fight love and find inundated reasons to never open up their heart to a man.  I believe that 99% of women, irrespective of physical attractiveness, age or culture, do in fact dream of being in that perfect relationship.  It’s just that a large proportion of them will make men fight to represent the required efforts to capture their hearts: such is their need to believe their value is worth all his efforts.  Some women surrender their hearts easier than others.  These are women who need to be in a relationship with a man in order to feel a purpose in their life.  They need validation of external importance.  On the other side of the coin, some will say they do not need to be married, they do not need to birth children, or they do not even need the necessity of a boyfriend, to feel complete in life.

With all this said, women come from many backgrounds, and their life situations and predicaments can lead them to be one of four different types of women when they view how important a relationship is to them.  These are the main factors that can determine this:

  • Age
  • Maturity of mind
  • Relationship experience - positive or negative
  • Wealth / Type of career
  • Social background
  • Insecurity / Self-consciousness
  • Social network – is she part of a close and loyal friendship network
  • Confidence
  • Her perception of men generally
  • Her selectiveness threshold

The Serial Dater

We’ve probably all come across this kind of girl before – the Serial Dater.  In a nutshell, she simply has to be with a man to complete her perceived worth to the outside world.  Sometimes it’s a fear of not being confident enough to sail the ship of life alone.  This woman will often not even hide the fact she feels at her most comfortable in the arms of a man, and she has very little independence within her own life. 

If you ever notice the girl who changes her Facebook relationship status to “in a relationship” at the drop of a hat, this is her.  She may not even disclose the guy’s name, and it leaves many peers wondering who he actually is.  This woman is at the highest spectrum of insecurity and self-consciousness, and you will often hear her words along the lines of “all other girls seem to hate me.”  What she is really saying here is that she is jealous of more attractive girls, or that she actually doesn’t want to get on with most girls, such is her need to always be around a guy. 

She generally goes out with her boyfriend and his friends, and they all contribute in inflating her fragile ego to make her feel special in having so many guys wanting to talk to her.  Women in this category are often in need of male attention, and do not take kindly to having to share this with other prettier females.  During the times she rarely does go out with the girls, she is quiet and seldom smiles.  She clearly doesn’t feel at ease being there.  She will spend much of the night texting her boyfriend in weak belief others see this as a source of power, and she will hope he meets up with her later.  Not that she wouldn’t mind attention from other guys, but this girl’s priority in her life is her boyfriend. 

In truth, her boyfriend could be either a bad boy or a nice guy.  Due to her comfort need in possessing a boyfriend, she doesn’t really pay that much attention to the kind of guy he is, or even how he looks.  He is just a guy to call her boyfriend, as the main priority is simply belonging to one. 

The highest percentage of women in this compartment are not career orientated - hence why they live their life through the status of their boyfriend.  You can expect to see her in a low paid and low stimulating job as she counts down the hours before she can hassle him with a phone call.  When a relationship ends, she is devastated and obsessed with the thought of loneliness and how she perceives others will think of her as a single person.  She is oblivious to people’s knowledge of her sequence of boyfriends, and the ridicule that goes with it.


The Serial Dater will usually be of average looking, slightly above average looking or, in more excluded cases, cute in physical attractiveness terms, and she is almost always low in natural personality.  However, isolated ones could be stunners – examples mainly being girlfriends to celebrities.  Her good looks do not reflect in her lack of self-confidence, so desperate guys out there should be at the ready due to her availability to be taken.  You will get a bit of leeway from this girl, and your mistakes will often be forgiven.  Needless to say, not a lot of interaction strategy is required here.  She will give herself up almost suddenly, so the effort to reward ratio is heavily weighted in a man’s favour, and early sexual encounters will be available with little endeavour or money required.  She will be desirable to bad boys and beta males alike, with sex and pampering being their missions respectively.  A woman of this kind is heaven to a man dating above his league in physical attractiveness, as he has secured someone probably as visually stunning as he can attain without the need to supply a high level of other metrics like resources, status or personality.  She will be a loyal girlfriend.


A high value man wouldn’t be very stimulated mentally by this woman, although the beautiful Serial Daters will give him short term sexual relief if this is his objective.  Nevertheless, he must never believe her story that she is on a source of contraception.  If entering into a relationship, be ready for her supplicated ways and her preference for you to lose touch with your friends.  Her inclination to settle down with her future partner will be pronounced early on - therefore a man should be aware of the commitment word if this is on the radar.

The Shield of Steel

The Shield of Steel is the polar opposite woman of the Serial Dater.  She is a “girl’s girl”, and she lays claim to having far more important things in her life to allow for boyfriend time.  This is the woman who has listened to a lifetime of compliments from her parents which has enforced her to think and believe that no man is good enough for - unless he is a Hollywood movie star. 

The strangest thing is that she craves for a man to hit her buttons every bit as much as other women, but she has such high standards in men, and a high opinion of herself, that he is almost a male production of fantasy and perfection.  So an everyday guy off the street is below her perceived value of herself, and women of this nature are always tuned to find a man of higher status.  This kind of woman is often part of a close (if often small) group of friends, and she will make vain attempts to convince everyone, and herself, that as long as she has her friends around then she is fine.  A problem here though - she can easily fall out with any of them who cancel a night out, especially if it is to be with their boyfriend. 

Although she says she is happy for her friends being in relationships, deep down she wants nothing more than them to join the single party.  When they all go out she is rare to compliment a guy, as she holds onto her prideful reluctance to concede he has as much value as her.  This mindset assists her belief that the lack of male appeal in the world is down to the low numbers of high calibre men, and it is nothing to do with persona issues of her own.  She can appear distant and unapproachable on a night out, although she is far from one who abstains from an ego boost, even if it’s a compliment from an ugly guy. 

You will often find a relatively successful career woman in this category, with above average to high earnings.  This gives her the sense of independence and knowledge she can stand on her own two feet.  Whilst confident in herself, this can often be a front, and she can become bitter with life, and men, in general.  She isn’t against the thought of love, and she knows it can happen.  It’s just that she is so cynical towards men that she repels against it.  Bad boys, nice guys and high value men may all have been part of her past relationships, depending on the stage of her life, but in truth only a handsome high value man or a rich and high status nice guy can hold a chance in maintaining her interest over a stretch.


Because of her selectiveness, a man would hope that in the law of average she has not slept around as much as other types of women.  This makes her good girlfriend potential.  To have such high value in her own perception of herself, the likelihood is that a woman from this group will be physically impressive.  Combine this with her personality, independence and ambition, and you have an ideal relationship material woman on your shoulder.  If a man can show her that he is of high value standing, there won’t be too many bad boys and nice guys in his way as she will have disqualified them before they enter the room.  This woman will give you relationship space, as she is reluctant to show a man that she needs him in her life constantly.


Even when a man has been seeing this woman for up to 6 months, she may still not class him as her boyfriend.  Supplicated guys should abstain from these types of women, as they will not take kindly to a man in need of affection and attention.  Be ready for her compliance tests and critique to whether he can meet her requirements.  With this kind of woman, a man will feel like he is riding up a hill with no sign of relief.  She will subtly remind him of how fortunate he is to be with her.  Only the strong will survive, and only those who stand up to her rules will have a chance.  A laid back approach and good understanding of a woman’s true reality value to the world, and not the one she believes in, is purely imperative.  A man should never be afraid to lose a woman acting in this manner, and her knowledge of his apathy will attract her more towards him.   She is a glorified “daddy’s girl” really, and a weak man will feel inferior to her.  A man will have very little leeway with her - one wrong move and it could be game over, as she stays true to her belief she isn’t afraid to be alone.

The Romantic

A Romantic is a woman who has always believed in the fiction of true love, but she isn’t na├»ve enough to think relationships do not throw curve bulls along the way.  Although she isn’t necessarily a strong person, she also isn’t afraid to take the high road if life doesn’t suit her. 

She needs to feel loved by a man, and she is willing to give her heart and body to him, but she isn’t just interested in anyone.  This girl has the natural following trait of a Serial Dater, but she has relatively high standards depending on the level of value she is.  She’s a realist, and although she doesn’t attain a tick list as long as the Shield of Steel, she certainly has a type of guy in mind.  Because she can often act on impulse and emotion, this woman will often find herself embraced with the jerks out there.  These guys make her heart race, and although she is wary of them, she is slow to learn of their deficiencies.  When she does finally learn, a nice guy will give her a period of being placed on a pedestal before she sweetly tells him it’s over - and falls for the next jerk. 

She is the example of a girl who has believed she is so sweet and that she has had bad luck with the wrong men, but fails to realize she is drawn towards them.  Although she has a decent intelligence level, she is only moderate in self-confidence, and this manifests in limiting her career opportunities. She certainly isn’t desperate for a boyfriend, but she much prefers to be in a relationship than being single.  Whilst not blatantly seeking it, she likes the attention nice guys will give her. 

A Romantic will often have a large number of male platonic friends - she just doesn’t see them the way they would like her to.  You’ll notice this girl when out (especially when she’s single) as she will be looking around at potential boyfriends.  After a few drinks she is as vulnerable as the typical Serial Dater in succumbing to any poor male candidate who will give her attention.  She often has a best friend and a decent number of associate friends, but a boyfriend is really what makes her feel most special.  She believes in love and its power, but she is realistic enough to know guys will be guys.  However, this will never diminish her idealistic view that prince charming is out there.  If only she would admit she desires the bad boys.


Expect Romantics to be cute looking rather than immediate head turners.  Grade her up a level when she is out in physical attractiveness, and this is the perennial girl all the beta males would die for and all the bad boys find as effortless conquests.  The highest percentage of all women in the sexual market fall into this category, so logic would say there are plenty to go round for the high value men who find them attractive.  However, as explained, she isn’t a highly confident person.  A nice guy gives her security within herself for a while, and a bad boy, whilst breaking her heart, allows her to believe in herself that she has areas where she is higher value than him (usually looks and personality).  If a man can acquire this woman then she can offer him happiness, loyalty and infatuation like the others cannot.  All things being even, this woman will be hold the most pleasing character and personality for a man to consider as a girlfriend.  There is the balance between time with and without her, and she is comfortable to be around.  However, a man should never for the life of him think that very little interaction strategy is required on a Romantic, as she isn’t as sweet as she looks.  She will become bored, if she isn’t stimulated and challenged by her boyfriend, as much as any other woman with variable characteristics and emphasis on being in a relationship.


As much as a high value man may desire this kind of woman, and as much as she may find him attractive, this is when the logic of attraction becomes illogical.  Even if she is physically attractive, the majority of Romantics are lacking in confidence.  Consequently, her natural persona is one of insecurity and a lack of self-esteem.  When a man with high value engages with her, a feeling of discomfort, insecurity and vulnerability enters her mind.  This is an amalgamated feeling that isn’t experienced with a nice guy or a bad boy.  With them, she is somewhat in control.  Pre-conceived rejection is familiar in this scenario for a high value man, even if she has given him an indicator of interest beforehand.  Also, a man shouldn’t be surprised if she is receptive and friendly on the first meeting, only for her not to return his calls.  She has formed doubts in her mind the man’s value is far higher than hers, and she has vanished from the world in order to protect her emotions and ego.

The Summer of Love

This is a kind way of not saying - unofficial whore.  Although far less a number than some parties may claim, I won’t hide from the fact that a minority of modern day women will go through this phase on at least one occasion in their life.  And let’s not deny that this is exactly what some men want at least once in their life.  These women are rare, but it may just be a case where they want to experiment in sexual and unemotional ways. 

It may be that they have had their heart broken and want to disengage it for a few summer months.  Or they may make no apology that they just simply like sex with different men.  So switched off is this woman that unless he is a truly ugly guy, she may be anybody’s for the taking.  In fact, even the ugly guy with the correct attitude can appeal to these female types. 

The great thing about women like this is what you see is what you get.  They are usually honest and not worried about what others think of them.  In a way, they are the female alpha males.  In a world of women saying one thing and acting in the opposite way, or acting bad only to try and weakly justify their actions, I applaud the Summer of Love women out there for their unapologetic processes. 


High frequency, high quality and unconditional sex are the true selling points for this woman.  For a woman to be this way inclined, even for only a matter of days or weeks, it’s highly unlikely you will locate too many of high physical attractiveness in this category.  That said, there may be a few hot ones with very low intelligence, a lack of self-respect, and a low threshold of self-restraint.  But these women can help many guys.  A bad boy meets a bad girl.  A nice guy gets some experience and someone he will not idolize in his beta ways.  In the case of high value men, it is simply more women to benchmark against in order to capture higher calibre women in the future.  Everyone’s a winner.


Sexually transmitted diseases and possible pregnancies are the greatest risks.  And ensure she isn’t falling for you, because the likelihood is that beyond the enjoyment of sex – that will dwindle as time passes by – they are not the most mentally stimulating women for the longer term.

Every man will have his preference to the kind of woman he desires.  Some men will have the luxury of interaction, and beyond, with all four types.  A few men will be restricted to only one of the above, as this could be because of his lack of sexual appeal or simple predilections for a particular type of woman.  The women may, for a period of time, carousel between all four characters in her lifetime, but her channeled mind from a young age will lead her to predominately follow only one route.  Logic would put bad boys with Summer of Love women, high value men with Shields of Steel females, nice guys with the Serial Daters, and Romantics taking a split of these three criteria of men.  But sexual attraction rarely works in conjunction with logic.

Good looking high value men often get rejected through women being intimidated by them, along with trust issues due to their thoughts he could have any other woman at his disposal.  Consequently, these men can find it challenging to find girlfriends beyond short term sexual adventures.  High value women are often distant, unapproachable and unreceptive.  They have the most ruthless of standards in men and the highest opinions of their own worthiness to the world, and this conceited mentality acts as a catalyst to only date the highest status men.  The issue here is: as the highest status men desire the most physically attractive of women – even if these women have little to offer in personality or intelligence terms – the rare high value women who exist, especially if they are not of extreme physical beauty, may be finding it difficult to locate this choice of man.  So here you have the highest calibre of men and women on an overall sexual market value basis, yet they are the ones who often have the least amount of long term relationship experience.