“Today’s hero is tomorrow’s forgotten man.”
I heard some comment on a radio show the other day about how people contemplating breaking up with their partners should have done it in November, as it would be too cruel to do so in December. As Christmas approaches, surely nobody could have the heart to leave their “loved one” alone during the festive celebrations, so they said...
Bearing in mind that most relationship break-ups are instigated by the female member, I wouldn’t be too concerned for my fellow men just yet. The vast majority of women will put aside their indifference, or even distastes, in favour of what comes out of the wrapping paper. The more likely departure on her part will arrive in the New Year.
In my opinion, one of the most entertaining and informative posts published on this blog is linked here. It allowed readers to analyze how poorly men carry out their deliverables with respective girlfriends. Regular readers will be familiar with it, but for what is to be revealed, you will at least need to refresh the mind with regards to the parties involved.
Did they last, or was it a simple case of inevitability that derives from weaving of magic belonging to the sexual market?
Out of the three examples, I would have placed the most money on this relationship still being in tack. However, I knew something smelt fishy around September time when she changed her profile picture on Facebook to a portrait that no longer had his cheesy grin alongside her. This is usually the first tell-tale sign that naïve men (therefore most men) are not sharp enough to grasp.
About a month later I bumped into her. She came across as that little bit more flirty than usual, and it didn’t take long to give a long winded explanation that would lead an innocent listener to believe she had called it off due to his immaturity. She added how an older guy is more of her compatibility match, and that the ex-boyfriend keeps badgering her with reconciliation proposals – to which she has politely declined. She still says how highly she thinks of him as a friend and wishes him well. Does this sound familiar to anyone? For the record, I haven’t heard his side of the story.
By the logical law of averages, she will be telling the truth in so far that it was her who called it a day. A 21 year old woman is at her pinnacle of options in the sexual field, and even though he is as physically attractive as her in gender relativity, young men of similar age - nice guys by character as >80% are - tend to be clingy, jealous and possessive. A man in this situation wouldn’t comprehend his impending higher value in the sexual market compared to his cute, but not stunning, girlfriend. All this manifests to bring about a man who tries too hard. This way of acting is forgiving for a period of time, but dwindling appreciation and increasing frustration are the end product on the female psychological side of things.
This was the couple I most expected to end, and likewise at the earliest stage of the calendar year. I was right on both counts.
It turns out that after less than a couple of months from dating, he finds out she has a certain liking for a drink. Let’s just say that it goes beyond the partiality towards a social swig or two of lemonade. At this stage, any man with half an ounce of sense in female psychology would have got the hell out before any further damage was done. If a woman has a problem in the first place, the cracks can only be papered over for so long before it all comes back to haunt a clueless male sucker once more. The only time I may suggest keeping it going would be if she was of absolute top end hotness, and even then it would be wearing the safest condom ever and for no more than a few sloppy extra sexual relinquishments. The woman here doesn’t even come close to utilizing this mitigation.
But men in love carry on in vain hope that things will change, or she will change. Fat chance! Almost every adventure – vacations, day excursions, cinemas, concerts, shows, meals – were paid from the notes in his wallet. When he said enough was enough in June, she begged for another chance and that she would show how much she loved him. That extra chance he gave came in the gratitude form of her standing him up on the day of an expensive date, and to only days later find out she was cheating on him in sleeping with another man.
This “other man” is a carbon copy in physical appearance to the guy I know. No hair on top, average but older looking, and a not dissimilar build. If the truth be objectively told, the new guy is a slight downgrade on face value alone. No sooner had she been removed of “In a Relationship” than she had placed the new man in this same social network relationship status label. What on earth does this tell you about it all? The need to feel wanted, the fear of being lonely, and boyfriend validation requirement comes to mind.
Had you asked me 10 months ago, I’d have predicted that this woman would have been gone with the wind by the end of the year, with him still picking up the pieces of his broken heart and licking the wounds of his weary soul. They are in fact still together, so from this perspective only, I was wrong. Nevertheless, there is more to it than meets the eye of a couple who are so happily in love for another Christmas.
Once Valentine’s Day passed, I thought this would have left her a clear path to go her separate ways and onto someone more to her sexual hunger needs. But a girl in the final study year at University can somewhat, with justification, convince her mind that a steady, predictable, option-stricken, unchallenging but loyal boyfriend will maintain this smooth road ahead until she can fly with her own two wings. Add on the usual debt a student will have incurred once the graduation certificate has been achieved, and you can give further ammunition towards reasoning behind holding the hand of a giving man.
In the interim period between February and the summer, he booked a couple holidays for the two of them to adventure on. Without proof, I would hedge a fair bet that almost every penny was on his behalf. Sure, a woman who is grossly unhappy will still jettison from a man she doesn’t want to be with, but a man’s kindness and niceness, combined with a free few weeks in foreign sunshine that she couldn’t afford on her own behalf, will keep the run down engine ticking over that little bit longer. By the time the second trip is over we are into September, and thoughts of Christmas aren’t too far away if there isn’t a guaranteed replacement of greater lure.
But the evidence is not good on his part on these counts:
- She has removed her “In a Relationship” status.
- He has kept his equivalent relationship status on - with her name attached.
- Although she has the two of them as her profile picture, her timeline image (the far bigger emblem) shows her baby niece/nephew only.
- He has pictures of them as a couple on both his profile and timeline.
- Almost all pictures of the two of them show him with a far wider smile than her. He appears to be the much happier out the two.
- The “my perfect boyfriend” and “I’m so lucky to have him” kind of comments, so accustomed to the early stages of the relationship, are nowhere to be seen on her pages any more.
As documented in the past, sometimes a man does need to be careful when a woman is over-promoting how happy she is in having such a great guy. This will usually be the case as something for the cameras, and in fact her happiness levels are not close to the verbal language or written text. However, equally as concerning is when a woman has started off with complimentary statements, but over time they have fragmented into near on nothing. When this is the situation, it is almost always the predicament of a woman who no longer appreciates her beta nice guy boyfriend like she once did. This will be despite him executing every bit as much, if not more, as he always did.
So what can we take out of all this? Interpretations will always be there, but if you can view the forest through objectivity and honesty, absent of ego and agendas, trends will be drawn across the vast majority of modern day heterosexual bonds:
- Men try too hard, only to make their respective female partners less stimulated.
- Men, especially at an age where the woman is no older than 25, act like their girlfriends are the only woman existing on the planet.
- Women have far more power in relationships with most men when they (women) are aged up to 25, than post 25.
- Older men, in particular men who lack experience with an array of female intimacies, are just as susceptible to make the same mistakes with women as their younger selves.
- Men of all ages can make the same errors of judgment with older women as they will do with younger women. This is in spite of the undeniable fact that older women have less options in the sexual market.
- Men will give too much, too soon. This is a catastrophic error in leaving him with no place to go from there on in.
- Men wrongly believe that they need to put in much more to the relationship – in financial, emotional, energy and time aspects – than the woman they are with is inclined to do so. There is a firm disconnect between the theory and reality of the male thought process that is: “the more I give her, the more I will get back in return.”
- Women, by possible uncontrollable but probable conscious process in being of female nature – hence a mentality of self-entitlement – have appreciation thresholds that disintegrate over time.
- When a man senses his loved one slipping away, whether with conscious knowledge or ignorant denial, he will try even harder to please her in a misconception that it will make up for her indifference, distancing or even abhorred sight of his existence. When her actions symbolize this attitude, a man is very unlikely to ever retrace her optimum level of love, and he would be well advised to de-leverage his exertions from the past in releasing from the gas pedal and being firmer on the break pad.
The choice going forwards is always that of the man, but often the decision is not one produced from logic. As always, I put the question to you:
Do you desire to do less but receive more, or are you happy clawing through the bushes only to never find the prize at the end?