Saturday 23 December 2023

Do people regret having children?

 

“Regrets should never be condemned, especially if their regrets are based on honest words.  Those who paint an untrue rosy picture, often get caught with their pants down.” 

 

Considering it is a female narrator, this is about as honest an evaluation you will find regarding the pros and cons of having children:

*********************

Of course I did, and I find it hard to believe you can find anyone who didn’t.

At some points.

Children are an enormous drain on you, physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, financially. Pregnancy is miserable, and if you’re a man, the fact that your wife is miserable is also going to make you miserable, and you don’t get the hormonally charged rewards, nor do you have the hormonally charged brain mechanism that makes you forget the misery. (If the latter didn’t exist, the human species would die out, as no woman would have more than one child)

Once the child is born, you’re up feeding every two hours, and struggling to perform all the functions for a helpless infant who cannot even communicate their needs… even their one communication channel, crying, is also used merely for exercise, so it doesn’t even communicate that there is certainly a problem to solve!

This combination of stark terror, utter confusion, and extremely poor sleep goes on for months, and only gradually tapers out. When they are thirty, you’re still going to be feeling some degree of it.

But that leads to the opposite complaint; there’s an awful sense of loss that is continuous, as your child gradually grows away from you, away from needing you for everything, to needing you for some things, to needing you less and less… and it’s SUPPOSED to work like that.

The flip side of the coin is, it’s very rewarding, particularly if you had them on purpose, which suggests you have the sort of personality that WILL find it rewarding. I would not give up the experience for anything and ON BALANCE do not regret any of what it cost me.

But I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t regret some of the costs.

************************

Unless you are blessed enough to be born into great wealth, or you somehow fall into vast money via other sources, any honest person will tell you that the following are a negative consequence of having children:

·       Less money for yourself.

·       Higher stress and anxiety levels (mainly through financial implications children bring, but also just the natural day to day worry of being a parent).

·       Less time for yourself.

·       Less energy to do anything in life.

·       Less opportunity to accomplish what you would like to in life.

·       You will often physically appear, and likely feel, older than you are.

The female narrator pretty much travels her thoughts through three paths.  I will nuance my own take on it.

1)    When the baby is born, and probably up to a year or two, the positive feeling of bringing a child into the world is like nothing anyone can explain.  Their reliance on you is absolute, concurrent to you having to learn on the job (especially for the first one).  Nevertheless, the sleepless nights and constant worry cannot be totally ignored, and this negativity only compounds the higher the stress and longer the hours are within your profession.

2)    Pretty much from kindergarten through to further or higher education (and in some cases, even beyond), children will generally travel a linear line where their expectations and expense to their parents goes up and to the right, simultaneous to their appreciation and emotional dependence of their parents moving down and to the right.  Some children and adolescents are better than others in this respect, but what I write is a fair generalization. 

3)    Post leaving home, a typical sibling no longer has as much inclination to spend time with their parent, irrespective to whether said adult was a good parent or not.  The narrator as good as says this, and she alludes to the narrative that when a parent has done all to navigate their son/s and/or daughter/s to the independence line, the siblings are not so forthcoming in giving back.

Q-tip:                                                                                                                                          By and large, a parent is the giver, and the sibling is the taker.  This dynamic is unsurprising and to be expected, such is the fact it was the parents’ choice to produce the child in the first place.  Some children of parents may even think in later life, such is their bleak view of what life offers, that they wish their parents had never of bothered.

A common thought of men

I always remember sitting in an office a few years ago when the discussion revolved around having children.  My line director, aged just under sixty at the time, came out with these precise words:

“As much as I love my three kids to bits, if I had my time again, there is no way I would have any of them.”

My neighbour across the road effectively said the same thing.  He loves his daughter and son, but knowing what he knows now about the world, if he was in his twenties or thirties today, there would be no way he would desire to be a father.

I do not think it is any coincidence that both these men are of similar age, and more pertinent, with similar aged children (in their thirties).  When you and the kids are of elder years, I believe it is easier for men to be truthful to what they sincerely feel.

Contrast this to fathers in their twenties or thirties (and maybe forties, if these men had children later in life – with children aged as young as babies to teenagers.  You will not find many men, no matter how hard life seems as a primary consequence of being a father, confessing to such likely truth.  Part of this abstaining of verbal reasoning will be internal pride, and part of this will be to not upset his female partner.

A side story

One memory that always makes me chuckle is during last summer when I was waiting for a flight back home from Copenhagen Airport.  To kill a bit of time, and as a big fan of male fragrances, I had a look around the duty free area.  Stood next to me was a middle aged man with his wife and son (aged about eight).

The man clearly had a passion for nice fragrances too, as the look on his face appeared like a kid in a candy shop.  There was one particular Boss EDT which appealed to him, as he could not stop sniffing it.  I always wonder, with married men who like to smell nice, whether it is due to personal pride and good feeling, trying to impress other women, or a combination of both.

Along came the wife, and he told her how much he liked this fragrance.  He also asked for her opinion.  I could sense her apathy straight away, not so much with the scent but with the thought of him spending more of the family kitty (on himself!). 

What must have been an even bigger pill to swallow however was when the son said - “Come on Dad, you have enough already don’t you?”  His wife could not wait to agree.  As they walked off, I will never forget how he had one last spray, sniffing it as it fragmented into the air, with that insincere consoling in saying to himself – “This is what having a family does to you.”

What about women?

With women, and once more in particular younger women, it will be even more scarce to find those saying they regret having children.  You may actually find more women broadcasting how hard it is to be a parent than men saying likewise, but this is more to do with a need for drama, attention and sympathy, as opposed to any regret in being a mother.

In essence, women generally are more motivated to become parents than men.  Even in today’s world, far fewer women are career oriented than men or feel the urge to be the main breadwinner, therefore you will find greater numbers of women striving to be a parent in earlier time than equivalent or similar aged man. 

You also cannot ignore the social media whoring that now exists in the current day.  Many women possess as much of, if not a greater, inclination to show off baby and child to their army of social media followers, than the natural desire just to be a good mother.  What a sad state of affairs.

A final thought

The narrator makes the point of how rewarding having children is, especially if you have them on purpose.  What she is practically saying here is that a large percentage of people these days do not plan having children (or more to the point, the women either contrive a pregnancy, or they are just irresponsible in not taking contraception correctly).  Nevertheless, I do agree that when a child is planned, it must be a far more enriching outcome than conceiving with someone you barely know.

As someone who has never been a parent, I could be accused of being a natural pessimist of being a parent based on my own agenda.  Fair argument.  With that said, any person that knows me will be aware that I put my honest words well ahead of my ego or need to feel better about life.  If something is wrong in my life, I have no problem admitting this to be the case.

And there are not many days when I do not think about what it would be like to be a father, especially as so many people have commented on my natural comfort in interacting with children.  My response is always one of it being so much easier to appreciate children in small doses, in comparison to the day in, day out leaning on my shoulder. 

In conclusion, there is no right or wrong way in how to navigate your life.  Most of it is fate anyway.  One thing I have always stood by though is to criticize people who seem to think having children is the only sane, sensible, natural, and mature path of life. 

For anyone to know this, they would need to live two simultaneous lives – one in being a parent, and one in not being a parent.  Until such a day when AI or evolved technology caters for this, nobody can honestly say which route is the better.  But if you have no regrets, the route you chose, or perhaps the route life pathed out for you, is an easier one to accept and appreciate.

Saturday 9 December 2023

Older men broken-hearted by younger women

 

“If there is one common theme I have learnt, it is that when people come out with the truth, no matter how gruesome it seems, they all subsequently feel better about life.  When you find someone looking stressed and worried, they are most likely lying to themselves.” 

 

I have heard more than a few situations in recent times of older men who have been driven to despair by their much younger girlfriends or much younger women they became entangled with.  As a writer, advisor and, if someone wishes me to be, mentor in giving men the best understanding of emotional female psychology, this subject fills me with a cocktail of sympathy, frustration, bewilderment, and pity - all mixed into one big shit show that results in the end product.

My biggest mistake

To illustrate where I once was, allow me to explain this short story during my late teens.  Facing up to your own mistakes, in my opinion, is the only was in truly learning how not to make the same errors of judgement in the future.

I got involved with a girl who was a year younger than me (our two ages are not relevant to the purpose of this post, but it is just to outline the scenario).  She had not so discretely shown her interest in me during the previous weeks, but it was not until late October time of that year when we started seeing each other.

I would say that her interest in me was higher than my zealousness in her at that stage.  I was attracted to her, but perhaps not in any infatuation manner.  There is most likely reasoning in this of course, in terms of a woman never being more attracted to a man than when she is the chaser.

From the point of dating up until the new year, the attraction balance moved to a much more neutral gauge to, if the truth be told, me being slightly more interested in our relationship than her.  From January up until Valentines Day, it was clear how her enthusiasm disintegrated over those six or seven weeks, simultaneous to mine staying the same.  She did not buy me a Valentines Day present (from recollection, I am not sure she even gave me a card!).

Valentines Day itself was a joke, and my naivety and lack of understanding regarding women back then stood out like a sore thumb.  When I picked her up around midday, she made it an instruction that she was only available until mid-afternoon - to which she needed to be home to prepare a dinner for her guy friend and best (girl) friend.  With a pair of balls to assist me, bearing in mind I paid for the whole day as a student during the same timeframe she worked a full-time job, I should have known she wanted out when the time would suit in the very near future.  I hate myself for not knowing this basic principle back then.

Nevertheless, it got worse on my behalf.  God knows why, but after I dropped her off and went home, I felt the need to go back and park my car near to where she lived.  I guess part of this was a lack of trust emerging, and another part was just a will to feel I was still in her life that day. 

The inevitable parting of ways occurred around early March, with her citing that her commitments to work and studies were not accommodating of boyfriend time.  Low and behold, a few weeks later I heard she was seeing someone else (a below average looking dude too, it should be said).  I hated her for all she had done, but I still loved her simultaneously.  I spent the whole spring and summer thinking about her every moment of the day, sometimes deliberately going to venues where I knew she would or might be. 

There is one big factor to all this though.  I was a teenager!

Q-tip 1:                                                                                                                                  Make your mistakes with women early in your relationship cycle of life, and then learn from each and every mistake you make.  Ensure you are never that older man making the same mistakes as your younger self.

The fatal male mistake

A few years ago, I had a friend who was in his forties.  He told me about this nineteen year old Polish woman at work who had been flirting with him, in spite of her having a boyfriend (also Polish, and who also worked there).  She was attractive from the pictures he showed me, without being unbelievably stunning or anything.

The things he told me – bearing in mind at that time I had been writing about the subject of women for over five years – made me want to put my hands over my head, and in turn strangle him in attempts to shake some sense into that brain of his.  He would tell me how one day she could not stop looking at him and would be touchy-touchy and feely-feely, followed by another day where she would blank him.  As much as I, in easy summary, tried to make him understand that she was clearly a perennial attention seeker and prick teaser who would not be leaving her boyfriend for him, he just could not get this painful truth inside his skull.

Then one early morning, I saw him in his car waiting for the gym to open.  He appeared totally dazed and zombie looking.  When in the gym, it appeared like he was struggling to breathe, almost to the point where I was expecting him to have a panic attack.  Looking back, this anxiousness on his part was because in a few minutes time he would be venturing towards the workplace.

That was the last time I ever saw him.  I later found out that he was placed on absence leave, and later still he claimed mental health issues.  Not long later, he left the firm.

Without proof, a simple jigsaw puzzle configures this:

·       His obsession uncontrollably made him harass her at work.

·       She reported him to Human Resources.

·       They put him on absence of leave due to the above events.

·       He claims mental health due to the work stress.

·       The two parties agree on a settlement, and he is gone with the wind.

Another older man / younger woman predicament

Only today, I was speaking to a gym buddy who has a few dozen labourers reporting to him in a warehouse environment.  He told me that one of the men – aged forty-four – had got involved with an eighteen year old woman.

The girl, as she can only be described as, started to cheat on her older lover.  Not only this, but she wanted out of the relationship.  The man went into my gym mate’s office to inform him of this dire state of affairs, and he has gone off with stress/personal reasons.

When will men ever learn?

As much as similar aged women to these two respective older men (and older men generally) hate the thought of this possibility, there is nothing illegal or necessarily wrong about a man becoming romantically and/or sexually involved with a significantly younger woman.  If they both know what they are getting involved in, why should anybody or anything stand in the way?

The problem is, if you are that man who strives to hunt down or in undeliberate process finds himself in the midst of a much younger woman, you need to attain a good amount of experience with women on a wholesale basis in order to know the waters you will be swimming in.  Women who are much younger than you will want and do much different things compared to women of similar age to you, and you need to be fully aware that a lot of these habits, pastimes, and character traits will not be to your liking.  Your dick can only work so hard to conceal what will be inevitable anxiety, frustrations, and annoyances.

Q-tip 2:                                                                                                                                       As illogical as this may seem, the logic in reality is this.  Men who attain a lot of experience and knowledge acquired from past relationships with women, are men who are best equipped to date much younger women.  Men who have accrued only pocket-sized past experience (and as a by-product, minute knowledge) with other women, are men who are better advised to get involved with women their own age, or even women who are older.

Which types of women are less or more likely to go for older men?

In the easiest summary and explanation as possible, I would categorize as such:

Girl’s girls

Girl’s girls – a woman who is prevalent for female outings/socializing and social media whoring/attention – is less likely to seek a much older man than herself, especially if he is not a man who looks considerably younger than his birth certificate.

One reason is because she will often perceive her own credibility to be reduced in dating someone much older, however the bigger reason is because dating an older man is associated with getting older herself.  Most girl’s girls, from my experience, have a greater fear of getting old than other women, therefore they will go to extensive lengths in trying to stay younger.  This is why you find a decent share of girl’s girls in their late twenties and early to mid-thirties who date a man a little younger than herself.

With this said, a girl’s girl will usually get intimate with a much older man if he is from the high wealth spectrum.  What she has to gain from this will outweigh the aforementioned distastes. 

Homely girls

Homely girls – a woman who holds a far greater inclination to always be with her male partner – is more likely to be open in becoming associated with a much older man.  Again, this will be more prominent if he looks younger than his chronological age, although it may not be a deal breaker if he is not.

I find that, due to their infrequent time spent in female girly nights, drama, attention-seeking, and immaturity, most homely girls are more mentally mature and grown up than other female characters (in particular, in comparison to girl’s girls).  With this in mind, it is rational thinking to conclude that, in possessing a greater female maturity herself, she will naturally desire a man who is far more settled and mature than the men of similar age to her.

Homely girls are also in a comparable sizeable hurry to settle down with respect to commitment, housing ownership, monogamy, marriage, and motherhood.  All this is far more likely to be located with an older man.

A final thought

I guess, in the simplest conclusion, it is a simple case of most men belonging to a male existence that is high in sex hunger, concurrent to being low in emotional female psychological knowledge.  His penis is drawn towards much younger and hotter women than women his own age, but he lacks the basic, or better still extensive, knowhow to why women act the way they act.

Because if a man thinks the way a younger woman acts – in so far as mind games, lies, disappearance, fidelity, mood swings, maturity etc – is the same as a woman his own age, then he is in for a rude awakening.  This will explain why so many older men who find themselves involved with much younger women, like the two exampled men in this post, are not as a coincidence ending up with mental health issues.

Q-tip 3:                                                                                                                                         If you deep down know you cannot mentally cope with the games younger women will play, it would be prudent to not get embroiled with them in the first place.  If you know you can easily deal with it, you should lead with your sexual urges, in knowledge that the in due course games she will play, and inevitable parting of ways which thereafter occur, will be no skin off your nose.

Q-tip 4:                                                                                                                              Women do not in fact naturally or voluntarily play less mind games with men as they get older.  Their lower desirability projected onto men, and their decreased options via male takers, enforces them to make a conscious, even if reluctant, decision to not play these games as much.

Friday 24 November 2023

Men in newly wedding rings – how do women respond?

 

                   “Forbidden love is like being addicted to something.  It feels good at the time                                    and gives you pleasure, but there’s no good that can come from it.”                           (Mark Twain)

  

As much as the above phrase holds a lot of sense and logic in reality terms, you want to try telling women that no good can come from it.  The more you tell them this, the harder they will try for it to work and to prove you (or the phrase) wrong.  Even if they are fully aware no good can derive from it, it will not stop them one ounce in still going through with the forbiddances. 

Q-tip 1:                                                                                                                                     The more drama, self-attention and (usually legal, but sometimes illegal) wrongdoing something in life has attached to it, the greater a woman will strive to achieve it.

About two months ago, I recollected this previous post written nearly a decade ago.  I sometimes have to wonder where time goes.  One thing is for sure, it goes too fast, and I doubt there are many honest people out there who think much differently.  Time is nobody’s friend, and time only serves to try and punish you.  I digress….

When have I worn wedding rings?

In spite of never being married, the wearing of a wedding ring has been a generally intermittent, but occasionally regular, habit of mine.  I offer you the reasons to why I have done so:

·       As someone who looks like I do (far more alpha and good looking than the average man), yet who has mainly worked in predominantly beta male environments and industries, the immediate perception another man will put on me is dislike and that I should not be there, and I am just a player amongst loyal and committed (and most usually, not in demand with women) men.  Perception is an evil tool; however key personnel can often make decisions based on what makes them feel better about themselves (even if this decision is not the most productive and beneficial).  When men see me in a wedding ring, the warmer reception I receive from them is undeniably pronounced in comparison to if I did not wear one.

·       Similar to the above, women in meetings or interviews I have attended also look upon me more fondly when they see a wedding ring on my finger, in contrast to the times they were less amiable when I did not wear it. 

·       Whilst few women will go out there way to directly ask a man out (they will usually wait for him to ask her, no matter how blatant her interest), on the rare occasions I have found myself in these situations, a wedding ring can give me that distance from her growing enthusiasm.  This of course is applicable to women to whom I am not sexually attracted.

·       I tend to be a person who other men either really like or totally dislike.  There has never been much in between.  In respect to the latter group, it is an unproven (but plain to see) circumstance of their jealousy towards what they see.  Whilst this is not a major reason at all to wear a wedding ring, to take a metaphor, I am not going to knock a gift horse in the mouth.  Simply put, men in social environments are friendlier and less aggressive towards me when they see me in a wedding ring.

·       Women with antagonistic behaviour and body language towards me, similar to the exampled men as described above, also appear to manifest a greater warmth towards me when they spot the ring on the finger.  Again, not that this is any skin off my nose either way, but it likewise does not do any harm.

·       So many women in my life have given me indicators of interest, only to reject me when I have approached them and asked them if they would like us to get to know each other.  These women have nearly always later been seen with average to above average looking men.  As much as it would appear I am dragging myself down to these respective women’s level in games and maturity terms, it gives me a good feeling for them to later see me wearing a wedding ring.  It puts their nose out of joint, and if the truth be told, I get an enriched feeling from this somewhat retribution. 

The most important reason – attracting attractive women

Nevertheless, with acknowledgement to all the above points, by far the most relevant and important choice to wear a ring has been based on, rightly or wrongly, my prediction that it will benefit me in the face of women I would like to get romantically, or just sexually, involved with. 

With that said, and whilst I would like to think that I have been decisive and consistent with everything I have written in this blog over the last decade, I equally appreciate that for some men like me, this may not always be the best decision to make.  If you take another look at the post I wrote in 2014, you will clearly see how I caveated this conundrum accordingly.

What did I choose to do?

When I went on a short vacation towards the end of September, this naturally meant that I did not attend the gym for about ten days.  This gave me a convenient time, on return, to start wearing a wedding ring in the gym.  Most people in there – bearing in mind nobody in there knows me personally or on a deep level – would just assume that I got married in the time I was away.

If the truth be told, I also wanted to amuse and intrigue myself regarding how women in there would respond.  It has now been a month; therefore, I offer my findings.  Also bear in mind that, over the last three years I have been a member in this gym, there have been a good few dozen women who I sensed sexual interest in me.  I must have spoken to at least twenty of them.

·       One female that stood out just so happened to be a young woman who I had never seen in there before I went away.  I think she only joined about five weeks ago.  She has been very pleasant and engaging (we now speak most times we see each other in there), and the ring most certainly does not put her off.  It is however impossible to compare her conduct against how she would have been prior to me wearing it.  I also think her pleasantness, in any case, has a lot to do with the fact she is no older than 21, and quite hot.

·       Another woman who I was interested to observe her etiquette is a Personal Trainer.  Although I have sensed her attraction in the past, this has also been amalgamated with somewhat resentment of my existence, no matter how friendly and acknowledging I have been with her.  To start with, she looked at my ring with a little tear in her eye.  As the weeks have gone on though, she has become more affable as every time has passed.  She has even gone as far, occasionally, to ask me how I am (almost alien for a woman to do these days, such is how wrapped up in their own lives they are)!

·       In terms of the women I have sensed attraction onto me (and who I am attracted to in return), but who I have never spoken to, my gut instincts have sensed a recognizable sway towards being more cordial as opposed to more negative body language.

·       Women who I am not attracted to (whether they have shown any sign of attraction onto me or not) have also come across as anything ranging from the same as before, to a greater warmth.

·       This finally leaves women who I have spoken to in there (the vast majority who I would like to take it further with) – aged approximately between 22 and 31.  Each and every one of them in the past, after showing an interest in me before I approached them, have either said they had a boyfriend or they cut the conversation short in moving away from me.  To each and every one of them, since they have observed the ring, they have looked a little disappointed.  Concurrently however, their body language has been noticeably more congenial. 

Q-tip 2:                                                                                                                                          I will never forget the words of a former female work colleague.  She said – “Women don’t want to be with you, but they don’t want another woman to have you.”

A final thought

In essence, this little experiment of mine has only confirmed and reinforced what I already knew, and what I pretty much predicted to happen.  To illustrate what my former work colleague alluded to, women will only start to appreciate a man when they start to think it is too late to have him.

In truth, and to elaborate on this female psychological way of acting in these scenarios, the vast majority of women do not want to be with a man like me.  The reasons have been explained inundated time before on this blog.  The problem is, this defaulted message in their minds to not want to be with me, fights a battle with the other side of the mind in not wanting me to be with anyone else.  Cake and eat it, to take a phrase.

In conclusion, women want the best of both worlds.  A woman desires to be with a lesser looking man than she in order to feel better about life and herself, but she does not want the better looking man than her boyfriend/fiancé/husband – a man she will possibly have turned down – to be with another female competitor.  If she had her way in life, said hot man would fall into indefinite celibacy.  At least, her ego would think this way (strangely, her heart and sexual feelings want to fantasize in him sleeping with as many beautiful women a possible).

Q-tip 3:                                                                                                                                         If a woman sustains a tear to her eye and a sharp pain to her heart when she sees a man with another woman, part, or all, of her deep down wants to be with him.  If a man was having sex with another woman in front of her eyes, yet she barely gives a toss, he may as well be invisible to her existence. 

A final, final thought

By the way, if you were to do a quick engine search on this topic in terms of investigating an online forum or comments section within a designated article, you will find a lot of predictable comments from women.  The lion’s share of these female comments will consist of words to the effect that they are not more attracted to men who wear wedding rings (all else being equal for credibility to the analysis), and in fact they would stay away from these already committed men.

Most scientific studies, but far more importantly your real life experience and observations, will of course indicate otherwise.  Women have very little to non-existent contrition in lying, especially with regards to emotional and relationship oriented subjects they are faced with, in order to, on the outside, make it look as if they are ethical, moral and, for want of a better term, good people.

As always, as a strong man with a pair of balls and a bit of common sense, you need to rise above this bullshit and say it for what it is and what you see.  Watch what women do, and do not listen to what they say.

Wednesday 8 November 2023

Mate guarding is not a good look

 

“He who constantly looks over his shoulder, is he who is outwardly afraid.” 

 

Let us start with a textbook definition of mate guarding:

Mate guarding is the physical guarding of a female in order to deny rival males the opportunity to mate with her and is one of the most commonly used defensive strategies observed in mammals (Nichols, Amos, Cant, Bell, & Hodge, 2010), birds (Hoi, Tost, & Griggio, 2011), insects (Simmons, 2001), and fish (Alonzo & Warner, 2000).

The animal kingdom, in many ways regarding female and male existence, is not much different to human behaviour when considered to how the male species acts in this respect.  In both cases, they are essentially doing the same thing.  The reason human deportment is more fascinating, in my mind at least, is because the psychological element to such ways of behaving is that bit more intriguing to explore.

Taking animals first, the male is fundamentally, and almost solely motivated in, attempting to not allow another male competitor to mate with his female companion (or the female he is attempting to mate with).  In simple terms, he does not want anything else to stand in the way of him mating with her.  There is very other little consideration to him.  Sometimes he will fight off the male rival, whilst other times he will submit to a superior force he cannot compete or fight with. 

Now taking humans, the male is pretty much doing the same thing.  He does not want any other man to have sex with his female partner, or the woman he is trying to bang, in putting it bluntly.  Nevertheless, his mate guarding tactics are a little more subtle than exampled animal.  More to be explained on this later.

A relevant anecdote

There is a woman in the gym who I wrote a post about last year.  Without going back on old ground, it was obvious she was, and seemingly still is, attracted to me.

Since the early part of this year, there has been a man who looks in his mid-twenties trying to grind her down.  He is a 7/10 in physical attractiveness terms, so in respect to her, he falls perfectly into the approximate 10% deleverage strike zone that most women strive for.

On paper, this dynamic in him being 10% to 15% less physically attractive than her should have been an easy path for her to continue on with him.  After all, providing he did not have bad odour or something, there is very little obstruction for her to venture on with him on this basis.  However, it was clear for a couple of months that she was not exactly being forthcoming in making this, on paper once more, somewhat easy decision.

The main reason behind this is, in my knowledge of how women think and act, because he is about three inches shorter than her.  The number of times she would speak to him – for attention purposes in the early stages – ensuring either she was sitting down, or he was sitting down, was too transparent for any person with two brain cells to not fathom.  She would often take her trainers off when near him too, just to bridge the height gap as much as she could.

About three months ago, she and her female best buddy must have had some kind of falling out.  It was amusing that one day they were always acting like little girls and carrying out over-exaggerated laughing, to almost overnight walking past each other with devil eyes.  Without any proof, my guess is that the tall blonde (the woman referenced in this post, and the previous post) let her “friend” down on a so called agreement to go on a holiday or rent a house together.  Again, just a hunch.

Anyway, around this time of the fallout, it was clear that she finally submitted to the guy who had pursued her for months on end, and they had become a couple.  I even noticed from the other side of the gym where the two of them were training on the cables together, and every time they went to talk, she kind of crouched down a little to less expose the height difference.  I certainly do not think it was any coincidence that she started dating him at the time of the fallout with the other woman. 

Jealous male mate guarding

It just so happens every Wednesday, gym routine people as we are, that a common time occurs when I work out on a bench a couple of yards diagonally in front of her.  As someone he will have sensed her being attracted to (and she may possibly have told him this pre-dating phase), in addition to being one of the rare men in there who actually smells decent, it is plain to see his discomfort and jealousy when this occurrence hits him in the eyes.

What he does to counteract this displeasing disposition is to, as soon as he sees her and I in close proximity, move from his training area and start to help her train.  It really is pitiful, but in essence this is what human male mate guarding is in a nutshell. 

Not only does this man fail in what is right to further attract women (in particular women you are already dating), but this also has a negative effect on his training results, such is his endeavours in wasting time staying close to her.  Bad move, on both counts.

Do women like male mate guarding?

The easy explanation to this question is to effectively summarise how women act in two extreme psyches.  On the one side you have her ego, and on the other side you have her heart (and sexual arousal to accompany her heart).  A woman seeing her male partner (or a man generally) trying to mate guard will enjoy the head swell ego boost to illustrate that a man in her life is so into her that he will go to the lengths of mate guarding and competitor interception, but the other side of her will concede that by acting out this mate guarding trait, he has taken away what beats her heart faster and makes here panties wet – due to him making it too blatant that he is doing such thing.

Because a man mate guarding is in no uncertain terms a man who is jealous, insecure, and contains a feeling of inferiority in comparison to the man or men he is mate guarding her from.  Deep down women know this, and in their honest veins no woman is sexually attracted to a man who is showing these character colours.  This is not to say many, many women do not tolerate the irritable feeling that mate guarding negatively decorates, because as implied above, most modern day women will go with their egos over their hearts.

Is mate guarding productive or unproductive?

Before answering this question, the first aspect to address is simply numbers based.  In the modern day, most (>80%) of women will put their egos ahead of their hearts, and most (>80%) men are beta males who uncontrollably and by default deliver with mate guarding strategy.  With this considered, you could make a firm argument that mate guarding is beneficial in securing, and keeping, a woman.

On the other hand, if you have morals and principles to be the best version of yourself as feasibility allows, accustomed with taking a firm preference in getting women to be sexually attracted to you rather than making them feel better about life and themselves, then mate guarding is a complete no go zone.  As with everything, the choice is that of your own.

Q-tip:                                                                                                                                       Men low in confidence, but high in jealousy, insecurity and inferiority will be prominent of mate guarding.  Men who are the inverse to this, combined with savviness and high knowledge of what makes women tick, keep their distance from their female partners, even when many other men are around.  When all said and done, it is simple assessment to how good a catch you believe you are for her in contrast to the hoards of other males around her.

Side note

I wrote most of this post a few weeks ago, before finalizing today.  In this interim time, the woman and man I reference in this post have evidently left the gym to join most likely another place.

My hunch tells me this change of events is two-fold.  He gets her away from a venue where there are edgier men who she sets her eyes on than him.  She alleviates herself from the irritable and resentful feeling and day in day out experience of having to look at men she would, in honesty and sexual instinctiveness, want to have sex with more than the man she is with.  For now, it works beneficially for both.

Friday 20 October 2023

People fail to understand the female emotional mind

 

“If everyone followed their own advice, the world would belong to far fewer hypocrites.”

  

This question from a post I came across made me chuckle somewhat: 

“My fiance got his co-worker pregnant. Our wedding is in 2 months and everything’s paid for. He says he still loves me and that he made a mistake. What should I do? What would you do?”

It did not amuse me because of the situation may I add, as the woman has my sincere sympathies, but it was more to do with the question per se, and the subsequent predictable counselling that was returned to her.

Taking the latter first, the comments are as you would expect.  I skimmed down a number of them, and the response theme, from both other women and men, is that she should not stay with him, irrespective of the set of circumstances.

Even if clear and simple, and at the risk of sounding obvious, this is the logical and correct advice.  As many of the commenters directly said or alluded to, a mistake is speeding in a car, putting on the wrong socks, taking a piss in a public area you thought was hidden because your bladder was exploding.  A mistake is not committing infidelity.  Infidelity in terms of consented sex is predetermined, no matter how much under the influx of alcohol or drugs you may be.

Q-tip 1:                                                                                                                              Women and men are very prompt and direct in condemning infidelity.  Usually, it is because they are not desired enough by the opposite sex to cheat themselves, and other times they are bitter and jealous because they are not able to do so. 

Even as someone who has never cheated himself, I never take a condemner’s words seriously when they speak about adultery unless I know them personally.  This is because it is easy to criticize a person when you have never been in that position yourself.  If you have been in that position, and you have made the wiser choice than the one you condemn was incapable of doing, then conversely, I am all ears to the words you speak.

The woman’s question examined

With my knowledge of female emotional psychology, the question is also predicable in terms of knowing what she wants to do, and most likely, what she will do (or did).  In case you have not worked out my cynicism at this point, I would place a fair bet on the likelihood she did, even after all this, stay with him.

The first giveaway is the question itself.  Any person with an ounce of pride and common sense would not need to ask even one person what he/she should do, or what another (hence, the person you are asking) would do.  Your pride and common sense alone should look at a person who has cheated on you with disgust, and after the heartache has eased and tears have dried, see it as a lucky escape.

Whilst acknowledging this being a poor comparison, for a moment I put myself in her shoes.  If I found out a woman cheated on me two months before our wedding, and she got herself pregnant to the dude, even if I poured every penny I ever earned into the wedding day, credit cards and debt to accompany, I would not even need to contemplate for a single second in staying with her.  I could never look at her in the eye without repulsiveness.  I could never like her as a person again.  I would never hold an ounce of respect towards her from that day on.  And, even if not feasible there and then, I would most certainly fall out of love with her as the days tick by.

The woman’s thought-process

Nevertheless, women, and especially a woman in her position, do not act with logic.  I offer some reasons to why this is the case:

·       There is a good chance the man she is with is relatively, maybe even highly, sought after in the eyes of other women.  As clear-cut as this may seem, it is no coincidence that the higher a man’s attraction towards other women, the more likely he is to cheat.  Equally, the lower a man’s appeal to other women, the less likely he is to be caught with his pants down.

·       With the above explanation in mind, the woman who has been cheated on may think she will never secure a better man than her fiancé.  As has been explained in the past on this blog, a woman will usually opt for a sought after but unfaithful man, over and above a less desirable but faithful man.

·       In conjunction with both the above points, there is a fair chance the woman is in her mid/late twenties to early thirties (based on the usual marrying female age).  Even after her fiance’s misdemeanours, she may feel time is not in her favour to start again and find a suitable male partner.  It is almost like spending years climbing to the top of a mountain, falling down, and realizing it will take even longer to climb back up.  Time is nobody’s friend, but it is much harsher on women (than men) in the thought-process of having to start again.

·       Even as little girls, a female mind is channelled to dream and fantasize about her wedding day.  Especially in this day and age, the numbers of men who will propose to a woman (or more to the point, men who can offer women the dream wedding) are dwindling year on year.  With this considered, many women, even women who have been cheated on and found out their male partner has got another woman pregnant, will hold a motivation for a self-exposing and attention-seeking day that overpowers the ill feeling his actions have caused. 

·       As illustrated in this previous post, the way the female emotional mind works is to be more attracted to a man when he attains preselection proof.  Even after all this, the woman in the centre of this predicament will find her cheating fiancé more sexually attractive than before she found out.  The very strong and sensible women will walk away due to what he has done, but let us be honest, strong and sensible women are extremely rare in percentage terms.

Q-tip 2:                                                                                                                                      No matter how hurt her pride, ego and heart is, a woman will still usually make a decision based on how much she has to gain.  This is a simple reason why so many women stay with men who have breached their trust.

A final thought

For all the wise and accurate words this woman received, I did not see one comment which dissected her decision like I have done in this post.  This is not any attempt to blow my own trumpet.  This is to emphasize how people, and especially men, appear to have no clue to why women make the decisions and choices they make.  Women are more clued up than men in their comprehension (after all, they are women!), but they do not take fondly to being exposed for how they emotionally think, and consequently act out.

Q-tip 3:                                                                                                                                         It is in a woman’s interest for men to lack conscious knowledge of how the female mind works in both emotional and psychological ways.  For as long as this is the case, they can sustain the life of taking a man for a fool, and him being none the wiser.

In essence, giving advice is easy.  What is a far harder task is understanding how people think in psychological respects, and subsequently offering guidance based on understanding how that person’s mind works.  If you fail to do this, you are effectively basing your argument on all people being the same.  I call that ignorance, for want of a better word.

And as much as many people may criticize my life – in getting romantically involved with women significantly younger than me, abstaining from commitment, never being a father or getting married, taking long vacations on my own etc – whilst there are people out there who have committed infidelity, or men who have walked away after impregnating women (and never knowing or contacting their sons or daughters), I can confidently say to myself, and to them if they so wish to hear it, that I am twice the person you are.  If you desire to criticize my life, I suggest you take a closer look to home.  Rant over…