Alpha Male true origin explanation

 

                                   “He who strives attention is a product of weakness.                                       He who obtains attention with no expenditure is a manufacture of excellence.”

  

There was a personal trainer in the gym I went to for many years within a small town (Burton upon Trent) who I became familiar with mainly because the locals I trained with, who were also friends of mine, were on speaking terms with him.  He was always chatty and friendly when they were around, but it did not take long to realize how his eye contact with me was minimal.  At the time, one could say this was simply because he was not familiar with me.

As the months (and subsequent years - as he basically never changed what I am about to explain) passed by, his negative and awkward body language around me was as pronounced as any honest person would face up to and admit.  When we walked past each other, one on one and with no one either side of each of us, as I held solid eye contact, he would look down.  When I was with my training buddies and he was in the vicinity either on his own or with a client, he would go out his way to criticize my form at any given opportunity.  Granted, there were times when this critique was justified on his part, but I clearly recall one of the other dude’s technique being worse than mine, yet this PT would not be as verbal towards him.

Another amusing year on year poor execution and attitude on is part was to, around the late springtime, comment on why I was so tanned.  The first time he introduced this topic, I replied by saying it was simply because I was mixed-race, and that the sun hits me very easily.  I kid you not, the following year he approached the subject in the exact same bitter and hostile manner.  This time I responded by smirking and saying:

“Did we not have this same conversation a year ago?”

He just put his head down and tried to appease things by muttering words to the effect that I was lucky.

I will also never forget one more amusing encounter on a random weekday.  I could not train on that particular early morning due to work commitments, therefore I went in around 4pm.  After a quick workout and shower, he asked me with fear in his question why I was training at this time.  His concern was obvious.  It is no coincidence that a lot more bangable women train in the late afternoon and early evening in comparison to early mornings, and he feared that if I changed my routine to this nature, the girls he liked would naturally spot my presence.

His physical appearance

As no great surprise with regards to his apparent acrimony and jealousy towards me, I sum up his physical appearance as follows:

·       5 ft 9” in height

·       Very good natural physique

·       Average facially in looks terms

·       Bald / Shaven head

·       Pale skin (he liked to tan, but went red as a pickled lobster to start with)

Does this kind of physical summary make you think of anyone or anything that strikes to mind?  Basically, he was that typical above average (but no more) man in overall physical attractiveness.  The perennial 7/10 guy.

As a mention of his non-physical appearance credentials, he had an unenviable (but not his fault, just genetics I assume) high pitched voice tone.  I never saw him drive a car, although he did live in the town centre that would have been easily within walking distance from the gym.  Being a personal trainer and based on him attaining a decent list of clients from what I saw and heard, his income would have been rewarding without being exceptional.

A bit more background

Did anyone notice the small-town information in the first paragraph.  Basically, being a personal trainer in a small town would make him a well-known guy, as he pretty much was with many.  A man attaining high social status accompanied with above average (but not great) physical attractiveness will, providing he held decent other offerings, be a dream ticket for a high percentage of women. 

I know of a few women he had nailed.  None of them were outstanding, but the ones I knew of were a minimum 7/10.  I do not doubt there were many more.  As a woman gets the word around that a man has nailed women that she knows, this only attracts said woman as well.  It is a compounding positive – the more women who have sexual history with a man, the more other women are consequently attracted to him.

Why the long face around me, mate?

With all this considered, if he already possesses a portfolio of women around him, and a likely prospective female list awaiting, then why would this explain his hostility around me?  Before I elucidate the fundamental reason, allow to me to give you a small anecdote which still makes me chuckle to myself today.

One of my gym buddies (Andy), who was not a bad looking man at all himself, was (and still is) one of the great men of the world.  He is rarely negative about anything, and his positivity certainly radiates on others.  

With these natural traits, it gives an easy simplification to why he is an exceedingly rare man who never had a hesitation in complimenting me.  With rarity further exemplified, he embraced my existence rather than resenting it, and consequently he enjoyed being around me rather in contrast to avoidance.  The vast majority of men would not praise me (not that I would ask them to or go looking for it in the slightest) if their life depended on it, and they do anything possible to not be near me.

Andy was known to be proud of his good looks, although in fairness I would have rated him as the no more than the higher end of above average (7.5/10).  Another gym buddy and his best friend (part of our training group) asked Andy a few years ago if he thought he (as in Andy himself) was on a similar level to me.  Andy, in an absolute genuine and gratifying way, replied by saying “No chance”.

Andy later would label me as “Enrique” – as in Enrique Iglesias.  Whilst I could not say I was quite on that level, he was not the first person to mention the similarity.  One day Andy was having a chat with our personal trainer friend, and as I walked near them, Andy raised his voice to say, “Here he is, Enrique.”  He followed it up by telling the PT why he called me that.  He also said in front of the two of us (in reference to me) that “He is too good looking for his own good.”  I looked at the PT’s face, and it was not a pleasant reaction.  A little "Huh" is what I recall him muttering, once more with his head faced to the floor.

In a nutshell, that little story illustrates and emphasizes why this personal trainer was uncomfortable and, quite frankly, not amiable around me.  Add on the fact that it is no secret how women will, mainly for troll points, happily broadcast how hot they think a man they know is (even though the vast majority of these women would never choose to date or sleep with said hot man).  I would hedge a fair bet that more than a couple of women may have said this in front of him. 

The Alpha Male wannabe

One particular training day, the personal trainer gave us some useful tips on chest training.  The following day, as I was leaving the gym and he was in the reception area, I commented and thanked him on his good advice.  He was probably the friendliest he has ever been with me, although it was no coincidence that other people were around, and it was not just the two of us in isolation.

He started going off on one about how so many young men in there are training inefficiently, and that they are doing it to try and be the main man and an alpha male.  Kind of weirdly and unnecessarily, he straight away said – “Not that you are an alpha male.”  I thought it was a strange thing to say, as it did not have a true link to say that.  It was like he was going out of his way to try and say this and highlight such reassurance of the case in his own mind.

My hunch, and primarily the meat behind the bones of this post, is that he was implying, without saying it in words as such, that he was the alpha male in there.

The Alpha Male…. and his competitors

Here are a couple of celebrity male pictures that would, in my opinion, describe what men like to symbolize as the true alpha male.

Closely followed by the alpha male’s competitors, who are far more effortlessly taking away the female attention from him, and much to his annoyance.

In essence, I think these photos, assisted by the explanations offered in all the above, perfectly sum up the origin to the alpha male.  Yes, we can all go back to the animal kingdom or similar, and subsequently analyse how the female species flocked towards the male figure who was attracting all the female (and other male) attention, but we are specifying on human reasoning here.

In my view, the whole alpha male phenomenon manifested via men who were not blessed with great male physical attractiveness – which represents >99% of men – but men who could offer something else where the bridge could be gapped.  In their mind, they could convince themselves that women actually prefer this type of man over and above the great looking hunk.

In a way, these men would be right in my perhaps ridicule of their wishful thinking.  Most women do prefer this kind of man, just not in the way these men realize.  These men (the alpha male wannabes) like to think that women are more sexually attracted to said alpha male.  Whilst in minority scenarios this is sincerely the case, it does not portray the real reason in majority instances.  The real reason is because said alpha male does not put a woman’s nose out of joint by possessing great male physical attractiveness that takes the spotlight away from her, but he is the next tier below in male looks comparison, concurrent to not being above her gender relative terms level.

Q-tip 1:                                                                                                                                  Once a man fathoms the main reason/s behind how women select men, they are in a much better place to capitalize on securing hotter women than they think they can acquire.

 A final story of late

On a recent Friday morning post workout in the gym, I went into the sauna as I usually do.  It was pretty much packed (it seats up to fifteen on a tight fit), with room just about for me.  There was a discussion going on between three young men relating to Glastonbury festivals, therefore with very little knowledge or passion on the subject, I just listened in.

Once these three men left the sauna after a few minutes, I struck up a conversation with a few of the remaining relaxers.  A couple of minutes later, and in walked a juiced up bald/shaven headed man, with tattoos from shoulder to wrist on both arms.  He swaggered in and gave it a “Morning chaps” line in a loud voice.  I think I had seen him once before.  He clearly loved himself, without, in my opinion, the height or raw good looks to back up this somewhat elevated self-belief of his value it would seem.

As the conversation I was in continued, he rudely kept huffing and puffing.  There were pauses in the conversation, therefore he had opportunities to contribute should he have wished.  Otherwise, out of respect, if you do not desire to take part in a certain conversation then you simply sit there with courtesy towards others.

After a few more exaggerated huffs and puffs, and I mean after little more than a minute from his entrance, he just said “Fuck this for a game of marbles!”, and subsequently got up and left.  As we all looked at each other, I just said to the group, “Something I said!?”

One of the other men in there commented that he had seen him before in the sauna, and he likes to lie down at full stretch.  This is fine if there are only two or three people in there, otherwise, once more out of respect, you do not do it.

In essence, I draw the easy conclusion.  For all the fake swagger, loud voice on entry, steroids, and tattoos, this does not disguise a lack of existential confidence to just mingle into a group accordingly.  This theory of mine is reinforced by what the member said about him lying down in the sauna.  If other people are present, a confident man has the self-confidence and ease in himself and of other social presence that he can just bring up a conversational topic, and be sociable and amiable.  A man who feels the need to lie down and distance himself, with clearly no ease of other social counterparts in a small environment, clearly lacks any confidence and self-assurance to blend in.

Q-tip 2:                                                                                                                                      No amount of muscle, external parading, loud voice, exaggerated banter, tattoos, or bigging himself up, can compensate for the lack of inner confidence a man like this attains.  When you see a man like this, your instincts may enforce you to believe he is the biggest alpha male and most confident man in the room.  In reality, it may well be you are far more confident in yourself than he is naturally confident in himself.  Never be fooled by what you only see on the outside.

Acknowledgements

Getty Images

Never be her last resort

 

"Things work out for the best for those who make the best of how things work out.”            (John Wooden)

  

There are a couple of traditional ways in how a man becomes a woman’s last resort in her decision to be with him.  A man should always avoid placing himself in such a last pickings dynamic, but unfortunately, all too many men seem to settle for this sad predicament.  Or perhaps, most men fail to realize they are a woman’s last resort in the first place.

Example 1 – A woman’s reluctant and resentful choice of a man

In this example, it is the perennial woman who thinks she can do much better than said man she eventually picks in a reluctant manner.  Sometimes she can actually do better, but often she is deluded to what kind of calibre level man she can obtain.  You will find a lot of women in their late twenties and early thirties – when they are past their physical attractiveness peak, but still desirable to a decent percentage of men - go through this phase.

What you find in this scenario is as follows.  The woman will have played around with her options a fair bit, never quite found the man she wanted (or more to the point, men either used her or just did not want to commit to her), and then she is left at a juncture where she is boxed into a corner in deciding to pick a man out who she knows is not good enough for her.

Some of these women will have ridden the cock carousel, whilst others will have just experienced a number of medium and long term monogamous relationships but never made it to the highest commitment phases of marriage and kids.  Many women in this compartment will have waited too long for 'Mr Right' who never came along, and as we know, the longer a woman waits, the lower down the pecking order of sought-after male candidates she will be necessitated to go.

When such time arrives, most likely concurrent to the time when all or most of her female social network no longer want to do girly time and activities, this woman is confined to settle for 'Mr Not Quite Right’.  He becomes her last resort, or at best, a long way down (if not at the bottom) of the pile of men she would truthfully desire to be with.

Example 2 – She missed the boat of the later bloomer

I would expect most people will be familiar with this process of events.  Maybe some of you have directly experienced it for yourselves?  In this situation, we have the woman who missed her chance.

The best outline example I can give is when said boy (or young man) is ignored by the typical attractive girl (or young woman) during high school, further education, or even University days.  It could have occurred as early as your mid-teens, but unlikely to be later than your late teens/early twenties.  That said, it could also apply in later life too.  An example would be where an introverted man in his fifties (who has very little experience with women) chases after a woman in her forties.

In the case of the younger spectrum though, what happens here is quite simple.  The boy or young man in this real life screenplay (and a lot of movies will have a script to suit) is basically as good as invisible to the hot or cute girl/young woman, and in spite of all his efforts to get noticed, pitiful attempts to buy her attention, and eventual multiple tears and broken heart, the female party holds not even a second of consideration to be with him on an intimate level.  Sometimes she will use him as a friendzone convenience and ulterior motive, but most women will subtly tell him he has no chance.

During this timeframe, the woman is banging men – often men who are a few years older than her, and equally men with high social status but rubbish to average jobs – who she claims she is with due to their higher “maturity” level than the males her own age.  I can recollect it from my own school days – fourteen to sixteen year old girls getting picked up by young men anything between three to five years her senior.  Some of these men were quite ugly dudes too, but even at a younger age, women still place male local profile and popularity as a higher priority than male physical attractiveness. 

Then like magic, a number of years down the line (sometimes after the early female bloomer has knocked out a kid or two via a male loser), that same woman sees the man her own age who she once disregarded.  She is impressed with how he has physically grown into an attractive man, but more importantly she is radiated towards the good job he attains and further potential that sits at his feet.

The problem is, said woman is no longer the attractive young teenager who the now man once idolized about and fantasized over.  With the greatest respect, she has aged so badly that she is not even now average looking in comparison to all the other women his age, let alone the cute and hot ones.  Fundamentally, he cannot get away from the conversation quick enough.

In essence, the magic of time goes in two opposing directions.  Said woman has become uglier and less coveted, simultaneous to said man becoming more handsome and desirable.  In this case, no man in his right mind who falls into this storyline gives her a chance.  Simply put, she had her chance back then, and she wasted it on other male contenders. 

The uncommon example – she had the best she could get, but she went elsewhere….

There is one more uncommon plot that happens in relevance to this post.  Hardly any men realize or concede it happens, such is the fact they either have no real life experience to draw upon it, or they are too envious to accept it occurs.  It will not come as any surprise to most that this dynamic manifests into my own life experience, and on numerous occasions too it should be said.

Just over a year ago, I wrote this post on a time wasting woman.  She had a chance to be with me, but as explained, she decided to not pursue.  No skin off my nose at the time, and a lucky escape in my mind retrospectively.

Over the last year, the number of men I have seen her talking to, and noticeably looking like she would possibly take it further with them, is quite comical.  From a skinny South Asian man, to an Afro-Caribbean race man who looks five years younger than her.  From a (white Caucasian) man five inches shorter than her (who is about ten years older than her), to a bald headed (white Caucasian) married man (former body builder, who still looks like he is on the gear) over thirty years her senior.  There have been others too.

Now, as she is an attention seeker who has more mouth than action, it is difficult to pinpoint which of these men, if any, she has gone with or would go for should they pin her into a corner.  My gut tells me that all of them are just for her to satisfy her usual female attention needs, although I have seen her train with the Afro-Caribbean race younger man.  There was one occasion however when he pretty much ignored her when he was on the cross trainer.

My guess tells me his ignorance towards her that day is because she bottled turning up for a date or meeting with him.  This opinion is further reinforced because a couple of months ago (after him blanking her weeks before) I heard her talking to him, and she emphasized the words, “And I will be there.”  Strangely, this young man has vanished from the gym, at least at the common times he went and when she is in there, over the last two months since the last time I saw them talking.

Coincidence?  I am not so sure.  I get the feeling she did not turn up once again, and his pride has got the better of him so he now avoids seeing her in there.  I have also observed that the short guy has barely been in there over the last six months too.  Older baldy man over the last couple of weeks has vanished, although I wonder if his wife (who also sporadically trains in the same gym) has said some harsh words to him!?

Q-tip 1:                                                                                                                                 Never let a woman dictate your movements.  Let her be the one to move away to another environment, should she feel it too hard to see you.

Where do I fall into all this?

Amongst the numerous other men I have either referred to or not, she has also on intermittent occasions placed her presence in close proximity to me.  The stares are still there – sometimes in an amiable way, but other times blanking me when I walk directly past her (after she has stared from a distance).  I have no inclination to be with her, I can say that without a moment’s hesitation.

With this explained, and with the pertinent words to the topic, I guess I am also now, in an uncommon and bizarre way, falling into her mindset of last resort.  She did not want to be with me a year ago, I still expect she does not hold strong desires to be with me over the other uglier men (who would her feel better about herself, in contrast to me, who would do the opposite in consequently pricking her ego), but I am still a better option than her being single.

And this begs the question, why is a perennial “girl’s girl” (a woman who is usually more into girl time and personal social media whoring) now even considering me, much against her wishes, or any of the other men for that matter?  In easy clarification, it appears to me that she does not have many female friends, and the one she does have who she trains with in the gym most likely has started to dive into a more meaningful relationship. 

This forces a woman to haste the movements in locating a male partner, even if it goes against her natural wishes at that moment in time.  At 26 or 27, especially in this post COVID world where nightlife is declining and real life socialising (not to be confused with online socialising, which is still growing) is not as prevalent, her desperation to be with a man moves from second gear to fourth gear without a transition.  If her friends are no longer at the end of a phone, fifth gear is not too far away at all.

A final thought

Part of me feels sincerely sympathetic towards this woman, or towards women like her in general.  It cannot be easy living a lonely life, and I full appreciate that only a small percentage of people, women and men alike, are the same way as me in the manner of being able to adapt, and genuinely like (at most times) in being in their own company.  Most people need social interaction and company, and when they do not have it at their disposal, they feel like only half the recognized person in the world.

With this considered, I have looked at her with a greater level of compassion of late.  Despite what a lot of people think of me in negative terms, I am actually a considerate and giving person.  Sometimes one has to get to know the person instead of making their mind up on nothing more than perception or convenient belief.

Nevertheless, she soon loses my commiseration when, on another occasion, she looks at me like something the cat has just dragged in.  At that moment, it just compounds my thoughts that she is dreadful girlfriend (let alone beyond that) material, even as she gets older and supposedly more mentally mature.

Q-tip 2:                                                                                                                                   Most women talk a good game (hence, what they would do in broadcasting to others), but only a tiny number in relativity back it up with actions to prove their words.

Should and do men fill their boots with women?

 

“Calling it a final day is only a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” 

 

Adrian asks for my opinion on the following topic:

Hey Vinay, I wanted to ask you what are your thoughts on Andrew Tate's perspective on a man being unfaithful and there being nothing wrong with it. Since men are biologically programmed to have sex with as much women as they can, and women can’t be unfaithful since they’re programmed to find the most suitable man and be loyal to him. Granted, he was talking about high value men. He said women shouldn’t accept this from the everyday man, but looking for a high value man comes with a price. And he also said these men don’t need to lie about it, they can be honest and pose it as a take it or leave it. I agree with what he says, but I wanted to know your opinion about it. If you do agree then should it be acceptable for a regular man to do so if he still is on the lower side of high value? (Not famous or billionaire but still standing out amongst men in financial, fitness, and life knowledge.)

My response:

Before answering the nitty gritty so to speak, let me place some basic principles to this subject:

·       Given the freedom to do so, and with full guarantee that their female partners would never find out (and similarly, nobody else finds out), I would estimate that >95% of men would opt to sleep with as many women as possible who they find sexually arousing.

·       Even given this luxury as explained above, there is still a tiny minority (<5%) of men who would still not choose to sleep with other women they find sexually attractive.  These are men who attain such a conscience and loyalty mentality that they just could not bring themselves to cheat on their better half.

·       Contrary to what women will try and convince society, the reality is that most men do not cheat.  Nevertheless, there is a distinction that needs to be established between men who do not cheat, and men who do not hold the self-attractiveness to cheat.  Simply put, most men are not striking the eyes of other women outside of his female partner (or any women generally, if he is single), therefore even if he would like to sleep with other women, the facts of the matter are that these women are not willing to sleep with him.

·       Most men who are in relationships with the most attractive women are not likely to cheat in the short to medium term.  These men staying faithful over the longer term will be far less prominent.

·       Men who are with in relationships with the top 0.1% of sought after women (women who are >8.5/10 in beauty) are most likely men who could also find other women to have sex with him who are equally (or slightly less or slightly more) attractive as his female partner.

I could list more, but I do not desire to repeat on further elaboration that will be explained.  With that said, I think these five points alone result in most of the basic fundamentals being covered from a male perspective on this topic.

My thoughts on Andrew Tate’s opinion on men

Andrew Tate is right on the vast majority of his views on this subject, providing Adrian has quoted him correctly (and there is no reason to doubt Adrian, in my humble opinion).  First, Tate is completely on the money in terms of stating men are biologically programmed to have sex with as many women as they can.  As much as men have female types, if you are a young (or older!) man who has just discovered porn for the first time, it unlikely this man will jerk off to the same woman day in, day out.  After a day or two, the tall blonde will soon be replaced with the short brunette or redhead.  Ditto if he spent a year in a playboy mansion.  He is not going to have sex with the same woman for the whole twelve months.

This analogy of porn and carte blanche sex household may seem like I am going off track, but my point is that men enjoy the variety of what the female species bring to the world.  With this in mind, very few men, with no negative consequences to consider, will stay faithful in fidelity terms with their girlfriends, fiancés or wives.

My thoughts on Andrew Tate’s opinion on women

As for Tate’s view on women – that women cannot be unfaithful since they are programmed to find the most suitable man and be loyal to him – is perhaps where I lean away from full agreement with him.  Without ever seeing any of his videos, this view of his strikes me as someone who believes a man with such high value (and I sense he is referring to himself in this bracket) is bullet proof from his female partner straying.

Let me start however with where I agree with him.  As there is such a tiny ratio of high value men in respect to the much comparable higher numbers of physically attractive women, I think Tate’s point is that, in her experiences and suffocation living in environments with men who she is not attracted in the slightest to (or she thinks they are not good enough for her), when or if said woman does find herself in the arms of a highly sought after man, her natural inclination, and common sense, is to do everything within her power to make him happy and keep him to herself.  Naturally, her loyalty and faithfulness come hand in hand with this mindset.

The part I slightly disagree with this somewhat ideology – that exampled woman cannot be unfaithful - is when she starts to find herself in the circles of other men who her high value male partner socializes or professes in.  Whilst at the beginning she was as dedicated and unwavering as can be, the sheer contextual hypergamous female psychology that a woman possesses leaves her vulnerable to having it off with another man as (or slightly more) high value than her male partner.  If you hear stories from professional sports teams or the music/acting world, where a woman is alleged to have cheated on her famous man with his colleague, the chances are this is sometimes more than just a rumour.

Q-tip:                                                                                                                                         No man in the western world, irrespective of who he is, would with an ounce of sense gamble his life on a bet that his female partner will never cheat on him.  There is always a scenario, no matter how remote or unlikely, where she could. 

In essence then, Tate alludes to the point that a woman with a super high value man should be faithful to her man, and never cheat on him in the process.  The reality is that, whilst this is true that she should be, and is, far more gratifying in said high value man’s arms than Joe Bloggs, it does not guarantee her fidelity always being in place.

High value men should be open about their gigolo lifestyle…

Andrew Tate states that, such is his extreme sought after value in conjunction with his female partner’s appreciation, a high value man of extreme measures can be open about his playboy lifestyle concurrent to having a female partner who he expects to stay devoted.  Whilst I never advocate such arrogance on a topic close to my heart, he is partly correct in so far that a lot of women will put up with this. 

No woman deep down wants to be cheated on, but women also hold strong inclinations to be with men who can cheat on them.  This tug of war in her mind often leaves her with no option to stay with her cheating male partner.  Statistics prove that divorce instigations based on female infidelity is equal to that of male infidelity (which would, without as many concrete facts, suggest that women generally cheat nearly as much as men in today’s world), but on an anecdotal perspective alone, it comes across to me that women (especially pre marriage) are far more likely to stay with cheating men than the inverse.

With all this considered though, no matter how famous, rich and in demand I could have ever become, I could not bring myself to be with a woman and ask her to accept me for sleeping with inundated other women.  For one, I have too much of a conscience, but perhaps more importantly is I would lose a sense of respect for my female partner too. 

If my main woman accepted me for sleeping around in her full knowledge, I would kind of see her as being cheap.  Once I construe a woman to be cheaper than she once was, simultaneous to losing respect for her due to her compassion and understanding of me playing the field, this would manifest to me ultimately losing a level of attraction towards her.  In essence then, I disagree with Tate in so far that, if I just look at it from a productive standpoint, the woman in this dynamic should just sit back and accept it for what it is.

A final thought

Adrian finally asks for my opinion on whether it is acceptable for a high value regular (but not famous) man to process in this way and expect his woman to abide by his “fill my boots” ways.  I think I answered it above in expressed disagreement, but I will detail a little more.

The first thing to say is that, if a man is only high value in regular terms, I wish him good luck in locating a woman who will go along with this.  I would expect this, in proof and knowledge terms at least, to be as common as rocking horse shit.  If you are high value, then you should be with a hot woman.  You will find it incredibly difficult to locate a hot woman who accepts you for putting your pork sword around, and why should she.  As much as women love men who other women want, women (in particular hot women) have big egos and fragile prides.  These female traits do not align with acceptance of being just another woman to his repertoire.

And once more, do you truthfully want to be with a woman who allows you to do this?  As the saying goes, be careful what you wish for.

A final, final thought – how men and women differ in adultery mentality…

To wrap this all up then, it is worth spending a few lines on the polar opposite motivations to why men and women cheat – and as a by-product why they like the company of members of the opposite sex outside of their relationship partner.

To bring it all back to the beginning, men are drawn towards a need in sleeping with other women (even though only a tiny percentage of men have the attractiveness to do this, if they so choose) due to one, their love for sex, and two, their desire of female variety.  In simple explanation, men think of their penises as pretty much the only motivator in this respect.

With women, it is vastly different.  Whilst women enjoy sex nearly as much, if not as much, with the hottest men as men enjoy sex with the hottest women, this sexual enrichment a man can offer her is secondary to other factors.  These other factors include the attention needs she attains in being with a man, the female inner feel good factor requirement that a man loves her, the need for female validation that a man has committed to her (even if this commitment is for short term sex), and the thrill of being perceived and thought of as a better woman than her female competitors (hence why a lot of women try and secure men who already have female partners). 

This is why, even given the choice, a woman would only sleep with one other man in the simultaneous timeframe as being with her male partner.  It would be extremely rare to find a woman sleeping with three, or more, men.  On the other hand, a man would happily sleep with seven different women in the space of seven days.

In easy language, a woman’s need for attention will lead her to stray towards sleeping with another man, but this need of feeling good about herself has diminishing, in fact negative, returns on her self-fulfilment once it goes beyond two.  This is why most women will only play one man off against another, and no more.

Black pill community – a poor choice

 

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength.  However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then to do it."  (Ann Landers)

  

Reader komunisti asks for my thoughts on the following:

Hello Vinay,
How are you?
Hope you are well!
Might I know what do you think about the BLACKPILL community? Especially the Chanel WHEAT WAFFLES in YouTube, his videos about "all that matters in dating are look" seems brutally true to me.

My response:

I am not a fan of black pill mentality, although give a man the choice out of (only one) blue pill or black pill only, and I would advise him to pick the latter over the former.  Still, I do not believe a black pill mindset offers much positive productivity to a man.  I also do not think it bears much relevance to the pragmatism of what happens in the real world, especially in the community advice regarding how women choose men.

I will be honest up front though, and I confess to have never expended a great deal of my time to any black pill literature or information.  Why would I if I do not believe in the product, so to speak?  That said, I have read enough about it to know what it stands for.  To me, it by and large comes across as men who have given up on life.

Life is tough, I know this better than most, but are you just going to let life (and women) win the war?  I am certainly not going to let this happen to me throughout my one shot at life, that is for sure.  There are always ways to overcome a situation, no matter how murky, depressing or challenging it may seem.  You just need to find the solution/s, even if it does not arrive in your mind at that immediate moment.

Q-tip 1:                                                                                                                                         If you allow your mind to think life is one big problem, life will trample all over you without an ounce of remorse to your well-being.  If you break up that big problem, and chop it up into little pieces of problems, life does not attain as much kinetic energy to knock you down.  Being struck by a large asteroid will kill you, but fragmented pieces may only hurt you.  Once back on your feet, you will be better prepared for the next confrontation that comes your way.

What is my preferred approach?

I have always been a firm believer of the following five mentalities/approaches - amalgamated and interchanged (often improvised to suit the situation, or hence the woman, in hand) - that a man should bring into his life:

1) Red pill mentality

2) Extensive knowledge of female emotional psychology and habits

3) Proactive interaction strategy to manipulate a situation into your favour

4) Master your state of mind

5) Predict people’s likely reasoning and decisions

Let us briefly take one step at a time.  I will not elaborate too much as by now any person who has read this blog regularly should know the basic principles, and more, to a tee.

·       A red pill mentality allows a man to know that he should not live in blissful ignorance, he should accept the bitter truths that exist in life, and he should find a happy medium between cynicism and optimism.  In essence, he should not be fearful of what society thinks of him, but he equally should not be resentful towards the rigours and negative situations life throws at him.

·       A man should study female emotional psychology, and establish what makes women the way they are.  He should observe trends, learn from his life experience (whether directly or indirectly) with the opposite sex, and start to place pieces to the jigsaw over time.  He should accept that women are complex creatures, and being bitter towards them for this is neither healthy nor productive.  Nevertheless, he should be forthcoming in not being afraid of criticising them too.  Ultimately, what once frustrated you, is now no skin off your nose either way of the outcome.

·       Learning interaction strategy (game), and in turn being proactive in transitioning the theory into practice, will benefit a man during his peer to peer dialogue with women.  He will find ways to eradicate anti-game (i.e - being too nice, too passive, too agreeable, too feminine, too much of a lapdog etc), and then integrate discrete proactive positive interaction tactics with women (i.e – subtle “negs”, breaking the touch barrier at the right time, talking about the things she is interested in or the common ground you both have, getting a little sexual, closing the deal etc).

·       By mastering your state of mind, this is maybe the most beneficial attribute you will ever possess in life.  If you master yourself and your state of mind, you start to care very little about what people think of you, you become far more confident in your existence and offerings to life, and you spend far less time and energy on things that do not repay a mutual return in association with your endeavours. 

·       By predicting people’s likely reasoning and decisions, it forms a natural water off a duck’s back mentality within your psychological thinking that once again refrains you from spending as much exertion on things that once frustrated you and left you scratching your head constantly. 

In easy summary, all five deliverables manifest to decrease your disappointment in life, and subsequently (or concurrently) increase your satisfaction of life.

Black pill consensus that physical looks are everything

As a regular and dedicated reader of Women’s choices: men’s divorces, I am a little surprised in you, komunisti, for thinking this – black pill consensus that looks are everything in the dating world – is brutally true (as you quote).  You should have read enough in my blog to question this in-house black pill harmony.  Nevertheless, let us analyse it in segments.

First, and at the risk of you being better versed in black pill reasoning than me, if they (especially this Wheat Waffles dude) are stating that physical attractiveness is the be all and end all for both sexes, then in a way they are nearly half right.  As men are so engrossed in a woman’s physical attractiveness, aesthetic beauty is so important in women’s ability to attract men that any other factor is nearly irrelevant on an apples for apples basis.  It is only relevant when two women are at a very similar hotness level that a man starts to assess other female attributes – her personality, likeability, perceived (or proven) loyalty and faithfulness, or even (to a much lower extent) profession or wealth level.

With the above in mind, yes, physical looks are pretty much everything to a woman.  I do not doubt this at all.

Now, you probably know where I totally disagree with the black pill solidarity in their belief that women are only interested in men’s hotness level.  I actually do not know where to start in a disagreement argument on this, and quite frankly all anyone has to do is read dozens of posts I have devised over a decade to explain, illustrate, and substantiate on this subject.

With this considered, I am not going to base my contrasting view on multiple bullet points to debate against.  Instead, all I ask from anyone is to honestly (and I stress the word HONESTLY) answer the following:

·       How many hot women (8/10 or higher) have you seen with your own two eyes alongside boyfriends, fiancés or husbands (or just partners of some kind) who are equal or higher than her in gender relative terms with reference to physical attractiveness?  Now compare that number to the said same woman who is with a man 10%, 15%, 20%, or even >20% less physically attractive than her?

·       How many cute women (6.75/10 to 7.75/10) have you seen with your own two eyes with boyfriends, fiancés or husbands (or just partners of some kind) who are equal or higher than her in gender relative terms with reference to physical attractiveness?  Now compare that number to the said same woman who is with a man 5%, 10%, 15%, or even >15% less physically attractive than her?

·       How many women who are <6.75/10 have you seen with boyfriends, fiancés or husbands (or just partners of some kind) who are equal or higher than her in gender relative terms with reference to physical attractiveness?  Now compare that number to the said same woman who is with a man less physically attractive than her?

I think you know where I am going with this.  All I can say is that if you are seeing women with men as (or more) physically attractive than them, then you are living in a different world to me.  And I have been to many countries around the world to have a balanced and rounded view on this analysis.  If anyone disagrees with me (once more, stressing a disagreement based on their honesty), then I wish I lived in that world where women prioritize men’s look ahead of anything else.  Whilst I have always strived to not solely rely on my physical attractiveness, when all said and done it is my unique selling point, per se. 

Therefore, it would be in my interest for women to place optimum importance on the way a man looks over and above any other male desirability, but I am far more interested in reality than devising a make-believe fairy tale movie of life that clearly is not what I see with my own two eyes.

A final thought

To cut these black pill advocators some slack for a moment however, I kind of think I know what they are chomping at in terms of their misguided attempts of, maybe sincere but often insincere, guidance towards other men.  My hunch tells me that a lot of these men are average looking (say, 5.5 to 6.75/10, as most men below forty years of age sit between) men themselves, or even below average looking (which applies to most men above forty years of age), and they are seeing a lot of cute and hot women with above average (7/10 to 7.75/10) men.  These common sights align with reality. 

In simple terms, a 6/10 man in physical attractiveness views a 7/10 man as good looking in relativity to himself, when in fact a 7/10 man is seen (or should be seen) as no more than being above average looking from the eyesight of a good looking (8/10 or greater) man.  As there are far more men in the world who are above average looking than good looking, said average looking man is somewhat falsifying the truth behind what women are doing.  What the most sought after (cute and hot) women are doing is usually going for better looking men than the mediocre looking man, but they are not going for the hottest man they can possibly set eyes on.  In fact, a woman will nearly always, with deliberation, go for a man who is not as aesthetically blessed as herself.

I will be the first to hold my hands up when I start to see a prevalent changing of the guard – in seeing a higher percentage of women with men who are on similar looks terms at the top end of physical attractiveness – but to this day I see no sign of any transition.  If anything, the last ten years have just seen a gradual further illustration that women do anything but seek out the hottest men.

Q-tip 2:                                                                                                                                 There is an enormous ratio of women who enthuse over hot celebrity men, in relation to women (the same women) who opt to be with much lesser looking men.  At an estimate, this ratio is 20:1.  Never confuse what women say with what they do.

Q-tip 3:                                                                                                                               Always allow your objective and honest eyes to make the decisions for you before any other source of information.  Refrain from making your mind up on what others tell you is the truth.

A final, final thought

I was walking around Loughborough town centre the other weekend when I saw an attractive young woman (about twenty years of age).  Alongside her was a tall, dark, handsome, and slim/athletic bodied man of similar age.  It was such a rare sight that it stood out like a sore thumb.

The immediate conclusions I drew to this extremely sparse viewing were:

·       In a university environment (in particular a sport university), this couple dynamic will be more frequent than in any other social environment.

·       Equally good looking couples are more prominent at a younger age (16 to 22).  That said, they are still a minority occurrence at this age versus a couple consisting of hot woman with an average to above average looking man.

·       They are simply an exception to the norm.

Enough said….

Men are the real romantics

 

“As much as you try and control your life, life remotes it for you.”

 

I came across this comment when searching for a song (this song is nothing other than a running joke of music theme my former boss and I consistently go through) which stood out in terms of amusement, genuine sympathy, and further reinforcement to what I have known for years. 

"This song is really damn good. I'm 33 and single still, no kids. I hopped on my motorcycle last weekend and just thought about everything I've gone through, with this song in my earbuds. I've always felt that my patience will pay off. Even with that said though, at my age, I can't shake the feeling of my window slowly/steadily closing to have a family of my own or the possible realization that I may always be alone?

I often think about what I'd give to have someone to come home to, to hold in my arms, to keep safe and to share my experiences with. It's hard not to feel lost at times when I'm on my own. It's for these reasons I choose to ride and let it all go. My job, my responsibilities, my loneliness, longing for that partner that compliments my feelings.

I suppose if I can't find that happiness, I can go and get lost on the bike and pursue it through my hobbies as a means of escape. Sometimes, going and getting lost, is where we actually find what we were looking for, which is the self discovery of who we truly are. To all of you that have found your soul's counterpoint in another, I envy you and truly hope you never lose it. To those of you still searching for that love, I hope you too find that one day, are able to experience it and hold on to it, because you deserve that.

However, even if it never comes, I know we'll be okay, because happiness comes from our heart and being a good person, stems from maintaining our self worth but most of all, loving ourselves. No matter how many failures we experience, may we never stop reflecting.... and never stop working towards that ever elusive goal. For I feel that a good man will always evaluate what's happened, so he can apply what he's learned. Until then, I will work to improve myself in healthy ways. I will continue to bide my time and wait as long as it takes."

A past comment that never leaves my mind

One of the OG writers regarding female emotional psychology once came out with a phrase which will stay with me until my dying day or the day I enter dementia, whichever arrives first.  Do not hold me to the exact words, but his phrase was pretty much:

“Men are the real romantics.  Women are the opportunists.”

At that exact moment, I had to digest the words to establish precisely what he meant.  Bearing in mind I was much younger than said writer, in addition to only starting my journey on this line of subject, it took me a little longer back then in comparison to what is second nature today.  Nevertheless, even then it did not take me more than a few moments – as a manufacture of life experience and general observation – to break the words down in unreservedly comprehending what he meant.  In essence, the words are categorically accurate to the real world.  Conversely, In societal belief and propaganda, the words are absolutely what members of the politically correct society do not want a man to believe are true and real in practice.

Because the politically correct way to drip feed this concept would be one of this kind:

“Women are romantics.  Men need to do much more to be romantic and live up to women’s romantic standards.”

Has it always been this way?

The simple answer to this question is, no, it was most certainly not always this way.  When men were real men, and women were much nicer, not fake, and far more sincere than they are now (think of your grandparents’ era, or parents if they sat in such generation), the roles were much different. 

·       Men were hard, and resistant to show any weakness.  Women were vulnerable and soft. 

·       Men were masculine, concurrent to women being feminine.  Women were respectful (and often afraid, in perhaps a healthy way of trepidation) towards men, and men took control of their female partners’ conduct. 

·       Men ridiculed and talked down (which I did not like to see) to women, and a woman would not say boo to a goose in the face of her man in fear of the consequences which would come her way. 

·       Far fewer women would be unfaithful to their boyfriends and husbands than the inverse.

Now compare this to today’s world, which has been escalating steadily in trend over the last few decades and prior.  

·       A much larger percentage (maybe even the majority of men below the age of forty) are soft, weak, and passive, whilst a much greater number of women have become dominant, unlikeable, and over-expectant.

·       The average level of man has become much more feminine, whilst the mean level of woman is now much more masculine.

·       Most men fear arguing, talking back, or putting a woman in her place, yet women have gone the reverse way in ridiculing and criticizing men – often in front of other watching people.

·       As many, if not more, women are now unfaithful to their male partners in relation to men performing the likewise infidelity. 

With the above in mind (granted this is a generalization as opposed to the entirety), it is little wonder why you see what you see today.  In easy summary, men have become afraid of women, simultaneous to women being far less respectful towards men.

A word on the commenter

As I stated within the introduction, I actually sympathize with the commenter.  At 33, you would like to think he has enough years of experience with both women and life in order to not get apparently down about being alone.  Sure, he attempts to place perspective at the end of his comment, but he is not fooling me.  He is clearly a little more desperate to meet a woman than his concluding perspective will fool others. 

You would like to think he has seen the ups and downs of life, and most importantly that he has realized being without a woman brings about as many (and in reality, more) positives than it does negatives.  I do not for a single second think he has thought about it like that. 

Unfortunately, his language strikes me as the perennial man who has travelled through a naïve and uneducated (in the education and comprehension of women) life in understanding how it might actually not be quite as bad as he believes it to be should he not locate his female soulmate.  He comes across as a bit too trusting of women, rather than being on guard to the realities of what might happen if wise choices are not put in place.

And in a strong way, his words epitomize the whole reasoning behind this post.  His words illustrate and emphasize a man who romanticizes in love, finding his soulmate, and living happily ever after.  His words further reflect, to me, a man who has not spent much time fully digesting all the unhappy couples out there, irrespective of those who have already split up.  If he has not analysed it in this respect, there is no chance he has evaluated the reasons why so many couples are unhappy together or have parted ways.

So, who are the romantics?

This then begs the question, who are the true romantics, and if it is in fact men, and not women, what role do women play in the whole romantic bubble?  Allow me to elaborate…

My view is that, as time has changed and evolved, women have become far less into the organic thought and practice of loving a man with sincere, natural and unconditional emotion, and instead have progressively placed a priority (even if often more subconscious than conscious playing out) on how they will feel about themselves when being with a man, in addition to how he can improve her life.  Life for women from many decades or centuries ago was always about survival first and foremost, therefore an argument could be made that things have not changed in this respect, but in today’s world it is a much more contrived strategy to get there.  My inclination tells me that, way back when, women just strived to find a man and run with the ball, so to speak.  There was not as much calculation beforehand.

Consequently, women have become less romantic in terms of the thought of loving a man before any prior motive.  This is where the OG writer is coming from.  Love, or the genuine inclination to love a man based on uncontrollable biology, is far less common.  Opportunism – and providing a more financially secure and status whoring life for herself – is far, far more common, to the point where it is now majority cases in the western world.

As a further consequence then, it is a fair point to put forward that because women have become less romantic, men have evolved to be more romantic.  It is almost like a changing of the guard in romantic thresholds, yet strangely the depth of the ocean is the same.  Whilst women have droughted the romantic sea level, men have pissed in it to maintain a similar topography. 

Q-tip:                                                                                                                                  Society in the western world is designed to brainwash men (and women) into believing that women should be provided with the best life a man can provide for them.  We are manipulated into thinking men should do everything that is required to get that respective woman to her destination.

 

Acknowledgements

Youtube.com