“You think I dream too big. I say you think too small.”
In the generation we live in that is dominated by social media, reality TV programs and magazine/internet exploitation of the rich and famous life, there has never been a time when women, and to a lesser extent men, dream of becoming a celebrity and, on paper, living an affluent and exhibitionist existence that comes with no greater exertion than waking up at 10am and going to the gym some time later. This shows no sign of slowing down – accepting the current predicament most of the world is now in due to COVID-19 self-isolation which has slowed things down in this respect – and if anything it will incrementally grow for an indefinite timescale year on year. I stress the word incrementally, simply because it is at such a present near optimum level that increases can only be marginal on what already is in place.
Women have a far greater inner-desire and motivation than men to achieve this life, because by innate nature women are far more obsessed with what the world (or at least their small local social network) thinks of them and how they can elevate their self-importance. Women are also less inclined than men to seek an affluent life through hard work and savviness, therefore finding this path through illustration of their physical beauty is the obvious thought process.
At least in the beginning phase of this process, it is important to note that the biggest motive to live the celebrity life for a woman is to magnify and optimize her self-profile. Second is the money she can gain from this as a by-product of accomplishing the profile. Third is the securing of a famous and/or rich man who she couldn’t have treaded paths with in living a “normal” life.
For the tiny minority of women who do find their way onto shows such as Love Island, Ex on The Beach, Dinner Date, The Only Way Is Essex and Geordie Shore to name but a few (hopefully overseas readers of this blog will not have a clue what most of them are), they hold a far greater opportunity to then go to social gatherings where celebrity men are to be found. A lot of celebrity men (thinking out load – premier league footballers or pop stars/rappers) in this day and age are not the brightest bulb in the pack themselves, therefore a very hot woman seen in these social events is not going to be frowned upon by many famous men because of her lack of intelligence and chavvy accent. Many management companies of these now part famous women will also find a way to get them in the arms of a famous man during a boozy night out, even if it is just for the cameras and publicity. Social media and networking will also give a woman who has made it onto one of these shows an easier path for direct contact with these men.
What about the celebrity chasing girl from next door?
Nevertheless, there are naturally going to be vast numbers of women who don’t make it onto Love Island et al. As an educated estimate, I’d say in a calendar year no more than 100 women collectively from all the aforementioned TV programs make it onto screen. There are 85,000 (male and female collectively) applicants for Love Island alone. I wouldn’t be far off then that in the UK alone 50,000 women apply for these shows, which results in them having a 1 in 500 chance of their mush finding its way for the nation to see. Not great odds to play with are they, and in fact it is actually even worse than this probability once you account for a couple of dozen women (out of the 100) who have already been pencilled due to knowing someone who knows someone (maybe they already belong to a management company, or they have a high profile father who can sway auditioning decisions?).
You wouldn’t back a horse to win at 500-1 or 650-1 odds, would you? I certainly wouldn’t, anyway. These numbers aren’t even accounting for women who think they are worthy of this life but don’t have the confidence to apply (or more likely they can’t bear the thought of being rejected by the selection team). If you say that there are 5 million women aged between 18 to 30 (the age bracket when they are at their most appealing) in the UK, and 2% are hot (8/10 or higher), then this gives you a grand total of 100,000 hot women in the UK. I would hazard a guess that at least 90% of them have at some stage believed they are worthy of a man who is rich and famous. And once more, to compound the numbers this isn’t taking account of the many upper end cute women of 7.5 to 7.75/10 in physical allure. There’s another >100,000 of these too, although granted the majority will not have the expectation levels of their hotter counterparts.
Most hot women, and many cute women, end up resentful of life because they don’t believe the world has given them what they think their beauty deserved.
Which men are the next best option?
So needless to say, based on these numbers there are likely to be in excess of six figures of women as pointed out in the UK who don’t find their way to a celebrity man, in spite of their efforts in Instagram exploitation and trying to find their way to the bars, clubs and parties where these men venture. This manifests in them having to settle for men lower quality than what they believe, and what their naïve mothers and friends often led them to believe, they are justified to end up with.
With this being the inevitable case, who do these women then settle for? Some will find non-famous men who belong to the top 1% wealth bracket – generally successful business owners, entrepreneurs, and men who earn six figure salaries or have assets of equivalence to the salary – as a decent back up plan. Although she doesn’t quite receive the celebrity life in national terms to illustrate her importance, these men can give her the big house, nice car and private school education for her kids which will allow her to know she is a level or two (or three) above her female friendship network.
However, this will still leave tens of thousands (I’d estimate far more than half remaining from the >100,000 women) who don’t even get the second-tier expectation life. Although reports claim (and I find this hard to believe…is it once more people over elaborating what they earn!?) over a million people (of which >80% will be men) in the UK earn over £100k, many of this male compartment wouldn’t be men who the hot women will go for, simply because a high percentage of men earning this salary and above will be in their 40’s, 50’s and 60’s – hence men they will not even remotely find physically attractive. A woman loves the thought of being with a man with money, however money can only compensate her lack of physical urge onto him so far. It’s also worth pointing out that a good amount of six figure salaries earned in the UK will be London based people. A £100k salary alone, whilst certainly not be frowned upon, will not give you a lifestyle of breath-taking experience when living in London - such is the cost of living (mainly due to residence costs).
How does this implicate on the remaining men?
With over 50,000 hot and upper end cute women left for us mere mortals, how is this split out. Well, fortunately there are still some women (best estimate being a maximum 20% of the 50,000) out there who do place priority on the good old fashioned way in locating a man they are physically attracted to and compatible with, ahead of any other economical or ego driven factor. This percentage of women in today’s generation is considerably less than yesteryear, however they do still exist. I’ve been in relationships with more than a few women who genuinely were that way, however I’ve equally dated a couple who made it look that way at first, but soon showed their true colours in clearly wanting a monetary and asset lifestyle I couldn’t, or more relevantly I wouldn’t, offer them.
This still leaves the approximate forty thousand who you should avoid at your peril. I label them the ‘bitter settlers.’ Not only did she not achieve her first choice of celebrity lifestyle, or the second choice in being with a man she was indifferent with emotionally but who gave her the nice life, but she reached her mid to late twenties and she fails to grasp her chance has gone. Sure, she lives by the exception to the rule story of hearing about a woman who bagged a premier league footballer when she was in her early thirties, and this was after she had a kid with another man. But by the law of averages, if a woman hasn’t secured a man in the top bracket by the age of 26, it is unlikely she ever will. The unfortunate reality is most celebrity men meet women, and commit to them, when the woman is younger than 25.
Women’s expectation levels decrease at a much slower rate than her physical attractiveness levels decline. In other words, if a woman’s expectation level at the age of 22 is at the same as her physical beauty at 9/10, by the age of 25 her expectation level will still be 9/10 yet her physical beauty will more likely be 8/10. At 30, her expectation levels may (but not guaranteed) have dipped a little, but not as much as her looks grade which is now nearer 7.5/10.
Some of these women may choose to go for the perennial low calibre but popular well-known (in a local sense) and reasonably aesthetic jerks (often with tattoos of more than a few). It’s not unusual for a woman like this in her late 20’s (or even early and mid 30’s) to go for younger men too. The motivator behind this is the polar opposite to the second choice of a man with money. In essence she ticks the box of achieving further self-perceived popularity by dating a man known by many around town, even if this is usually on a short-term basis. It also gives her validation for a while, especially if she can show all watching that a younger man finds her attractive – mitigating self-doubts of her dwindling beauty, in the early weeks at least. Rarely do either of these relationship dynamics last very long.
What is my advice?
If you do find yourself with a woman of this kind, and it is unlikely to come to fruition in the early stages of dating when she is on her best behaviour (although in the coming months at most you will pick up on tell-tale signs in what she says and how she acts), in my opinion you only have one option. This one option is to never fully commit to her. Sure, have your good times and be in a relationship like any other – meals, cinema, nights in, holidays etc – and over time more than feel it necessary to move in together should you so wish, but never let her think you can offer her the lifestyle she is hinting. In addition, it is better to do the opposite to what most men do in practice. Most men try and convince women they have more money than they in fact attain in reality. You need to let her believe you have less money than you hold.
At least this way there is the small chance she will love you for who you are and not what you are. This may well just be a case that she has settled for what she couldn’t get, but at least this way you won’t come unstuck when the likely resentfulness on her part starts to show. You can just walk away, unscarred, and move onto the next.
God forbid, but it needs to be pointed out for clarity, marriage would be a car crash waiting to happen with this woman. She probably would marry you if you asked, even with her knowledge you can’t give her the life she wants, because remember this girl is fundamentally an attention seeker. What better way is there for attention seeking than a wedding day? Nevertheless, her inborn and/or developed mentality which knows she settled for you and always thought she deserved more, will never leave. You would be the one metaphorically left holding the baby, picking up the pieces born out of a decision which deep down you know should never have been made.
A final thought
The phrase at the top - “You say I dream too big. I say you think too small.” - most certainly is not from my thoughts. This came from the Facebook page of a friend of a woman I knew a few years ago. She was about 21 at the time. Effectively she epitomizes all as explained above. An attractive girl of 8.5/10 in her prime. Boob job, lip enhancements, fake eyelashes and nails, over-whitened new teeth veneers, and flashy dresses showing flesh pictured all over her social media at any given opportunity. She would get part time jobs where local celebrity or rich men might gather (mainly Hooters in Nottingham). Not the sharpest to be fair in articulate terms, although I’ve met far worse. As a side note, perhaps women who want the easy life blessed in fame and money don’t want to be seen as too clever? They see WAG’s with sports stars and women no prettier than them on reality TV, and the best path to success might be to come across as dense? It was obvious from the first moment I saw her that she wanted the low percentage life chance of finding a high-profile man.
Now she is knocking on the door of 25, if not already there, and as far as I know she never found that man or life. For a while she had completely taken herself off social media, and to me this is a clear sign she never found that life. After all, if she did find the life she wanted it would have been all over the internet quicker than she could get pregnant to the man she tracked down. When women, verbally or silently, make it transparent they crave and deserve the rich and famous lifestyle but then don’t reach that pinnacle, it’s no surprise they go hiding in the trenches where nobody can find out they never did. When hiding in the trenches, away from all, she hopes they think she did.