Gym selfies and posing is a huge mistake

 

“Process is an amazing way of changing sentiment.”

  

Whilst I did not see it in person, and had I done so it would have been a mixture of extreme humour combined with rolling my eyes up to my forehead, somebody recently told me that they saw a man in the gym set up a tripod filming set, to subsequently record his workout in full glory.  In my opinion, acts of this kind are big mistakes. 

The following day from being informed about this pitiful living motion, I saw a woman then film her boyfriend when he was performing bicep curls.  I have seen this couple in there before.  They come across as a “poor man’s” attempt to be a local ‘power’ or celebrity couple.  He is fairly good looking, tattoos on both arms and much of legs, and clearly on the juice.  She is also quite hot and in good shape, tattoos on both arms herself, everyday use of sunbeds as clear to see, and despite being well what looks like past her mid-thirties, quite an attractive face.  I would say she is at least three years his senior.

Q-tip:                                                                                                                                            A woman being seen with a boyfriend who is both younger than her and as physically attractive as her is a very rare sight.  Nevertheless, it is more common for women to seek out younger men when in the decade between early thirties to late thirties than in any other similar time span in her life.  It is also more prominent for abiding and regular gym women like the woman described (over fake tan, boob implants, very much into her self-exposure etc) to date aesthetically impressive men who are on steroids.

To reiterate, this viewing is rare, but then women like her are scarce in the whole scheme of a female environmental population.  With this in mind, you will have most likely seen a few dedicated female gym trainers – most who have never had kids, and are obsessed with keeping in top shape -  alongside buff men. 

A past mistake

I recall a long time ago now when I was innocently walking from one side of the gym to the other.  As it was early morning and perhaps my full conscious thought-process was wandering somewhat, a woman shouted over to me as I walked past her.

I did not understand a word she said, but she started walking towards me.  As I looked at her, before I could catch my breath, she placed her phone in my hand.  She then proceeded to ask me to film her.  I felt like a right idiot filming her for thirty seconds doing a squat set, but there I was.  One of the big boy trainers ridiculed me for doing so, and in fairness I deserved every bit of it.

In my defence, it all happened a little too quickly for me to react in the corrective manner, and it was during a time in my life when I was a lot more green and naïve.  If the same scenario happened today, there would be an instant message from brain to body to not even take the phone.  In addition to this, I would politely inform her that I am short of time, and that I do not take part in this kind of request.  It goes against my principles.

Of course, whilst it does sincerely go against my principles, the bigger reason in refusing to film a woman in the gym (or any other place for that matter, perhaps with the exception of being with a girlfriend in a wonderful place in the world) is for self-interest on my part and not devaluing other people’s perception and view of me.  Simply put, a man filming a woman, irrespective to it being his girlfriend or worse still a woman he is not banging, comes across as a man who is trying too hard to impress a woman.  A man gets the best out a woman when she is endeavouring to impress him.

Men posing in the gym

With this considered however, a woman posing in the gym (or any other place), taking selfies of herself, or embarrassingly filming herself, will get away with this deliverable much more than a man will.  This is simply because if a woman is hot, most men turn a blind eye to an exhibition act of these kinds due to the male mind primarily being attracted to women who are the most sexually attractive.  He might have knowledge that a woman performing her life this way is a red alert for poor long-term material (although I tend to think most men do not even have this level of comprehension), but he will take oversight due to the rewards that are led to his penis.

On the other hand, a man showboating in the same method will, by and large, be frowned upon by other women.  The lower the confidence of the woman (and do not forget that most women have low confidence), the greater she will be less appealed towards him.  It is always important to note that only famous men can truly get away with elevated level posing and self-attention seeking in the eyes of female onlookers.

For further explanation, female distaste of male posing kind of aligns with female distaste of male physical allure.  Both items prickle her ego.  Whilst a woman may not be less sexually attracted to a man she sees posing (on the basis she was sexually attracted to him in the first place), these acts of posing will deter her thoughts of desiring him as a male partner.  Ultimately, she will perceive him as a bit of a wally, and as a modern day western world woman is obsessed with how she believes the world thinks of her, she sure to hell does not want to be known as the girlfriend with a posing wally of a boyfriend.

 Variables to the above

Like any study of women’s emotional thought-process onto a man, there is sub-vision analysis required which implicates on the severity and forgiveness of his delivery.  I offer a selection:

·       An ugly to below average looking man will hardly ever gain anything from posing in the eyes of a woman, but he will equally not lose any admiration either.  This may sound like a contradiction to all the aforementioned explanation, but quite simply she had zero attraction onto him in the first place, therefore it could not move any further south.  On a rare occasion, an ugly to below average man seen posing could make a woman think he has something to offer beyond his ugliness (maybe she thinks he could be a professional/potential athlete, fitness Youtuber, or personal trainer), and we all know a woman is far more attracted towards a man when she sniffs money and social status.

·       Average looking men will follow a very similar path to ugly and below average men in the question of posing.  There will be very little difference, other than an average looking man naturally will have more female suitors (even if most are not sought after women) than uglier men, all else being equal.

·       Above average looking men need to tread carefully when posing.  In normal circumstances, there is no better position in the linear scale of male physical attractiveness than being above average looking (7/10 to 7.75/10).  An above average looking man has a woman’s emotional ego in a perfect position – she finds him attractive, but he does not put her nose out of joint by being too easy on the eye.  Nevertheless, should he start to pose too often and too blatantly, this luxury of a woman’s ideal emotional temperament can be thrown down the toilet.

·       Men at the high end of male physical attractiveness should avoid being seen posing at all costs.  A woman already feels intimidated, inferior, and ego damaged in seeing men at the top end of male aesthetic beauty, therefore posing will only further alienate and distant her intentions in being with him that much further.

·       In respect to all the above, if a man holds high social status and wealth, the negative consequences regarding his degree of posing will be mitigated to a large extent.  A woman is easily put off by a man when he does something she does not like, and she is very unforgiving in any wrong move he makes (whether it be her male partner or just a man she knows/sees), however these displeasing sights or acts are put to one side when she has something to gain which is a greater incentive than the things that enforce irritation in her mind.

What is the solution / what do I do?

When all said and done, let me start with the simple part.  In no way, shape or form should a man take pictures of himself, film himself, or, as shameful and shameless as it gets, set up filming equipment to do so.  Let that be the foundation of this post, if nothing else.

With that said, gym mirrors are there for a reason.  It would be a bit weird if you faced away from the mirror during a set performance, therefore use the mirror for, and only for, the time you perform that set.

Amalgamating the two therefore, I think I have perfected the happy medium of what to do in the gym. 

1)    During a set, I focus entirely on the mirror to assess my form and technique.  This viewing of myself is far more with focus on a mind to muscle signal, as opposed to the necessity of how good I am looking.

2)    Once the set is complete, if it is a standing exercise I look away from the mirror, and use the short rest period as an opportunity to stretch out and take a small sip of water.  Occasionally I may even have a discrete letch at an impressive looking woman in there, before focusing once more on the next set.

3)    If on a bench exercise, once the set is complete I stand up and stretch/sip again in facing away from the mirror.

4)    If the mirror is in a more isolated part of the gym when performing a bench exercise, if possible post set I will stretch out in facing the brick/plasterboard/timber wall as opposed to looking in the mirror.

5)    Once all sets are finished, I quickly move on to the next exercise and area in the gym.

What all this results in is not allowing any woman to think I am too into myself, concurrent to them knowing I am a serious and dedicated trainer. 

Q-tip:                                                                                                                                 Women will look for any reason to believe dating a good looking man is not a good decision.  Do not make this decision easy for them.

Life lessons in dealing with women

 

“The biggest lessons in life derive from your mistakes and failures rather than your triumphs and accomplishments.  You just need to ensure the latter evolves from the former.” 

 

I picked up on this article via a daily link that arrives to my inbox.

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Today is my ex-girlfriend's birthday. I didn't text or call her from past 6 months so today I called her. The conversation went on something like this....

Me: Hey, happy birthday!!

She: Thankyou. By the way who is this??

Me: Guess...

She : Adithya??

Me : Thank god u remember me, how are you doing? I heard that u qualified in JEE mains

She : Yeah, well that's not such a great thing to brag about (irritated)

Me: Its okay yar, not a problem, prepare well for advanced..

She: Dude, I'm actually outside now and phone's battery is about to die, so shall we talk some other day?

Me: How much percentage of charge is left?

She: Hung the call

Later I checked in whatsapp, she was online almost all the time. I had such a heavy schedule, but still I managed to call her and tried to talk. But the way she responded was so devastating.

This incident has taught me a great lesson in my life….

“Don't waste your time in convincing useless people because they never appreciate your value in their life"

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My introductory thoughts

There will be very few (honest) men out there who have not, at least once in their life, replicated this kind of mistake or poor choice of actions as the narrator does so in this scenario.  I know I have, and on more than a couple of occasions. 

Q-tip 1:                                                                                                                                         It is an applauding trait to face up to your mistakes, shortcomings, or poor judgements.  It is an incredibly poor trait to never do so.                       

With this said, the only way a man can learn to better execute in future decision-making with female interaction is to not consistently return to the mistakes once made.  You can forgive one error, maybe two or three, but sooner rather than later it is not a half bad idea to nip them in the bud.  If you primarily do not learn from your own life experience, and secondary you do not understand what you see with your own two eyes via others, the unwelcome news is there is not a better source out there to assist you.

The key mistakes

There are a number of mistakes this man makes, based on the information he declares in his shared story.  I will list the mistakes and poor assessments on his part, along with the easy factors he should have comprehended in order to refrain from this apparent poor common sense delivery.

·       On the assumption the ex-girlfriend never contacted him (it is highly unlikely she did, based on him saying he never contacted her), there was no reason for him to contact her in the first place.  I do not care if it is her birthday, in fact any man getting on with his life would have let the day pass by without conscious awareness.

·       Even if her birthday came before his birthday since the split six months ago, he should have installed a mindset that if this was the chronological case, she would not have sent him any wishes in the slightest.

·       If there has been no contact in six months, you can place your house on the fact she was getting on with her life, in conjunction with truly little (if any) passing thought towards him. 

·       Any woman still in love with a man will have sent messages of some kind post parting of ways, especially in the preliminary stages when her heart is still achy, and she is hanging onto hope that the two will reconcile.

·       The vast majority of women will not stay single for six months.  He should have assumed she is either in a relationship with another man, or she is in something more casual (but still sexual) with another man.

·       Why did he call her after six months of no contact?  At most, and still not advised, he should have only sent a two word WhatsApp message.  Her response (or lack of) would have given him the signs to whether she is wanting to get it back on, or she is after nothing more than a bit of attention-seeking for a day or two.

·       Her first reply of “Who is this” is an insult to a man who was once her ex-boyfriend (kind of makes me wonder if the whole thing meant a lot more to him than it did to her, even at the time.  Was he even nailing her!?).  If she genuinely (and I very much doubt this was the case) no longer attained his number on her directory, then this is not a good signal.  If she (as I expect was the case) played the plausible deniability card that she did not recognise the number, then this is also not a good sign – as a woman still into a man would not gamble like this (granted, some immature women do this just to play the hard to get game).

·       His “Thank god you remember me” line is dire in order to try and get a woman to like you in a sexual manner.  Any man coming across like he is grateful to be with a woman is a man who will not succeed.  A woman needs to believe she is at least as gratified to be with a man as the inverse.  In an ideal world, she is even more happy to know him than he is joyful to know her.

·       Similar to the above, he gets it all wrong by being the obvious chaser.  Women are more aroused by and attracted to a man when they chase him.

·       If you are trying to nail a woman – whether at interaction stage or in attempts to reconvene what once was – being called “Dude”, “Mate” or similar is not what a man should desire to hear.  If it was “Babe” or “Hun”, this is a more positive sign she may want more (however, do not take this as a major positive in text language alone).

·       As soon as she cooked up the desperate lie of a flat phone battery, that is enough evidence, if there was not enough present beforehand for him, to know she is bullshitting and is not interested.  If she had simply claimed she was late for a meeting but would love to pick up later, then it would have been more believable.  An average phone battery will have at least eight hours of life; therefore, it is somewhat coincidental that after a minute of conversation with him, it is going flat.

·       His “How much percentage of charge is left?” question is the mother of all desperation and supplication.  It is one thing to be lied to by a woman, but to subsequently come across as believing her, and further still clinging onto any last grasp of her existence, just makes a lesser man out of yourself.

·       Hanging up on the call, even for the most naïve and blue balls man, has to be the final nail in the coffin to any pitiful grasp of hope that the woman likes you in a sexual endeavouring way.  For your own sake, move onto something else.

Q-tip 2:                                                                                                                                   Such is the constant and guilt free process women take in lying to men (and lying to themselves and others too), a man will find it extremely hard to control a woman’s lying habits.  What a man can control is his pride, dignity, and decisions to bin her once he realizes said woman is a constant liar.  Take control of what you own, and your life will be a happier one.

Has the man learnt from this?

Without knowing the man, or without ever mentoring him in any such capacity, it is unknown whether he learnt from these mistakes, or he continued in the same exercise with the next woman he met (or God forbid, the same woman once more).  I can only pray for him that the pennies did drop.

He did seem to be incredibly upset, and for that he has my greatest and sincerest sympathies.  I have been there myself, and I know readers of this blog have been there also.  I can guarantee you that any man saying he has not, is a liar.

To his credit, he did write the corrective words at the end.  In essence, he is effectively saying that she does not deserve his efforts.  My only concern for him, and many men who act like him, is that they say the right things in not being prepared to be treated like dog shit by a woman again, but they rinse repeat with the same deficiencies when love encounters down the line.

A final thought

You may or may not have noticed, at the time of the man writing, that the two of them were junior doctors.  May I point out that a doctor in the medical sector – whether still within the education institute or fully practicing – are commonly seen as the <1% of professional, educated, and intelligent people out there.

Two things come to mind on this matter.  First, it further illustrates that no matter how educated, intelligent, or highly professional in career status a man may be, this does not compensate for his knowledge level of emotional psychology savviness when dealing with women.  Based on observing numerous men in this compartment lacking experience with women, I would even go as far to say that these men are the men who are the ineptest with women, and they leave the scene of crime with the heaviest hearts.  That said, a lot of these men do tend to go for less attractive (Plain Jane) types of women, therefore their receipt of broken hearts and sustained lying to is mitigated to a considerable extent.

Second, do not think that it is only lower class, lower educated, or less intelligent women who are most prone to lying to and playing immature games with men.  Whilst I would argue that you are more likely to encounter these habits with women in this group (such is a lower class or low intelligent woman’s greater need for drama, problems and issues), it simply reinforces the proof that, if it means moving away from one man and onto a better male option, a woman who belongs to this higher class/intelligence/educated segment will happily lie and manipulate until the cows come home if it means moving up the food chain ladder, so to speak.

Q-tip 3:                                                                                                                                         If you an intelligent man yourself, the only difference between a lower intelligence woman and a higher intelligence woman is that you will naturally find the latter more enjoyable to be with than the former.  Nevertheless, your mentality approach should be that you cannot trust one of them any more than the other.