Meeting women at the gym

 

“You can’t shoot a canon out of a canoe.”

  

As the dwindling numbers of people going out to bars and nightclubs shows no sign of slowing down (and nearly always consist of a high male to female ratio representation), not that either venue was ever regarded as a great place for most men to meet decent women, the gym isn’t a half bad place to meet attainable women (or non-single women who are happy to adulterate) you would like to take things further with.  Granted, it’s not the best or ideal place either, but then again, the world wasn’t designed to be ideal or simple.

As I have gone on record in the past, any statistics based on honest answers will derive in the majority of couples meeting via friendship/acquaintance/family networks.  Not far off this cohabitation compartment will be those who met at a working environment.  This results in less than a fifty percent chance to meet a woman through another passage, and the gym will be one of those.

I came across this link on a recent day when my mind was running curious with me.  It’s not clear if the author is a woman, but even if it is there is enough logic consisting within the article that tells me it isn’t a usual woman with her head in the clouds.  Most women writing about how men should proact with them will lead with their egos (hence what makes women feel best about themselves), and not necessarily what is beneficial for said man in order for the target woman to be attracted to him.

Nevertheless, there are parts I agree with and elements I contest.  I document each one (for the purpose of abbreviation, some of the text is not copied in) and then give my verdict in comparison:

8 Etiquette Tips for Impressing a Girl at the Gym

1.     Aim to impress her with your personality, not your muscles.

Many guys make the mistake of trying to impress girls with their bulging biceps rather than their charming personalities. Always remind yourself that it's your personality and charisma that will help you to impress a girl at the gym.

Vi Nay verdict: Agree

As stated many times on this blog, the vast majority of women are more interested in non-visual aspects to a man’s desirables than his physical allure - when it comes to boyfriend selection.  Most women are put off by male posers who try too hard (yet these are men who often come across as insecure).

2.     Don't try to impress her with how much weight you can lift.

Many guys also make the mistake of believing that the amount of weight they lift is directly proportional to how impressive they look at the gym. This is totally untrue, especially from a girl's perspective.

Vi Nay verdict: Agree

Nothing more needs to be said!

3.     Use relaxed body language; don't act stiff and puffed up.

Puffing up and keeping your body stiff in an attempt to impress girls is a common sign of attraction in men. But this can also make you look like a weird muscle freak at the gym.

Vi Nay verdict: Agree

In essence, any body language that looks stressed, unnatural and try-hard is a turn off to any woman worth having.  Women sense this as a sign of weakness in a man, and in contrast interpret relaxed and genuine male body language as a signal of strength and protection.

4.     Don't stare at a girl while she is working out.

Staring at a girl continuously while she is working out will make her think that you're some kind of weirdo. You can look at a girl by stealing a few flirty glances, but don't keep staring at her like a pervert.

Vi Nay verdict: Agree

Much depends on how much hotter the girl is than you, but generally speaking this advice is sound.  A firm balance of a smirky look at her (so she knows you find her attractive) is not a bad thing, but anything beyond this and her mind will be automated to think you are too interested.

5.     Don't act obsessed with your workout.

You will look like a gym freak if you seem obsessed and meticulous about your workouts all the time. It is good to be dedicated to your training routine, but you will turn a woman off if you seem too aggressive.

Vi Nay verdict: Agree

Grunting, dropping weights, and looking at yourself in the mirror not during a set once more smacks out desperation, insecurity, attention-seeking and try hard mentality in a man.  No woman worth having desires to see this, and more importantly, no woman worth having is attracted to it.

6.     Smell nice; wear a nice men's cologne

Smelling nice should be a number one priority if you want to impress a girl at the gym. Apply a pleasant-smelling deodorant or cologne before you reach the gym.

Vi Nay verdict: Totally agree

Three to four sprays of a nice eau de toilette accompanied by a generous spray of nice deodorant (after washing your armpits of course) will allow a man to stand out from the crowds of either neutral scent or poor odour men.  I disperse this without fail, and I can sense how much women like it.  Some women transparently linger over longer than required just to sample a sniff.  Even an average looking man can significantly increase his overall appeal to women when smelling good.

7.     Wipe off that sweat—carry a personal gym towel with you at all times.

Most girls will agree that the sight of a guy dripping in sweat is generally a turn-off. Everyone expects you to be a little sweaty at the gym, but that doesn't mean you should leave puddles of sweat all over the workout floor.

Vi Nay verdict: Partly disagree

Not sure on this one.  At the moment my gym still has a rule to use the gym paper and sanitizers to wipe down after use.  Towels are forbidden.  Personally, I prefer this.  I don’t think walking around with a sweaty towel is a benefit (unless you are an uncontrollably sweaty man), and from my recent experience, women are attracted to the minority of men who take the time to wipe down the benches and equipment via gym hygiene supplies.

8.     Build a rapport with everyone at the gym.

A girl will instantly notice you in the gym if you're the guy who knows just about everyone on the gym floor. Build a rapport with the trainers, gym staff, and others who generally come to the gym around the same time of day as you.

Vi Nay verdict: Partly agree

On the one hand, women are obsessed by male social proof and popularity, therefore it backs up the argument that men should interact with as many people as possible.  On the other hand, if a woman sees a man who is constantly talking and rarely training, she will look upon this in a negative form.  A balance should be struck.  With all that said, if a cute or hot woman sees you talking to a woman of similar physical attractiveness level to her, this will be worth the same as fifty men talking to you. 

The list goes on…

There are more tips on meeting /conversing and fashion within the article.  Most are self-explanatory, so unless any of you would like elaboration on any of the points, I’ll leave it at that.

The one point however that I must pull the author up on is the ridiculous suggestion to add her on Facebook once you have broken the ice with her.  Where to start on how this is an awful idea, but as a few bullet points:

·       There is no need to know anything more personal about a woman during the first conversation than her first name.  Likewise, with her not knowing any more about you.  If a man asks to connect with a woman on social media after five or ten minutes of conversation, the likelihood is she thinks you are about to digitally stalk her in the next hour.  When a woman thinks you are too interested too soon, her interest in you will move in the opposite direction.

·       The author states that it will give the two of you more to talk about when next speaking at the gym.  This should be almost irrelevant, as if you have talked for a few minutes then the next meet up should be on a date, so to speak.  Simply put, you should have asked her out and not felt the need to find out more about her via Facebook. 

·       The author states a Facebook connection will allow you to ask her about her life.  Bad idea in this respect.  First, once more it shows you are stalking her too soon in the “get to know her” phase.  Second, it can construe as a man being too interested in her.  Third, it can allow a woman to think the man sees her life as so much more dramatic, busier and popular than his own.  Women are turned on by a busy man getting on with his own life, not men who obsess over a woman’s goings on.

·       Social media – whether through pictures, videos, messages received/sent etc – can allow the mind to paint a negative picture of another person.  In the early stages, a man should give a woman a clean piece of paper and let her prove she is good girlfriend material.  If you produce a perception of a woman based over and above getting to know her on face value, you may as well be acting as a woman does so in the inverse scenario. 

All in all, I agree with most of what is documented.  Like anything though, base your thoughts on your honest and objective experiences gained from your own two eyes.

Acknowledgements

Pairedlife.com

Male scents impacting on women’s attraction

 

“As long as we have a choice, we have a chance.”

 

Where does time go when you consider this post was written nearly seven years ago.  Has much changed in your life since then?  I guess in all walks of life, certain aspects seem like a million years ago in so far as similarity to once was, whilst other things have completely stood still.  I digress…

The narrative

There is a young blonde in the gym I go to who I first saw a few months ago.  She’s pretty cute and has a good figure, although I doubt she is a day over twenty.  She strikes the no man’s land female character of walking around with a level of self-consciousness and slight nervousness, yet she clearly holds strong desires to meet a potential boyfriend in there.  She has given indicators of interest to at least another couple of men in that I've seen.  She is friendly enough on the face of it, in fact on the couple of occasions when it appeared she was waiting for the same machine as me, she has been more than receptive.

It’s dawned on me three times now that the “waiting” and walking to the same equipment has not been a coincidence.  Just the other day she walked up to the area I had been working out, to which I swiftly moved on.  She then, after moving to another part of the gym in looking disinterested in doing any productive training, walked towards another area where I had been training.

Although I had moved at least five yards away, after wiping it down, from the relative equipment on the second occasion in order to perform cool down stretching (therefore it was obvious I had finished there), she came up to me and asked if I had finished.  Once more, she was more than amiable.  I can think of dozens of women of over the years who would go out there way to avoid being even close to me or not talking to me, therefore I can only applaud girls like her.  Nevertheless, considering she is young enough to be a potential love child of mine (and she looks as young as she is, assuming she is nineteen), I felt somewhat awkward to be near her.

Q-tip 1:

It’s a forgivable task for a man to feel a little sorry for a woman like her – someone who attains a likeable persona and who clearly wants a man in her life.  Nevertheless, always remember that a cute woman will conceivably have at least a dozen male suitors who would give their right arm to be with her.  The problem lies that, and in particular at her young age, she wouldn’t want to be with any of them.

Why on these occasions?

There are a few reasons her lingering was more pronounced than usual.  I highlight the main three:

·       Women will hold uncontrollable moves to be near certain men within a small window in their menstrual cycle.  Rather than me go on about it now, read this previous post for an extensive explanation.  I’d hedge a fair bet she was either at the start or slap bang in the middle of her most fertile week.  The fact she was wearing hot pants for the first time in there that I’d seen only reinforces this likelihood.

·       Nearly all women are attracted to older men on a natural and instinctive basis.  Women who go for younger men are generally acting out a role of pleasuring their own egos rather than pleasuring their hearts.  Whilst most women therefore do prefer older men, the number of years older does depend on the woman herself.  Whilst in a minority, I’ve known more than a small number of women in their teens or early twenties who will actively (or at least be totally receptive to his advances) be attracted to men who are ten, fifteen or even twenty years their senior.  Once more, I get the feeling she is one of these young women.

·       I was sporting a fresh haircut from the day prior.  A trim for a man usually makes him look two to three years younger than before his visit to the hairdresser.  Once more, a younger woman (or more to the point, a younger looking woman) will take kindly to an older man looking that bit more youthful than usual.

·       A certain type of male fragrance can attract a certain type of woman.  On this particular day I just so coincidentally happened to be wearing a younger man’s eau de toilette in comparison to a more mature fragrance.  This may come across as a contradiction to my exposition regarding her liking towards older men, but it also goes in line with how a younger woman will like an older looking man (older looking than herself) who dresses and smells closer to her age.

Age dependant fragrances

Irrespective of a man’s age, it is still beneficial for a man to armour himself with a number of different fragrances.  Not only does this separate him from the predictability factor of a woman always knowing what he will smell like, but it also provides him with a level of flexibility in attracting various women who walk past his footsteps.

And I would expect that most men who aren’t already committed to one woman (and many men who are happy to adulterate too) will go through phases when they would like to sleep with differing types of women.  One month you may like slimmer women with smaller tits, yet the next month may be more lookout time for curvaceous broads with bigger baps?  This week it may be blondes, but tomorrow it could be brunettes or a rare redhead?  Maybe you aren’t a man who only likes women with longer hair, and you have spells of a girl with a bob style?  Perhaps you spin plates in your mind with various female race, culture, nationalities, or skin colour?  And finally, are you currently in the phase of women younger than you, but soon it will be those a bit older or closer to your age?

Which fragrances for which women?

I’m not going to front, and I have to concede that I still own a few last drops of those fragrances owned seven or more years ago.  Lost potency?  More than probable.  With that said, there are some additions.  This is how I would compartmentalize female preference:

Fragrance                                                                               Female Age Group

Yves Saint Laurent Intense                                                    >31

Dolce & Gabbana Light Blue                                                  26 to 30

Mont Blanc Legend                                                                 26 to 30, >31

Mont Blanc Legend Intense                                                    26 to 30, >31

Armani code                                                                            23 to 25, 26 to 30

Armani code Profumo                                                             18 to 22, 23 to 25

Hugo Boss The Scent Intense                                                26 to 30, >31

Viktor & Rolf Spicebomb                                                         26 to 30, >31

Viktor & Rolf Spicebomb Fresh                                               26 to 30

Hollister So Cal                                                                       18 to 22, 23 to 25, 26 to 30

Hollister So Cal Sunset                                                           18 to 22

Abercrombie & Fitch Fierce                                                    18 to 22, 23 to 25

Hugo Boss Bottled Intense                                                     26 to 30

Issey Miyake L’Eau D’Issey                                                    All female ages

Dior Homme Parfum                                                               26 to 30, >31

Hugo Boss Bottled The Night                                                 23 to 25, 26 to 30

Prada Luna Rosa                                                                   18 to 22, 23 to 25

Tom Ford Black Orchid                                                           26 to 30, >31

Tom Ford Velvet Orchid                                                          26 to 30

Q-tip 2:

Absence of absolution and with consideration to against the law of averages, the more (within reason) feminine or moderately sweet the scent, the more likely the younger the woman to who it will attract and appeal to.  Conversely, the more masculine or vetiver the scent, the greater likelihood it will attract and appeal to their older female counterparts. 

A final thought

Whilst I haven’t exactly been stamping in data on my phone when observing the relationship between each fragrance and the women it appeared to attract and ignite, I do have a knack of my subconscious thoughts later manifesting to conscious realization.  With this in mind, all the above is based on my honest experience.

It is also important and worthwhile noting that a certain male fragrance on one man can often smell different to the equivalent on another man.  Each man’s skin will enhance, or otherwise, certain aroma.  This is always why, prior to investment, that you ensure the respective fragrance is sampled on your skin and left to settle for at least five minutes, and not sprayed on a perfume card or similar that are supplied at airports or department stores.  I’ve made this mistake at least once in my life.

As a final caveat to the above, if a woman acts with considerably less maturity than her birth certificate reflects (which is a large and growing percentage of women in modern western society), there are greater odds that she will be more inclined to go for men smelling of younger male fragrances.  On the other hand, and like the woman in this anecdote, women who act with maturity and personality beyond their years will be more open to odours (good ones!) identified with older men.

How Attraction Works: the missing key points

 

“The best investment you will ever make is the investment in yourself.”

  

A reader asks for my thoughts on this video link.  In a moment I will do such that.

A repulsive listening

Just yesterday I met up with a chap who used to go to my former gym.  As I don’t see him any more on a regular basis, we meet up for a coffee every few months.

The man I reference is a good deal older than me, in fact he is now retired and has two grown up children.  After the story he elaborated on about his son and the son’s adulterating psycho ex-wife, he then mentioned that his daughter had also been cheated on by her ex-husband.  Two out of two for infidelity statistics!

He went on to say that his daughter has a new partner who is a bit older than her.  Then came the repulsive words when he informed me that the new man in her life is so gratified to be with her, to the point where he regularly documents comments on social media illustrating how lucky he is to be with her and how he is boxing above his weight.  Puke!

Q-tip:

No matter what the objective leverage is regarding the woman you are with (which will usually be her higher physical attractiveness), never let her consciously aware you believe this to be the case.  Instead, allow her to know how she is fortuitous to be with you, or at the very least how the relationship is mutual and equal blessed.  Once a woman gets a sniff that you are overly grateful to be with her, you consequently don’t receive the best out of her in return.

The video link

The problem with Youtubers who talk about emotional psychology – men and women alike (although the female members will usually inform men what they think they want, rather than what they do) – is that they select large parts in explanation that are accurate, but then the political corrective words and need to create the largest audience take over.  What this means is most of the time, like the guy in this video, they conveniently exclude many of the real reasons and truisms to the actual reality.

Attraction Explained

At 1:20 he uses a very good analogy on the car purchase scenario.  In real language, both men’s and women’s eyes are instinctively drawn to members of the opposite sex, but his version is rather generic that humans then, in reflection, choose for something that isn’t too flash but likewise something they aren’t disgusted by. 

What I’d like to have seen him spell out further is the difference between how men and women act with the item that catches their eye in the first instance.  For enhanced credibility and accuracy, he needed to explain how most men will pretty much always, with no commitment (but often having commitment) obstacles, hold predilections to take it further with a woman who arouses him the most to have sex with.  Very little else comes into play.  On the other hand, even if a woman cannot take her eyes off a man simultaneous to fantasizing in her mind what he does to her, the vast majority of women will not desire to take it any further than that with him.  In summary, a man will buy the car if he can afford it, whilst the woman will look at it but walk past and purchase something with lower maintenance.

The relationship between ATTRACTION and SEX

At 2:55 he uses a key phrase of – “While attraction is not a choice, acting on it is.”  No truer words will ever be said.  He then goes on to add, very well it should be said, how attraction (or a lack of attraction he alludes to with respect to the dinner date) and sex are linked.

He states that attraction and sex are situational driven.  True again.  What he could have detailed were more scenarios where a woman will have sex with a man based on her differing emotions.  I’ll do it for him:

1)    Good sex based on uncontrollable and natural sexual arousal

2)    Social proof

3)    To feel loved, attractive, and better about herself (even if she isn’t totally aroused by the man she has sex with)

4)    Desperation and to not feel lonely or be alone (whether immediate or longer term)

5)    False female projection – where a woman is fully into him and believes that having sex with him on the first night will lead him to want to be with her as boyfriend

6)    To show off to her friends, and attempts to prove she is a great catch and men can’t resist her (kind of an amalgamation between 2 and 3)

7)    Mutual needs – ranging from friends with benefits (and non-commitment) no strings sex, to very little physical attraction but for validation and companionship

At 5:55 he talks about sex without attraction.  He pertinently mentions prostitution, gold digger dynamics and arranged marriages in terms of when it can happen.  I would also subscribe to say that many women will have sex with men for the purposes of 2), 3), 4) and 6), although I will concede that this is more likely when she has little to moderate sexual attraction towards said man, rather than none at all.  In other words, this will explain why so many cute and hot women are with mediocre looking boyfriends.  She isn’t disgusted by him, and there is just about enough sexual attraction alongside the other mitigating factors she benefits from.

Value & Attraction / Evolutionary Attraction

At 6:35 he ventures onto value and attraction.  I particularly like the stage at 7:30 where he dissects how evolution, or effectively varying generations, impact on how value and attraction entwine.  At 8:20 he demonstrates how the jerky boy, no prospects, lower class tattooed guy can have far more sexual activity than the professional man who has all the provisioning infrastructure in place.

Once more, this topic needs a lot more divulgence. 

·       For starters, the woman in this case may pick either man based on female age at the time.  Needless to say, women younger than 23 years of age are far more likely to pick Biker Boy than women post 23. 

·       Another obvious variable is a woman’s physical attractiveness.  Irrespective of age, men with high social proof/popularity desirability (even if only average looking men) are more likely to be seen with cute and hot women in comparison to less physically alluring women who will scout for the dependable nice guy.

·       Finally, female social class as pointed out in this previous post plays a huge part too.  All else equal, a woman from a lower social class will screen for the jerk, whilst a woman from a higher social class will exert greater efforts to be with the professional man.

A final thought

He could have also, with the guts to not be politically correct and worry about upsetting anyone, gone further into female situational attraction.  As a non-exhaustive brainstorming exercise myself - female age, options with men, the number of female (or male lapdog) friends implication on her social options, her physical beauty level, her place of residence (is it highly populated with lots going on, or just small town/village with limited event pastimes?), or innate character build up (is she a homely girl who likes a solid boyfriend, or more of a girl’s girl who likes to party?) all play a part on a woman’s ultimate choice in men, and how her visceral attraction may or may not be acted upon.

A few words by him – something that was alluded by me above and has never been more applicable in recent decades than the last eighteen months – is how the pandemic and social restrictions have hugely connected women’s choice over attraction.  With fewer social options, women are far more inclined (and forced upon) to go for boyfriend time than fun time with edgier men.

A final, final thought

The big missing piece to this jigsaw is based around how the modern-day social pressures on women to look good have compounded, in addition to media/social media exposure showing vast numbers of other women looking far more glamorous than they naturally are.  This manifests to create far more doubts in a woman’s mind in relation to her overall value to the world, which will often mean she doesn’t go for the best man she can secure.  What she will do instead, in order to mitigate this predicament, is look for a man who makes her feel better about herself.

Acknowledgements

Youtube.com