Saturday, 30 August 2014

The differing views of male and female physical impressiveness

"Not everything that can be counted counts, 
and not everything that counts can be counted."


Make no mistake about it, a woman’s initial sexual attraction to a man she finds physically appealing is every bit as strong as a man’s feelings in the gender inverse scenario.  It could even be argued it is that little bit stronger, as there are less men at the top end of male aesthetic impressiveness (hence, very good looking men with raw power display) than there are females with relative physical beauty in the same percentage analysis.  When a commodity is in shorter supply, it brings about more fascination than an equal, but perhaps more accustomed, item.

However, this is where the similarity ends.  A man will almost always take on an opportunity to enter a relationship or liaison with a woman he finds pleasing to the eye.  Even if she is not to his absolute liking in personality or feminine terms, a man will still pursue, even if it is only with a short term mindset. 

Women, on the other hand, take on a completely different process.  Although a man may give her sexually arousing thoughts during the first glance, a woman will assess other metrics he can offer – like personality, charisma and status – before she contemplates taking things further.  Once that first step has been taken, she will look to collate as much further information on him – like his wealth, ambition, potential, relationship history/validation (usually a greater number of past girlfriends will attract her more) and reliability.  She will also desire him to prove he has a lack of supplication and an element of challenge.

But women also take it on a further step, often as early as the attraction stage.  Whilst men only truly consider how a woman will push his sexual buttons, with little concern to any other inner thoughts, a woman will make a judgment on her trust, insecurity and egoism issues if she thought he was as, or more, eye catching than her.  In many cases, far more than people realize, a woman will reluctantly resist the temptations of a man she finds sexually appealing.  You could call it a calculated decision or a contingency for the future, if you will.  Or you could call it a case of protecting her pride and ego first, and wondering what the consequences and implications of a safer bet might one day bring.  The result of this safe decision will most often end with manifested underwhelmed, frustration and resenting emotions.

Major caveat: the above deliverable by women – locating lesser looking men - is most prevalent, but by no means only applicable, to women above the age of 23.

Second caveat to above: the reason this trend – women making an apparent decision to select a less visually striking man – is not as noticeable with women above the age of 30 (on the basis the man she is with isn’t 10+ years older than her) is because physical ageing of facial and bodily features from this age is far more rapid in females than males.  In other words, if a 24 year old better looking woman met a comparative uglier man of 30, by the time they were 32 and 38 respectively there would be less of a visual imbalance.

If you’re a curious onlooker wondering why you hardly ever see a hot woman with a tall, toned and facially blessed man, you won’t be on your own with this question mark inside the grey matter.  If you observe the numbers on both sides, and comprehend that there are 3 to 4 times more of these women than men, it could leave you scratching your head further still.  As an observer of these dynamics who also has a passion for numbers, I will point out like this:

3.5 x 10%        =          0.35
The above calculation interprets as 10% of hot women whose egos don’t stand in their way of being with an equally eye catching man.  3.5 is the number of hot women in comparison to every 1 hot man.

1 / 0.35            =          2.86
For arguments sake, the 2.86 can be rounded up to 3.  With this consideration, there are 3 hot men fighting for this 1 hot woman.

An additional consideration to the above is that this 1 hot woman - whose ego is capable of being with a hot man – may likely not place physical attractiveness as a high priority in her desirable list for a male partner.  Under the female age of 24 brings a more desired requirement for male high social status, whilst at this age and beyond comes a need for male occupational status and wealth.  As such a small percentage (<0.1%) of men have height, an impressive body and facial good looks amalgamation, it is highly likely these men are not the most visually blessed. 

All this throws further reasoning to why the viewing of a hot woman with a hot man is so rare.

Once more, explanations of this nature should leave lesser looking men licking their lips.  I have no agenda or vested interest here.  All I point out is the truth based on what I see and experience, and my ego is left behind.  There will always be a threshold to how high a man can “date up” in physical looks respect, but if you are just that run of the mill average looking guy with an honest profession, good morals and values, and the usual mediocre level of personality, charisma and social status, you should be aiming to walk hand in hand with a girlfriend who is 10% to 15% better looking than you. 


If you’re above average in these measurements, you should be striving to find a woman even hotter than the percentage leverage as explained.  If you’re falling below this yardstick, my guess is you simply don’t believe in yourself, or more likely still, you haven’t come to comprehend how the female mind works when selecting male candidates.  The next time you walk down a busy shopping mall and see numerous couples walking arm in arm, spend a few priceless seconds assessing how you grade each one.  If there is one thing I have learnt in life, it is that your eyes cannot run from the truth.

Wednesday, 27 August 2014

Bad to nice, nice to bad, bad to bad, nice to nice: the successful process to keep women interested

“A bad man seen through favourable eyes can perform a thousand acts of wrong doing, but in turn he will never be punished for his misdemeanours.  A good man who lives outside of this glass house can implement a thousand corrective moves, but his first wrong maneuver has no leeway for reasoning or context, and it ends in the jettison of what was perceived as true love.”
                 

We’ve all heard the phrase - “treat them mean to keep them keen.”  It’s not a phrase I hear as much now compared to my early days of dating.  Maybe it has been replaced with one of similar meaning, or perhaps some women have denied it so much that it has forced men to transform in never saying it, but in the world of sexual attraction it is no less true than when I first heard it all those many years ago. If anything, this phrase has never been more accurate.

Most men out there, despite the protestations of women seeking out sympathy votes for their luckless choices in the male species, are nice guys who have beta traits in their innate personality.  Some people change on a wholesale basis, but the vast majority will always stay the same way inclined. We never truly know a person without spending every minute of the day with them, but you only need to look around the office or in any workplace and it becomes apparent that the majority of men are good natured, with integrity and loyalty installed into them.  It’s only a minority who choose to cheat on their wives or girlfriends, or generally treat them with a lack of respect.  A woman’s nature is to bad mouth this kind of man but in actual fact to be attracted to him.  This change up of emotions from saying to acting is a catalyst erupted from her lack of attraction to a high number of nice guys who are just too unchallenging.  Easily put, the minority of men who do not actually treat women the appropriate way are far more appealing than the majority of men who carry out the appropriate actions – the appropriate actions in theory, at least.

So if most men are genuinely nice people, yet the phrase has always been referred to for generations, why does this not marry up and why do more men not act this way in order to be more successful with the opposite sex?  Well, most men understandably believe that this is only a statement used by a few despicable men that cannot be bothered to endeavour and invest in women in the accepted way.  They also persist in believing only females with low self-esteem search out these men.   For every woman who is crying in the corner in wondering why she has such bad luck with men and that this is a coincidence, there are at least half a dozen nice guys with beta habits listening to her with na├»ve and sympathetic ears. They have been sucked into being convinced she does desire a man to treat her well all the time, that this is sheer misfortune on her part, and that she doesn’t deliberately search out the bad boys of the world. Who can blame a young, honest, good intentional, sexually aroused and gullible man for being convinced of her innocence?  His lack of experience and naivety collaborate in enforcing him to be this way, and to consequently live in hope that one day he will be the prince to rescue this broken hearted princess.

A man in any walk of life cannot put a price on experience and variety.  In his interactions and relationships with women, only past experiences allow him to evaluate the bigger picture in drawing on the reasons as to why this phrase is often true.  Most importantly he must do something about it instead of wasting valuable time in thinking it will suddenly change.  As much as women say they need a nice guy to treat them right all the time, and a small selection do, there are more that need the fire to keep burning and for drama to be created in order to prove there is a purpose in their lives.  Never forget to watch her actions before listening to the words she speaks out. So often the two will be a million miles apart.

Does all this mean a man should intentionally act like a total jerk with a woman from the first day until the last in order to keep her?  The easy answer is: no, this is absolutely not the case.  I’ve always been an advocate in the belief that an unapologetic bad boy has a limited shelf life in success with women.  It’s just that in the early days of her single status she is drawn towards these men ahead of a man who puts everything on a plate for her.

The following four processes show the differing emotions a woman will go through in accordance with how a man conducts himself:

Nice to Nice

This process is when a woman is aware of a man being a nice guy from the start, and he continues through the relationship in the exact same way in placing her on a pedestal, idolizing her, and basically being unchallenging.

A woman will usually take on a guy like this when she has made a conscious decision that she deserves a period in her life when she is in control of the relationship, therefore she will be pampered and treated and she feels emotionally secure.  They are often younger women after a series of dating bad boys.  However, many are grown adults too.  The short term is fine in this dynamic because he is everything she expected.  Nevertheless, in the nature of a woman’s mind, and unless settling down, marriage and having children are her absolute number one priority, the great things he does for her over time become the expected rather than the excitement and the unpredictable.

Success rate:  2/10

As previously stated, the man’s only chance in this scenario is to hope she does genuinely and honestly view him as the type of male she needs for a future.  Even with this view, a bond with a lack of chemistry and challenge will always have vulnerabilities, and if she is better looking than him it will not be long before she seeks out pastures new.  Even if logic would suggest this deliverable would reap the most success and happiness for both parties, the reality is this process is the worst of all for a man to bring to the table.  It epitomizes the maximum effort for minimum reward syndrome – something every man should ensure to avoid with women.


Bad to Bad

A situation where a woman seeks out a man who is edgy, mysterious, popular, and with a womanizing reputation, is typical in young, attention-seeking and insecure females.   Again, this isn’t only isolated to this criteria, but women do tend to gradually move away from this hunting strategy as they get older, even if the urge never actually leaves them.  Simply put, they rationalize in their choices of a future partner as they get older, because it is much harder to a more valuable commodity to settle down.

When a man commences in moonlighting within his “bad ways” and consequently carries on in this manner, he is basically investing little to gain a lot.  It is a no strings attached attitude on his part even if she believes she can be the coveted girlfriend.  This is what attracts her towards him.  It’s a perfect scenario for men who are in a phase of their life when they only want to increase their sexual belt notches and are confident they will not become emotionally involved.  You would think a reputation like this would deter women, but in the beauty of the illogical attraction world this couldn’t be further from the truth.  The more a man acts in this way, the more honeys are attracted to the bee.

Success rate: 10/10 short term, 4/10 longer term.

For the short term, hence a summer holiday season, this strategy is nothing short of magical.  What guy wouldn’t desire numbers of attractive women magnetized towards him with very little time, effort or money required on his part?  However, this isn’t really a longer term solution.  Eventually he will meet someone who grabs his heart and someone who will not stand for his extreme bad boy antics, and if these accustomed traits have been his only weapon in life, he will struggle to adapt.  Older women with children will also be resistant to this kind of process, as despite obvious compulsions, the risk will outweigh the reward.


Bad to Nice

Unusual, but far from uncommon, this predicament involves a women’s initial attraction towards a man being through her perception of his ‘bad boy’ ways, but it then takes a twist she never saw coming.

 It is rare for woman to never have a time in her life when she hasn’t been attracted to the popular bad boy of the town. Sure, she has seen other attractive girls come and go but there is still something unanswerable in her mind that draws her towards his arms.  She tries to resist her visceral feelings but the chemistry is too strong.  She likes him for his natural confidence, charisma and challenge of being an alpha male that captures her heart.

Something strange then occurs in this time frame.  She is the first woman who has grabbed him by the gut, on physical, mental and emotional fronts, and his heart races like it has never done before.  Remember her attraction towards him was a combination of his edginess, his challenge to her, his carefree and independent attitude, and her desire to be the chosen one over those who failed before her.  The theory is that women do not want a nice guy, but in fact a bad boy to become nicer - so this surely is a recipe for success right.  Well, if he becomes a little nicer and adjusts in increments, then this is absolutely the case. However, many guys in this bubble get carried away in the feelings, and they act beta in always needing to see her, relinquish too much emotional power, and they succeed in only becoming supplicated.  He performs a 180 degree turn in a matter of weeks, and she jettisons from the relationship.

Success rate: 9/10 to 6/10.

A man’s success rate is down to how he modifies his changing emotions.  If he remains in alpha dominated fashion, but throws in the occasional beta move, then success is his.  If he turns into a beta habited former alpha male then all he achieves in doing is to join the pack of unoriginal men that these women dismiss.  Consequently, she moves on and forgets the bad boy who she was once infatuated with.


Nice to Bad

It is a wide belief a woman’s ideal man is a bad boy who can become nicer once in her possession.  However, very few women intentionally go out of their way to capture a notorious bad boy.  They subsequently do this because of their conscious knowledge of the lack of infatuation and chemistry with all those beta males chasing after her. So she chases someone who doesn’t chase her, as this is the way the world of sexual attraction works.

Nevertheless, there will always be a time when a woman consciously makes a decision to date a nice guy, as she will believe it will work despite the shortage of instinctive attraction she has towards him. The main reason it does not work is because this beta male continues in the same way she found him - acting beta orientated.  He becomes even less of a challenge, she starts to be irritated by his over loving yet desperate and possessive ways, and whilst he is looking for engagement rings, in the same moment she is writing a goodbye text.

Now, what happens if this perceived nice guy is in fact not so unchallenging, agreeable and as much of a ‘lap dog’ as she first thought?  What if he stands up to her when required, he keeps his own life and interests going, and he doesn’t make her a total priority to his existence?  In the same breath, he still maintains the fundamental, genuine and honest characteristics she knew and liked all along.  A woman’s mind and emotions need to be analyzed like someone who works their muscles.  They must always avoid the plateau - they must always keep it guessing to gain improvements.  If a woman knows she is with a good guy, but equally she is aware she cannot take his time, persona or good will for granted, she has the best of both worlds. There is the refrained boredom of a constant nice guy without the draining long term fatigue that the bad boy gives her.  The balance is finally struck.

Success rate: 9/10.

If a man can find this blend then it is rare he can fail.  Almost every woman wants a good and genuine guy - it is just that if she perceives him to be an easy ride she will take him to the cleaners in her expectation brain.  If he starts as the great person she believes he is, but he shows her his strength of inner mind, a long term in this process is there for all parties.



There was a recent meeting I was involved in where the director of the company was present.  He mentioned the fact that he always takes preference to a manager who is a nice guy and mediocre at his job, in favour of an arrogant person who is efficient in his duties.  I took his point on board, and I see where he is coming from in this context.  In the long run, there will be reaped rewards from a team striving in his direction as they go the extra yard in return of his accommodating approach.  With a despicable personality, the team is more likely to have their own agendas and not work as hard to achieve the necessary results.

It was no coincidence that the room was full of male colleagues in the meeting mentioned.  These men, and men in general, would take on board these words from a higher status man and form the belief that this is the strategy to proceed with in order to acquire the most success in all walks of life.  The problem with this fallacy is that it rarely applies with the way women view a man who is too pleasant and accommodating within the relationship they share.  Women need a level of drama, intensity, unpredictability and edginess from man to avoid falling into the mundane trench of life.  Women may say all they need is peace and happiness within their relationship, but for every one who has spoken these words is a female who had withdrawn from the partnership with a man dressed in a beta uniform.


Nobody feels more sympathy for all these nice guys out there than I do.  All they ever wanted is to be happy, and even more decisive to them, all they craved for was for their girlfriends to have a smile on their faces.  Maybe there falls the point – a guy set in this mentality is too busy trying to make her happy before being happy himself.  

Somebody once told me that people who strive to make others happy over their own intentions, and people who care too much, only end up being unhappy. This person telling me these words was my Mother, words spoken on the day I had to have the lymph node removed to enable the biopsy to confirm the severity of my cancer level.  I remember thinking at the time that I had wasted so much time, energy and expenditure with work colleagues, past girlfriends and some friends, only to be basically thought of in no more favourable terms.  It is not so much the case to be a completely selfish, arrogant and inconsiderate person, as much as prioritizing your own happiness before others.  Happiness is contagious, and most people will be attracted and radiated to a person with pride and comfort in their own skin.  Reaching this happy demeanour is not so facilitating, and usually someone must accept their historic deficiencies and weaknesses before they can see the light to a brighter day.  Maybe you need to know where you have been, before you know where you are going.     

Saturday, 23 August 2014

Susceptible swimmers for contrived female pregnancies

“Never think you are the smartest person out there, as you can always learn something from even the least educated and least intelligent person in life.”


This blog has referenced on more than one occasion that the female plan of life is not immune from taking it even beyond mind games, strange life decisions and male mate choices.  In the case of this post, I feel the need to highlight how some women can manipulate a situation based on a hidden agenda that jumps over any bar previously placed in their peripheral vision.  Let it be said that a percentage of women out there are more than capable of planning a pregnancy that was not based on fundamental mutual consent with the respective male sexual partner.  The percentage of women who take this cunning route, whilst admittedly (and god willing, hopefully) is a minority, will be far greater than most people choose to accept.

My cynicism towards this subject goes back many a year.  My best friend, almost by his own admission still today, fell victim to this all so common circumstance.  I could list up to a dozen other friends who, I believe, also tripped over the same hurdle in this respect.  Was there a common dominator in each case?  Well, in each situation it was more than a coincidence in the timing of when their relevant girlfriend became pregnant.  It all just seemed too convenient with regards to where the woman’s life situation stood at that particular time.  Simply put, they all saw the pregnancy through, so if every time it had been one huge conceiving misfortune then surely at least one of the women would have had a termination.    

I’m no expert in contraception, birth control, medicine or pregnancy likelihoods, but what I do know is that, if a woman is regularly consuming the contraceptive pill, the chance of becoming pregnant through sexual intercourse is extremely low.  As a person who prefers to analyze what occurs in real life over the words I hear or any given survey and statistics brought about by candidate egos and economy of the truth, I look at what I see from the pasts of women who perhaps plan pregnancies.  What I see is women who, I can only assume, took this exact same pill for all the years previous to getting pregnant, yet never conceived with loser jerks or unchallenging nice guys men they didn’t quite see a future with.  Yet when they met the right guy, or at least a man they thought could offer them the best future, ironically that little swimmer he produces finds its way in.

I always remember hearing a conversation in the office between a male and female colleague that touched on this subject in a finer way.  They were both around 21, and the male University graduate was boasting (in the structure of how only newly crowned degree graduates seem to do) that the day he has a child will be on his terms and only when his career caters for this “nuisance”.  The girl, who was not the prettiest apple on the tree but who always appeared honest and genuine in her impulsive way, responded by stating that: “if a woman wants to get pregnant, she sure will get pregnant.”  Maybe, in this instance, she was a bit too honest for her own good.  Many women know this, but they sure don’t like the cat being let out of the bag.  Some men, on the other hand, are probably aware certain women are capable of this deliverable, but they choose to live in denial that she could truly go through with it.

Here are the types of hungry sperm hunters that leave men at their most vulnerable:


Homely girls

Homely girls are usually good, loyal and faithful girlfriends, and they are more than happy with the thought of only one man being integral in their life.  They are not too, in relativity to other women, in need of external attention and social proof validation, and this mentality allows her to devote love, time and affection onto her current boyfriend.

The danger with homely girls comes in the form of requirements to feel wanted and valued, combined with the low confidence, low ambition and a lack of independence they possess.  With some women in this compartment, a boyfriend is the be all and end all to their existence.  The sheer thought of losing him brings her to despair and not being able to contemplate a life alone.  With all this in mind, trapping him into fatherhood can be the simplest solution.


Attention seeker

Some attention seekers could have traits that belong to homely girls, but from my experience the largest proportion do not sit in this category because they require projected eyes and ears onto them that stretch far greater than only a boyfriend.  We all know attention seekers – women who need people around them constantly, inundated social network comments on their profile, and to be part of a popular group.  As far as a female attention seeker is concerned, there is no world that exists outside of her bubble.

But similar to physical beauty, the attention gage onto most women declines as every year passes post 21 years of age.  Beware of this female delegate between the two year age span of 22 to 23.  When a girl is accustomed to attention, and it is no longer received in consumptions like it once was, this woman resorts to other means of showing the planet how important she is.  How will she set herself apart from all her friends?  How can she verify being wanted by someone?  What is the easiest way to produce something that is a replica of her?  You got it – to have a little sprog.   


Bad boy chaser

Often found at teenage to early 20s age bracket and from lower class social backgrounds, a woman who consistently ends up with jerks (even though the western world has over 6 nice guys for every 1 jerk) has very little going for her.  Low in intelligence, confidence, self-esteem, potential, ambition and prospects, it really matters little how much like crap a man treats her.  In fact, her inner need for drama to spice up an otherwise boring world manifests to seek for these low-life men.

Women of this nature don’t consciously look to get pregnant because of opportunism, hypergamous thoughts or future strategies, because they have never been involved with men of high earning calibre.  Many of these men would be too mundane for her anyway.  The occasional exception could be if she is extremely hot (think of a WAG going to a nightclub to hunt down a sports or pop star), but by and large the mindset of pregnancy simply opens up routes to a perceived better life.  The best case for her is that the father of the child will stick around, become a little more responsible, and they all live happily ever after.  The far more likely event is for single parentage, but attaining the top of the list council house applicant accolade.


Gold-digger

Touched on above in terms of women who locate the richest and highest status men, a gold-digger is the perennial woman who places money and assets above any other requirement in male desirability.  A tier down from famous men are rich businessmen or entrepreneurs, and hunt them down these women shall do.

Gold-diggers almost always need to be at the highest extreme of female hotness, because even the most clueless of men must know that the dynamics of the sexual market work this way.  A woman offers her beauty, and in exchange a man returns with his money, power, status and provisioning capabilities.  So when a woman finally accomplishes her lifetime objective – to secure a wealthy boyfriend – the natural progression is to get a bun in the oven and a ring on her finger in order for him to contribute for the rest of father time.


“Time running out” girl

Pronounced in women encroaching their 30th birthday, but sometimes even in their mid to late 30s too, women who are conscious of the body clock ticking can leave innocent men in the firing line of joining the group of daddies.  Although modern women are settling down and choosing motherhood later in life, there aren’t many women who can stand by the “what will be will be” attitude in letting life take its natural course of events.  Women are not prone to think like this and allowing fate to take control.  They are much more comfortable in taking their own actions if it means benefitting in such a way.

In addition to this, not many women in percentage terms like the thought of never becoming a mother.  It leaves a bitter taste in the mouth, especially as they see each friend popping one out like a row of dominoes falling over one by one in quick succession.  Women in this section were often “girl’s girls – happy in their 20s to live the good times, concentrate on professions and expect a high quality man to naturally fall on the back of all this.  But life doesn’t always work this way, especially if a woman isn’t a stand out cake in the box, and even if she once was there is still the nagging inevitability of her 30 year old self competing with younger and hotter women for the attentions of these men.

It’s during these more desperate moments that high self-opinionated women drop their standards, and they will give a man a go who they once wouldn’t have noticed if he streaked along Wall Street.  Some of these men, by the law of averages, will be similar age or older than the woman who sees time running out.  Many of these men will not desire children in their lives, and they may well have told the woman about this fact.  Some women will live with integrity and move on to a man who does want to be a father.  Make no mistake though, some women will leave him with the only choice of sticking around or paying child custody.


The “fed up at work” woman

I’ve left this group to the end, because in my view it is the most common reason for a woman to contrive a pregnancy without the consent of her unofficial sperm donor.  Women in this group could all have a little or a lot of influence from any of the above mentioned, but let it be said that women see a maternity break (or never going back to work at all) as an opportunity to halt the current low stimulation that work brings.  Yes, it is most likely amalgamated with other emotions too, but beware of the woman looking uninspired at your workplace.

What age can you expect women to be when they first make visions of nappies replacing databases?  Well, it can be as early as late teens to as late as early 40s, but the mean age would be around 28 to 29.  Do you sense any symmetry with the time running out girl?  You should do. 

And the lion’s share of these women will be married or in steady relationships, therefore you only hope that if they do form that bulge in the tummy, the relevant man in her bond was part of this grand plan.  Why did he marry her in the first place if he wasn’t?


I very much doubt there are many men out there who do prefer the feeling of wearing a condom in comparison to diving in the pool without a cap.   Although I have found the odd brand that clearly gives me greater orgasms than other suppliers, I’m yet to enjoy it more with one on than without.  And this isn’t even going into the other drawbacks condoms bring, for both sexes alike.  With this consideration, and when you have been dating a woman for more than a couple months, the natural progression and mutual agreement is for her to take birth control measures in the form of the contraceptive pill.       

To date, and to my knowledge, I have got away with it in relation to all the women I trusted to take on this responsibility.  A large part of this is because the majority of my girlfriends have been girl’s girls - aged 18 to 27 - who were not even close to the stage of broody times.  At least, this was the impression I ascertained.  With anyone I know from the start who will be nothing more than a short term relinquishment at best, I always wrap up well.

But other men, like the friends I reference, have not been so lucky or smart.  Whether they signed up for it or not, and my hunch tells me that nearly every one of them did not, they were left with a path of life that wasn’t their conscious and talked about option at the time.  Sometimes events of this kind act as destiny, and a person requires a nudge in guiding them to the world that offers greatness.  But as my best friend said to me a week after the unplanned pregnancy:
“It would just have been nice to invite her in on my terms.”         


Wednesday, 20 August 2014

Sisters are doing it for themselves

“To be a good liar, you need to have a great memory.”
                 

Take a typical Saturday night out in a reasonably populated sized town or city.  Depending on the actual destination, there will be approximately 10% of women who have made themselves look glamorous to attain a subjective physical attractiveness rating between 7.5/10 to 9/10.  Most of these women will sit at the lower end of this scale, and hardly any will be 9ers.  I cannot even remember the last time I saw a 9/10 looks rated women, in my opinion, who was in my line of sight.  for any woman who does hit 8/10 or greater, men out there will basically label these eye catching females as the “hot girls”.  In relative comparable terms, the percentage of men in this bracket will be less than a third of the female statistic.

Within this typical night out, observations of the interaction of everyone who is out can be fascinating.  However, being the way my mind inclines to act, and I would expect many other people process in a similar way, the majority of my study is usually taken up by the way the segment of physically attractive women are behaving.  Although many of them will have an average looking boyfriend, or they have been involved with mediocre looking men or previous partners, on a night out of this kind these visually indifferent males will not strike the eyes of women for a single second.  If an average looking man knows a physically attractive woman within a network, or if he has a significant amount of personality, charisma or interaction strategy, he can bridge the gap to an extent.  But generally women will not engage in an intimate way with these guys. 

Women’s reactions to the good looking men - who often, but not always, come across in a more alpha orientated and confident manner - are more complex and intriguing.  They will often glance at a man of high visual impressiveness and place themselves in his vicinity, and their emotions can range from total admiration to hostility and jealousy of a man taking attention away from them.  Some of the beautiful women will interact socially and friendly with him if he approaches her, as she perceives this to be a ramp up in the status of her value because he makes a conscious decision to talk to her over female competitors.  On the other extreme, some will blatantly ignore and reject his advances, even if they did in fact stare or smile at him.  This process can often confuse a man, as the obvious thought to have is one of believing she is interested in him.  Therefore, why would she then dismiss him?  She could be genuinely attracted to him, but as she already has a boyfriend she doesn’t desire to test the susceptibility of her temptations.  However, there is another reason, especially if she is single, that most men do not understand.  She actually did want him to approach her, but she had consciously made up her mind beforehand that if he did, she wouldn’t interact.  This gives her a two-fold benefit within her mind.  Not only does she believe this publically increases her status and value - as an attractive guy looks like he is trying to chat her up - but it convinces her that she attains higher value than him as she doesn’t feel the necessity to talk to him.  It’s a vain and insincere act, but it is far from uncommon, and it is typical of a good looking woman who is attracted to handsome men but who lives in the knowledge she could never be comfortable in herself if she dated one.

So if these women are not interested in lesser looking men, yet they turn down many of the more attractive males, what are their primary motives?  It involves two reasons:
  • A night out offers the opportunity to maximize her physical attractiveness for a period of a few hours.  Imagine if she works in a uniform working role that limits her exploitation of beauty.  She has worked hard all week and she finally deserves to show off her potential to the world and herself.  Fundamentally, it is a window of opportunity of approximately six hours where she can feel better about herself.  This makes it a much more interesting place for all the men out there.
  • Her primary objective of the night is to acquire as much attention, from men and women, as possible.  Sure, she may harbour ambitions of finding a man of her dreams on this one night, but as past experience has taught her, these types of events consist of inundated beta males she isn’t attracted to, alongside the better looking jerks with attitudes she doesn’t like.  Consequently, she brings it back to herself, with thoughts of raising her perceived value and status, her unofficial and unsubstantiated belief she is more attractive and desirable than her female peers, and generally to feel high inner value.  There is absolutely nothing critically wrong or artificial about all this.  It’s just that we all wake up in the morning.

     
I had a recent conversation with a friend about programmes like “The Bachelor”- the theme being that approximately twenty beautiful looking (not all of them in my opinion) women attempt to be the one that the single man chooses.  The “Bachelor” himself is usually a young, handsome celebrity, although there has been one series where he didn’t have fame, but he owned a successful company – hence extreme high status.  My friend, understandably, believed the whole programme is based around the women impressing the man, proving her worth to him, and creating a future bond, love and happiness for the two of them to share.  Basically, he was seeing it through eyes of her being infatuated by him, and her participation being motivated by her admiration of him.  My friend’s opinion would be accurate to an extent, as she probably wouldn’t participate if she was repulsed by him.  However, my friend misses the fundamental reason.  Of all the women taking part in programmes of this nature, they are primarily attempting to raise their own profile, become famous, and create a career on the back of it.  If you ever need to know the main reason a beautiful Hollywood actress dates an older and grotesque film producer or director, then look no further.  If a male Prime Minister or President of a country was the “Bachelor” on this programme, he would have no shortage of female candidates lining up.  She may be disgusted to see his naked body, and she would clearly never love him in true visceral terms, but it would be an easy compromise and sacrifice for the status and life she gains in return. 

Of all value metrics that women analyze in a man – physical attractiveness, personality, charisma, wealth, social status, power, emotional security, ability to be a good father, reliability and intelligence – none of these come close to the male appeal towards most women than fame.  Extreme fame would be a high profile male celebrity, whilst local fame could be the DJ or promoter in a busy and popular nightclub.  The reason is two-fold: 

  • First, these positions attract the attention of other women around him – other women notice this occurrence, they automatically validate him due to female predilections and approval, and they feel a subconscious need to sign up for the competition in being the one he chooses.  He is pre-selected by other women, and they secretly are drawn in by this.
  • Second, a popular man with other women elevates her own perceived value if she was to be his girlfriend, along with her perception of how external sources will now view her.


All this leads to the fact that highly physically attractive women will happily enter a long-term relationship was a man as physically attractive as her if he possesses fame, high status, and an avenue for her to raise her own character repertoire at the same time.  Where as a good looking man, who isn’t famous or rich, actually diminishes her perception of self-power and value - unless she is a rare woman who sees him as a “trophy guy” - a comparative looking guy with the celebrity fame commodities increases it for her.  The circumstance alone is enough for her to remove the vulnerable thoughts of him cheating on her, or her not feeling higher value when with him.  This scenario elevates her ego.  It all delivers back to attention.  The handsome man lacking in any fame takes attention away from her.

Whether they admit to it or not, one of the main reasons a physically attractive woman would choose to be in a relationship with an average looking or ugly looking man is due to her belief he would value and treat her better than the good looking male option.  This may be true in some cases, but I would always challenge on this basis: a good looking man can value his beautiful girlfriend every bit as much, or more, than an average looking man, it’s only that he isn’t as concerned to lose her because of his confidence in other future options.  There is a distinct difference.  If a woman has the choice between an average looking man who has one opportunity to cheat on her, or a handsome man who has ten opportunities to cheat on her, she would naturally choose the former.  The counter-argument to this is: wouldn’t the average looking guy be more likely to cheat, as his knowledge is that he wouldn’t have this kind of opportunity again?  The good looking man, whilst with more opportunities, doesn’t see any of them as anything he hasn’t seen before.  He values what he has and refrains from the limited temptations.


As a final thought, I actually had a brief conversation with a single, good looking man some years ago.  I thought I’d test the water, so I asked him why he was in fact single.  In an arrogant, yet unsurprising way, he justified it as he preferred the playboy lifestyle.  Now I only go out in my home city approximately one Saturday night in every six weeks, and without fail he is always out.  This could be a pure coincidence, but my better knowledge tells me he is out every weekend with his male mates.  So he thinks he’s a playboy yet he spends every Saturday night without a woman and hopping into a taxi on his own in the early hours of the morning.  Forgive me for thinking this, but the words and actions do not marry up.  I’ll leave it to anyone else to make their own conclusions.  As my mother once told me: “to be a good liar, you need to have a great memory”.   

Sunday, 17 August 2014

The best thing about being a handsome man

“Contextual analysis has many rewards. 
Perhaps the greatest benefit is never quite belonging to an infatuated nature.”


When someone is a good looking man – and to maintain credibility on this subject I mean the top 1% (in truth it is the top <0.1%, but for the sake of this post I’ll round up) of visually blessed men - he needs to know the world will look upon him that little bit differently.  This isn’t just in the eyes of women.  Whether it is in the workplace or social fields, a man of high end male aesthetic impressiveness will move emotions in people that the other 99% of men simply do not.    

It took me a long time to comprehend why certain members of society appeared to look much differently at me when I walked past their steps.  You can be forgiven for thinking they possibly look at many men in the same way, but then you assess a little further against how people act with innumerable other males out there.  It all seems a little different. 

But the stares are not the big giveaway, as this comes in the form of how people interact with you.  It could be an older woman who is kind of looking a touch in awe.  It is sometimes a senior manager or director at work – who has far greater occupational status than you, but in direct interface he seems somewhat awkward in his body language.  And then there are of course the younger women.  Some of them act in an almost embarrassed fashion that you are even talking to them, but there are also others who simply cannot cope with the thought of a man, god forbid, looking better than them and capturing the eyes of public viewers.  A woman is not well equipped in coping with another female of advanced hotness, so for a man to do it in relative terms disrupts her whole demeanour even more in a negative manner. 

I think, and although aware of this pronounced differential years before, that the pieces to the jigsaw seemed to join up after recovering from cancer in 2012.  The reason I say this is because during the treatment period of 9 months, eyes were no longer on me.  I wouldn’t say I went from being handsome to ugly, but the weight loss, hair depletion and basic frail, pale and weak frame placed me in the compartment of average looking men.  It was by no means a great feeling to lose this once accustomed luxury, but obviously I had far bigger fish to fry at the time.

I even surprised myself once in remission.  Although I lost a bit of muscle bulk, my body profile became far leaner and mean, and this is a harder definition for regular men to attain.  My teeth didn’t go dirty – as I had read this was a side-effect of chemotherapy sessions – and my hair grew back to its original colour and texture.  My skin seemed fresh, and my eyes were not a baggy and dark showing from the tiresome aftermath of various drugs and steroids dripped into my system.  For whatever reason, my jaw-line became more chiseled.  If I was to judge myself in an honest and unbiased way, I looked every bit as admirable in overall physical attractiveness as ever.  People were glancing in my direction as much, if not more, than before.  All in all, this stage in my life allowed a first-hand direct comparison between what it is like to be an average looking man and a good looking man.

During these reflective moments, both during and after my ordeal, I would analyze how different it is to be that very good looking man in terms of how he moves along in life.  This blog will cover various points on the topic, but I choose this post to highlight just one aspect.  In my opinion, the biggest advantage of being a male from proclaimed top end looks is the lack of infatuation with female beauty that is such a tell tale sign of a man who knows believes she is too good for him.  Simply put, good looking men are not stunned by hot and cute women in the same way lesser looking men look on with their tongues hanging out and eyes glued to the overrated vision.

But is this indifferent attitude a product of positive or negative projection from the respective women involved?  Two schools of thought can be taken:

  • The down side to this reduced admiration is due the female requirement to be valued, appreciated and feel good inside.  Basically, this is the ego telling her mind that a man who is always there for her is what she most desires.  Deep down, women know that, generally speaking, a man who is less physically attractive than her will go the extra yard to please her in respect to where a man of equal or greater looks than her will not.  When all is said and done, this is a female insecurity trait, but pressures to look good in the modern day has evolved some level of justification for them to be constantly informed that they look good.  Naturally, a man who has less pride in his own look will promote his girlfriend or wife more than a man who sees a proud specimen staring at him in the mirror.  I always say that a good looking man should value and appreciate his female partner every bit as much as a lesser looking man.  The difference is, because of options in the sexual marketplace, he is not as afraid to lose her.
  • The upside to not being infatuated by a woman’s beauty is that women are tuned towards thriving on a challenge to win a man over.  When he is a man with indifferent or apathetic emotions that shine in her direction, the female innate mentality is to fight that bit harder to show him what he is missing.  Women, deny it as they always do, don’t want a man to show his love too soon, too blatantly and too excessively.  Most guys do give and offer too much because they try and make up for the shortage of sexual attraction she feels with them.  To compensate for the shortage of visceral chemistry, a man’s default mechanism is to shower her with tokens of gestures, compliments and appreciative deliverables.  This goes against the fundamental female wish to struggle, battle and conquer the love that he could have given to someone else.  This shows her how high value he must be to not live in a world where she is the only thing going on.  A good looking man’s natural way of thinking in this way, in theory, acts as a free passage for a woman’s optimum attraction onto him.

So if there are two angles to decide upon, which one wins?  The easy answer is neither, but if only one extreme should be taken then it is always the Vi Nay rule of: maximum rewards by the way of minimum effort.  A woman may not always venture on with a man who implies she isn’t worthy, but you can lay your hat on the assurance that she will take an infatuated man for granted after the ego massaged novelty wears off.  If there are two journeys that lead someone to the same destination, it would take a fool to choose the longest route that consumes the most gas.

Placing physical looks aside for a moment, my general take is to evaluate both the woman you are interacting with – whether hitting on or in a relationship with - and your own physical attractiveness grade.  The bigger the gap between the man and woman (where she is more visually blessed), the less admiring he should be.  In this case, she believes she has him in the palm of her hands from the word go, so the lesser looking man needs to shock her system by not showing her his admiration levels.  The only exception to this could be if he is clued up to female emotional psychology, and by securing a date due to her need to feel good about life, he should subsequently tale off with a less motivated hunger to be with her.  Not many men are this astute. 

The smaller the gap in physical beauty, even to the point where the man is as, or more, physically attractive than the respective woman in relative gender terms, the more prudent it is for him to show a degree of interest and promotion of her glamour.  However, tread very carefully here.  Although women need verification that a good looking man will not go running once he smells the scent of a hotter girl, they equally never want to know he will forever be there for her no matter how badly she acts.  Many good looking men make this mistake, as because they are rejected by so many women due to female ego, insecurity, confidence and trust issues, they go too far with clinginess when they track down one who will be happy to be labeled his girlfriend.  If you’ve ever been that good looking guy who got dumped by a girlfriend in place of a lesser looking (but less caring) jerk, you’ll know exactly what I mean.


Q-tip:
The top 1% of good looking men are usually rejected by women for the exact opposite reasons in respect to how the majority of men are turned down.  The lion’s share of the male population are not physically attractive enough for women to feel like they want to jump into the sack with them.  As women get older, they are no more aroused by these same men, but they will rationalize in replacement of other things these men can offer, in addition to the decreased choices they have with men due to not looking as good as they once did.  But the best looking men who are rejected by women are usually men who do sexually stimulate them.  They are turned down because the woman couldn’t feel valuable enough in herself is she was to be with him.  If this wasn’t the case, why did she look at him on various occasions in the first place?

Tuesday, 12 August 2014

Your rejection, their rejection: it’s more than a coincidence

“You can spend a lifetime waiting for someone to love you back.
Maybe you just forgot they never could.”
                 

How illogical and sometimes twisted the world can seem in our day to day interactions.  Those who have desires of a low profile life or to be left alone are often hassled and chased, yet those who crave attention are left searching and chasing others to offer them some.  It’s not until you dive deep, far below the surface of logic, do you find reasons for this being the case.  Men should then dig even deeper and recollect the times they were successful with women, whether it was in the first encounter or within the relationship itself.  They would profit to analyze how they acted, whether consciously or subconsciously, to bring results of women pursuing them.  They would then do well to contrast this with their failures, and to scrutinize the detail of their executions, decisions and the general way they acted with women.  It isn’t until a man acknowledges a pattern can he start to understand that the successes and failures were not just sheer coincidental, and in fact they were a consequence of the manner in how he carried out the actions with these particular females.

When a man or a woman has their emotional advances rejected, they have to accept this is part of life.  Many women will go through their whole life having never been emotionally rejected, and they will be falsely proud of this statistic.  There is one problem with this so called accolade.  A woman with this claim will have never put herself out there in order to gain rewards, because she holds great need to protect her ego, pride, perceived reputation and value of her existence.  It’s like someone boasting about never having lost a bet on the horses, only for people to later find out they have never placed a bet in their life.

Some men also fear rejection, although the numbers are not even close to their female counterparts when it comes to refraining from cold approaching the opposite sex.  In these cases, they have adopted a similar mindset of that explained in how women view rejection, or past experiences have made them so nervous and apprehensive of the next approach to the point where these men were not prepared or willing to go through it again.  In this situation, a man has made two cardinal errors:
  • First, he has over emphasized the seriousness of rejection consequence as an implication, as he placed too much thought process into the dependence of the outcome rather than the enjoyment of the interaction. 
  • Second, he has formed a belief that a woman will simply find him in the natural course of life.  Again, one huge problem with this vain hope - women rarely approach or proactively engage with men.

If a man rejects a woman’s propositions, he will usually believe he can do better in physical terms.  There may be other reasons, but this is more often the reason behind his inflicting of rejection.  On the other side of the dynamic, when a man is rejected by a woman, at first he can think it is just the way life works.  His logical thought is that she is too good for him.  When we talk about being “too good”, it is usually interpreted by a man that she is too physically attractive for him and that she prefers more handsome men.  However, there can be other reasons too. 

Take two women in comparison - Annabel and Beth.  Annabel is a blonde, short, curvaceous woman with large breasts.  Beth is a brunette, tall, thin, and possesses small breasts and long toned legs.  A hundred men are asked for their preference and it is a complete split of opinion.  With this in mind, it is fair to conclude they both have the same physical attractiveness rating despite looking different from one another.  On a singles dating night, one of these men who takes preference to Beth, starts talking to Annabel.  He has been informed she is interested in him, but whilst appreciating her beauty, she simply isn’t his type.  However, due to his relaxed approach because of his indifferent feelings towards her, combined with his knowledge of her being attracted to him, he acts in a confident, genuine, easy going and reserved manner.  This attracts her to him even more, and she departs by placing her hotel room number in his pocket. 

In a high state of confidence, this man then approaches Beth.  Whilst she is receptive to his approach, he immediately picks up on her distant intimacy in contrast to Annabel.  Nevertheless, as Beth is his ideal look in a woman, he continues with his conversation.  As he talks he extremes between asking her sequential questions - to which her responses are short - and he pursues in telling her too much about himself, his accomplishments and his life story.  Basically, he comes across as too desperate, irrespective of the extreme he defaults into.  Beth thanks him for the drink, but she moves on to a more disinterested looking man standing five metres away.

My longest relationship, and most successful relationship in terms of a woman idolizing me, came after three relationships that left me broken hearted during the two years prior to meeting her.  In full truth and honesty, I chose to play safe after those recent heartaches as it was clear this girl had high emotions for me from day one.  In retrospect, it wasn’t the best decision I’ve ever made, but I can fully understand my reasons at the time.  I wanted to be in control of my heart, irrespective of the consequences or likely ending, and with her I always attained that reassurance.  Out of the four years I was with her, for three of the years I tried to convince myself that one day I would just wake up and I’d be infatuated by her.  Life just doesn’t work this way.  From this experience alone, this is why I understand the motives for physically attractive women calling upon average looking men for a safety option.  My scepticism towards this method is that most of them often will wake up with the same feeling as I had - this being one of knowing there is something missing from the way you should truly feel about the person you love.

So why was it so successful from the perspective of her perceiving me as someone she couldn’t live without?  It wasn’t that she was unattractive.  From all my past female intimacies, she would just about fall in the top half in physical attractiveness terms.  Some of my friends made jokes about how much they would like to “nail” her and that I was so lucky to have an attractive girlfriend.  Simply put, because she wasn’t someone who grabbed me by the gut, in result I wasn’t frightened to lose her.  As I wasn’t frightened to lose her, I acted more alpha orientated, selfish, carefree and independent.  Due to acting this way, despite her protestations of me sometimes acting like I didn’t care, she really enjoyed the challenge of not having me in her pocket.  This knowledge maintained and increased her interest, and she was forever chasing and idolizing me.  Ultimately, and whilst never spoken about, she would have perceived me to have a higher sexual market value than her.  She did infrequently say that I could do better than her in visual terms.

It is only fair to balance out this against many of my failures, both in interactions and relationships.  The trouble starts at the beginning of the thought process chain.  Most men, despite knowledge they can have sex with many women they lack emotion towards, are aware there is a shortage of quality and high calibre women in their social or working networks.  They will also meet many women who give them great conversation, but they are not exactly people they desire to rush to bed with.  Basically, similar to how women view the pros and cons of beta males and bad boys, men know that only a few females they meet in their life will tick both boxes.  So when they do meet one out of the blue, they can get excited beyond productivity. 

Even an alpha dominated man can lose all these qualities in this scenario and commence in delivering beta mannerisms.  A woman’s early attraction of him was one of knowing he is a unique man, someone who other women would want to be with, and someone who has his own life going on.  The problem is due to his compulsions to see her and to show her she is with the right man, he goes over the attraction threshold, he refrains from using the corrective interaction strategy, and he acts too unchallenging and supplicated.  All this achieves in doing is allowing her to realize he likes her more than she likes him, she believes the centre of his life revolves around her (placing too much pressure on her), and she finds him a little too desperate despite his good intentions.  All her attraction and interest is lost, irrespective to his good looks, great personality and striking charisma.  It has all been lost in a flash of her vision, and most men are none the wiser to why she was no longer interested.

There is one saving grace to all the past mistakes, even when a man does once again meet the theoretical ideal woman.  All my past errors came when I wasn’t knowledgeable of female emotional psychology and the way a woman’s mind works in these situations.  Like most men, it is easy to fall into the trap of previously trusting in instincts and the logics.  When a woman has options at her sexual market value peak, the methods a man uses can be unforgiving.  Does more effort equal more gratitude?  Is it the more amiable you are, the more she will like you?  Will the more time you give her, the longer she will want to see you?  Then you trace your memory back to all your past relationships, assess the successes and failures, analyze how you acted in each case, and face up to the conclusions in a truthful  and objective way.  Only then can a man concede that reality cannot be hidden from, and reality is formed from none of the mentioned questions.


It is my firm belief that when a man meets someone who he connects physically and mentally with, he starts to think of the end rather than the beginning.  It is a classic case of focusing too heavily on the outcome dependence.  I’ve been that guy.  Instead of just enjoying the present, many men focus beyond and into the long term, contemplating what they can do to keep her happy.  Most women actually do not need as much as men perceive or believe they do, and if she is high maintenance beyond his means, a man must ask himself the question to whether she is really worth it.  So take away the thought of losing her, continue to act genuine and the man you are, maintain your own life, and believe that if the worse came to the worse, another beautiful woman will always come along.  Even if she doesn’t, life is still great alone, and far more rewarding than being with someone you can never please.

Saturday, 9 August 2014

3 years of happiness, a lifetime to re-build

“Trust is too easily given to the one we should never trust.  This trust should be earned and not passed over for free.  Strangely, our evaluation to the consequences is taken as an oversight.”


I’ve recently got back in touch with a good friend of mine who is going through a hard time in life.  We lost touch over the last couple of years, but as little as half a dozen years ago I classed him as one of my best mates.  We were pretty similar in many metrics, and whilst he happily conceded that I was a better looking guy, I looked up to his natural confidence and uncompromising attitude with women back then.  He never seemed to be in a position where he chased them, and I’ve seen pleasurable sights of some ex-girlfriends on his mobile phone that proved how smitten they were to his charm.  He wasn’t blessed with god given looks, but he was perfectly placed at the high end of above average male physical attractiveness (7.75/10).  With no great job or wealth to show off, his whole appeal to women lay at the foundation of his care-free demeanour.  I recollect the nights out fondly.

At the back end of 2007 there was an attractive looking blonde haired woman who joined the gym we both went to.  We found out she was in her early 20s and from Lithuania.  It didn’t take long for her to instigate conversation with him (yes, the occasional woman does pro-act when there is a desirable man she lusts for), and he started seeing her concurrent to being with his long term girlfriend.  Within a couple of months he called it off with his girlfriend in order to be with this woman, and due to rental lease expirations at their respective residencies, they decided to move in together.  I always thought it was too much too soon, but I think he probably thought 6 months living together would be a mutual benefit to bide some time.

After little more than a few weeks from living together, I remember getting a call from him on my drive home.  I pulled up, and he seemed a little indecisive in his speech which was unlike his usual self.  He told me she was pregnant and that her mother would not allow the child to be born in an unmarried couple.  They married before a bulge could be seen on her tummy.

As a self-confessed cynic of female manipulation and cunning plans, I couldn’t help but feel sympathy for my buddy’s poor choices.  She had a limited social life with very few friends, and she would have known about his womanizing antics.  Although this would have acted as an appealing trait at first (women love men who other women find attractive), she would have been wary of him doing the same to her.  A leopard finds it hard to change its spots, but a married man with a family has more barriers put in front of inevitable temptations. 

At the time of them meeting each other – prior to the pregnancy and wedding – I remember feeling a little envious to the way he could just always seem to fall on his feet with women.  I’d not long come out of a long term relationship with a top class girlfriend, and I knew, with my standards of combined required female hotness and personality, that the next relationship material woman wouldn’t just fall at the drop of a hat.  I’m not saying his now wife was tailor made for my tastes, but I could have seen myself with her all the same.  With all this in mind, part of me wished I could be in his shoes.  We’d both had our gallivanting days with numerous women in the local town and beyond, and a future with one woman seemed like the natural progression for both of us.  I guess, in a retrospective, honest and minor way, I was a touch jealous that he got there first.  

As time passed by, I rarely saw him or the family.  On the odd occasions we did collide, I have to say that the 3 of them (baby now growing into a little girl) all looked genuinely happy.  They, on the face of it, quite easily overcame a 12 month drink driving ban that my mate incurred during the latter part of 2008, and by 2011 they were expecting a second child.  The last time I saw her was around the period of being diagnosed with cancer, and with him it was some 7 months later when he hardly recognized me as I drew a close to the chemotherapy treatment.  I know she always had a plan to move to London to promote her career, but until the other day I wasn’t aware they had actually made this venture in 2012. 

There are always two sides to a story in terms of break-ups.  The statistics cannot be concealed, and over half of modern day UK marriages end in divorce or separation.  Women make up the majority of the initiation figures, but many will claim they were forced into this because they no longer want to be with a man due to his adultery habits.  This claim doesn’t stack up, because a higher percentage of men file for divorce on infidelity grounds than women do likewise.  There has to be other fundamental reasons for why women make up the high jettison numbers.

In this case, my friend is actually the one who, whilst not initiating a divorce, withdrew from the relationship.  He tells me she became too obsessed with her own life and her work, thus leaving him to do all the school/nursery drop offs/pick-ups.  When he asked her to be more involved, she simply claimed she couldn’t change.  When he decided to leave he thought it would be amicable, but her reaction was in the form of threats to take the kids to Lithuania so he would never see them again.  As these things go, solicitor and court fees are leaving an honest man in financial and emotional despair.

Q-Tip:
Let this be a lesson to all men.  Compromise, empathy and rationalization, with most women, is only a one-way street.  A woman is incapable of thinking of anyone but herself or anything outside of her own welfare, so discussion to how the two of them reach a predicament is pretty much a waste of time.  It won’t be her fault in any such manner, she so says and believes.  The more evidence and reality you throw at a woman, the more delusional she will become.  In simple terms, women do not like reality, because reality acts as the front row accusation towards their firmer friend that is fallacy.  With fallacy dripped into a person’s vain, they can deny any wrong doing as they such please.

My friend is no saint, and you could argue that all this has come back to bite him in the butt.  The relationship started off as a lie (due to him still being with his ex-girlfriend), and it appears there will be inevitable further lies set out before the case is settled.

I attain no satisfaction out of not belonging to the extreme happiness and despair cycle of life, but I do look at situations of this kind and see it as a lucky escape.  On another given day, as a former blue pill man, it could have been me.  I’d take a safe bet that out of the last 6 years, only half this amount would leave my friend with thoughts of not looking back to his days of freedom.  I don’t doubt for a second that he, similar to most other men in these scenarios, is so proud of his little girls and what he has brought into the world, but I also don’t doubt being right that, if these men had their time again, they would have placed more consideration into their decisions.

When all is said and done, a modern day man almost has to go into a relationship with one eye on conceding it won’t last forever.  You need a subconscious back-up plan.  As good as intentions are in the early days, the reality is love cannot conquer all.  Love diminishes, and once this inevitability hits a start button, minor issues transform into major consequences.  Once love no longer acts as the defense mechanism, the force of nature that is selfishness, independence and resentment only becomes ever stronger.  Once the white flag is raised in surrender, men, and women, need to start the re-building phase.

In cases of this kind, there are no true winners.  By the whole system of law, women are protected in the courts to ensure they are financially provided for that goes way beyond a simple 50/50 split.  The child custody to a man will also be in a woman’s favour, almost to the point where she can name the day to when the father has access to the kids.   A man must start over in financial terms, even if he caught his ex-wife practically having it off with another lover.  The reasons for divorce have become irrelevant to the ultimate outcomes.

Nevertheless, if women are generally the big winners in economic terms post divorce stage, they are the absolute losers in respect to the locating of future partners from the opposite sex.  Given the choice of two similar looking women, what kind of man is going to choose someone with children from previous times over her female counterpart with no objective past baggage?  Consequently, men who do take this route are men who believe they can do no better, and that spells out signals of a low calibre man lacking in confidence. 

On the other hand, by sheer innate and developed mentality, women actually take a liking to men with proof of previous love.  Don’t think it’s only fellow female parents either, as this includes the majority of single women too.  Children formed from a past relationship to a man are simply not the sticking point to his dating success in comparison to how motherhood will restrict a woman’s options for forthcoming male takers.  Whether women choose to accept this reality, or men opt to take advantage of it, is entirely up to them.


As a final conclusion to this subject, I reference another close friend who has found himself in a not dissimilar situation when it comes to female plan of life, and the strategy that simultaneously joins on to it.  Not long after his 22nd birthday, he met a 25 year old woman.  It didn’t take many months for her to get pregnant, mutually unplanned of course, and by doing the “right” thing he made sure they purchased a house together.  It was all they could afford at the time, and it couldn’t be concealed in the way of the residence being in a deprived area with just the two bedrooms.

Six years has passed by, and his career progression has elevated in terms of status and earnings.  When I spoke to him a few months ago about upgrading in area and size, he was transparent in the way of not desiring a bigger mortgage, adding that his disposable income could be spent on more enjoyable aspects of life.  He also mentioned how his girlfriend (the mother of his child) was giving him a nudge and hints towards them moving to a larger dwelling in a more affluent area.

Only last weekend, I received a text message from him.  Voila, et poof!  His girlfriend is expecting their second child and she is 12 weeks into the pregnancy.  There’s no doubting the next stage will be that larger house she was leading to with resistance on his part.  Is this a pure coincidence?  Or is just another all so common case of male resistance losing out to female manipulating tactics and non-empathetic mindset?