Tuesday 29 July 2014

Motivations of marriage: reasons they run to the altar

“Sometimes it’s better to travel in hope than to arrive.”

I came across the above phrase a few years ago when a former work colleague (Clive) was not wearing a wedding ring. He had made previous references to a woman called Janet that dated as far back as thirty years ago.  So I always assumed Clive and Janet were married, and I made a light hearted comment about his motive to never wear a wedding ring being down to emphasizing his availability to other women.  When he told me he had never been married, my immediate thought was that he was joking, but after a few seconds it was clear he was telling the truth.  When I asked him how a man in his early fifties had managed to get away with this task, his only words were “sometimes it’s better to travel in hope than to arrive”.

As someone who has never been married, it would be easy for someone else, especially a married person, to accuse me of naturally being from the negative and cynical mindset towards marriage.  All I can say against this argument is that I am not.  Whilst I acknowledge as every day passes by I am less likely to being the one to experience that special day, I never say never in life, and still I still harbour thoughts of looking into the eyes of the one I love and repeating the vows of marriage.  Although you never know how truly happy or unhappy a married couple are, I have seen friends appear in love when I thought it wouldn’t work, and those people who have split up when it seemed a match made in heaven.  Like most aspects of attraction, there is no real logic to it all, but when I’ve had women heavily flirting with me only weeks after they placed the ring on their finger, you can’t help but wonder what the true motivations are for two people to become one surname.

Genuine Love

Alongside the birth of children, marriage should be the biggest celebration in a lifetime, therefore it is only appropriate to start with the most positive, romantic and obvious reason to why a man and woman get married.

Whether it is childhood sweethearts or two people who have finally collided after years of unhappy endings in past relationships, when marriage is formed through genuine love as the primary source, then as an outsider looking in these couples were destined to be together for the remainder of time.  Not only do they have the physical chemistry from the early days, but they also see each other as best friends.  They share everything, they have a combined and mutual goal, neither is jealous of the other, trust is absolute, and they only have eyes for one another.  Whilst this may seem like a devised love story in the modern age, it can still happen.  The most probable types of couples that exist in this scenario are when they are of a similar physical attractiveness, social background and intelligence.  They have had their days of going out regularly with friends, and a night in together is now worth a hundred of those nights out with their peers.  Together and always, love conquers all.

Family/Peer pressure

Sometimes pressure from those outside of our own bubble can influence us to make decisions we are not comfortable with.  This can happen in all walks of life.  It is important to remember that our parents, or people as old or older, often have a mentality for aspects of life like marriage that dates back to when they were in their early twenties.  There is nothing wrong with this, but those who do not understand how different people are today in terms of trust, attraction, temptations and options, are living in another world.  A parent’s view of marriage can sometimes be one of having a daughter become an honest woman.  Not always will they look beyond this day, or seek evidence below the surface to why it may not last.

The last one still standing

I have seen this situation first hand, and whilst it is more apparent with women, men are not immune from this fear as well.
Take someone in their late twenties or early thirties, and all of their close friends are now married.  Although it is in light humour, every time they meet up with their friends there is the usual ridicule of being “left on the shelf”.  For every time they hear this, they become a little more frustrated with their single life.  So instead of relaxing, enjoying the positive parts of being single and believing the right person will come along one day in a natural sense, they panic, start to lower their standards and attain involvement with people from the opposite sex they have indifferent feelings with.  Before you know it they have both convinced each other that they should get married, have children, and place two fingers up to those who once inflicted those negative comments towards singletons.  Such is their common need for marriage and fear of being alone, it could possibly work.  My concern is always one of not actually deeply knowing the person before they are your spouse.

The day of attention

I’m afraid women are usually the guilty party in this case.  It’s isn’t so much that they are not happy, or even not in love, but it’s more a case here that this couple aren’t quite ready for marriage.  Maybe they haven’t known each other long enough, or maybe deep down there are doubts they are right for each other.  But they sail the sea in the blind faith they are destined for this big day.
Women love attention, as do some men.  Attention is fine for the more mundane aspects of life, like acquiring the most glances from the eyes of the opposite sex or the occasional one night stand in hope of impressing others for external validation.  But these parameters surely cannot border over to marriage, can they?  So her shining moment is in front of all her friends, and she knows nothing on this wedding day can take the centre of attention away from her.  It’s not dissimilar to how a young girl thinks when she becomes pregnant.  She believes all her friends will be round her like a rash once the baby arrives, and for a few weeks this may be the case, but once the novelty wears off and life continues with the self-regulating format of one’s own importance, they will be gone and concentrating on their own agendas.  The young woman is then left on her own holding the baby.  In the case of marriage, it is the woman left with a wedding ring on her finger with only memories to maintain her ego.
When people get married in this manner, as subconscious as it may be, they are simply analyzing the enjoyment of a wedding day more than the marriage itself.  “A dog is for life, not for Christmas” is a statement that comes to mind.

Her ultimatum     

Usually this occurs when the man is your typical beta male, and he is with a woman more physically attractive than him.  She has the power, he has fewer options, she knows he cannot do any better than her, and he is frightened to lose her.  She desires to have her big day, and whilst she may have doubts he is the right one for her in the long term, people in this position rarely look beyond the wedding day itself.  They simply believe everything else falls into place once married.  It’s as if the rings placed on their finger charges a power from above, and all deficiencies in their relationships vanish, papering over the cracks of vulnerabilities they see in one another.
Although I do think women have a right to marriage after a certain time of being together, ultimatums, especially in the short term, are unfair ways to base a future on a relationship.  No matter how unattractive a man may look, and no matter how beautiful she is, if a man cannot see through this then he deserves, to an extent, all the inevitable repercussions that will come his way.  To put it another way, if she isn’t happy with being his girlfriend, she will be no happier in being his wife.  Many men will go through the thought process of believing his girlfriend will leave him if he refuses to marry her.  Unfortunately, when a woman loses her love, emotion, attraction and connection with a man, a ring on her finger or a marriage certificate will not act as a guarantee for her to try harder to make it work.  Further to this, men do not lose women through not marrying them – they lose them for not being challenging enough for them.

Financial Security

Without trying to emphasize the phrase of “gold digger”, a motivation to a woman to become a wife can often be formed through her knowledge that no matter what, she will from then on be more financially secure.  If the marriage works, she has money as a wife.  If it doesn’t work out, she has more money as a divorcee than before she met him.  Again, this has the physically attractive woman meets average looking man scenario written all over it.  Pre-nuptials are available of course, but this type of man wouldn’t dare even mention the words in fear of her walking out the door.

It always makes me wonder how men in this situation actually think.  If I was to say they are thinking with their illogical penis, then I may have more than likely answered my own question.  He must see this as a possible outcome, but I guess he just lives for the moment.  At the end of the day it won’t be the financial ruin that cripples his confidence, outlook on life or optimism for the future.  It will be his broken heart pondering how to start all over again as a single man, as his ex-wife is venturing on without a genuine tear in her eye.

Mutual arrangement

This is almost like an honest version of the above point.  In the financial security position it is unlikely the couple will ever talk about possible eventualities of marriage or divorce.  It is also even more unlikely they will ever mention anything about the differing motivators as to why they are together.

A mutual arrangement is when the couple put their cards on the table pre-marriage.  When you see an English man in his seventies walking down the street with a Thai orientated women less than half his age, then this is a mutual arrangement.  He has a younger trophy to show off, and she has a better life in financial terms than before.  I respect couples of this kind, as whilst it isn’t seen as an organic way of people forming to be man and wife, at least they are living in the real world – to an extent.

Whilst some of these reasons may be projected as cynical views, the only reason I’m in a position to offer advice based on a wide range of experiences is due to a consequence of life.  As a man who has been in different relationships because of the fact of never settling down, this manifests in producing a person who can demonstrate trends from opinions formed by nothing more than honest and objective history.  There isn’t a day that passes by when I don’t think about how different, and possibly how more fulfilling, my life could have been had I settled down.  Again, I reiterate that this is a consequence as opposed to a conscious choice of the past.  Maybe it can be called destiny, but the motivation behind this book was fundamentally, and primarily, to help out all those great men in the world.  As a knock on effect, this also brings long term happiness for the women within these relationships.  People’s gut instincts are to disagree, but after a deep breath, a good night’s sleep, and an open mind from honest recollections, most people will agree with the reality that life and emotions bring.

Marriage should be a wonderful part of anyone’s life.  Most of my closest friends are married and I’m genuinely happy for them.  It may not be for everyone, but when it works it must seem magical.  It must feel like life is all the worth living for.  My issue with marriage has always been when it is done for the wrong reasons.  Of course, nobody with two brain cells enters a marriage believing it will not work.  It’s just that many people fall into it without genuine love being the priority and fundamental reason.      

Saturday 26 July 2014

A woman gone by 21

“Time is no friend to anyone, but preventing it from being your enemy is often in the destiny of your own hands.  Other times, a fall from grace is the fault of
 nothing else but your own poor choices.”

I often subscribe on this blog to the usual case of women’s choices in men taking a change of direction once they reach the age of 24.  I stand by this.  I also stand by the general observation that between the ages of 24 to 25, a woman is placing absolute priority in finding the highest calibre and most suitable provider she can locate within plausible reasoning.  Between the ages of 26 to 28 brings about the period when a woman would like to get married and start a family.  If this all hasn’t happened by 30, the consequence is one of a woman who is in a hurry to settle down, and she will grudgingly produce more realistic requests in the probable and inevitable de-scaling of male quality that will give her what she needs.

Now this isn’t always the case.  For example, a low percentage of women hold their physical beauty into their 30s.  If they naturally, as they should, develop a more likeable and engaging personality, they should in theory still be able to place the demands they attained in their 20s.  But time isn’t on their side to do this for very long.  Some women, and I predict this is a much lower number than the actual women stating it in words, are genuinely happy to live a single life and just let life take its course of events.  But these women are so rare because the female mind fundamentally belongs to that of required companionship, validation, protectiveness and security.  Nearly all men, no matter how low quality in the whole scheme of things, can at least offer these attributes. 

With consideration to the above, I dedicate this post to another section of the female society.  I’m not talking about teenage girls who get pregnant to loser boys who just so happened to be a popular kid hanging around the park.  For them, they may as well kiss goodbye to any ambitions in seeking a man truly worth having in the future.  As much as young girls or women may try to convince their brains that a recently born child will attract men on the “ready-made family” concept, this is a fallacy from fantasy land.  No man with options takes on a woman with family baggage unless she is of absolute top end physical attractiveness.  Even then, it’s only likely he’s there for the short haul.  People have to face the reality that a woman with a kid is a detriment to her future dating success.  A man in the likewise position will sustain minimal negativity in the same respect, and in many situations it will actually benefit his appeal to the opposite sex.  If women think this predicament is unfair, they only have themselves to blame for being more attracted to pre-selected and validated men in comparison to unattached men with no emotional baggage.

The scenario I’m about to explain is typical of women who never quite have it in them to maximize their potential male mate.  I’m not talking in male looks perspective here, because anyone who reads this blog will be more than aware by now that most women choose to date down in physical impressiveness anyway.  No, male quality comes in many aspects far above how he looks.  But worse still, this anecdote will illustrate how a woman can fall from grace in her own value quicker than jumping from a cliff without a parachute.  When imperceptible diminishment of female looks commences, they do have my genuine sympathy.  But when it happens before the blink of an eye, and when it occurs at such a young age, it really does leave me with pity for these women.

During April of last year, a new young lady was being inducted in our office building.  She didn’t work in the same office block as me, but it was clear she would be based no more than a couple of stair flights from us.  She was pretty and had long straight dark brown hair.  She possessed a lovely curvaceous body and a nice complexion for a white Caucasian girl.  When she smiled, her teeth wouldn’t have been frowned upon on a Hollywood red carpet ceremony.  I actually thought she was around 26 to 27 in age, so I was a little shocked to find out that she was about to celebrate her 21st birthday in a couple of weeks time.  Her boyfriend was taking her to Rome for this event, and my first thought was the perennial woman dating down with a guy who is seeking her approval with gifts of such kind.  Now I would never had said she was of glamour model material, but as an overall grade I’d give her a solid 8/10 in physical attractiveness.  For the record, it didn’t take her long to start looking at me as we walked in opposite directions. On the three occasions I recall, there was the beautiful expressional contrast of smile, indifference and hostility in that order.  When a woman has mixed emotions running through her veins, a clued up man takes it as a compliment.

I’ve seen professional sports stars with girlfriends or wives who look no better than her.  Now although the odds are not in her favour (as there are far more hot women than high status or famous men) you wouldn’t have been surprised to see her with a man of high profile.  She had all the credentials to belong to this female group.  Even if you went a tier below in status, you could well expect a woman who looks like this to be with a local wealthy businessman. 

A few weeks on and I was walking along the streets of Nottingham during a Saturday afternoon.  I saw her walking hand in hand with a skinny, pale and average (to be kind) looking man.  He was possibly about 24 or 25.  This type of bond would surprise a lot of people, but certainly not an intuitive guy like me who studies real life couple dynamics.  Nevertheless, his 5/10 physical attractiveness grade was a full 60% below hers, and this by far surpasses how I see most women dating down in aesthetic terms by 10% to 15%.  When it surpasses this percentage figure, you start to look at the other metrics the man must offer – mainly money and status – in enormous quantities to bridge the visual gap.  But only a week or so later, the office gossip girl informed many of us that this woman’s boyfriend worked as a chef.  Unless you’re on the scale of Jamie Oliver, I know there isn’t much money involved in this industry.  And it’s hardly classed as high status.

At this point, women may be shouting out that male personality, potential or possibly sexual prowess got him there.  We all know this claim is bullshit when it comes to the hottest women.  The hottest women can demand far more than this, and usually it is in the product of wealth and status.  It had to be more than this.  Was it a case that he knows so much about interaction strategy and female psychology that tests and challenges her each day?  My inclination tells me not, because no man needs to take a woman to an expensive European city on the behalf of his credit card when he knows she loves him for who he is, and not what he does.  Gossip girl informed me they hadn’t been dating long.

During the summer months we had a fire alarm.  My colleague, who had also shared my predilections for her viewing, saw her walk past.  Although still looking decent, it was clear she had put a pronounced degree of weight on.  Over that period of time she had stopped arriving to work in her Mini Cooper vehicle and in replacement of a dirty white van that looked on its last legs.  Something wasn’t adding up.  A couple of nights she was even getting picked up by, I can only assume, her father. 

We then didn’t see her for a couple of months in September and October.  I assumed she had left the company.  Then one November afternoon I saw this pale, fat, acne skinned and pregnant woman walk past me.  I’d never seen her before, but there was some familiarity.  Surely not, but there was enough features to lead me to believe it was her.  My colleague passed her in the canteen the following week.  He confirmed it was definitely her.  A week or two later this now uninspiring looking woman was showing off ultrasound pictures to the female colleagues in the canteen, and she was arriving to work with her office “buddy”.  It’s never a coincidence how much friendlier women can become with a female peer once she has lost an element of her beauty.  In the space of 6 months, this woman had lost nearly 100% of her physical attractiveness rating.  This was all at the age of 21.

How do women fall down the slippery slope so quickly and at such a young age?  Well in this young lady’s case, and she certainly isn’t on her own here, it starts with attaining very little inner confidence.  She would have been aware of her beauty in relation to the masses of other women out there, but she would have also known she had very little else to offer life.  As she was not even 21 when she joined the company, she hadn’t reached the mentality when most women start to analyze male status and wealth, and how they can take advantage of men’s naivety, in the priority to how that of women post 23 years of age would view it.  Sure, every woman dreams to be with a rich and famous man who can pass over a bank card every day for her to go and spend, but that’s more a pipe dream than a calculated possibility. 

Low self-esteem and high insecurity, which of course are linked to low confidence, result in further doubts of what kind of man a woman can acquire.  Throw in high egoism, which is no stranger to the characteristics of most hot women, and it also brings about a typical person who needs to be in the arms of a man that little bit (or in this case, a lot) less striking to the eye.  It all manifests in holding subconscious desires to be with a man who will appreciate her worth to the world.  With most women, these positive emotions only last for so long before they are replaced with negative feelings.  That is, conscious knowledge of a man who over appreciates her, who idolizes her and makes her his priority in life all the time, is the sign of a man who can do no better.  This usually turns to resentment, but with women who have excessively low opinions of their overall value, the safety reassurance rules above any single thought of risk benefit.  

The pregnancy is the one interesting aspect, because although accidents can happen, I come from for the cynical viewpoint with regards to this subject.  In a world of numerous and efficient contraceptive methods, I think many women get pregnant when they want to.  Men, who are stupid to trust too much, too soon, are the simple sperm donators for their female partner’s plan of life.  When it suits a woman to be fertilized, she will take the opportunity in any way it can help her life get on some kind of track.  There will be little concern to the longer term consequences, because women are creatures who live in the present.  It’s usually the men who consider the futures more.  But when things go pear shaped, and the dad is nowhere to be seen, the woman bears the longer term disruption to her progress.  Gone are the days of dreams, girls night’s out, looking their best or aspirations to meet a real good man they would choose rather than take.  The substitute is nappies, sleepless nights, baggy eyes and the prospect of a nice dependable (but boring) nice guy to provide for something that isn’t his. 

In the situation of this young woman, I really do think she thought she could never do any better.  Stuck in an uninspiring job she didn’t like, the next best thing is a 9 month maternity break with thoughts of a baby to kick start better things.  I hope I’m wrong, but I’ve seen this movie once too many times to be convinced otherwise.  Although she didn’t seem to be the brightest bulb in the pack, she did appear to be a nice person who could talk amicably with the office staff in her vicinity.  In the words of a song from the group I cannot quite recall:

“You don’t know you’re beautiful.”          

Wednesday 23 July 2014

Separating the comprehension of love and infatuation: what men of all types must acknowledge

“Love creeps out the window, when poverty walks through the door.”

Whether through our parents, our peers, our siblings or a romantic movie or novelist, we are trained to believe love is the strongest tool that bonds two people together.  “Love breeds eternal”, “love conquers all”, and “love is blind” are just some of the phrases we hear to emphasize the emphatic word we all long to experience.  Some of us may encounter this feeling just a handful of times in our life, and quite often our retrospective view is one of conceding it was never actually true love at all.  Sometimes it was love, but it was simply a case of not to be in the end.  Love is strong, love is exclusive to the two people in that relationship, love can be unique in contrast to any other feeling in the world, and love is often the one thing that keeps us alive.

A few years ago somebody very close to me had an affair with another man whilst she was married to her husband.  At the time it came completely out of the blue, but in hindsight there were certain signs that shouldn’t have made it such a surprise.  This woman declared the truth of her misdemeanors to her family the day after Christmas.  Her husband - a nice guy with beta traits if ever I saw one - had been informed by her on Christmas day, therefore whilst he didn’t look in total shock, he also held a presence of hope and optimism.  I’ll never forget his words of “she still loves me, and she has told me this.”

The woman did also confess that she loved the man she had been having a three month affair with, although I doubt she consciously knew anything in those moments, such was her infatuation with not only her lover but also the situation she found herself in.  It was as if she was in a soap opera with her as the star of the show.  As despicable as she admitted her actions had been, and as knowledgeable as she was of destroying many people’s lives, I couldn’t help but think that part of her was enjoying the ego thrill of having two men who were chasing her heart.  I guess this is just human nature in all of us: there will always be a fraction in our soul, no matter how small or large, that cries out to be wanted.

I knew of the man she was involved in this infidelity act on a second hand basis.  People had informed me of his womanizing antics and inability to talk to people in a respectful way.  He was the typical bad boy.  Even though we are talking about three people in this triangle who were all over fifty years of age, it highlights how emotions can play tricks on their minds, even if they had perhaps reached a logical and mature stage in their lives.

I don’t doubt this woman did still love her husband, before and during the affair, and even after she confessed all.  I’m a firm believer that most women who feel they are in a relationship with men, who appear too nice, do truly love them.  It is a level of love, even if it is not actually being in love with him.  The problem exists because she isn’t infatuated by him, and in truth, and more importantly, she never was.  He may have made her heart flutter in the early days due to all the kind things he did for her - things she had never experienced with any other man that came before him - but it was never that of infatuation or a feeling giving her the urge and need to rip his clothes off as soon as they were reunited after a long day.  Of course this sexual irresistibility period can only last for so long in any relationship, but if it isn’t there at the start then you can only wonder if it is a dead horse you are trying to sell.

Now on the other hand there is also a good argument to back up the probability that women in these situations are not in love with the bad boy they encounter.  She may believe she is at the time, but when it all ends for her with both the nice guy and the bad boy, I’d be certain in her honest words that she would say she loved the former but not the latter.  The critical difference in these scenarios is that she was infatuated by the bad boy - something she never was with the nice guy.  Most females, at least in their younger years, are channeled in their minds to be drawn towards jerks, and they hope or expect this mentality to change over time.  They will rationalize in terms of knowing which kind of man gives them the most security (emotional and financial) and comfort for a longer term, but thoughts of this kind towards the edgier men of the world cannot suddenly be switched off and leave their hearts and minds.  Impulses are strong, and once the novelty of a new relationship, an engagement ring, a wedding and a honeymoon with memories have all worn off, she has the choice to stay with the man she loves but who she isn’t infatuated by, or stray to someone she is infatuated with but who she doesn’t love.  In certain cases she can have both, but this is usually only a short term fix, and sooner rather than later she will have to choose a path.  Most young couples in this day and age are not swimming in money, and once the man starts to tighten the purse strings to get by, this gives her further ammunition to justify adulteration.  My mother often quotes the words of my late grandmother: “love creeps out the window, when poverty walks through the door.”

There is another explanation to why so many women from the high end of physical attractiveness fall into the arms of bad boys.  In the regular world, the majority of bad boys are not graced with great intelligence or articulate language – both in content or delivery – and from experience, a large percentage of visually striking women tend to be likewise in these competencies.  With all this consideration, a woman of physical beauty, but lacking in intellect, will be far more comfortable in interaction with someone on her wavelength.  Good looking high value men are not only making a woman feel inadequate in aesthetic terms, but also in persona relativity.  Even a risk free and uncharismatic nice guy may seem like a better proposition to maintain her purpose in life.  Although precarious by nature with regards to reliability, a woman with high beauty but low mental ability will usually be most intrigued by the bad boy.

So for an average looking man who finds himself with a woman more attractive than he is, he has to be aware of the whole love versus infatuation dilemma she will be inevitably considering.  He has to refrain from blinding himself of her true intentions and motivations in being with him.  Often these motives are genuine, but sometimes they are based on her agenda.  On occasions she may not even truly know herself.   He can ignore it for a period of time, especially in the early days, but a good amount of women will be weighing it up in their minds every day.  For some women the lure of having a family with a secure, stable and dependable man will surpass any thoughts of an unreliable, yet exciting, other candidate.  However, not all will abide by the romance and happy endings, and they will happily ride the wave that satisfies all her needs.  The guy on the innocent end of all this just needs to evaluate these possible eventualities before he is left with the wedding ring in one hand, and his heart pounding in despair on the other.

Women will constantly say they desire a nice guy.  This statement goes against the grain with many of them saying these words, as they are seen dating, in relationships with, or having sex with men who care little for their emotional needs they so often declare as a requirement.  However, even if they make these apparent poor choices that contradict the verbal delivery, they will put it down to misfortune, sheer coincidence or belief that the man changed his ways once they were together.  They will protest these actions were deliberation on their part, and they will resist claims that their subconscious mind draws them towards men who are notorious for being bad boys.  As most men are beta males – performing the role of the white knight and believing the words women say as opposed to observing what they do – the majority of the male population will act exactly in the way women say they want a man to be.  This whole process is unforgiving, as men only fulfill in being what women find unchallenging in the longer term.  A woman doesn’t consciously want to be with a jerk, but he is the wiser choice for her overall visceral needs in favour of a mundane nice guy.

A man should, whilst not replicating being one, take note of what makes a bad boy desirable to women – challenging, independent, firm, care-free, confident and unafraid of upsetting women with justified cause.  He should also take note of a nice guy’s negative points – unchallenging, possessive, supplicated, sycophant, passive and agreeable.  It is more than possible for a man to implement and eradicate these actions respectively, without this being wholesale changes to his character, and in turn he can succeed in not falling into an extreme jerk or nice guy.  Unfortunately, too few men realize this balance requirement, and women continue to be unhappy with either heartbreak or boredom.  

Sunday 20 July 2014

Female feelings towards male tattoos

“You haven’t won or lost a penny until you sell the stock itself.”

I suspect a regular unspoken thought within modern day minds is with reference to the projected sexual attraction that men’s tattoos have on the eyes female onlookers.  Tattoos have become a commonplace in our lives of today, almost to a point where, in certain social environments, you are in the minority if you do not sport one or two ink patterns on your arms, legs or back.  It’s pointless in a man asking a woman for her view on the appeal that tattoos bring to the table, because the female voice will tell him what her ego tells her.  More often than not, the voice will be speaking words along the lines of a nice, clean man to take care of her, yet she is later walking alongside someone who portrays the opposite to what she says.  Once more, watch rather than listen.

Some people can go overboard with tattoos, in my opinion.  I am told that they become addictive, almost like a drug, after you have incorporated the first one onto the body.  Call it a tattoo epidemic, if you like.  But in a similar way, a purist cannot simply dismiss their attraction onto women and state they are only an emblem that a low-life man would sign up for.  This is certainly not the case, and it can be backed up in the real world when you see certain women alongside tattooed men.

In terms of male tattoos in the sexual market, it is an easy and perhaps idle assumption to split the groups in two.  That is; beta males do not have any tattoos whilst alpha males are the men seen with them.  This is a lazy and inaccurate view.  For starters, I do not have one tattoo to my name.  I’m not totally against them, and I would never rule out having just one to represent my late father’s country of origin and his birth to deceased dates.  However, despite no current exploitation, I would confidently say that I, similar to other men without tattoos, portray far greater charisma, confidence, attitude, good body language and swagger – traits associated with alpha males - than the vast majority of men with tattoos who appear to walk with their heads down and shoulders slouched.  Simply put, a tattoo on a man cannot make up for a demeanour that represents someone who knows he is the shit in an environment.

But certain aspects to a tattoo can conceal, to an extent, the lack of inner confidence in a man.  More than half the guys between the ages of 20 to 45 in the gym I attend will have at least one tattoo that can be seen by female members.  Much more than half of these men (with tattoos) are walking around with a look that construes the world’s problems on their heads.  There is no upright posture or confident walk to be seen.  I know this by the number of times I walk past them to acknowledge, only for them to have no belief in their veins to do the same.  Then again, I do tend to make most women and men appear uncomfortable in this respect.  I wonder why…

Nevertheless, despite this lack of internal belief and confidence, in addition to poor body language and presence, men with tattoos can positively elevate a woman’s perception of him in comparison to him acting the same way without a tattoo.  A woman’s innate character is to seek what is forbidden and challenging.  Movies, novels and fantasy thoughts only further compound this already formed female mindset.  A man representing this portrait is known as a bad boy.  Bad boys, by and large, are accustomed to be seen with a tattoo or two (or three, four….).  So in spite of his apparent shortcomings, these patterns, words and pictures seen on his body will leverage her attraction and increase his mystique.  This factor alone is a huge benefit for a man to have a tattoo engraved.

Segmenting the female market     

Of course, whilst tattoos will, in today’s world, enhance projected female sexual attraction onto a man in the vast majority of occasions, this isn’t to say all women will be further forthcoming in picking out the same men as boyfriend and husband material.  There are crossovers, but this will be a decent rule of thumb to go by:

  • The more “common”, deprived, poor (in wealth terms), low social class, drama seeking, low confident, insecure, uneducated, unintelligent and naïve a woman is, the more likely she is to choose a man with tattoos for both sexual endeavours and boyfriend choice.
  • The more affluent, self-entitled, self-indulged, high social class, confident, self-assured, content with everyday events in life, educated, intelligent and astute a woman is, the more likely she is to stray away from a man with tattoos, and only seek him out on sporadic occasions for better sexual fantasy and enjoyment.

To reiterate, this isn’t absolute, but you wouldn’t go far wrong with this train of thought.  I would expect that you know far more women who sit to the side of the first group of females as explained, and if this is the case, more women would be attracted to a man with tattoos than repelled from him. 

The hotness level of a woman also isn’t relative to whether you should be looking at a tattoo seeker or not.  Hot and cute women can belong to wealthy, average income and poor backgrounds, so don’t go looking for tell-tale signs that way prior to knowing something about her daddy’s profession.  Because whilst a hot girl from a poorer family will be more inclined with association for jerks (who just so happen to have tattoos), a woman from rich parentage may be a little more resistant of this type of man for the longer haul.      

Separating the male candidates  

  • Ugly men will receive neither very little benefit or detriment in displaying tattoos.  As women worth having will already be repulsed by him, the tattoo in its form of attention onto her eyes is pretty much an oblivious signature.  All the advantages that tattoos can produce are negated on an ugly man.
  • Average looking men will receive the largest scope of potential leveraged attention from women by showing off tattoos.  Although an average man will not strike an unknown woman’s eyes on first glance without high social profile, he is likewise not causing her any discomfort, jealous or repulsive emotions.  As he sits firmly in the middle ground of her disposition towards his existence, an average man in physical attractiveness terms can make her ask that few more questions in her mind if she sees a tattoo.  With the right level of positive attitude to combine with his tattoo, a woman’s indifferent feelings can soon be transformed to desires in knowing more about him.  As alluded to on various occasions within this blog, the vast majority of women want to find an average man attractive, but he cannot just stand still and hope she pro-acts due a good self-centred rush derived from his comparative lesser looks.  He still has to do something to catch her interest.
  • Good looking men can also benefit from tattoos in the eyes of women.  Unlike his impressive facial image, toned body and good clothing style – that put most women’s noses out of joint – tattoos have no such negative effect.  Along with the intrigue and bad boy reputation they bring, tattoos on a good looking man also take him further along the “edgy” curve of good looks, and away from the irritable feelings she has of his admirable features.  You could argue it toughens him up concurrent to blemishing his all so glamorous existence.

And as a tiny anecdote, let me elaborate on the last point above.  I recently severed a 4 inch scar sustained from my ex-girlfriend (then girlfriend of 2 ½ years - albeit on/off) on our “romantic” vacation in Italy.  It wasn’t pre-determined, but let me just say that she was filing her nails at the same time I directed one or two smart comments her way as the hamster wheel picked up speed.  One minute my right arm was unblemished, the next minute I was pouring with blood.  When I arrived back to England, the pink line of skin could not be hidden from the glowing tan I had developed, and naturally many people asked me what had happened.  When I told them about the incident, in addition to the stand out mark, intrigue and defect that a scar brings out, I couldn’t help but notice an air of extra attraction in my vision of women’s all so obvious expressions.  The only woman who came across as genuinely upset and disappointed was my mother.  I think this tells its own story.

As a man, you need to be very careful if you are one of those more idealistic folk who are prepared to listen, and believe, what women tell you when their emotions, egos and agendas are to be put on the firing line.  Tattoos are a prime example.  My step-sister had always stated that she didn’t find men with tattoos attractive or appealing.  When her options became more limited, and she bumped into a man who fits her sexual predilections (despite him being a low-life, dense and poor earning man with a child from a previous relationship), she ended up dating someone who has ink designs on most parts of his anatomy.  This also included tacky engraving of his daughter’s and ex-girlfriend’s (the mother of his child) names. 

This is where any naïve man has to stand up and take responsibility for his world of ideology.  Women will fib until the cows come home, they will not always be totally sure what they truly desire, and they will tell you things that attempt to maintain their integrity and morals.  These habits will, on more cases than not, be adverse to how they actually choose to live their lives and make the choices they proceed with.  Do you want to be that guy who scratches his head for the rest of his life, or would you prefer to live the life of least resistance and maximum reward?    

Q-tip (for women!):

Tattoos on women, in greater form, have the opposite effect on positive male projected attraction.  The odd one on the foot, ankle or back may make a man want to bang you that bit more than before, and it won’t affect your prospective relationship portfolio one way or the other, but if you think that excessive displays on shoulders, arms or the neck are going to make more men see you as girlfriend material, then think again.  Only low calibre male “chavs” will be prepared to take you on if you choose this road ahead.  Fundamentally, women sporting too many tattoos will be perceived as slags, and as a ramification, they will be ruled out as girlfriend material.  So if you feel the need for numerous or enlarged tattoos in order to feel better about yourself and to seek external attention, then let this be your decision, but then don’t go crying or moaning that there are no decent men out there or they are intimidated by you.  In nothing more than honest words, we are put off by your unappealing tattoos.   

Wednesday 16 July 2014

Men dating older women

“If youth is wasted on the young, then what do the elder dispose of?  Is it hope, optimism, change or palpability?  Or are there some who view age as expertise, and see tomorrow as a brighter day than the one before?”

Similar to almost every aspect, choice and decision we make in life, contemplating intimate involvement with an older woman comes with advantages and disadvantages.  Sometimes it isn’t even contemplation, as the interaction and commencement of the relationship fell naturally into place.  One moment two people were just enjoying the single life, and the next moment they were both wondering why it had taken so long to collide into each other’s heart.  Of course this is the happy beginning, but real life doesn’t always have a happy ending.

There are various ways a man can become involved with an older woman.  It may have been simple, instant attraction on both parts, and one another’s age was merely a number.  It could be a conscious decision on either part - the woman perhaps entered a stage in her life when she needed reassurance of her beauty, and consequently she was motivated by her ego elevation requirement to date a younger guy.  His conscious thought could have been born out of his tiredness of immaturity, drama and high maintenance from previous younger girlfriends.  Then there are the subconscious evaluations they made, like her realizing she could dictate a younger, naïve and even desperate man, whilst he realized his once youthful appearance had deserted him, and an older women is his current benchmark attainability.  No matter how it happens, they both ended up in the same place.  The main question is - can it work?

It is important to clarify the parameters of a younger man and older woman relationship.  The easy scenario is one typical of a 30 year old man with a forty year old woman, or a 25 year old man meeting a woman ten years his senior.  However, imagine if a man in his late 20s had become familiar with dating younger women in their late teens or early 20s, and then he meets a woman only a couple of years older than him.  Whilst the age gap is not at all significant, his mental switch will need to be one of enormity.  In this case, to him it would seem like being with an older woman.  In fundamental terms, whilst age as a number isn’t irrelevant, it becomes less relevant.  It basically is dependent on the people involved, and their relative past experiences prior to the first encounter.

Advantage 1: Her maturity level

Whilst there are some older women who still naturally act, or choose to act, in a manner of a girl ten years younger than her defined age, generally speaking she will be at a mature mental level.  If a younger man has been accustomed to past relationships with younger women, or even women his own age, the likelihood is they will have come with the territory of this stage of life: this being immaturity, self-obsession, self-consciousness and over-emphasized drama that is often created to keep her fire burning.  This can be exhausting, and an experience free of these characteristic deficiencies will appear to be like a breath of fresh air.  For a while, at least, an enjoyable life is there for the taking.

Advantage 2: Conversation

In a follow on from the above, conversations with younger girlfriends that were highly dominated by derogatory comments towards others, her life and reality televisions programmes, have now been replaced with higher intellectual and intelligent content.  For once, everything isn’t about a man’s female partner, and if you’ve had a bad day at work, or you have an issue in your private life, it is refreshing to sit next to someone with a genuine, constructive and objective opinion, without compromising the comprehension of what you are going through.  For the first time in your life, a relationship can seem like “us” and not “her”.

Advantage 3: Her sexual experience

Age may result in a little less energy, but as a reward it brings knowledge and experience.  Nothing spells this out more clearly than the older women in the bedroom.  Where your previous more physically attractive girlfriend was basked in naked self consciousness, with her lying back for you to choreograph all the moves, this older woman can teach you new skills, not to mention new satisfactions.  She may not perform this every night, but at a slightly older age yourself, you appreciate the perennial phrase of “quality over quantity” like you never did before.

Advantage 4: Settled and financially secure

Depending on her situation, the financial stability and security may not always be of a positive nature, but by enlarge she will at least have her house in order in these terms.  From my experiences, older women are far more inclined to contribute in financial terms, a habit alien to many younger, and thus receptive natured women.  In a gender dynamic comparison, it is almost the same as an average looking beta male dating a beautiful girlfriend.  As he feels privileged to be in her company, he contributes the lion’s share of any expenses.  Although not as extreme, an older woman, whilst not revealing this fact, will acknowledge her fortunate roll of the dice in securing a younger man.  Consequently, the result is that she pays her way during those visits to cinemas, restaurants or weekends away.

Advantage 5: Less self-conscious

Sure, you still would like her to maximize her physical potential, but gone are the days of waiting for the younger girlfriend looking in the mirror for an hour, looking at her phone to see who has messaged her, and asking you every five minutes if her backside looks bigger than the day before.  An older woman rarely has this kind of disposable time to mess around, and in any case, she values other aspects of her life as much as her appearance.  It all simply forms a more relaxed environment, and this is free from the everyday high maintenance a younger woman, if not conducted in a firm mannered male process, will consistently deliver.

Disadvantage 1: Always thinking you could do better

Again, this attitude depends on the situation.  For example, if the younger man is grotesque and the older woman is relatively attractive, it would take a brave guy to have this higher sexual market value mindset.  Nevertheless, if he is a decent looking man, and he has fresh memories of younger female liaisons, it is only human to carry out thoughts of believing he could do better than this woman he wakes up with.  When this thought process arrives, usually after the honeymoon period, it is no coincidence young men in these situations return to the male nights out.  Once in view of the bevy of beautiful girls, temptations will always be just a dance away.

Disadvantage 2: More insecure

Although an older woman is less self-conscious, many women from an older age bracket can progressively become more insecure with many things in their lives.  A good analogy would be to compare this to a young sports star coming into the team. They have no fear because of their youth.  Their senior team mate, whilst more experienced, has memories of disappointments, mistakes and vulnerabilities.  Women are similar as so far they can start to question their worth as they get older.  As she doubts herself, she feels lower value than the average younger man she walks side by side with.  When this occurs, it can go one of two ways.  She either becomes further insecure and irritable that her apparent confidence is dwindling, or she becomes vainly aggressive and attempts to de-value her man to bring him down to her level.  In either case, the guy is usually left in a frustrated way, further promoting his compulsions to that of younger women.

Disadvantage 3: Sexual arousal

So she knows more in bed than her younger counterparts, but it would be rare for a man, unless he is lying, to actually be naturally aroused more by an older woman than one of many years younger.  It is only human nature running its course, and no different to a female cougar’s differing sexual threshold – this being variable arousal between a young hunk and her rich, but far older, husband.  Though the numbers are closer than previous generations, men are still more likely to pursue alternative sexual pleasures when faced with boredom from their partners.  If the two of them can maintain the bedroom fire burning, or he is a male of unbelievable high sex drive, then this outcome can be prevented.

Disadvantage 4: Past baggage

The older the woman, the more likely her train will arrive at the station with some magnitude of emotional baggage.  This could be a psychologically distressed ex-husband, or she could possess children from previous relationships.  Whilst many people will have, or know of, close friends who appear happy with their girlfriends with kids from the ghost of the past, it would take an ideal scenario for it not to possess some level of complexity.  A relationship between a man and woman brings about enough obstacles at the best of times, so throw in other items and it can only be harder to the task.  That said, a man will know about these barriers at an early stage, therefore he would be a foolish person to one day wake up all surprised that her past baggage is what brought it to an end.

A child from a previous relationship can limit a woman’s dating success significantly.  This decisive deficit can be bridged to some extent as she bears to the right side of high scale physical attractiveness, but the truth cannot be hidden that this predicament will repel the majority of men.  The higher calibre the man, the more likely this is to antagonize him.  On the other hand, a man in the same position could actually benefit in the dating world, especially if he has an array of other sexual market metrics to assist him.  At worst, the decline on his fortune in attracting women will be of absolute negligence.

Disadvantage 5: In a hurry to commit

This is often when a man meets a woman in her late 20s or early 30s, and she hasn’t been previously married or hasn’t yet birthed children.  Her friends have settled down, they appear happy, and they ridicule her single life.  Very few women take comfort in being the last apple hanging from the branch.  It makes them feel insignificant to life and lacking behind their peers.  It is always worth remembering that women, in general, place far more focus on their perceived external validation to the outside world than men.  One of the primary concerns relating to this conundrum is in not belonging to a man.  In this case, the younger guy needs to be aware that she will not hang around if she scents a lack of commitment on his agenda.  If she tells him this up front, the man has to make the decision based on happiness for all parties.  However, he should be wary of the minority of women who have their own plan and agenda, and two months after the first date they could be visiting the ultrasound unit.

I know of a few men who have become involved with the older woman in their life, and they have never looked back due to the happiness it brought.  Others haven’t been so fortunate, and an inevitable parting of the ways was the outcome.  It is for some, and it isn’t for others.

Some of the most physically attractive women, over and above any other age bracket, belong to those in their late 20s.  On very isolated occasions, this can also stretch to their early 30s.  With the added benefit of a higher sexual market value - in particular the way they have usually developed further persona and intelligence - these women really are from a high standard.  If a man meets one of these types then he should grab it with both hands, but it is pertinent to note these women are extremely rare.  They are even harder to find than handsome men with high sexual market value and predominant alpha traits.

These high calibre older women will usually seek out high status men who are not as good looking as they are.  The 15% rule will be typical – her being 15% more visually impressive than him.  However, there are isolated occasions a younger, but low status, good looking man may be deemed appealing to these women.  The female mind requires ego inflations from various aspects of life, and if she can foresee her sexual obsolescence approaching, yet she needs reassurance to confirm denial of this concern, a likely option is to spend intimate time with a younger handsome guy. 

Whilst fun in the short term, these dynamics seldom work out over a longer spell, as the sexual market eventually proceeds with its logical course of action.  As every day passes by, each party slowly returns to their habitual agenda.  The young man’s eyes will start to stray towards the many hot women from his own age range (or younger), as men generally place maximum emphasis on female youth and beauty within their feasible grasp.  The older attractive woman in this situation has her once positive emotions replaced by frustrated thoughts of his immaturity and lack of resource, and she returns to the natural process of hypergamy considerations – the process most women are accustomed to in finding men of higher status class, and as a usual consequence, those who are less physically attractive.

It is my firm belief that a younger woman dating an older man suits an alpha male type.  Likewise, an older woman by and large is an ideal match for a younger beta male.  You need only to analyze the likely day to day interaction - he will have more leeway from her, in spite of some of his annoying beta mannerisms.  This is only true because of her limited options in the sexual market in comparison to the majority of her younger female counterparts with similar metrics.  She will value and treasure his positive beta traits, like his caring, considerate and genuinely warm hearted ways, more than a younger woman would do so.  Basically, a beta male’s negative traits will be tolerated by an older woman and his positive traits will be appreciated more than they would be by women at the early stages of their dating lives.  What an older woman needs holds far more weight than the thoughts of the kind of man she would desire.  If she had less at stake, she could ultimately please herself that little bit more.

Sunday 13 July 2014

Women’s interpretations of male group photographs

“No man ever went broke by banging a profit.”

Whether we like it or not, we live in a world accustomed to busy weekend bars and clubs employing a weirdo who walks around in taking abundant pictures of our group gatherings.  Once Monday morning strikes, onto the website gallery do the folk gallop to see if they caught our “good” side.

Women, as the sex with more inclination, emphasis and necessity to exploit their visual existence, naturally take a greater concern to all this.  From my estimates and observations of the night scene galleries in my home city, there is merely a 1:50 chance of seeing a photo that shows a woman who strikes my attention, although it is relative to the particular venue to where the snaps were taken.  In truth, these women can pose in any such way they please without it having too much negative ramification, because as most men are so forgiving, clueless and desperate, if there is a half-decent face and body on show then her stupid expression will be taken as an oversight.  Even for clued up men like me, who can ascertain personality tell tale signs from a woman’s pose, I would still give her a clean slate if venturing on for good times developed. 

On the other hand, men can throw it all away by portraying their image incorrectly.  As women are far more critical of men than men are of assessing women, the way a man holds his stance and demeanour can pretty much make or break how a woman will perceive him from that day on.  Remember, a woman’s perception will rule over any other fact, reason or piece of evidence.

The below photograph includes 5 men on a random night out.  From left to right as seen, they are labeled as guys 1 to 5.  They all look in their 20s (left side guy is probably in his 30s), and some get it right whilst others take the road that is so horribly off track:

Guy 1 (far left)

All in all, this man portrays his cuddly character, and this will endear him to the less sought after women out there.  With a few of stone diminished from his rounded frame, he could potentially notch his overall physical attractiveness grade up by half a mark or so.  Unfortunately, his lack of presence in this photo does him no favours to shoot above his league in female admiration.

As a short and overweight guy, the last thing he should be doing is raising his shoulders to show a level of nervousness.  He slips up by not relaxing in this way.  His can of beer is held too high, and the smile, whilst positive in terms of showing he is having a good time and displaying an illustration of someone you could have a good chat with, exceeds how higher calibre women would view him in a required sexual attraction manner.  However, on a plus note, his smile is not a picture that gives off too much exhilaration.

Ceremony position: 3rd place

Guy 2 (second left)

Whilst neither ugly nor good looking, a drop in the middle average looking man has the biggest bang for buck facility to impress women in a male group photograph.  This guy throws that apparent luxury down the toilet with his next piss.  Simply put, there is barely a positive thing to say about this pose.  If I stretched to kindness and optimism, at least the smile isn’t too goofy or as wide as a German autobahn.  That’s the only non-detrimental aspect to this ludicrous stance.

He replicates the silly “thumb up” sign that would be seen by one of the Inbetweeners cast.  Bad move.  He edges forward to look shorter than he is, his beer can is also held too high, and he basically looks too pleased to be there.  Women would have been indifferent at first sight.  After a closer look, he will be thrown into their garbage recollections with all the other thousands of uninspiring men.

Ceremony position: Last place

Guy 3 (centre)

As the stand out feature of the group (best looking, most stylish, joint tallest and in bodily shape), this guy actually has the most to lose and least to gain out of a website gallery photo.  As women already see an eye catching specimen, there is little he can do to enhance his image, but he sure can stuff it up if not on the money.  With “golden boys” who apparently have it all, nearly all women are waiting with baited breath for him to mess it up and give them reason to not date him and rule him out as boyfriend material.  Women like men who are not easy to capture, but they are equally at unease with men who come across as unattainable.  The balance is a fine one.

Unfortunately for the haters, this man holds an almost perfect attitude and posture.  Fair enough, I could nit-pick and say the glass is slightly tilted, but he does hold it at the corrective waist level.  He maximizes his height, and his shoulders, unlike guys 1 and 2, are completely relaxed.  But most beneficial of all, his facial expression is in the production of a mild smirk.  Nobody can accuse him of looking miserable, but he sure doesn’t look too thrilled to be there either.  Everything in this man shows a reflection of mystique, confidence, apathy, and a slight edge to his character.  He keeps a female onlooker intrigued and interested. 

Ceremony position: 1st place

Guy 4 (second right)

Although this pose is slightly more efficient than guy 2, the problem with staring into space is that it offers very little leverage for projected female attraction onto him.  By not looking into the camera lens, it can also be construed as self-consciousness and a lack of confidence.  Once women (women worth having) see a man lacking confidence, it is game over unless he has something else in enormous amounts to compensate. 

Granted, this pose may not lose him many fans, but remember that as a man who is only average in overall physical attractiveness terms, he really needs to do something that strikes women’s eyes rather than offer nothing more than their passing glance.

If you look at his right leg, you will notice that this stance loses him about an inch in total height.  As an average looking guy with receding hair (although he takes the best option by shaving it), he should be optimizing his best asset - that is height.  The bottle is held too high once more, and I’m not a great supporter of placing an arm around a buddy.  That said, at least he holds the guy to his left in a manner where he is the more dominant, as opposed to a nancy grip around the waist.

Ceremony position: 4th place

Guy 5 (far right)

This man proves how, if you must smile with teeth showing, then it’s not a bad compromise to proceed with.  I’m a firm advocator that men should only show their fangs on isolated photograph situations, and if you must feel the need to smile then do it very mildly (slightly more than guy 3, but not close to the level of guys 1 and 2).  Nevertheless, in the case of this man it isn’t too strong a glee to suggest weakness or discomfort, so a tick in the box can be given on this occasion.

He is facially a very decent looking man, and I would predict he comfortably sits in the top 3% of eye catching males on a random night out.  In truth, he is perfectly placed to attract most high end cute women and low end hot women, as he neither borders on the indifference they feel with run of the mill looking men, yet he likewise isn’t too daunting due to his average body.

Yes, his glass is held a few centimetres too high, but this negligible slip won’t live long in the memories of women.  He stands upright, and he doesn’t repay the arm hug to the other guy.  It would appear his mate is fonder to be in his company, and this elevates guy 5’s overall value to female spectators. 

Ceremony position: 2nd place

Whether by accident or deliberation, notice how much more dominant guy 3 is in being positioned centre of the group.  Sure, he may just so happen to be the most physically blessed, but people’s visions are naturally inclined to look in the middle of an image, portrait, picture or scene.  If you can’t go centre, go to the far end.  As a similar analogy to being interviewed, you should always aim to be first or last on the list of candidates.  Human instinct is fundamentally born to recall what we love or hate.  The feeling of indifference towards someone or something is the mother of all obliviousness.  Women critique men harshly, and they forget men rapidly.  Don’t make it easy for them to deliver either move.

As a wrap to this post, it is important to understand how men and women view the opposite sex from a picture alone and with nothing else to go on.  Within the photograph of all 5 women above, I would expect the majority of men’s eyes to immediately project onto the woman in the centre.  I would also place big money on the same majority of men – of all male shapes and sizes – being most partial to date and sleep with this woman in preference above all the others.  Simply put, nearly all men would find her, and say she is, the most physically attractive.

Now go back to the group of men.  Nearly all women will find guy 3 as the most sexually attractive and arousing.  If placed upon a lie detector so their egos couldn’t stand in the way of the truth, this same proportion of women would verbally say so too.  However, only a small segment of this majority would choose to date, or even sleep, with him over the other men. 

This would be a rough split to how women (aged between 18 and 45), if forced to choose one of the men, would select their long term partner if all else was equal:

  • 60% would choose guy 4.  This is because he is less physically attractive than over half of women in this age bracket, but he still has height and average looks for them not to frown upon him.  Even a reasonable number of women who are lesser looking than him would still find him attainable, as they live in the knowledge he isn’t going to walk around being a babe magnet.
  • 20% would choose guy 5.  Expect the lion’s share of cute and low end hot women – around 10% of women aged 18 to 45 (of which most are cute) - to pick him out.  This is because a hot woman of 8/10 looks rating likes the thought of being with a desirable man, but still a man who does not taking public viewing away from her.  Cute women would also find him attainable, because once glamoured up they would be convinced they are marginally better looking than him.  Even a small segment of more courageous women, albeit women who are below his physical allure, would prefer to grade up to him rather than grade down to guy 4.
  • 10% would choose guy 3.  Although he is more physically attractive than 99% of women in relative gender terms, this doesn’t simply mean only 1% of women are willing to venture on with him.  There are a small percentage of women who do place maximum emphasis on male looks, and their consequential sexual inclinations, above any other male desirable factor.  Women prevalent for these tastes do tend to be, by and large, no older than 23, but some can be in their late 30s or 40s too.  Although they make up such a tiny segment of the overall female population, many of the hottest women (>8.5/10) will also be prepared to date a guy like this, as they are confident of being that bit more visually pleasing than him – such is the greater status and impression that female beauty holds over male aesthetic value.   
  • 10% would collectively choose guys 1 or 2.  This percentage is partly made up from tiny numbers of women who do have genuine fetishes for heavier or skinnier men, but the more likely result of women who know they can only live a day in a life with a man who possesses hardly any other female admirers.       

What explains this gender differential you may ask, when only appearance is at people’s judgment disposal?  Pure and simple, men are visual creatures, and they pro-act with what their sexual predilections draw them towards.  On the other hand, women do not take comfort in men who are above their own looks scale, and they form reluctance to concede that a man is above them or he is unattainable.  To take it one step further, men run with physical organic feelings, whilst women chase with differing emotions.  If a woman attains low confidence, high insecurity, high self-consciousness, low trust thresholds and magnified egoism, these traits are mixed into a manifested melting pot to form ingredients that produce a recipe known as placing safer bets.