“As much as you try and control your life, life remotes it for you.”
across this comment when searching for a song (this song is nothing other than
a running joke of music theme my former boss and I consistently go through)
which stood out in terms of amusement, genuine sympathy, and further
reinforcement to what I have known for years.
"This song is really damn good. I'm 33 and single still, no kids. I hopped on my motorcycle last weekend and just thought about everything I've gone through, with this song in my earbuds. I've always felt that my patience will pay off. Even with that said though, at my age, I can't shake the feeling of my window slowly/steadily closing to have a family of my own or the possible realization that I may always be alone?
I often think about what I'd give to have someone to come home to, to hold in my arms, to keep safe and to share my experiences with. It's hard not to feel lost at times when I'm on my own. It's for these reasons I choose to ride and let it all go. My job, my responsibilities, my loneliness, longing for that partner that compliments my feelings.
I suppose if I can't find that happiness, I can go and get lost on the bike and pursue it through my hobbies as a means of escape. Sometimes, going and getting lost, is where we actually find what we were looking for, which is the self discovery of who we truly are. To all of you that have found your soul's counterpoint in another, I envy you and truly hope you never lose it. To those of you still searching for that love, I hope you too find that one day, are able to experience it and hold on to it, because you deserve that.
However, even if it never comes, I know we'll be okay, because happiness comes from our heart and being a good person, stems from maintaining our self worth but most of all, loving ourselves. No matter how many failures we experience, may we never stop reflecting.... and never stop working towards that ever elusive goal. For I feel that a good man will always evaluate what's happened, so he can apply what he's learned. Until then, I will work to improve myself in healthy ways. I will continue to bide my time and wait as long as it takes."
A past comment that never leaves my mind
One of the OG writers regarding female emotional psychology once came out with a phrase which will stay with me until my dying day or the day I enter dementia, whichever arrives first. Do not hold me to the exact words, but his phrase was pretty much:
“Men are the real romantics. Women are the opportunists.”
At that exact moment, I had to digest the words to establish precisely what he meant. Bearing in mind I was much younger than said writer, in addition to only starting my journey on this line of subject, it took me a little longer back then in comparison to what is second nature today. Nevertheless, even then it did not take me more than a few moments – as a manufacture of life experience and general observation – to break the words down in unreservedly comprehending what he meant. In essence, the words are categorically accurate to the real world. Conversely, In societal belief and propaganda, the words are absolutely what members of the politically correct society do not want a man to believe are true and real in practice.
Because the politically correct way to drip feed this concept would be one of this kind:
“Women are romantics. Men need to do much more to be romantic and live up to women’s romantic standards.”
Has it always been this way?
The simple answer to this question is, no, it was most certainly not always this way. When men were real men, and women were much nicer, not fake, and far more sincere than they are now (think of your grandparents’ era, or parents if they sat in such generation), the roles were much different.
· Men were hard, and resistant to show any weakness. Women were vulnerable and soft.
· Men were masculine, concurrent to women being feminine. Women were respectful (and often afraid, in perhaps a healthy way of trepidation) towards men, and men took control of their female partners’ conduct.
· Men ridiculed and talked down (which I did not like to see) to women, and a woman would not say boo to a goose in the face of her man in fear of the consequences which would come her way.
· Far fewer women would be unfaithful to their boyfriends and husbands than the inverse.
Now compare this to today’s world, which has been escalating steadily in trend over the last few decades and prior.
· A much larger percentage (maybe even the majority of men below the age of forty) are soft, weak, and passive, whilst a much greater number of women have become dominant, unlikeable, and over-expectant.
· The average level of man has become much more feminine, whilst the mean level of woman is now much more masculine.
· Most men fear arguing, talking back, or putting a woman in her place, yet women have gone the reverse way in ridiculing and criticizing men – often in front of other watching people.
· As many, if not more, women are now unfaithful to their male partners in relation to men performing the likewise infidelity.
With the above in mind (granted this is a generalization as opposed to the entirety), it is little wonder why you see what you see today. In easy summary, men have become afraid of women, simultaneous to women being far less respectful towards men.
A word on the commenter
As I stated within the introduction, I actually sympathize with the commenter. At 33, you would like to think he has enough years of experience with both women and life in order to not get apparently down about being alone. Sure, he attempts to place perspective at the end of his comment, but he is not fooling me. He is clearly a little more desperate to meet a woman than his concluding perspective will fool others.
You would like to think he has seen the ups and downs of life, and most importantly that he has realized being without a woman brings about as many (and in reality, more) positives than it does negatives. I do not for a single second think he has thought about it like that.
Unfortunately, his language strikes me as the perennial man who has travelled through a naïve and uneducated (in the education and comprehension of women) life in understanding how it might actually not be quite as bad as he believes it to be should he not locate his female soulmate. He comes across as a bit too trusting of women, rather than being on guard to the realities of what might happen if wise choices are not put in place.
And in a strong way, his words epitomize the whole reasoning behind this post. His words illustrate and emphasize a man who romanticizes in love, finding his soulmate, and living happily ever after. His words further reflect, to me, a man who has not spent much time fully digesting all the unhappy couples out there, irrespective of those who have already split up. If he has not analysed it in this respect, there is no chance he has evaluated the reasons why so many couples are unhappy together or have parted ways.
So, who are the romantics?
This then begs the question, who are the true romantics, and if it is in fact men, and not women, what role do women play in the whole romantic bubble? Allow me to elaborate…
My view is that, as time has changed and evolved, women have become far less into the organic thought and practice of loving a man with sincere, natural and unconditional emotion, and instead have progressively placed a priority (even if often more subconscious than conscious playing out) on how they will feel about themselves when being with a man, in addition to how he can improve her life. Life for women from many decades or centuries ago was always about survival first and foremost, therefore an argument could be made that things have not changed in this respect, but in today’s world it is a much more contrived strategy to get there. My inclination tells me that, way back when, women just strived to find a man and run with the ball, so to speak. There was not as much calculation beforehand.
Consequently, women have become less romantic in terms of the thought of loving a man before any prior motive. This is where the OG writer is coming from. Love, or the genuine inclination to love a man based on uncontrollable biology, is far less common. Opportunism – and providing a more financially secure and status whoring life for herself – is far, far more common, to the point where it is now majority cases in the western world.
As a further consequence then, it is a fair point to put forward that because women have become less romantic, men have evolved to be more romantic. It is almost like a changing of the guard in romantic thresholds, yet strangely the depth of the ocean is the same. Whilst women have droughted the romantic sea level, men have pissed in it to maintain a similar topography.
Q-tip: Society in the western world is designed to brainwash men (and women) into believing that women should be provided with the best life a man can provide for them. We are manipulated into thinking men should do everything that is required to get that respective woman to her destination.