Sunday 24 May 2020

Men’s race impacting on women’s choices

“It’s difficult to map out your life when life maps it out for you.”

I think I’m reasonably placed to touch on this subject when it comes to analysing how women may, and do, carry out their decision making in respect to male relationship, fornication or potential marriage aspects with regards to his race, and to a lesser extent, his ethnicity.  As a mixed-race man who writes a blog predominantly on female emotional habits and trends, allow me to continue.

Although my late father was an immigrant to the United Kingdom from a little above third world African country, and my mother was raised from a relatively poor working class British background too, somehow they managed to raise my brother and I in a middle class (slightly below middle class) suburb in Derby.  Much to do with this was the financial support my grandparents (from my mother’s side) gave them to step onto the property ladder, and my Dad consequently worked all the hours available to put food on the table and shoes on our feet.  Both my mother and father, in different ways, were great examples of being good parents.  They were lousy examples of being a good wife and husband.  Maybe there hits a critical point - it is easier to be a natural parent in life than it is to be a competent spouse.  I digress...

The consequence of being brought up in a middle-class area was being an exceedingly rare non-white skinned kid that stood out like a sore thumb.  Or maybe this was just coincidental to the suburb (there are many deprived suburbs in Derby with high white populated contingents)?  As this mixed-race young boy trying to fit in as best possible, there were days when I felt it was a case of living in a world on my own.  From blurry recollections, I think a couple of years consisted of never going a day without thinking about the colour of my skin.  For the record, I’m a quarter African black descent, a quarter Indian origin, and half white.  With this in mind, the idiots back then never quite knew whether to ridicule me with racist names that began with “N” or “P”.

The irony is I spent nearly the first half of my life wanting nothing more than to be white skinned, yet more than the second half of my life treasuring not being white – and the stand-out, uniqueness and intrigue it produced in being of a mixed-race complexion.  I remember having a conversation with my mother when I was about fourteen (around the time when my self-consciousness of this matter had reached peak point), and she pointed out that one day I will realise how my colour is actually a blessing.  I didn’t believe her at the time.  How right she was though.

Do women choose men based on race preference?

The United Kingdom still has a race demographic where nearly nine out of ten people are white.  This naturally means that from a general perspective it is most relevant to judge how white women would choose men, if all else (wealth, social class, intelligence, personality etc) is equal.  This is my view:

·       60% of white women would prefer to be with and choose to be with a white man.  Although we live in a far more liberated and accepting world, the sheer familiarity and social network they have been brought up with brings about an innate mindset that is difficult to change.  Whether we like it or not, a lot of young women still have prejudiced parents who will influence this mentality.
·       30% of white women are indifferent either way.  Most will naturally end up with white men on the law of averages alone, but this isn’t to say they would only date, and settle down, with white men.
·       8% of white women prefer non-white men, but they would with content (or sometimes reluctance) be with a white man.
·       2% of white women firmly prefer non-white men.  With great reluctance, they may later down the line settle for a white man in place of loneliness.

If I’m not far off the mark with this view, a view which would be denied by women no doubt in order to hold down their integrity and morals, then as you can see a majority of white women will still only go for white men.  A decent sized minority are easy either way, whilst a small segment is aroused and attracted by the thing that’s a little bit different to the norm.

Does this align with observational evidence?

Absolutely it does.  Even today, I don’t see too many white women walking hand in hand with non-white men.  As mentioned earlier, a lot to do with this is the percentages alone.  If nine out of ten women are white and nine out of ten men are white, it doesn’t take a genius to work out that unless a huge number of white women abstain from being with white men because of their distastes towards their male race equivalents (which is certainly not the case), most white women will find their ways to white men. 

Going further afield in having visited many countries across the world, I see very little difference elsewhere.  I would go as far to say that based on my four visits to the United States over the last decade, the times my eyes saw mixed-raced couples on a percentage basis were less than the UK.  Europe comes out pretty much the same as my homeland.  Australia?  Maybe a touch more to be fair than the UK or America, but not in huge differential terms. 

What if all else wasn’t equal?

On the back of my mentioning of America consisting in less pronounced numbers of white women with non-white men, I remember mentioning this topic to my mother many years ago when I returned.  She agreed, and she added that the times you do see it they are isolated by and large to the land of famous.  I think what she was alluding to, or as good as saying without quite wanting to say it (as a white woman herself), is that a lot more white women would go for non-white men if fame and money (or at least more financial security) was on the table for them.

Then I bring it back to the UK in terms of the same high-profile spectrum.  This is completely the same.  As a ratio basis, I’d estimate that seeing white women in the celebrity pages with non-white men is at least five-fold greater than in the “real world”.  So ultimately, if non-white men could offer white women at least the same economical blessings, many more white women would go for black, mixed-race and/or (less so) Asian men.

Many women would like to date a white man and black/mixed race man concurrently.  This ideology would allow them to acquire the dependant, reliable, stable and provisioning attributes that are accustomed to white men, whilst they accomplish the better thrills, unpredictability and often physical attributes instrumental to men of black race or mixed-race.

Black, Indian and mixed-race women

It’s near on impossible for me to cover every single female race, therefore I’ll offer a few thoughts based on my experience of the above.

I must be honest and say I’ve never been in a relationship with a black woman.  People of black heritage only represent 3% of the United Kingdom, so this may have a large part to do with it.  However, I think this goes deeper than percentages alone.

I’ve spoken to a gym buddy and good friend I train with whose parents are from St. Kitts and Nevis – hence he is of Afro-Caribbean race – on this, and he agrees with my theory in conjunction with his first-hand greater experience.  I stated that there are far more black men who go for (and sometimes only go for) white women than there are black women who would go for white men.  This will go a long way to explain why there is a large pool of single black women out there.

Women of Indian heritage are quite close to my heart.  They only account for just over 2% of all women in the UK, although in Derby there are more than a few villages which appear highly dominated by people of Indian origin.

The reason I say they are close to my heart is that I receive more direct attention from Indian women than any other female race, even though there are nearly forty times more white women in my local fields.  I find that young Indian women fall into two contrasting categories.  They are either completely shy and timid – to the level of white women perhaps without the high ego and attitude – or they are very forthcoming and confident in approaching and complimenting me.  If you find the right one, they are exceptional loyal, faithful and girlfriend material women.

I believe I receive a lot of attention from Indian women because they are fine-tuned to think I have a stronger Indian heritage than in actuality.  This is all the more common when I have a tan.  Many come across quite disappointed when I tell them I’m half-white and a quarter black.  I believe their attraction onto me is because I offer them the balance between not desiring to date a white man (as many Indian women don’t) yet away from the mundane full Indian guys they are accustomed to day in and day out.  In a way, I’m their version of a bad boy without them straying too far away from their father’s disapproval. 

Finally, onto mixed-race women.  Again, they are so few and far between that it is hard to draw extensive and thorough trends.  As a synopsis, I have found mixed responses and consistencies in their habits in terms of both interaction with me and men in general.  It’s a 50/50 thing for me.  Some strive for a black or mixed-race man, whilst others prefer the white guys out there.

A final thought

As I've alluded to on this blog in the past, I'm pretty sure one reason I give women irritable feelings, combined with messing with their emotions, is because white women can justify going for white men - white men who they likely don't find as sexually arousing as many black or mixed-race men - on the basis that the average white man, despite his lesser physical attractiveness, offers them a far greater life in non-visual metrics.  So when a woman then sees a black or mixed-race man she is sexually aroused by, yet his occupation, assets and charisma are over and above the white man she is with, her rationalisations, in that moment at least, have been eradicated and washed down the drain.  I'd expect, if she is with her white boyfriend or husband in that particular moment, he spends the next few minutes wondering why she has (in a heartbeat) flipped to a bitchy mood.


Sunday 10 May 2020

Negating women’s sassy and self-complimenting comments

“Don’t feed the beast that already has an oversized belly. 
Feed the creature who lives hand to mouth first.”

In a world where for the last decade at least (bearing in mind a couple of generations that gradually fed it prior, dating back to the 1970s feminist movement) women have been given too much free licence in life in the form of a lack of accountability or responsibility of their actions, over-supplicating and applauding lapdog men who have no idea in how to handle the female existence, a shortage of true leadership and guidance from both parents and male partners, and insincere complimentary actions from men and female counterparts on social media platforms, it is very little surprise that men (in particular sought after men) will face sassy and self-complimenting comments when interacting with women.  The higher quality of the man, the more likely he is to encounter these comments, because women will feel a greater need to simultaneously peg these men down a step or two whilst reluctantly knowing they feel inadequate alongside him, in comparison to the lion’s share of men who they feel superior to up until their (women’s) mid-thirties.  Lo and behold, even a minority of women past this age still act this way.

Prior to lockdown, which now seems a million years ago, when it was actually permitted to walk up to women you were attracted to and pull her hair as a part of early banter, I met a woman who naturally struck my attention.  She was a rare mid-range hot girl in my local area of 8.5/10 (8.75/10 at an absolute push), and when I engaged in conversation I could sense her immediate liking for me and receptiveness.  She pointed out early on that she hadn’t been in a relationship for nearly two years, to which I responded that I like girls such as her who don’t just hop from one boyfriend to another for the purpose of validation and fear of loneliness, and in contrast they would rather be single for longer if it meant waiting for the right guy.

She was 23 at the time, although I thought she looked 25 or 26.  She thought I was 26, to which I just smirked and asked her if she was some kind of age guessing genius, although in the first couple weeks I never told her I was in fact in excess of ten years older than her.  If they don’t ask directly, why tell?  Unfortunately, it didn’t take long for her to somehow find out, which by no mean coincidence coincided in when she started to cool off.

When I came clean, this is (give or take a word or two and correcting her grammar) what she came back with:
“Hey, thanks for the message, it explains a lot.  I didn’t realise your age and it is a massive no for me.  I know you don’t want to hear this but your brother is older than my Dad so it makes me feel uncomfortable so I would rather we didn’t speak again.  I hope you find what you’re looking for though, sorry x.”

First and foremost, don’t believe the bullshit that she didn’t realise my age.  The reason she, or women generally, would claim this is because they could not bear the thought of admitting they did some research on man to find out more on him.  This would show she is/was interested, perish the thought (in a female ego driven world where they need to believe he is more interested in her than the inverse).

It would have been easy for me to just not respond to this message.  Most men, and the former me included, would have thanked her so much for the explanation in hope that one day she changes her mind in realising what a great guy I am.  What I did, a few hours later, was respond with this (give or take a couple of words):
“Wow that means he was 18 years having you before my brother’s first, let alone his youngest!  No need to apologise at all, I’m sorry you thought I was so young and yes agree we’ll stay out of each other’s way x.”

There are a few pointers here which negated her sassy comment, and put her back in her place:

·       Her comment about her Dad’s age was a concurrent attempt to dig at me and compliment herself.  She was basically construing I was too old whilst endorsing her youthfulness, and her family’s young age in relativity.  By me shooting it back in years context of when to have kids, I fired two bullets from one trigger.  First, it illustrated how my brother had his freedom, independence and fun days for as long as possible, and then had kids.  Second, it alludes to how her father having princess at an age before his 19th birthday was a waste of his youth. 
·       Although I’m not an advocator of men saying the word “sorry” to a woman often, in this case it worked because effectively her insincere “sorry” was a way to make out I’m losing out on such a prized asset as her.  Again, a self-compliment.  By flipping it to me being the one who should apologize, it makes her think that I’m actually not going to lose any sleep over it.

Q-tip 1:
Women rarely apologise or say sorry with sincerity.  There is usually something for them to gain by saying the word.

·       I apologised in her thinking I was (hence I looked) younger than she thought.  Women are very crafty at complimenting their youth between the age of 18 to 23 (and women will do this at an older age too if they are accompanying men who are older), but the reality is most women don’t physically age very well.  Not many women look younger than their birth certificate shows.  Again, I turned her sassy comment into an actual compliment to myself.
·       By me firmly agreeing for us to stay out of each other’s way, it once more shows it’s no skin off my nose.  Deep down for ego purpose, she would have loved me to respond with words to the effect of me wanting to still talk when we collided.  Always be a man who can easily walk to the next project once the last project has finished.

She never came back with anything, which tells its own story.

A woman self-complimenting

Nevertheless, if the above anecdote is based more on sassy comments on a woman’s behalf mixed with cryptic self-complimentary messages, you will also face times in your life when women will make far more unhidden and unapologetic direct self-compliments.

A good few years ago now, I was in a medium-term relationship with a low-end hot woman who was, ironically, turning 28 a couple of days after the day of this story. She was an 8/10 in physical attractiveness, but she thought she was a 9/10. I sense part of this over-leveraged self-grade was down to a mother who had given her false hope and expectations in life, but also her recent claim that she had the opportunity to date a millionaire shortly before I came onto the scene.

Towards the back end of the relationship (we were together for just over six months), we went to an all-day wedding of one of my close friends.  After the day event had closed but before the evening room was set up, the party of around a hundred adults only all went to the venue bar for some interim drinks.  One of the groom’s friends was there with his wife, and as we stood waiting to be served at the bar she started looking and smiling at me whilst my girlfriend was alongside me.  She then started to compliment my look, stating how gorgeous I was and that I should take up modelling.  I could sense the amalgamated look on my girlfriend’s face of trying to look happy but struggling to hide the anguish.

When the two us went for a sit down a few minutes later for some private time, my girlfriend started to subtly dig at me in saying I should have paid for a room at the hotel in order for us to freshen up.  I was unemployed at the time!  She then went on to say:
“I don’t think you realise how lucky you are to have me.”
This was repeated by her a couple of more times in the conversation.

It is times like this when I would love to rewind time and be the person I am now back then.  Whilst I do not recall agreeing with her, I do remember just trying to appease her and making her happy.  This is what I should have said:
“Sweetheart, let it be said I’m happy to be with you, but I’d be lying if I said I’m grateful and lucky to be with you.  I mean, you heard the woman a few minutes ago and what she said about me.  I bet she does not say that about many, if any, men.  So whilst I am happy to be with you, in supply and demand terms I can’t say I’m lucky to be with you unless you want me to lie, which I’m not prepared to do.  But I will meet you halfway and say we’re equally lucky to have each other.  Happy with that, babe?”

The purpose behind the above is negating her self-compliment.  It isn’t nasty, it cannot be proven to be jerkish (although of course a lot of it is meant with amusement inside), and most of all it brings her back to the wonderful world of reality.

Q-tip 2:
If a woman isn’t pegged back in her place early on in the relationship, the beast will just grow and grow.  Treat it like a nail in a tyre.  If you don’t puncture it in, the inflation gauge can give infinite pressure to keep driving to further destinations.