Can a man become more extroverted?

“Sing in the shower like nobody is watching.”

Reader Steve asks for some advice, formed on the back of this previous post, which I hope will benefit others too:

Man 5 here in that category? Where are u on the intro extro scale? Im an introvert myself. Not a big talker. Do u think one can convert oneself to extrovert and if u can give some how to? Altho i have improved a lot since finding game.

My response:

I'd say I'm a solid 8 towards the extrovert scale.  That is:

I’m confident in my own skin.  I’m at ease in standing out but refraining from an extravagant or "in your face" way.  I’m comfortable with people irrespective of gender, race, age, personality, etc.  I’m not intimidated or in awe by anyone (especially stuck up women). 

Like you though, I'm not a huge talker.  Don’t get me wrong, I do like to talk when the mood fits, but I feel far more in my comfort zone when in small groups.  I don't thrive on public speaking or vocalizing in very large gatherings, although I think this is good from time to time to challenge yourself.

If you are a born introvert, and let's not forget that the vast majority of people are, and this introversion is mainly personality based (hence you could be someone who can put on extroverted exterior, yet have no inner confidence at all), then it will be very difficult to move more than a couple of notches to the right side of extroversion. 

Nevertheless, there are ways that will allow you to gain a more extroverted character:

Life experience

Age will play a part due to simple life experience, or a lack of it.  As you grow through the years, you can draw from what worked successfully and what failed.  However, age can also make people more introverted, as they are more aware of failure and consequently doubt their worth in comparison to their younger and cockier self.  Women getting older will go through this self-doubting process, up until the point when they completely take themselves out of the competition.

Life tribulations

As a by-product to the above explanation, life’s tragedies can bizarrely allow more extroversion to creep into your make-up.  In my case it was hugely proportionated by a serious cancer illness, and the perspective this disease naturally brought about.  It allowed me to take a step back and assess aspects like my place and role in the world, how people viewed me, what I believed worked well or otherwise, wasted time on lost causes in conjunction to energy that could be spent elsewhere, and analysing what truly matters to me.  I guess, in an almost subconscious way, it allowed me to focus more on myself.  The biggest extroverts will, rest assured, be these selfish, independent and care-free souls of the earth.

Caring less

To ascertain a more extroverted demeanour, you will pure and simply have to care less what people think about you.  This isn’t to say you can go by the attitude of taking on the world by yourself, as this will only alienate you from the masses.  Even if the masses – hence ego driven women and blue pill believing males - annoy the hell out of you, there are far more benefits in getting them on side than rowing constantly in the opposite direction.  This can be implemented by unspoken knowledge, and without the need to be too nice and passive.  By caring less, this allows you to walk through life with the stress, self-consciousness and insecurity weight taken off your shoulders.  Free like a bird…

Dismiss the outcome mindset

As a follow on from the above, and nothing epitomizes this more than men who can become intimidated by women, you must erase outcome dependence and fear of rejection or failure out of your system.  It’s never easy, as the modern day is more exposed, judgemental and unforgiving than ever, but he who cares little about what the result is will be he who laughs it all off.  This ignorance to the “what might happen” obsession should once more enable you to enjoy the interactions, dealings, debates and misunderstandings with people, often leaving you with pity rather than aggression projected onto them, and to not become too determined by conclusions.  Art genres may be best served by a great beginning and end, but human interaction, if you hold desires to obtain the most out of it in a productive fashion, is all about what goes in between.

Not confusing extroversion with excessive verbal delivery

This is an important and overlooked part of an extroverted portfolio.  Many people will associate, wrongly in my view, that extroverts need to be the life and soul of the party, the leaders, and the dominating talkers of the group.  Whilst I accept a decent level of input is required to be perceived as extroverted, people who talk too much, too loud, too long without pause or waiting for others to respond, interrupt frequently, or are poor listeners come across as arrogant and self-obsessed.  There’s a fine line between portraying confidence and arrogance.  Famous men may be able to get away with this, and the highest status men in a corporation will do so likewise to a degree, but in 95% of situations this over-bearing style will not reap rewards.

This style is all the more unproductive when you are dealing with women who attain low confidence, because they will feel too inferior in comparison.  In generations gone by, this was the commonplace as seen – timid woman, with the bread-winning and dominating husband leadership.  I do accept this trend has shifted far too much to the wrong extreme in the last 15 to 20 years – lapdog men nodding their heads to women with egos bigger than their objective worth – but a balance is required. 

Men who stand out, and more pertinently men who are admired the most by women, are also great listeners.  It’s no good talking all the time simultaneous to poor posture or over-exerting mannerisms.  People judge others on body language and tone far more than what they say.  So for the quieter men out there, don't necessarily see this as a major weakness.  Use these efforts accordingly. 

Game/Red Pill awareness/Female emotional psychology knowledge

Yes, you’re absolutely right in terms of game and its side sisters improving your aspirations of extroverted mannerisms.  Why?  Game in itself, and the proactivity it installs in a man, offsets as many alpha male traits as feasibility caters for. 

Needless to say, the highest calibre men are extroverts in most character attributes.  I emphasize “most”, as it is rare for a man to tick every single extroverted box.  In my opinion, David Beckham, whilst one of the most desirable men (in the eyes of women and men) to be in the world, is an extrovert by visual delivery rather than instinct.  In other words, his look smacks out extroversion yet his persona could be interpreted as introversion.  He has naturally improved the latter over a course of high profile exposure, yet you can’t ever quite take oversight of the shy boy that never left him.  On the other hand, someone like Justin Timberlake or Will Smith do not stand out as much to the naked eye in respect to photo shot extroversion, but they carry out their body language, humour, verbal delivery and general character far more positively and memorably than Beckham.

Red Pill awareness also offers an easier transition to extroversion, as the painful truth that cannot be ignored from this literature derives in a clearer comprehension, even if not accepting it should happen, to how the true world plans out.  I believe most introverted men are a coming together of a stressed, nervous, head-scratching, question-asking, low-confident, anxious and bitter robot, and this is primarily due to never quite understanding why life is the way it is.

Finally for this section, knowledge of the way a female mind works in emotional, psychological and male selectivity aspects enables a man to take women less seriously, almost to the point where they cannot disrupt you like they once did prior to learning this unofficial degree course.  In truth, a couple of years learning about women will save you far more money, time and effort than the doctorate certificate and an 80 hour a week job costs to feed an unappreciative, over-expectant, self-entitled and  materialistic woman who is a perishable item in a world of millions who can replace her.  When the seriousness is removed from the automated belief that women need to be your priority, combined with knowing why they act the way they do, a relaxed approach to life is a firm grasp of reality.  Again, relaxation and a stress-maintained life manifests in extroverted deliverables.

Acknowledging the treasures of life

If you were to ask a hundred men what their greatest concerns in life are, and they answer honestly (as, unlike women, most men do speak from honest veins), I would expect the responses to be lion shared based on work, money and women.  Do you see a common link between the three?  I certainly do.

When you take into account all the above sub-headings and relevant explanations, it doesn’t take much to establish that men feel the need for women in their day to day life, women feel the necessity to be provided for by money (and far more than the basic essentials in this day and age), and money is the fixture of work.

But what if you were to take the first out of the equation in not thinking the be all and end all is a life-long soulmate with one woman?  If so, how important would money still be to you?  If not so much, would you feel the need to slave your guts off at work for just one woman, only for her to ask for more tomorrow?  Even if you are satisfied with the one woman you deeply and genuinely love, what’s the worst that can happen when you say “no” to her?

Furthermore, how worse off would your life be without that one special woman you saw in the fairy-tale movie as a kid?  Would it even allow you to accomplish more in life, without the hassle that goes with it? 

***** A final thought *****

I’m an advocator that the genes we are born with make up 90% of the person we are until our late teens/early 20s.  Some grab hold of their life at this point, some take longer and grasp it before 30 strikes, but others aren’t born with such courage, savviness or dedication to put the wrongs right, and they barely ever change for the better.

I don’t mind admitting that my late Father, god bless his soul, was one of the least confident adults I knew, and this view of mine has only been reinforced as I’ve got older.  He didn’t even have the confidence or social astuteness to come to my school parent’s evenings.  My Mum, although coming across as assured in her outside front, was faking it to a large extent.  This was probably to compensate for the lack of leadership from the male parentage side, but it’s only in later life that I took on board how she isn’t what I once saw.  So ultimately I was born with low confidence, and this made me an innate introvert.

But I learnt life.  I studied women - and watched what they did, whilst disregarding what they said until proven by actions.  I took a step back and realized I was almost by default, even if with reservation to ideology, destined to play the role that life designed for me.  I started to take life far less seriously, pretty much to the point where I now flirt with life and take the piss out of it when it turns its back.  I started to not care what people thought of me, and if they liked me for it then great, but if not it was no skin off my nose.  I abided by the “what’s the worst that can happen” mentality.  I refused to rely on anyone.  I valued independence and not answering to anyone more than ever, even if this meant the mass population construed me as unsociable.  They can say what they like, as ultimately the true interpretation is that I’m my own man and not a follower.  I gave less back to those who didn’t matter, yet this cost me nothing in return or retribution.   

All this may have isolated me to some, but it has transparently enamoured me to many more.  Because in a world where men are like clones, a bit of difference radiates a lot of attention, interest and intrigue.  I went from the obvious introvert (3 to 4) to the loosened extrovert (8).  I’m far happier for it.