“In life, if you let it, you can always come up with reasons to give up. But if you don’t, you might just find love in places you never imagined. In a new relationship, or in your work, or in your children. Whatever it is, just don’t give up on it. And if you don’t get it, you might get something better.” (One Tree Hill, 2008)
There will come a time in a good looking man’s life when he goes through a day spell with the kind of women he aspires to attain. He may paper over these cracks with a few easy one night stands with less physically attractive women, and he may even take on a couple of short term relationships with those who don’t exactly push his buttons. But he goes there anyway. When this process is repeated when he is not only handsome, but also high value, then it becomes even more confusing when searching for reasons to why he isn’t seen with a beautiful woman, or at the very least, a woman with his comparative looks status. Very few men in this position ever truly stop to think why this is happening, as they usually just abruptly put it down to these women choosing to be with men in luxurious wealth positions. Women rarely admit to the true reasons either, and the resultant consequence is this: two visually pleasing people from the opposite sex, that logic suggests would come together, but reality produces an interaction that prevents eventualities in reaching a second conversation.
We can all become a little insular when looking through blinkered eyes within situations in our own country of residence. Mine is England, and I’ll hold my hands up to often being like this myself. However, I’ve also travelled the world. Not as wide and far as many other people, but through sacrifices and not being intimidated to travel alone, I have seen my fair share of places. I used to think there may be cultural differences when it comes to how men and women find each other, and I’m sure there are, far beyond my knowledge of their cultures. However, one common denominator tracks all the above - so many physically attractive women are walking hand in hand with lesser looking men. I’m not talking extremely ugly guys here, but those men who are a couple of levels below the woman in looks comparison.
The first point of call here is to cover the cry of women out there reading this right now: that the world consists of far more physically attractive women than men? In a way I wouldn’t disagree with this. I would concede there are more 9/10 and 8/10 women from a random environment than their male equivalents. Below 8/10, and I think the spread becomes more even. Therefore, the first justification of - beautiful woman with average looking man - trend is these women have no choice but to date less attractive men, as there aren’t enough good looking guys to share around. Is this a fair point? Well, yes, to an extent. Another favourite argument for women is that, in their experience (often through perception rather than interaction), most good looking men are too obsessed with their appearance, they concurrently date different women, they have cheated, or they have no personality against the less visually striking males they meet. Again, granted, many handsome guys do have this arrogance, and they even think women will just approach them. Some do approach, but they are hardly ever the pretty girls.
Now remember, when reference is made to attractive high value men, not only are they physically attractive but they have charisma and personality to assist them. If they also have the benefit of wealth and occupational or status then they sit truly in the positive extreme of high value. So the above arguments from those women do not always hold as much general weight as they may claim in this respect. I guess the proof is in the pudding: how many women have rejected these kinds of men, only to find themselves with a bad boy or a nice guy the following week. In fairness, were they aware that he was high value at the time? Did he actually come across too extreme in his approach in these ways:
- Too friendly to overcome his fear of her perception of men like him – the result being a lack of challenge and perceived to be too attainable.
- Actually too arrogant in the first place? Or did she in fact feel a level of intimidation and a lack of value in herself? – the result being a perception of him being unattainable.
Even the most beautiful women can be insecure and self-conscious. Actually, beautiful women can be the most insecure and self-conscious. When we see this kind of woman during a night out, we may grade her between 8/10 to 9/10, although in my opinion the use of fake tan and over-lengthened fake nails can actually reduce her appeal. But she goes on her merry way in any case. When we see her at work, it may be slightly less of a grade, but she still looks hot. Now, see her in the morning. Suddenly she looks a 5/10 at best. This should always be the attitude a man must take when contemplating approaching a woman he believes is more physically attractive than him – her median looks rating of all three situations.
So who is she going to feel most comfortable waking up next to? Usually it will be an average looking guy. In contrast, the typical man who looks a 6.5/10 in the day may turn it up a little to 7/10 on a night out. Even taking into consideration his morning look (excluding hangovers), he will constantly look the same.
Taking away those who are self-confessed gold diggers, along with their proven or unproven perceptions of the good looking men out there (and remember, a woman’s unproven perception and belief will always be worth more to her than facts, truth, experience or reality), and we are slowly crawling our way to the real reason behind the choices.
What do women crave for the most in life? It isn’t sex or chocolate cake. No, it is attention and a need to feel valued. It’s important in this case to be aware that value consists of two parts:
- How she believes her boyfriend / the guy she is interacting with values her.
- How valued she feels in herself when with him (does she feel lesser value than him?)
Many good looking men can dig their own grave in this situation. They try to pump up their value by talking about themselves, often subconsciously, and consequently succeed in making women feel low value. The more attractive a man is, the more humble he has to be. But here lies his other mistake. Some can act too nice in hope of reassuring her she doesn’t need to feel intimidated. This is worse. A balance is required, but if it had to be one or the other, don’t take the latter. This is especially the case with the younger women. But the nice guys out there, average looking with beta mannerisms, can eradicate her insecurity feelings just by his mediocre look in itself. In the short term initial encounter, assisted by his abundant compliments and obvious infatuation, she eradicates her own low value and transforms it into high value. Even for a moment she’s become the princess once again that she was as a little girl. Beta males can hold an upper hand, especially when they are somewhere in her social network. It’s just that this kind of relationship isn’t built on emotional connection. It’s built on how it makes her feel in herself. And this good feeling for her can only go one way - towards a negative direction for the good of the relationship.
You will see many good looking guys walking down beach fronts, shopping malls, theme parks or bars, with just another male buddy. Sometimes he’s even alone. It’s a common perception from others that he has a stunning girlfriend or is just hopping from one woman to the next. Believe me, and I’m not only talking from my past experiences, this is far from the usual case. Most guys like this desire a woman as physically attractive as they are, as men have innate preferences to a woman’s visual appearance over and above any of her other metrics. But unlike an attractive woman in the inverse position, he has to fight this predicament of her insecurity, trust issues and egoism in not feeling the better looking of the two.
Very few women will confess to this, and who can blame them? It’s no different to an attractive man admitting he is having a dry spell. They both hide behind fake stories or economizing with the truth. But I believe the hardest part is admitting this is the case, closely followed by understanding the reason it happens. My main advice for any man would be to carry on approaching women they find attractive, and show them a genuine style without acting in either aloofness or a lack of challenge to her. If a woman is to reject you this way, don’t dwell on it, understand why it is, accept it is part of a woman’s life, take it as a compliment, and move onto the next one.
A fair point to pick up on would be how an intelligent man – as most high value men are – does not establish the reasons to how women make strange and unexplainable decisions throughout their lives. The easy answer would be to say that most of them are not observant enough to collate the historic information from experience, and they live in hope that the next woman who comes along will be so much different and logical. Another possibility to this none comprehension is the lack of inclination to discover trends and logics to how the female mind works. A man can be intelligent in general and intellectual terms, but the same brain in an emotional sense can get things constantly wrong. The emotional thought process we have is strong one, and it forces us to act away from our better judgments. So unless a man is consistently diving deep into discussion about female emotions and actions with other men – and as males, this is something that doesn’t come naturally – a manner of naivety is not beyond even the most astute of them.
Another possible method in securing information could arrive in the form of advice from a man’s parents. However, this isn’t an ideal or straight forward concept. Firstly, many fathers do not feel comfortable in talking to their sons about the opposite sex. Even if they did, most do not have the extensive knowledge, in numbers terms, of women and their complex emotional mentalities. It is also likely that by speaking in detrimental content towards females, a father will believe he is indirectly criticizing the mother. The reservation he has in distributing beneficial information to his son is mitigated by knowing this will save a potential family argument.
In respect to a man’s mother, she will be more aware of young women’s habits – in saying one thing and acting another way, reasons for them falling for bad boys, and why they do not appreciate a man to be too agreeable and passive all the time. In a similar way, the mother will not have had the wide access to the male portfolio in the way their daughters are positioned in, but they will be more aware of a young woman’s misdemeanours and choices than the respective father will be. Mothers to these sons will also have lived in the years of male dominated relationships: in economical, emotional and decision making terms. Nevertheless, by being too honest to her broken hearted and confused son, it will appear she is taking the male side of the argument. She may also have made these same errors of judgment in her own younger years, and she does not take inclinations in being a hypocrite. With all this in mind, she is far more likely to condemn the one woman who has incurred pain to her son’s heart, rather than give him general advice for the future in counteracting female subconscious interaction strategy. When all is said and done, a man can only rely on his own endeavours to face up to the painful truth with hard study. With the exception of assistance from a clued up older brother, or a helping hand from a street wise friend, men have no choice but to put in the hard hours of learning, and implement their actions in order to combat a lifetime of sustaining the same path of head scratching.
As a final thought, here’s food for thought of the typical thought process a woman will undertake:
A beautiful woman will have sex with a jerk, as deep down she holds a little power over him due to his lack of intelligence. The same woman will enter a relationship with the perennial nice guy, as she consciously knows she holds much power over him and he will appreciate her more. The same woman will reject a high value man, as she is aware she holds no power over him.
A man of high value is always aspiring to meet the woman who can apply him the offerings of both physical arousal and mental stimulation. In addition, he strives for this woman to have enough confidence and self-esteem to place precedent in finding a man who can give her butterflies - above safety or being treated like dirt. Those watching on can be fooled by their projection of thoughts from the face value of what they see in a high calibre man. What they do not see is the insecurities belonging to the women he wishes to pursue.