Sunday, 20 April 2014

Just how effective is it for men to wear commitment rings?

“Some deny, some confess, some lie, and some are more honest. 
And some people even spell out the reality.”

If you take the time, purpose and inclination to step outside of your own bubble and into the real world, you will start to notice how situations in the emotional world – and mainly how women behave in this sphere – go against the logic of innocent minds.  Within my peripheral vision, nothing epitomizes this more than how women look upon “committed men”.  So the question beckons: would a man be seen as more attractive and appealing if he wore a ring on the commitment finger?

I’ve only come across one useful and valid scientific study on this subject (see bottom of post).  It is far too long winded and dressed in science crap to digest over a casual 10 minutes of your life, so I’ll summarize for you:

  • A considerable higher percentage of single women find attached men more physically attractive than single men, if all else is equal.
  • Women in relationships show a marginal greater attraction to attached men over single men.
  • Men in general show no greater or lesser attraction towards a woman based on her relationship status.

My only surprise is that women in relationships do not also find men more appealing if they are already taken.  My hunch tells me, and I draw from first-hand experience over many years, that if they were pushed a little further in temptation, opportunity and proximity, they would, in general, sway more towards men who have proof of another woman’s love.

Due to the lack of worthwhile studies, I even chose to make the conscious cardinal sin in looking at views from internet forums.  Although some women appeared to tell the truth, the majority speak with their egos and instinctive integrity (integrity that is usually proved otherwise).  That is, men who wear wedding or engagement rings would be seen as unavailable, therefore there is no way a woman would accept any kind of invitation or initiation.  Once more, this is the easy answer to show their “moral” intents.  They would often act in a different way to the words spoken on this matter. 

In terms of the male comments, again, the language tended to be as you would expect from enthusiastic, but perhaps not transparent to detail, men.  They appeared over elaborate in their success with women when wearing a band, but men often make these kinds of mistakes.  They can be guilty of getting carried away with one success story that clouds over an array of indifferent or forgettable experiences.  We can all hit the bullseye on the first throw, only to fall short on a number of following attempts.  This is why it’s necessary to assess over an array of ventures in order to avoid comments absent of credibility.  Lucky for you, I can give you both honesty and experience to draw a more pertinent conclusion.

The portrait of a commitment ring is of course an illustration, true or otherwise, of male pre-selection.  It shows the female world that another woman, no matter how high or low quality she is (quality which is almost solely judged on her beauty), has validated this man as a desirable mate.  Women love men who other women want, and they thrive on the competitive spirit to prize him away.  This not only produces a challenge, but it would raise a woman’s own self-perceived importance level that she is a greater person.  So two men could look, dress, act, earn and offer in the exact same way, yet more often than not the one who has been pre-selected will project more value onto women’s eyes. 

This is a broad view, but the generalization is valid because the vast majority of men do fall into the average category in terms of physical attractiveness, personality, charisma, wealth and status.  There isn’t much to choose when you throw a large pot of random men in the ring.  Nevertheless, when considering the success of wearing commitment rings, nothing dictates the level more than a man’s blessed or not so luxury looks. 

Ugly Men

Although only a tiny percentage of men would be truly classed as being ugly, it cannot be denied there are some out there.  Needless to say, an ugly man without enormous amounts of other desirable metrics – mainly money and social status – is not going to attract a woman outside of equal ugliness.  He is certainly not going to turn the heads of cute and hot women.  With this in mind, wearing a commitment band should be hugely advised, because women do pick up on little things like this. 

Although it is unlikely to get their sexual buttons racing any more due to this one isolated piece of jewelry, they will be more intrigued to his life than before.  A woman isn’t going to jump into bed with an ugly man simply because she sees his pre-selection confirmation, but she is far likely to give him that bit more time to prove other parts to his game.  All in all, a display of a commitment ring for an ugly man will have no effect at worst and positive outcomes at best.  There is not one single negative aspect to an ugly man showing off a ring on the finger.

Average looking men

As over 95% of men fall into the average looking bracket, there are naturally differing scales of mediocre male looks.  It could be argued that a below average looking man would be best off leaning towards the process taken by an ugly man, and an above average looking man may be prudent to sway nearer a good looking man’s deliverables.  However, even an above average looking man is not going to strike that much more attention than a below average looking man when women are around, so this compartment can be treated as one.

Average looking men will, by sheer biomechanics of female sexual attraction, stay in the memory of passing women more than ugly men would do so.  But in the same way nearly all men will recollect hot women over all the hoards of other female candidates in any given social arena, almost all women will take oversight to any man who falls below handsome status where visuals are the only thing to go on.  With this consideration, any man of average looks is rarely going to cause women to have diverse feelings that can range from absolute infatuation to blatant hostility and jealousy.  All in all, an average looking man still needs to do something that furthers his value.

Although ugly men can certainly (and do) grade up with better looking women, there is almost always going to be a step too far to climb unless he can offer an abundance of money and social profile.  In other words, an ugly man will find it extremely difficult to track down a cute or hot woman.  This is not the case for an average looking man.  He can escalate above his own looks grade by potentially a couple of levels.  But outside of workplace scenarios – where earnings, power and potential can be illustrated, he still has to do something to stand out.

A commitment ring to an average looking man will rarely bring about any detrimental consequences unless it is in the face of a woman on his looks level.  If this was the case, some women could assume his “partner” (whether real or not) would be hotter than her.  But I can guarantee you that there will be far more women who take the other route in being more attracted to a man showing proof of love.  With all this said, there are far more benefits than drawbacks for an average looking man to wear a commitment ring.

Good looking men

This is where it all gets more complex.  Good looking men, due to their rarity amongst the whole male population, will acquire immediate attraction and intrigue from women with little effort required.  But whilst this is a hand-made luxury, the sexual attraction can often be turned into negative emotions.  Women, by and large, do not take kindly to men of eye catching parity against their own glamour ranking. 

Another obstacle good looking men face is the undeniable likelihood that most women have trust issues with men who are perceived to have the female society knocking on their doors.  They can be judged, with no evidence to show, to be poor boyfriend material, unwilling to commit or sexual players.  So even if a good looking man is a relationship seeking guy, he still has to knock down these barriers.

In cases of assumed unwillingness towards commitment, a ring can contradict this perception.  In addition, although pre-selection validation is not required anywhere near to the extent of an ugly or average looking man, it still holds more good than harm.  Women’s sexual emotions, even if not their egoism emotive side, still reluctantly force them to admire men who are surrounded by female pursuits.  A wedding or engagement ring shows both commitment and pre-selection, and ultimately this is what women desire the most.

Once women are past the age of 23, but also prior to this age with a good number of them, an ideal male partner is a man who combines both the proof that other women want him in conjunction with the comprehension he can commit with loyalty, faithfulness and consideration to her needs.  Not many women track down a man of this kind, because very few men fall into this bracket.  Ultimately, a very high proportion of women end up with a man willing to commit because he is not wanted by anyone else.  A small percentage of women who just cannot stand the thought of being with an unwanted man hedge their bets on hoping a wanted man will commit with her.  Rarely does this have a happy ending. 

The flip-side to good looking men wearing commitment rings is the presumed female thought that his “partner” will be hotter than her.  Why lay his table if he already has a more expensive dinner at home?  So a good looking man could approach a woman he likes, but she could reject his advances on the automated thought that he already has someone as attractive.  With their fragile egos all too clear to see, a woman may turn the hand before he even opens his mouth.

So the message starts off straight forward but then turns a little cloudy: 
  • Ugly men should wear a commitment ring all the time, in particular on nights out.  This act cannot harm one bit. 
  • Average looking men, although not reaping as much benefit on a whole scale basis, will have the most opportunities to utilize their pre-selection item.  Because average looking men neither repulse nor attract women to great extremes, a lean in the right direction is often all they require.  The advantageous outcomes of wearing a ring will outweigh the unlikely misfortunes by a ratio of 10 to 1.
  • As for good looking men, I would say, and I draw from personal adventures in the real life field, that it is a flip of the coin in respect to whether a commitment ring can help or hinder.  Like anything else, you live and die by the decisions you choose to make.

If women are reading this in contemplating a similar strategy to attract the opposite sex, then think again.  Pre-selection, and the power it portrays, is not an attractive sight for men looking upon women as it is for women looking upon men.  No matter which way you look at it, the showing of a diamond ring on the engagement finger will hardly ever further enhance a man’s predilection towards you.  If he wasn’t interested in the first place, he will just simply be no more or less forthcoming.  If he is sexually interested, whilst a ring may not deter some men, it will sure not make them any more ignited in your presence.  The more likely outcome will be a reduced interest to make a move.  Emotional competiveness, pre-selection and a need to feel important (by prizing a committed person away from their loved one) are just not the daily required motivations for men, as they are for women.


Acknowledgements and further reading

Burkley, M. and Parker, J. (2009).  Journal of Experimental Social Psychology 45, 1016-1019.

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