“He who shows no emotion is seen by others as numb, tearless and care free to all obstacles thrown in front of his life. Little do they know he is the one who needs to unlock this pressure gage more often than anyone, as all he craves for is for his heavy head to be released from the responsibilities he carries on his weighted shoulders. And once alone, with the doors shut and keys hidden, he can finally be free to cry.”
I was a slow learner in figuring out what a woman’s attraction was magnetized towards. I don’t mind admitting that it took me until my mid 20s to realize the ways their minds ticked and how they were so different from men in this field. Sure, I knew there were those who leaned towards a guy with money, or even some who did genuinely prefer personality before any other aspect. But providing there was a group of men put in front of women, with similar backgrounds, intelligence and social skills, I thought they would always take preference towards the most handsome candidates. I guess it’s better to understand later, than never at all.
Looking back, my obliviousness and naivety is a hard concept to accept when I analyze it in my current life. I always had a strong fascination in other areas of the mind, whether this was in the form of observing attitudes in the workplace or the study of sports psychology. As my father was a complex man with an unusual background – who came from the first generation of immigrants to the United Kingdom in the late 1960s – I tried, usually in vain, to comprehend why he acted the way he did. With this in mind, it was slightly perplexing why I chose never to understand and learn the reasons behind female emotive decisions in a similar fashion. Like many men of today, they dress up in the fallacy those women’s bad choices, manipulations and cunning plans, even if usually subconscious, are a sheer coincidence to life.
Physical appearance will always be the most important male attribute to get attention with women when they don’t know the men on a personal level. With time constraints being the usual occurrence in social environments, a man’s looks are naturally what is most apparent and obvious to make an assessment on his sexual market value. However, good looks for a man can also hold disadvantages. Examples are negative perceptions, situations where she pre-rejects him due to jealousy of him being good looking, or an imperceptible, hostile and uncomfortable disposition of feeling lower value than him. A physically attractive man will divide opinion and thoughts of women from all attractiveness scales, but he will usually have more opportunities to show he is a decent guy, or at least make her believe this. An average looking man, in a situation where a woman doesn’t know him, has only a limited chance with women better looking than he is unless he displays a level of confidence, persona and interaction strategies that are greater in appeal than his natural mediocre looks.
However, there is another average looking male there to compete with. So far, the blog has placed the most emphasis on the three different types of men who compete for attracting women:
- Beta nice guy
- Bad boy jerk
- High value man
The sugar daddy in also placed in there somewhere too, although this kind of man is far more secluded. No, there is a much more common player in the league. He is the status man.
The status man is the guy within the workplace, and someone most people will have come across in at least one establishment they have worked for. He’s usually anything from below average to average in physical attractiveness. This is only true because if he was good looking he wouldn’t need to rely as much on his status to acquire female interest. Quite often, but not always, he is older than his male competitors, as it can takes years to reach a high level within a company. He tends to attain an element of arrogance to his personality, and this is leveraged through the power projected from him that is felt by others within the company. It is fair to say many extreme beta males also acquire a high company position, but from my experience these men find the classic settled woman, they marry early on, and they never look elsewhere. In truth, it is the cute office girl’s perception of his bad boy stigma that triggers her initial draw. Outside of the office, the status guy has limited attraction, as without the authority of his position he has very little else to offer. Once placed in a bar or health club, he really has no unique selling point to his sexual market value – as he holds a lack of identity or uniqueness to stand out in those arenas.
I worked for a construction company where there were hardly any women who worked there, and definitely no women of a high physical attractiveness. Then along came the new human resources woman, in her mid 20s, who visited our site at least once a week. The first time I saw her was actually when she was looking over in my direction, with a confident, yet awkward, smile. The next couple of times I saw she glanced in my direction on both occasions, although it did appear to be in a more reserved and distant manner. When I did finally engage with her, she made rejection reasons along the lines of having baggage from a recent ex-boyfriend, and that the time wasn’t right. I totally put my hands up and confess that these were the days when I acted as beta as humanly possible, and game was nothing more than a meaning of my football team’s next fixture. So to be frank, I probably would have failed no matter what due to trying too hard.
It turned out that the reason she gave me wasn’t the real reason at all. She had in fact just started seeing the factory manager. To put some context into how an attractive, young and fairly successful woman can find a status man desirable, this is the summary of him and his life at that particular time:
- Below average looking (5/10 to be kind - with awful acne skin)
- Two young boys aged 5 and 2
- Another baby on the way in 3 months time
- £60k salary
- Sports car
- Demeanour that highlighted confidence, slight arrogance and someone who stood up for himself
- 10 years older than the human resource woman
- He’d carried out the vasectomy operation
I’d like to think I’ve balanced up the positives and negatives in his life. There’s definitely a lot of baggage there, but obviously he also had some positive factors in his favour too. Within a couple of months, he had left his pregnant wife and two kids, he’d filed for divorce, and he’d bought a new house for the two of them to be together in.
So the begging question is: what is in it for her? What would make a woman like this think it is all worthwhile? I pinpoint it into these five factors:
Status / Image
The status shows influence and clout, and women within a company see these positive traits in their full glory every day. She could actually see a better looking guy at her local gym, who earns even more money than the status man at her workplace, but this is unknown to her. The status man is like the bad boy in her fantasy mind, with her forming a story in the dream to capture him. She sees the way he conducts himself in a confident manner, and she is melted by this. Because she sees these positive traits on a daily or weekly basis, the feelings grow, and he has a distinct advantage over a random guy she sees in a bar or a gym.
What she actually sees here is his earnings against all those other men in the company. Strangely, if in a poorly paid industry, he may well be earning far less than the self-employed consultant at her night class. But for now at least, she is living in the bubble of the company she works for, and she is only concerned that he earns more than the rest. In this situation, the psychology of status and image is actually a bigger pull than the rewards of money in itself.
Take another look at this man’s life - married, kids and pregnant wife. Now reverse the gender scenario, and if this was a man looking at a married and pregnant woman, with two children already in the fold, the word emotional baggage comes to mind. This would be the case for most men, especially higher calibre men in the sexual market field - unless they are completely desperate or have been lacking in sexual relinquishments for a year. So he would leave well alone, or just go for a short term satisfaction to suit his own needs and on his own terms.
Women are a different beast when it comes to situations like this. What a man sees as baggage, a woman sees as a challenge. She may have criticized a distant friend for doing something similar last year, or used despicable words to describe a man who leaves his pregnant wife, but the thought of knowing she has the pull and relative aptitude to capture a man from another woman, even in this situation, is the greatest conquest a woman can achieve in her mind. Not every single woman is like this. Some do have morals, and they would put them before their own satisfactions. Unfortunately, a lot of women would repeat this exact same act.
A woman very rarely carries out any process in her life without it having an element of attention needs attached to it. She may be infatuated by the guy, and she may seem a little awkward at first when walking past the managing director’s door, but never doubt the fact that she is enjoying the attention. She knows the office is talking about her, and deep down she likes this. To her, she believes her self-validation stock has risen. It is as if she is the star role in the office drama. As most women find it difficult to propel their own desirability to the watching public, this validation can be reached in their minds by securing a much higher status man.
Whist satisfying her desires of money, challenge and attention, along with being drawn in by the power delivered through his status, as he is an average looking guy she knows he will value her beauty and existence. With him valuing her in this respect, she believes she has higher value than him. There is enough challenge for her (unlike a traditional beta nice guy), but she can feel secure in herself to know she looks better in the picture frame. In a bizarre but explainable way, a very good looking man in the same high status position may in fact find it more difficult to secure this woman than an the average looking male equivalent. However, a good looking high status man within the company will be seen as a far more attractive proposition to her than a man below her own looks rating that she sees in the gym, a bar or the workplace. In simple terms: if status, power and dominance are on the same level, most women will opt for a man less physically attractive than they are. Nevertheless, a conscious awareness of a man’s positive status, power and dominance traits will help somewhat to erase her insecurities in being with a man of high scale looks.
It becomes clearer how a beautiful woman can find a man like this incredibly attractive and appealing. What’s in it for him? Let’s just say it starts in sex, and ends in “trophy girl”. To an extent, it is also validating his value to the world. Whilst he may not be great looking, or even excelled in personality or charisma terms, a man who secures a woman better looking than he is will believe he has succeeded. As weak as it sounds, this is how some men measure their worthiness. This act is most prevalent with the perennial status men in big cities.
Nevertheless, it’s more important to study the man himself, how he changes, and how it impacts on other men competing for similar women. The female mind is pulled in by the perception of his supremacy, ignoring the flaws of his lack of looks as a consequence. She’s further turned on by the challenge of capturing him in the early stages, with little concern of third party consequences. She sees alpha traits conveyed in him in terms of confidence, independence and someone who knows what he wants in life. His exploitation of control will get him there at all costs. Amongst the dozens of single beta males in her office who idolize her looks every day, he is the leader in the pack who is worth pursuing.
So everything that attracted her towards him was originated from alpha characteristics. But once captured, and over time, he actually turns beta within the relationship. Remember, this man was only acting alpha in his job, and he has conceivably always acted beta with his previous wife and ex-girlfriends. He brings home the pay cheque, he provides for the family, and he gets on with things. This kind of man will probably have limited dating experience, especially since he settled down early. Suddenly he finds himself with a younger and more attractive woman who he reeled in due to his working status. The problem now is that he has to keep her and sustain the momentum of the relationship. Fine, his confidence is high as he has secured a stunning woman, but his belief is that he has to maintain her interest in him in order for her to stay happy. He knows he’s not the best looking man she could get, and he knows she will see more handsome men every day, so he believes his best strategy is through expensive gifts, luxurious holidays and a big house. But the problem is that although he earns a decent monthly salary, he is far from a sugar daddy. Take off his custody, child allowances and divorce settlements, and suddenly there isn’t too much left to pay for his new girlfriend’s engagement ring. As every day passes, her level of challenge, attention and desirability in his status diminishes a little more. And the money isn’t as abundant as she once thought, because she never would have considered the bigger picture. Her material world is also one that doesn’t have a fairytale ending. He starts to frustrate her, and slowly but surely her eyes begin to turn to younger alpha males out there. She knows she isn’t getting any younger, she knows her sexual obsolescence is fast approaching – the main measuring metric of a woman’s sexual market value - and this older man is now not the great catch she thought he was when she first saw him swagger along the office corridor. But the poor man is desperate to keep her, so he takes on another credit card, agrees with more and more of what she says as days go by, and loses his independence (that she found attractive from the first day) in order to pay for her needs.
Although many women have imperceptible awareness of their sexual appeal peaking in their early to mid 20s, many women who work in the distinctive office environments – as most women do – will actually start to attain a higher opinion of their overall self-value. The reason behind this curious, but unsubstantiated, thought process is due to the large volume of moderate status beta males close to their vicinity. As men of this kind are known for supplication and sycophancy, it is little wonder the female ego will be inflated beyond the level of objectivity. Whilst women have no visceral feelings for these men, they are hardly going to decline the attention and compliments, therefore these workplaces only assist in making the world, in heterosexual relationship terms, a less happy place. In moderation, relationships between women and men are far more successful and destined for longevity when the former is challenged, tested and not treated like a princess by the latter. Nevertheless, these venues that are predominant in males acting this way further open the door for the higher status men - even if they are beta males themselves.
A story like this one rarely has a happy ending. The two of them just grow old and unhappy, or the once beautiful woman packs her suitcase and jettisons from the relationship. Sometimes even the man in this dynamic faces up to his mistakes. It becomes nothing more than an emblematic beta male with attractive woman dynamic. Basically, it is just another woman someone like me found desirable, only to later just feel emotions of pity. I swear on my late father’s life that I take no satisfaction in seeing people unhappy, even if they did hurt young children along the way.
Status, and the command it projects, is certainly not confined to the office dominated workplace - where women typically above the age of 23 hold rigorous lure towards these men. Although co-habiting environments that are widespread below the female age of 23 – mainly nightclubs, colleges and universities – are more with regard to inclinations of physical attraction above other sexual market value metrics, a male with high social status has instant identified validation and governance superseding any of his competitors. Someone only needs to observe the ways women are drawn towards football quarterbacks, club promoters, bartenders and DJs in illustrating evidence to how popular figureheads are considered. These men can be average looking or even ugly, but the proof of pre-selection due to being surrounded by attention seeking members of the opposite sex, in conjunction with the knowledge that a coveted girlfriend will escalate a woman’s perceived importance, propels a man in this position’s charm by significant volumes. Low paid male fitness trainers in health clubs can also elevate their attraction onto women, as they are seen as the centre of focus from women having a good time with them. Other women pick up on the smiles and laughter, and this reinforces their draw. Even in the night scene venues – where physical allure rules above all – a man in a commanding role who is nothing more than average looking will accomplish far more profit than a very good looking man who is blending in with the crowd.
It would take a foolish man to believe a woman claiming she cannot hold predilections to a man who is swarmed by women due to the benefit of his social status. If he hears words to this effect, it would be advisable to assume the precise opposite, because given an opportunity she would be by the side of a publicly widely held man without a moment of hesitation. Money only has negligible relativity to people’s fascination of a local, high social status man. Social status is a free passage to importance, external admiration, significance, positive reputation, local fame, and most of all, attraction.
As a final sub-plot to the story about the status man and the human resources woman, the ex-wife of his was being sexually pleasured by my friend some years ago. He would most likely have been babysitting at the same time as writing out three child allowance payments. I guess in the extraordinary way life works, the sexual market playing field does go round in circles.
Another great piece. Just wanted to let you know that after recently discovering your writings I eagerly read through the entirely of this blog, as I have yet to find a resource as tailor-made to understanding the situation of an attractive man as this one. Thank you for putting together such well-thought insights, as they resonate at a deep level with me as someone who is working on growing into himself and expanding into the world.
As a young (early 20's) guy who has come to realize from social interactions and direct statements from trusted individuals that he falls into the "highly attractive man" category, I have to say that the evolution of coming into my own as an highly attractive man has been a journey with both frustrations and deep revelations and I feel progressively more grounded as I come to understand myself and the social dynamics of women and society in a more realistic but empowering light. It certainly has been confusing at times, but I feel thankful for the personal evolution and social learning that have come as a part of living my life with an open mind, and your writing as an experienced guy in this subject has the voice to me of a mentor whom I find invaluable, so thanks.
At this point in my life, I feel like I could deeply benefit from a non-fling relationship with a mutually attractive woman who is not entangled by her ego-drive for attention and societal validation. I know you have said that humility and humbleness are the necessary cornerstones of self-expression as a highly attractive man, and I'd like to think that I'm generally a humble and unassuming individual. I envision a relationship of mutual appreciation with a girl who has transcended "the matrix" of ego drive. Given this desire, I've been on a directive to gain greater understanding of how an attractive man would go about finding this type of girl, a similarly attractive woman who sees the mutual benefit and appreciation of growth through a relationship with a man who happens to be attractive, without running away in ego defense.
My question Vi Nay, is how does a younger attractive man in this situation find greatest "success" based on your experience? What's the "game plan"? I'm interested in more than pure sexual gratification or enjoyment with validation-hungry girls, but as I've arrived at a new paradigm from your writing, I realize how society and its norms play into relationships and the male-female dynamic. It seems to me that generally, if you are a highly attractive guy who desires more than one night stands and short flings with attractive women of the attention-seeking bent, you must either wait until your looks decline somewhat with age (mid-30s+?) sufficiently to calm to instinct of these ego-driven women to run for the hills, or you must have a sufficiently high social status. But I guess these aren't really the types of girls I'm after anyhow.
What have you found beneficial in locating and identifying the truly stellar women who are attractive and unencumbered by ego? Women who fully allow themselves to be with you as a mutually attractive man. Is it purely a numbers game?
You have made some good points, and I can relate to your somewhat unfortunate predicament. Like you, and even in my late teens/early 20s, I was predominantly tuned to a more relationship orientated mentality with girls, as opposed to a hit and quit process. That said, don’t be too hasty in straying away from the short flings. The greater number of women you interact mentally and sexually with, the more efficient you will become when the higher calibre one comes along.Delete
The reality is that because you are a top end physically attractive man, you’re pretty much dealing with what I call a 1:500 scenario. Basically, only 1 in every 500 women is as physically attractive as you in relative terms (hot woman in physicality = the equivalent of a very good looking man + body profile & height). Only 1 in 10 of these women, especially above the age of 23, has the self-assurance to be with a man as equally eye catching, so the odds are not on your side. Also, the generalization of “the hotter the girl the denser she is” rule is true. You sound like a guy who needs mental stimulation and a relaxed demeanour in a female partner. Women with these traits - who are also hot - are simply as rare as rocking horse shit.
The good news is your age. There is a larger pool of women under the age of 23 who don’t have egos getting in front of their sexual predilections. The flip side to this is they are rarely the most entertaining from a companion perspective. I doubt this has bypassed your experiences.
As a guy who is a few years older than you, I have only ever had 2 (maybe 3 if I stretched it) long term relationships with women who ticked both boxes – high physical attractiveness and enjoyable to be with. To re-iterate, they are very hard to locate, and the chances of them being accommodating in dating a man of looks parity is very low unless he has high status/profile and wealth.
All in all, my advice would be to do one of 2 things:
1) Play the low percentage game and hope you do meet an isolated case of hot and engaging woman who is not jealous of good looking men.
2) Play a higher percentage game, and screen for cute (as opposed to hot) women. There are nearly 10 cute girls for every 1 hot woman, and by - i) the numbers law of average, and ii) sheer innate or developed personalities due to not taking themselves as seriously - they are far more prevalent in possessing better equipped girlfriend material credentials.
I hear you, champ. Stick to the mindset that you are the most important thing in your life. It’s no coincidence women are attracted to men of this kind. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually everything else will fit in accordingly.
Paragraph #3 is exactly how I feel. I'm glad you found this blog for Vi Nay has some very truth revealing insights to learn from.