“Every so often we choose to flirt with the chase of love, and rarely do we have any concern to who we hurt on the way. Often this comes as a result of being the past recipient of pain, and we feel it is a duty to return the favour. Never do we stop to think this serving of emotional destruction would be something our new compatriot would ever consider, but instead we tar the entire group with the same brush. Maybe this is a game of averages, and one day the game will stop on both counts. Maybe the day this happens is best described as true love.”
I’m a romantic. I love to be in love. I love to give a woman attention when she deserves it or when she has acted accordingly, and I love the feeling that goes with it when I see her smile. I love women, and I love them to be in my thoughts throughout the whole of my day. Love is my life, and the love of a woman is my world. But for the life of me, I cannot allow them to be aware of this.
The above paragraph is exactly how I feel. Until recent years, that whole paragraph, minus the last sentence, was how I would act in the presence of a woman I loved, or a woman I craved to love. Without the last sentence is representative of how a beta male thinks. With the last sentence added on, it is the illustration of a fundamental beta male, but someone who has realized through experience and emotional psychology study that this view is the only way to be someone who can capture women, and consequently keep them interested. Ultimately, it is a transition from a man who previously believed in the blue pill of life, only to draw from experiences and acceptance of the real world in finally removing all fallacies and false belief that women will reward a man if he rewards them constantly. Nothing could be further from the truth.
In my view, most alpha males have been beta males in a previous era. There is a small minority of men who from day one will have just had those alpha instincts when interacting with women, and in turn they have always been successful in this respect. The problem in the early days is this: guys tend not so much to be a definition of alpha or beta. They instead act in an alpha or beta way, depending on how the women he is with races his heart. In other words, take two differing scenarios: the first one involves a guy with a woman he is interested in but not someone who exactly infatuates him. She may be a conscious or subconscious safe act after a recent bad experience. It’s the opposite of a physically attractive woman dating an average looking guy after her recent break-up. In this case he isn’t afraid to lose her, and he performs alpha processes like seeing other women, living his own life, being relatively selfish in making himself the centre of his universe, and making her only a small priority in his world. Now place the same guy with a girl who has aroused him emotionally and sexually from day one. He is stimulated by her sheer existence, and he doesn’t have any inclination to be with any other women. He unknowingly idolizes her, he gives her all his time, and he never argues with her. She may appreciate this in the early days, but before he knows it she sees him as a next to no challenge, irrespective of how good looking or high value he is. So if you are that good looking man who gets ditched, only to see her the following month with a guy significantly less physically attractive than you, the chances are that you acted in a beta manner. The less attractive guy has given her an immediate challenge, even if this is only to capture her, and he then has the opportunity to use his game and strategy to keep her. A guy in possession with the girl has his destiny in his own hands. Sure, he may mess it up, but up until these deficient moves, he is still in a more powerful position than any other guy seeking her approval.
Now as well as the type of girl determining whether a guy acts beta or alpha, another factor is man’s mental state in that period of his life. Most men are taught to be good people, and by doing so he will reap the rewards. I went through a phase in my life where One Tree Hill, a teen drama (but one that I believe was mentally years above its main audience), was my favourite programme to watch. I could hardly spend a day not thinking about the relative themes or characters, and it appeared to be a major part of my life. But my point is this: it allowed the audience to believe that bad guys could turn into nice guys, and consequently acquire girls by doing so. It would emphasize how attracted a girl would become with him performing all these beta traits, like constantly telling her he loved her and that she was all he ever needed in his life. For a period of time I truly and genuinely believed this was the only way to attract and maintain a girlfriend. Honesty, integrity, selflessness, prioritizing and idolizing her would be the resultant misconception. When I look back now, I have a vision of millions of females switching off the TV, and at the end of an episode saying words along the lines of “oh, isn’t Lucas so sweet. I would love a guy to treat me like this”. But here lies the whole point of the majority of women’s minds in male attraction. What they think they want in their fictitious mind is the opposite of what they want in reality. In their fiction world they need to be placed on a pedestal, but in reality they want a challenge. In fiction they look for him to constantly be saying “I love you”, but in reality they need to only hear it intermittently. In fiction they need him to act all lovely, nice, clean and beta style, yet in reality it is edgy, somewhat selfish, independent and alpha. Women want their own way, but they want to have to fight to get their own way.
Unfortunately, most men just feel like their supplicated and helping hand ways will eventually lead women into their arms. This kind of man tries to turn a blind eye to his own knowledge that she is attracted to bad boys. He naively convinces himself, almost like the woman he loves, that this is simply bad luck or coincidence and that she will grow out of being drawn towards them. Now he carries on being the nice guy, almost in vain hope that one day an apple will fall off the tree, hit her in the temple, and bang, all she wants from now on are the nice guys like him.
Most nice guys will get an opportunity with the type of women they spend effort in acquiring. Even attractive women who do not have instinctive sexual attraction towards a nice guy will feel they deserve one for a period of time. The likelihood is this is after a couple of jerks have treated her badly. It could also be after dating a handsome high value man who actually didn’t treat her badly, but they in fact acted alpha in the way of not prioritizing her, and interacting with other women - therefore making her feel less value in herself. So now she believes, whilst never admitting to it, that it is time to find that typical man who will treat her like a princess, be her life puppet, and bow down to her emotional needs accordingly. She bypasses in her mind that he cannot give her true emotional chemistry, and she also has the view that by him being a couple of levels below her in the visual impressiveness scale, he will never do any better than her. Some women can manipulate this situation and are usually fully aware of it. They just deny it in their minds in order to maintain their morals and belief in these men being the right suitability.
When the beta male does start dating the attractive woman, to start with it is all rosy in the garden. The things he does for her outweigh the main negative aspect, which is the lack of chemistry. At this point his beta characteristics make her feel like the princess she feels she is justified to be. It is all about her at this stage, and as he is just a natural follower with understandable sexual compulsions. He is happy to have someone who is he boxing above his weight with. But sooner rather than later the positives become negatives in her mind. What was once him idolizing her is now her an irritable disgust. Where she once saw as him as a great guy giving her all his time, she now sees him as a person with no life of his own. Where she used to enjoy being idolized, she now observes him as lack of challenge. And what was once safety, in terms of knowing he couldn’t do better, makes her now desire someone who other women do find attractive. Over time, this innocent, genuine nice guy has succeeded in evolving as a bête noire in her mind.
It is a similar analysis to a good looking man being emotionally involved with a woman less physically attractive than he is. At first everything is fine because she gives him an easy relationship, both in psychological endeavour and sexual offering terms. This comes along without the games and drama that the better looking ex-girlfriends would have inflicted on him. He knows she respects and thinks the world of him, along with good conversation and feelings towards his needs, and whilst the physical arousal side of things is at the high level stage he probably wonders why he never made a conscious decision to date more of these types of women. But over time the human mind takes over and works a self-regulating format, and he starts to, often unaware, glance more frequently at prettier women walking past. Question marks evaporate in forming whether he could do better for himself, and as every day passes by, his less attractive girlfriend becomes more of a hindrance than an anticipation to see her at the end of the day. Temptations are harder to resist, and there is rarely a happy ending for the woman involved in this dynamic. Whilst women place less emphasis on a man’s looks than a man does on female beauty, this doesn’t prevent a physically impressive woman from also going through this thought process when in a relationship with an uglier man.
The whole problem with the attractive woman and average looking beta male situation is that she has based her whole strategy on needing to feel better about herself. She jumped over the most important stage of any relationship - this being that initial attraction. Sure, there may be cases where her urge to settle down and have children overpowers her desire above any other criteria a male can offer, but decisions of this nature will come back to haunt her one day.
From a man’s perspective, as he gets older, he realizes looks only play a small part in maintaining a relationship. It is the most important part when not knowing someone (although it can have disadvantages too), but beyond initial impressions it is not as strong a playing card as many men believe it to be. An average looking alpha man will almost always beat his good looking beta competitor. Believe me, I was the latter for many years, losing out to the former. I guess an average looking guy without game will always have a natural inclination to treat his pretty girlfriend like a queen. He’ll just do anything to keep her. But in truth, unless he had an abundance of money, I don’t recall one single scenario where an average looking man, who acted in a beta way, held onto his attractive woman. The only exception would be if she became pregnant or had a rapid decline in her sexual market value – this mainly being her looks.
So when you do see that stunning woman walking alongside her less attractive male counterpart, the likelihood is it is one of five cases:
- They have only just met and she is in the idolizing requirement phase.
- She is beyond the pedestal placement phase and is looking to move on from him.
- He is an average looker, but has an abundance of alpha traits and game.
- He is cash loaded.
- Due to her low self-esteem, she only has confidence to date safe male bets.
People may not appreciate this analogy, but the sexual market is a buyers and sellers dynamic. For a limited time, a woman’s stock is high, and she has to find a way to maximize her price to sell to the highest bidder – the highest bidder being the highest calibre of man. Men, as the purchasers, are left with a dilemma: they can buy at the highest price in order to fight off other bidders, or they can put in a bid that allows for impending depreciation. Any purchase comes with a cost in preserving its value. So the truth is men often pay over the odds, both in purchase and preservation costs, only to later accept that they maybe could have put in a lower price for something that turned out better and had lower maintenances. The main difference with the sexual market and this analogy is that once the commodity is beyond repair, the buyer cannot claw back any of the losses.
With all this in mind, nice guys who feel the need to go the extra mile may take comfort in how women speak about their requirements in comparison to their ultimate selections. Their male check list can sometimes seem like it is infinite, but then sexual evolution, and often reduced egos, make them face the burden of real life. There are hardly any men who can tick off all the female boxes, and there are barely any women who have a sexual market value to demand all this. When all is said and done, a large element of compromise and reality is the only option for a woman desiring to avoid an indefinite single life.