Female and male partner selection process

“Would a swallow choose a fish that doesn’t bite a hundred seeking maggots,

or a fish that bites the only maggot chasing it?”

True to the complex system of mate selection, women and men come from worlds apart in consideration to their ultimate decision-making in picking out members of the opposite sex.  In truth, very few men in percentage terms do the choosing per se.  They, in the main, do the instigating and chasing, but that is different to the choosing.  What men actually do is pro-act with a woman for her to then make the choice to whether he is suitable for her. 

Of course there are a minority of men who can select the woman they want.  Take a young famous sports star for example.  There will be far more women seeking him than there are women he can simultaneously deal with.  This whole supply and demand process plays right into his hands.  To a lesser magnitude, a man sitting as a high executive in a corporation with many female workers also has the dilemma of choices, although his likely older age (40+) and family baggage – in likelihood of losing his wife, kids and finances - perhaps doesn’t allow him to take full advantage of the apparent luxuries.  Men of extreme blessed physical attractiveness – with no high level of fame, status or wealth to accompany - will have an array of female admirers, but this rarely transcends back into an abundance of choices with these women for long term relationships.  A man in this position will have to settle for satisfying some of those willing in shorter flings, isolated opportunities with women confident enough to date him, or be happy with what the single life offers in comparison to the restrictions he sees for himself that are put upon his married male friends.  

But as this blog is far more interested in the 99%+ of regular people out there (yes ladies, even those of you who think you’re above and beyond are exactly in this bracket), I will disregard the celebrity and fame element in preference of focusing on the real world.  Good for those who do live in the bubble I allude to, but it will catch up with them one day too.

First, we start with the men.  This is a simple process:

Male Selection Process
Do I find her physically attractive? If yes, do I like her personality? If no, pursue & use for sexual enjoyment / hope things improve If yes, could I see her as girlfriend material If yes to all the above, venture onto potential  LTR		Yes Yes  ?  Yes	No, No ? No

Now we take a look at how women view the same process:

Female Selection Process
Do I find him physically attractive?		Yes	No
If no, do I find him repulsive looking?		Yes	No
If repulsive, does he have other desirables in huge amounts?		Yes	No
If no, dismiss.  If yes, venture on & hope the most If “no” to repulsive, does he have other desirable metrics? If no, dismiss unless I believe I can do no better If yes to above question, venture onto potential LTR If yes to Q1, is he less or more physically attractive than me? If less eye catching, does he have other desirable metrics? If no, short term fling or venture until better option arrives If yes, venture onto potential  LTR If more physically attractive, does he have other desirables? If no, dismiss If yes, are these desirables mainly status, wealth & attitude? If no, dismiss If yes, can my ego cope with him being more eye-catching? If no, reluctantly dismiss If yes, reluctantly accept & hope discomfort eases over time		Yes Yes Yes Less Yes Yes Yes Yes	No,  No No,  More No No No  No No No No

The length of the table for each gender assessment tells its own story.  The female Q&A’s are almost 4 times greater than the male equivalent.  This is just an abbreviated version too, because it would be fair to say many women would lay down questions related to personality, reliability and commitment - to mention only three.  Naturally, the answers are dictated by the quality and selectiveness of the appropriate candidate.  A woman who requires boyfriend validation in her life is far more likely to find a partner by asking less questions than a career orientated “girls-girl”.  In the former case, her default need to be constantly alongside a man manifests in being less picky.  In the case of the latter, she will have higher bars for him to jump over even though her lure to find a man will be equally as strong.  Now this may just be a simple devised table produced by a simple guy like me, but let it be said that this is how nearly every woman and man thinks when contemplating a liaison with one so beautiful or not. 

Simply concluded:

A man will desire sexual attraction when looking at a woman (or in low calibre male cases, enough to establish a sexual arousal), and anything above that is only relevant when he considers the longer haul.  There are thousands of men out there with head turning women where she can barely articulate a sensible sentence, so even the need for female endearing personality is limited to an extent. 

Women need to consider far more elements when assessing future mates from the opposite sex.  Like men, they start with the visuals, but their minds quickly and significantly surpass the first view thoughts.  You will notice 4 red stages that illustrate the point of finding someone for potential long term relationship material:

The first stage is a man she is repulsed with but who offers enormous motivations in the form of wealth and status.  If he’s a great guy too, well I’m sure this alone will make up for his big beer gut and droopy man tits. 

The second red stage will be when she finds her typical average looking man who is a decent run of the mill guy.  Lower quality or short in confidence women will be happy to have a man from these questions alone, and they offer much more leeway due to sparse options in the field.  More selective women will sometimes take on a man who doesn’t sexually turn her on because of the other components he can supply as a male partner in his entirety.

The third stage is most women’s ideal scenario.  She has an immediate visceral predilection for his look, but he isn’t as physically attractive as she is.  If he doesn’t offer much more beyond the visuals, this is typical of a rugged looking bad boy alongside a very cute or hot woman.  She benefits from his popularity, social status and comparative inferior physical features.  It’s short term gain with perhaps longer term pain.  But when a man offers a woman intimate projected attraction and an array of other metrics, yet he is still that ideal 10% to 15% less striking to the eye than her relativity, he’s what is called in the sexual market as a woman’s dream ticket.  She gains the lot – all the attributes he can offer without damaging her ego.

This leads nicely onto the last way she can find “happiness”.  Nearly every woman doesn’t take comfort in being with a man who is more physically attractive than her, but there is still a minority percentage (15% to 20%) of the female society who will not necessarily dismiss him on this factor alone.  However, to compensate for this irritable feeling she possesses, a man of high aesthetic value will be in a far better bargaining position when he throws other items on the table that women like.  Even this isn’t always enough with many women, but if he is high scale in personality, charisma, status and wealth, he consequently now has many of those women who were once willing in admiration but reluctant in acceptance leaning towards his appeal.  From my personal experience, I would estimate this pre-conceived rejection percentage to fall from 85% to 50% if the woman looking on sees something in it for herself. 

So there you have it.  Once again it shows how much harder it is for a man to satisfy a woman in respect to the inverse.  But in all fairness, men only have themselves to blame for this predicament, because if less men acted so supplicated, giving and passive, fewer women would get to the exert the breadths and depths of this selection criteria.  It would all filter down to devise a happier sexual marketplace.  Though women are loathed to admit it, they long for a man who actually validates them.  It makes them try harder to please him, and it is full proof of his value to the world of possessed options.  

This non-supplicated manner doesn’t always need to be in the form of options with women too.  A man can illustrate his diversity of interests in life, and the woman he is with must fight for his time and attention.  Ultimately, the female mind has more positive emotions when seeking acceptance is predominant in a timescale of the relationship or interaction with a man.  Only intermittently does a woman require her man to feel worthy to be with her.