Wednesday, 5 February 2014

The life of a good looking man

“Please do not feel like I choose for you to be afraid of me, but in turn, please never trample over my good will.  If cornered into one avenue or the other, I will always choose the option that gets me by.”
                 

Be honest for a moment and ask yourself three questions:

Question one:
How many physically attractive women (8/10 or higher) have you seen in the last year accompanied by an equally attractive man in relative terms? 

Question two:
How many physically attractive women have you seen with a less attractive boyfriend/fiancé/husband in the last year? (for example - the woman is 8/10 and the guy is 7/10 or less on your objective ratings). 

Question three:
How many physically attractive looking men with a less visually attractive girlfriend have you seen over the last year?

 My answers would be:
Question one: less than 10
Question two: more than 100
Question three: less than 2

If your answers are similar then you are living the similar life to me.  On a percentage basis from the couples within the three category dynamics as stated, the numbers would results expected to see would be:

  • 8% 
  • 90%
  • 2% 


One argument and justification to this observation may be because there are less physically attractive men than there are physically attractive women in most random environments on a like for like basis.  However, even if this ratio is along the lines of a minimum of three women to one man, it wouldn’t go far enough to explain this unavoidable, yet often unexplainable, phenomenon.  So when a good looking man starts to realize that he is being rejected by a high percentage of women he is approaching, who previously gave him an indicator of her sexual interest, he starts to wonder how this is the case.  There are only so many times he can question the possibility of poor body odour or bad breath on his behalf, therefore it must be a consequence of other explanations to these pronounced occurrences.  Maybe most of them had boyfriends of lesser physical attractiveness in comparison to him, and human nature unconsciously turned her eyes towards his.  If observant, with a sense of reality to the world outside of his own, he will also notice these rejections are all the more prominent as women grow through their twenties and beyond.  

Another argument arrives in the form of prevalent statements many women make in reference to the generalization of personality traits belonging to the top ten percent of good looking men.  You may have heard words to the effect of “lesser looking men have far better personalities” or “all good looking guys are vain, arrogant and into their own importance.”  To an extent, they are right in general terms.  But I have known (and women will know too) handsome men who possess equal or better personalities than their lesser impressive looking male counterparts, so this argument would only carry so much weight before they would have to confess it is a perception, as opposed to proof or argument, of this being the case for every good looking man.  So for the purpose of the analysis, I am taking it from a standardized level of personality, charisma, wealth, status, hygiene, intelligence, talent, potential, ambition or any other factor that attracts women to men.  The only variable here is the difference in looks.

The high majority of people out there, whether male or female, or old or young, never think outside of the box in the world of attraction.  They may have one, and only one, gut instinctive reason to why a rejection happens in a certain situation, but they just stay with that reason for the rest of time.  When you analyze the bigger picture, you start to draw patterns and find solutions to why there are so few equal looking partnerships out there from the highest level of the physical attractiveness ladder.  I would expect everyone knows of a lot of single good looking guys out there.  They may be getting quite a lot of sexual action, but it’s rarely with the higher calibre of women.  In my younger years I’ve been on numerous male party holidays to a low class Greek or Spanish resort.  Believe me, the girls who were distributing sexually offerings most easily were almost always the average looking to below average looking ones.  Many of them were even less attractive than the guy they fell into the arms of.  But who can blame a guy for a casual promiscuous spell on a two week vacation.  And this dynamic of no strings attached sex offers no true reflection to the dating and relationship market.

It’s worthwhile to understand the fundamental reason a woman makes the choice to be with an average looking beta male, as opposed to a good looking and charismatic guy.  Most women run on emotions that replicate the motion of a see-saw.  They are either totally up or totally down.  Their ego is one minute conceited, but the next minute it is in a fragile state.  Men are far more open to criticism, and many have the ability to rationalize or even see the back-handed compliments from those distributing jealous comments.  However, a woman can leave her house in peak visual appearance and feel a million dollars in herself.  Once out, a lack of male attention, or a quiet derogatory comment from her friend, can leave her rock bottom in self-esteem terms.  She needs to feel wanted and valued, and even though many handsome men could do this (as many handsome men also act in a beta way), she will more often than not refrain from believing this.  Even if she knows this, the thought of standing alongside someone who looks as good as she does can descend her confidence.  She needs to feel as the main event out of the two of them.  So a less physically attractive man will often satisfy her needs resulting from this circumstance.

It always brings a smile to my face when I hear a cute woman say “what’s that guy doing with her?”  In other words, her view is that he is attractive, and the woman he is alongside is not.  This can also interpret as thinking the woman this guy is with isn’t as attractive as her.  Yet it is a fair assumption that many of these women saying the exact same words would actually reject this man if he approached her.  Her impulsive part of the brain works before her logic kicks in.  With a slightly less attractive woman, she hasn’t had the same historic level of attention compared to her hotter friend, therefore she isn’t constantly going out with the need to feel valued and be idolized.  Because she doesn’t require this level of self-value, she isn’t as insecure about situations, or indeed as self-conscious about herself.  Consequently, whilst acknowledging she is with a guy better looking than herself, she isn’t as conscious of how he makes her feel in a negative way.  She prioritizes the positive feelings it brings.  This is a consequence of knowing she has other traits she can deliver as a person, and a man can find this attractive, even if she isn’t necessarily the usual look he goes for.

From my experiences, there is a common trend with the best looking women in the world.  The prettier a woman is, the more she plays with the insecurity dilemmas in her mind.  It’s no coincidence that an ugly guy doesn’t need to play interaction game with an ugly woman, because in this case she knows she won’t do better than him.  An attractive girl has a lot more options than an attractive man, usually because even though most men are nice guys that don’t tick her visceral box requirements, she will at least live in the knowledge they will give her some attention and make her feel good in herself.  A good looking guy doesn’t have or want that option with a girl in relative terms, as most men with this apparent luxury of good looks place maximum emphasis in securing a woman on a similar visually impressiveness level.  My theory on good looking guys goes against the grain of the wider, and perhaps the less observant and knowledgeable, public.  Most people think these men have the worlds choice of women, but that isn’t often the case unless he has a number of other desirable traits.  I’ve seen some better looking guys out there be single for long periods, and they can act desperate when they find a woman they finally like.  My theory is on the good looking men being single is formed from this basis:

  • He only likes women on his attractive level (let’s say 8/10 rating).
  • Find 100 women of 8/10 looks rating (this would take a while, especially smaller residencies).
  • Out of 100 women, 65 are already in a relationship (whether happy or not).
  • Out of the remaining single 35 women, 5 of them don’t like his look (they genuinely prefer a rugged look to handsome features).Out of the remaining 30 women who do think he is physically attractive, 15 of them (or 50% of them, this is a conservative %) will pre-reject him as they don’t like the thought of a guy being equally good looking.  Similarly, they would have trust issues, even if there was no proof of past infidelities.Out of the remaining 15 who wouldn’t pre-reject him, he approaches them, and 10 of them are put off by his apparent extreme demeanour of being too nice or too cocky: his approach was wrong.  He over complimented her to give her too much value, or he tried to make himself look good and now she just thinks he’s a fool - and less valued in herself, hence insecure.  


Remember, attractive women have their guard up far more with an attractive guy than with an average looking guy with appropriate attitude.  To confuse things even more, quite often you will find a 7/10 woman would be more receptive than an 8/10 woman if approached by the same guy.  Reason - because she accepts he is better looking than her, but has more inner security of her other personal value strengths outside of physical attractiveness.

  • This leaves 5 genuine, attractive women, who don’t do/are any of the above.  And the chance they are the ones he approaches is remote.
  • If he does get the chance to take any of the last 5 out, he loses 3 of them due to playing the early stages inefficiently (texting too keen, acting like she is the only girl in the world).  Suddenly she starts to recall the average looking ex-boyfriend who seemed far more challenging.
  • That leaves 2% from the original 100 women.


I was once that guy until I learnt to understand the way it worked in reality.  Part of me wishes someone had told me all those years ago, but then again, the strongest learn from their mistakes.  If I could give only one bit of advice to anyone, then it would be to show a woman that you have things going on in your life.  Once a guy finds a girl he likes, it’s as if that old life he had (the one that maybe even attracted her to him in the first place) never existed.  She may even appreciate the time he spends on her in the beginning, and tells her friends how lovely he is for doing this, but then the exceptions are expected as the norm and she no longer appreciates it the way she once did.  Worse still, she starts to realize she is your world, and the challenge is no longer there to be had for her.

With all this said, I wouldn’t for a single second want anybody to think it is a negative life in being a good looking man.  In workplace or social network environments – where women are able to assess the qualities outside of visuals, and there is not the time limits to abide by their negative perceptions – men of high aesthetic stakes hold an advantage over the lesser looking counterparts.  It’s just important for men of this nature to understand and accept why they may, and probably will, go through dry spells with women.  Facing up to the truth is the hardest task, and pro-acting accordingly runs a close second.  And for the purpose of those genuine and caring good looking men out there, it’s equally important for women to believe these men do exist.  Not every good looking guy takes advantage of his aesthetic pleasing luxury in a manner that would leave a woman he finds attractive broken-hearted.  There is a fine line between how people tread on perception or reality, and often the life someone lives is a world apart from the perceived assumption.  Not dissimilar to the men being better advised to watch women’s actions rather than listening to the words they say in emotional respects, women could benefit from finding out a man’s qualities for herself rather than speculating or listening to their jealous friends.

Being a highly attractive man gives off extreme views from women, whilst being average looking feeds the middle ground.  An average looking guy who never approaches will never get hot women because, simply put, they will never or rarely acknowledge him.  But if he does approach a woman, and it is seen upon with a decent amount of confidence, he will have a certain level of leeway, and she will not have the shield in front of her like she would with a more physically attractive man.  With the good looking man, as he walks down the street looking confident and precious, the extreme contrasting comments will be “god, he’s fit”, to “who does he think he is in loving himself!”  It will often depend on a woman’s natural perception and personality.  Engaging and acknowledging types of women will look at the more positive traits.  Those who are hostile, or those who possess concealed methods of interest, are more renown for bitterness, jealousy and insecurity when viewing a handsome man in their vicinity.

It took a cancer illness for me to totally comprehend how many people, from both the female and male population, can view, respond to and treat a good looking man differently to the approximate ninety-eight percent of other people they interact with.  Unless you are verbally told the reasons to this curious predicament by many of the outside public, or unless you have the time and knowledge to observe another good looking man on a consistent basis to acknowledge how people react around him, a man with extreme handsome features can be forgiven for spending possibly his whole life being oblivious to these strange happenings.  The year of looking far less physically attractive proved how people change their demeanour when around someone, and although there could be a fair argument that this was down to sympathy towards my health and none guaranteed existence, I believe it was more to do with their perception of how I rate my sexual value when in physical peak condition.  From my humble and objective experiences, the majority of physically attractive women, at least before they know you personally, appear to take the disposition of a jealous and hostile approach.  It is almost as if you are bursting their bubble of superiority.  If genuine good looking men are suffering from these consequences - and in fairness these men of complimenting beauty and humbleness are rare – they have my deepest considerations.  If this is the case, all they can do is continue to hope they find one of the low percentage women who do not give them undue grief for being as, or more, physically attractive as they are in relative terms.  Maybe the hard time they usually receive simply comes with the territory of being born with these blessings.

There’s arguably never been a more challenging time for a single regular good looking man with a mediocre, or low, level of personality, charisma, economical resources or status.  Even if he did possess a high degree of a couple of these metrics, he would still have his work cut out.  To put it another way, if a man is relying most on his physical appearance to attract women, and further to this he believes it is what women desire most, he is looking down on a long struggle to success with the opposite sex.  The answer to this is simple when you spend an equal amount of time in listening to women’s words and watching their consequent actions.  Whilst men will hear the main bulk of women stating they find physical attractiveness as their most desirable factor in a man, and whilst men in offices will hear their female colleagues gruel over handsome, toned male celebrities, the fact of the matter is most of them are too insecure and self-conscious to be in an actual relationship with a man as, or more, physically attractive than they are.  General observation, when looked at in a fair and objective manner, will show evidence to this claim.  With this in mind, men who are clearly not aware of this phenomena will pursue in spending wasted hours in front of a mirror, adamant that a hair out of place will have an adverse effect on their attraction in the eyes of women they find appealing.  The reality is, without possessing any other character attributes in their armoury that women value, they think they are fighting a battle for their own interests, but in fact they are firing for the other side.

The younger good looking men face the greatest obstacles in these misconceptions of female predilections.  As a fellow good looking guy, who once made these same mistakes and errors of judgments, my advice is only genuine for their own interests going forwards.  Men, whilst they should still maximize their physical potential, would do well to focus less on their looks per se, and more on their overall sexual market value. 

A man can get tied down with ego elevations in attaining inundated glances in his direction from members of the opposite sex.  It’s a great feeling, and it is a luxury very few men in percentage terms have the pleasure of experiencing on a consistent basis.  It can be an even stronger exhilaration of positive emotion when also pronounced in countries outside of his native land, as many good looking men in one place may not be seen as alluring with locals when they cross passport borders.  Further to this, when in addition to all the women looking on, it has not gone unnoticed that other men of varied ages cannot resist an admiring or belligerent glance.  In any case, it should be viewed upon as a compliment.  The problem with this perceived benefit is that the number of stares he receives is rarely representative to the actual success he has in the long term relationship field.  As for reasons as explained, if he cannot get a grasp on the fact that women who look at him will often decline his advances, and he fails or refuses to believe male physical attractiveness can be a significant disadvantage as it can equally be a positive factor, he will live a lonely life unless he adapts with humility, modesty, and a reduced display of public vanity that most women despise. 

Good looking men have little power over people’s negative pre-conceived thoughts towards them due to being blessed in the minority of pleasurable visual features.  This detrimental projection of apparent aggressiveness from others can also come from other men, although it is far more revealing when seen from the faces of woman.  However, where a good looking man can mitigate this drawback is in the way of his personality and caring heart.  It isn’t a case of being too passive and unchallenging, but it is an opportunity to enlighten people with a refreshing reversal of their perceived thoughts.  Younger good looking men, but those older too, fail to grasp the fact that if more physically attractive men acted in this humble manner, less of them would be rejected by women they are attracted to.  Because if women even have the slightest proof that most good looking men are this way inclined – in terms of having inept personalities or a lack of consideration for others, but too much vanity and arrogance – they will continue to believe the more suitable men are always those less physically attractive than they are.

There is a way a good looking man can overcome this ever growing obstacle of women imperceptibly repelling from males of physical allure.  This cunning method is most applicable to relationship orientated men.  If he can meet a pretty girl in her earlier dating years – between eighteen and twenty-three, where she is most inclined to place her priority in male physical attractiveness – he has the opportunity to illustrate his other valuable traits.  If she is drawn in by his great personality and charm, there is little temptation to refrain from being with someone more aesthetically pleasing, as she would arguably do when she approaches her mid-twenties and beyond.  It would take a woman with magnified issues to be in love with a good looking man, only to look elsewhere to live in an ego boosting world in being more eye catching than a lesser looking man she walks alongside.  This is one advantage for good looking men in their mid-twenties, or older, to seek out a woman in her late teens or early twenties.  The distinction in how women below and above this female age threshold of approximately twenty-three – in terms of how their emotions are contrasted around physically attractive men - can be quite amusing if taken as a pinch of salt in mentality approach.  The only problem from a man’s perspective is that if he finds this younger woman at a similar age to his age, her beauty will decline at a far more rapid rate than his, and human nature dictates that eyes will wander towards younger interlopers.  Similar to a woman living in plausible deniability – in refraining from accepting her impulses towards a better looking man, and convincing herself a lesser looking man will make her happier - a man in this predicament has an internal battle in his mind between the feeling of love versus question marks derived from external emotions.

To place all this circumstance down to the insecurity and self-conscious issues women encounter within their character would be unfair, as it would also be to claim they are consciously lying.   I believe most women do in fact believe they are telling the truth when they stay adamant to a man’s physical appearance being their priority.  However, what happens is they act primarily like a man during the first sight – instinctively placing maximum emphasis on the looks of the opposite sex – only to later doubt their inner comfort levels if with him in a relationship.  Consequently, they rationalize, and often prefer a safer bet on a lesser looking man they know within a social network.  When you see women with objectively less physically attractive men, the big money is on the likelihood she will have known him prior to the first interaction.  So if you are a very good looking man who picked up positive vibes from a woman during the first encounter, only for her to lose interest within a matter of days or even hours, it’s a fair prediction her logical brain has taken over from her impulses in deciding to not risk investing in someone who is more likely, even without proof, to give her egoism, trust and discomfort feelings for the worse.

As a last thought, you have to acknowledge and understand how a woman’s mind can often work in this scenario.  If there is a gorgeous man on a television programme she watches that night, her thoughts are of the nature of him being the man of her dreams.  Put that exact same looking man (without her knowledge of the programme or the fame) in a position where he approaches her the next day, and she puts doubts in her mind that she’s up to his level,  or she labels him as a potential sexual player.  It’s her fantasy and reality working differently, with the exact same vision.


4 comments:

  1. Interesting post with good points. I enjoyed reading it, similar experiences to mine. Though crossing borders seemed to heighten the attraction towards me. One small criticism. It's a bit long. Could've done with editing to make the points clearer. IamMarktoo

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  2. This essay is a masterpiece. I fall exactly in this category of being a good looking man yet options are indeed limited. I clearly know why. As the reader above stated, it is long, yet it has to be in order to delicately lay out all of the fundamentals to open one's eyes to the truth. I love your work. You have a permanent reader on board here. Keep up the great work. Much appreciated.

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    Replies
    1. Appreciate it, and glad it was valid to your experiences.

      This subject has always been close to my heart, and will be so even when I'm that old man reminiscing in his rocking chair. If this blog ever does come across as promoting the "good looking" to some people, then so be it... the point is: lesser looking men (usually nice, genuine guys) can and should take note of the reality.

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  3. Can't you solve the good looking problem just by getting a bad haircut and wearing shitty clothes?

    ReplyDelete