“People look with shame on those who promise to over deliver,
when they consequently under achieve.”
If a male reader was to log onto this blog for the first time, in particular a man who is wondering why all his efforts to look good are perhaps not reaping many rewards with women, I would highly recommend him to read this post a couple of times at least. I believe in the importance of this subject – male vanity – because I think too many men misconstrue how women desire them to be or to act in this respect. This post is also very relevant to less physically attractive men who belong to a less magnified vain mentality, as they can take advantage of the mistakes of those more visually blessed men and the consequent annoyance it brings to women’s emotions. In metaphoric terms, they can creep under the radar simultaneous to the time women are having these irritable feelings. As for the female readers, I expect they will be nodding their heads in an all too familiar comprehension.
There are two angles you can strike from with regards to female projection onto male physical attractiveness. The first one is that a man needs to look his best to attract a woman in the first place. This is all the more relevant if she doesn’t know anything about him. But on the opposite side of this argumentative fence is the claim that women, especially those with low confidence and high egos (which is basically most women), are reluctant to stray towards a man who looks too good due to discomforting thoughts of being with him. Which angle rules the roost?
For a moment, I’m going to cut some slack for the vain guys out there. We live in a generation of reality TV programs where it can appear that the more beautiful, buff and groomed a man is, the more women are attracted to him. I refer to crappy programs like Jersey Shore or rip off attempts to replicate it in other countries. Regular men looking on could be fooled by the misconception that women like to see men exploiting all their physical worth, because the words from women’s mouths in reference to these men tend to be in far for positive form than negative language. There is one major differential here though. Women will take oversight to deliverables by famous men due to the whole fantasy celebrity bubble we live in. They promote rather than deter male vanity by guys on TV because, if they were to be his girlfriend, they gain more than they lose.
Now I’ll tell you what I see in everyday life, and it probably has much to do with the explanation as mentioned above. If you were to walk in the bathrooms of busy bars every weekend, you would see numerous men, mainly in their early 20s but some older too, licking their eyebrows, styling their hair and turning to each side in front of the mirror. In the gym I go to, I have to say it gives me a painful but equally humorous viewing. Once entering the changing rooms and on route to the toilet, a guy has to walk past 3 mirrors. Once in the pissing area, there is another large mirror. I see inundated men, many of who are barely even average looking, look in front of every mirror within the 15 yard stretch. They will repeat the same process from the toilets, past the 3 mirrors and into the gym area. That last glance will make all the difference, won’t it!
The problem with these actions is that they act as an epidemic. It becomes a habit hard to control and erase. The more a man looks in the mirror one day, the longer he will do so the following day. Before you know it, the same man who is posing in the changing rooms is subconsciously doing likewise in the social environment arena. Whilst he’s unaware of this automated process, there will be a certain few women catching him doing this. It will hardly ever be with admiration on their parts. It could just so be that, as life weaves its magical wand, one of these women is someone he’s attracted to. This woman would have been hard for him to escalate in any case, so he’s just made it that bit harder for himself.
But what is the problem with all this you may ask? Surely a man looking after himself is not an issue, is it? Well first, there is nothing wrong with a man trying to optimize his physical appearance. This choice, at the top 1% of male physical attractiveness, can be counter-productive in securing women for long term relationships, but I would always suggest ignoring this undeniable reality – women rejecting men who look better than them - in place of fulfilling your physical potential. However, where the damage lies is when women believe a man is obsessed with his look. It is one thing to look good, but it is another thing to throw it in people’s faces. Barely any woman takes kindly to this.
But a woman spends hours in front of a mirror to get ready, so surely she desires a male partner to replicate her ways and do the same, right? Err, no. You have to remember that nothing comes close to a woman’s every day concerns than her appearance. She could have the best job ever, an array of loyal and genuine friends, or a pot of inherited money, but her beauty, both in terms of how men and women see her, is the first thing she thinks of in the morning and the last thought at night. Unless a man can bring other desirable factors to the bargain, in a fundamental way she gains from, there is only a minority of women who can find it in them to be with a man who is as or more eye catching. So if this nagging feeling is further compounded with competing for mirror space and time, she isn’t going to suddenly ignite leveraged love for him. The more likely outcome is for her to look for another reason to justify the jettison contemplation.
I’m not going to claim in being squeaky clean in all this. I love my appearance, and I’ve worked hard, with life sacrifices, to look this good. I’m not going to hide from it - I gain great pride from seeing what I see, most of the time! I didn’t think I’d ever look this good again during those ill-feeling days of chemotherapy, so in my case there is extra motivation to look appealing. I’m quite sure that, if women knew about my illness and experience, a few of them would cut me a bit of slack, but I doubt it would be a significant number of them. As much as the vast majority of women are good people with sympathetic ears, nearly all of them will always put themselves first. Being with a better looking man is certainly not mitigated by him experiencing a life threatening disease.
However, without blowing my own trumpet, where I do excel in this respect is by not displaying public vanity. When I leave the house, nobody will catch me looking in a mirror. When I’m with a girlfriend, she will be taking over an hour to get ready as I jump out the shower and in front of the TV 10 minutes later. The objective for a man is to prove to women that his appearance is a pride that comes within. No posing is necessary, and it is an inner confidence that needs no reassurance or third party compliments. No man who is confident of his look, in a foundational manner, should be constantly looking at his reflection. And I say this as a guy who 99% of women would say is more physically attractive than over 99% of men. If they were to be honest, that is. So if I can refrain from constant posing in public or in the presence of women, I’m sure other men can find it in them too.
Are there any caveats to male posing, and the free passage to lose female interest? Well, men will get more leeway with women below the age of 23, than they would with women above the age of 23 who are maybe starting to doubt their beauty in comparison to younger rivals. Also, uglier men, in relativity to the female partner, will not be looked upon as detrimentally if vanity is their thing. An above average looking man who has a cute girlfriend will be given more forgiveness than a good looking man alongside a hot woman, even if in fact the two men posed to the exact same magnitude. Women don’t want a posing man, but if the man is the standard 10% to 15% below her in the looks stakes, she will more likely promote, than deny, him to look good. If he is an ugly man, he could conceivably pose until the cows come home and still get away with it. No person can take an ugly posing man seriously.
Boys, my advice is honest, genuine and valid if you harbor ambitions to crank up your hit rate. If you think I’m wrong, then I welcome you on your merry way. It will be no skin off my nose. But let it be said, nothing boils a woman’s blood more than men who take longer to get ready than she does. Why would I tell you otherwise? If I looked at it as a competition, and there was a fair chance one day we were going for the same woman, it would be in my interests to offer you ill advice in giving me a competitive advantage. But I’m not that kind of guy. Rest assured, many men would feed you bullshit if it meant a leg up onto the ladder that benefits their own welfare.