“There is a time and a place for everything. Sometimes that logical time and place is so illogical that what you thought was right, proves to be wrong.”
I know this blog will make many references towards men dampening women’s egos to gain longer term sexual, respect and relationship rewards. I’m certainly not going to move away from this viewpoint in a general perspective. The general perspective being in the sexual field: a less physically attractive man attempting to attract, appeal and lock down (if he’s in for the long haul) a woman who is above him in relative visual terms. Women don’t take kindly to this consensus because it goes against their egos inside that tell them they need a man to be kind and complimentary all the time. Many women leave men who act like this. The vast majority of men cannot comprehend this deliverable because they have too little experience to relate to this trend, they have only dated “safe” women, or they abide by the mainstream literature and what women tell them that is far more exposed to their eyes and ears. When it all goes pear-shaped on the day she says “you’re such a great guy but it’s just not working”, a man’s default is to fail to realize or admit it had anything to do with his passive and agreeable ways.
There are of course times to move to the left side of nice guy/jerk scale. If you’re a very good looking, high status or popular man, most women will see you as unattainable due to abundant female followers. This is when a “nice” moment may be required to ease her discomfort. If you’re in a relationship and picking up genuine vibes of losing her due to your apathy, a romantic gesture would come in useful. If you’re a man who happens to be with a cute woman who perhaps sees you as noticeably more eye catching than her, a few reassuring comments in light of her beauty will do more good than harm. And in the case of a married man, read on to know just how not to handle this ego dampening meets compliments tug of war.
My current next door neighbours moved in a couple of years ago. I met the man of the family on the day they transported all belongings over. He was the typical nice, genuine guy - as most men are. Tall and skinny, he had an average spotty face with a bit of a tongue out gormy expression. All the same, he was as friendly as they come, with an honest and moderately paid job to provide for them.
I didn’t meet his wife until a good few months later. Although no stunner, you could tell she had beauty potential there if she slapped herself up. A cute woman she is, leaving a good 20% difference (6/10 v 7.25/10) sitting between the two of them in the looks stakes. This disparity is in excess of the typical 10% to 15% you would see for men who are average looking and average status. Based on my conversations with him, I’m pretty sure he isn’t blinding her with personality or charisma.
They have two young girls of 3 and 6. I have to say that l like the way he handles them. When I’m hanging around the garden and they are playing as kids do, if they step out of line they get a good telling off from him. I like this trait, because it could be all too easy for a man in a house of three females to maybe let them get away with it for the sake of a quiet life. The man and the woman are now 28 and 27 respectively.
I have seen the wife looking at me with eyes I’ve seen more than a few times before. Being a better looking and more edgy kind of guy who would be perceived to live the bachelor lifestyle, this naturally plays into the irritable mindset women have. They want the men who are most in demand, but unfortunately these are the men who are less motivated to settle down. But they choose the men, who happen to be less desired, because they are willing to commit and provide. I see that look in the whites of many a female’s pupils. If only they could put that hunkier and better looking man in the bedroom but nowhere else. The husband supplies everything else she could hope for. It’s also a shame when she knows she can look better than the mirror shows nearly every day, but a lack of resources and time in belonging to the perennial hard working family hardly ever allows this exploitation.
So now I’ve paid for the goods, I’ll show you the receipt to how he failed all guns blazing during one sunny afternoon. I could hear her whittling on about something, but I don’t think she was doing anything more annoying than being a woman who has to keep the kids from boredom. The words I did here transparently were from his mouth:
“God, I can see loads of grey on your head. It’s looking like mine, full of grey too.”
Let me bullet-point the reasons behind the wrongful move he made by this one short statement:
- A 27 year old mother of two will already have everyday fears of her diminishing beauty. She doesn’t need third party confirmation of this.
- A 27 year old regular mother is not going to be in frequent social positions where numerous men are inflating her ego with excessive comments in reference to her looking hot. Contrast this with a 21 year old woman - at her physical peak and done up to her best – going out with her friends every weekend or being surrounded by clueless nice guys at work who are infatuated by her looks.
- A woman in this position will be resentful towards her husband who she believes has made her life a struggle. This isn’t his fault of course, and it’s more than a fair chance that she held desires to start a family before him. But women rarely see it in such empathetic ways, and for every celebrity magazine she opens, with pictures of how the rich and famous can have children and still live the life of leisure and glamour, she resents him that little bit more.
- A woman’s view of her own beauty is the most conscious thing on her mind. Although the priority of children comes very close, if not on a par, rest assured that the mirror reflection she sees is worth a lot more than any concern she has for her male partner. Unlike men who generally don’t rely on or care for their looks as much – as a man’s appeal to the opposite sex is only fractionally dictated by his physical attractiveness (to the point where looking too good has many disadvantages) – women’s fortunes in the sexual market are primarily, and sometimes solely, based on how attractive they look.
- Women who live the wife and mother lifestyle as they approach their late 20s will not usually have an opinion of themselves that overrides the objectivity. Exceptions will exist, especially for those with wealthy husbands who provide them with expensive cars, property and clothes, but by enlarge it is fair to say her self-promotion will be a shadow of the same girl in her younger years. With this in mind, the requirement of criticism and ego fragmentation will rarely be fruitful to a man.
- Even if a woman is comprehensive to her fragmenting sexual appeal, it doesn’t make the situation any better if her male partner subsequently criticizes his own physical appearance. A woman still loves the mentality, whether it is based on fact or fiction, that the man she is with is desired by other female pursuits. By a man finding blatant shortcomings in his own value, physical or otherwise, this only further reinforces the lack of respect she has for him and the detested predicament she believes she sits in.
The problem with my good friend next door is that all this puts doubts in his wife’s mind. Not only has she doubts with herself, but she also has further reason to question why she boxed below her weight all those years ago when she chose him as her provider. Irrational to their nature, you roll the dice to how a woman can react in instances of this kind. The idealistic part tells you she will make herself more stunning and give you a new lease of appreciation. But more likely is a gut reaction of knocking on the door of someone like me – someone she knows isn’t perceived as good long term suitability but who will make her feel special for an hour of her life – and put two fingers up to her husband as the noise travels through the walls. Not every guy has the morals, integrity and
common sense care like I do, no matter what some readers
may think, and most men will think with their penis first and the consequences
The critical distinction when considering when to dampen a woman’s ego is with the woman involved, so to speak. Although the woman in this anecdote is hotter than the man, the situation causes a reduction in ego bursting need unless the time proves to suit. Many men in this situation – where they are boxing above their weight – have a natural jealous and insecure character build-up that naturally forces them to subtly attempt to alienate their girlfriend from men that she would find more sexually arousing. I’ve seen it many times. This is often why you may see a hot or very cute woman pile on the pounds in a short space of time. But unless the man is significantly better looking than the woman in the dynamic – which you will see on only isolated occasions in a lifetime for couples below the age of 40 – a reduction of male physical attractiveness is no help to anyone.
Further to all this, there is a clear message:
There are 3 types of ways a man can approach female beauty projection:
- The first way is to compliment excessively, and this is typical of most men.
- The second way is to verbally and directly criticize, as shown by my neighbour.
- The third way is to dampen a woman’s ego with smart cryptic comments once she has self-promoted her existence.
- The fourth way is to act totally indifferent, irrespective to whether she is fishing for a compliment or seeking reassurance.
I think you may have an idea to my favourite process, but more importantly this will prove to be the most effective. There are 2 prudent ways to exercise the motion of indifference. One delivery is the art of lifting the lips and eyebrows concurrently with a short, sharp shake of the head. Another way is to tilt your head to one side with a closed smile simultaneous to a scratch of the hair. This should be followed by the phrase of “Mmmm” in a questionable tone.
There’s nothing quite like keeping a woman unsure to your true feelings. Her immediate ego may feed her positive thoughts, but I can assure you that only a few seconds later she will doubt you are convinced of her princess status. If women can use plausible deniability all the time, I’m sure the gentlemen of the world can be forgiven for placing the boot on the other foot once in a while.