Saturday 24 January 2015

Women’s and men’s handling of assumption in the sexual market

“Assumption is the equivalent and manifestation of perception, laziness and unwillingness to get to know someone or something for what could sit beyond the primary thoughts.”

Some of my posts will appear, more to those who fail to think outside the box than astute thinkers, that I am sexist and antagonistic towards women.  Yet again, I’m not going to use much effort in attempt to convince people otherwise.  Readers can make up their own mind.  For those who are wondering, I’m certainly not a sexist or a misogynist.  What I do is state what I believe is the truth based on innumerable experiences and observations.  But I acknowledge I’m only one person.  If anyone can truthfully (and not in vain hope) argue against what I write then I’d always be here with open ears.  What I pride myself on is the truth.  Believe me, I’d love to be wrong on the vast majority of content, because this would mean the sexual market is a far happier place than my mind allows me to believe.  And when all is said and done, I thrive on people being genuinely happy in life.

If I was one of these cynical outsiders from the female deny team or male extreme nice guy squad, the main aim against me would be that I criticize women for rarely telling the truth in sexual preferences, scarcely living in reality, and having constant needs to comfort their egos above any other emotion.  They’d be right.  But this doesn’t make it wrong if ultimately what I write does make fundamental sense in view of a lack of satisfaction for women and men alike in the relationship world.  If everyone was so happy in their relationship, you would see far more positivity and glee on people’s faces than the more accustomed frustration and stress.  It isn’t the lack of morning to evening sunshine days we have in the UK or the underwhelming day to day occupations that make British people look like they have the world’s problems on their shoulders.  When someone is truly happy with their partner, they rise above any matter like this and place it in true perspective.  Love conquers all, right.  But how many actually get there?

Nevertheless, one of the main areas of distinction between women and men in the sexual market is the way they handle assumption.  In essence, I think men deal with it in a more optimistic (but not necessarily clever) manner and women use it to convince themselves that they are making the right decision.  But this is a general view, and there are crossovers.  Some men use their assumed thought process wisely, but I tend to see this more in everyday instances as opposed to emotive scenarios with women.  Many men, who deliver rigorous, well-thought out and strategic actions in the workplace, will then strangely be passive, careless and lacking in contingency when placed in situations with a vagina as the reward.  Why is this?  The probable main reason is due to the lack of options someone has at their disposal.  When options are plentiful – perhaps like career moves within or outside of a business – some men can flex their muscles to attain what they want.  That same man, in the environment with women, has limitations of confidence to far he can aspire.  With all this in mind, a desperate and supplicated man is the inevitable outcome when a woman clicks her fingers.      

Where women fall flat on their face in relation to assumption is, yet again, to protect their fragile egos and needs to feel worthy to the world.  I’ll use a first-hand recent example:

I recently saw a young woman who had stood me up 18 months previous.  I knew her from the gym.  The story is a familiar one.  She had given me indicators of interest, I in turn asked her out, she accepted, but she never allowed escalation beyond this point.  She was what I would class as a very cute girl – bordering on hotness but not quite there.  I’d say she was 23 and I’d give her 7.75/10 physical attractiveness rating.  However, she made my balls harder than some objectively hotter women.  She did have decent personality and seemed easy to get on with.  After she had stood me up, I later found out about a lunkhead jerk she had being seeing.  He was a 6.75/10 physical grade, but with a reasonable level of local social status in relativity to the city we live in.

There we have the background: a woman half a grade below (at her best) me in physical attractiveness but who had clearly been involved with a guy who was a full grade below her.  This isn’t an unfamiliar circumstance.  I would tend to think, on substantiation rather than arrogance, that I would surpass him on almost every other metric available.

So 18 months on from that rejection, and I approached her again.  Between then and now, I hadn’t seen her in approximately 15 months, but she pretty much looked the same.  I made light humour out of the fact she had stood me up, and she took it well by responding that she was nervous when we spoke.  I told her that because I am such a great guy I’d be willing to give her a second chance.  She accepted. 

With more knowledge of her past and character, my game was tighter this time in knowing she couldn’t be someone you could be too nice with.  It’s always a lesson for good looking men to learn that if they are interacting with women below or on par in beauty terms, more reassurance is required towards them in contrast to the ugly or average looking male counterpart who would have to raise his value and act more challenging.  But equally as important is the comprehension of women who have dated more than one jerk in their time.  This isn’t misfortune, this is an emotional draw to men they need to chase.  With this consideration, a balance was definitely required.

But it soon became clear that any time I tried to escalate – in proposing a time and place to meet – her interest repelled.  I soon gave up the ghost, as my time is worth more than the fragmenting prospect of a good lay.  I then looked at the dates more carefully and her responses to my escalation.  She seemed like she could never get out at night or during the weekends.  My assumption one night as my head hot the pillow was that within those 15 months, she had got pregnant, left the gym, birthed the child and re-joined some 7 months later.  I could be well off the mark here, and it could simply be down to the fact she either didn’t like me in a physical way (which then goes back to why the glances and smiles 18 months ago?) or she couldn’t cope in being with a more eye-catching guy.

In any case, the moral behind all this is, despite all assumptions I have, I would have still given it a go until news came my way to confirm any of the mentioned possibilities.  I’ll always give someone a chance to show their worth and prove me wrong prior to the message within that comes from an assumption or perception.  I think I speak for most men on this count.  On the other hand, women, like the woman in this anecdote, will use an assumption of a man as a defence mechanism to protect the ego and emotions.

Why is the difference so strong in this respect?  If a fat, ugly man just so happened to strike lucky with one of the hottest women in town, his probable assumption would be that she is using him to get something out of it for herself.  Maybe she’s in it for a bet, or she has found out about some future inheritance he has.  But this man will still go for it in hope of an unlikely happy ending.  His pride, ego and future broken heart are put to one side for the possible magic that will be experienced.  But if you flip the spectrum, and place a woman in a similar predicament, she analyzes it in the total extreme opposite way.  A woman will assume a man who is more visually impressive than her is a player or untrustworthy, and she will look after her ego prior to any thoughts of true happiness on a visceral sense.

So to go back to my observations of people looking like they have been slapped in the face with a soaking wet kipper, assumptions play a major part in the route to unhappiness in relationships.  Women, in making decisions that protect their egos but don’t fulfill their happiness, look miserable because they have made safe bets lacking in inspiration.  Men, who were the beneficiaries of these easy odds, end up equally unhappy because she has either left him or reminds him each day that she is dissatisfied with the life he has given her.  

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