Tuesday 24 December 2013

Christmas stocking fillers: Santa Nice Guy or Rudolph Jerk?

“A love is for life, and not just for Christmas.”

As I’m such a great guy and in a good mood due to the festive season that is now in full flow, I’m going to throw out some rules of thumb in the sexual market that should now be rising to the surface of many consistent readers minds.  These stocking fillers will throw out any wasted time you may spend during the holiday season and beyond, in trying to impress the one you have vainly had your eye on for the last 12 months.  I hate to be a dampener in this season to be jolly, but call me the loving Scrooge who is saving you mistletoe money and an aching heart, if you will.

Nice Guy                                                         Good Guy                               Jerk
1          2          3          4          5          6          7          8          9          10

Santa Nice Guy or Rudolph Jerk?

If the woman you are hitting on is the standard 10% to 15% hotter than you – as you will see in most heterosexual relationships under the female age of 35 - lean towards being a jerk.  On a general scale of 1 to 10 in ascending jerkiness when the circumstance is “man meets hotter woman”, aim for 6 to 7 in the early stages.  The hotter the woman, or the bigger the visual gap in her favour, the more of a jerk you will need to be.

If you’re hitting on a woman who is not as hot as you, then why the hell are you?  Seriously though, on the assumption that you are keen on her for other mitigating reasons, the pitch should be nearer 5.  One day you should be a nice guy, followed by at least one day of jerkiness.  When the physical blessings are roughly a match, the same process applies with the variant of starting at 6 as opposed to 5.

If you’re a good looking guy with a similar impressive looking woman in gender relativity, the pitch should be 6.  If she is slightly hotter than you, adjust to 7.  If she is cute but not hot, adjust to 5 ½.  Unlike average and ugly looking men, who have to keep a woman challenged from the first moment, a good looking man already captures the female eyes and an element of her uncertainty.  This automated assumption by women (especially women that don’t know the man personally) that he is a player or a jerk means he needs to show more vulnerability, attainability and proof of being a loyal boyfriend.  However, don’t lean too far to the nice guy side.  Good looks for men are not as valuable as an attitude that keeps a woman on her toes.

If a woman tells you she always falls for bad boys, realize this is through subconscious choice and not misfortune.  It’s never a bad time to remember that there are 6 nice guys for every 1 jerk, so a woman wouldn’t pick the 1 black ball in the bag over the 6 red balls every time.  With this in mind, comprehension of her holding predilections for jerks due to her innate character is imperative.  It would be easy for a nice guy to believe he is the one who can save her, but rest assured he will be the one to lose her by being too nice.  With a woman of this kind, a man should lean towards 8 to 9.  Only when he is confident she deserves, and requires, an element of romance should he tame the apathy down a level or two.

If a woman is the typical sweet, innocent and “butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth” type – as most girls come across and convince people they are – don’t let this cloud your objectivity.  Most women will always put their own welfare first, and if a better male option came along they would leave without a tear in their eye.  Most often, this departure is down to men acting too nice rather than too much of a jerk.  Women will tell you the opposite, but this is only to hold down their integrity.  With very little else to go on, pitch early on at 4 or 7.  Astute character judgement is necessary when contemplating the low end or high side.  If pitching at 4, this is risky because some women may lose rapid interest through concerns of a man being too nice.  But in most cases her ego boost that immediately emotes will give you this leeway.  Ensure you gradually move to 5 or 6 (from 4) in the scale sooner rather than later.  If pitching at 7 – hence more of a jerk – this is less risk orientated in the early stages due to confirmation you are not a supplicated guy and you have other things going on in your life.  If it’s clearly working well, stay at 7 but throw in isolated nice guy days.  If you feel you’re losing her due to her thoughts of your lack of interest, throw in an act of 3 or 4 before moving back to 7.  If in doubt, always start at 7 rather than 4. 

If the woman has an incredibly big ego and high self-opinion, don’t even think of pitching on the lower side of 7.  This is all the more pertinent if she is very physically attractive.  You may as well not even go there in the first place unless you hold desires for failure in the first week.  Women who are graced with huge egos are only there because they are surrounded by nice guys, uglier female friends and passive parents who have allowed them to feel like they deserve to wear a crown on the ever growing head.  These women may like this, but they don’t respect it.  Fundamentally, a starting ground pitch of 8 is required.  Any higher, and the roll of the dice is that her pride rules over her needs.  In other words, the ego inside talks louder than the respect she has for someone not idolizing her, and she may just move on before you can even take it any further.  But if lower than 8 she may simply tar you with the same brush as the growing flock of nice guys.  A woman of this nature needs an immediate kick up the backside to realization of her true place in the world.  Only throw in gratitude days of affection, time and money when she has given reason for her to deserve it.

If the woman is cute but clearly insecure, natural nice guys are tailor made for this female compartment.  Although the majority of these women will still have instinctive and sexual thoughts for more edgy men who are high in demand and low in commitment, most women in this bracket will convince their mind that the only types of men they need are excessive nice guys.  These women are rarely seen on girl’s nights out, so they haven’t been as exposed to bad boys as much as their more daring and attention seeking female peers.  A cuddly night in with her unwanted boyfriend beats all this.  At least, this is what she tells herself.  A nice guy can pitch at 1 or 2 and still get away with it.  She may become bored, but her faithfulness and loyalty is usually the reward.

The snap-shot explanations show a relative trend, and this should never be far from the mind of a man when in interaction with his girlfriend or female target: 

Too much of an extreme (1 to 2 or 9 to 10) is rarely going to be beneficial.  Excluding the magnified insecure woman, if only one extreme pitch could be taken then it should be to the jerk biased side.  The law of minimum effort for maximum results should be stamped on a na├»ve man’s forehead. 

Generally speaking, the hotter the girl, the more inclined she is to go for jerks.  This also applies for many cute girls who think they are hot.  This trend will show a gradual shift to the left as she gets older (in particular post 23), but her mindset will move slower than her physical decline.  Simply put, if a woman was once very hot and often found with the biggest jerks, she will refuse to change her ways before accepting jerks no longer want her.  Further put, she will refuse to believe men no longer find her attractive even if they have stopped looking at her.  So in the younger years – when she is hot – an extreme jerk with high social status is the ideal match.  As she gets older, men can (even if they shouldn’t) get away with a more even scaled approach.  Wealthy nice guys will frequently be found with this once but declining hot woman post her 23rd birthday, and more often still as her 25 year landmark approaches, but it tends to be a relationship based on her terms and his gratitude. 

Nevertheless, for the general process the message should be clear.  You wouldn’t train your body at the gym with the same exercises with the same intensity every time if you held desires for lasting improvements.  You wouldn’t stay in the same role of the exact same job at a lifelong company if career progression was your goal.  You wouldn’t eat the same meals each and every evening if the fulfillment of variation brought about different enjoyments.  And you wouldn’t go to the same holiday destination during the block-booked 2 weeks of every year if experiences and memories are what motivate you to get out of bed in the morning. 

Women are no different.  If a man acts with the same demeanour all the time she will soon find herself living in a mundane world.  As women aren’t very proactive in changing up their lives, they expect a man to do it for them.  As much as women will say they hold ambitions to find a really nice guy, this is their egos talking rather than their hearts.  Similarly, women may like the thrill of a jerk’s unpredictable and care-free traits, but eventually they look for someone more responsible. 

During my days in hospital, I was constantly alongside a heart rate monitor that moved up and down.  Being an investor in equities, I’m certainly not alien to the highs and lows of profit and loss on a daily basis.  Maybe these two charts were trying to tell me something.  Women, and their intensive emotions, require something not so dissimilar.    

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