“It’s better to fail aiming high than to succeed aiming low.”
That quote came from the mouth of a friend of mine back in the days when he practically stalked the same girl for two years during further education. He would have been boxing way above his weight had he secured her, and I dare say he wouldn’t have had a clue in how to deal with her had he struck lucky. But he still pursued anyway, despite the invisibility he portrayed when she was no more than a yard away from him. Only when he did finally get his hands on some plain girl did his college love know he was alive. Who can blame a horny and naïve 16 year old boy?
Readers of my blog will know that I’m a strong believer and advocator in the powers of pre-selection for men when vying to attract a target woman. This isn’t just a passing thought or attempts to piss women off. I have better things to do than that. I base my concepts on what I believe is the truth, and nothing can surpass, in my opinion, the powers of what you see when women and men are interacting or in close proximity. In terms of pre-selection and how female emotions are altered, even scientific studies prove evidence to this being the case.
However, this post will point out variables to how far pre-selection can be beneficial, or in fact be disadvantageous. I don’t see this as a contradiction to my stance, because the logic of male pre-selection stands up. That is, pre-selection is a huge draw for men when they are not striking women’s attention on the visuals alone. As the lion’s share (>95%) of men will fall into the compartment based on average looks – a physical attractiveness level that won’t turn many women’s heads on immediate passing - my general view applies to the general male population.
For a moment I’ll focus on this bulk demographic. Men of average looks will not strike the instinctive eyes of women, just like average looking women will not pick up much spotlight from male periphery. Exceptions will occur. For example, men with unbelievable high sex drives will look at any women with reproductive facility, and some women with the likewise urges may act in similar fashion with uglier men. But these scenarios do not represent the norms. Men and women, with isolated cross-over preferences, will always know what is hot and what is not.
Naturally, men who do acquire little or no attention from women based on their looks will need to bridge the gap in other ways. This will usually come in the strongest form by the way of social status on nights out and social environments, or occupational status to illustrate power and confidence in workplace situations. Below this tier sit men who can display advanced levels of personality, charisma or wealth. The tier below this will be a man convincing a woman that he is dependable, reliable and a good provider. It’s no coincidence that men who are blessed with status and extreme monetary resources are usually seen with the most physically attractive women, and those who rely on more organic desirables are walking alongside women with less beauty.
But if men are just run of the mill in most metrics – as the majority of men are – how else can a man be deemed as more attractive and appealing to a woman who is indifferent with his existence at best? This is where pre-selection takes over. Women are competitive creatures, and they love a challenge. It never gets past my inner smiles for the number of times I’ve seen the perennial man who showers a woman with compliments, efforts and supplication. She isn’t interested in him, but she does like the attention. However, when he throws in the words of “a girlfriend”, suddenly the woman who barely knew he existed incorporates behavioural change. Gone is the disinterest, and come is the intrigue. Of course, this isn’t an emotional mood in his favour that lasts long, but if he was clued up he could use it to his advantage. But the poor guy will always be that infatuated with the hotter girl that he would leave his girlfriend at the drop of a hat. Once the woman captures him away from his commitment, the game has been won. He no longer is worth anything to her.
The same applies in bars and clubs. A woman can be dancing near an average looking man who she hasn’t even noticed, yet all it will take is for another woman to strike up conversation with him and her eyes will lean over. The intrigue alone captivates her visual projection. If the woman who he interacts with is as hot as her, or even slightly hotter, this will all the more hit her sexual buttons. Because a woman who knows she is hotter than the indicated man will rarely be intimidated in being with this man by seeing him with another female of aesthetic parity to her. Her reassurance of being hotter than him is enough to comfort any insecurities that may exist.
Where pre-selection for a man becomes a little more complex is when he is of good looking luxury. If he possesses a good body and height to match then this only further compounds this consideration. Remember that a man blessed with the tri-combination of facial features, body profile and height will be more physically attractive than 99% of women looking at their best in relative terms. You can pretty much say without too much doubt that a man who falls into this category will look better than 100% of women when the view is one of waking up first thing in the morning. Nearly all women do not take kindly to both these predicaments. A minority of women (15%), whilst living in discomfort of this circumstance, will not let it stand in the way if he can offer her other desirable factors.
Unlike his lesser looking male counterparts, a good looking man will have already captured the glances of nearly all women in that particular environment. Unless it just so happened to be a film premiere with a conveyor belt of celebrities, the typical social gathering will not fire out inundated eye catching men for it to become second nature. With this in mind, men who stand out bring about a different emotion for women. They automatically perceive this man to have many options in the sexual field, therefore interaction with women in great numbers will conceivably act as a drawback. Even most cute women and many hot women will always think he is accustomed to having what he wants with almost any woman. What women don’t see, or comprehend, is that the majority of these women are thinking the same way – that every other woman finds him attractive so she leaves alone to protect herself from probable hurt.
Nevertheless, as women are fundamentally turned on by men who other women find attractive, it would be foolish to think it is prudent to over-compensate in easing women’s weaknesses. By not talking to any female pursuit – that can be an arrogant consequence of being a good looking man – it allows a lesser looking man to take advantage of this. There is a far more likely chance of a woman finding an average looking man who interacts with women more appealing than a good looking man who only talks to other men. A balance is required.
I have had nights out as a single guy when I’ve worn an engagement band. The reason behind this is to somewhat eradicate the general female consensus and perception of me being a sexual player. Enough women have said this to make it more than my own thought. Pre-selection is beneficial, but there are parameters to not jump beyond. My friend criticizes me for this choice of jewelry, as he thinks it will only put women off in seeing me as unattainable. He has a point. Women may instinctively be attracted to a guy who shows proof of another woman loving him, but they can easily assume, if he is good looking, that his loved one is way hotter than the rest of them. “Why would he choose me over her”, she asks.
So the conclusion, for men, is a little cloudy. For most men – average looking or above average looking - pre-selection will almost always have benefits over adversaries. Ugly men would benefit even more from proof of female love. Rarely will female attention act as anything but advantageous. But for good looking men, they need to tread a little more carefully.
With women, the path takes on the opposite effect if they are looking to appeal to the masses of men. I know this goes against the natural female inclination for the need of male attention, but the truth is the truth. I think I speak for almost all men when I say that we prefer women who are not talking to every other man that walks past. Men aren’t turned on by pre-selected women in the same way women are tuned towards pre-selected men. They don’t hold down that emotional competitive edge in the same way as women do, and they don’t need validation that she is worth having. The visuals are all he needs on first impressions. A man is more likely to approach a woman he hasn’t seen talking to other men, and equally more prone to take oversight to a woman he finds attractive but wonders where she has been.
The same process applies with long term relationship consideration. Men, by enlarge, prefer women who have only had a handful of previous sexual partners. Women, true to their illogical nature, will often find men with reputations of many past lovers more attractive than those loyal and less experienced.
This is where women, who make a big deal about how unfair it is that men get away with an abundance of sexual partners yet the female equivalents do not, dig their own grave. If women didn’t go running to these men, even with knowledge of their sexual expeditions, fewer men would act in this way. In this respect, the female argument doesn’t stack up. Surely if they hate men of this kind so much then they’d just find a good loyal man – as most men are. But strangely, even women who show distastes to this subject bizarrely find their path to men of this kind. As always, the ball’s in the ladies court, but don’t come running to me for sympathy if you are one of the “unlucky” ones who bizarrely and continuously falls in the arms of a bad boy over the hoards of nice guys.