Wednesday 12 November 2014

Men lacking knowledge and strategy in the sexual market… and why they date down

“He who knows no better, will do no better.”

Many of the posts on this blog will allude to and offer evidence that, generally speaking, the majority of couples walking hand in hand will involve the female physical attractiveness level being greater than the equivalent male’s physical allure.  On the assumption that most of these relationships will have an age gap of no more than 7 years, this consensus – of the woman being more pleasing to the eye of neutral observers than the man – will be most prevalent when the woman is below the age of 35.  As the female age creeps beyond 35, and this time often strikes before, you will start to notice the tables to turn where a greater number of men will now be the better looking of the two.  The simple explanation to this change around is that women age at a faster speed than men do, and in addition to this, if a man takes care of his lifestyle he can potentially be more physically attractive in his 30s in comparison to his 20s.  By and large, women do not have this evolving luxury.

I stand by this viewpoint, and based on my objective and unbiased take on things, the observations show a stronger trend towards a dynamic of better looking woman syndrome since the latter part of 2008 within the UK.  However, it has always been there as long as I can remember, and these are the 3 outline explanations:

  • Whether from the high, average or low category of physical attractiveness, women will publically be more eye catching than a man of relative standing.  Most people (95%+ of women and 98%+ of men) between the most relevant ages of 15 to 54 will fall into the average looking or worse category.  So even when two average looking people get together, the enhancement of make-up and facial foundations will result in the woman being more striking.  With all this in mind, and with all else equal, many women will have no choice but to select a lesser looking man on the sheer numbers analysis alone.
  • Women are not as prone to focus on male looks as men are in picking out female physical beauty.  Women, amongst an array of sexual appeal and partner suitability requirements, may only place a man’s looks as the 6th highest priority.  On the other hand, nearly all men place maximum emphasis, with exceptions of occasional cheap lays, on the way a woman looks.  This all manifests in the majority of women compromising on a man who will sexually optimize her in favour of one who will likely be a more loyal and efficient partner for the future.
  • As much as women may deny it, they generally possess low trust levels, low confidence, high insecurity and high egoism issues when facing the possibility of being alongside a man who is equally or more physically attractive.  Of course this differs in relevance to their character, but in comparison to men it is almost absolute.  Flip the dynamic, and it is very unlikely a less attractive man would turn down an opportunity with a more beautiful woman on these discomforting considerations.  So even if many women find a man physically arousing, they will often choose a safer bet in order to ease these nagging feelings inside.

Now with these prominent observations, I will sound like a total hypocrite when I state that all but one of my network of male friends (approximately 20 close friends) are either dating down on a visual blessings analysis, or at best, they are on the same level as their respective girlfriends or wives.  One immediate thought to this curious contradiction to the normal course of events is that they are nearly all average looking nice guys.  But then most men are nice guys, and even a high percentage of these men are dating up.  My friends seem to break the trend.  Something doesn’t add up.

One of the 20 as mentioned has a theoretical knowledge of interaction strategy (game) with women.  I know this because he has sent me various links in the past.  He is 28 years of age, he holds an above average looking rating of 7.25/10, he is 6ft 3 inches in height, and he has a relatively high local social status within the city of Nottingham.  He is decent paid with good personality.  With these metrics, he is in an excellent position to secure a younger woman of 8/10 rating on the 10% upgrading process alone. You will find most hot women with above average looking men.  I will admit these hot women, even from the low side of hotness, are rare to find, but he should be with someone who is cute at least.  Strangely, he is in a long term relationship with a 41 year old woman with two children from previous endeavours.  I know he had a bad break-up post University with a high maintenance woman of his own age, and this has clearly dented his confidence.  On nights out, it is evident to me how he shoots below his league when choosing to interact with female targets.

Another close friend, who is now married to the woman, leaves it even harder to solve the puzzle.  Although his teeth leave much to be desired through a near lifetime of smoking, I rate him as 8/10 on the physical scale.  In my opinion, he stands at the ideal male height of 6ft 1 inch to 6ft 2 inches.  Add to this his natural charm, charisma and confident demeanour, in addition to his lead singing status in a local band, and he really has a great deal to offer.  Yet his chosen wife is 5 years his senior with an adult son from a previous relationship.  She is nothing to look at.  My friend has certainly lived the promiscuous lifestyle in his younger years, although not many of these short term encounters were of the highest calibre.  I can only assume he somehow fell in love with her personality.  I was actually with him on the New Year’s Eve night he met up with her.  Suddenly, before I knew they were officially dating arrived the news she was pregnant.  The rest is history.

In the case of the second friend, he does have my sympathies to an extent.  As a guy of similar physical attractiveness rating, I know how hard it is to get past the majority of female issues in knowing how the lion’s share of women stray away from being with a man who can captivate an audience.  In relatively small populated cities, there are never going to be inundated numbers of women who are 8/10+ walking the streets.  And most of the cute girls (>7/10 to <8/10) will reject a man of this grade.  Nevertheless, I also know that with the right amount of patience, and with other attributes to throw on the table, this bridge can be built to gain access to the required destination. 

I believe that men who choose to “date down”, or men who have no faith in themselves to “date up”, lack the following 3 basic principles that prevent them from taking the logical step:

  • They lack the necessary interaction strategy with women, in not knowing how to interact efficiently to acquire their projected attraction.  There are numerous informative blogs that cover such methods, and this blog is not intended to dive deep into it.  As a snapshot though: concealing obvious interest, demonstrating higher value (DHV), statements that neither compliment or insult (aka “negs”) and comfort feeling are just a mention of effective processes.  In truth, eradicating bad habits – like poor body language and talking excessively – will go a long way alone to improve strategic interaction with women.
  • A comprehension of female emotional psychology is required.  Although I wouldn’t state this as a blanket theory, a valid conception would be to act opposite to logic.  If women state they crave for nice guys, act relatively adverse to this.  If you think they are not attracted to taken men, think again.  Almost every time you stroke a woman’s ego you are actually rowing the wrong way to hitting her long term sexual and respect buttons onto you.  This blog is predominantly based on the study of female psychology, and it covers a wide range of topics to consider.
  • Perhaps most importantly is for men to acknowledge a woman’s limitations, no matter how objectively beautiful, cute or hot she may be, and to understand how unfeasible their verbal demands and requirements are.  A woman’s mission is to sell her worth to the world and, to a point, nobody can blame a person for striving to bring as much food to the table in a limited buffet opening window.  But there falls the point: a woman rarely becomes more valuable to a man after he has shot his bolt in her for the first time, and most women are secretly aware of it.  This appreciation of a small pinnacle sexual market value timeframe, alongside self-confession to an early depreciation date (in the context of a lifetime), forces them to feed their egos to achieve as much as possible within a plausible delivery period.  In any case, this is often only a subconscious test to a man’s value.  If he passes the tests, and he doesn’t buckle to the demands, the likelihood is that she will only love him more.  If a man is reluctant to venture into a liaison with a perceived high maintenance woman, and the uncaring attitude that may go with her, he would do well to remember that for every passing day of the relationship, especially from the female age of 25 onwards, the balance of power has an imperceptible way of shifting in a man’s favor.  This is unless there is a financial imbalance from a man’s positive perspective, and they get married without a pre-nuptial agreement.  When this is the circumstance, weigh the scales once more towards the woman.

So in truth, and when all things considered, a leverage of interaction strategy, knowledge of female psychology and acknowledgement of a woman’s limitations, in its theory at least, is very important in order for men to grade up.  But never forget, even the most studious of men in this field are near on a complete waste of time if they do not attain the baseline confidence and attitude that is imperative in climbing the ladder of female quality. 

It is a valid lesson to remember that almost every man would choose to be with a woman who is more physically attractive than he is in relative terms.  The reason it doesn’t always happen with men in their 20s and 30s is because only a small percentage of them truly believe they can grade up.  Most men are not very observant, and they can also be naïve in thinking women view physical attraction and partner suitability in the same way as they do.  Further to this, men hold the conception that the more beautiful she is, the bigger the ego and the more draining she will be on his energy and financial exertions.  This is true in general terms, but as explained, men with comprehension and how to handle women can overcome these obstacles.  There is a limit to the “upgrading” facility, but at least 10% above their own grade should be achievable to most men.

On the other hand, although women are no different to men in respect to being more sexually aroused by higher physically attractive members of the opposite sex, the female emotions cause them to very rarely seek out a man who is as physically alluring as she could secure within her attainability grasp.

Finally, just in case any readers are wondering about the friend who is boxing above his weight, he is no great looker.  What he did take pleasure on in doing during our college days was to stand nest to any of us in urinals and be amused in displaying and exploiting his manhood prowess.  The size of this is irrelevant, as it is the confidence within his boner bones that allowed him to pin down his current wife.  Right place, right time and right mind are the ingredients for unconditional success.

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