“To a man, rejection should be seen as reflection.
To a woman, rejection can seem like a fatality of dejection.”
It was only the other day when I recollected moments from my naïve days of understanding women. So often on nights out they would interact in the ways women do - like pretending to accidently bump into you, flicking their hair in your direction, finding excuses to touch you, and on the rare occasion actually verbally engaging directly. They were sometimes physically attractive women, although more often they were a couple of grades below. In most cases I was oblivious to their interest. So as a circular process analysis, this is what tended to happen:
- The women showed interest.
- I wasn’t aware of their interest and desire for me to interact.
- I consequently ignored their advances.
- They became keener due my apathetic emotions.
- They lost interest after a few minutes of me showing no interest.
To reminisce even more on the times when I did engage after picking up on their hints and glances, more often than not they consequently repelled or denied showing any previous emotions towards me. One theory to this is that they maybe weren’t even looking in the first place? The more likely explanation is, no matter how physically attractive women find a man, if he gives up the challenge too easily or too soon she can quickly lose her attraction. Do nothing, and he gains nothing. What an illogical and complex world we live in. Nevertheless, after all said and done, and although much rarer than in comparison to men, women will engage with men in the same way, shape or form. It is just usually more discrete and in a process in order to avoid blatant rejection.
For those who have the odd gamble on the horses, this analogy will sound familiar. Imagine there are two horses to consider in the race - one horse is 2/1 odds against and the other horse is 50/1 odds against. In order to gain £100 profit from the 50/1 shot, you only need to invest £2. To achieve the same profit on the 2/1 horse you would need to invest £50. Both options will bring the same reward, no more or no less. The long shot offers little investment, emotion or fear of losing, whilst the short odds manifest the opposing feelings of much investment, far more apprehensive emotions, and a greater fear of the consequences in receiving nothing back. If a physically attractive woman in this dynamic is the one placing the 2/1 bet, and an average looking woman is the one staking the 50/1 horse, then this is how each of them will view and assess the thoughts of being rejected by a man they are attracted to.
Whether on a night out, during a day time activity, or even internet dating sites, a man can find himself being engaged by a less visually beautiful woman than his own level in relative terms. Usually, in the manner men prioritize their attraction criteria on females, this will mean it is a woman less attractive than the type he seeks out. In this same period of time, the same man can find himself being turned down and rejected by more physically attractive women than the women he has been engaged by, although they may be no higher than his own rating. For a time it is a justifiable reason for him to doubt his own physical attractiveness, or even his other sexual market value characteristics. He can question if he is in fact as good looking as he thinks he is, or how he believes he once was.
A month later he sees that hot girl who rejected him, and she is seen with an average looking man. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but when everyone else has the same view of his mediocre looks, a man with a lack of understanding to female emotive preferences can be left scratching his head. However, this predicament of the beautiful woman with average looking men should tell him everything he needs to know, but the explanation is relatively straight forward after a number of experiences and observations of this kind. Obliviousness of reality is prone to those who live in denial of the truth.
Like usual, this whole procedure goes against the immediate logical thinking. You would expect a physically attractive woman to have more confidence to put her courage out there and ask men out. We can assume the better looking she is, the more likely it is the guy will positively receive her advances. The equal assumption is, unless it is with a man equal or less attractive than her, there is no way an average looking woman will aim to interact with a man, especially a good looking man. However, this isn’t the normal course of events in either case.
The critical words in these two scenarios are expectation and consequence. The lesser looking woman of the two almost expects to be rejected by a handsome guy. She won’t take kindly to rejection, but like backing the long shot horse, her consequence is a mindset of everything to gain and little to lose. Now take the better looking woman. Beauty is everything to a hot girl, as women require external validation far more than their male counterparts. It is like her main purpose and privilege in life. Whilst they may fake it, this segment of women are low in natural confidence, and when seeing the reflection in the morning they know a long term with a good looking man may leave him turning his face up at her. This is her perception rather than reality, but as explained in previous chapters, perceptiveness rules over the truth. In addition, if she hasn’t dated any good looking men in her relationship life span, or she has had one bad experience with a hot guy, she will believe they are all the same. An average looking man offers her a more comfortable feeling within herself.
In the short period of time I participated in internet dating, I collated experiences to form a view that substantiates this theory. I sent messages to physically attractive women and they never responded. Less attractive women, or women who would be judged to be less physically attractive by the mass populations, strangely sent messages to me. Further to this, research was undertaken on an internet dating website. The findings were clear - women graded eighty percent of men on the database as unattractive looking, yet the majority of messages they sent were to these men. In simple terms, they pro-acted with men they didn’t find visually alluring, but who they were confident they would receive a response with.
Internet dating is just one element of emotional attraction that spells out how women take subconscious choices in male suitability for dating and relationships. Safety and egoism should never be underestimated when analyzing how they think. Safety avoids rejection, and egoism is created by attention. An average looking or ugly man to a beautiful woman will achieve both accomplishments. In her mind he will appreciate her more, he will offer her comfort, he will give her more attention, and as a result of all these, it will inflate her ego. The average looking woman isn’t so much living in a bubble of self-consciousness, insecurity, self-value necessity and ego requirement. Throughout her life she hasn’t received all the attention from friends, teachers, mentors, family and inundated beta males.
A childhood analysis of this situation comes in the roles of the ugly nursery girl alongside the cute kid. The cute little girl always has boys wanting to give her toys to play with, and in turn she never even considered there being a boy who didn’t want to mess around with her. On the other side of the room sat the uglier girl who was often alone. It was seldom for any boy to throw anything in pleasure at her, and she accustomed herself in believing nobody truly valued her. If she did ask another child to play with her, it didn’t matter as much if they agreed or ran away. Twenty years on, life hasn’t changed dramatically in this analysis. With this in mind, rejection isn’t the preconceived fatality of emotion and sour feeling to a less physically attractive woman that is often seen upon by the prettier looking woman standing to her right.
I’ve said for a long time now that cute women with above average looks – typically 7/10 in aesthetic rating – who are sharp minded in the way the sexual market works, could sweep up a lot of men who are a grade above them in physical attractiveness. In addition, these men could also be high value. If they are clued up to the real life evidence that their more beautiful looking female counterparts are rarely with equally good looking men, and they are aware these reasons are formed mainly through insecurity, trust issues and egoism consciousness of these women, they would live in the knowledge that men of high looks scale would be more than happy to venture on with them in emotional terms. This would be even more motivating for men if these women also held a good degree of personality, consideration to others, and an ability to not take themselves too seriously. However, even if they were aware of the pronounced occurrences, women who hold fortitude to take things to the next step are still few and far between. Women in general, irrespective of their physical attractiveness level, simply take imperceptible decisions, but sometimes conscious choices, to not be with men better looking than they are.