Wednesday 8 January 2014

Understanding the mind of an attractive woman

“When we decide to let someone back into our life, we can be forgiven in believing the second chance we have given them offers us the security our heart now begs for.  We take faith in the belief that they surely could never turn their back on us again, and we hope their retrospective lessons learnt are the reason they have returned.  But in reality, if the doubts, lies and betrayals were committed once, they will just as easily be committed again, and never could we be so insecure and vulnerable to their next move.”

Observant people who take a thorough interest in human interaction and social dynamics will rarely go a day without seeing an attractive woman walking hand in hand with an average looking man.  And for good looking men who have had a fair share of recent rejections from these kinds of women, it’s a fair assumption they are getting a little frustrated in seeing this kind of scenario.

From my experience, a woman’s attraction mind and how she chooses a person from the opposite sex will often evolve in this way:

Stage 1: A girl going through maturity at school (14 to 17 years)

Remember the pretty 15 year old girl in your year at school?  The one you mentally masturbated over for weeks on end before you processed the likewise over her pretty friend who sat next to her in French class?  Do you recall her being picked up by the boy a year or two older who waited outside the school in his poor excuse for a car?  He wasn’t very good looking at all, but he was popular and older.  So we will label her act at this stage as a motivation of popularity.  He could be labeled as a young bad boy.

Stage 2:  Venturing to bars and parties (18 years to early 20s)

So now she’s started to meet more guys away from her usual school or village network, and it is more of an open playing field for all the males.  Her mind has developed a little to one of how a guy will make her look, and a “hot” guy is what she sees on television, so a visually impressive guy is what she wants to score.  He will give her an ego boost in raising her external status in the eyes of her female friends.  She knows her friends think he’s cute, so this makes her feel special in herself.  And of course, this kind of guy is the one who gets her heart beating the most, but the emotional feeling will be secondary in comparison to her perceived status from others.   

Stage 3:  The thoughts of settling down (mid 20s onwards)

At this stage in her life she has attained popular guys, good looking guys, and quite often a guy who was both of these.  She will, if she balances out the experiences, most likely have had some who treated her well and some who did not.  However, few women rationalize, and it is more likely she will consider herself so unlucky that all of them treated her less than she thought she deserved to be treated.  In her mind, none of these negative experiences had anything to do with her conscious or subconscious decisions.  In addition to this, she will have gathered thoughts like:

  • Good looking guys are too cocky.
  • Good looking guys are players and will cheat.
  • Good looking guys are vain.
  • She wants and needs to look better than the guy she is alongside.
  • She deserves to be with a guy who will idolize her.

It is apparent that in the first three thoughts, she would probably say them out loud.  However, by admitting to the last two, this would be seen as a sign of weakness, therefore these considerations would remain in silent and unspoken territory.  Of course they all lead to the likelihood that she is heading in the direction of an average looking beta male.  She is not going to say the words of “it’s time in my life I find a less attractive man who will give me what I want”.  Her more likely statement is one of “I just need someone who will treat me right.  I deserve that”.  The word “need”, as opposed to “want”, should be carefully noted with distinction.

Women at this stage in their lives (settling down stage) are sometimes too clever for their own good.  They have cast this assumption over time - often without a wide range of proof - that the better looking a man is the more likely he is to bring her unhappiness in her life.  This could be unproven logics in the form of cheating, lying, a lack of appreciation of her beauty, and the dwindling of her self-value.  This is true with some good looking men, but women can disqualify the genuine ones on the back of just one similar experience.  In contrast, she has formed a belief that the more attractive she is against her male partner in relative terms, the happier she will be in herself.  This is a crucial mistake. 

To be fair, she got part of this right.  This average looking (even below average-looking) guy will carry out the most beta acts – place her on a pedestal, do anything for her, and basically be her living puppet of a boyfriend.  The problem is these acts only make her happier in terms of safety, security and value in her existence.  They don’t succeed in making her emotionally happy.  And emotional happiness, and that tingle to be with someone, is what truly keeps two people together.  No amount of money, pampering or idolizing will float her visceral boat over time.

So why does an attractive woman usually stray away from her emotional compulsions to choose and take this journey?  Well, think of a typical girl growing up in a household where her mother and father stayed together.  Daddy would have provided for her as much he could, agreed with most of what she said (just for a quiet life…unless she was totally out of line), and he’d have treated her like the precious princess who no man is good enough for.  Mummy would have given her all the “most beautiful girl in the world” and “my little girl deserves only the best” kind of lines.  So there’s no wonder how this woman, even in her mid to late 20s, believes she should be with someone who gives her everything.  These are her thoughts at this stage, and she even bypasses any conscious assessment of how he will emotionally make her tick.  It’s more about what he can do for her as opposed to how he makes me feel.  She probably knows that most alpha males, who in her mind are the better looking men, will not provide for her in a way a beta male will do so.  To assume women decide not to be with alpha males for the long term is a somewhat fallacy.  They in fact are forced towards beta males due to not being able to find edgier men to commit to them.  It is a simple case of supply and demand in the sexual market: there are many more average looking nice guys in the world in relation to the numbers of physically attractive women.  However, there are more pretty faced women in comparison to good looking high calibre men.  Eventually, something has to give.

 This whole process goes against the usual trend of women acting on emotion rather than logic.  In this case it appears she is acting on logic rather than emotion.  By choosing this
kind of man she is satisfying how she will feel in emotions to feel good in herself - safety, being idolized, being spoilt, having material gifts (as he will believe he has to do this in order to keep her), and feeling more value in herself (alongside someone who is less physically attractive).  She isn’t, consciously at least, acknowledging he will not send her heart racing in emotional chemistry terms.  This partnership can work for so long, and from the nice guy’s perspective the more money he keeps earning, and if he gets her pregnant, the longer it will last.  But if I was that guy, there wouldn’t be many days I wouldn’t ask myself if she is still happy.  She will hide from the question for so long, cultivating a relationship with abundant missing pieces, but it is like an impending nightmare that one night will occur.

The more I live, the more situations I see like this – a physically attractive woman with less physically appealing man.  Whilst far less frequent in comparison, I’m beginning to see a higher quantity of physically attractive men with a slightly less physically attractive woman in relativity.  The latter observation is a negligible increase, but one not so small to be unpronounced.  Unfortunately, most men have innate urges in their mind to find a woman at least as visually pleasing as themselves, so with more women taking this approach, he has a few options:

  • Find a less attractive woman.
  • Be a good looking man with beta traits – and likely lose her for being unchallenging.
  • Believe in your current stature, focus on strengths like humility, modesty and being genuine, and aspire for the day that a strong minded, secure and attractive woman is out there.

The choice should always be the one that allows you to look yourself in the mirror with pride and positive anticipation for a new day.

A useful dynamic to observe is when a very good looking and charismatic man approaches a physically attractive woman in a bar amongst her friends.  If she isn’t a female indicative of extreme shy, hostile or jealous traits, and on the basis he shows humility and a balanced interest, she will be receptive to his interaction and conversation.  After a few minutes, the likelihood is she will be intimately interested in taking it a stage further.  It’s no coincidence that, more often than not, the woman’s female peers will use tactics to pull her away or give her advice to not trust him.  These actions and words will be with no substantiation at all, and they can be from friends of all visual scales – ugly, average looking or high scale beauty.  If an average looking man, or an above average looking man, engages with the same woman in the next bar, her friends will now leave her alone or push her more towards him in a literal sense or by the verbal use of positivity in respect to his character. 

The explained scenario does not take a highly astute person to conclude to why this process happens.  Predominantly these are women who do not have the fortitude or emotional security to be with a man of high physical attractiveness – or in the lesser looking female cases they see him as unattainable – but they also do not desire their more courageous and less insecure friends, who prioritize visceral feelings above all other suitability, to carry out opportunities with the best looking of men.

The biggest loser in this whole dynamic is the woman who was approached.  The man will simply move on in realization that women are interchangeable, and he will give another woman a chance who is stronger in terms of dismissing her friend’s own agendas.  The woman’s acquaintances are the biggest winners on the face of it, as they succeed in being in mundane, but safe, relationships with less physically attractive men, whilst reaping weak satisfaction from the knowledge their friends are doing likewise.  The reason the approached woman is the person in the worst position is simple: not only is she being driven towards men who do not give her butterflies, but more importantly, she may one day live in resentment of her friends, and regrets with herself, to the fact that she wakes up wondering what could have been.

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