Tuesday 1 November 2022

Gym discipline, remaining monogamous, and maintaining integrity


                 “You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.”                         (Zig Zigler)


Reader Rolexhandyman asks for advice on the above three topics within this post title. 

Is there any chance you can make a post about your stealth discipline on going to the gym, remaining monogamous and keeping your integrity no matter the circumstances. Thank you, im going back to your archives, as I read one article every day and study your writings.

I offer the following:

Gym Discipline

I always remember seeing a quick video clip from LL Cool J about fifteen years ago.  Even then he would have been knocking on the door, if not already there, of forty years of age.

Now without proof, I would tend to think there was a fair chance he was on some kind of enhancement juice.  I certainly do not advise or condone this, especially as someone who likes to get to destinations in life the natural way.  With that said, and with consideration to the health risks of steroids or similar substances, it is only fair to say that it is a quick cheat way for men to look in better physique than the demanding work and discipline it takes via the natural course. 

LL Cool J was always well known, in addition to his (in my opinion, mediocre at best) rapping, for his cheese grater abdominals.  Again, this would most likely have been heavily assisted by induced benefits.  Nevertheless, I can never forget his words to the effect that in spite of getting older, it gave him great motivation and pleasure to try and maintain his excellent physique for as long as age feasibility allows.

In a nutshell, these words stayed with me for as long as I have lived, and it has given me the zealousness to never be one of those men who starts to slack off, piles on the pounds, and be proud to have a notorious (although some women insincerely claim they are attracted to it) “Dad Bod”.  I let myself slip around twelve years during a six-month relationship with a woman – where I put on two stone in this timeframe – and I vowed to never let this happen again.  I have stood by my word to this day.  For the record, this two stone leverage was down to a bad diet, as I trained in the gym just as much and as hard.

Q-tip 1:                                                                                                                                     You cannot out train a bad diet.  A good diet is worth double of a solid gym regime.

In essence, this would be my biggest advice on gym discipline.  It is not hard to get a session in during a day that consists of twenty-four hours.  I went through a year spell when I got out of bed at 4.15am every Monday morning, before an hour and a half drive to enable a workout before starting work.  My workout on these Mondays were no longer than twenty minutes.  There is always a way to do it if it means that much to you.

Consequently, I believe that the mindset in venturing to the gym in the first place is perhaps as challenging as the workout inside the gym itself.  With that being said, dedication and discipline once inside is paramount.  Most of the tips are embedded in this recent post.

Remaining Monogamous

In a world where fidelity appears harder and harder for people to abide by, it is a worthwhile question to ask how I have managed to do so.  It has not always been easy, and as someone who has attained far more opportunities to stray than the average man, my will power has been tested to its limits.  Nonetheless, to this day I have stayed loyal to every woman I have been in a committed relationship with.

I was brought up by one parent who clearly adulterated, and the other who might have done so without admitting such the case.  The marriage was toxic, my childhood was forgettable (yet bizarrely the things you try and forget are the things which are hardest to erase), and the horrible memories will stay with me until my dying day.

Due to this grim chapter of my childhood life, I think it has subconsciously made me never want to tread on the same path.  There is a fair chance that the contrition of cheating on someone will impact more negatively on my mind than someone who has little remorse to their actions, no matter how despicable they act.  

Another big reason for never cheating is having the confidence that, if a relationship is fading out into, at best a parting of ways or, at worst an avenue of hatred on one or both side/s, I have simply made the easy decision to break it off before cheating on her.  This has even been when I have met another woman concurrent to being involved with my (at the time) current girlfriends.  In my opinion, too many a man holds the fear that if he breaks it off with his girlfriend, fiancĂ© or wife, no matter how unhappy he is, he will never find another woman who will have him.  This will be why said man finds sexual alternatives in the form of affairs or prostitution.  Very often, this is when he is having no, or little, sex at home.

Be that as it may, all the above comes well behind the main reason I will articulate in remaining monogamous.  Simply explained, there is no dispute in my mind that I have been able to refrain from cheating on anyone because I have had numerous spells in life when I have either been single in comparison to committed relationships, I have been involved with women who do not want commitment - and just desire a friends with benefits set-up, and I have spent spells with women where they have not indicated they want a committed man (even if they actually do, but pride has stood in the way of them saying it). 

These noncommittal times have essentially made it much easier to stay faithful to just one woman during and throughout a committed relationship.  There has not been a great need – neither sexual nor emotional – to go looking for anything else whilst in a happy time with a woman.  I am wise enough to know that optimum happy times with a woman have an expiry date, therefore I make the most of it when there.

Maintaining Integrity

It is quite ironic, because only a couple of weeks ago I attended an online interview where the first question asked was how I would define values.  The first word that came into my mind, and so I said, was integrity.  When I elaborated on what I meant, I stated that honesty, morals, ethics and sincerity is particularly important in respect to what I give, and what I also expect in return.

This mentality and approach is extremely difficult to uphold at times because there have been so many occasions when I question how so many lying, bullshitting, selfish, backstabbing, self-indulged and self-agenda-oriented people seemingly coast through life with positive results, whereas those acting with full integrity, sincerity, selflessness and helpfulness appear to have it tough.

With all that considered however, I refuse to drag myself down to the level of people I do not like in character and conduct terms, no matter how much it does sometimes come across as those who act with nothing but their own welfare process being the one laughing to the bank, sexual partner, or any other offering in life.  If I can look myself in the mirror with pride and knowledge that I have been best person I could have been, then that will make me sleep easier at night. 

A final thought – on integrity

This question on integrity has come at a pertinent time, because just over a week ago I had a dispute with the dental practitioner on the subject of a tooth that was dislodged during their service a year ago for which they charged me.  I asked for a reimbursement due to it being dislodged under their procedure, to which they refused.  Here is the main part of the email dialogue:

Dentist: Without having expressed any initial dissatisfaction or having disputed the cost of that particular item of treatment, the small composite filling of the Lower Right 1 tooth, at the time or shortly after, we are now unable to refund or offset todays treatment by the £54.

Me: Thank you for the reply.

I cannot accept your reasoning behind this.  In essence you are saying that because I did not dispute it at the time, the refund is not being offered retrospectively (as you are essentially saying that had I disputed it at the time then you would have done so).  I find this a bewildering explanation, especially as you have everything on digital record.  Once more, I reiterate that it was done under your service and not by my accident.

I would like you to reconsider once more.  I will honour my appointment this afternoon as I do not believe it is fair to just cancel at this stage.  Nevertheless, unless you meet the levels of respect and fairness that I give to others, I will fully reconsider any further dentistry.

Dentist: A refund may have been issued at the point, or shortly after attending for the appointments on Wednesday, 13th October 2021, had investigation lead to the conclusion that the filling had been displaced due to clinical error. However our un-editable clinical notes do not support that conclusion and no reference has been made to dissatisfaction or uncertainty regarding treatment that has been received and has endured since it's placement.

Based upon internal investigation of written, computerized notes and verbal discussion regarding the appointments and the provision of treatment we have had to conclude that it will not be possible to offer reimbursement or an offset in relation to the small composite filling, provided to you on 13.10.2021.

Me: Once more your explanation is quizzical, and lacking in any kind of integrity. 

You mention "due to clinical error". How can this even be a dispute? Did I pull it out myself during the appointment? Yes, maybe I should have raised the issue there and then, but bearing in mind the facts - that it was done via yourselves - I cannot for the life of me see why a refund cannot be given retrospectively. I think, if you are being honest with yourself, you would agree with this.

Your point about uneditable clinical notes also takes some believing. I've worked for many businesses - large and small - and I know each one has the internal discretion to modify when required. 

Once more, I cannot stress my disappointment on this matter.

Q-tip 2:                                                                                                                                 When we breathe our last breaths, and we reminisce our last thoughts, the mark we made on life won’t be how much money we made, how much money we left with, the house we lived in, the car we drove, the people we socialized with or married or had children with.  The true definition of the mark we made on life will be determined by the difference we positively impacted on other people’s lives, no matter how long or short this time may have been. 


  1. Rolexhandyman;

    Thank you immensely Vinay. Being a young man in my late 20s, and had the chance to stumble on your blog several years prior, has been extremely instrumental to my understanding of gender dynamics which has lead to less frustrations and a more rational mind towards the opposite gender. I know I have praised you multiple times now, but thank you for your time and knowledge. Keep passing it on. Until next time Vinay.

    1. Always a pleasure bro.
      Yes, I think the word you heavily alluded to is perspective. No matter how low the percentages may be or seem, good things are always still out there. They are just much harder to find....