“Never assume that all is sweetness and light behind the dark curtains.”
I like to think that my level of perspective in life is a degree or two above the vast majority of people. A lot to do with this is the result of encountering more than a few of life’s tribulations, but an equal or greater part is down to taking the time to understand how life illogically works, and turning it into amusement rather than frustration. Nevertheless, after nearly three weeks travelling around North America in warm autumn sunshine, only then returning to cold, dark evenings and a thousand unopened work related e-mails, even my powers of context were tested for a few self-sympathized moments. It soon passed, in the knowledge of what crappy things are going on in the world right now.
After returning to the UK on Thursday morning, I decided to go to bed at a normal hour that night in spite of the jet-lag making me feel like I could sleep for a week. I set my alarm for 5.45am in eagerness to get back into the gym routine, but the reality hit home when the chimes rang through, and it changed to a decision of 8.15am. After a dentist appointment, this resulted in hitting the weights at approximately 10.30am in the Derby centre – a time I rarely train at, or the venue I ever attend on a weekday.
Over the next hour, I encountered three relationship couple dynamics that all held equal trends whilst presenting pronounced differences. I talk you through all of them:
Couple 1: “The Familiar Observation”
As I walked out of the male changing rooms and past the female equivalent, there stood a nice looking cute girl hanging outside who looked about 26. If the truth be told, she was just my type – pale white skin, quite pretty facially, 5ft 5” tall, long straight dark brown hair, and a curvaceous figure. She was a solid cute girl of 7.5/10 overall physical attractiveness. I recall whilst walking past her how she had that all too pre-determined process to ignore looking at me, pretty much meaning she had seen me beforehand and didn’t desire to show any interest that was there on her part. As it turns out, this theory is only further reinforced by later events.
Barely 10 minutes into my session and I moved onto the squat bar where the free weights section is situated. She walked over to a guy using the incline chest bar. To me, he looked 10 years older than her. He wasn’t bad looking (average to slightly above average facially), about 5ft 11” in height, and an above average body that could do with some toning if optimization was his objective. 6.75/10 I’ll give him overall.
There didn’t seem to be a great deal of chemistry between them, but it was fairly obvious they were together. Straight away it signaled live in couple where sparks had vanished, but contentment and comfort with the arrangement was present. He gains from a younger and hotter bit of crumpet, she gains from his likely higher wealth and status, along with the good ego feeling of his comparative lesser looks.
As I went upstairs, I caught her looking over in my direction as they left together. No showers, just her waiting for him to grab his bag. Training together on a random Friday morning…? My guess is they are both in the police constabulary, with him being previously married and her being attracted to his higher status and accomplishment to prize him away from the wife.
Couple 2: “Jerk Chaser”
About 30 minutes into the session, I needed to venture back over to the free weights area. I walked past a nice looking blonde girl – white Caucasian, about 5ft 8”, long straight blonde hair, thin to curvy figure, natural big breasts, and a pretty face. She looked 23 or 24. Upper cute to lower hot. Go on then, I’ll give her the latter accolade and an overall mark of 8/10. As we walked in opposite directions, she gave me some firm bed eyes. She seemed quite sweet. I assumed she had finished her work out and that I’d probably never see her again, even in this small city. If I did, she would have been on my radar.
Some 10 minutes later and I finished off with a session on the boxing bags. On one of the machines nearby was a guy who I label as a perennial jerk. I’ve known of him for over 10 years. He is on more steroids now than ever before (give or take a year, he is 34 in age), and for a white guy he is way over tanned to the point of looking the same shade as my garden fence coating. Too many tattoos on both arms and legs - that can now barely be seen due to the darkness of his skin. Not the best teeth at all, and a short guy of 5ft 7” at most. All things considered, he is a 7/10 in the amalgamated looks factor grade.
On the other side appeared the blonde girl. She looked like a person on the hunt for someone. She started walking over to the bags, and my immediate anticipation was that her strategy would be to give me proximity indicators. So low and behold, she goes up the tattooed jerk and smacks one on his lips! There she stood at least an inch taller next to him, and bear in mind this is in trainers.
I’ll give him his dues, he acted just how men should do in the gym, and how they should generally act to be fair. He was in no mood to talk to her and disrupt his workout, and off she went. He carried on training beyond my stay, although I did then see him in the changing room when his phone went off. I bet it was her, and his answer was certainly from the world of apathy over enthusiasm.
The reason a lot of jerks are popular with women, along with social status, danger and pre-selection, is because they are not brightest bulbs in the pack. This guy epitomizes it. I could be harsh and say he comes across as thick as pig-shit (whoops, I just did), but I’ll just say he isn’t the most articulate. This lack of articulate language and abundance of denseness can be translated in a woman’s mind as a man who doesn’t give a shit, and this is what they find attractive. Men who explain themselves too much, and those who show too much cultivation and care towards women, are often left presenting their portfolio as unattractive.
Couple 3: Personal Trainer and Young Cute Girl
As I drew to a close, the personal trainer and another young girl walked towards the cross-trainer. She pretty much replicated the blonde hair girl explained above in physical stature, with the distinctions being that this one was a brunette and no older than 21. The personal trainer is a mixed-raced guy, not a tad over 5ft 6” tall, above average looking facially, and with a good body you would expect from a personal trainer without it being spectacular. He also couldn’t be a day above 21.
At first I just put it down to another one of his clients (most probably giving her freebies due to her impressive looks), as over the last hour I had seen him with two other women. Then I observed a little closer, and she was looking at him in mesmerized fashion as he explained things. Bear in mind once more that she was looking down at him by a couple of inches when both on ground floor level.
As I left after no more than five minutes from their commencement, I couldn’t be certain these two were a couple. However, the way she looked at him would suggest she wanted more, even if it is simply an ego boost born out of motivation in being the “chosen” one out of all his female clients. The power of being a (low-paid) personal trainer probably warrants a dedicated post analysis in isolation, but over the years I’ve known of many average looking men who have taken advantage of this role with much better looking women. Pre-selection has it written all over again.
On the basis of all the explained, it would be a fair argument against me to advocate that women are from all different angles, tastes and decision-making in terms of their attraction onto men. I wouldn’t disagree with this. What I would state is, even over three differing scenarios like these witnessed in a mere hour of my life, there are still trends, consistencies and normal course of events that can be drawn.
- Women above the age of 23 will,
by clear majority, start to seek out a male provider – who is safer and
less physically attractive than boyfriends from her younger years – as opposed
to satisfying her optimum love and sexual satisfaction in a man.
- A minority of women above the age
of 23 will not abide by securing a beta provider until their late 20s
(sometimes even 30s). Expect these
women to be prominent in large populated cities as opposed to smaller towns
(or cities with small town mentality – like Derby), where career
orientation and status whoring goes on for a few years longer than the
- The smaller the town or city in
population, the more “couply” the mindset of women (and men) becomes. The larger the population, the higher
the percentage of single female existence.
In other words, a small town manifests in women requiring a
boyfriend due to their lower confidence and independent character traits,
whilst a larger city somewhat eases the irritable feeling women face in
being single due to more activities on offer.
- Younger women are attracted more
to male social status, whilst older women are more attracted to male occupational
status and wealth.
- The older the woman becomes, the
more open she is to date a man who is a number of years older than her if
there is something to gain from. So
a 25 year old woman is more likely to date a 35 year old man, than the
same woman of 20 would have considered the same man of 30.
- All else on parity, women prefer
men taller than themselves. However,
if other items can be drawn to the table like social status, most of them
will put this principle to one side.
- Low in confidence women may even
choose to pick a shorter man on assessment of safety, trust and
self-required ego enlargement. All
else equal, a 6ft man is more physically attractive and appealing than a
5ft 8” man, but women will know the taller man of the two is far more sought
after by other women, and he will consequently receive more attention and
have greater options in the market.
With this knowledge, a contingency may be put in place to seek out
a man who is shorter than her ideal sexual attraction stature.
- Nearly all women prefer to date,
be in relationships with, and marry men who are less physically attractive
than they are by a noticeable and credible margin. The majority of these women will think
about cheating on their lesser looking male partner (ironically, more than
their male partners think about cheating on them), and some will.
A final thought
I would have happily given all three of these women a go. Admittedly, the youngest one would probably have given me reminisces of a youth club conversation, but I’d still have banged her.