Saturday 17 September 2016

Never primarily try to impress women

A decent client is hard to find.  A good client is extremely difficult to impress. 
And a very good client can seem impossible to retrieve once lost.

Although seldom directly spoken about or confessed to in day to day conversation, it isn’t much of a secret to how most women and men try to impress the opposite sex.  Women will try and look as physically attractive as possible in order to achieve this, with personality and positive long term girlfriend traits being secondary benefits.  Men impress women mainly through status (social and occupational) and wealth.  A man’s physical looks are important to attract women, especially with no other clues to his status and wealth, but his good looks become less important as women get older, and in particularly when the female stage of life passes 23 years of age. From that day on, the importance of male aesthetic value diminishes in a woman’s eyes as each month passes by, such is less priority on satisfying her heart in return of greater emphasis in finding a future husband and father.

It is pertinent to point out that women’s physical attractiveness will both attract and keep men interested.  She needs to look good at the start, but also maintain her beauty as much as nature allows.  A man’s status and money will most definitely attract women, but it by no means keeps them sexually interested in him over a longer period of time.  If you have watched more than a few movies where the hot wife lives in a multi-million dollar mansion due to the hard work of her wealthy husband, yet she has an affair with the pool boy or gym instructor, this is basically fiction explaining how nearly all female minds work in real life too - one man for provision, materialism and an easy life, and another man for fulfilling her sexual needs.

A couple of years ago I went for a drink with a tennis buddy of mine who is now in his 50’s.  He still manages to run around like a jack rabbit even at this age.  More importantly, he’s a great chap with a heart of gold, and he even took me to one of my chemotherapy sessions during that time in my life.  Unfortunately he is also too nice for his own good, and nothing epitomizes this more than the relationship with his wife.

As we drove down the country lane in destination of the chosen venue, he pointed at a house that had just been extended in structure.  It was on a reasonable sized plot of land, but in all the times I had driven past it wasn’t so spectacular that it took my eyes off the road (just as well with it being by the side of a canal!).  Maybe it is worth a million pounds, which whilst still very impressive, in this day and age wouldn’t be anything to write home about.

My friend went onto say that he hired this house out for the night of his daughter’s 21st birthday.  I remember wanting to puke at the time when he told me this.  He had also mentioned to me in the past how his wife was putting pressure on him for the family to move to a more affluent area, and he only managed to dissuade her in trade of keeping the children at an expensive private school.  He had a decent paid job, but I know roughly what he was on, in relation to how much expenditure private school fees cost.  There is no way he could afford it all without struggling each month.

I’ve only met his wife a couple of times.  She looks quite a bit younger than him, but I’m pretty sure he told me they are of similar age.  Maybe this tells its own story.  In a world where a random 50 plus year old woman looks older than the random man of equivalent age, this dynamic – him looking considerably older than her - goes against the norm.  But then when you consider how he has incurred more than half a lifetime in working his guts off to supply for his material hungry wife and university educated children, simultaneous to her working three days a week in a voluntary (yes, unpaid) charity position, it’s little wonder how the opposing stress and pressure related existences have impacted on each mirror reflection.

Fundamentally, my friend is emblematic of the perennial and now accustomed 21st century man trying too hard to impress the woman he is with.  Marriage and children most certainly do not help this predicament, because the commitment that these choices enforce, in addition to the price it costs to get out, manifests in a man more often than not taking the path of least resistance in constantly being a nodding dog.  The overall costs of accommodating female demands are usually more than what a man can afford, and if he can by the skin of his teeth just about afford them, he rarely has anything left for himself.   

Whether it be houses, cars, dress style, general appearance, tattoos, weight loss, muscle increase, career progression, accomplishments, friendships, or any other path you choose in life, a man should, with compromise accepted (providing it is abided by both parties), make decisions that primarily are for his benefit, and not to impress women.  If women are attracted and impressed as a by-product, then happy days, but this is exactly how it should be viewed – secondary against the reasons he does it for himself. 

Whether we like it or not, we live in a modern day western world of celebrity magazines, reality TV programs, tabloid exploitation of the rich and famous earnings, and celebrity gossip.  Add onto this the negative predicament what social media has on a woman’s mind, in visual broadcasting of how “happy” her peers are.  Despite all the high fives, “go girl” comments, and fake compliments, this only compounds a woman’s jealousy and demands for her to own and experience more than what she has.  It is essentially a beast that is never full after a feast.

What is the solution?

In essence, there are only two ways a man can counteract this ever growing sorry state of affairs:
  • First, you entirely avoid placing yourself in a position where you abide by the “keeping up with the Jones” thought process.  Avoiding marriage goes a long way in achieving this, but a greater requirement is leading from grass roots mentality upwards.  In other words, if you can install a belief that a woman is one commodity in a world of millions, and that essentially she can be replaced easily and changed accordingly, it is far easier to say “no” than to concede with “yes”.  What’s the worst that can happen?
  • Second, you observe, recollect and evaluate the couples you have seen together.  This can be nothing more than what you see as you walk the streets or take the bus.  What you will find is the majority of genuine happy couples are scenarios when the woman loves the man she is with for who he is, and not what he is.  Look at a teenage couple, and in turn compare it with an older couple.  Often the young girl in love is with a dropout guy who doesn’t have a penny to his name.  The older woman, with no money worries whatsoever, strangely looks miserable (as does the man with her!).

And this should be a lesson for all men.  The happiest woman is the woman most in love with her man, and not the woman who is most in love with her assets, surroundings, or expensive dinner parties.  The happiest woman is the one who has to invest in the relationship with her own affection, money, time, compromises, and empathy.  She is the woman who, even if the next meal is no guarantee, strives to fight this day with the man she loves unconditionally.  She, when all is said and done, is the woman in love with him.

There is an unofficial logic that leads to belief that women are attracted to men who act like them in certain ways.  Not in so far as being feminine, attention-seeking, or drama hunting (unless he is her gay friend), but more in the way of selfishness, prioritizing your own life before anything else, and following your own chosen path with little concern to others.  Of course women deny whole-heartedly that this is the case, and they will broadcast instead that they love and admire the man who is selfless, who puts others before himself, and who gives her priority on the path of life.  As always, you can believe what women tell you, or you can choose to act in the way that sexually turns them on and uncontrollably makes them love you more.

The only caveat

The only caveat I would make to all the above is with a lot of celebrity couples – who let’s not forget make up <0.1% of all couples in the world.  As this compartment has little significance on the real world, I almost feel like not even going there, but the explanation is worth it over the lack of relevance to everyday couples.

What you find in couples where the woman is with a rich celebrity goes beyond money and status.  As the sports, music or film star has already validated mate worth due to inundated other females being interested in him, in addition to the power and popularity he brings due to the profile he attains, the female partner is already organically sexually into him.  The artificial factors like big houses, flash cars, and a thousand pairs of shoes – hence from his expenditure and her none investment – is not a detriment to her short to medium term love, because she loved him in the first place due to instinctive and impulsive attraction onto him.

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