“If you don’t know somebody, you know somebody who knows him.
Or, you know somebody, who knows somebody, who knows him”.
There is a lot of talk about who cheats more – women or men? This subject has even become a popular conversation opener for men who have the bollocks to approach women they don’t know, and although it is now lacking in originality, it is a far better start up than leading in telling her how beautiful she is.
When you partake on more than a few internet searches regarding this topic, it isn’t easy to pinpoint which sources are the most worthwhile. You may find one that abides by research showing men commit infidelity more, with others showing that women are slightly higher in adulterating habits. But after a bit more tapping, a fair average would illustrate an approximate even scale. Therefore, a rule of thumb conclusion is that 20% of women and men cheat, or have cheated, on their better halves. Men may be reading at this point in thinking that an 80% chance of his female partner remaining faithful is more than decent odds. I advise you to read on.
This 20% figure stacks up, because women and men also file for divorce on infidelity grounds at a similar percentage of roughly 15% (of all divorce instigated reasons). It is easy for naïve people to be washed in by how so many more women file for divorce because they have been cheated on, but women outweigh total divorce instigation by 2 to 1 over and above men, so only the percentage is relevant.
When you dig deeper, there is enough evidence to conclude that women think about cheating more than men, without actually carrying it out. This shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone who understands how life works in this respect. Women are the sex who are more in a hurry to get married, who are consequently more “settling” in order to attain the big wedding day, who have a greater need for external attention to be projected onto them due to the by-product of a wedding and spectators either at the venue or subsequently on social media, who require greater status validation of being a wife/fiancé/girlfriend, and who ultimately, because of all the reasons given, become irritated, bored and fed up with their male partners at an earlier stage. As the saying goes, women are the first to want into marriage and the first to want out. So women are far more likely to be on the lookout for a suitable “next” partner, without cheating per se.
This isn’t to say men’s eyes, minds and penis movements in the face of other women do not stray. Far from it. If no obstructions or consequences needed to be dealt with, more men would cheat. However, as most men up until the age of 35 are to be found with better looking women (at least when the women are done up in public) than their own looks grade, most men develop a mentality that she is the best he can do. When a man develops this mindset, he is less likely to, or believe he hold the tools to, attract other women and consequently cheat.
So if it is a fair bet to say that both sexes cheat at more or less the same rate, and women think about cheating more than men, why is it that, if you have lived in the same world as me, do you find that more women forgive men who cheat than the inverse situation? I offer some reasons:
- Women are always on the lookout for signs that a man is more desirable than the level she actually sexually desires him herself, and this is linked to how most women settle for men who they are content with at best. If this man cheats, although it may tear her heart into bits at first, after the tears have dried and the heart is less achy, it has actually proven to her that other women find her man attractive. Ironic as it is, a man who has cheated on her is now a man she finds more attractive than before.
- A high percentage of men who cheat will be high calibre men holding plenty of options with other women. Similar to the above explanation, a woman doesn’t consciously want to be cheated on, but she is turned on by a man who could cheat on her with equal or better looking female rivals. With this in mind, a high proportion of women would rather be with a higher calibre man who cheats, rather than a loyal, but unwanted, male partner alongside her.
- As women pass their mid 20’s, their appeal to the opposite sex starts to decrease. Knowing they have fewer options, they may turn a blind eye to a man’s first offence of adultery. “Can I do any better?”, she asks.
- Jealousy and a lack of trust are emotions women use positively in finding men sexually appealing. Even after she has found out about his adulterating misdemeanours, a woman can use this experience to weirdly find him a more valuable catch.
- On the other hand of jealousy and trust deficiency, a man does not use these habits productively, and it only manifests in him actually being detached from a woman who has caused him these feelings. Women primarily need to look as physically attractive as feasibility allows them in order to keep their man interested, followed by loyalty, honesty, personality, sexual appetite, and good girlfriend/wife material instincts or processes.
- Women love competition with other female rivals (and other female “friends”) in out-doing each other, becoming the most desirable, and in essence attracting the best quality men. So when a man has cheated, a woman can use her forgiveness as a mindset to do one over the woman he shot his load inside. “I’m the one he stayed with”, she may be saying to herself in vain or truthful hope she is the better woman.
- Despite belief to the contrary, men are in fact more sensitive in emotional (and some other) failings than women. Women may dramatize, shout, scream and cry frequently to exploit victimization, but this is all for show and attention. It’s no coincidence that more women threaten to commit suicide, whilst more men literally commit suicide. So when this man - who based his love on loyalty, purity and faithfulness – finds out another man has deposited seed inside his all so perceived innocent female partner, the only way to erase all memories and hurt is to walk the other way.
When the tables are turned
Much of the above is most pertinent to out of wedlock relationships. Only just behind this is whether the woman and man have children. Once married and/or with children, you may find that a considerably smaller percentage of women forgive men who cheated on them than prior to being husband and wife or mother and father. With irony once more acknowledged, you may also find that a larger percentage of married men forgive women who have had it off with another male counterpart.
Why is this the conceivable case? Pure and simple, men, by clear majority and in the usual course of events, have more to lose if a divorce occurs, whilst women have far less to lose and more to gain if the marriage breaks down. So although the man, if cheated on by his wife, is just as disgusted as he ever was before walking down the aisle, the financial implications and fatherhood responsibility that cannot be ignored may just reluctantly lean him towards forgiveness and hope for a better day. Most men who get married also believe they cannot do better anyway, but this is another story for another day…
On the other hand, whilst a wifed up woman is still just as aroused by her man cheating, in comparison to as his girlfriend, she actually now has a hold on him to get out. Her ego, reputation and wife credentials have been damaged by him not keeping his pants on, and the retribution she can inflict on him will often be a stronger lure than staying with the man she now finds more sexually into.
Q-tip:This all gives further reinforced advice that, for men, there really is no sensible, beneficial, rewarding or necessary justification to get married. Not only do you place yourself at major future risk, with no actual plus points to balance against, but you will also find that the wife you marry is less likely to take oversight to your willy wonker finding its way inside another woman, than before you verbalized the all so genuine vows. As the wife and mother of your children, she also finds you less sexually attractive. In true summary, the only link between love and marriage is paper and legal based. There really is nothing a modern day man in the western world can’t have outside of marriage, in analysis to what he takes inside of marriage.