Wednesday 6 November 2013

Why women will choose the bad boy

“One day you will have to decide upon whether to choose the passage between being a good person against doing the best job to gain the results.  Rarely can you fulfill both accomplishments, and if you can look in the mirror with pride, despite having nothing to show for it, then you should never have questioned yourself in the first place.”

Many times in life, a man who would see himself as a caring, loving, presentable and loyal person will be asking himself the question to why he lost out to that jerk when pursuing the woman he so craved to be with.  He will go round in circles in his mind to how practice goes against logic, and he will put questions to his closest friends (women and men).  He may even confide in his own mother to the reasons life works like this.  In the form of an explanation from the girl he wanted, he will probably have been given a bizarre story to her not being able to date him.  At best this will be imagination on her part, or at worst, just a pack of lies.  His mother will probably also have been economical with the truth, as it may well have been the case she fell into this trap at least once herself during her younger courting years.  If this was the case, she may not even consciously know why it works this way.  

Men lie too, so maybe what goes around comes around, but if I ever have a friend who is going through a situation of this kind as explained, I always tell him that it doesn’t matter what the reason is.  The fact is there is a reason.  The reason his girlfriend gave him will rarely be the solid truth, but that doesn’t change the reality she doesn’t have feelings for him anymore.  If a woman has desires to be with a man, she will go to great lengths to secure him even if it means placing her fragile pride and perceived embarrassment at risk.  With this in mind, she is hardly going to make up some chain of events statement to spell out her intentions to not be with him, only to actually later turn round and say she does love him more than ever.  If she is into this kind of psychological warfare then she is really is taking the game too far.  Does a man truthfully need a woman like this?

 In my opinion there are 3 main categories of women who go out to capture a jerk, or they have made previous habits in doing so with the typical bad boy:

Women who openly admit to being attracted to bad boys.  It is extremely rare for them to admit this is their intention, but their declaration and honesty is to be applauded and admired.         

Women who went for these types of guys in their immature years, but now fully understand through experience these men are no good.  They genuinely wouldn’t touch one in the current state of a developed mind.

Women who spend all day moaning about there being no good guys out there, and that she always ends up being hurt by the jerk.  These women will go out of their way to inform their friends that all they desire or deserve is a guy to treat her in the right way - yet miraculously always end up with the other extreme of man.

There is no doubt that the third category is the most complex one to explore, so this will be analyzed further:

Two men of equal physical attractiveness are compared.  The first one is labelled the nice guy.  He has a good personality, he has a good job, he is pleasant, and he has never cheated on a woman.  The second guy is the bad boy.  He is lazy, disrespectful, arrogant, and he has a reputation (proven or not) as a liar and for cheating on women.  He also happens to be confident, care-free and popular with females and males alike.  Now there is a lucky girl out there who has found out that both of these men are interested in her and she has a choice to make.  In her mind she will list 5 positive and 5 negative aspects on both men:

Nice Guy Positives                                   Nice Guy Negatives

Good job / income                                   No challenge to her
Personality                                               No “edginess” (too clean cut)
Pleasant                                                   Too predictable & boring
Loyal & Faithful                                        Acts too beta orientated (jealous, supplicated)
Honest                                                      Too nice / Lacks confidence

It is important to note that these are all her perceptions of the nice guy.  Some will be evidential and some will be simply her assumption of him being this way.  Nevertheless, in both cases there is a reason, and once women have an idea in their head it is rare for them to change their opinions. 

Bad Boy Positives                         Bad Boy Negatives

Confidence                                      No career aspirations
Edginess (a tattoo or two)              Disrespectful to people
Popularity                                         Arrogant
Care-free                                          Reputation of a cheat
Unpredictable                                  Potential liar

 Now it is important to re-iterate these would be her thoughts that she pencils in her mind with regards to the two men.  Another thing to point out is that she would go out of her way to not label the second guy as a bad boy (even if deep down she knew he was), and if talking to her friend, the word “bad” would never be used.  Strangely, the first guy is quite easily labelled a “nice guy” and she will promote to the world she has found a man who acts like a true gentleman. 

So she’s listed them in her head.  Now she may mark each one out of five, with a negative score up to -5 for the characteristics she despises, and up to +5 for the positives.  Expect to see this:

Nice Guy Positives                                   Nice Guy Negatives

Good job / income  +4                              No challenge to her  -3
Personality  +3                                          No edginess (too clean cut)  -3
Caring  +3                                                 Too predictable & boring  -3
Loyal & Faithful  +3                                   Acts too beta orientated  -3
Honest +3                                                 Too nice / Lacks confidence  -4
Total  +16                                                 Total  -16

Bad Boy Positives                                     Bad Boy Negatives

Confidence  +5                                          No career aspirations  -3
Edginess   +4                                            Disrespectful to people  -4
Popularity  +4                                            Arrogant  -3
Care free  +4                                             Reputation of a cheat  -4
Unpredictable  +4                                     Potential liar  -3
Total  +21                                                 Total  -17

The bad boy would have a higher score on the negative side, but he would make up for it in his high positive score.  In other words, the woman is turned on by what he has to offer her, and she tries her best to minimize the potential consequences of risk to her emotional investment.  She will probably know the nice guy will give her a steady ride (although this can be seen act as a negative), but he is simply too safe.  Women believe they can be the one to change the so called bad boy and be the one who has conquered him in comparison to all the other girls that he dealt the broken heart.  She isn’t at this moment of time contemplating any long term, with only concerns for the short term chemistry he gives her.  In the meantime, the nice guy walks away pondering reasons for women not acting on what they say.

At the end of the day, bad boys will be bad boys.  Some grow out of it, but many don’t.  From the perspective of a guy who lived the first 10 years of his dating and relationship life swallowing the blue pill and living in denial of the truth (the truth being - women fall for bad boys for a reason as opposed to misfortune or coincidence), you can only sit back and admire bad boys in some ways when it comes to their proactive dealings with women.  They expend little energy for maximum reward, whilst a typical nice guy will use all his time, efforts and energy on them, only to receive very little in return apart from the inevitable friendship or a shoulder to cry on.  When I use the word admire, I mean it in the sense of how bad boys acquire these attractive women and not necessarily how they treat them.  No matter what anyone protests, bad boys are born and not made.  If a nice guy made attempts to become one he would turn into an embarrassment in front of women, and more importantly, in front of himself. 

With the above in mind, it is my firm belief that the usual bad boy has another distinct advantage in his sexual predilections in comparison to other men.  These guys often have lower selectivity in their preferences of female types, and providing a sexual arousal is attainable for them, the women they acquire can often be nothing more than average in the visual impressiveness department.  With this kind of male mindset, hence liaising with women that simply will be nothing more than a sexual encounter for him, a man will naturally have less remorse in leaving a woman in emotional turmoil.  A man with options is a man who refrains from treating one woman like an ice queen.  A high sex drive and low exclusivity threshold manifest to offer a substantially greater number of choices and opportunities irrespective of a man’s physical attractiveness or his other appeal criteria.  The “take it or leave it” attitude allows this kind of guy to act far more relaxed and far less supplicated when around women, as he has confidence that another door will open once this one closes.  Women sense this confidence very early on in the interaction stage (sometimes even before they have interacted), and the challenge of being coveted drives them further towards them.  In comparison, a man who is better looking and higher value may attract the eye of more women at first glance, but if he is incredibly selective in his opposite sex preferences he will not have anywhere near as many avenues that lead to female offerings.  When this man of choosiness does meet his ideal match, psychological pressure amounts due to thoughts of a lack of alternatives, and he is susceptible in delivering moves that detract, rather than attract, women.  This is of course until he learns to adapt.

There will not be many women who haven’t experienced bad boys for themselves or possessed impulsive or imperceptible urges for the lure of these types of men they refer to in negative language.  They may talk about these men in vicious terms, but compare the words they speak to how they then act when around his vicinity.  It will usually be worlds apart.  Yet again, watching a woman’s moves will offer far more substantiation to her true feelings and emotions than listening to what she says. 

Much depends on the type of female character in determining the extent of repetitious mistakes in never learning.  For example, a higher intellectual, intelligent and career orientated woman is more likely to avoid repeating her ventures with another bad boy, as higher self-esteem and confidence congregate to form pride in her mind that she deserves to be treated more respectfully.  Basically, she has a higher opinion of herself in comparison to a woman of lesser intelligence and higher insecurity, and it acts as a voice within to inform her that these guys are no benefit to her in the long term.  On the other hand, a more naive woman, even if equally or even more physically attractive, will not attain as much self-belief in herself as an overall person.  Consequently, she will feel a need to belong to the popularity crowd – the crowd that a bad boy belongs to.  Errors of judgment will be abundant, absolute and even concurrent with this type of female character.  She will probably learn in eventual time, but she is far more susceptible to the sexual craving a jerk can offer rather than the assurance of a nice guy provider concept.  Easily put, a nice guy will provide for her financially and provide loyalty and commitment, but she will forever be looking over her shoulder for the next rugged, better-looking and more challenging man who can offer her the emotional chemistry she is missing in her life.

 If a nice guy ever needed convincing of how women can say one thing but act in another way when it comes to the subject of bad boys, I recollect one particular event that happened in the corporate department where I worked.  The assistant manager was a married man with two young children.  He had just bought a new house for his wife and kids to move into that doubled the mortgage debt.  Whilst never proven, he had a reputation for being a bad boy prior to his marriage.  There was an administration woman in the same department who had to liaise with him every day.  He spoke to her disrespectfully day in and day out, sometimes bringing her to tears.  She often bad mouthed him to other members of the department, stating how she couldn’t work with him and that if he gained the promotion to department manager she would depart from the company.  After a works night out, the two of them slept together, and they started having an affair behind his wife’s back for a couple of months.  Shortly after, the administration woman was pregnant, and he consequently left his wife and children to be with her.  Many white knights may say this is an isolated case, but I believe this is indicative to how careful a good guy needs to be if he is in a relationship with a female who states extreme abhor towards these kinds of men.

Does the bad boy win every time?  Well, not necessarily.  Many women, and men, are guilty of thinking and believing there are only two types of men - the nice guy and the bad boy.  For the moment, I’m going to place someone in the middle of this differential and label him the good guy.  These men are in the minority of men in the western cultured countries, and I believe no more than 5% of the male population (nice guys account for 80%, whilst bad boys make up 15%).  This man will also often be referred to as a high value man (a higher value version of a good guy), because simply put, he has high value in his overall sexual market value.  I mentioned the fact bad boys are born and not made, however let’s take the confidence attribute from the bad boy and dismiss the “too nice” deficiency of the nice guy.  The reason these two attributes are picked is because when the woman graded her positives and negatives in her mind, confidence scored the highest positive score and “too nice” attained the highest negative score.  If you analyzed all the other negative characteristics she made for the good guy (the one who falls in between), they would be harder for him to change (although far from impossible).  Confidence, and a lack of acting too nice or showing desperation are within the capabilities of most guys, and this is without the need to illustrate arrogance and a lack of respect to others.  What would an attractive woman prefer: someone with confidence but who walks around with a lack respect for everything, or a man with a confident demeanour who presents a friendly, receptive expression on his face?  So there is hope for the nice guys out there with just a little fine tuning along the way.

It shouldn’t be lost on anyone that women never lose the visceral feelings for men with raw male power and good looks.  A woman doesn’t just suddenly wake up on her 23rd birthday and say “I now find cleaner and more responsible nice guys more physically attractive.”  But they do rationalize to suit their greater diversity needs, and in my opinion, they often go too far to this extreme.  They naturally look for a man who can offer them financial security, a responsible father figure to potential children and good husband material, but by rowing too far against the tide derives a missing of emotional passion that was once accustomed to.  That’s hard for a woman to give up, even if it means catering for her ego by being with a guy who constantly makes her feel special.  Nice guys hold the key, because they will always get a chance with women due to female requirements to feel wanted.  But once there, so many nice guys get it wrong by not adapting in challenging them.  Women, deep down, resent this deliverable, and this will go a long way in explaining why so many women, at younger ages especially, initiate the withdrawal from relationships or marriages.    


  1. Maybe women think they do want a nice guy but they need to be attracted to him in the first place. So a nice guy acting nice is only going to send her attraction south. A jerk can be a jerk and get away with it if she loves him. Nice guys have less leeway even though they do way more good things.

  2. Be the jerk, get the girl.Does what it says on the tin

  3. Insecure women give secure women a bad name.

  4. Vi Nay’s a pro jerk!!!

  5. Writing a blog of this is only going to make more men jerks. And u say u wanna help nice guys???

  6. Fairness, I don’t call him a jerk. Maybe a nice guy who’s been scorned or a bad boy got better..

  7. Jerks for the girls, damaged goods for the sucker nice boys

  8. Rubbish, I know loads of women who finally find Mr Right after some wrong men in their early life.

  9. How can it be so many women go for jerks yet they end up with nice guys???

  10. A lot of jerks do not show their crazy side until they have a woman nice and comfortable, then the pull the rug out from under her and reveal a personality reminiscent of Norman Bates. Even if there are warning signs with guys like this, so often during those early stages of a relationship, females will be blinded by love and lust and disregard the small stuff. At that point, she’ll probably have already fallen in love and found false security in this person, and that’s the kind of troubale that girls have a really hard time walking from, especially when they’ve got their own massive insecurities.