“One day you will have to decide upon whether to choose
the passage between being a good person against doing the best job to gain the
results. Rarely can you fulfill both
accomplishments, and if you can look in the mirror with pride, despite having
nothing to show for it, then you should never have questioned yourself in the
first place.”
Many times in life, a man who would see himself as a caring,
loving, presentable and loyal person will be asking himself the question to why
he lost out to that jerk when pursuing the woman he so craved to be with. He will go round in circles in his mind to
how practice goes against logic, and he will put questions to his closest
friends (women and men). He may even confide in his
own mother to the reasons life works like this.
In the form of an explanation from the girl he wanted, he will probably
have been given a bizarre story to her not being able to date him. At best this will be imagination on her part,
or at worst, just a pack of lies. His
mother will probably also have been economical with the truth, as it may well
have been the case she fell into this trap at least once herself during her
younger courting years. If this was the
case, she may not even consciously know why it works this way.
Men lie too, so maybe what goes around comes around, but if I ever
have a friend who is going through a situation of this kind as explained, I
always tell him that it doesn’t matter what the reason is. The fact is there is a reason. The reason his girlfriend gave him will
rarely be the solid truth, but that doesn’t change the reality she doesn’t have
feelings for him anymore. If a woman has
desires to be with a man, she will go to great lengths to secure him even if it
means placing her fragile pride and perceived embarrassment at risk. With this in mind, she is hardly going to
make up some chain of events statement to spell out her intentions to not be
with him, only to actually later turn round and say she does love him more than
ever. If she is into this kind of
psychological warfare then she is really is taking the game too far. Does a man truthfully need a woman like this?
In my opinion there are 3 main categories of women who go out to
capture a jerk, or they have made previous habits in doing so with the typical
bad boy:
Women who openly admit to
being attracted to bad boys. It is
extremely rare for them to admit this is their intention, but their declaration
and honesty is to be applauded and admired.
Women who went for these
types of guys in their immature years, but now fully understand through experience
these men are no good. They genuinely
wouldn’t touch one in the current state of a developed mind.
Women who spend all day
moaning about there being no good guys out there, and that she always ends up
being hurt by the jerk. These women will
go out of their way to inform their friends that all they desire or deserve is
a guy to treat her in the right way - yet miraculously always end up with the other
extreme of man.
There is no doubt that the third category is the most complex one
to explore, so this will be analyzed further:
Two men of equal physical attractiveness are compared. The first one is labelled the nice guy. He has a good personality, he has a good job,
he is pleasant, and he has never cheated on a woman. The second guy is the bad boy. He is lazy,
disrespectful, arrogant, and he has a reputation (proven or not) as a liar and
for cheating on women. He also happens
to be confident, care-free and popular with females and males alike. Now there is a lucky girl out there who has
found out that both of these men are interested in her and she has a choice to
make. In her mind she will list 5
positive and 5 negative aspects on both men:
Nice
Guy Positives Nice Guy Negatives
Good job / income No
challenge to her
Personality No
“edginess” (too clean cut)
Pleasant Too
predictable & boring
Loyal & Faithful Acts
too beta orientated (jealous, supplicated)
Honest Too
nice / Lacks confidence
It is important to note that these
are all her perceptions of the nice guy.
Some will be evidential and some will be simply her assumption of him
being this way. Nevertheless, in both
cases there is a reason, and once women have an idea in their head it is rare
for them to change their opinions.
Bad Boy Positives Bad
Boy Negatives
Confidence No career
aspirations
Edginess
(a tattoo or two) Disrespectful to people
Popularity Arrogant
Care-free Reputation of a cheat
Unpredictable Potential liar
Now
it is important to re-iterate these would be her thoughts that she pencils in
her mind with regards to the two men.
Another thing to point out is that she would go out of her way to not
label the second guy as a bad boy (even if deep down she knew he was), and if
talking to her friend, the word “bad” would never be used. Strangely, the first guy is quite easily
labelled a “nice guy” and she will promote to the world she has found a man who acts like a true gentleman.
So
she’s listed them in her head. Now she
may mark each one out of five, with a negative score up to -5 for the
characteristics she despises, and up to +5 for the positives. Expect to see this:
Nice
Guy Positives Nice Guy Negatives
Good job / income +4 No challenge to her -3
Personality +3 No edginess (too clean cut) -3
Caring +3 Too
predictable & boring -3
Loyal & Faithful
+3 Acts too beta orientated -3
Honest +3 Too
nice / Lacks confidence -4
Total +16 Total
-16
Bad Boy Positives Bad Boy Negatives
Confidence +5 No
career aspirations -3
Edginess +4 Disrespectful to people -4
Popularity +4 Arrogant -3
Care
free +4 Reputation of a cheat -4
Unpredictable +4 Potential
liar -3
Total
+21 Total
-17
The
bad boy would have a higher score on the negative side, but he would make up
for it in his high positive score. In
other words, the woman is turned on by what he has to offer her, and she tries
her best to minimize the potential consequences of risk to her emotional
investment. She will probably know the
nice guy will give her a steady ride (although this can be seen act as a negative),
but he is simply too safe. Women believe
they can be the one to change the so called bad boy and be the one who has
conquered him in comparison to all the other girls that he dealt the broken
heart. She isn’t at this moment of time
contemplating any long term, with only concerns for the short term chemistry he
gives her. In the meantime, the nice guy
walks away pondering reasons for women not acting on what they say.
At
the end of the day, bad boys will be bad boys.
Some grow out of it, but many don’t.
From the perspective of a guy who lived the first 10 years of his dating
and relationship life swallowing the blue pill and living in denial of the
truth (the truth being - women fall for bad boys for a reason as opposed to
misfortune or coincidence), you can only sit back and admire bad boys in some
ways when it comes to their proactive dealings with women. They expend little energy for maximum reward,
whilst a typical nice guy will use all his time, efforts and energy on them,
only to receive very little in return apart from the inevitable friendship or a
shoulder to cry on. When I use the word admire, I mean it in the sense of how
bad boys acquire these attractive women and not necessarily how they treat
them. No matter what anyone protests,
bad boys are born and not made. If a
nice guy made attempts to become one he would turn into an embarrassment in
front of women, and more importantly, in front of himself.
With
the above in mind, it is my firm belief that the usual bad boy has another
distinct advantage in his sexual predilections in comparison to other men. These guys often have lower selectivity in their preferences of female types, and providing a sexual arousal is
attainable for them, the women they acquire can often be nothing more than
average in the visual impressiveness department. With this kind of male mindset, hence
liaising with women that simply will be nothing more than a sexual encounter
for him, a man will naturally have less remorse in leaving a woman in emotional
turmoil. A man with options is a man who
refrains from treating one woman like an ice queen. A high sex drive and low exclusivity threshold manifest to offer a substantially greater number of choices and
opportunities irrespective of a man’s physical attractiveness or his other
appeal criteria. The “take it or leave
it” attitude allows this kind of guy to act far more relaxed and far less
supplicated when around women, as he has confidence that another door will open
once this one closes. Women sense this
confidence very early on in the interaction stage (sometimes even before they
have interacted), and the challenge of being coveted drives them further
towards them. In comparison, a man who
is better looking and higher value may attract the eye of more women at first
glance, but if he is incredibly selective in his opposite sex preferences he
will not have anywhere near as many avenues that lead to female offerings. When this man of choosiness does meet his
ideal match, psychological pressure amounts due to thoughts of a lack of
alternatives, and he is susceptible in delivering moves that detract, rather
than attract, women. This is of course
until he learns to adapt.
There
will not be many women who haven’t experienced bad boys for themselves or
possessed impulsive or imperceptible urges for the lure of these types of men
they refer to in negative language. They
may talk about these men in vicious terms, but compare the words they speak to
how they then act when around his vicinity.
It will usually be worlds apart.
Yet again, watching a woman’s moves will offer far more substantiation
to her true feelings and emotions than listening to what she says.
Much
depends on the type of female character in determining the extent of
repetitious mistakes in never learning.
For example, a higher intellectual, intelligent and career orientated
woman is more likely to avoid repeating her ventures with another bad boy, as
higher self-esteem and confidence congregate to form pride in her mind that she
deserves to be treated more respectfully.
Basically, she has a higher opinion of herself in comparison to a woman
of lesser intelligence and higher insecurity, and it acts as a voice within to
inform her that these guys are no benefit to her in the long term. On the other hand, a more naive woman, even
if equally or even more physically attractive, will not attain as much
self-belief in herself as an overall person.
Consequently, she will feel a need to belong to the popularity crowd –
the crowd that a bad boy belongs to.
Errors of judgment will be abundant, absolute and even concurrent with
this type of female character. She will
probably learn in eventual time, but she is far more susceptible to the sexual
craving a jerk can offer rather than the assurance of a nice guy provider
concept. Easily put, a nice guy will
provide for her financially and provide loyalty and commitment, but she will
forever be looking over her shoulder for the next rugged, better-looking and
more challenging man who can offer her the emotional chemistry she is missing
in her life.
If
a nice guy ever needed convincing of how women can say one thing but act in
another way when it comes to the subject of bad boys, I recollect one
particular event that happened in the corporate department where I worked. The assistant manager was a married man with
two young children. He had just bought a
new house for his wife and kids to move into that doubled the mortgage
debt. Whilst never proven, he had a
reputation for being a bad boy prior to his marriage. There was an administration woman in the same
department who had to liaise with him every day. He spoke to her disrespectfully day in and
day out, sometimes bringing her to tears.
She often bad mouthed him to other members of the department, stating
how she couldn’t work with him and that if he gained the promotion to
department manager she would depart from the company. After a works night out, the two of them
slept together, and they started having an affair behind his wife’s back for a
couple of months. Shortly after, the
administration woman was pregnant, and he consequently left his wife and
children to be with her. Many white
knights may say this is an isolated case, but I believe this is indicative to
how careful a good guy needs to be if he is in a relationship with a female who
states extreme abhor towards these kinds of men.
Does
the bad boy win every time? Well, not
necessarily. Many women, and men, are
guilty of thinking and believing there are only two types of men - the nice guy
and the bad boy. For the moment, I’m
going to place someone in the middle of this differential and label him the good guy. These men are in the minority of men in the
western cultured countries, and I believe no more than 5% of the male
population (nice guys account for 80%, whilst bad boys make up 15%). This man will also often be referred to as a high value man (a higher value version
of a good guy), because simply put,
he has high value in his overall sexual market value. I mentioned the fact bad boys are born and
not made, however let’s take the confidence attribute from the bad boy and
dismiss the “too nice” deficiency of the nice guy. The reason these two attributes are picked is
because when the woman graded her positives and negatives in her mind,
confidence scored the highest positive score and “too nice” attained the
highest negative score. If you analyzed
all the other negative characteristics she made for the good guy (the one who
falls in between), they would be harder for him to change (although far from
impossible). Confidence, and a lack of
acting too nice or showing desperation are within the capabilities of most
guys, and this is without the need to illustrate arrogance and a lack of
respect to others. What would an
attractive woman prefer: someone with confidence but who walks around with a
lack respect for everything, or a man with a confident demeanour who presents a
friendly, receptive expression on his face?
So there is hope for the nice guys out there with just a little fine
tuning along the way.
It
shouldn’t be lost on anyone that women never lose the visceral feelings for men
with raw male power and good looks. A
woman doesn’t just suddenly wake up on her 23rd birthday and say “I
now find cleaner and more responsible nice guys more physically
attractive.” But they do rationalize to
suit their greater diversity needs, and in my opinion, they often go too far to
this extreme. They naturally look for a
man who can offer them financial security, a responsible father figure to
potential children and good husband material, but by rowing too far against the
tide derives a missing of emotional passion that was once accustomed to. That’s hard for a woman to give up, even if
it means catering for her ego by being with a guy who constantly makes her feel
special. Nice guys hold the key, because
they will always get a chance with women due to female requirements to feel
wanted. But once there, so many nice
guys get it wrong by not adapting in challenging them. Women, deep down, resent this deliverable,
and this will go a long way in explaining why so many women, at younger ages especially,
initiate the withdrawal from relationships or marriages.
Maybe women think they do want a nice guy but they need to be attracted to him in the first place. So a nice guy acting nice is only going to send her attraction south. A jerk can be a jerk and get away with it if she loves him. Nice guys have less leeway even though they do way more good things.
ReplyDeleteBe the jerk, get the girl.Does what it says on the tin
ReplyDeleteInsecure women give secure women a bad name.
ReplyDeleteVi Nay’s a pro jerk!!!
ReplyDeleteWriting a blog of this is only going to make more men jerks. And u say u wanna help nice guys???
ReplyDeleteFairness, I don’t call him a jerk. Maybe a nice guy who’s been scorned or a bad boy got better..
ReplyDeleteJerks for the girls, damaged goods for the sucker nice boys
ReplyDeleteRubbish, I know loads of women who finally find Mr Right after some wrong men in their early life.
ReplyDeleteHow can it be so many women go for jerks yet they end up with nice guys???
ReplyDeleteA lot of jerks do not show their crazy side until they have a woman nice and comfortable, then the pull the rug out from under her and reveal a personality reminiscent of Norman Bates. Even if there are warning signs with guys like this, so often during those early stages of a relationship, females will be blinded by love and lust and disregard the small stuff. At that point, she’ll probably have already fallen in love and found false security in this person, and that’s the kind of troubale that girls have a really hard time walking from, especially when they’ve got their own massive insecurities.
ReplyDelete