“There is kind of beauty in imperfection.” (Conrad Hall)
A reader makes a comment on the back of this previous post, based on his experiences with women over an apparent decade of his, relatively speaking, diminishing physical attractiveness.
Great post & I agree with your hunch that
most of these "Chads" the blackpill folks refer too are above average
looking guys (7 to 7.75). A lot of those blackpillers focus on physical
masculinity traits as opposed to overall aesthetics.
I've followed the blog off and on since its inception and while I wish the blackpillers we're right, my own experience in my physical prime says otherwise. If they were, this blog would probably not exist. I find they often discount pretty boy traits or a more balanced handsomeness.
Also the older that I get, the more I agree with pretty much all you say in this blog.
When I was in my physical looks prime in my 20s, I struggled with women. I was around an 8, based on your ratings from the photos in your article about mens photographs from July 2014.
Now in my late 30s/early 40s, I'm more of what the blackpillers call a Chad, more masculine looking, but lose some of the pretty boy handsomeness. WIth natural aging and some weight gain, my looks have diminished from an 8 to maybe a 6.75 or 7.
However, my success with women is much better now. Women are not as cold or distant and seem more excited and open to see me. I strike a more decent but not awe inspiring look now.
I would probably do a lot better dating in a big city now than I would have in my 20s
I think having good looks is a blessing & should be something a man is proud of, but as I've experienced as well as many commenters in your blog it is a disadvantage with women.
Not that I ever needed an anecdotal comment of this nature to reinforce a conscious belief I have attained for over a decade, combined with a probable passing comprehension I held as someone younger too, but it is always a breath of fresh air when I hear a life experience of this kind from another man. You see, there was/is a method to my madness after all…
As I have stated previously, it is an incredibly difficult topic – the best looking men having trouble getting women to date them (whether for just sex or longer term relationships) – to try and explain to the everyday man off the street. There are a list of reasons to why this is a hard explanation to pitch. The list is unexhaustive, but it will cover the main points:
· One, it comes across as cocky and arrogant to suggest you are too good looking to make women feel comfortable with you.
· Two, the vast majority of men, such is the fact that the vast majority of men are mediocre looking, will have never experienced first-hand this somewhat counterproductive scenario for themselves.
· Three, men are not very observant or knowledgeable to how women select male partners on a physical attractiveness basis.
· Four, most men wrongly assume that women think the same way as they do – in believing women screen for the hottest men in the same way men screen for the hottest women.
· Five, lesser looking men prefer to think, and take egotistical comfort in thinking, that the main reason women will box below their weight in physical looks terms with male partners is because of what a lesser looking man has to offer her – status, money, personality, profession, confidence, manhood size etc.
· Six, it puts a lesser man’s nose out of joint when an exampled much better looking man than himself is spoken about, let alone about this topic.
The reader’s experience…
This is why, when the words arrive from another man who has sailed the linear path of good-looking (8/10) to just about above average (6.75/10 to 7/10) in male physical attractiveness, you have to stand up and listen. His honesty is applauding, but again, he only describes what I would have expected in any case.
I like his words referencing that women, since he has declined a full grade or more in physical looks terms, are not as cold or distant and seem more excited and open to see him. My good reader friends, this in a nutshell exemplifies a woman’s ego. Whilst she may not be as instinctively sexually attracted to him in bed eyes or heart beating respects, he has hit the perfect balance to tick all the boxes.
This perfect balance is what is called male above average physical attractiveness. He is still more aesthetically gifted than the majority of men a women will see, but he is not at a striking or stand out level that puts her nose out of joint. This is just the way she likes it, especially at the beginning.
A recent experience of my own
Forgive me for taking this opportunity to relay it back to me, but it is worth yet again illustrating the way women’s emotional minds, and their ultimate decisions, work and play out respectively.
The woman at the heart of this now familiar and consistent real life occurrence is the woman as explained in this post (the tall woman). Over the last year, if I said that I have caught her looking at me a hundred times then this would genuinely not be an exaggeration.
During the last few weeks, let us just say that my path to talk to her in an intimate way was made clearer. This timeframe over the last month also coincided with a few very friendly smiles from her projected onto me. After a couple of visits to the gym where the timing was not quite right to approach her, the time arrived last Monday (a public holiday, therefore I had, as she would have too, more time on my hands due to no pressing work commitments) to do so.
In relativity to the gym presence, she was looking as hot as she could do. Her hair was down, she had clearly given herself a weekend self-tanning lotion application (as I notice she does most weekends), and she was wearing high shorts to show off her long and toned legs.
Q-tip 1: If you are a top end physically attractive man (>8/10), you will have your best opportunities, or at least your best chance of her being positively receptive, when a woman is looking at her hottest. If she is below you in the slightest (or by further margins of course), the positive outcomes will most likely be compromised.
Even with this considered, I would be hard pressed to say she is anything above an 8.25/10 at her absolute peak. This is leveraging to allow for her best on a night out look, which I have never seen. I am pretty much at that level in gender relative terms without even having to spend five minutes getting ready. With these factors in mind, I can nearly always anticipate the predictable outcome playing out, but in any case, a man should always run with the glass half full when the conclusion is unknown.
As this woman had always come across as an approachable and friendly person, combined with me believing (based on the inundated affable glances in my direction) there was a fair chance she is a rare woman who embraces male beauty rather than being acrimonious towards it, I felt there was a good prospect she would at least be warm and positive in the introductory stage. How wrong I was.
At the end of my session, it appeared she had finished too. She walked up to the water fountain, and I stood next to her in asking her nothing more than an environmental question about her workout. She kind of looked at me, and subsequently looked away immediately. I asked her the same question once more, and she ignored again. I walked away.
Whilst not happy about this, I gave her the plausible deniability benefit of the doubt that she could claim she never heard me. Her head was not facing me, and she had her earphones in. Maybe she was a little fazed about the fact I had approached her, therefore I decided to give her another chance a couple of days later.
On this occasion, she was facing more towards me. I walked up to her and said, “Morning, are you alright?” She ignored me, and once more kind of looked away. I moved to one side a bit to look her in the eye, and I repeated the words in louder tone. Ignored again. I then proceeded to train where I needed to (five yards away from her), and I walked away before she had finished and without saying anything else to her.
Two days later, as I walked nearer her position (in only noticing her at the point I needed to turn at a near ninety degree angle) she was smiling at me in the same affectionate way as she had expressed just a couple of weeks ago. I did not blank her, but I just gave her an indifferent look back before striding on.
A final thought
What is the betting that if I went through the same process as the reader – in losing a full grade or so in physical attractiveness – she would have been far more receptive? Would she have not only spoken to me, but also been open to invitations? My answer to both questions is a categoric yes.
This is why a dynamic of this kind is so hard to explain to most men out there. On the basis both parties are single, most onlooking men would just expect said good-looking man to approach said hot woman, and for them to start dating as soon as phone numbers were exchanged. What most men have no idea of is how the hot woman thinks, and how her ego dictates and controls her actions.
For the record, I have seen her in comfortable disposition concurrent to talking with about a dozen other men in the gym over the last few weeks. These men range from 5.5/10 to 7.25/10 in male physical attractiveness. In this same timeframe, she blanked me as explained. Sheer coincidence? I very much doubt it. The trend is your friend, until the end.
Q-tip 2: Some of your biggest knockbacks, cold shoulders, rejections, and nose out of joint demeanours in the aftermath of interacting with women can be seen as the biggest back-handed compliments you will encounter. You just have to paddle between the logic and illogical, and subsequently work out the truth for what it is. The truth is often what the masses would construe as illogic reasoning.
Q-tip 3: All else being equal, a man should hit on a woman who is 10% to 20% more physically attractive than he is. It is just reversing the formula when calculated from what women want in men.
Hey Vinay, from what I see in this post, is it better for a top good looking man to only be asking out women at his attractiveness level and over? Since by what you said it sounds like any girl below is just going to blank you. The situation that happened to you with that girl has happened to me with multiple girls, and it feels good to know it’s not cause I’m defective or awkward. And also, I had a question too. Why is it that women that actually are into me and would take it further always have boyfriends, and in some occasions they’ve been married. And I always find out later. This girl at work told me she had a boyfriend, but she actually had a husband. And I know she is actually interested cause she’s always staring at me and always looking for my approval. And when I didn’t know she was married, she was open to my advances. She even was the one who advanced first. She still is open, but I don’t want to get involved in a situation like that. Have you had experiences like that? Thanks Vinay.ReplyDelete
Hey Vinay, ignore my second question, you seem to have answered it on a comment on the post before this one. But what you said about the 80/20 rule is more interesting. And also you said that it’s better to open with something in your surroundings. But wouldn’t cold approaching waste your time less? I haven’t done much of either lately since I’ve been saving money and I’m moving and leaving to another country to live. So dating hasn’t been a top priority since even if I find a girlfriend I’m leaving anyway. And yeah, just ignore my second question. Thanks Vinay.Delete
One more question Vinay, 😂. How do you screen women to be homely girls, as you call them. Cause at the end of the day, that’s the type of girl I want. I don’t want headaches. Thanks again.Delete
You know what, I want to make it simple. Let me rephrase everything I asked and put it into one question. What type of women have been the ones that you have dated, and how is it that you screen for them? Sorry for writing so much. Once you publish it, there’s no deleting it.ReplyDelete
That will make it easier, Adrian. If you give me a week I will issue as a bespoke post to the question. I will also embed the homely girls question in too.Delete
Thanks for the write up based on my comment!ReplyDelete
I think point 4 is an important one, men assume women pick men the same way men pick women. So we logically think the better looking you are the more real options you have.
This can really mess with your mind. I would have people give me compliments but as I said I struggled with women. I had more of a feminine pretty look and I was too pretty, or not masculine enough for many women. I did get the occasional gay comments as well.
I would always wonder what is wrong with me. But its always arrogant to say or even think you're too pretty for a particular woman.
And you often have haters too if you even think to complain that you are struggling with women.
Also I did notice I didn't have a ton of close male friends. I would party with a lot of guys, but I often found it tough to relate and they were close with each other but not me, I just chalked it up to personality and not me being better looking.
And point 3 too, we often are not observant on how women chose men.
Even in the beta bucks, alpha f, there is the assumption that they go for best looking man for the alpha side, but as you have astutely pointed out that is not the case.
And then you see guys who are a smashing success (pun intended) with women and they look more brutish or rugby looking. Generally speaking they had more fit & muscular bodies than I and were over 6 foot tall.
And these average guys with fit bodies who are over 6 foot tall are often the most confident because of pre-selection where they hot enough to attract her but not so hot to make her feel insecure. SO they have many options. Whereas often the best looking guys I found were the most insecure.
Agreed mate. All else equal, it is more advantageous to be an above average looking man than a good looking man in terms of securing cute and hot women on a wholescale basis.Delete
As you rightly point out, these above average looking men (6ft tall or more especially) strike the balance, and this manifests to produce a greater number of women being interested to pursue, even if these women actually find a better looking (8/10 or more) man more sexually attractive and visually pleasing. The greater the number of women pursuing a man, the greater the number becomes even more so (hence - preselection, and it's compounding effect).