“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then to do it." (Ann Landers)
Reader komunisti asks for my thoughts on the following:
How are you?
Hope you are well!
Might I know what do you think about the BLACKPILL community? Especially the Chanel WHEAT WAFFLES in YouTube, his videos about "all that matters in dating are look" seems brutally true to me.
I am not a fan of black pill mentality, although give a man the choice out of (only one) blue pill or black pill only, and I would advise him to pick the latter over the former. Still, I do not believe a black pill mindset offers much positive productivity to a man. I also do not think it bears much relevance to the pragmatism of what happens in the real world, especially in the community advice regarding how women choose men.
I will be honest up front though, and I confess to have never expended a great deal of my time to any black pill literature or information. Why would I if I do not believe in the product, so to speak? That said, I have read enough about it to know what it stands for. To me, it by and large comes across as men who have given up on life.
Life is tough, I know this better than most, but are you just going to let life (and women) win the war? I am certainly not going to let this happen to me throughout my one shot at life, that is for sure. There are always ways to overcome a situation, no matter how murky, depressing or challenging it may seem. You just need to find the solution/s, even if it does not arrive in your mind at that immediate moment.
Q-tip 1: If you allow your mind to think life is one big problem, life will trample all over you without an ounce of remorse to your well-being. If you break up that big problem, and chop it up into little pieces of problems, life does not attain as much kinetic energy to knock you down. Being struck by a large asteroid will kill you, but fragmented pieces may only hurt you. Once back on your feet, you will be better prepared for the next confrontation that comes your way.
What is my preferred approach?
I have always been a firm believer of the following five mentalities/approaches - amalgamated and interchanged (often improvised to suit the situation, or hence the woman, in hand) - that a man should bring into his life:
1) Red pill mentality
2) Extensive knowledge of female emotional psychology and habits
3) Proactive interaction strategy to manipulate a situation into your favour
4) Master your state of mind
5) Predict people’s likely reasoning and decisions
Let us briefly take one step at a time. I will not elaborate too much as by now any person who has read this blog regularly should know the basic principles, and more, to a tee.
· A red pill mentality allows a man to know that he should not live in blissful ignorance, he should accept the bitter truths that exist in life, and he should find a happy medium between cynicism and optimism. In essence, he should not be fearful of what society thinks of him, but he equally should not be resentful towards the rigours and negative situations life throws at him.
· A man should study female emotional psychology, and establish what makes women the way they are. He should observe trends, learn from his life experience (whether directly or indirectly) with the opposite sex, and start to place pieces to the jigsaw over time. He should accept that women are complex creatures, and being bitter towards them for this is neither healthy nor productive. Nevertheless, he should be forthcoming in not being afraid of criticising them too. Ultimately, what once frustrated you, is now no skin off your nose either way of the outcome.
· Learning interaction strategy (game), and in turn being proactive in transitioning the theory into practice, will benefit a man during his peer to peer dialogue with women. He will find ways to eradicate anti-game (i.e - being too nice, too passive, too agreeable, too feminine, too much of a lapdog etc), and then integrate discrete proactive positive interaction tactics with women (i.e – subtle “negs”, breaking the touch barrier at the right time, talking about the things she is interested in or the common ground you both have, getting a little sexual, closing the deal etc).
· By mastering your state of mind, this is maybe the most beneficial attribute you will ever possess in life. If you master yourself and your state of mind, you start to care very little about what people think of you, you become far more confident in your existence and offerings to life, and you spend far less time and energy on things that do not repay a mutual return in association with your endeavours.
· By predicting people’s likely reasoning and decisions, it forms a natural water off a duck’s back mentality within your psychological thinking that once again refrains you from spending as much exertion on things that once frustrated you and left you scratching your head constantly.
In easy summary, all five deliverables manifest to decrease your disappointment in life, and subsequently (or concurrently) increase your satisfaction of life.
Black pill consensus that physical looks are everything
As a regular and dedicated reader of Women’s choices: men’s divorces, I am a little surprised in you, komunisti, for thinking this – black pill consensus that looks are everything in the dating world – is brutally true (as you quote). You should have read enough in my blog to question this in-house black pill harmony. Nevertheless, let us analyse it in segments.
First, and at the risk of you being better versed in black pill reasoning than me, if they (especially this Wheat Waffles dude) are stating that physical attractiveness is the be all and end all for both sexes, then in a way they are nearly half right. As men are so engrossed in a woman’s physical attractiveness, aesthetic beauty is so important in women’s ability to attract men that any other factor is nearly irrelevant on an apples for apples basis. It is only relevant when two women are at a very similar hotness level that a man starts to assess other female attributes – her personality, likeability, perceived (or proven) loyalty and faithfulness, or even (to a much lower extent) profession or wealth level.
With the above in mind, yes, physical looks are pretty much everything to a woman. I do not doubt this at all.
Now, you probably know where I totally disagree with the black pill solidarity in their belief that women are only interested in men’s hotness level. I actually do not know where to start in a disagreement argument on this, and quite frankly all anyone has to do is read dozens of posts I have devised over a decade to explain, illustrate, and substantiate on this subject.
With this considered, I am not going to base my contrasting view on multiple bullet points to debate against. Instead, all I ask from anyone is to honestly (and I stress the word HONESTLY) answer the following:
· How many hot women (8/10 or higher) have you seen with your own two eyes alongside boyfriends, fiancés or husbands (or just partners of some kind) who are equal or higher than her in gender relative terms with reference to physical attractiveness? Now compare that number to the said same woman who is with a man 10%, 15%, 20%, or even >20% less physically attractive than her?
· How many cute women (6.75/10 to 7.75/10) have you seen with your own two eyes with boyfriends, fiancés or husbands (or just partners of some kind) who are equal or higher than her in gender relative terms with reference to physical attractiveness? Now compare that number to the said same woman who is with a man 5%, 10%, 15%, or even >15% less physically attractive than her?
· How many women who are <6.75/10 have you seen with boyfriends, fiancés or husbands (or just partners of some kind) who are equal or higher than her in gender relative terms with reference to physical attractiveness? Now compare that number to the said same woman who is with a man less physically attractive than her?
I think you know where I am going with this. All I can say is that if you are seeing women with men as (or more) physically attractive than them, then you are living in a different world to me. And I have been to many countries around the world to have a balanced and rounded view on this analysis. If anyone disagrees with me (once more, stressing a disagreement based on their honesty), then I wish I lived in that world where women prioritize men’s look ahead of anything else. Whilst I have always strived to not solely rely on my physical attractiveness, when all said and done it is my unique selling point, per se.
Therefore, it would be in my interest for women to place optimum importance on the way a man looks over and above any other male desirability, but I am far more interested in reality than devising a make-believe fairy tale movie of life that clearly is not what I see with my own two eyes.
A final thought
To cut these black pill advocators some slack for a moment however, I kind of think I know what they are chomping at in terms of their misguided attempts of, maybe sincere but often insincere, guidance towards other men. My hunch tells me that a lot of these men are average looking (say, 5.5 to 6.75/10, as most men below forty years of age sit between) men themselves, or even below average looking (which applies to most men above forty years of age), and they are seeing a lot of cute and hot women with above average (7/10 to 7.75/10) men. These common sights align with reality.
In simple terms, a 6/10 man in physical attractiveness views a 7/10 man as good looking in relativity to himself, when in fact a 7/10 man is seen (or should be seen) as no more than being above average looking from the eyesight of a good looking (8/10 or greater) man. As there are far more men in the world who are above average looking than good looking, said average looking man is somewhat falsifying the truth behind what women are doing. What the most sought after (cute and hot) women are doing is usually going for better looking men than the mediocre looking man, but they are not going for the hottest man they can possibly set eyes on. In fact, a woman will nearly always, with deliberation, go for a man who is not as aesthetically blessed as herself.
I will be the first to hold my hands up when I start to see a prevalent changing of the guard – in seeing a higher percentage of women with men who are on similar looks terms at the top end of physical attractiveness – but to this day I see no sign of any transition. If anything, the last ten years have just seen a gradual further illustration that women do anything but seek out the hottest men.
Q-tip 2: There is an enormous ratio of women who enthuse over hot celebrity men, in relation to women (the same women) who opt to be with much lesser looking men. At an estimate, this ratio is 20:1. Never confuse what women say with what they do.
Q-tip 3: Always allow your objective and honest eyes to make the decisions for you before any other source of information. Refrain from making your mind up on what others tell you is the truth.
A final, final thought
I was walking around Loughborough town centre the other weekend when I saw an attractive young woman (about twenty years of age). Alongside her was a tall, dark, handsome, and slim/athletic bodied man of similar age. It was such a rare sight that it stood out like a sore thumb.
The immediate conclusions I drew to this extremely sparse viewing were:
· In a university environment (in particular a sport university), this couple dynamic will be more frequent than in any other social environment.
· Equally good looking couples are more prominent at a younger age (16 to 22). That said, they are still a minority occurrence at this age versus a couple consisting of hot woman with an average to above average looking man.
· They are simply an exception to the norm.
Hope you're well mate.
As per your comment:
''As a regular and dedicated reader of Women’s choices: men’s divorces, I am a little surprised in you, komunisti, for thinking this – black pill consensus that looks are everything in the dating world – is brutally true (as you quote). You should have read enough in my blog to question this in-house black pill harmony. Nevertheless, let us analyse it in segments."
Over the last few months I have joined the blackpill community by watching many of these videos.
However, while beauty has an impact we can't deny, I remembered you Vinay, and your amazing blog. My ideas were confused; it's not easy still being single at my age, and anything that looks reasonably well presented, like videos from the black pill community, will dupe you.
I wanted to clarify my ideas by writing to you, and that's why I asked for your opinion. Which is always the best, and I thank you for that.
Keep writing Vinay, you have a faithful reader in me.
No problem mate. It was not a dig, I respect and admire your intelligence in fact. A breath of fresh air compared to the masses of less intelligent (not always their fault of course).Delete
It would be good to give me a quick summary of what these black pill guys preach and advocate, based on the time you have spent on their videos etc.
Cheers dude. Keep a positive mind.
First of all I want to apologize for the delay in response.
That said, the black pill is characterized by categorizing and ranking the different types of men according to their beauty.
For instance, attractive and popular men who are sexually successful with women are called "Chad", and their sexual market value is very high. In order to achieve "Chaddom", blackpillers encourage "looksmaxxing", a set of practices that ranges from skincare to plastic surgery.
Women are represented either as "Stacys", who are hyperfeminine, attractive and unattainable and who only date "Chads", or "Beckys", the average woman.
I have read some articles on the internet, which I agree with them, to inform me and explain myself better, that's why my English sounds better this time xD
All the best
Thanks for the brief mate. It is always good to know these things, even if I agree with very little.Delete
A few comments from me:
1) If they are referring to "Chads" in respect to very good looking men who are famous/very high status, then yes, these men will get the hottest women. But then an ugly famous man can also get any hot woman he wants, therefore it is the fame (and not the looks) that are the reason here.
2) What proof do they have that a non-famous/none very high status man, who is very good looking, is sexually successful with inundated hot women? Are they picking out isolated exceptions and examples to back up this argument?
3) What reasons (if any, as I doubt they do) do they give regarding the visual reality of a very high percentage of cute and hot women being seen hand in hand with mediocre looking men?
4) A famous man undertaking "looksmaxxing" duties can get away with this, and still pull the most sought after women. The vast majority (>90%) of men who "looksmax", especially if he is already good looking beforehand, will be frowned upon by women for doing so, and women will not go near him on a sexual front due to him loving himself too much and feeling inferior to him.
5) The "Stacys" only dating "Chads" theory is a total fallacy in the face of the real world (unless, as stated above, "Chad" is famous). If this was the case, why are most "Stacys" being seen with average looking men?
I think they are leading you down a path that is a million miles from what happens, by and large, in the real world mate. The choice is your own of course to who you choose to believe...
I trust in your words.
When I said I agree with them is regarding the depiction of the blackpill community made by journalists. I do not agree with blackpill anymore.
In fact I had my own doubts about that community which you answered me.
I second your last statement. Out of all the manosphere blogs I read, this one is by far the most informative and easy to red and digest. Thank you for your efforts and time Vinay.
Nice one Rolexhandyman. If I can help only a few men in the world then I will die a happy man.Delete
Excellent post once again. I'm glad you talked about this as I've seen far more men sink into the blackpill as of late. Perhaps a natural consequence of the environment promoting online interactions? Either way, I agree with your analysis. That's why I enjoy the nuance you apply to gender dynamics and female psychology.ReplyDelete
For my own thoughts, I have a similar sentiment in that I find almost nothing redeeming in the blue pill. It's fairy tale nonsense and while in my most precious moments with my family I do believe in love, many aspects of relationships are more unforgiving and transactional.
I give the black pill credit in one meaningful way, and I feel this is the true meaning of the black pill:
- Looks are NOTICED
Essentially, the objective elements of attraction that the black pill espouses are noticed both directly and subconsciously. You know this yourself from the changes you went through and I know from my transformation. Every single minute change I made ended up having an effect on how I was "perceived". But as you state, a higher looks score does not translate to partner selection in a practical manner. It is simply "acknowledged". The dynamic changes. I've improved even more since I last commented on your blog and not one day has there been a sudden cessation of the nervousness, skepticism, etc I face with women. I've worked on my own ways past it, but looks are judged by people quickly and obfuscating that is what is distasteful with the blue pill.
As a facetitious example, telling people "X doesn't matter" is true if you mean in essence "it matters to such a minute degree it won't make a practical difference." If you have a slightly receding hairline over a full head of hair. If you make 100k instead of 150k. I mean they both matter, even if barely. I hardly think either would change your results much, but society extends it to large significant changes and even to the point of saying looks don't matter at all.
The black pill is unfortunately a myopic extreme opposing force. It has merit in part of its message, but it's full average looking men(including wheat waffles himself) who have zero life experience for what extremely attractive men go through.
Love the post, Vinay. I hope you're in good health!
Wise words my friend, and like the other two commenters, it is refreshing to hear a balanced and objective driven mentality.Delete
I would go along with pretty much everything you state. Blue pill is too extreme in faith, ideology and fallacy, whereas black pill appears to deliver from a misconception viewpoint on a bitter and resentful context. I have no problem with people being cynical about aspects of life, in fact I respect and sometimes endorse this big balls attitude, but if someone is basing their cynicism (and bitterness) based on things that are not common happenings in the world (hence, their misconception women only go for the hottest men), than this misguided bullshit needs to be placed in garbage pile, imo.
I would love to ask one of these black pill men what they are truthfully seeing in life on a wholesale basis, and put them on a lie detector when answering.
Are they just simply basing their verbalization on isolated cases and the easy way out/lazy thought process? I expect it is a high degree of both.
Hey Vinay, I wanted to ask you what are your thoughts on Andrew Tate's perspective on a man being unfaithful and there being nothing wrong with it. Since men are biologically programmed to have sex with as much women as they can, and women can’t be unfaithful since they’re programmed to find the most suitable man and be loyal to him. Granted, he was talking about high value men. He said women shouldn’t accept this from the everyday man, but looking for a high value man comes with a price. And he also said these men don’t need to lie about it, they can be honest and pose it as a take it or leave it. I agree with what he says, but I wanted to know your opinion about it. If you do agree then should it be acceptable for a regular man to do so if he still is on the lower side of high value? (Not famous or billionaire but still standing out amongst men in financial, fitness, and life knowledge.)ReplyDelete
Hey Vinay, I wanted to ask you what are your thoughts on Andrew Tate's perspective on a man being unfaithful and there being nothing wrong with it. Since men are biologically programmed to have sex with as much women as they can, and women can’t be unfaithful since they’re programmed to find the most suitable man and be loyal to him. Granted, he was talking about high value men. He said women shouldn’t accept this from the everyday man, but looking for a high value man comes with a price. And he also said these men don’t need to lie about it, they can be honest and pose it as a take it or leave it. I agree with what he says, but I wanted to know your opinion about it. If you do agree then should it be acceptable for a regular man to do so if he still is on the lower side of high value? (Not famous or billionaire but still standing out amongst men in financial, fitness, and life knowledge.)Delete
Sorry about posting it twice, I forgot to write my name
About to post a response on it mate. Cheers.Delete