Friday 28 April 2023

Girlfriends in my life


“If you dance with your eyes closed, the memories seem to last longer.”


Adrian asks a couple of questions on the back of this previous post.

What type of women have been the ones that you have dated, and how is it that you screen for them?

How do you screen women to be homely girls, as you call them. Cause at the end of the day, that’s the type of girl I want. I don’t want headaches. Thanks again.

My response:

The easiest way to answer the first question is to give a synopsis on the five longest relationships I have been involved in.  The durations ranged from five months to over five years, although all but one of them consisted of breaks within the emotional association.  Sometimes I saw other women in those separation to reconnecting interim periods, and other times not.

Claire :- 7.5/10 hotness level

I met Claire when I was at university.  Although she was not the first girl I had sexual endeavours with, she was the first I dated who surpassed the four month mark.  When it did pass this milestone, I started to realize we would be more than just a freshers fling.  We were together for over three years.

Claire was the most confident woman I have ever been involved with.  She possessed a magical amalgamated innocence, gutsy, bubbly and outgoing personality, which was assisted with an air of self-assurance but still occasional doubts in herself.  She put herself out there in an empathetic way, and whilst not enjoying rejection via acquaintances or professions, she shrugged it off and got on with things. 

Even to this day, with comparable physical looks to one side for a moment, I have to say she was the best girlfriend (and wife) material out of any woman I have been with.  I would even go as far to say that she is one of the best in this respect out of any woman I have met in my life.  Even though it seems a million years ago, I still think of her occasionally.  She was not the one for me if I put my hand on my heart, but I doubt her now husband could have asked for anyone better.

In terms of us getting together, it was quite simple.  I saw her checking me out in a bar from close distance, and we had an extended conversation later on in a small nightclub.  A couple of days on, and a mutual friend told me she was interested in me.  Whilst I was not instinctively attracted to her (I actually liked her friend more in a sexual attraction manner), I just felt so relaxed when talking to her.  We started dating about a month later.

Claire was one of those women you could introduce to anyone, in knowledge she would just mingle in with the conversation irrespective to it being someone she knew or a complete stranger.  It was a joy to be with her, even if she still had occasional moments of trying to create drama and arguments unnecessarily.  She was fairly good and willing in bed, but not great.

An important note to Claire and I is that we had quite a few mutual friends.  These respective social groups were not incredibly close, but close enough to ease the initial stages of what could sometimes be awkwardness or silence.  When you know a woman either personally or through friends, the path to something more serious is a far smoother and easier one.

Steffi :- 8.75/10 hotness level

I met Steffi on a summer vacation.  I was queuing for a drink when I noticed this extremely attractive long haired blonde (hence, Steffi) behind me.  When we got to the drinks order point, I was kind of ignored by the bartender, and I somehow ended up returning to the back of the queue.  Bizarrely though, this blonde also ended up back behind me.

When we reached the drinks order point once more, the blonde asked me if I could order the drink for her.  I did, and it led naturally to a conversation.  I remember seeing her eyes look at me in such an obvious attraction that even a half-drunk man could not be oblivious to.

We had an incredible three nights that followed.  I remember struggling to find her in the nightclub on my final night, and I almost resigned to never seeing her again.  The mobile phone signals were patchy, although I almost wondered at the time if fate was just meant to end this way.  I was even considering leaving the venue such was my despondency, when suddenly we set eyes on each other.  I think it was one of those moments where the world could not stand in the way of unmeasurable sexual attraction and love.

To this day, I have still never felt the way I did that night, in that moment, with any other woman.  I am not saying I loved Steffi the most, as I did not, but that one night will stay with me forever.  With this considered though, she was the least experienced and, as a probable by-product, one of the worst between the sheets in respect to experimentation, variation, proactive approach, and willingness to please me.  We lasted about five months, before her university ventures took over her priorities.  

I’ll never forget the day I saw her disappear up the airport escalator towards departures, as I watched on with internal tears dropping to my beating heart.  That was the final time I saw her.  If the truth be told, and in spite of dating more than a few other women in between, it took me a year to get over her fully and truly.  Lesson learnt…

Zoe :- 8/10 hotness level

Zoe, out of the five I refer to, was probably the furthest away from me in respect to compatible alignment of character.  She was not a thicko in intelligence terms by any respect, in fact compared to most women I have met in my life she attained a much more endearing personality and better conversational skills.  Nevertheless, she was the least educated out of all.

We met in a bar on a random winter’s Saturday night in my local city of Derby.  Me and a friend somehow got talking to one of the women in their group (about half a dozen of them), and it did not take her long to ask me what I thought of Zoe.  After saying I liked Zoe, and her friend telling me to talk to her (apparently Zoe had already told her I was “fit”), we exchanged numbers after a ten to fifteen minute conversation.

We went out a couple of nights later, and we dated for six months during a period I was mainly out of work.  It ended quite acrimoniously, and she said some nasty things the day we split (although she kind of retracted the following day, most likely to ease her guilt).  When I look back, it was most probably nothing more than sexual chemistry, and a need to find a long term partner from both perspectives at that time in our lives, which put us together.  Without proof, I would put my house on the likelihood she had slept with considerably more men than any of the others included in this post.

She was not a slut by any stretch, but she did like sex.  Coming to think of it, I think in this dynamic she was a rare woman (especially considering she was 27 at the time) who went for me on sexual attraction terms, rather than being the usual woman who would look but not touch men who look like me.  Zoe was a far better catch than most women out there, however she was the catalyst for me facing up to the truisms of what women can be like.  I guess I should thank her for that, in a roundabout way.  With all this said, I still wish her well, wherever she is now.

Elizabeth :- 8.5/10 hotness level

I doubt I will ever meet a woman again in my life who held such a high average score in overall female evaluation as Elizabeth (Beth).  She was not as affable or trusting as Claire, nor was she not quite as hot as Steffi, but I did think this woman could have been the one, if there is such a thing these days?

Beth and I met during the early hours in a nightclub shortly after I had concluded my chemotherapy treatment, although I did not go into remission for a few months retrospectively (post radiotherapy).  In spite of the hair loss (although it had grown back to almost a shaven look), muscle depletion and pale skin, at the end of the night Beth placed herself in a proximity to make it crystal clear that she desired me to approach her.  I duly did.

I still wonder if my reduced physical attractiveness - at that point in my life compared to my pinnacle (pre cancer) look – actually played a significant role in giving me the 10% deleverage compared to Beth’s gender relativity.  Would she have been so forthcoming, accommodating and receptive if I were on her equivalent level at that time?  One can only go on life experience, and I say 50/50 at best (she was still only 23 at the time, therefore still at the female age when a man’s physical attractiveness is a higher priority).

We started off seeing each other on a casual basis.  This was a surprise looking back, as I was only the third man with whom she had slept with.  I was still finding my feet though after the most traumatic experience of my life, and she was in the final few months of her Masters degree.  It worked well for then, but after a few months we both acknowledged we wanted more.  We did have breaks due to reasoning I will not go into, but accounting for this we were together for over five years.

Love is always hard to measure, both at the time and retrospectively when comparing amongst all and others, but if someone put a gun to my head and asked me who I loved the most in pinnacle terms, I would be foolish to say it was not Beth.  The physical feeling of my first orgasm with her will never leave me, although it has to be said that she, whilst hopefully still enjoying it, was left wondering why over so soon.  In my defence, it was the first time I had sex for over six months (mainly due to reasons as explained above)!

Kaitlin :- 8.25/10 hotness level

I met Kaitlin when Beth and I were still together.  The story is worth elaborating on, because it illustrates and emphasizes how two people can coincidently meet, and then continue with something stronger.

In short, Beth and I were clearly coming towards the end of our relationship for good this time, however we did meet up on a holiday together in Slovenia and Austria.  When we arrived back to the airport in London, she went back in her car to where she was working at Bristol, and I jumped in the shuttle bus which would take me back to my car parking site.

The driver of the minibus asked me to go in the front next to him, as all the back seats were taken.  Thinking we were about to get going, I saw this attractive brunette (Kaitlin) walking past our vehicle, so I took a good look at her in thinking that would be the only time I would see her in my life.  As it happened, she hops onto the final unoccupied seat sat next to me.

Kaitlin smiled at me straight away, and she made a self-assertive comment that she was conscious of touching me in reaching for her seatbelt lock.  I responded by saying she could touch me where she wanted to, and we just hit it off for a mere ten minute journey.  I took her number, without telling her anything about my relationship situation.

The next day though, I revealed that in spite of being in a relationship that looks like it is on the final legs, the facts of the matter are that I was still with someone.  She said it was worth staying in touch, and a few weeks later I told her I was now single.  We started seeing each other every weekend and more up until quite recently, to which it faded into inevitable parting of ways.  Even now we do still meet up occasionally, but it is intermittent rather than regular.

My relationship with Kaitlin was a wonderful time in my life (COVID-19 aside).  We were a great match, and neither of us took the negatives in life too much to heart, in seeing the positives above anything else.  No matter what happens, I will always recollect her with nothing but fond memories.  She was dirty in bed, but honourable, personable, sociable, and comfortable to be with outside of the four walls. 

We both loved travelling, and when I look back it is a great shame COVID-19 came around in this regard.  After living through the final year in seeing Beth become a little above her self-importance station (mainly through the law firm she was employed at, and men who wanted to nail her bad mouthing me), dating a much more chilled woman in Kaitlin was like a breath of fresh air and weight off my shoulders.  I wish her all the happiness in the world, with or without me.

How do I screen for women?

Adrian asks how I screen for women.  In a way, the five examples given are perhaps not the best cases to answer this.  Claire kind of came via friendship networks, Steffi due to her on the spot pursue of me and our instant sexual attraction, Zoe through attraction and mutual inclination for a serious and long term partner, Beth perhaps because of her assessment that I was the best option out of an otherwise mediocre male bunch, and Kaitlin simply down to common sexual chemistry and external interests. 

With this in mind, they were all pretty much reactive scenarios rather than me having to screen, per se.  This goes against the norm however of by and large a man (and very much myself included) needing to be the initiative-taking member, and Adrian asks a valid question to how I screen.

I guess the straightforward way to produce an answer for him, therefore, is to look at the common denominators between all the five women, irrespective to whether they hunted me, or I am to be the would be hunter, so to speak.

·       All upper cute to hot in female physical attractiveness levels.

·       Rare women who put their hearts ahead of their egos.

·       Rare women who are prepared to give good-looking men a clean piece of paper.

·       Women with confidence levels above the female average by a pronounced margin.

·       Women with evidently bubbly and likeable personalities.

·       Women with decent to good professions (or at least a strong work ethic mentality).

·       Women who appear like they have not slept around.

·       Women with good hygiene and odour.

·       Women who take pride in their appearance.

·       Women who do not take themselves, or life, too seriously.

·       Women who do not go out their way to be involved in drama and problems.

·       Women who can be my confidant as well as my lover.

·       Women who are loyal to their friends.

·       Women who can think for themselves, and not be influenced by jealous acquaintances or bad advice.

·       Women who show an interest in me, and do not just talk about themselves.

·       Women who have good family values.

·       Women who hold a degree of reality to how the world functions.

Of course, to tick every box above is pie in the sky.  What a man can do is use his experience with women to know early on where she may sit on the linear of each extreme.

Screening for homely girls

Adrian asks for my advice on screening for homely girls, such is his preference to be with one of these female types. 

The good news is that the vast majority of women, whilst I acknowledge not all sit on exactly the same seat in this context, hold homely girl traits.  Most women do hold firm desires to have a boyfriend over predilection of constant girls nights out and living the life, therefore finding one eventually should not be too difficult on a numbers analysis alone.

Where it becomes harder to find a homely girl is how to establish your screening for one, and then subsequently establishing the traits and habits that are associated with being an extreme homely girl.  Let me assist:

·       If you see a woman always or by near absolution with her boyfriend (in the gym, in the mall, in a bar etc), over being with her female friends, this is the biggest giveaway sign of a homely girl.  It may not be ideal for you if she is currently with said boyfriend, but in essence this is near guarantee proof that she prefers to spend her spare time with her male partner.

·       Homely girls are not usually hot.  With this in mind, a homely girl will most often range between average to cute (compared to hot girls - at least until hot girls settle down with the higher value man - who prefer girly time and social media whoring). 

·       Homely girls do not tend to have a lot of female friends, and more to the point they do not go out in female parties very often.

·       Homely girls, even if usually only on a platonic basis, have a fair share of male friends in comparison to other female types.  I guess there is a sense of this because they are not comfortable in the company of better looking female friends.

·       Homely girls tend to be close to their mothers, although they can just as easily be daddy’s girls too.

·       Homely girls are renown for being shy and conservative in social environments, especially when alone and not in the comfort of anyone they know personally.

·       Homely girls are not greatly confident, and they present with timid body language.

·       Homely girls are very reserved, indifferent, and quiet around strangers.

·       Homely girls are rarely career oriented women, as they strive to find a man with a much better profession.

·       Homely girls are rarely single, such is their lack of motivation for female party existence.

Q-tip:                                                                                                                                 Women will surprise you all the time, but will they surprise you less when you get to know them in greater numbers, and over a longer period of life experience time.


  1. Thanks Vinay, and seeing from your experiences, I think it’s best if I don’t worry too much. Seeing how it was much more spontaneous and seeing the types of girl that actually gave you a chance paints me a better picture. The girls I talked about that had boyfriends were pretty similar. Now I don’t know if they would have left the guy cause I never gave them enough time. I would ghost them cause I didn’t like feeling as a second choice, but maybe they were putting their hearts ahead of their egos as you say. Thanks.

    1. No problem mate, hope this helps somewhat.

      I am a great believer that the greatest loves in a man's life are usually a circumstance of spontaneity and reactive scenarios. Conversely, when he is the instigator and (for want of a better word) "trier", it rarely ends well. Usually the success stories will be when the woman has made some kind of hint and sign that she likes him.

      This opinion aligns with the reality in what you see regarding female emotional psychology on a general basis. When a woman chases a man, her heart is beating faster and her pants are getting wetter. When the man is chasing her (yes, you guessed it!), the beat of her heart slows down and her pants become dry.

  2. Hi Vinay,

    Can you point me to a blog you wrote about your view points of allowing your girlfriend go clubbing. If nothing is written do you have a brief take on this ?

    1. Hi mate,

      I do not recall any post from another blog that talked about allowing your girlfriend to go clubbing. I do remember Roosh many years ago writing about clubs in DC and around the world, but nothing else.

      As you ask... Personally I have no problem with a girlfriend going clubbing with her friends. Any confident man will know that she would make a mistake in pissing him off if she got up to any misdemeanours, as he would simply dump her (and she would know this) if she did.

      Fundamentally, allowing your girlfriend to go out on night outs is a win-win situation. If she is faithful, then happy days. If she plays away, then she has just saved you time in wasting on her so you can move onto something new (and more faithful).

      Any man with two brain cells will be aware if his female partner is being unfaithful. I, to my knowledge, have never been cheated on, but any sex withdrawal or lack of appetite would be the best giveaway that she is playing away. Mood swings will be more common. She will go missing more frequently and for longer if she is cheating on you. She will lie to you even more than she lies as a loyal girlfriend. In a way, a cheating woman will just be a more obvious and transparent version of a woman who is looking to get out of a relationship.

      For me, men who never allow their girlfriends out their sights are low confident and jealous men, and a man who believes he can do no better than the woman he is with. This life delivery may enlarge a woman's ego, but it sure makes her heart beat slower in desire to be with him.

      If a woman is going to cheat, she will sure find a way to cheat. No amount of male possessiveness will prevent it.

      No honest woman wants to be with a jealous or possessive man. A woman wants to be the one jealous of other women vying for his attention and love.

  3. Impeccable reply. Thank you for your time my friend.