The perfect mentality for a stand out man

“It is better to be different and right, than unoriginal and wrong.”

Or to elaborate on the phrase above, it is far better to belong to a minority of people (even if this is a tiny minority) that know the reality and truisms of life, rather than consist in the majority who are followers, lapdogs and compliance robots getting it wrong.  The choice is yours…

When you are a unique man who stands out from the crowd, it’s inevitable that in a world where most people look down on those doing well, you will receive antagonism from both women and other men alike.  The country I belong to is worst than most for this unfortunate circumstance, such is the default mindset British people have in supporting the underdog but dragging down the successor.  They don’t like to see you struggle, but then once at the mountaintop they are happy to see you fall down to the valley in a heartbeat.

Uniqueness can derive in various ways.  Maybe you have stand out good looks and physical attractiveness that separate you from the masses of >99% of other men?  Perhaps you dress flamboyantly or at least dapper which, whether through your own deliberation or just ease of presence, projects attention and eyes onto you?  Are you charismatic which is in conjunction with great body language and personality?  Are you incredibly well known and popular?  Do you live in a house and drive a car that people could only dream to own?  Have you come into vast sums of money through fortune, hard work, handouts or inheritance? 

Whether it is only one or a combination of the reasons given, most people have a natural default that brings about jealousy, envy, antagonism, aggression or even hatred towards the one who appears to have what they would like.  It’s one of life’s true misfortunes, but a habit that will never go away.

If you are a man who stands out from the crowd, you can expect the following from a high percentage of women:

• A face like a bulldog chewed a wasp when she walks past you or you are in her vicinity
• Top lip rolled down and eyes to the floor to avoid any eye contact with you
• Silly comments that try and devalue your obvious blessings
• Talking about herself to avoid any attention onto you
• Hostility like deliberately barging past you even if there is plenty of room
• A lack of response when you interact with her
• Pre-determined damage to your assets (this could be as little as throwing a bit of drink on your T-shirt or as pitiful as denting your car)

If you are a man who stands out from the crowd, you can expect the following from a decent percentage of other men:

• Not dissimilar to women, head down when they walk past you
• Attempts to humiliate you in front of other men and women   
• In association with the crowd humiliation attempts, no courage to say these stupid comments when it is just you and him alone  
• Discomfort in his body language when it is just the two of you in conversation
• Aggressive behaviour towards you when he is with his mates.  This can be blatant attempt to start direct verbal conflict or fighting
• Trying to emphasise his accomplishments in life, no matter how insignificant they are
• Broadcasting to you, often with no link to the conversation flow, that he knows someone who has a higher grade than your particular attribute or ownership

The lists are not exhaustive, but they will cover most scenarios.  It is also important to note that not all women and men will be like this.  A very small minority of women will be amiable, friendly and engaging, almost to the point where they are trying to get to know you to elevate their own self-importance.  This is rare though.  A minority of other men – I’d say around one in four men – will go out of their way to get to know you and have some engagement of you in their life.  As men aren’t as naturally jealous as women on a wholesale basis, alongside being much more proactive in putting themselves out there, it is logical that a far greater number of men will make genuine and likeable efforts to get to know you.

But if ever you want a prime example in how to deal with people who clearly don’t like you, simply take a look at this video from 03:25 to 04:00.  As a big football fan, I enjoyed the whole thing, but for the point of this post the thirty-five seconds that Cristiano Ronaldo presents here is golden to the mentality you need.

Now some of you may say this is a bad example, because when you are one of the most famous sport stars on the planet, it doesn’t really matter who hates you due to the army in comparison of people who idolize you.  I disagree.  In percentage terms Cristiano Ronaldo will have just as many haters (hence the majority) in contrast to people who like him (hence the minority) than a stand out man who isn’t globally known.  The principle is the same.  Many thousands, even millions, of his near quarter of a billion Instagram followers will also have more negative emotions towards him than positive.  The reason they follow him is out of intrigue and being part of a crowd, rather than their genuine likeness towards him.

What Ronaldo does is perfect on two counts.  First, he self-promotes himself with not a care to what people may think to this lack of modesty.  Further than that, this self-promotion of his physical looks is in reference to his relative deficiency (in football terms) of age.  There won't be many post 28 year old women taking fondly to a 35 year old man looking so good and younger than his birth certificate shows!  Second, he throws it in the face of people who don't like him.  Why should he care, and he rightly points this out.  If you don't like me, I'm not asking you to do so.

Q-tip:

Those that mind don’t matter, and those that matter don’t mind.  When all said and done, play to the audience who matter the most to you.

A final thought

There was always the alleged consensus that Ronaldo and Lionel Messi did not get on very well throughout the nine years they were rivals during the Real Madrid and Barcelona days.  Of course, this rivalry was as much about their individual statistics, honours and accomplishments than it was about club trophies. 

This is no surprise in practice.  When two super alpha males are battling out for supremacy in a, relatively speaking, same environment, it is always going to be hard for the two of them to genuinely get on well.  I know some readers are from countries where football (soccer) is not overly popular, therefore another example that springs to mind is the late Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O’Neal internal battles that were suggested by many parties some years ago during the LA Lakers triumphs.

In both situations – Ronaldo/Messi and Bryant/O’Neal – it is no surprise that two factors brought the respective players closer together with a far easier passage to get on well.  The first factor is age – as men get older, they mature and mellow.  The second factor is distance (in these instances, Ronaldo moving to Italy and Bryant/O'Neal post retirement respectively) – when you separate the real estate between two men of such high status, when they do meet more intermittently it is far more warm-hearted.

On a far, far smaller scale, I can totally relate to this.  Many men have been hostile, ridiculing and aggressive towards me when they see me on a regular basis, yet when months or even years have passed when we haven’t crossed paths, they have almost been engaging and willing in conversation.  The same applies with women.  Those who once looked at me like they had been slapped with a wet kipper appeared to be friendlier when time had passed from the last meeting.

I guess the moral is this:

Stand out men cause negative emotions to people when they are seen for the first time or/and on a regular basis, but they produce positive emotions to people when distance and time has been put between them.  To elaborate further, most people don’t like seeing stand out men on a day to day basis, but they would truly miss these men if gone forever.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder...

Acknowledgements

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