Saturday 9 December 2023

Older men broken-hearted by younger women


“If there is one common theme I have learnt, it is that when people come out with the truth, no matter how gruesome it seems, they all subsequently feel better about life.  When you find someone looking stressed and worried, they are most likely lying to themselves.” 


I have heard more than a few situations in recent times of older men who have been driven to despair by their much younger girlfriends or much younger women they became entangled with.  As a writer, advisor and, if someone wishes me to be, mentor in giving men the best understanding of emotional female psychology, this subject fills me with a cocktail of sympathy, frustration, bewilderment, and pity - all mixed into one big shit show that results in the end product.

My biggest mistake

To illustrate where I once was, allow me to explain this short story during my late teens.  Facing up to your own mistakes, in my opinion, is the only was in truly learning how not to make the same errors of judgement in the future.

I got involved with a girl who was a year younger than me (our two ages are not relevant to the purpose of this post, but it is just to outline the scenario).  She had not so discretely shown her interest in me during the previous weeks, but it was not until late October time of that year when we started seeing each other.

I would say that her interest in me was higher than my zealousness in her at that stage.  I was attracted to her, but perhaps not in any infatuation manner.  There is most likely reasoning in this of course, in terms of a woman never being more attracted to a man than when she is the chaser.

From the point of dating up until the new year, the attraction balance moved to a much more neutral gauge to, if the truth be told, me being slightly more interested in our relationship than her.  From January up until Valentines Day, it was clear how her enthusiasm disintegrated over those six or seven weeks, simultaneous to mine staying the same.  She did not buy me a Valentines Day present (from recollection, I am not sure she even gave me a card!).

Valentines Day itself was a joke, and my naivety and lack of understanding regarding women back then stood out like a sore thumb.  When I picked her up around midday, she made it an instruction that she was only available until mid-afternoon - to which she needed to be home to prepare a dinner for her guy friend and best (girl) friend.  With a pair of balls to assist me, bearing in mind I paid for the whole day as a student during the same timeframe she worked a full-time job, I should have known she wanted out when the time would suit in the very near future.  I hate myself for not knowing this basic principle back then.

Nevertheless, it got worse on my behalf.  God knows why, but after I dropped her off and went home, I felt the need to go back and park my car near to where she lived.  I guess part of this was a lack of trust emerging, and another part was just a will to feel I was still in her life that day. 

The inevitable parting of ways occurred around early March, with her citing that her commitments to work and studies were not accommodating of boyfriend time.  Low and behold, a few weeks later I heard she was seeing someone else (a below average looking dude too, it should be said).  I hated her for all she had done, but I still loved her simultaneously.  I spent the whole spring and summer thinking about her every moment of the day, sometimes deliberately going to venues where I knew she would or might be. 

There is one big factor to all this though.  I was a teenager!

Q-tip 1:                                                                                                                                  Make your mistakes with women early in your relationship cycle of life, and then learn from each and every mistake you make.  Ensure you are never that older man making the same mistakes as your younger self.

The fatal male mistake

A few years ago, I had a friend who was in his forties.  He told me about this nineteen year old Polish woman at work who had been flirting with him, in spite of her having a boyfriend (also Polish, and who also worked there).  She was attractive from the pictures he showed me, without being unbelievably stunning or anything.

The things he told me – bearing in mind at that time I had been writing about the subject of women for over five years – made me want to put my hands over my head, and in turn strangle him in attempts to shake some sense into that brain of his.  He would tell me how one day she could not stop looking at him and would be touchy-touchy and feely-feely, followed by another day where she would blank him.  As much as I, in easy summary, tried to make him understand that she was clearly a perennial attention seeker and prick teaser who would not be leaving her boyfriend for him, he just could not get this painful truth inside his skull.

Then one early morning, I saw him in his car waiting for the gym to open.  He appeared totally dazed and zombie looking.  When in the gym, it appeared like he was struggling to breathe, almost to the point where I was expecting him to have a panic attack.  Looking back, this anxiousness on his part was because in a few minutes time he would be venturing towards the workplace.

That was the last time I ever saw him.  I later found out that he was placed on absence leave, and later still he claimed mental health issues.  Not long later, he left the firm.

Without proof, a simple jigsaw puzzle configures this:

·       His obsession uncontrollably made him harass her at work.

·       She reported him to Human Resources.

·       They put him on absence of leave due to the above events.

·       He claims mental health due to the work stress.

·       The two parties agree on a settlement, and he is gone with the wind.

Another older man / younger woman predicament

Only today, I was speaking to a gym buddy who has a few dozen labourers reporting to him in a warehouse environment.  He told me that one of the men – aged forty-four – had got involved with an eighteen year old woman.

The girl, as she can only be described as, started to cheat on her older lover.  Not only this, but she wanted out of the relationship.  The man went into my gym mate’s office to inform him of this dire state of affairs, and he has gone off with stress/personal reasons.

When will men ever learn?

As much as similar aged women to these two respective older men (and older men generally) hate the thought of this possibility, there is nothing illegal or necessarily wrong about a man becoming romantically and/or sexually involved with a significantly younger woman.  If they both know what they are getting involved in, why should anybody or anything stand in the way?

The problem is, if you are that man who strives to hunt down or in undeliberate process finds himself in the midst of a much younger woman, you need to attain a good amount of experience with women on a wholesale basis in order to know the waters you will be swimming in.  Women who are much younger than you will want and do much different things compared to women of similar age to you, and you need to be fully aware that a lot of these habits, pastimes, and character traits will not be to your liking.  Your dick can only work so hard to conceal what will be inevitable anxiety, frustrations, and annoyances.

Q-tip 2:                                                                                                                                       As illogical as this may seem, the logic in reality is this.  Men who attain a lot of experience and knowledge acquired from past relationships with women, are men who are best equipped to date much younger women.  Men who have accrued only pocket-sized past experience (and as a by-product, minute knowledge) with other women, are men who are better advised to get involved with women their own age, or even women who are older.

Which types of women are less or more likely to go for older men?

In the easiest summary and explanation as possible, I would categorize as such:

Girl’s girls

Girl’s girls – a woman who is prevalent for female outings/socializing and social media whoring/attention – is less likely to seek a much older man than herself, especially if he is not a man who looks considerably younger than his birth certificate.

One reason is because she will often perceive her own credibility to be reduced in dating someone much older, however the bigger reason is because dating an older man is associated with getting older herself.  Most girl’s girls, from my experience, have a greater fear of getting old than other women, therefore they will go to extensive lengths in trying to stay younger.  This is why you find a decent share of girl’s girls in their late twenties and early to mid-thirties who date a man a little younger than herself.

With this said, a girl’s girl will usually get intimate with a much older man if he is from the high wealth spectrum.  What she has to gain from this will outweigh the aforementioned distastes. 

Homely girls

Homely girls – a woman who holds a far greater inclination to always be with her male partner – is more likely to be open in becoming associated with a much older man.  Again, this will be more prominent if he looks younger than his chronological age, although it may not be a deal breaker if he is not.

I find that, due to their infrequent time spent in female girly nights, drama, attention-seeking, and immaturity, most homely girls are more mentally mature and grown up than other female characters (in particular, in comparison to girl’s girls).  With this in mind, it is rational thinking to conclude that, in possessing a greater female maturity herself, she will naturally desire a man who is far more settled and mature than the men of similar age to her.

Homely girls are also in a comparable sizeable hurry to settle down with respect to commitment, housing ownership, monogamy, marriage, and motherhood.  All this is far more likely to be located with an older man.

A final thought

I guess, in the simplest conclusion, it is a simple case of most men belonging to a male existence that is high in sex hunger, concurrent to being low in emotional female psychological knowledge.  His penis is drawn towards much younger and hotter women than women his own age, but he lacks the basic, or better still extensive, knowhow to why women act the way they act.

Because if a man thinks the way a younger woman acts – in so far as mind games, lies, disappearance, fidelity, mood swings, maturity etc – is the same as a woman his own age, then he is in for a rude awakening.  This will explain why so many older men who find themselves involved with much younger women, like the two exampled men in this post, are not as a coincidence ending up with mental health issues.

Q-tip 3:                                                                                                                                         If you deep down know you cannot mentally cope with the games younger women will play, it would be prudent to not get embroiled with them in the first place.  If you know you can easily deal with it, you should lead with your sexual urges, in knowledge that the in due course games she will play, and inevitable parting of ways which thereafter occur, will be no skin off your nose.

Q-tip 4:                                                                                                                              Women do not in fact naturally or voluntarily play less mind games with men as they get older.  Their lower desirability projected onto men, and their decreased options via male takers, enforces them to make a conscious, even if reluctant, decision to not play these games as much.

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