“If you have one foot in the past and one foot in the future, you’re pissing on the present.(Malachy McCourt)
I’ve never quite worked out why a man, especially in this day and age with the assistance of online videos and similar, would need to hire a male personal trainer at the gym. I understand why many women hire a personal trainer due to differing motivations (as explained in this previous post) than primarily trying to get their body in optimum shape, but for a man it manufactures more harm than good in my opinion. At least in terms of trying to attract women, in any case.
I’m not saying the numerous men I have seen taking on a personal trainer is always idolization as such (although sometimes it is), as much as needing a male figure to follow in both literal and metaphorical terms. Irrespective, I can never help but see it as the personal trainer raising his status and profile concurrent to the trainee deleveraging his likewise viewed upon attraction metrics in this respect. In a competitive world, it is well advised to make any such effort, no matter how small it may seem, for a man to leverage his offerings and reduce or hide his shortcomings. Women sniff these pros and cons like dogs sense piss on a lamppost.
Male fame idolizing
Another critical mistake a lot of men make is in the form of their supplication, sycophancy, idolization, and kiss assing of men who exist in the public eye. This is usually fanboys sucking up to their favourite sports stars, but it can be other high-profile figures too.
Once more, this is replicating what women are accustomed to do – with both male and female celebrities – but as most women are not at ease in finding comfort and confidence in their own strengths (especially strengths which are outside of their physical attractiveness offering), it can be excused as an innate female trait which is outside of a woman’s natural control. When a man acts out in the same way as a woman, in any way, shape or form, you can guarantee that a woman will be less sexually attracted to said man.
When a man acts like a woman, he will be seen as less sexually attractive by all women. Likewise, when a woman acts like a man, she will be seen as less sexually attractive by men. The inverse applies in both gender scenarios.
I’ve seen this ass kissing of other male men with my own two eyes, and on more occasions than I should have done so. Granted, this can be justified when you are just a kid to first becoming an adult (say, 8 to 18), because as a boy it is a forgivable and automated directive to think this is what should be done. Beyond this age, and any man would be prudent to kick it out of his system sooner rather than later. Unfortunately, I still see men in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s and even 50’s still acting out this need for a male role model.
And this brings me nicely onto the subject of roles models. I can’t remember ever having a role model in my whole life, but if pushed to an answer, I’d take it from my grandfather, Father, Mother and Brother. To clarify though, it would be more a case of bringing their strengths into my character, and equally refraining their weaknesses from creeping into my personal constitution.
You’re only as tall as the shoulders you stand on as a kid growing up.
I’ve also looked fondly upon many male figureheads – Nelson Mandela, Will Smith, David Beckham, Justin Timberlake, Enrique Iglesias, Cristiano Ronaldo, and Rafael Nadal – to name but a few, but again it was a mere assessment of their blessings, character and attributes, as opposed to a role model requirement. I guess, as a credit and consequential benefit to myself, that I’ve always primarily wanted to be my own person. Anything else was a simple assistance to get there.
Why are so few men their own man?
And I think there forms the critical problem. More men have become the way of women - in being followers, worrying what the world thinks of them, trying to be popular, partaking in too much social media and celebrity searching, trying to fit into what they believe society expects from them, and ultimately not focusing on what they want to be and how they will get there. Too many men play the role of trying to please a woman before pleasing himself, and this manifests to produce a man who in essence lacks any kind of uniqueness or individuality.
When a man loses focus on who he strives to be in preference, or at least expectancy, of fitting into pleasing his male friends, work colleagues, girlfriend, or women in general, he relinquishes the luxury of being the person that allows him to look in the mirror each night with pride. He becomes a puppet to society. He becomes a lesser version of himself. He becomes a poor representation of his own life as only he who holds the keys to.
Why are women repulsed by men who follow other men?
In simple explanation, any study of animals or humans illustrates, with no questions needed, that the female species is drawn towards male species who hold alpha traits. Alpha traits come in the form of leadership (whether this is leading himself or other men), individuality, exclusiveness, uniqueness, confidence, carefree attitude, stand-out features, and an effortless ability to attract the opposite sex.
Conversely, the female species is repelled from male species who hold beta traits. Beta traits are highlighted by a need to follow, a cloned appearance, a lack of self-assurance and self-confidence, too much concern to what people think of him, and a lack of presence to project the eyes of the other sex onto him.
So, if a woman sees a man following the footsteps of another man, and worse still if he is showing signs that he idolizes this man, she is basically losing sexual attraction onto him second by second. Of course, women will never tell you this, because women’s egos prefer to be with exampled beta male than alpha male. She will just be less sexually attracted to the man who plays to the tune of what society asks of him.
A man does not need to be tall, good-looking, or in prime body shape to be an alpha male. Most alpha male characteristics are comprised from non-visual offerings.
A final thought
I’ll never forget one night out when I joined a few close friends a bit later than they commenced. Most of the group were men from my closest friendships, but there were a couple of others I had never seen. One of these strangers was the boss (of similar age) of my close friend.
Later that night, my mate told me that the men in his workplace office were having a discussion a few days earlier about their male crush from the world of fame or otherwise. Apparently when I announced that evening, his boss told him that his male crush is me.
In the immediate term, I felt a little uncomfortable. I was quite a bit younger then with perhaps not the same level of either instant or retrospective thought-process to how the world works. Nevertheless, it didn’t take me long to realize this was a huge compliment, even if the price to pay was prompt unease.
Because when a man is idolized by another man, it is effectively the equivalence of a man being looked at with bed eyes by an attractive woman. Both situations are basically speaking the language that you don’t just fit the bill of a run of the mill male presence.
A final, final thought
I can’t comment on other countries outside of the UK, but something that leaves me lifting my eyeballs a lot is when I hear these male radio presenters. Similar could be seen and heard with many male journalists who interview celebrities or men in the public eye.
Not only do they epitomise the modern-day man – feminine, weak voice tone, dramatic expressions, lapdog character – but they act out the perennial version of said modern day man in the way of kissing the arse of the male celebrity they are interviewing or referencing.
I understand this may come with the territory of seeking and acquiring the approval of the male celebrity in order for him (the famous man) to think highly of the employing broadcaster and consequently come back for more, but I just can’t get past the bitter taste it leaves in my mouth when one man sucks up to another man. I couldn’t think of something I’d rather do less! Be your own man, that’s what I say.
Because there is no way in hell that any attractive and sought-after woman is sexually attracted to a man who idolizes, looks up to, or is in awe of another man. All this achieves is, even if she so happens to be the girlfriend of the kiss assing man, for her to actually want to be with the man her male partner is hero-worshipping.
to say that many of these referenced male radio or television presenters/journalists
are not with attractive women. Far from
it. Women will
conveniently be in a relationship with these men because, although sometimes on
a scale of Z-list celebrity, he still attains a level of fame over and above
99% of other men. It all feeds back to
women’s hunger for male status and feeding of her ego, popularity and attention from the public, over and above finding a
man who makes her heart beat faster.