“Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.” (Andy Dufresne – Shawshank Redemption, 1994)
I recently became involved with a woman who had shown interest in me for some time prior, but like most relationships in my life of late, this involvement didn’t last long. I think the thrill of the chase on her part, coupled with the greater need of my existence in her life for only five days in a month (as explained in this previous post), brought about the predictable ending that is now second guessed by me ahead of time. I certainly didn’t lose any sleep or fall off my seat as a circumstance of our parting of ways.
No surprise I expect to many, but I met her in the gym. I have to say that if ever there is reinforcement required to illustrate how men deep in their thirties or older (providing these men look after themselves and keep looking young) can attract numerous women ranged as young as 18 to as old 45, then it shouldn’t be questioned any longer. Women as old or older than exampled man despise this dynamic, because these women loathe the thought of men of similar age having options of attracting and to be with younger women.
Where did she go?
The woman I reference was like clockwork in terms of the times she would enter the gym, and the time she would depart. Likewise, I always saw her on a Monday, Wednesday and Friday. A week after I was clear we were no longer going to be seeing each other, her times of arrival on a Monday and Wednesday changed by nearly an hour later. She stopped going on Fridays. Just the other day I noticed her commence her workout on one of the treadmills as I finished on the abs area, and she walked the long way round to access the weights area which allowed her to avoid proximity with me.
All a coincidence? Maybe, as these things can never be known for sure. I say the bigger coincidence is the fact that her change of routine coincided with our parting of ways in respect to seeing each other outside of the gym.
avoiding a man is a back-handed compliment to symbolize that she still holds
sexual feelings for him. When a woman
makes no effort whatsoever to separate real estate between herself and the man
she was once seeing or who showed interest in her, it is symbolic of a woman
who is totally apathetic towards his existence.
This kind or scenario has happened on more occasions than I can remember. Women will tell you, and attempt to convince themselves and peers, that their instant change of routine is a by-product of being so busy and the fact their life is ever fast-paced changing. I lean to the contrarian argument that in a calendar year of 365 days, it is once more a coincidence that this sudden change of events occurred when we went our separate ways.
Do men act in the same way?
On the basis I am right – women avoiding men they are sexually attracted to, and being indifferent towards men they are not sexually attracted to – and I think it is quite clear this is the case, how does the reverse dynamic compare? How do most men proceed when situations arise of similarity?
On the rarer occasions when men break up with their female partners (as most break ups are instigated by women), I would expect that these men carry on with their routine with minor change up. The main reason is because, as alluded to above, if the man broke up with his girlfriend or wife then the likelihood is that the woman is still into him (ironically, if he did break up with her, she is most probably even more into him than before that day). With this in mind, if she is still smitten by him then it will be her who changes up her timing habits in order to avoid him. The thought of seeing him even being near to another attractive woman would, in the immediate term (and sometimes for eternity), be a portrait too hard to bear. With this said, he carries on as normal.
Staying on this rare occasion topic (when he splits up with her), it may well be that he does the rightful thing and, if requested by her on compassionate grounds, decides to place himself in places and at times when she doesn’t see him. At the risk of contradicting myself with regards to the post title and lesson behind the words, I would possibly place myself in this category. If I split up with a woman, and it is down to no greater reason than me no longer having the necessary emotional feelings towards her (or worse still, being unfaithful), then, once more if asked by her, I would consider moving to a new venue. Much depends on the hassle it would bring to my life. At the end of the day, I’m not entirely soulless.
Normal course of events
Where this analysis becomes more complex is when the normal course of events occurs – when the woman dumps the man. In minority cases said man may be happy she dumped him, as he was losing enthusiasm anyway (good example would an ugly to below average looking couple), therefore he couldn’t give a crap either way and subsequently continues on with his whereabout regimes.
Nevertheless, in most breakup cases - when a woman dumps a man - it will be more of a bolt out the blue and hit him in emotional and psychological negative ways. Even if things weren’t right in the build up to the breakup (as most men can’t hide from the reality of knowing their female partner is losing interest, no matter how much they try to think otherwise), the vast majority of men will mope around for days, weeks, and even months in believing that life will never be the same again without her. Sad, but true.
When this does happen, I find that a lot of men do one of two things:
· One, a man strives as hard, or even harder, to place himself in the same environment as the woman who broke up with him. It’s almost as if he thinks that she will eventually be worn down by believing she made a big mistake and is still into him. Whilst in minority cases (as similar to my situation as explained up top) some women do reluctantly finish relationships with men they are still sexually attracted to, this rare condition is dwarfed by the masses of women who no longer even hold a passing thought of the man they left. With all this considered, the man is wasting his time trying to overload his existence onto his exe’s eyes.
· Two, a man does what a woman does (as explained in my situation above). Men act like women in removing themselves from the woeful heart-wrenching feeling of seeing the woman who dumped him. Generally, he spends a prolonged period of time feeling sorry for himself, most likely concurrent to stalking her on social media, instead of getting on with his life irrespective if she crosses paths with him or not.
The best course of action
I’m sure you probably know what I’m about to say, but my advice is to never let a woman dictate the routine you enjoy carrying out. Even more so if she was the one who wanted pastures new. Why should you be the one who changes up your life unnecessarily?
An even better decision on a man’s part, on the basis it was he who was dumped by her (as I don’t think this advice is fair if you dumped her), is to interact with other women and strive hard to secure a woman who is hotter than the woman who jettisoned. This, by no mean chance, will most certainly bring back an attraction from your ex. The decision is then yours to who you choose, but all else being equal or of near parity, I strongly suggest never giving the ex another chance, and in turn firmly venturing on with the new girl.
A woman is most attracted to a man when she knows he has another woman or other women hunting him down. A woman is least attracted to a man when he doesn’t have a female partner or, worse still, there is no evidence other women are attracted to him. When a woman has no sexual attraction onto a man (like the man she dumped), but she later finds substantiation that another woman/other women are interested in him, this female attraction threshold falls somewhere between the two extremes.
Hey Vi Nay, I have a question on this partReplyDelete
"I have to say that if ever there is reinforcement required to illustrate how men deep in their thirties or older (providing these men look after themselves and keep looking young) can attract numerous women ranged as young as 18 to as old 45, then it shouldn’t be questioned any longer."
How does this apply to bald guys? Assuming they keep in shape as best as possible can a bald dude in his late 30s/early 40s still attract a woman in the 27-30 range? I know how much most women love hair and in some circles being bald is a looks destroyer.
Also off topic but wanted to ask as well, you mention the best thing a good looking guy can do to improve his chances with women is to improve all of his non-visual attributes, since women need to get something out of the deal to offset him being more attractive than she is.
Do you find good looking guys to be generally less ambitious than average looking / ugly guys?
I'll write a dedicated post on it mate. Will aim to do tomorrow if I can.Delete